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Own the Outcome with Tyler Deveraux
Own the Outcome dives deep into the real stories of resilience and triumph that arise from the depths of failure. Join Tyler Deveraux on a journey of inspiration, growth, and authentic conversation. Within every stumble lies a valuable lesson, a chance for transformation, and a path towards success. Each episode features compelling stories from a diverse range of guests, from entrepreneurs and artists to everyday heroes—all sharing one thing in common: their ability to turn adversity into an opportunity for growth. Because in the end, it's not about avoiding failure; it's about owning the outcome.
Own the Outcome with Tyler Deveraux
Finding Joy Through the Journey with Amberly Lago
Imagine waking up to a world where everything you once knew about yourself is turned upside down. Amberly Lago did just that after a motorcycle accident that nearly cost her a leg and changed her life forever. Amberly takes us on her journey through 34 grueling surgeries and the excruciating pain that followed. Her courage and determination to reclaim her place in the fitness industry despite these overwhelming odds shows us importance reminders during life's challenges.
Don't miss out on the opportunity to be inspired by her story and learn how you too can spread joy and resilience in your own life!
Purchase Amberly's New Book Here
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Thank you for listening to today's episode. If this podcast has brought a smile to your face or sparked some new ideas, I'd love to hear from you! Leaving a review would mean the world to me. Appreciate you!
Connect with Tyler on Instagram: @tyler_deveraux
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And I just remember sliding across the asphalt and when I came to a stop I looked down at my leg and it was just crumbled into pieces. My foot was completely off. There was blood everywhere where my foot was hanging on by skin and it's just crazy to see your body that way to see your body that way.
Speaker 2:All right, aloha and welcome to Own the Outcome podcast. My name is Tyler Devereaux and today we have Miss Amberlee Lago. Amberlee, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to chat with you today.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, I'm so excited to chat with you. We got to talking so much before I'm like oh yeah, we're recording a show right now. We better, we better start, but it's just been so much fun talking with you, so thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, so grateful that you would take the time. You know, I felt the exact same way. Ariana, back here, is reminding me like hey, we got a podcast to record and it's like, okay, let's dive into this thing. I'm so excited for all y'all listening. I'm so excited for you to hear Amberlee story If you don't know her story and maybe we even lead in with that. Your story is incredible. You're going to be so inspired today and you're going to leave with actionable, actionable things to help you bring grit joy, all those things into your life, regardless of what's going on, which is a critical component of it. So maybe we just start there. For listeners who don't know your story, maybe let's backtrack. Your life took a pretty traumatic turn after a motorcycle accident. Maybe we talk about that and then where things went from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, it's pretty crazy that I'm on this call with you, because my career before I was in the fitness industry for 26 years and I didn't even own a computer. All my business was by word of mouth. I didn't have, you know, it was all referral based. I didn't and didn't even have social media. And my business was thriving, Life was good. I finally met the man of my dreams and had two healthy kids.
Speaker 1:And it all changed in the blink of an eye when I was coming home from work and I got hit by an SUV. And you know, I just remember it was one of those beautiful California sunny days and I kind of you know every little decision that you make can change the course, the whole direction of your life. And I remember that day, thinking it's such a gorgeous day, I'm going to take the long way home. And I saw this SUV and it was too late. He shot out of a parking lot. I tried to jump off my Harley too late. He shot out of a parking lot. I tried to jump off my Harley, it was too late.
Speaker 1:Like I let off the clutch, tried to jump off, I got T-boned, thrown and thrown about 30 feet and I just remember sliding across the asphalt and when I came to a stop I looked down at my leg and it was just crumbled into pieces. My foot was completely off. There was blood everywhere where my foot was hanging on by skin and it's just crazy to see your body that way. And I didn't want to let go of my leg because I was afraid that it would actually fall off my body. And in that moment one of the first thoughts that I thought was wow, this can't be good. I might have to train clients on crutches for a while, I mean.
Speaker 1:I was already thinking of how am I going to keep working, how am I going to keep training my clients, how am I going to keep a roof over my head? This is going to kind of suck, but I had no idea just how much it was going to change my life. Luckily, a guy came over and made a tourniquet around my leg right away. He saved my life. I didn't know. My femoral artery was severed and you can bleed out pretty quickly from that. I was rushed to the hospital and they had to put me in induced coma because there was just my vitals were. I mean, everything was shutting down, I'd lost so much blood and and they couldn't control the pain. So they put me in induced coma.
Speaker 1:And when I woke up out of a coma the first thing I learned was doctor said I'm so sorry, this is like a war wound, there's really nothing we can do for you. Um, you, you know you only have a 1% chance of saving your legs, so we need to amputate. And in that moment I just remember thinking that this is my leg and I was like but it was my livelihood, like my whole life. I was an athlete, I was a professional dancer. I did. I was sponsored by Nike, I was in fitness magazines and you're telling me you're going to amputate my leg. And then I was. All I heard was 1% chance and I thought, well then, there's a chance and we need to find a doctor who is going to be willing to take that chance with me. And boy, that took an act of God, pulling a lot of strings to get me transferred to a different hospital. But Dr Don Wiss actually did 34 surgeries and saved my leg. And it took months in the hospital and it was just the most excruciating pain and thousands of hours of physical therapy. And I remember thinking, okay, I can't wait to get home, I can't wait to start training clients again, and I really thought the worst was over.
Speaker 1:And then I went in for a doctor's appointment and I was in a lot of pain and I remember, you know, my leg was just swelled up and from the hip down completely just staples and stitches, and they had taken all the skin from the top of my leg, done a muscle flap. I had compartment syndrome. They put the skin on the bottom part of my leg. In fact, right before this I was just at a doctor's appointment and he's a newer doctor and I was like, well, no, that's because my calf is in the front of my leg now. And he looked confused and I'm like, yeah, see, but I can still move it. Like I'm like, let me show you this trick, I can still move my calf in the front of my leg.
Speaker 1:And I was diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome. That's why I was just at the doctor, because I actually still live every single day with constant chronic pain. And when I was diagnosed with this nerve disease I was the doctor asked me I'll never forget he goes, are you the kind of girl that likes to push through pain? And I kind of thought, wow, he can tell. I've got a PhD in. Suck it up, like he can tell. And he's like, well, you need to stop. He goes, you need to stop right now. You've got something very serious. You've got complex regional pain syndrome.
Speaker 1:Your life is never going to be the same. You're going to be permanently disabled. You need to go home and get back in your wheelchair. And I was like, wait a minute, like how long do you want me to be in the wheelchair? And he goes no, forever, he goes.
Speaker 1:There's no known cure for this. Crps is dubbed the suicide disease because it's ranked highest on the pain scale. There is apparently no known cure, and a lot of people die from this disease because they overdose or they commit suicide, unfortunately. And so I thought that's not the life for me. I'm not gonna, you know nothing against wheelchairs my little brother's been in a wheelchair his whole life but that just was not the vision I had for my life, and so I did not go home and get back in my wheelchair. Instead, I went straight to physical therapy and I told Terry when I got there he's like Amberlee, you don't have an appointment today, what are you doing here? And I said well, I know I don't, but I just learned something and I'm going to have to work harder than I've ever worked before If I want to have a life that I've always imagined. And boy, I didn't know how hard it was going to be.
Speaker 1:It takes a lot of grit and it's been a journey, and that's why, you know, I wrote my first book, true Grit and Grace. But the journey it's taken me on, I was like you know what? We need to have some joy along the way. And that's why I have decided to write this next book, because, you know I pray. Nobody listening ever has to experience getting hit by a car or find themselves in a coma or is diagnosed with an incurable disease. But I feel like we've all been hit by something. And even if we haven't been hit by something, the entrepreneurial journey in itself holy cow, it is not for the faint of heart, and I thought I'm tired of just surviving. I don't wanna be in fight or flight all the time. I do wanna have some joy through the journey, and so it's been a learning experience and I'm happy to share all the mistakes that I've made along the way, that I've learned from you know every single one. I've learned valuable lessons from each one.
Speaker 2:You can tell, and not only do you learn it. Learn these lessons you. It's almost like you seek them out to share them as well. I got a question how long ago did the accident happen? And then how long? You said 36 surgeries. I hear that right 34 surgeries and 34.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the accident was um 14 years ago and I'm glad you asked that because I think nowadays so many people because of social media they think, oh well, you just had this accident and now you're upright and everything's great, and it's like I wasn't on social media at all when I was in and out of the surgery and when I was in the hospital the first time I would have a surgery, then a day of recovery and a surgery and a day of recovery, and it was like being tortured and also I didn't know well, is today the day they're going to amputate my leg, like there, I wasn't they. The risk of infection was so high that you know, one of the hardest things actually was was it was the first time that I was ever away from my youngest daughter and let me tell you how great they were at the hospital the nurses, who I actually went back to tell them thank you and hug their necks when I was able to finally walk, and they were like you're so tall I didn't realize you were, cause they'd only seen me in bed. They, I was in ICU and I couldn't see my youngest daughter. They guarded all the doors and everything and they let my husband sneak her in the hospital and so she could see me in the in the hospital and that was like the best day ever.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it was 14 years ago and I was in and out of surgery for six years and recovering and still to this day I'm still doing treatment after treatment. I mean, I was just people thought my husband thought I was crazy to go out of the country to do try a medical treatment that, tyler, this treatment went really wrong and I ended up back in a wheelchair. And this was just last. This was less than a year ago and so it's still something that you know. People go oh, you're still in pain, like, and I'm like. Well, yeah, I still have this complex regional pain syndrome, but I don't focus on the pain and I feel like you can have pain or you can have struggles and you can also have joy and it's up to us to build upon the joy and it's possible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what I would love to talk about, because I heard you say one time I don't know, I've consumed so much of your content that I don't know where I found it, or heard it was a podcast or on your social media feed, I don't know. I don't, I don't know, but you said something along the lines of your pain pushes you until your passion pulls you. So my question is what does that? What do you mean by that, first and then? Is that how you found a joy through the pain, and is that how you found your passion? Or just dissect that for me? Because I heard that, I immediately wrote it down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes I like it, especially when I'm speaking on stage and I get off stage and people say, oh, when you said that, I'm like I did. Sometimes I'm like I didn't even know I said that. But you know what I feel like? We all have joy inside of us and we have to do things that light light it, you know, keep that light shining bright and and keep sparking that joy. And I remember um as a young kid. So when my parent, my parents, got divorced when I was eight and my mom remarried and unfortunately, my stepfather started sexually abusing me when I was eight years old and I didn't know at the time what I was doing, but I was like intentionally, like purposefully, looking for things to make me happy. And I noticed how much dancing made me so happy and not only that, how it really made other people smile. And it got to where I remember I don't know if you have Dairy Queens there in Florida or in Maui, but every Friday night after the football game and I don't even know why my parents let me do this, but they would let me go hang out. It was like the band and people from the football game I mean, football's huge in Texas and they'd put music on in the jukebox and I would dance and they would put me on one of the tables and I would dance and it just it made me feel good and it brought joy to me. But what made me feel so good was seeing the people smile and clap and start to dance along with me and I was like this is joy. I didn't even know that that was joy at the time, but it was joy.
Speaker 1:And then I remember when I got out of the hospital I was in physical therapy every day, five days a week, or anyway. I was in physical therapy every day, five days a week, or anyway. I was in physical therapy and my physical therapist said hey, there was a guy that I treated years ago and he was in a motorcycle accident similar to yours and I was telling him about you and he'd like to come meet you and I was like that'd be great, I'd love to meet him and I mean I could barely walk. My leg was actually still broken. There was a non-union, but I was walking on titanium and he comes in and I'm walking and I'm sure it looked pretty scary and I was just so happy to be walking and I was smiling and I would always say hi to everybody in the physical therapy place and and the guy looked at Terry and goes what's wrong with her? She's way too happy. Does she not realize how bad this is? And I thought no, I'm focusing on the good that I'm out of a wheelchair, I'm walking Like I can't quite get my leg to bend enough to go around on the bike yet, but I'll get there too. It my leg to bend enough to go around on the bike yet, but I'll get there too.
Speaker 1:But I remember as a kid the things that I learned and the hardships that I went through. I think every hardship that we go through it's a choice that we can make to let that strengthen us and let us learn that lesson so later on down the road we can get through hard times. It strengthens our resilience, it builds our grit and you know, as a kid I think well, I think it's real important for kids to have healthy outlets and I chose athletics and dance and so, even though I had this pain and this shame from sexual abuse, that pain actually pushed me, it fueled me and I won. I got us to district. I won first place in the mile, the half mile, the two mile. I got the set a record in Texas for running the fastest mile.
Speaker 1:I went on to be a professional dancer, and not just that, but I went.
Speaker 1:I dove into how could I do the best that I could do in school?
Speaker 1:Because I did all the things that made me feel good. Looking back, I was a bit of an overachiever, but I guess it's better than getting into drugs and alcohol. Do you know what I mean? I didn't discover that until later, until I was not drugs but alcohol, until I really hit rock bottom after my motorcycle accident. But I think when I say pain pushes you until your purpose pulls you, the pain of not feeling safe, of the sexual abuse, of you know, I don't know of anybody that grows up in a perfect childhood but that pain, I was like, oh, I'm leaving and I'm going to LA as soon as I graduate. I'm going to be a professional dancer. And people were like, yeah, right, you want to, you want to make it big in Hollywood. And I was like, oh, yeah, cause I was pushed. There was no turning back. And then, once I got to Hollywood and I auditioned, a month later I was on him first music videos with MC Hammer and I was like that's amazing.
Speaker 1:I was like I get paid to do this. That's the passion. I was lit up on fire. So sometimes I think we need a little bit of that pain to push us out of our comfort zone or push us into where we need to go. And you know, I just interviewed one of my doctors, actually on my podcast, and he said, well, I don't want to get too philosophical or anything, but he goes. I don't know, maybe this accident happened, this motorcycle accident happened to you because you were meant to touch more lives than just one-on-one on the gym floor. I know you loved, you know training these clients, but maybe it was, you know, a way for you to be pushed to touch more people. And I was like, oh wow, you know people think, ask, would you take it all back? And I'm like I don't think that way because that would just make there's no going back. I just focus on let's go get her done. You know.
Speaker 2:That's it. I think that's part of the joy. You know, like man, there's so much to unpack. There's so much to unpack. That was a long answer.
Speaker 1:Answer wasn't it.
Speaker 2:No, it was a great no, no, no, sorry, it was a great answer, it's like, but there's literally so much to unpack, because your journey is incredible. How you face the journey is incredible, and I believe that my belief is that God doesn't bless us with an outcome. What he does is he blesses us with challenges to help us rise up, to be worthy or to the place we need for the outcome that we desire. And I believe that I absolutely believe that you were called and God knew that and needed to put you in a position, whatever way that was, to help.
Speaker 2:A lot of people don't like that because they look at it like you know. Why would God do that? Well, because God sees more than the short term. God sees a bigger picture. Like you said something that's critical. You said you would never take, you wouldn't take anything back, and I've interviewed lots of people with lots of challenges, lots of problems, lots of trials, and I haven't met anybody that's like man. I wish it didn't, because those people that I'm interviewing I'm interviewing because they use that as the fuel to get to the point that they have a story to share and your joy radiates.
Speaker 2:That's what I love about you is your joy radiates, and the question that I had written down because I I have my mom. You know, if you look at pivotal moments in my life, my mom is my biggest mentor in my life. I love her to death and she's definitely had challenges, you know, just like any of us. And I asked her one time I was interviewing her and he said, oh yeah, it was so great. It was so great Like one of my favorites ever. It was just so great. And I was asking her how she got through it and she said that you know, she would find joy in the small things and that when she couldn't do it for herself you know, get herself out of bed or whatever for herself, she would do it for her kids. She found something bigger, but what it was is my mom didn't just put one foot in front of the other, she did it joyfully. He found like, but my mom was one of the most joyful people I've ever met.
Speaker 2:I literally have a describer. I'm not just describing her like that because of your book, by the way. All of y'all should get both of her books, or or? You know, the grit and the grace book is already out, and if you don't, if you don't trust my word, first off let's BS Okay, but just in case you don't trust my word, go look at the Amazon reviews. They're phenomenal reviews and I'm so excited for your new book you know Joy Through the Journey to come out, and so that was going to be my question, my question that's a long lead into the question, but is it something that makes you different, like, do you believe that you're naturally joyful or naturally gritty, or have you learned or trained yourself how to do that or to be that?
Speaker 1:Have you learned or trained yourself how to do that or to be that you know. I think that you can really kind of train yourself to be more of that way. Now. I know that it's so funny because after this interview the other day we're walking down the hall and I had one of my doctors and his wife on the show and he looks at me. He goes now, have you always been so positive and so upbeat?
Speaker 1:And, and the first thing first of all, I am not always positive and upbeat. I have to work at it and I really I do things like I have learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself because I've got a mean inner critic. Even. I mean honestly, even with this new book, I was kind of freaking, freaking out. I woke up like with my heart pounding, going, oh my gosh, this is going to be out in the world and this is the most raw, real, vulnerable stuff I've ever put out there, like I'm sharing stuff. I don't think my husband even knows. Surprise, honey, when you listen to this episode, but it's, it's scary putting yourself out there. But I remember that's not about me. It's about the people that I can serve or the people that I can help and inspire, give hope.
Speaker 1:But I think as a kid I just thought I don't want to be. I really thought I don't want to be negative. There has to be more. I mean, at a young age I did feel a little bit different, like I would say, by the age of I'm not kidding maybe 10 years old, I was like I'm getting out of here, I'm going to go make something of my life and I'm moving to LA, and I said that for forever. And people were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, good for you, cute little girl, you know. And I'm like, no, no, I'm going to. But I think that there is a way to flip the script and when you do have those negative thoughts, to switch it and ask yourself is that real? Is that just something I'm telling myself or is that a fact? Is that an actual fact?
Speaker 1:But I also think that you know I really have to do things to keep myself mentally, physically and spiritually fit. And when I say that, you know, every morning, if I if my day, if I'm starting with calls at 7, well then I better get up at 5. If I start a little later, then I can sleep until 5.30. But I need to start my day, the first thing I do is I drop down to my knees and I pray and that starts my day, asking, you know, god to walk with me, to help me be the best that I can be, to help me serve. And when I get down on my knees, it just reminds me of how small I am and how big he is and that I can turn it over.
Speaker 1:And I have a gratitude practice. You know I get up and I drink. You know my gut health drink. I down a bunch of my immunity stuff and my gut health stuff. I down that water and then I sit and I have quiet time and I have this new assistant who I was like doing everything on my own. Actually I didn't have an assistant for a long, long time and I got this new assistant, who is amazing, amazing. I've never had this before. Ever. She blocked out on my schedule from 5 am to 7 am. That's my time.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh my gosh, I've got time, I can work out, I can do my spiritual reading, I can do my gratitude practice, and I know all of that may seem like a lot to pray, to practice gratitude, but, gosh, it's a hell of a lot better than a life of misery or a life of addiction or spiraling down into depression, because that's where I was and I don't ever want to be in that place again. So you know, my morning might look different than somebody else's and so I always say figure out what works for you, what does spark joy in your life, like I know for me, and in fact I told you I just came from a doctor's appointment and it's this new doctor and he's looking over my files of you know, 14 years of dealing with CRPS and now this doctor he's starting to kind of get to know me more. And he sat there and then started telling me about his girlfriend troubles and I was like I left the office and I was like fire flowers and he was like, okay, but he was telling me he's like, well, have you ever thought about this antidepressant? He goes I know we say antidepressant, but it's really for nerve pain and I was like, well, I think I've told you before, I don't want to take a bunch of drugs.
Speaker 1:I was like, as long as I can move my body, I'm going to feel okay, cause moving your body moves your mood, and there are times I don't feel like working out. I go to the gym and I sit in the car and I scroll through social media, and that's when I have to be my own coach and say Amberlee, get your butt up. You're going to feel better, you're going to have more confidence, you're going to have less pain if you just go in there and move your body however you can. And so I think that joy is a choice, and we all have that choice. And resilience is a choice, and it comes from deep within us and from the support around us, and we can build our grit every single day.
Speaker 2:Great answer, phenomenal answer. And I love how you said that joy is a choice at the end there, because I believe that, like when I'm listening to what you're telling me, what I what I hear is that you identify, like your identity is you're a joyful person and so when you're not, you're aware of your energy and you want to be joyful. Even the fact you said, hey, man, I gotta give a five, five calls a seven, so they're not, that's because you're energetically aware and it's almost like you have this sense of responsibility to bring that energy.
Speaker 1:So my question. Can I tell you something?
Speaker 2:real quick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, has this just happened? And thank you for saying that? But I think you are aware of your energy. When you can kind of pause, there's power in the pause. But this just happened and this really helped me and maybe this will help somebody who might be struggling.
Speaker 1:So I had this two and a half pound dog, this little bundle of joy, for 14 years. She was like my therapy dog. She was with me through surgeries, she was like my. My husband was like after we got her, he's like we're going to have to get pet insurance, because you would basically take a lean out on the house if anything went wrong with her. Well, she was old, but she died in a pretty traumatic way just recently and I was devastated. I'm the one that found her. I would.
Speaker 1:I could not stop crying. I couldn't stop crying. I don't know the last time I've cried that hard. I was just more. I mean, it hurt.
Speaker 1:And that day I thought you know what I need to do, something that's going to bring me some joy. Even in that, I'm going to try not to get too emotional. But what I did was I was like well, I guess I'm putting the Christmas tree up, and so I decorated the whole house. I could not sit still because it wasn't like I was trying to ignore my feelings, I just wanted to acknowledge them and then be able to function and I wanted to spark some joy. And so I was like, okay, I know it's going to make me happy to be festive. And I put the Christmas tree up where Goldie's bed used to be and I decorated the whole house and I'm like, well, that's done, it's very festive in here. And I was like I need to go out and I need to see people. I need, you know, we are not meant to do hard things alone.
Speaker 1:I went to HomeGoods and I was like I am going to do some joy spotting Intentionally, I'm going to be a joy sparker and I'm going to be joy spotting. Do you know, the first thing I saw when I walked into HomeGoods was a sign that said joy and I was like that's a God wink. Thank you, god, yes. And I went to HomeGoods, not because I wanted to shop, but because I wanted to see people and I wanted to smile at them and I wanted to see their smile back, and that just brought so much joy and it just kind of changed the way that I felt, and so sometimes I feel like when you're going through a hard time, get up, change the scenery, get out of the house, go smile at somebody, go be of service.
Speaker 1:However, you can uh, reach out and just know you're never alone, like that's the thing I used to try to do things alone, and if there's one thing you can take away from everything I'm sharing today is you are not alone. Like for me, I always remember fully rely on God. My daughter even made me this frog Isn't it cute? Fully rely on God to remind me to fully rely on God and to reach out for help. So I had to share those two things just really helped me just recently with something really painful.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing that. That is. You know, I think that you just shared an absolute, massive recipe for success in anything, which is like I would just challenge everyone to go back and just rewind and I'm going to tee it up for you of what to look for, but go back and rewind and re-listen. And what she focuses on is, the first off, her physiology your body. You go, move your body. You go do something. It's not, and I love how you said, I love how you said you were avoiding it. You were, you were feeling the emotion but remaining in control and that's's so powerful. And there's this tedious moment, right, but like, you move your body.
Speaker 2:The other one is the language that you use. The language you use is a, is a positive, powerful language, like even though you couldn't stop crying, which is I've been in that mode, I get that mode, I like I listen, I might look like a tough guy and I am damn it, but I mean, I've been in those modes where, but you, you, you use powerful language and then it's what you focused on. That was the third third thing. So your body, your language, and then your focus and what you focused on was others. You know you like, how, what an amazing person you are. That in that moment, your thought was I'm going to go to HomeGoods and be a creator of joy. And I'm going to reference it back to what you said earlier. You said that you did the same thing. Did you say eight years old when?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Can you believe they let me at the Dairy Queen dancing on the tabletops. And then, everywhere I would go, my mom would start saying do a tap dance for them. So everywhere we went, we'd be walking past the table and she'd be like, well, do a tap dance for them. And it dancing still brings me so much joy that, um, my, I, I take my youngest daughter like everywhere with me and we were sitting at this table and it was like a round table and it was all these very successful billionaire entrepreneurs, all men, and then me and my daughter, and my daughter can hold her own man, she's amazing. And they said now, Ruby, what is one thing that your mom does that just really embarrasses you? And without, I mean, she, just right away, was like you know what? She dances all the time. Everywhere we go in the store, like at the market, down the aisle, she dances. And I'm like, well, because it makes me happy, it it sparks joy. So, of course. So I still love dancing.
Speaker 2:Dear and listen, she's gonna, she's gonna, she probably already does, but she gets older and looks back. It's going to be her some of her favorite memories you know of. Like man, my mom was the best like no matter where it'd be, so I get.
Speaker 2:no, I guarantee you it will be. Those things that embarrass us are actually the things that we love the most. You know, as we get older and we really realize that that's so great, that's so great, your identity. So you have this identity, as you know, a dancer, and I'm asking you this because, well, I'll tell you why after I ask you this you have this identity as a dancer and a fitness model and you know all these things fitness, huge in your life, and all those kinds of things and then you get in an accident that obviously your leg is. You know, it's the first thing that's going through your mind, like you're saying what was your? Well, I will ask you this now, in present tense what is your identity? And now, currently, and how has that changed over the years?
Speaker 1:Oh, I will tell you and this sounds really shallow, Um, but my whole identity was caught up on the way that I looked Cause, if you think about it, like being a professional dancer, and I had a very successful career in dance, and then I had a very successful career in the fitness industry and I was basically a walking billboard for my business. I mean, like I said, I didn't do Facebook ads, I didn't have social media. I could walk to Coffee Bean and pick up two clients and I'm not saying that, I'm just saying to give you a perspective. My nickname was Legs and, to have all of that wiped away, we had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses. We had a lien on our house. I was out of work when I was the main breadwinner. I was completely scarred and deformed from the hip down. I completely lost my identity. I felt the only value that I had was in how much I could provide, how much money I could make, what I could provide for my family, the way that I looked, how many clients I had, how many people I could train, how many lives I could change.
Speaker 1:But it was really overall, my identity was I was all gone and I really hit rock bottom and that's when I was trying all these medical treatments to try to get out of pain. And it was the physical pain, the emotional pain, the looking down at myself and hating myself, and that's when I got into an addiction. And that's when I got into an addiction. But I had to learn through sobriety. By the grace of God, I got sober in 2016.
Speaker 1:And I started rebuilding my life and peeling away the layers and healing stuff I thought I had worked on but I hadn't and really feeling those feelings and I think we heal what we reveal and we have to get radically honest with ourself. And I realized that my identity isn't about the way that I look. It's not about how much money I make. It's not about, um, how many stages I get to you know I have the honor of speaking on. It's about how, how well I love, how much I can love and how much I can spread joy, and that's so different and it's so freeing and it's allowed me to actually love myself again, because I really hated myself.
Speaker 1:I hated the way that I looked, I hated my leg, and I think that when we can get radically honest and we can be in acceptance, we are able to take action, steps in the right direction, whether that's you know, whether that's with you, know your mentality, or whether that's with your career, because I can't tell you how many people that I talk to that just have blinders on and they don't want to look at their relationship or what's going wrong in their business. But, man, when we are honest with ourself, the truth will set you free. Now it might kick your butt a little bit at first, but it will set you free and it will give you the life that you've always imagined when you do the work it's a phenomenal answer, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:So I ask you that question because I know that that hadn't been such a battle, and especially on the physical, you know, just the physical side. That's what everything's, you know, tied into and this doesn't seem, you know, would you say, superficial or shallow. Not at all. It seems very logical that that would be the case, and the reason I ask you that is because and what you said, you said that we heal what we reveal, and I want to drill down on that, because we talk about joy, we talk about how we're the. You want to be the creator of joy and you are the creator of joy. But how do you heal? Because I'm very we just dip for some. This is the question for me.
Speaker 2:Okay, most of the questions that I ask are for everyone else, but this was for me, which is, I'm a very good read of energy and I I absolutely, very much, very cognizant of the energy that I bring into any situation. Like it's my responsibility, I feel it, you know, and sometimes I I don't share things, not because I'm not willing to share. I'm willing to share anything, like somebody talks to me, I'm willing to share anything, and this year has been probably one of the most challenging years of my life. I'm just being real, and some people listening to this definitely know some of those things, um, but I don't openly share that often because not because I'm not willing to, but because I want to bring joy no matter where I go. Like literally, that's how I identify. So how do you balance that? You, personally, how do you balance like, okay, I'm going to share this and steal the joy and, you know, still bring the joy? It's a loaded question, but is there something that you have that you balance that?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I know I totally understand what you're saying because and honestly, I just had a situation in my business where I brought someone I'm very, very, very protective of. My mastermind group is like my family man. They are like I am so protective of them. I'm protective of who I introduce them to like who I bring in the circle I only. And one of the reasons I even started the mastermind was because I had come across so many people who just didn't have integrity.
Speaker 1:I lost a lot of money and when I finally found some good, honorable people that were honest and had integrity, I was like I'm keeping them close and I want to make sure other women don't get burned the way that I did. And let me tell you, in my business I just recently got conned and I have not been conned this bad since my divorce almost 30 years ago from my first husband and I had a responsibility to tell the ladies it's not like I'm going out saying names or bad mouthing this person. That's not who I am. I'm not going to sink that low but I had a responsibility as a leader to make sure that none of these women actually the same thing didn't happen to them, so they didn't work with this person and lose thousands and thousands of dollars. Do you know what I mean? And so I went into the group and I'm always so positive, I'm always like let's do that, but I had to tell them.
Speaker 1:And so what I do is I always say the obstacle, then I offer the solution and then I say the benefit.
Speaker 1:So even and that's whether I mean and you know what I don't try to pretend like everything is always good because it's not, and that's why I keep it so real on my social media and I share no-transcript.
Speaker 1:And the benefit of it is I know other people are going to be able to go out there and spark joy, and so I think anytime you share, especially as a man, like we need leaders that are going to share that hey, you know what they struggle too. It's going to connect you even more to your team, to your partner, to your friends, to your associates, if they know that you're not. I mean I tell people I'm not always joyful. Ask my husband, but I know when I'm not and I know how to fix it. You know what I mean, my husband, but I know when I'm not and I know how to fix it. You know what I mean, and so I think, if you share that obstacle but you share the solution and you share the benefit, that's how you can do it in a way that's going to be powerful and you're not going to be a doggy downer You'll still be a puppy upper.
Speaker 2:That's so good. What an amazing answer. Like I, took notes, as you were saying, and I literally am so excited to go back and relisten to that, because it's a very similar situation, by the way, that.
Speaker 1:I've been going through.
Speaker 2:And same thing. I don't want to get into names and details, and that's what I don't get into, and you know, because I don't want to stoop to that level either. But what you said, what was really good for me to understand, is that it's like you've got to be able to make sure that nobody else gets taken advantage of, you know, and it's like, and it doesn't need to be a smear campaign, that's the whole thing. Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1:It's not that and actually one of the ladies in the group said, oh, should we go write bad reviews? And I said no, no, no, no, no. I was like none of that. No bad reviews, no, nothing on social media. Do not do that. I was like I'm not doing that. I said my job is to protect you. I said God will take care of the rest. God is you know. I feel like when we're doing something important, we will hit resistance. The devil will come in and try to stop us, but when God always wins and um, and I'll let karma just take care of that, I don't need to, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna go to that negative energy cause. It's real negative and I'm going to keep my eye on the prize and keep moving forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, dude rockstar, what an amazing answer and what an amazing framework that you've laid out like say the obstacle, offer the solution, say the benefit and then, dude, keep locked in on what you're truly going after. And listen, we, this whole episode has been around how to continue to maintain joy and literally thrive through discomfort, thrive through struggle, and it's by focusing on what you really want, reminding yourself why you want it and then finding ways to go get it. Dude, you are a master class in that. Everyone, please go get her book. You've probably already pre-registered, but go pre-register for her book. Go, because it comes out in February.
Speaker 2:You have an event coming up, the Success Summit. If you haven't seen her speak on stage, she's an absolute beast on stage in the best way, like you're so good, such a great communicator.
Speaker 1:You're so sweet, can we just hang out all day? You're amazing, please.
Speaker 2:I know, hey, and I know the time and I know that you have one top of the hour, so I want to be cognizant of your time, but I just want to thank you for being on here.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you Very welcome, very welcome. I'll put all the links and everything beneath, you know, below I'll share everything with the community and then everybody else out there. Man, go follow Amberlee, if you don't already, if you don't, you're one of the few in the world who don't. But go follow her, go go buy the book, go support her and her cause it's a beautiful cause and then go share this episode with somebody who needs some more joy in their life. I live always with Aloha Peace.