{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.54,"body":"Coming up on the Leadership Growth Podcast."},{"startTime":3.54,"endTime":6.3,"body":"If you want to identify your trigger points,"},{"startTime":6.3,"endTime":10.04,"body":"think back across the last three to five days"},{"startTime":10.04,"endTime":13.24,"body":"and identify moments when you were frustrated,"},{"startTime":13.24,"endTime":17.02,"body":"moments when you might've even gotten really mad,"},{"startTime":17.02,"endTime":20.96,"body":"and think back what happened"},{"startTime":20.96,"endTime":22.78,"body":"in those moments of frustration"},{"startTime":22.78,"endTime":26.6,"body":"that led to the frustration and even the anger."},{"startTime":26.6,"endTime":28.0,"body":"What happened?"},{"startTime":28.0,"endTime":29.96,"body":"And how did you interpret it?"},{"startTime":29.96,"endTime":35.84,"body":"There you will find trigger points."},{"startTime":35.84,"endTime":37.94,"body":"And you do that a couple of times,"},{"startTime":37.94,"endTime":40.84,"body":"and I would bet you're going to start to see themes of,"},{"startTime":40.84,"endTime":44.48,"body":"\"Oh yeah, that is what gets me.\""},{"startTime":44.48,"endTime":48.12,"body":"And it's then helpful to identify for you,"},{"startTime":48.12,"endTime":50.32,"body":"and you can keep that in mind moving forward."},{"startTime":50.32,"endTime":53.86,"body":"So look for those moments when you feel frustrated,"},{"startTime":53.86,"endTime":56.62,"body":"when you feel stressed, when you feel mad."},{"startTime":57.18,"endTime":58.88,"body":"And those are the times"},{"startTime":58.88,"endTime":61.72,"body":"that your triggers often have just occurred."},{"startTime":61.72,"endTime":64.32,"body":"(upbeat music)"},{"startTime":64.32,"endTime":72.22,"body":"Hey everyone, welcome to another episode"},{"startTime":72.22,"endTime":74.2,"body":"of the Leadership Growth Podcast."},{"startTime":74.2,"endTime":77.6,"body":"I'm Daniel Stewart, joined as always by my brother"},{"startTime":77.6,"endTime":79.94,"body":"with my brother, Peter Stewart."},{"startTime":79.94,"endTime":83.6,"body":"And we're here to talk about some great timely topics,"},{"startTime":83.6,"endTime":87.68,"body":"tools and ideas to help you grow your leadership ability."},{"startTime":87.68,"endTime":92.02,"body":"So as we always do, insight of the week."},{"startTime":92.02,"endTime":94.62,"body":"(upbeat music)"},{"startTime":94.62,"endTime":98.16,"body":"What's something Peter that you want to share"},{"startTime":98.16,"endTime":99.36,"body":"that you've learned about?"},{"startTime":99.36,"endTime":102.82,"body":"- Well, thanks, always good to be with you Daniel"},{"startTime":102.82,"endTime":105.32,"body":"as we chat about leadership."},{"startTime":105.32,"endTime":107.0,"body":"Here's the insight."},{"startTime":107.0,"endTime":109.26,"body":"So the insight I heard comes all the way"},{"startTime":109.26,"endTime":112.34,"body":"from across the pond in the Netherlands."},{"startTime":112.34,"endTime":115.94,"body":"I love to hear just fun stories about people"},{"startTime":115.94,"endTime":118.82,"body":"and organizations thinking outside the box."},{"startTime":118.82,"endTime":123.32,"body":"So Jumbo Supermarket is a international chain"},{"startTime":123.32,"endTime":125.56,"body":"headquartered in the Netherlands."},{"startTime":125.56,"endTime":131.76,"body":"And they implemented a slow checkout line a year or so ago."},{"startTime":131.76,"endTime":137.86,"body":"A slow checkout line geared toward individuals"},{"startTime":137.86,"endTime":139.6,"body":"who might be feeling lonely."},{"startTime":140.8,"endTime":142.3,"body":"And as they go through--"},{"startTime":142.3,"endTime":144.4,"body":"- Slow, what do you mean in contrast"},{"startTime":144.4,"endTime":146.18,"body":"to all of the other checkout lines,"},{"startTime":146.18,"endTime":148.14,"body":"which we want to go quickly?"},{"startTime":148.14,"endTime":149.38,"body":"- Correct."},{"startTime":149.38,"endTime":151.34,"body":"- One is not supposed to go fast."},{"startTime":151.34,"endTime":152.98,"body":"- No, it's supposed to go slow."},{"startTime":152.98,"endTime":156.38,"body":"So this isn't the express lane of 10 items or less."},{"startTime":156.38,"endTime":158.82,"body":"You're in there on a mission trying to get out."},{"startTime":158.82,"endTime":161.46,"body":"Regular lane where you're trying to just get out."},{"startTime":161.46,"endTime":165.3,"body":"You do not have an appointment to get to."},{"startTime":165.3,"endTime":167.6,"body":"You are here for social interaction."},{"startTime":168.6,"endTime":171.76,"body":"So they launched this slow check-in."},{"startTime":171.76,"endTime":175.8,"body":"It's the chatter checkout, as they call it."},{"startTime":175.8,"endTime":178.3,"body":"So people line up there and you'll be able"},{"startTime":178.3,"endTime":180.98,"body":"to have a nice conversation with the checkout person"},{"startTime":180.98,"endTime":183.64,"body":"as you buy your groceries."},{"startTime":183.64,"endTime":187.28,"body":"Then you go on. And they have found it to be so successful"},{"startTime":187.28,"endTime":188.62,"body":"that they have now rolled it out"},{"startTime":188.62,"endTime":190.78,"body":"to over 200 of their stores."},{"startTime":190.78,"endTime":192.66,"body":"(laughs)"},{"startTime":192.66,"endTime":197.66,"body":"200 and, and not only do they have the chatty checkout,"},{"startTime":197.7,"endTime":202.16,"body":"they have also put in place the chatty corner."},{"startTime":202.16,"endTime":206.34,"body":"And it's little couple tables off to the side of the store"},{"startTime":206.34,"endTime":210.2,"body":"where patrons of the, of the store can sit down,"},{"startTime":210.2,"endTime":212.7,"body":"have a little cup of coffee and talk with each other."},{"startTime":212.7,"endTime":219.54,"body":"As an effort to try and counter the loneliness epidemic"},{"startTime":219.54,"endTime":220.72,"body":"they are finding in their country."},{"startTime":220.72,"endTime":224.28,"body":"So when I heard this news, I thought, wow,"},{"startTime":224.28,"endTime":225.98,"body":"what a paradigm shift."},{"startTime":226.92,"endTime":229.08,"body":"Of let's do the churn."},{"startTime":229.08,"endTime":233.22,"body":"Let's get as many people through the store as possible."},{"startTime":233.22,"endTime":236.76,"body":"And they really stopped to think about their clientele,"},{"startTime":236.76,"endTime":240.2,"body":"who are their guests in their store"},{"startTime":240.2,"endTime":242.34,"body":"and how did they meet their needs?"},{"startTime":242.34,"endTime":244.9,"body":"So they thought, hey, let's give them some interaction."},{"startTime":244.9,"endTime":248.04,"body":"So that was a little bit of a heartwarming story"},{"startTime":248.04,"endTime":251.94,"body":"but also made me think, what a wonderful, innovative idea."},{"startTime":254.34,"endTime":258.72,"body":"- Well, it's a lovely way of building community for sure."},{"startTime":258.72,"endTime":262.28,"body":"And to go against so many of the efficiency"},{"startTime":262.28,"endTime":266.86,"body":"productivity notions, which does not always consider"},{"startTime":266.86,"endTime":268.92,"body":"of course, community, social,"},{"startTime":268.92,"endTime":272.3,"body":"but to then use a different rationale,"},{"startTime":272.3,"endTime":277.2,"body":"think of what kind of a customer experience is needed"},{"startTime":277.2,"endTime":280.44,"body":"for a certain segment of the population."},{"startTime":280.44,"endTime":283.4,"body":"And how can we help support that?"},{"startTime":283.4,"endTime":285.88,"body":"What a beautiful idea."},{"startTime":285.88,"endTime":287.08,"body":"- Yeah, I really loved it."},{"startTime":287.08,"endTime":289.84,"body":"And I thought, okay, looking at areas"},{"startTime":289.84,"endTime":292.08,"body":"of this country or organizations"},{"startTime":292.08,"endTime":293.98,"body":"that could adopt something like that."},{"startTime":293.98,"endTime":297.06,"body":"What if Publix in Florida started doing this?"},{"startTime":297.06,"endTime":300.22,"body":"Or they may have in Arizona and other places."},{"startTime":300.22,"endTime":304.6,"body":"But it just, it gave me a moment to pause and think,"},{"startTime":304.6,"endTime":309.06,"body":"what are other ways organizations can try and meet a niche"},{"startTime":309.06,"endTime":312.4,"body":"or a need in their customers"},{"startTime":312.4,"endTime":314.5,"body":"that might not be met somewhere else"},{"startTime":314.5,"endTime":317.8,"body":"and at the same time be creating some brand loyalty."},{"startTime":317.8,"endTime":322.18,"body":"- Yeah, it's challenging all of us to think,"},{"startTime":322.18,"endTime":324.34,"body":"who are our clients?"},{"startTime":324.34,"endTime":326.04,"body":"Who are our customers?"},{"startTime":326.04,"endTime":331.06,"body":"Are we truly reaching them to what matters for them"},{"startTime":331.06,"endTime":335.9,"body":"when the profit perspective may not matter to them as much,"},{"startTime":335.9,"endTime":339.56,"body":"but frankly, they become even more loyal"},{"startTime":339.56,"endTime":343.34,"body":"and we're addressing deeper, helpful issues for them"},{"startTime":343.34,"endTime":344.84,"body":"at the same time."},{"startTime":344.84,"endTime":346.9,"body":"- Correct, it's a win-win-win."},{"startTime":346.9,"endTime":348.5,"body":"'Cause if you think about it,"},{"startTime":348.5,"endTime":351.0,"body":"if those individuals are so enjoying"},{"startTime":351.0,"endTime":353.64,"body":"the short little conversation they're having"},{"startTime":353.64,"endTime":357.38,"body":"at the checkout, is this, has this now shifted"},{"startTime":357.38,"endTime":359.74,"body":"from maybe a once a week activity"},{"startTime":359.74,"endTime":362.12,"body":"to maybe every day they show up"},{"startTime":362.12,"endTime":365.68,"body":"and they're buying their lunch or dinner for that day?"},{"startTime":365.68,"endTime":366.62,"body":"Why?"},{"startTime":366.62,"endTime":368.72,"body":"Because they get to go see some others."},{"startTime":368.72,"endTime":371.12,"body":"- Yeah, love it."},{"startTime":371.12,"endTime":373.36,"body":"Great insight, great way of viewing"},{"startTime":373.36,"endTime":375.7,"body":"and helping all of us kind of make sure"},{"startTime":375.7,"endTime":379.5,"body":"that we're thinking of that people, planet, and profits,"},{"startTime":379.5,"endTime":383.44,"body":"but broader than simply the productivity component."},{"startTime":383.44,"endTime":384.28,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":384.28,"endTime":387.84,"body":"And the publicity they've gotten,"},{"startTime":387.84,"endTime":390.64,"body":"here we are in the United States talking about"},{"startTime":390.64,"endTime":394.04,"body":"a decision made by a supermarket change in the Netherlands"},{"startTime":394.04,"endTime":397.58,"body":"that have no stores in the US that I'm aware of."},{"startTime":397.58,"endTime":398.42,"body":"Maybe they do."},{"startTime":398.42,"endTime":402.06,"body":"And they're getting a little publicity too."},{"startTime":402.06,"endTime":404.8,"body":"- Yep, yep, love it."},{"startTime":404.8,"endTime":406.42,"body":"We'll have to put a link on the show notes"},{"startTime":406.42,"endTime":410.46,"body":"so people can take a look at this organization."},{"startTime":410.46,"endTime":411.3,"body":"This is great."},{"startTime":411.3,"endTime":412.24,"body":"- I love that."},{"startTime":412.24,"endTime":416.5,"body":"So Daniel, let's take a little trip down memory lane."},{"startTime":416.5,"endTime":419.08,"body":"(upbeat music)"},{"startTime":419.08,"endTime":424.14,"body":"What is, what have you been thinking about this last week?"},{"startTime":425.52,"endTime":429.18,"body":"- So I think it's time to talk about the podium."},{"startTime":429.18,"endTime":432.42,"body":"(laughing)"},{"startTime":432.42,"endTime":435.62,"body":"- Are the listeners gonna be ready for this, Daniel?"},{"startTime":435.62,"endTime":437.52,"body":"- Listeners, I hope you're ready."},{"startTime":437.52,"endTime":439.66,"body":"This is memory lane."},{"startTime":439.66,"endTime":441.46,"body":"It's entitled \"The Podium.\""},{"startTime":441.46,"endTime":444.1,"body":"So picture this."},{"startTime":444.1,"endTime":448.3,"body":"So we have, I'm one of four brothers."},{"startTime":448.3,"endTime":452.34,"body":"I'm the oldest, then Peter, then two others, okay?"},{"startTime":452.34,"endTime":456.0,"body":"And as we would have family meetings"},{"startTime":456.0,"endTime":458.84,"body":"or every night we would have family night"},{"startTime":458.84,"endTime":459.84,"body":"or every Monday night."},{"startTime":459.84,"endTime":461.24,"body":"- Every week, Monday night."},{"startTime":461.24,"endTime":463.68,"body":"- Yeah, not every night, every Monday night."},{"startTime":463.68,"endTime":466.96,"body":"We would play games, we'd have a lesson, we'd talk together."},{"startTime":466.96,"endTime":468.72,"body":"That's just what we did as a family."},{"startTime":468.72,"endTime":474.92,"body":"And my dad had a podium built"},{"startTime":474.92,"endTime":479.66,"body":"so that we were able to conduct family night"},{"startTime":479.66,"endTime":483.44,"body":"and speak from the podium because he wanted"},{"startTime":483.44,"endTime":487.18,"body":"to help raise sons who could, or daughters,"},{"startTime":487.18,"endTime":490.18,"body":"if he had daughters, he wanted to raise kids"},{"startTime":490.18,"endTime":493.74,"body":"who were confident speaking in front of others."},{"startTime":493.74,"endTime":498.98,"body":"And so we would always get up behind the podium"},{"startTime":498.98,"endTime":502.48,"body":"and we'd welcome people and we would talk."},{"startTime":502.48,"endTime":505.42,"body":"It sounds a little crazy."},{"startTime":505.42,"endTime":506.26,"body":"I'm telling you."},{"startTime":506.26,"endTime":511.26,"body":"And you, Peter, I think people may have just turned us off"},{"startTime":511.26,"endTime":512.76,"body":"going, \"You guys are nuts.\""},{"startTime":512.76,"endTime":514.76,"body":"But this is what happened."},{"startTime":514.76,"endTime":516.3,"body":"- And we loved it."},{"startTime":516.3,"endTime":520.0,"body":"It was really an exciting thing because here we'd been"},{"startTime":520.0,"endTime":522.0,"body":"and whether it was at church or other meetings,"},{"startTime":522.0,"endTime":525.64,"body":"you watch people conduct and here there was a podium"},{"startTime":525.64,"endTime":527.82,"body":"and we're learning how to welcome everybody,"},{"startTime":527.82,"endTime":531.12,"body":"to give announcements and to share a quick little lesson"},{"startTime":531.12,"endTime":533.92,"body":"or talk on a subject as you share a talent"},{"startTime":533.92,"endTime":535.52,"body":"or something you learned at school."},{"startTime":535.52,"endTime":540.32,"body":"But we got very comfortable speaking out in that format."},{"startTime":540.32,"endTime":544.02,"body":"- Yes, that's a fact."},{"startTime":544.02,"endTime":548.56,"body":"And I try to think of analogous situations"},{"startTime":548.56,"endTime":553.56,"body":"for other families and I'm sure if another dad or mom"},{"startTime":553.56,"endTime":557.0,"body":"in another family was really into engineering,"},{"startTime":557.0,"endTime":558.88,"body":"they may come home and say,"},{"startTime":558.88,"endTime":562.04,"body":"\"Hey, let's work three equations together.\""},{"startTime":562.04,"endTime":564.72,"body":"I don't know, but that was the equivalent"},{"startTime":564.72,"endTime":566.52,"body":"- That was the equivalent."},{"startTime":566.52,"endTime":568.72,"body":"- Here's the basis of coding."},{"startTime":568.72,"endTime":570.28,"body":"Every kid got a raspberry pie"},{"startTime":570.28,"endTime":573.32,"body":"and they started learning coding at a very young age."},{"startTime":573.32,"endTime":575.36,"body":"Or we're all gonna learn how to bake bread"},{"startTime":575.36,"endTime":578.22,"body":"because dad's mom's, they're a baker"},{"startTime":578.22,"endTime":580.36,"body":"and they run a bread industry or something."},{"startTime":580.36,"endTime":583.86,"body":"You pass on some of these insights to your children"},{"startTime":583.86,"endTime":587.6,"body":"and we happen to grow up in a household where dad was,"},{"startTime":587.6,"endTime":589.64,"body":"and he still is a fabulous speaker."},{"startTime":589.64,"endTime":591.98,"body":"Tried to give those."},{"startTime":591.98,"endTime":594.98,"body":"So many a fun memory."},{"startTime":594.98,"endTime":598.58,"body":"One, watching my siblings, my brothers,"},{"startTime":598.58,"endTime":600.48,"body":"give talks from that podium,"},{"startTime":600.48,"endTime":605.48,"body":"but then also being behind that podium and sharing that."},{"startTime":605.48,"endTime":608.56,"body":"So kind of a fun memory is to think about"},{"startTime":608.56,"endTime":609.76,"body":"what are the little things you can do"},{"startTime":609.76,"endTime":612.32,"body":"to help people feel comfortable"},{"startTime":612.32,"endTime":614.02,"body":"as they're building a skill?"},{"startTime":614.02,"endTime":615.62,"body":"'Cause it's all about practice."},{"startTime":615.62,"endTime":617.84,"body":"- That's a fact."},{"startTime":617.84,"endTime":621.3,"body":"Over and over and building that sense of confidence"},{"startTime":621.3,"endTime":623.04,"body":"that you can stand in front of others"},{"startTime":623.04,"endTime":625.68,"body":"and being able to then speak absolutely."},{"startTime":625.68,"endTime":630.2,"body":"So there you go, Peter, the podium has come."},{"startTime":630.2,"endTime":631.84,"body":"Memory lane."},{"startTime":631.84,"endTime":633.48,"body":"- That's a fun memory."},{"startTime":633.48,"endTime":637.78,"body":"I'm not sure we quite got our Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours"},{"startTime":637.78,"endTime":640.56,"body":"in before we flew the coop and left home,"},{"startTime":640.56,"endTime":642.56,"body":"but we sure got several."},{"startTime":642.56,"endTime":645.88,"body":"Several lanes. - Yes, that's a fact."},{"startTime":645.88,"endTime":646.76,"body":"That's a fact."},{"startTime":646.76,"endTime":651.2,"body":"Okay, so can we stay on the theme of communication?"},{"startTime":651.2,"endTime":654.22,"body":"Because that topic today-- - It's a great theme."},{"startTime":654.22,"endTime":655.66,"body":"- Fantastic theme."},{"startTime":655.66,"endTime":660.54,"body":"So the topic today is how do you create shared meaning"},{"startTime":660.54,"endTime":662.64,"body":"in conversation?"},{"startTime":662.64,"endTime":666.24,"body":"Because each person is gonna approach a conversation."},{"startTime":666.24,"endTime":667.8,"body":"I have my meaning."},{"startTime":667.8,"endTime":669.24,"body":"This is what I'm trying to convey."},{"startTime":669.24,"endTime":671.16,"body":"This is what I want to get out of this."},{"startTime":671.16,"endTime":672.28,"body":"You have your meaning."},{"startTime":672.28,"endTime":674.36,"body":"This is what you're trying to get out of this."},{"startTime":674.36,"endTime":678.36,"body":"We need to somehow create a shared meaning"},{"startTime":678.36,"endTime":680.2,"body":"for us to be on the same page,"},{"startTime":680.2,"endTime":682.68,"body":"for us to be aligned, for us to move forward"},{"startTime":682.68,"endTime":684.96,"body":"in helpful, productive ways."},{"startTime":684.96,"endTime":689.0,"body":"Creating this shared space, this pool,"},{"startTime":689.0,"endTime":691.98,"body":"however you want to then conceptualize it."},{"startTime":691.98,"endTime":694.92,"body":"This is what we do consistently"},{"startTime":694.92,"endTime":697.28,"body":"as many times a day as we can"},{"startTime":697.28,"endTime":699.76,"body":"so that we can then move things forward."},{"startTime":699.76,"endTime":702.0,"body":"And the challenges are coming"},{"startTime":702.0,"endTime":705.0,"body":"when this meaning is not understood."},{"startTime":705.0,"endTime":708.12,"body":"Or we think we know what the other person is."},{"startTime":708.12,"endTime":709.16,"body":"Oh yeah, yeah, I got it."},{"startTime":709.16,"endTime":711.8,"body":"And you're like, actually, you know what, huh?"},{"startTime":711.8,"endTime":714.32,"body":"And this assumption that it has taken place"},{"startTime":714.32,"endTime":716.56,"body":"gets us into all sorts of trouble."},{"startTime":716.56,"endTime":719.96,"body":"And so we have some ideas"},{"startTime":719.96,"endTime":722.84,"body":"to be able to help accelerate this,"},{"startTime":722.84,"endTime":724.76,"body":"help ensure it happens,"},{"startTime":724.76,"endTime":727.72,"body":"help facilitate the exchange"},{"startTime":727.72,"endTime":731.0,"body":"and the creation of shared meaning together."},{"startTime":731.0,"endTime":732.36,"body":"Peter, as you're hearing all this,"},{"startTime":732.36,"endTime":734.2,"body":"what are you thinking?"},{"startTime":734.2,"endTime":736.18,"body":"- Yeah, I mean, you're describing it really well."},{"startTime":736.18,"endTime":737.6,"body":"And I think we go back to"},{"startTime":737.6,"endTime":739.76,"body":"what are some of the fundamental reasons"},{"startTime":739.76,"endTime":742.28,"body":"why this is a challenge?"},{"startTime":742.28,"endTime":744.44,"body":"And it comes back to one,"},{"startTime":744.44,"endTime":748.54,"body":"as humans, we cannot read each other's minds."},{"startTime":748.54,"endTime":754.0,"body":"As much as we'd like to think we could or we try, we can't."},{"startTime":754.0,"endTime":757.12,"body":"And there is no mechanism"},{"startTime":757.12,"endTime":760.96,"body":"to communicate what is inside of our thoughts"},{"startTime":760.96,"endTime":765.9,"body":"to somebody else without some form of communication."},{"startTime":766.8,"endTime":767.64,"body":"And we're not, what is it?"},{"startTime":767.64,"endTime":770.28,"body":"Is it Avatar, the big blue creatures?"},{"startTime":770.28,"endTime":772.44,"body":"And they have those tails in the back of their heads"},{"startTime":772.44,"endTime":774.08,"body":"and they stick them in the back."},{"startTime":774.08,"endTime":776.56,"body":"And oh, immediately now you know"},{"startTime":776.56,"endTime":779.4,"body":"the other creature's meaning."},{"startTime":779.4,"endTime":780.42,"body":"We can't do that."},{"startTime":780.42,"endTime":783.56,"body":"So it's figuring out what are ways"},{"startTime":783.56,"endTime":786.82,"body":"in which we can understand that meaning better"},{"startTime":786.82,"endTime":789.12,"body":"so that it can be a shared meaning."},{"startTime":789.12,"endTime":790.28,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":790.28,"endTime":794.72,"body":"And you're reminding me, going back to grad school days,"},{"startTime":794.72,"endTime":798.56,"body":"studying aspects and theory of communication,"},{"startTime":798.56,"endTime":801.1,"body":"there's a notion out there called solipsism."},{"startTime":801.1,"endTime":803.4,"body":"- So, okay, now wait, wait."},{"startTime":803.4,"endTime":805.5,"body":"Say that again for those that might not have"},{"startTime":805.5,"endTime":807.96,"body":"had a graduate degree in communication."},{"startTime":807.96,"endTime":809.52,"body":"- So solipsism."},{"startTime":809.52,"endTime":814.52,"body":"So this idea that we can never truly understand each other."},{"startTime":814.52,"endTime":819.24,"body":"We can never truly understand each other's meaning."},{"startTime":819.24,"endTime":822.96,"body":"And I absolutely reject that."},{"startTime":822.96,"endTime":826.96,"body":"However, I can see where we can sometimes"},{"startTime":826.96,"endTime":828.92,"body":"hover around that space."},{"startTime":828.92,"endTime":829.76,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":829.76,"endTime":834.68,"body":"- I'm a firm believer that we can do things to understand."},{"startTime":834.68,"endTime":838.36,"body":"We can reach a common understanding with each other."},{"startTime":838.36,"endTime":840.72,"body":"It does take work."},{"startTime":840.72,"endTime":842.64,"body":"And that's the goal."},{"startTime":842.64,"endTime":844.8,"body":"I mean, we're talking workplace stuff,"},{"startTime":844.8,"endTime":848.0,"body":"but yes, this goes far beyond workplace."},{"startTime":848.0,"endTime":852.44,"body":"And so we can reject this notion that we can't."},{"startTime":853.44,"endTime":856.72,"body":"And in place, how do we keep then working toward it?"},{"startTime":856.72,"endTime":858.12,"body":"So a couple of--"},{"startTime":858.12,"endTime":859.92,"body":"- I'm glad you rejected that though."},{"startTime":859.92,"endTime":860.76,"body":"- Yes."},{"startTime":860.76,"endTime":864.4,"body":"- Because if solipsism, am I saying that correctly?"},{"startTime":864.4,"endTime":865.32,"body":"- Yeah, that's correct."},{"startTime":865.32,"endTime":866.16,"body":"Yes, yes."},{"startTime":866.16,"endTime":867.88,"body":"- If solipsism was true,"},{"startTime":867.88,"endTime":870.64,"body":"this would be a very short podcast episode."},{"startTime":870.64,"endTime":871.48,"body":"- Right."},{"startTime":871.48,"endTime":873.32,"body":"We're all screwed."},{"startTime":873.32,"endTime":875.16,"body":"We're done."},{"startTime":875.16,"endTime":876.44,"body":"- Yep, there is no hope."},{"startTime":876.44,"endTime":877.28,"body":"It doesn't matter."},{"startTime":877.28,"endTime":880.36,"body":"But we fight against solipsism."},{"startTime":880.36,"endTime":881.76,"body":"(laughing)"},{"startTime":881.76,"endTime":883.48,"body":"We are anti-solipsism,"},{"startTime":883.48,"endTime":888.0,"body":"where we actually do believe you can get closer and closer"},{"startTime":888.0,"endTime":889.88,"body":"to that shared meaning,"},{"startTime":889.88,"endTime":890.72,"body":"but it takes work."},{"startTime":890.72,"endTime":892.56,"body":"It takes effort."},{"startTime":892.56,"endTime":895.48,"body":"So one of the best things we can do"},{"startTime":895.48,"endTime":897.28,"body":"as we talk about some of those tools,"},{"startTime":897.28,"endTime":900.56,"body":"I think the first one to tee up would be the pause."},{"startTime":900.56,"endTime":903.24,"body":"The pause."},{"startTime":903.24,"endTime":907.24,"body":"Not talking about polar bears."},{"startTime":907.24,"endTime":909.6,"body":"Yes, I had to go there."},{"startTime":909.6,"endTime":912.08,"body":"Inside joke, brother of ours,"},{"startTime":912.08,"endTime":916.08,"body":"loves to say this favorite joke about pause"},{"startTime":916.08,"endTime":918.28,"body":"in which this polar bear walks into a bar."},{"startTime":918.28,"endTime":923.6,"body":"And he says, \"I would like to order a tall glass"},{"startTime":923.6,"endTime":928.36,"body":"of milk.\""},{"startTime":928.36,"endTime":932.32,"body":"And the bartender looks at him and is like,"},{"startTime":932.32,"endTime":933.16,"body":"\"What?"},{"startTime":933.16,"endTime":934.0,"body":"What was it?"},{"startTime":934.0,"endTime":935.8,"body":"What's with the big pause?\""},{"startTime":935.8,"endTime":938.4,"body":"And he holds up his paws and says,"},{"startTime":938.4,"endTime":939.68,"body":"\"I'm a polar bear."},{"startTime":939.68,"endTime":940.68,"body":"I have big paws.\""},{"startTime":940.68,"endTime":944.72,"body":"So yes, I had to go there in honor of our brother."},{"startTime":944.72,"endTime":946.08,"body":"- Maybe in post-production,"},{"startTime":946.08,"endTime":948.0,"body":"we can put some sort of snare drum."},{"startTime":948.0,"endTime":949.48,"body":"Thank you."},{"startTime":949.48,"endTime":950.68,"body":"Thank you for talking."},{"startTime":950.68,"endTime":952.08,"body":"- Back to the pause."},{"startTime":952.08,"endTime":953.28,"body":"- The pause now."},{"startTime":953.28,"endTime":954.12,"body":"- Now they can't."},{"startTime":954.12,"endTime":956.08,"body":"They think polar bear paws."},{"startTime":956.08,"endTime":958.68,"body":"But the pause is absolutely critical"},{"startTime":958.68,"endTime":960.92,"body":"as we're trying to understand each other's meaning."},{"startTime":960.92,"endTime":965.36,"body":"That pause of one needs to shut up,"},{"startTime":965.36,"endTime":969.52,"body":"stop talking, listen, think,"},{"startTime":969.52,"endTime":974.52,"body":"and strive to understand what is actually being said"},{"startTime":974.52,"endTime":977.92,"body":"and not what they think is being said."},{"startTime":977.92,"endTime":981.2,"body":"- Okay."},{"startTime":981.2,"endTime":982.6,"body":"So here's something kind of cool."},{"startTime":982.6,"endTime":986.04,"body":"So I was with a client earlier in the week for two days."},{"startTime":986.04,"endTime":989.6,"body":"There are 30 top leaders."},{"startTime":989.6,"endTime":991.68,"body":"And one of the things that we talked about"},{"startTime":991.68,"endTime":994.08,"body":"was communicating effectively."},{"startTime":994.08,"endTime":996.2,"body":"I mentioned the power of the pause"},{"startTime":996.2,"endTime":997.56,"body":"to be able to implement that,"},{"startTime":997.56,"endTime":999.6,"body":"to make sure others feel heard,"},{"startTime":999.6,"endTime":1001.88,"body":"that you are able to follow through."},{"startTime":1001.88,"endTime":1006.16,"body":"And ironically, they had just hired somebody"},{"startTime":1006.16,"endTime":1009.24,"body":"who I had coached 15 years ago."},{"startTime":1009.24,"endTime":1015.16,"body":"And after the couple of days I was talking to him,"},{"startTime":1015.16,"endTime":1017.72,"body":"he's like, \"Oh, this is all such good stuff."},{"startTime":1017.72,"endTime":1019.72,"body":"And I remember some of the things"},{"startTime":1019.72,"endTime":1022.32,"body":"you taught me 15 years ago,"},{"startTime":1022.32,"endTime":1024.8,"body":"especially around the pause.\""},{"startTime":1024.8,"endTime":1027.56,"body":"And implementing the pause is one of the things"},{"startTime":1027.56,"endTime":1030.92,"body":"that has helped me in my career so much,"},{"startTime":1030.92,"endTime":1034.4,"body":"because it helped me stop talking"},{"startTime":1034.4,"endTime":1035.88,"body":"and being able to pay attention"},{"startTime":1035.88,"endTime":1039.64,"body":"to where other people are at, what's going on,"},{"startTime":1039.64,"endTime":1043.4,"body":"and not just talking, but stopping my own mind"},{"startTime":1043.4,"endTime":1046.52,"body":"so I can be present, I can be focused,"},{"startTime":1046.52,"endTime":1050.48,"body":"and I can then assure and understand, repeat back,"},{"startTime":1050.48,"endTime":1053.84,"body":"all of these things, managing our own emotions,"},{"startTime":1053.84,"endTime":1055.68,"body":"which we'll get to in a second."},{"startTime":1055.68,"endTime":1059.96,"body":"But implementing the pause is so key,"},{"startTime":1059.96,"endTime":1063.48,"body":"especially when we are just going 100 miles an hour,"},{"startTime":1063.48,"endTime":1066.32,"body":"back-to-back meetings, and every meeting I'm in,"},{"startTime":1066.32,"endTime":1070.08,"body":"I'm gathering up more emails and team and Slack messages"},{"startTime":1070.08,"endTime":1072.6,"body":"that I then need to pay attention to."},{"startTime":1072.6,"endTime":1076.56,"body":"Implementing the pause is one of the most effective ways"},{"startTime":1076.56,"endTime":1080.4,"body":"of being able to then help facilitate the building"},{"startTime":1080.4,"endTime":1083.56,"body":"of common meaning as you communicate with others."},{"startTime":1083.56,"endTime":1090.16,"body":"Are you pausing, Peter?"},{"startTime":1090.16,"endTime":1091.32,"body":"- I was."},{"startTime":1091.32,"endTime":1093.32,"body":"- You know, that doesn't work so well"},{"startTime":1093.32,"endTime":1096.12,"body":"when people are just listening to us, okay?"},{"startTime":1096.12,"endTime":1101.12,"body":"That is not as good on podcasts, but yes, keep going."},{"startTime":1101.12,"endTime":1104.0,"body":"- But I did that intentionally,"},{"startTime":1104.0,"endTime":1108.56,"body":"because that was just a matter of a couple seconds."},{"startTime":1108.56,"endTime":1114.56,"body":"And how comfortable are you with silence with a pause?"},{"startTime":1114.56,"endTime":1121.88,"body":"And it's a good thing for each of us to be aware of,"},{"startTime":1121.88,"endTime":1126.88,"body":"is when is that level where we become uncomfortable with it?"},{"startTime":1126.88,"endTime":1129.16,"body":"Because in order to pause,"},{"startTime":1131.48,"endTime":1134.48,"body":"it's letting that thought happen."},{"startTime":1134.48,"endTime":1135.32,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":1135.32,"endTime":1137.36,"body":"- It's letting that break."},{"startTime":1137.36,"endTime":1139.36,"body":"And during the pause, what is happening?"},{"startTime":1139.36,"endTime":1144.84,"body":"It's a reflection to recognize, wait a minute here,"},{"startTime":1144.84,"endTime":1150.48,"body":"the way I'm seeing things may not be the only way"},{"startTime":1150.48,"endTime":1151.44,"body":"to see things."},{"startTime":1151.44,"endTime":1157.44,"body":"And then you begin this process of hopefully stemming"},{"startTime":1157.44,"endTime":1159.6,"body":"from a perspective of curiosity,"},{"startTime":1160.88,"endTime":1165.88,"body":"in which you begin to seek to learn, to get exposed to,"},{"startTime":1165.88,"endTime":1169.08,"body":"to understand what is their meaning."},{"startTime":1169.08,"endTime":1171.84,"body":"Or as a CEO, I was working with quite a bit"},{"startTime":1171.84,"endTime":1175.04,"body":"in terms of their coaching, would use this phrase,"},{"startTime":1175.04,"endTime":1180.04,"body":"how do I understand their data lake, their data pool,"},{"startTime":1180.04,"endTime":1181.64,"body":"that they're coming from?"},{"startTime":1181.64,"endTime":1184.04,"body":"Because they've had experiences,"},{"startTime":1184.04,"endTime":1185.88,"body":"they've been talking with people,"},{"startTime":1185.88,"endTime":1187.92,"body":"they've learned things that have all contributed"},{"startTime":1187.92,"endTime":1189.56,"body":"to their little data lake,"},{"startTime":1189.56,"endTime":1192.12,"body":"that they've now drawn their conclusion from."},{"startTime":1192.12,"endTime":1195.28,"body":"I've done the same with my own data lake."},{"startTime":1195.28,"endTime":1199.88,"body":"How can I actually tap into that data lake"},{"startTime":1199.88,"endTime":1203.08,"body":"to better understand where they're coming from?"},{"startTime":1203.08,"endTime":1206.96,"body":"- I'll add one more thing."},{"startTime":1206.96,"endTime":1211.96,"body":"The opposite of curiosity is judgment."},{"startTime":1211.96,"endTime":1216.56,"body":"And so whenever we're in this conversation,"},{"startTime":1216.56,"endTime":1218.64,"body":"we have this choice to make,"},{"startTime":1218.64,"endTime":1223.28,"body":"are we gonna be curious or are we gonna be judging?"},{"startTime":1223.28,"endTime":1225.24,"body":"And there's a time and a place for both."},{"startTime":1225.24,"endTime":1229.52,"body":"As we're striving to initially understand,"},{"startTime":1229.52,"endTime":1233.34,"body":"we want to have more curiosity than judgment."},{"startTime":1233.34,"endTime":1238.32,"body":"And that pause helps us manage our own reactions,"},{"startTime":1238.32,"endTime":1241.16,"body":"which now let's talk about the second area."},{"startTime":1241.16,"endTime":1247.24,"body":"Second key area to focus on is managing our trigger points."},{"startTime":1248.12,"endTime":1250.48,"body":"Our own reactions."},{"startTime":1250.48,"endTime":1253.52,"body":"Because these trigger points, and we all have it,"},{"startTime":1253.52,"endTime":1256.28,"body":"whether we suddenly feel disrespected,"},{"startTime":1256.28,"endTime":1259.32,"body":"we feel our identities being questioned,"},{"startTime":1259.32,"endTime":1263.04,"body":"we feel our level of competence being questioned,"},{"startTime":1263.04,"endTime":1267.48,"body":"we feel our ability to belong in a group being questioned."},{"startTime":1267.48,"endTime":1271.76,"body":"Any of these, they can get our goat, they can get us,"},{"startTime":1271.76,"endTime":1275.8,"body":"they can then begin to hijack us,"},{"startTime":1275.8,"endTime":1279.28,"body":"which can then prevent us from being able to fully listen"},{"startTime":1279.28,"endTime":1282.64,"body":"and understand not just the other person's perspective,"},{"startTime":1282.64,"endTime":1285.84,"body":"but even being able to convey our own perspective"},{"startTime":1285.84,"endTime":1287.28,"body":"in the process."},{"startTime":1287.28,"endTime":1290.76,"body":"Understanding our own trigger points is key,"},{"startTime":1290.76,"endTime":1294.12,"body":"and then building practices to help minimize"},{"startTime":1294.12,"endTime":1298.24,"body":"and manage, prevent, or if they are occurring,"},{"startTime":1298.24,"endTime":1300.68,"body":"because we're all human, they happen."},{"startTime":1300.68,"endTime":1303.04,"body":"Especially in stress and conflict,"},{"startTime":1303.04,"endTime":1306.92,"body":"we can be triggered and that is not gonna help us show up"},{"startTime":1306.92,"endTime":1308.16,"body":"as our best self."},{"startTime":1308.16,"endTime":1310.64,"body":"How can you recognize, how can we use the pause"},{"startTime":1310.64,"endTime":1314.32,"body":"in those kind of situations so that we can show up"},{"startTime":1314.32,"endTime":1316.52,"body":"as our best self more often?"},{"startTime":1316.52,"endTime":1321.0,"body":"- Yeah, when you start to think about triggers,"},{"startTime":1321.0,"endTime":1324.64,"body":"there are so many rabbit holes and tangents"},{"startTime":1324.64,"endTime":1326.56,"body":"we could dive into in relation to that."},{"startTime":1326.56,"endTime":1330.64,"body":"But the fundamental part of it is the more we are aware"},{"startTime":1330.64,"endTime":1334.96,"body":"of what our triggers are, it decreases the likelihood"},{"startTime":1334.96,"endTime":1338.68,"body":"that we become victimized by our own trigger."},{"startTime":1338.68,"endTime":1343.68,"body":"And when you are able to work through that"},{"startTime":1343.68,"endTime":1347.56,"body":"and to recognize it and to see it, then okay,"},{"startTime":1347.56,"endTime":1352.24,"body":"we have not hindered our own progress"},{"startTime":1352.24,"endTime":1354.24,"body":"toward understanding the shared meaning."},{"startTime":1354.24,"endTime":1358.64,"body":"So common trigger points for people."},{"startTime":1358.64,"endTime":1362.48,"body":"A few I've observed in the professional space,"},{"startTime":1362.48,"endTime":1367.36,"body":"one, when somebody is questioning or it feels"},{"startTime":1367.36,"endTime":1371.44,"body":"like our authority is being called into question."},{"startTime":1371.44,"endTime":1373.84,"body":"That can be a common one."},{"startTime":1373.84,"endTime":1380.68,"body":"Another one is when it feels like this is an area"},{"startTime":1380.68,"endTime":1383.76,"body":"of expertise or we have had a lot of experience"},{"startTime":1383.76,"endTime":1386.88,"body":"doing something and we think, oh, this is exactly"},{"startTime":1386.88,"endTime":1388.16,"body":"how it's supposed to be done."},{"startTime":1388.16,"endTime":1390.6,"body":"And people don't wanna listen to whether they're saying"},{"startTime":1390.6,"endTime":1393.2,"body":"something counter to what it is."},{"startTime":1393.2,"endTime":1395.76,"body":"They're kind of related to one's called into question"},{"startTime":1395.76,"endTime":1397.72,"body":"our authority, the other one's where we just,"},{"startTime":1397.72,"endTime":1399.4,"body":"we have a lot of confidence in,"},{"startTime":1399.4,"endTime":1401.04,"body":"well, it should be done this way."},{"startTime":1401.04,"endTime":1404.76,"body":"- I'll build on that."},{"startTime":1404.76,"endTime":1408.04,"body":"I find a lot of folks who are very analytical"},{"startTime":1408.04,"endTime":1412.68,"body":"and have a scientific or analytical mindset."},{"startTime":1412.68,"endTime":1416.68,"body":"Sometimes what can be a trigger point for them"},{"startTime":1416.68,"endTime":1421.24,"body":"is just as you mentioned, it's when their competence,"},{"startTime":1421.24,"endTime":1424.48,"body":"their expertise is questioned."},{"startTime":1424.48,"endTime":1427.56,"body":"Whether actually being questioned or not."},{"startTime":1427.56,"endTime":1432.44,"body":"But if there is a perceived ill against their expertise,"},{"startTime":1432.44,"endTime":1436.96,"body":"that can shut people down or make them dig their heels"},{"startTime":1436.96,"endTime":1439.4,"body":"in even more saying, no, I am right."},{"startTime":1439.4,"endTime":1441.36,"body":"I am right."},{"startTime":1441.36,"endTime":1445.48,"body":"And for many situations, I want somebody who's highly"},{"startTime":1445.48,"endTime":1449.52,"body":"analytical and expert in their craft to be right."},{"startTime":1449.52,"endTime":1453.12,"body":"However, in working with other humans,"},{"startTime":1453.12,"endTime":1456.36,"body":"that approach is not always the best."},{"startTime":1456.36,"endTime":1460.08,"body":"Especially as you're leading and managing others,"},{"startTime":1460.08,"endTime":1462.32,"body":"because there's a whole bunch of gray"},{"startTime":1462.32,"endTime":1464.28,"body":"that people need to get used to."},{"startTime":1464.28,"endTime":1466.64,"body":"And then also if folks are,"},{"startTime":1466.64,"endTime":1469.36,"body":"if some folks are more relationship oriented,"},{"startTime":1469.36,"endTime":1473.64,"body":"I find folks who are often relationship oriented,"},{"startTime":1473.64,"endTime":1476.08,"body":"what can often be a trigger for them"},{"startTime":1476.08,"endTime":1478.84,"body":"is when they will take things personal."},{"startTime":1478.84,"endTime":1482.32,"body":"And if something is not going right,"},{"startTime":1482.32,"endTime":1485.08,"body":"or it's that people aren't quite as pleased,"},{"startTime":1485.08,"endTime":1488.28,"body":"they might instead of diving into a solution,"},{"startTime":1488.28,"endTime":1493.0,"body":"they then say, oh, clearly it's against me personally,"},{"startTime":1493.0,"endTime":1495.84,"body":"as a person, as a human."},{"startTime":1495.84,"endTime":1500.04,"body":"And then they start connecting it to their integrity."},{"startTime":1500.04,"endTime":1504.08,"body":"And they start saying, oh, you don't trust me then."},{"startTime":1504.08,"endTime":1507.36,"body":"When in fact it has nothing to do with you as a person,"},{"startTime":1507.36,"endTime":1510.16,"body":"it is the action, it is the task."},{"startTime":1510.16,"endTime":1515.16,"body":"However, it's hard to separate those two for certain folks."},{"startTime":1515.16,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"And we all can fall in either of these categories at times."},{"startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1523.12,"body":"The point is to recognize what are the trigger points"},{"startTime":1523.12,"endTime":1527.12,"body":"for you to pay attention to that,"},{"startTime":1527.12,"endTime":1532.12,"body":"and to actively build ways to help put in that pause,"},{"startTime":1532.12,"endTime":1536.8,"body":"and to slow things down so that you can regain a sense of,"},{"startTime":1536.8,"endTime":1538.68,"body":"what can I do next?"},{"startTime":1538.68,"endTime":1542.4,"body":"And let me get out of myself for a moment."},{"startTime":1542.4,"endTime":1548.12,"body":"- Getting out of ourselves can be a hard thing to do."},{"startTime":1548.12,"endTime":1550.64,"body":"Really can, and recognizing for the traumas,"},{"startTime":1550.64,"endTime":1554.04,"body":"you shared several key categories of traumas"},{"startTime":1554.04,"endTime":1557.68,"body":"that I think can impact, or triggers that can impact a lot."},{"startTime":1557.68,"endTime":1559.68,"body":"And I started to say trauma there,"},{"startTime":1559.68,"endTime":1564.28,"body":"because that also can be a very much a source of trigger."},{"startTime":1564.28,"endTime":1566.72,"body":"It's recognizing what are the emotional"},{"startTime":1566.72,"endTime":1570.4,"body":"or professional traumas that you might have experienced,"},{"startTime":1570.4,"endTime":1575.4,"body":"and are there situational triggers that cue those back,"},{"startTime":1575.4,"endTime":1577.68,"body":"and bring those back, and being aware of those."},{"startTime":1577.68,"endTime":1581.12,"body":"Maybe it's the way a boss had interacted in the past."},{"startTime":1581.12,"endTime":1585.36,"body":"Maybe it was a situation with a colleague."},{"startTime":1585.36,"endTime":1588.12,"body":"Maybe it was how people had reacted to you"},{"startTime":1588.12,"endTime":1590.76,"body":"in a certain work situation."},{"startTime":1590.76,"endTime":1593.88,"body":"But being aware of what those triggers might be."},{"startTime":1593.88,"endTime":1596.24,"body":"- Yeah. - And those can get deep."},{"startTime":1596.24,"endTime":1597.6,"body":"They can get quite personal."},{"startTime":1597.6,"endTime":1599.88,"body":"And you dive into that to the level"},{"startTime":1599.88,"endTime":1601.6,"body":"that you feel comfortable and you're able to do"},{"startTime":1601.6,"endTime":1606.6,"body":"at this point, but even just taking that minute to pause,"},{"startTime":1606.6,"endTime":1609.44,"body":"and reflect to say, okay, what are a few of those triggers,"},{"startTime":1609.44,"endTime":1610.8,"body":"increases our awareness."},{"startTime":1610.8,"endTime":1612.08,"body":"So that we can manage,"},{"startTime":1612.08,"endTime":1615.2,"body":"and we are not then controlled by the trigger."},{"startTime":1615.2,"endTime":1618.44,"body":"We begin to take steps toward overcoming those,"},{"startTime":1618.44,"endTime":1621.72,"body":"so we can strive toward that shared meaning."},{"startTime":1621.72,"endTime":1622.56,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":1622.56,"endTime":1625.68,"body":"And that gets at the next point."},{"startTime":1625.68,"endTime":1630.12,"body":"It's really around this active listening component."},{"startTime":1630.12,"endTime":1632.4,"body":"Peter, as I say active listening,"},{"startTime":1632.4,"endTime":1636.12,"body":"that can mean so many things to so many different people."},{"startTime":1636.12,"endTime":1640.16,"body":"What stands out in your mind when I say active listening?"},{"startTime":1640.16,"endTime":1641.8,"body":"- Yeah, you're right."},{"startTime":1641.8,"endTime":1644.44,"body":"It can be used so often."},{"startTime":1644.44,"endTime":1647.16,"body":"Active listening fundamentally"},{"startTime":1647.16,"endTime":1650.56,"body":"is when you are intentionally striving"},{"startTime":1650.56,"endTime":1653.08,"body":"to understand what they are saying"},{"startTime":1653.08,"endTime":1656.64,"body":"and listening with both your eyes and your ears."},{"startTime":1656.64,"endTime":1660.16,"body":"So you're watching their body language."},{"startTime":1660.16,"endTime":1663.4,"body":"You're paying attention to the historical context,"},{"startTime":1663.4,"endTime":1666.24,"body":"the history of the relationship that's going on,"},{"startTime":1666.24,"endTime":1668.64,"body":"as well as the words that they are saying."},{"startTime":1668.64,"endTime":1672.52,"body":"So it's trying to just factor all of those things in."},{"startTime":1672.52,"endTime":1674.68,"body":"And it takes more brain power."},{"startTime":1674.68,"endTime":1676.44,"body":"It takes more focus."},{"startTime":1676.44,"endTime":1678.04,"body":"It's hard to multitask"},{"startTime":1678.04,"endTime":1681.32,"body":"and be active listening at the same time."},{"startTime":1681.32,"endTime":1683.68,"body":"It's just not gonna happen."},{"startTime":1683.68,"endTime":1685.4,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":1685.4,"endTime":1689.64,"body":"And I find certain behaviors of active listening"},{"startTime":1689.64,"endTime":1693.16,"body":"actually help manage the triggers,"},{"startTime":1693.16,"endTime":1695.72,"body":"or it can be a good go-to behavior"},{"startTime":1695.72,"endTime":1698.16,"body":"when you are being triggered."},{"startTime":1702.28,"endTime":1707.0,"body":"And one of those great behaviors is paraphrasing itself."},{"startTime":1707.0,"endTime":1709.96,"body":"Paraphrasing both the content of the other person"},{"startTime":1709.96,"endTime":1713.72,"body":"and the emotion of the other person."},{"startTime":1713.72,"endTime":1716.68,"body":"And if you're able to successfully paraphrase,"},{"startTime":1716.68,"endTime":1719.16,"body":"then you are successfully engaged"},{"startTime":1719.16,"endTime":1721.56,"body":"in the conversation with the other person."},{"startTime":1721.56,"endTime":1722.72,"body":"If you have reached a point"},{"startTime":1722.72,"endTime":1725.4,"body":"where you cannot successfully paraphrase,"},{"startTime":1725.4,"endTime":1728.52,"body":"and you are not listening enough to that person,"},{"startTime":1728.52,"endTime":1730.04,"body":"you are no longer really having a two-way dialogue."},{"startTime":1730.04,"endTime":1734.52,"body":"It is more, you just listen to me and do as I say."},{"startTime":1734.52,"endTime":1737.6,"body":"And one, certain time and a place for that too."},{"startTime":1737.6,"endTime":1740.28,"body":"We're talking about, though, moments when you need"},{"startTime":1740.28,"endTime":1743.0,"body":"to create a shared understanding"},{"startTime":1743.0,"endTime":1745.08,"body":"where both are able to be engaged"},{"startTime":1745.08,"endTime":1746.84,"body":"and understand to move forward."},{"startTime":1746.84,"endTime":1750.92,"body":"So this paraphrase, if I understand you correctly,"},{"startTime":1750.92,"endTime":1754.2,"body":"it seems that you have mentioned this"},{"startTime":1754.2,"endTime":1756.04,"body":"three different times."},{"startTime":1756.04,"endTime":1759.88,"body":"It looks like you are frustrated when we talk about this."},{"startTime":1759.88,"endTime":1761.24,"body":"Tell me more."},{"startTime":1761.24,"endTime":1765.96,"body":"Any of these are ways to be able to then buy you time"},{"startTime":1765.96,"endTime":1770.04,"body":"to then check in and help the other person feel heard,"},{"startTime":1770.04,"endTime":1773.64,"body":"especially with a sincere desire to understand."},{"startTime":1773.64,"endTime":1777.52,"body":"This active listening, and it requires you to be present."},{"startTime":1777.52,"endTime":1780.0,"body":"Just as you're mentioning, Peter, it requires you"},{"startTime":1780.0,"endTime":1782.24,"body":"to then put aside the other aspects"},{"startTime":1782.24,"endTime":1786.08,"body":"of what you're thinking and doing and fully engage."},{"startTime":1786.08,"endTime":1790.16,"body":"And there's really few other things that can help validate"},{"startTime":1790.16,"endTime":1792.88,"body":"and help the other person feel as respected"},{"startTime":1792.88,"endTime":1796.6,"body":"than when somebody is totally focused on you,"},{"startTime":1796.6,"endTime":1800.2,"body":"what you're thinking and feeling and trying to say."},{"startTime":1800.2,"endTime":1805.2,"body":"Incredibly respectful and thus facilitating"},{"startTime":1805.2,"endTime":1807.92,"body":"a better way of creating a shared meaning."},{"startTime":1809.52,"endTime":1812.96,"body":"My guess is as you reflect back"},{"startTime":1812.96,"endTime":1816.92,"body":"on some of your favorite teammates at work,"},{"startTime":1816.92,"endTime":1819.28,"body":"favorite boss you may have had,"},{"startTime":1819.28,"endTime":1821.04,"body":"those people that you really connected with,"},{"startTime":1821.04,"endTime":1824.2,"body":"you felt that they genuinely cared about you."},{"startTime":1824.2,"endTime":1832.04,"body":"Odds are they displayed these behaviors of active listening."},{"startTime":1832.04,"endTime":1835.72,"body":"Just that was a part of who they were."},{"startTime":1835.72,"endTime":1839.84,"body":"That was why those relationships became so strong,"},{"startTime":1839.84,"endTime":1844.32,"body":"because you had their undivided attention."},{"startTime":1844.32,"endTime":1847.2,"body":"And you could tell through the paraphrasing"},{"startTime":1847.2,"endTime":1850.88,"body":"as you're highlighting, through the nodding,"},{"startTime":1850.88,"endTime":1855.72,"body":"the eye contact, through the asking additional questions"},{"startTime":1855.72,"endTime":1857.84,"body":"to help understand all of those."},{"startTime":1857.84,"endTime":1860.6,"body":"It just really dives deeper into it."},{"startTime":1860.6,"endTime":1864.16,"body":"So it's interesting that as we're having"},{"startTime":1864.16,"endTime":1867.12,"body":"a conversation, Daniel, we've talked about,"},{"startTime":1867.12,"endTime":1870.84,"body":"overall, there's some communication basics."},{"startTime":1870.84,"endTime":1874.72,"body":"But I think what's been helpful as teaming this up"},{"startTime":1874.72,"endTime":1877.08,"body":"is it's creating that shared meaning."},{"startTime":1877.08,"endTime":1879.84,"body":"It's not just how do you communicate,"},{"startTime":1879.84,"endTime":1882.24,"body":"which I think is a term that is used a lot."},{"startTime":1882.24,"endTime":1884.88,"body":"And what does that really mean?"},{"startTime":1884.88,"endTime":1887.28,"body":"We're diving a little deeper into"},{"startTime":1887.28,"endTime":1889.44,"body":"how do you truly get to that shared meaning."},{"startTime":1890.88,"endTime":1895.56,"body":"And it's building on and addressing the habits"},{"startTime":1895.56,"endTime":1897.44,"body":"that each person has."},{"startTime":1897.44,"endTime":1901.52,"body":"So listeners, the challenge I have for you"},{"startTime":1901.52,"endTime":1905.68,"body":"is to begin reflecting on what are your communication habits"},{"startTime":1905.68,"endTime":1907.96,"body":"that you're actively using."},{"startTime":1907.96,"endTime":1910.48,"body":"Are they helping create shared meaning?"},{"startTime":1910.48,"endTime":1915.48,"body":"And how do you then know that it's helping"},{"startTime":1915.48,"endTime":1917.28,"body":"to create shared meaning?"},{"startTime":1917.28,"endTime":1919.44,"body":"And the invitation and challenge"},{"startTime":1919.44,"endTime":1923.52,"body":"is to take one of these or maybe more"},{"startTime":1923.52,"endTime":1928.52,"body":"and adjust and reshape some of your communication practices,"},{"startTime":1928.52,"endTime":1930.52,"body":"your communication habits."},{"startTime":1930.52,"endTime":1932.72,"body":"Put in the pause a little bit more often."},{"startTime":1932.72,"endTime":1937.32,"body":"Identify a trigger point and slow it down."},{"startTime":1937.32,"endTime":1943.24,"body":"Or to actively listen, especially to people"},{"startTime":1943.24,"endTime":1947.52,"body":"who you begin to just tune out,"},{"startTime":1947.52,"endTime":1951.16,"body":"especially if they are people that you need to be successful"},{"startTime":1951.16,"endTime":1955.04,"body":"in your work, in your home, in community,"},{"startTime":1955.04,"endTime":1956.6,"body":"whoever that might be,"},{"startTime":1956.6,"endTime":1960.6,"body":"how do you challenge yourself to listen a little bit longer,"},{"startTime":1960.6,"endTime":1964.96,"body":"to phrase, understand, to pause, to manage your emotions."},{"startTime":1964.96,"endTime":1966.52,"body":"And so within all of this,"},{"startTime":1966.52,"endTime":1970.2,"body":"pick one that you can then adopt"},{"startTime":1970.2,"endTime":1973.2,"body":"and consider reshaping and challenging"},{"startTime":1973.2,"endTime":1975.96,"body":"the way you are actively communicating"},{"startTime":1975.96,"endTime":1978.52,"body":"to help foster more of a shared meaning."},{"startTime":1978.52,"endTime":1984.0,"body":"- And it makes a difference not just in the workplace,"},{"startTime":1984.0,"endTime":1987.48,"body":"but I would say in all the relationships you have."},{"startTime":1987.48,"endTime":1988.32,"body":"- Yeah."},{"startTime":1988.32,"endTime":1990.92,"body":"- 'Cause fundamentally we're humans trying to understand"},{"startTime":1990.92,"endTime":1992.92,"body":"that shared meaning with each other."},{"startTime":1992.92,"endTime":1995.4,"body":"Whether it's in the classroom,"},{"startTime":1995.4,"endTime":1997.28,"body":"whether it's in a church room,"},{"startTime":1997.28,"endTime":2000.08,"body":"whether it's in a work room, it doesn't matter."},{"startTime":2000.08,"endTime":2002.16,"body":"They help."},{"startTime":2002.16,"endTime":2004.8,"body":"So picking one, great advice."},{"startTime":2004.8,"endTime":2009.36,"body":"So Daniel, as we wrap this up with some lightning round."},{"startTime":2009.36,"endTime":2011.96,"body":"(upbeat music)"},{"startTime":2011.96,"endTime":2016.88,"body":"Let's focus on triggers for this one."},{"startTime":2016.88,"endTime":2017.72,"body":"- Sure."},{"startTime":2017.72,"endTime":2021.52,"body":"- What is one bit of advice you would give to somebody"},{"startTime":2021.52,"endTime":2023.96,"body":"who's having a hard time identifying"},{"startTime":2023.96,"endTime":2025.4,"body":"what their triggers might be?"},{"startTime":2025.4,"endTime":2030.32,"body":"- If you want to identify your trigger points,"},{"startTime":2030.32,"endTime":2034.08,"body":"think back across the last three to five days"},{"startTime":2034.08,"endTime":2037.24,"body":"and identify moments when you were frustrated."},{"startTime":2037.24,"endTime":2041.08,"body":"Moments when you might've even gotten really mad."},{"startTime":2041.08,"endTime":2045.04,"body":"And think back what happened"},{"startTime":2045.04,"endTime":2046.84,"body":"in those moments of frustration"},{"startTime":2046.84,"endTime":2050.68,"body":"that led to the frustration and even the anger."},{"startTime":2050.68,"endTime":2054.08,"body":"What happened and how did you interpret it?"},{"startTime":2054.08,"endTime":2059.92,"body":"There you will find trigger points."},{"startTime":2059.92,"endTime":2062.0,"body":"And you do that a couple of times"},{"startTime":2062.0,"endTime":2064.88,"body":"and I would bet you're gonna start to see themes of,"},{"startTime":2064.88,"endTime":2067.6,"body":"oh yeah, that is what gets me."},{"startTime":2067.6,"endTime":2072.16,"body":"And it's then helpful to identify for you"},{"startTime":2072.16,"endTime":2074.4,"body":"and you can keep that in mind moving forward."},{"startTime":2074.4,"endTime":2077.92,"body":"So look for those moments when you feel frustrated,"},{"startTime":2077.92,"endTime":2080.68,"body":"when you feel stressed, when you feel mad."},{"startTime":2080.68,"endTime":2083.28,"body":"And those are the times"},{"startTime":2083.28,"endTime":2085.88,"body":"that your triggers often have just occurred."},{"startTime":2085.88,"endTime":2089.84,"body":"Okay. - Good suggestion."},{"startTime":2089.84,"endTime":2091.72,"body":"- Lightning round for you, Peter."},{"startTime":2091.72,"endTime":2092.56,"body":"- Okay."},{"startTime":2092.56,"endTime":2093.88,"body":"- All of these efforts to be able"},{"startTime":2093.88,"endTime":2096.52,"body":"to then create shared meaning,"},{"startTime":2096.52,"endTime":2101.52,"body":"what's the one big takeaway that you would leave for people?"},{"startTime":2101.52,"endTime":2106.08,"body":"If they want to create a truly shared meaning,"},{"startTime":2106.08,"endTime":2109.44,"body":"what is the one thing that you would suggest"},{"startTime":2109.44,"endTime":2111.24,"body":"they emphasize and do?"},{"startTime":2111.24,"endTime":2114.04,"body":"- The most important thing to do"},{"startTime":2114.04,"endTime":2117.44,"body":"if you're truly trying to obtain that shared meaning"},{"startTime":2117.44,"endTime":2121.16,"body":"is to lead with curiosity."},{"startTime":2121.16,"endTime":2123.2,"body":"We've talked about it earlier."},{"startTime":2123.2,"endTime":2125.48,"body":"It is so important to be open"},{"startTime":2125.48,"endTime":2128.4,"body":"to understanding the perspective that they bring."},{"startTime":2128.4,"endTime":2132.32,"body":"The opposite of curiosity is judgment."},{"startTime":2132.32,"endTime":2136.68,"body":"In the search for the shared meaning, judgment,"},{"startTime":2136.68,"endTime":2137.96,"body":"it gets in the way."},{"startTime":2137.96,"endTime":2140.92,"body":"It is a hindrance toward that understanding."},{"startTime":2140.92,"endTime":2143.68,"body":"And continue to ask questions,"},{"startTime":2143.68,"endTime":2147.32,"body":"not out of trying to put them on the defensive."},{"startTime":2147.32,"endTime":2150.56,"body":"But it's a help me understand or"},{"startTime":2150.56,"endTime":2152.96,"body":"I want to see"},{"startTime":2152.96,"endTime":2154.6,"body":"the way you're seeing this."},{"startTime":2154.6,"endTime":2156.48,"body":"Bring me into your world."},{"startTime":2156.48,"endTime":2158.16,"body":"Help me see your thought process."},{"startTime":2159.8,"endTime":2161.16,"body":"All of those things they not only"},{"startTime":2162.64,"endTime":2164.28,"body":"demonstrate a genuine curiosity,"},{"startTime":2166.04,"endTime":2167.36,"body":"But so much you then have the opportunity to learn."},{"startTime":2170.52,"endTime":2172.36,"body":"So there's a humility that also must."},{"startTime":2172.36,"endTime":2174.04,"body":"accompany that curiosity."},{"startTime":2174.04,"endTime":2175.36,"body":"Thanks, Peter."},{"startTime":2176.68,"endTime":2180.08,"body":"- That's well said. Well, it's always fun."},{"startTime":2180.08,"endTime":2181.36,"body":"Thanks for another great session."},{"startTime":2181.36,"endTime":2182.8,"body":"And to all of our listeners,"},{"startTime":2182.8,"endTime":2187.12,"body":"thanks for joining us on this Leadership Growth Podcast."},{"startTime":2187.12,"endTime":2191.08,"body":"Hope these ideas and tools will help elevate your ability"},{"startTime":2191.08,"endTime":2194.68,"body":"to showcase your best self as a leader every day."},{"startTime":2194.68,"endTime":2196.76,"body":"Be sure to subscribe in the future"},{"startTime":2196.76,"endTime":2200.36,"body":"and take a look at past and future episodes."},{"startTime":2200.36,"endTime":2202.36,"body":"All the best, take care everyone."},{"startTime":2202.36,"endTime":2203.68,"body":"If you liked this episode,"},{"startTime":2203.68,"endTime":2205.64,"body":"please share it with a friend or colleague,"},{"startTime":2205.64,"endTime":2207.8,"body":"or better yet, leave a review"},{"startTime":2207.8,"endTime":2210.36,"body":"to help other listeners find our show."},{"startTime":2210.36,"endTime":2214.36,"body":"And remember to subscribe so you never miss an episode."},{"startTime":2214.36,"endTime":2216.28,"body":"For more great content or to learn about"},{"startTime":2216.28,"endTime":2217.72,"body":"how Stewart Leadership can help you"},{"startTime":2217.72,"endTime":2220.12,"body":"grow your ability to lead effectively,"},{"startTime":2220.12,"endTime":2222.36,"body":"please visit strewleadership.com."}]}