Why You Need Close Friends

In this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show, host Don Ross discusses the vital need for men to have close friendships, or 'tribes,' in their lives. Despite studies showing most men lack deep friendships, many don't feel the need for them. 

Don explores why having a tribe is essential, offering three key reasons: support during life's hardships, help in owning personal shortcomings, and having fun. He stresses the importance of emotional support, accountability, and joy that a tribe provides. 

Don also introduces a free 'How Manly Are You?' quiz and invites listeners to help develop a course on building tribes. Tune in to start creating meaningful connections in your life.

00:00 The Importance of Male Friendships
01:22 Introducing the Manhood Tribe Show
01:44 Why Men Need a Tribe
05:06 Three Big Reasons You Need a Tribe
05:38 Reason 1: Support During Hard Times
10:10 Reason 2: Accountability and Growth
14:43 Reason 3: Having Fun Together
18:24 Building Your Own Tribe
19:18 Join the Tribe Launch
20:21 Conclusion and Next Steps

Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly.

Transcript

Don Ross: 0:00

Study after study is telling us today that men don't have enough close friends in their lives. But if you ask most men, I think you would find that they don't really feel like they need a lot of close friends in their lives. Yeah, here we are at manhood tribes where we talk about the fact that you need a tribe in your life. But why is that? What does the tribe do for you and why do you actually need some close friends around you? Let's talk about that today here on the manhood tribe show. Guys want to know how you measure up as a man? I've got a great resource for you. It's called how manly are you? And it's a free quiz that you can take to figure out how you stack up against what it means to be a man. And when you take the quiz, you'll also get some free resources to help you figure out how you can get better as a man in the areas where you would like to grow. So go to manhoodtribes.com/manly to download your free. How manly are you quiz today? That's manhoodtribes.com/manly. All right guys, welcome to the manhood tribe show. My name is Don Ross. I'm your host. And today we are beginning a new series where we're talking about how to develop close friends as a man now. Well, why on earth? Do we feel like this is a series that is worth everybody's time? Why is this something that we need to talk about? Well, as I mentioned, study, after study is showing that men don't have close friends in their lives anymore. But if you ask, most guys, they might can think of one or maybe two other men in their lives that they feel like they can actually talk to about things of significance. And even if you drill down on that a little bit, those one or two guys might be somebody that you were close to back in college, but haven't really talked to in five or 10 years or more, but you were really close at one point in time and you just kind of assume that if you saw that person again, you can kind of pick back up where you left off and. And, you know, things would be close all over again without having to put a lot of effort into it. And while that might be true, what the honest reality there is, it's just that most guys are living their lives without really any close friendships. It's just become kind of commonplace in our world. That friendship is not something that men really do anymore. At least not on any level that counts as depth. Most men are pretty good at having like work acquaintances or maybe even some like buddies that you go occasionally get a beer with or watch a football game with or something like that. But when it comes to actual, deep and meaningful friendships with other men, That's just a category that most guys don't operate in. Yeah, here at manhood tribes, we would say that every man needs a tribe. You need a tribe. You need other men around you who not only are going to be a part of your life and the fact that you're sharing experiences together, you're doing things together on a regular basis. You see each other on a regular basis. Okay. Not only those things. But also the, the depth and the quality that you have in your relationship is really, really high. So you talk about the things that are actually going on in your lives, the good things and the bad. The stuff that's just kind of mundane and the stuff that's really, really hard. Even some of the stuff that you don't talk about with anybody else. You need a group of men around you that you're sharing those kinds of things with. But if most guys don't have that. Is it really fair to say that men actually need that? I mean, can't, we just say that that's kind of like a luxury and that it's not that big a deal with men don't have that in their lives. Well, obviously by the fact that that's, the show is called the manhood tribe show and I've started an organization that's devoted to helping Milton, helping men build tribes. I clearly think that tribes are essential, right? This is something that you need to have, but why is that? Why is it really something that we should think of as essential for mint? His friendship, really something that men should have in their lives, or is it just kind of like a dying art that in our culture these days, Uh, it's kind of like fallen by the wayside and it's really okay that it's fallen by the wayside. It's just kind of a category of relationship that we don't really need anymore. We've kind of progressed as a culture to where that's just less and less important and it's not all that valuable. I think all that is just bologna. And so we're going to talk today about why. I think you need a tribe. What are the real reasons that you need a tribe around you? Okay. I want to give you three big reasons today that you need a tribe. And we're going to cover these pretty well so that you get a good feel for not only why you need a try, but what a tribe is actually meant to look like when I use the word tribe, what kind of relationships am I talking about? What kind of interactions with other guys am I really talking about? What makes up a tribe? What. How has the tribe different than just having friends. Okay. We're going to kind of cover that as we go today, but I want to give you three big reasons why you need a tribe. All right. The first reason that you need a tribe is that you're going to need a tribe when life gets hard. When life gets hard and your world turns upside down. And whether that's because you got laid off at work, or your wife comes to you and says, she's ready to separate, or you've got a kid who is estranged from you and you haven't talked to in years. And you're really feeling the pain of, gosh, I wish I could connect with my son or daughter, or maybe you've got a kid who's younger. Who's just rebelling and pushing all the boundary. Boundaries. Of what it means to be a healthy part of your family, or maybe your finances have gotten out of control and you're up to your eyeballs in debt and you don't know what to do, but the bills are piling up and the collectors are calling and things are getting really, really tense. And you don't know where to turn for some help. Okay. Like name the situation. Okay. You can come up with a thousand of. I've given you just a handful there. But the point is when life gets hard, all of us. I need other people that we can turn to for help to help us navigate through those really difficult situations. The problem is for us as men, because we tend to operate in our culture these days as a little bit more of like a lone Wolf. We don't really feel the need for those friendships until life gets hard. Right. We don't really kind of think, oh, that's something odd. I spend my time and energy on is developing these friendships just because life might get hard. And maybe when it gets hard, I'm going to want some of those people around me. So that's really, the point is recognizing that life getting hard, especially these days. Is not an F. It's a win. It's just a matter of time before something in your life gets really, really painful and really, really difficult. You might be sitting in that difficulty in that pain right now. And in the midst of that is when you need to have a group of men around you to be able to lean on. You're going to need them for. First and foremost, just emotional support. Your emotional life is going to go haywire and whether or not you're familiar very much with your emotions and how to handle them, or you've spent much time prioritizing your mental health. You're, you're not gonna know what to do, whether you're a seasoned pro or that something that you've not spent any time on, you're going to have a hard time navigating your own emotions because the pain of your life is just going to be so high. It will be hard to figure out what you're feeling apart from just pain. So you need some guys who can be there to help you just in terms of being a comforting presence, giving you a place where you can go blow off some steam, helping you to be able to have some fun with life does not feel fun at all in the moment. You need some guys who are going to be there as emotional support for you. But you also need some guys around you who are actually going to help, who are going to be willing to jump into the muck with you and to be able to say, gosh, man, this situation is terrible. Like, okay. Yeah. Your life kind of does suck at the moment. But what can we do about it? And ah, it makes all the difference in the world. When it feels like you have a team behind you, who is for you and rallying to you to help you find a way out of the mess that you're in. To help you clear things out from how hard they have gotten into a pathway that can help you move towards healing and wholeness and success and life. That actually feels like life again. Heck maybe even some joy. Okay. So with, uh, with a group of guys around you, all of those things can become possible. But if you don't have anybody around you, you're just left to your own devices, it's kind of all up to you. And in the midst of crisis and pain. None of us needs to be alone. Because alone, we just don't have the resources to be able to help ourselves get out of the mess that we're in. Sometimes the mess that we've actually created. We need the resources of other people, whether that's time, whether that's helping in some kind of service oriented way, whether that's finances, whether that's just wisdom and insight from experiences that they've been through. We need to be able to draw on that from other guys. Okay. So when life gets hard, you're going to need a tribe. All right. That's the first big reason. Now, the second big reason is related to that. Okay. You need a tribe because they're going to help you own your shit. I'm just going to say it like that, because this is the truth of the matter. All right. Here's what I mean by that. Sure. It's one thing to say that you're going to need to try when life gets hard. But what about the times when life isn't hard? Do you still need a tribe then? Why should you think about getting a tribe if your life is actually going okay at the moment? Although if we just look around the world, there's not very many people. That life is just going okay for at the moment. Right? If we're being honest with ourselves, We're probably far more of us in that first category of life being difficult than there are of us who know life's doing pretty good for me at the moment. But if you happen to be in that place, or if life has just kind of like cruising along and maybe it's not the most joyful thing that you've ever experienced in your life, but you know, for the most part, nothing's really rocking the boat. Why do you need a tribe? Well that's because you've got stuff in your life that's going to make your life difficult sooner or later, there are things about the way that you handle yourself, you, the way that you handle your relationships around you, the way that you handle your finances, the way that you handle your temptations. The way that you handle your anger, there's all kinds of things about you. That maybe aren't causing a blow up at the moment, but with the right set of circumstances or the right trigger experience, something is going to get out of control. And you actually want a tribe around you that will help you deal with those things. So that hopefully. You don't call so many problems in the future. Hopefully you don't have as many difficult and painful situations. To need a tribe to bail you out of. Hopefully they're going to help you address those things. Now they're going to help you own your shit. They're going to help you pay attention to the things about you. That just aren't good. The things about you that make life difficult for you and for others around you. They're going to draw your attention to those things, but not only just call you out for them, they're actually going to help you with them. They're going to say, man, we don't want you to have to be that way. And we would love to help you be able to navigate those circumstances so that your life doesn't continue to look like that. And it doesn't have to be all that difficult. I know a guy who has been a part of a tribe experience, who for a long time had just had really difficult scenarios crop up in his marriage. And they would get difficult for kind of an intense period of time. And then things would sort of just slack off, you know, kind of go back to like a resting period where things were sort of normal again, and then something else would come along and it would blow up and it would get really painful. Well, you know, you understand this cycle kind of kept happening over and over and over and over again. And finally his wife got to the point. Where she just said, Nope, I'm done. I want you to move out. I've had enough of this. But with a tribe around him, those guys were able to be able to say, we need to focus on the things that you are doing that are contributing to this dynamic happening over and over and over again. And so hopefully we can help you not get back into this place. So once he managed to kind of get a handle on the situation with his wife to let things settle down with some promises of, Hey, I really want to focus on this and I want to pay attention to what might be causing these difficulties. The guys in his tribe were able to kind of enter around him and just be able to say, let's focus on these things. Let's focus on. You let's pay attention to the things that are a mess for you. And they did. There was some things that he really was kind of blind to in his own life. Some ways that he was relating to his wife and some ways that he was handling himself that needed some attention. There were some ways that he was handling their finances that were causing some real struggles in their marriage. And by just being able to give a little bit of attention to that and the context of a group of men who really cared about him, he was able to make some real changes. That brought about goodness and wholeness and restoration in his marriage so that he didn't have to keep getting back into those really difficult and really painful situations with his wife. Uh, tribe will help you own your shit so that you don't have to keep getting under a pile of shit in the future. Okay. So let the men around you do the work that they know how to do and that you really need them to do. All right. So that's the first two things. Let's talk about the third thing. The third reason that you really need a tribe. Is that you need some guys to have some fun with. And this is kind of a basic one, but you know, let's be honest. Most of us as men, we just don't have enough fun in our lives. Our lives are hard, especially as we move into adulthood. And for any of you guys who are kind of in like middle adulthood, especially where you got a mortgage and you got kids and you got. Work stresses are hard and the bills you're never making quite enough for all the bills and all the things that you want to do. Life is intense. It is really, really hard. And because of that, most of us guys don't ever prioritize our own needs for just play. And fun. And relaxation because. Honestly, who has the time for that. And when we do have the time for that, it feels like we need to give that time to our families. Right. We supposed to be doing that with our kids. When do we ever get some time just to be men to be. Guys who have fun, we didn't lose the ability or the desire to have fun just because we grew up. That's just something that we kind of tend to put on the shelf because we feel like we're supposed to. But you're not supposed to. Play needs to be a normal and a healthy part of every man's life. And it's way easier. And way better to do. If you've got a group of guys around you that you can do it with. And honestly, this is the best part about having grown up friends. Is being able to create some shared experiences with each other where you just have a good time. And sometimes that can be the things that we're all kind of used to. Like I mentioned before of just watching a football game together or grabbing a beer. But it can also be the things that you've really wanted to do. You've just never had the opportunity to do or never had somebody to do it with. Maybe you want to go sky diving. Maybe you want to take archery lessons. Maybe you want to go to a sporting event that you've never been to before. And you don't know anybody who would want to go to that in the first place. Maybe you want to take up Dungeons and dragons, and you've never told anybody like, who knows what it is, but there's all kinds of things that you as a man could and should want to do just for the sake of having fun. And you need some other guys to do it with. That's what a tribe will do with you. They're there to not only just have fun with you, but find out the ways that you want to have fun. Hey, let's go do those things because we like you and we want to have fun with you. So let's do the things that are actually fun for our tribe. Not the things that we think we're supposed to do to have fun as men. But the things that are actually fun for us, let's go explore something we haven't tried before, or let's do something at a higher or more intensity of a level than we've ever tried that. Okay. You like trail running? Well, what if we signed up for an adventure, mud race, you know, as a way of being able to kind of take that up a notch and see what that's like and do it together, just have some fun. You need opportunities for fun and with a group of guys who are all doing it together, it becomes way easier to prioritize that, to make it a part of your schedule, even to ask your wife and your family for some time to go do that because you and all the boys are doing it together. That's something that you've got to have as a part of your life. And it's one of the best and most enjoyable parts of being in a tribe. Okay. So I hope even if I haven't convinced you today, I hope I've given you some really good reasons that you can think about and just say, Hey, okay, maybe there's something to this tribe thing. Maybe I really do need some of these close guy, friends in my life in a way that will actually help me be better at being me because I've got other guys around me who are helping me to be able to do that. I think it will. I want to encourage you today. That is. As you're listening if you're thinking, okay, well, I like, I really want a tribe, but I don't have any of those kinds of friends around me. Like I don't even have guys that I would know how to ask to be a part of something like that. I'm not close to anybody at the moment. Well, that's okay. That's really a lot of what this series is going to be about is just covering, how do you build those kinds of friendships? In fact, our next episode is actually going to talk about like, you're starting from ground zero. You don't have any friends. What do you do? Where do you go? How do you start making some connections that could turn into the kind of guys that you could build a tribe with? Okay. So we're going to go there. We're going to talk about all of those things, and I really want to try to help you out to figure out how you can build a tribe around you. But I also want to say that if you're interested in that, if you're thinking, okay, I would love to do that, but I would also really like some, some extra help and being able to make that happen. Like I want to build a tribe of guys. Around me, but I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know what that looks like, but if you can give me some guidance, I'm in. Well, I would really like to be able to do that for you. And in fact, I'm working on putting together a course that can help you with building your own tribe with launching a tribe for yourself. It is not ready yet. And I actually like to get some guys involved in helping me be able to put that together. So if you're thinking, okay, I really want to do this. And I wouldn't mind giving some feedback on how that would be most helpful to me. I would love to hear from you. So I would love for you to go to manhood tribes.com/launch, and to put your name on the list as somebody who would be willing to help and give feedback about some ideas around how to build a course, that will help you launch your tribe. I'll give you all the instructions as we move along. Uh, to help, you know, what you need to do and what feedback you can give. But if you're just interested in kind of being a part of that launch and helping it figure out, um, then I would love to have you again, that's manhood tribes.com/launch. Okay guys, that's enough for today. I'm going to leave you there and I'm looking forward to continuing the series and helping you figure out how you can build a tribe of close friends around you. We'll talk to you next time. See you then.