What Kind of Friend Are You? | Wisdom from Proverbs

Good friendships do not happen automatically. They require honesty, wisdom, faithfulness, and a willingness to help one another grow. This message challenges us to stop focusing only on finding better friends and begin asking, “What kind of friend am I?”

Pastor Chris Teien shares four qualities of a godly friend from Proverbs. True friends tell the truth with love, offer wise counsel, remain faithful during difficult seasons, and encourage one another toward spiritual growth. Jesus provides the greatest example of friendship because He demonstrated His love by laying down His life for us.

Outline

1. Tell the Truth 

A sincere friend cares enough to speak honestly, even when the truth may be difficult to hear. Biblical correction should always be offered gently, humbly, and lovingly, with the goal of restoration and growth. (Proverbs 27:5–6; Proverbs 12:15; Ephesians 4:15; Galatians 6:1)

2. Give Wise Counsel 

Heartfelt counsel is one of friendship’s greatest gifts. A wise friend listens carefully, admits when they do not know the answer, considers the facts, prays with you, and points you toward biblical truth. (Proverbs 27:9; Proverbs 15:22; Proverbs 18:13; Job 2)

3. Remain Faithful 

A loyal friend stays present when trouble comes. Faithful friendships require continued care and investment, especially during seasons of crisis, grief, disappointment, or need. (Proverbs 27:10; Proverbs 17:17)

4. Help Each Other Grow 

Godly friends sharpen, encourage, and motivate one another toward greater wisdom, love, good works, and faithfulness to Christ. Jesus is the greatest friend because He laid down His life to save sinners. (Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 27:17; Hebrews 10:24; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; John 15:12–13; Romans 5:8)

Takeaway

Consider the friendships God has placed in your life. Ask whether you are speaking the truth in love, offering thoughtful counsel, remaining faithful during difficult times, and helping others grow closer to Christ. Do not merely look for a good friend. Ask God to help you become one.

Illustrations

• Friendships are like plants that must be continually watered if they are going to remain alive and healthy.
• A “2:00 AM friend” is someone you can call during a crisis who will pray with you, come to help, or remind you that you do not have to face the situation alone.
• Pastor Chris describes helping a longtime friend evaluate an older Jeep Grand Wagoneer and honestly advising him that it was better suited for a project than as safe family transportation.

Key Quotes

• “Do not simply ask what kind of friend you want. Ask what kind of friend you are.”
• “A sincere friend tells you what you may not want to hear because they want something good for you.”
• “Jesus is the greatest friend because He laid down His life so that sinners could be made right with God.”

Search Topics

biblical wisdom about friendship, Christian friendship sermon, how to be a good friend, building lasting friendships, Proverbs on friendship, qualities of a godly friend, speaking the truth in love, wise Christian counsel, loyal friends in difficult times, iron sharpens iron, Jesus the greatest friend, growing together in Christ

Full Episode & Transcript:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2285086/episodes/19689645

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Helping you apply God's Word and follow Jesus in everyday life. Learn more at ChrisTeien.com and Rockwell.church  Find episode transcripts at Well.faith 

Transcript

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Chris T 0:16

So I chose Proverbs chapter 27 to try to pull some stuff out. And I came up with four points that I think are really helpful for friendship. But I'll give you a fifth one, a bonus one, and that is Proverbs 27, 14 says, a loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse. So there's a bonus one. So nobody wants to be your friend, especially in that situation. Now we have well-insulated houses. I'm pretty sure if you were yelling good morning to me from the front of my house, I wouldn't be able to hear you. But back then, they lived in a tent or whatever. And the first thing you hear when the sun comes up is, hey, hey, Bill, good morning, sunshine. It's a great, fun-filled day of opportunities. Praise the Lord for the day He's given us. Oh. You'd be like, I haven't had my coffee yet. I hate that guy. I just hate him. So there's a bonus one. Okay. So friendships. There's different levels of friendships. There's the I met the person at school or work or whatever. We have a good rapport, that type of friendship. And then there's deeper friendships. There's friendships that, you know, it's like you have a brother or sister, not biologically, but you're tight and you go through life together in a friendship like that. I'd have to say my best friend is my wife. She's known me the longest. We've lived together the longest. But that whole idea of having a tight friendship, there's some friends that I have from other churches. We're still friends, and it's sometimes they even come up here and visit us and even come to church, and it's a good thing. So different levels of friendship. Sometimes you have a friend and then you move somewhere else, and that friendship kind of fades away. Somebody said that relationships and friendships are like plants, and you have to keep watering them to keep them alive. So that's good. But I wanted to read this, and it is something from years back that talks about what is friendship. So it's not from the Bible, but it's very interesting, and I think it's thought-provoking, and it leads into what I wanted to talk about. So let me read it. Friendship. What is a friend? Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be bare with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think as long as it's genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meanness and absurdities, and in opening them up to friends, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of their loyalty because they understand. You do not have to be careful. Now be careful with this one, though, when I say this, I'm reading what they wrote. You can abuse them, neglect them, tolerate them. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them through it all, and underneath they see, know, and love you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself. So that's pretty good. A true friend that's known you for a long time knows when you're upset, when you're venting, when you're saying foolish, silly things, things that maybe you don't mean, that could lead to influencing you to be whiny or whatever. You gotta watch out for those friendships. But friendships. Friendships are a gift from God. Friendships are something that we often have to pursue. We can't think that we're going to be friends with people if we never get around people, if we just hide in our little house. I've mentioned before, some people are like, well, I went to your church and I didn't feel very connected. I didn't make any friends. But they were the last people in the door and the first people out the door, and they never gave anybody a chance to meet them. They never attended anything, they never got involved in anything. Sometimes service projects, sometimes missions, trips, sometimes life groups, those types of things help you to develop friendships. So when you are doing things together, it helps develop friendships. When you are going out there, you're trying to meet people, you're inviting people to do things with you, you're inviting them over, you're doing simple things like, hey, I have to go to Duluth to get something, you want to come with me? Those are good things. Sometimes, though, sometimes people try to use other people as friends, and that's not good. We went once went to a church years ago where these people acted like they wanted to be our friends. And so they were like into bodybuilding and all this stuff. But anyway, so they were super kind to us and they invited us over, and it was really nice. And then the sales pitch came and said, Oh, by the way, we're part of a multi-level, they didn't say these words, part of a multi-level marketing group, and we think that you've got potential to sell products under us so that we can all make money together, in which we said, we're not interested, and then we never heard from them again. So that wasn't a true friendship. But it's easy to have hundreds or thousands of online friends. So I basically let anybody be my friend that looks like they're safe as far as ministry goes. So Julie, my wife's like, You got a lot of friends. I'm like, Yeah, I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't show up at my funeral and probably couldn't recognize me if I was walking through the store. But so I do it for ministry. But if you're a pastor, you definitely can be my friend because I I learn a lot from other pastors and their posts and stuff like that. When I was a kid, we moved a lot. I went to a lot of different schools, and so I was always trying to make new friendships. And over time I got okay at making new quick friendships. Never really had any great long-term friendships until I got married. That was that's the like I said, that's the longest friendship I've had. But you can make friends in your neighborhood, you can make friends at work, you can make friends in your community. Sometimes friends are based upon life interests and stages of life. So when my wife and I got married at 19 and we were blessed with a child 11 months later, we had small children. And many of our friends, we actually met a lot of them at church or where we lived or whatever, also had small children. But they had waited longer to get married, which meant that many of our friends were older than we were. But our common bond was the age of our kids. So sometimes you can make friends based on things you own. Sometimes you can make things on our friends on things that you want to do. Sometimes you lose friends, as we found out, over your opinion on if you should wear a mask or not during a COVID threat. You can lose friends over your political choices if you let people know. Sometimes people are quick to unfriend you when they don't like what you say. But Proverbs 27 talks a lot about friendship. And not only does it talk about, you know, what kind of friend you want, we're not going to make a shopping list for what kind of friend you're looking for, but maybe we should be thinking about what kind of friend am I? What kind of friend could I be? What kind of friend would I make myself available to be for some people? So I remember many years ago when I was a member at Wooddale Church, Leith Anderson preached a sermon about friendships and relationships and compared us to Legos and said there's only so many connecting points for each person. And it's impossible, I'm not gonna mention this verse necessarily, but it's impossible to have everybody be your close friend. So even the Bible warns about how you will come to ruin if you try to have everybody be your friend. But you can be friendly with everybody, but those closest friends, those tightest friends, they are a worthwhile investment. And if you have friendships like that, that is a gift. You should praise God for that. And you should never take that for granted. You always want to make in the friend in the church, you always want to make new friends. We want to welcome new people, but we also want to care for our old friends, the ones that we have here. So you might wish that you had a friend who would encourage you, one whose advice you could trust. You might wish that you had a friend that could help you grow in life and grow in Christ. Those are good things to have. So let me look at a few of these Proverbs and see what Proverbs has to tell us. So the first one is to tell the truth. If you want to be somebody's friend, you need to start out by being honest. When I first went to Bible college and I was 17, I went down to Chattanooga, Tennessee, and I went to the school that had 1,500 girls and 500 guys. And so I don't know why people, everybody goes to Bible college. Maybe their parents send them, I'm not sure. I went there because I wanted to learn about the Bible, and I thought God had called me to ministry. Not exactly sure why some other people were there. I was attracted to be the friends of the people that were serious about following Jesus. But there is this girl there, and so I think she was like from Florida or something like that. And she kept going around telling everybody that her name was Charie and she was from Paris. And I heard this over and over again. I went up to her. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, Oh, I'm just having a good time. I'm like, this is a Bible college. What are people gonna do when they find out that you're not honest, that you're being, that you're not being truthful? And I thought that was the end of it. But then I realized the girl was crazy. Because shortly after that, she's like, I just need a man like you to keep me in line. And I'm like, no, thank you. And uh, yeah, that was crazy. Tell the truth. So if you are wanting to be a friend, be truthful. If you want to get a job, be truthful. Don't lie on your resume, don't say you have skills you don't have. They'll be able to figure it out once you start the job. Be truthful. And the Bible says to tell the truth, and we need to tell the truth to our friends. Proverbs 27:5 says, an open rebuke is better than hidden love. Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. Or the NAV says, wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. So this idea that you would like people to speak into your life. And it might hurt sometimes when they tell you the truth, but they do it because they care about you. They do it because they are honest and they want the best for you. With a friend, sometimes you just got to call out what you see. And you want to do it in a way that is caring and kind and compassionate and loving. And maybe you say stop. Maybe you say time out. Maybe you say, hey, that tread on your tires is really low, and even in rain, you're gonna hydroplane. But in the snow, it's gonna be worse. You should get some different tires on that vehicle, my friend. Those types of things, which kind of rolls over to the next point about giving counsel. But to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15, instead we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. And sometimes when people give you advice that you don't ask for, but it greatly helps you. Sometimes you hear it and you immediately push back and you're like, yeah, and you make excuses or you try to explain it away. But then as time goes on, it sinks in and you're like, they're right. I do need to do that, I do need to stop doing that, I do need to change that, I do need to get that or say that. Because if you don't, it could damage their marriage, it could compromise their integrity. There could be a bitter root that takes a place in their heart. They could make a financial decision that could create years of trouble. They could drift away from God. And we can say, hey, I'm concerned about the direction you're going, or I don't think that's a wise decision, or I'm worried about what this is doing to your family, or I don't believe that agrees with Scripture, because Solomon said, wounds from a sincere friend can be trusted. They're better than many kisses from an enemy. Sometimes you just want to flatter people and keep them happy. Flattery tells people what they want to hear because we want something from them. A sincere friend tells people what they may not want to hear because we want something good for them. So we tell the truth and love. Tell the truth in love. Galatians 6:1 says, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back on to the right path. So there's that attitude of kindness and care, there's that idea of restoration, there's that trying to do everything they can to help them become more effective and more useful and more content in their life in Christ. That is a good thing. And we should be willing to hear the truth. Proverbs 12, 15 says, Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. So they listen to advice, and that is a good thing. So when you hear it from a true friend, you know that they're saying that because they care for you, they love you, they want God's best for you, and they want to encourage you. So it rolls over to another level now. So this is like be real. Next one is to give wise counsel. To give wise counsel. So to speak into someone's life and to tell them to stop doing something is one thing. To be that type of friend that has the information that can give wise counsel is a good thing. Now, not everybody has the wise counsel you need. You might need to talk to different people about different things for the type of counsel that you're looking for. Someone might be better at giving you advice about marriage than they are on finances or retirement funds or those types of things. Sometimes the wisest counsel is, I don't know. Or I'm not really sure. There's multiple choices. Let's pray about that together, or let's look at what the Bible says. Those are good things, but counsel is valuable. Proverbs 27, 9 says the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. So in the ancient world, perfume and incense were valuable and refreshing. So Solomon compares it to a pleasant experience. So heartfelt counsel because they care about you. Now, we have access to more advice than I think anybody of any time. I mean, we can literally now go on our phones and ask something that talks back to us for advice. Now, you can't always guarantee it's good advice or helpful advice. Sometimes it's contradictory advice. Sometimes AI, when you ask it things, will give you what it thinks you want to hear, which isn't always helpful. So whenever you get that advice, it's a good thing to double check it, to fact-check it, to verify it. Now, many times it is helpful. And as we know, it's probably going to change the way that computer searches are done and things like that. Having a conversation, thinking through things is good. And so that counsel can be good. Matter of fact, when the whole AI thing first started out, I talked to a pastor friend out in California who's very knowledgeable about it, who's made AI systems and got his insight and advice, and he said it doesn't replace the decisions that you make. But one scenario was a pastor of a large church was looking for advice to start a new prayer ministry in his church. So he used a particular AI and said, Give me ten ways we could start a new prayer ministry in our church. And to simplify this, he said it kicked out like ten, and three of them didn't make sense on that path. And they were able to start that prayer ministry in weeks instead of months, and it was helpful. It helped everybody to make a decision and move faster because it threw out ideas. But wise counsel often comes from people who have experience. Wise counsel often comes from people who can take their experience and tie it to Bible passages and present it to you in such a way that then you can make an informed choice. If you search long enough, you will find a podcast or a YouTube video or an AI or a person who will tell you that what you think is right. So if you have made up your mind to do something, you're gonna find somebody out there that says, you're exactly right. But the case is that you may not be exactly right. They are just people that, or things, or devices or AIs that are trying to do what they think is right to make you feel good, buy the product, be happy, whatever it is. And sometimes that type of affirmation can become addicting where you start to just tune in to the people or the things that are saying what you think when it may not actually be true. And a wise person, by the way, a wise person realizes that they might hear what you're asking, see maybe the part of the scenario, but not know all the details. So the wise person says, I don't know everything about this situation, but maybe you could try this, or maybe that person at your work that is doing that is thinking this, or give those ideas without saying, This is the way it is, this is what you have to do. I had a Christian counselor person, so I was not, he was not counseling me, but we were crossing paths a lot. Actually, he was renting space from us. And he told me, you need to slow down, you need to relax, you need to turn your phone off and just have periods of solitude, all this stuff. I'm like, dude, you do not know how I operate. That is not the way that I do things, so that's not gonna make me get ahead. And I thought about it, I'm like, nope, that's his personality type, not mine. God has created us all in different ways. And so I took a biblical personality test, and it said I was a cross between Peter and Barnabas, which means that I will encourage you to great lengths to pick up a sword and cut off someone's ear, or things like that. But yeah, sometimes, well, I've always been a little hyper, but nonetheless. Proverbs 15, 22 says, Plans go wrong for lack of advice. Many advisors bring success. So we have this church, and we don't have a ton of people with me in leadership right now, but I have a network of pastor friends around the country that I can call on to ask advice when we face certain situations or wonder what to do in certain things that I can call on. So some I know from past ministry where we used to like all be together and then I moved up here, and others have always been distant friends, but to know who to call on when you have a time of need. Proverbs 18, 13 says spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish. So think about that. Think about how important that is. You'll remember that Job in the Bible, Job, he had some, he had a lot of friends. He was going through this terrible thing, he was everything was falling apart in his life, and he was going through this hard stuff. And so his friends came, and the first thing they did was good. Job chapter 2. It says, His friends came and sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. And then they started to say a bunch of things that God refuted or rebuked that you can read in the book of Job. All right, number three, remain faithful. Remain faithful to your friend. Never abandon a friend, either yours or your father's. When disaster strikes, you won't have to ask your brother for assistance. It's better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away. So just think about that. Think about, okay, who are your friends? Who cares about you? Who is interested in you? Sometimes the closest friends are in the church more than they are your biological family. Sometimes your church family is full of closer friends than your biological family. And so that is something to think about. And to know that you should, with your neighbors and the people around you and your friends, you know, keep those relationships going, keep those friendships going. And then think about that. Your father's friends. So think about the relationship that your parents. Parents had with these people who saw you grow up, who are interested in you, who care about you, who will do everything they can to help you, because they care about you, but more than that, they really cared about your father. They loved your parents, and they're gonna do everything they can to treat you like their own child. That is a good thing. Proverbs 17, 17 says, a friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. A loyal friend, a caring friend, is a good thing. A 2 a.m. friend, the 2 a.m. friend is the friend that you could call at 2 in the morning if you had a crisis, if you had a problem, if somebody dies, if your vehicle is broken down in the middle of nowhere, if you've received devastating news, if you need to be taken to the hospital, if you felt that you shouldn't be alone, who are your 2 a.m. friends? Who can you call in the middle of the night? And they'll say, I'm here, or I'm coming, or I'll pray with you, or you don't have to do this alone. Do you have a 2 a.m. friend? Are you a 2 a.m. friend? Number four, last one, help each other grow. Help each other grow. So walk with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and get in trouble. So help each other grow. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. So iron doesn't sharpen each other. Two scissors don't sharpen each other in the drawer, not doing anything, but when they rub together, when they do life together, they sharpen each other and are better for it. Hebrews 10 24 says, Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And 1 Thessalonians 5 11 says, Encourage each other and build each other up just as you are already doing. So we live life together. You know who the best friend was ever? The best friend ever was Jesus. Oh, sorry. Jesus said, This is my commandment. Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There's no greater love than to lay down your life for one's friends. And after he said that, he went to the cross and laid down his life so that we could be his friends, so that we could be made right with him. Romans 5.8 said, God showed his great love for us by sending Jesus Christ, by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And by realizing our need that we are sinners in need of a Savior, by calling out to Jesus, Lord, forgive me of my sin. Come into my life and save me. I want to follow you, praying something like that, and then pursuing that, growing deeper in our faith, grabbing one of those how to find God New Testaments, opening it up on the very in the very beginning and seeing what is our need? What must I do to be saved? What should I do after I'm saved? Those are good things. Those are good things indeed. I just want to share one thing that is helpful in conclusion to this. So I have a friend that we've been friends for a long time. So he's kind of like a brother. So if he's watching Hi Joe, but he really likes cars. He likes restoring cars. He's handy, mechanical. And we took a long trip to go look at a I don't know what it was, like a Jeep Grand Wagoneer or something like that. Something that he's always wanted, Jeep Wagoneer. And so we got there and it looked good and everything. And he's like, Well, what do you think? I said, if this was a project car, I think it'd be awesome. If all you're gonna do is fix it up and drive it for fun. But if you were thinking that it was gonna be your family's main transportation, I would hold off. I said, There's not headrests to protect your kids, there's not any safety features, it's crazy winter driving. I said, you know, if it were a project just for fun, you should grab it. But if it's for your family, I think you should grab something else. And so we drove back home and it was all good. Then his wife called me the next day and she's like, Thank you so much. Thank you so much for giving that advice. So, because that's what friends do, right? Friends are like that. So anyway, Jesus, I thank you for this time. I thank you for these people, I thank you for this day. Lord, I pray that we would be able to have a few good friends, and I pray that we could be a good friend. Pray that you would help us to know who is out there waiting to be one of those good, loyal friends that we need, and that we'd make that connection and that we could enjoy that. Jesus, we thank you that you are the best friend ever. Lord, we pray that you would bless us as we go from here, and we're just so thankful for your word that guides and directs us in Jesus' name. Amen.