Winning God’s Way: Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger*

In a world that rewards quick comebacks and heated reactions, James 1:19–20 offers a radically different approach—quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Pastor Chris unpacks the dangers of unchecked anger, the wisdom of careful words, and the peace that comes from truly hearing others. Learn how to align your communication and reactions with God’s way, bringing His righteousness into your everyday interactions. 

Link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2285086/episodes/16335614

Key Points:

1. Quick to listen – Approach conversations as an anxious learner, seeking to understand before responding (Proverbs 1:5).
2. Slow to speak – Resist the urge to speak hastily; choose words that build up rather than tear down (Proverbs 29:20).
3. Slow to become angry – Recognize when anger is sinful and when it can be used for righteous purposes (Ephesians 4:26).
4. Let God’s Word transform your responses – Humble yourself to Scripture so your actions reflect Christ (James 1:21).

Personal Stories from Pastor Chris:
 Pastor Chris recalls early marriage lessons where winning an argument often meant losing peace. He shares real-life examples of how unchecked anger damaged workplace relationships, friendships, and reputations.

Notable Quotes:

• “You can win the argument and totally lose everything else.”
• “Unchecked anger is a sin—confess it, release it, and let God replace it with His Spirit’s control.”
• “Be quick to listen like an anxious learner, not a quick responder.”

Actionable Takeaways:

• Heart reflection: Am I listening to understand or just to respond?
• Daily application: Pause before speaking, especially when emotions run high.
• Spiritual step: Trust God with your need for justice, leaving vengeance to Him (Romans 12:19).
• Next step: Practice listening fully in one conversation each day without offering immediate advice.

Scripture References:
 James 1:19–21 – Guideline for godly communication
 Romans 8:28 – God works for the good of His people
 Mark 10:14 – Jesus’ righteous indignation
 Romans 1:18 – God’s wrath against sin
 Acts 5:33 – The Sanhedrin’s fury
 Proverbs 27:4 – The power of anger
 Proverbs 29:8, 11, 20 – Wisdom and self-control
 Proverbs 19:3 – Heart raging against the Lord
 Matthew 21:12–13 – Jesus cleanses the temple
 Mark 3:5 – Jesus’ anger at hard hearts
 Ephesians 4:26 – Anger without sin

Keywords: James 1:19, anger management, righteous anger, quick to listen, slow to speak, biblical wisdom, Christian communication, controlling emotions, spiritual growth, conflict resolution

Challenge:
 This week, put James 1:19 into practice. In every conversation, commit to listening first, speaking thoughtfully, and keeping your anger under God’s control.

19m0331de Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak and Slow to Become Angry?

The WELL Faith Podcast offers encouraging, Bible-based messages from Pastor Chris Teien and guests. New sermons are released every Sunday. Replay episodes are marked with an asterisk. Find us online at ChrisTeien.com and Rockwell.Church in Virginia, MN. Email comments to wellfaith24@gmail.com

Transcript

Chris T 0:16

Alright, today I want to talk about anger. It's been the Bible passage in James. And it seems to me like there's a lot of angry people. And as I think about anger, I think there's no way we can fix everybody's anger issue or throw out some verses and fix all the anger or hurts that people have in a half an hour. But we can talk a bit about it and what God's Word says about it. And ask ourselves if we're angry, why are we so angry? And some of us think that we're not angry, but then when some situation comes, then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, I guess I am angry. James talks about anger. So in James chapter 1. So quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. James 1 19. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, and humbly accept the word planted in you which can save you. So we are to be quick to listen. Now, if we looked in the context in the passage, we had recently seen that James warned us about the temptations that can pull us down and the tests that God sometimes sends our way to test our faith and to help us grow in faith. And we shouldn't respond in anger to those things. And a matter of fact, one of the things that can trip you up, one of the things that can destroy your life the most is your unchecked anger. So you can lose your job, you can lose your position on the team or the club or whatever you're in. You can get a bad reputation among your neighbors. You can get sued. You can do all sorts of things that can destroy your life by telling people what you actually think. Or when you're upset by just letting out in a full, full-blown rage. And unfortunately, now we have the ability to like text things or put things on social networking or those little hate arrows and all those things that we can do. And sometimes we think, oh, that was bad. I should delete that. And then we realize that some people already caught it and it's not going away anytime soon or ever. Or it got caught on video, and now you're a YouTube sensation. You didn't mean to be, but your outburst of anger and the crazy thing or the ridiculous thing or the damaging thing that you did is now trending on YouTube, and someone's making money off of your stupidity. So we need to be really careful to live according to God's word. And James points that out. James, a brother of half-brother of Jesus, points that out. There are so many areas where we can be angry. So we can't have anger against God because he didn't do what we wanted him to do, or he didn't fix that situation, or he didn't help this, or we're in a situation in life we don't like and we blame God for it. We can be angry at God, and we really need to grow in our faith and ask God for wisdom to understand why he's done what he's done. Romans 8.28 says that God works things out together for the good of those who love him, a called according to his purpose. That sometimes God wants us in a certain place because he knows it's best for us. But some people are angry at God. And sometimes people will unleash that anger at God on you. If you are a Christian and they see you as representing God, all of a sudden you've got someone with anger issues, and you're like, what's your problem? What's your deal? What did I ever do to you? And it's not what you did, it's what they feel that God did. And they're going to take that out on you. Sometimes it happens in the church. Sometimes you get people in the church and they're serving and they don't feel that they're recognized, they don't feel that they're cared for, they don't feel like people value them. The church can be a place where people get angry. In the workplace, oh, that can happen all the time when somebody gets credit for your idea or they get a promotion that you should have gotten, or all these things can happen at work, and you can get really angry at work. One of our delivery drivers, I remember one time, she had a temper tantrum. The family business was delivering stuff. Their big chunk of their business was the company I was working for using their service. And so this girl came in and she got all mad and she had this big temper tantrum and she swore and she slammed the door on her way out, and so they canceled immediately, they canceled all the business with her family company, and that was the end of that because of her outbursts of anger. I'm sure it didn't work well for her family. Friends can be a source of anger when we feel left out, when they disappoint us, when they criticize us. Society is angry at everybody, you know, based on race or where you live or your, you know, what you drive, all these things. People are just angry for all of these things. And there's different types of anger. So indignation is a simmering anger provoked by something appearing to be unjust or unkind, and often perceived as justified. Jesus became indignant when the disciples prevented parents from bringing their children to him so that he might touch and bless them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these in Mark 10 14. Then there's wrath, which is a burning anger accompanied by a desire to avenge. Wrath and wrath often moves from the inner emotion of anger to the outer expression of anger. In Romans 1.18, God expresses his wrath as divine judgment on those who commit willful sin. First says the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness in Romans 1.18. And there's fury, a fiery anger, so fierce that it destroys common sense. The word fury suggests a powerful force compelled to harm or destroy. Some members of the Sanhedrin were so angry with Peter and the other apostles for proclaiming Jesus was God that they were furious and wanted to put them to death in Acts 5.33. This is why the Bible says anger is cruel and fury is overwhelming in Proverbs 27. And then finally there's rage. Rage is a rage is a blazing anger, resulting in loss of self-control, often to the extreme of violence and temporary insanity. After an outburst of rage, a cry of remorseful regret or disbelief is often expressed. I can't believe I did that. Yet those who continue to vent their rage toward others, including toward God, find themselves defeated by their own destruction, by their own destructive decisions and ruined relationships. A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord in Proverbs 19.3. So people are angry in so many different ways, and anger can destroy your life. I remember when I first got married, I used to get in arguments with my wife, and I would think I'm going to do everything I can to win this argument, and then I soon realized that I could win the argument and totally lose everything else, and that made no sense. And fortunately, I worked with some older guys that were always giving me great advice about being married and what to do and what not to do. Not that I always listened, but being angry and doing everything you can to win the argument, you can still lose the war. You can end up, you know, proving your point, and then you can end up lonely or have people be mad at you. Proverbs 29:8 says that wise men turn away from anger. So there's some people that I've known that don't seem very angry, they just take it all in. So something happens, and you know, you'd think they'd be mad, but they just kind of blow it off. But as it's like a pressure cooker, as time goes on, if you get enough things stacked up, then they just blow and they just do crazy, irrational, angry things. That pressure cooker, anger. And some people aren't angry until something happens, and then their short fuse goes off, and then they're instantly irritated. Sometimes it's because of a hurt they have, sometimes they don't get enough sleep, sometimes they're stressed in life, sometimes it's a result of medication they're on, but sometimes you'd least expect this person to blow up and get angry, but they do. And then there's other people that go around and they're just angry. They're the people that are always looking for a fight, always looking to try to get vengeful, try to get their vengeance on people. The Bible actually says that God says that vengeance is mine, says the Lord. So we should do everything we can to do what this verse, this passage says. Number one, to live wisely by being quick to listen. To be quick to listen. The word quick or swift comes from tachos, tacos, the word from which we get our word tachometer. The Greek word means speedy or prompt. It's the idea of being an anxious learner. So here we need to be quick to listen, quick to understand, quick to hear what the person is saying. Sometimes one of our problems, or sometimes maybe my problem, is that as somebody's speaking, sometimes I'm thinking about what I'm gonna say next. You know, it's like we're playing ping pong or tennis, and I'm gonna return that serve as fast as I can. So uh sometimes that doesn't always work out well. So as I get older, I try to get wiser and try to listen to what the person is saying and try to figure out what else is going on in their life that can cause them to say these things, to be that way. Sometimes in the Christian life, they just haven't reached a level of maturity that they would know better than to think that thing or say that thing or do that thing or talk that way. But to be quick to listen, to try to understand what they're saying, what they're trying to communicate, and then what else is going on there? Proverbs 1.5 says, let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. So we want to truly understand what they're saying. We want to truly understand and hear them, and we want them to know that we're hearing them, that we are listening to what they have to say. That doesn't always mean that we agree, but we want them to know that we're listening, we're hearing, we're trying to understand. And then, so it says, be quick to listen, and then slow to speak. So sometimes we talk too much, sometimes we talk too fast, but talking too fast, I don't think, is what the verse is talking about. I think it's saying things that aren't wise, saying things that don't address the issue. Sometimes we say too much, sometimes things don't even need to be said. Sometimes people just want you to listen. So that's actually a difference sometimes between a man and woman, too, is that sometimes the woman doesn't want you to give your opinion, she just wants you to listen and understand where she's coming from. So I'm still trying to learn that. But slow to speak, slow to speak, to understand what they're saying. Proverbs 29.20 says, Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them. We need to think before we speak. We need to ponder what's being said or what the issue is or how we can respond or how we can share or give guidance or or sometimes it's a fair thing to say, you know, that is really interesting. That's a great question you have. Can you give me some time to think about my answer before I, you know, I I've got some great ideas, but can I pray about it or think about it before I before I give any answer or advice on that? And that can be a fair thing to do. So to be slow to speak. And then to be slow to become angry. So the Bible doesn't say that you should never become angry, but angry is an emotion that God has given us. It's like the check engine light or a light on your dashboard that says something is wrong. Something's going on here, something is wrong, and you should be slow to act on your anger. Sometimes when you're angry and you don't unleash your angry words, sometimes that just helps everything, makes it better. I've written a lot of emails and comments on posts and all sorts of things that I've written that after I've written them, then I delete them and I never send them. But I sure wanted to at the time, but then afterwards I'm glad that I didn't. I'm glad that I didn't share what I really thought at that moment, because that wasn't probably a good thing. But there are things that we should get angry about. There are things that we should get angry about, like injustice. When New York said, hey, let's abort all the full-term babies, that made me pretty angry. What I just read the other day of Somalian gangs in Minnesota, sex trafficking young children, girls in Minnesota and Tennessee and all around, that made me angry. Anything that we can do to help make the world a better place and pursue righteousness, if anger can be a motivation to get things done in a righteous way, that can be a good thing. Jesus actually got angry quite a few times, but he did it without sin. There wasn't anything that was sinful about Jesus' anger. When Jesus got angry in Matthew 21, Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. But he was angry in a righteous way, and we should be angry in a righteous way. Another occasion, Jesus asked the religious leaders if it was okay to heal a person on the Sabbath day, when they would not answer, we are told he looked around at them with anger in Mark 3 5 before healing a man. His anger centered on the attitudes of religious leaders who claimed to know the law yet cared more about themselves than whether a person was healed. So anger, a godly anger, an anger that reflects the anger of Christ, requires two aspects. First, it must be properly motivated. In other words, anger because you do not get your way in a situation does not count. The religious hypocrisy or injustice of poverty or oppression are proper godly reasons to become angry. So Jesus became angry. So but he wasn't known as an angry person. So it's tough to say you're a Christ follower and be an angry person. To be like a Pharisee and go out there and everybody you meet, you can lay out a list of everything that's wrong with them. You know, oh, well, you're sinning this way and that way, and this isn't right. And you know, no one's gonna want to connect with you that way. But if you have grace and you share Christ and allow God to work on them in the process and to help them to grow in Christ and to mature in Christ, our society is just angry. And maybe it's because of all the violent things that we see on TV and in movies and in video games, and all these things are constantly played out before us, played out visually, it can easily get in our minds. And his book, Jeffrey Froh, writes that an American child who watches three hours of children's television programming a day will see 4,380 good acts in a year, but 15,330 acts of violence in that same time. Strong evidence from research indicates that abundant exposure to violent programming in video games is linked to aggressive attitudes, values, and behaviors. On the other hand, exposure to pro-social content is linked to good deeds and kindness towards others. So that's what's true for kids is true for adults. You're watching all sorts of things where people are getting all angry and doing all sorts of things, acting on their anger, and then you think, hey, I'm gonna do that too. It's not gonna work well for you. Proverbs 29, 11 says, a fool gives full dent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. In Canada, there's the amusement facility that created a rage room. Guests can relieve their stress by smashing things. Thunderdome Amusements in Calgary provides golf clubs, sledgehammers, pipes, and baseball bats to guests so they can release their frustrations by breaking office equipment and other items. You go in and get to smash stuff, says the director. We provide full-blown protective gear, he said. You're in the room for 45 minutes smashing all these items. You come out of the room, you'll be sweating and you'll feel better. Guests are also welcome to bring their own items. A lot of people with desk jobs are excited to smash printers. Packages begin at about$20 per person. But the Bible says only a fool gives full vent to his rage. So to punch a wall, to hit your pillow, to go into your rage room and beat on stuff might make you more likely than to beat on a person or to let that rage loose when you shouldn't. So you should control your anger doesn't necessarily mean that you should give full vent to it, according to Proverbs 29:11. And since God wrote it, I believe it. I bet that all of you have said all sorts of things that you shouldn't have said, all sorts of things that you didn't mean, all sorts of things that were total misunderstanding, and you had to work really hard to get yourself out of that hole. So, quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. So James has a lot more to say about that, but if you are really angry at God, maybe you need to get counseling and some godly help in that. So if you are an angry person, you need to recognize that unchecked anger is a sin and to confess that as sin, to go before the Lord and say, I am angry, and then list some of those reasons why. Receive God's grace and release your anger. Ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit and help you to get over the anger. Sometimes it's for somebody that you can call and say, you know, I'd like to talk to you about such and such, and you know, you can find or try to find some kind of a reconciliation. Sometimes the person is already, like your parents or grandparents have already died. You can still work through that even though they aren't there. So let's pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much that you give us your word, and we need to apply that. And Lord, I pray that you would help us to keep a tight rein on our tongue, to walk in faith and not to treat people the way they deserve, but better than they deserve, to realize that some people are just carrying a lot of anger and that just spills out on other people like us. Lord, we pray that you would help us to be peacemakers, that when we've been wrong, that we would trust you for vengeance or wrath or repayment or whatever, that we wouldn't take that into our own hands, but we would trust you for that. And when there is a time to be righteously angry, to step up and to make change and to stop sin or stop something or start something, that you would help us come together with other people and make those things happen to change the world the way that you want it to be, that we can be tools in your process. So, Lord, we pray that you would help us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. To glorify you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.