How Tribe Helps You Be Your Best

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the countless resources on personal transformation, this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show is for you. 

Host Don Ross delves into why most transformation efforts fall short and introduces the key missing ingredient: community. Discover how building a transformational tribe of men can lead to real and lasting change. 

Learn about the 'Chisel and Challenge' method, a structured approach to fostering growth and accountability. Don't miss out on practical steps to becoming the best version of yourself through supportive, meaningful relationships. 

Plus, take our free 'How Manly Are You?' quiz at manhoodtribes.com/manly to get started on your journey to extraordinary manhood.

00:00 Introduction to Personal Transformation
01:41 The Missing Ingredient in Transformation
04:45 Building a Transformational Community
07:09 The Chisel and Challenge Method
21:19 Implementing the Tribe Rhythm
22:16 Conclusion and Call to Action

Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly.

Transcript

0:00

If you go on the internet or just on YouTube these days, and look for videos about personal transformation and how to be your best self. You're going to find countless articles, videos, advertisements, all kinds of things, trying to help you become the best version of you possible. How to transform your physique, how to transform your diet, how to transform your finances, how to transform your home, how to transform even your pet. All this stuff is just everywhere. And yet we kind of know instinctively that for the most part, it doesn't really work. Why is that? What's the ingredient that's missing to really help personal transformation take place. How do you actually become your best self. Let's talk about that today on the manhood tribe show.

Don Ross: 1:09

Guys want to know how you measure up as a man? I've got a great resource for you. It's called how manly are you? And it's a free quiz that you can take to figure out how you stack up against what it means to be a man. And when you take the quiz, you'll also get some free resources to help you figure out how you can get better as a man in the areas where you would like to grow. So go to manhoodtribes.com/manly to download your free. How manly are you quiz today? That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.

1:42

All right, men, welcome to the manhood tribe show. My name is Don Ross. I'm your host, I'm the founder of manhood tribes. And I'm really glad to be with you here today. We are going to talk about something that I just really, really love talking about. It is such a critical element of what we do at manhood tribes, and I think you are going to benefit tremendously from it. Now at the top of the episode, I mentioned that we are in an era where personal transformation really sells. I mean, it is everywhere. Anybody can try to create a career or at least some kind of a side hustle income out of helping other people become the best version of themselves. I mean, heck. I'm doing it right now, but the point is in our culture, everyone seems to be trying to figure out how can I be better? Life is hard. And man, I could sure use some hacks to help me get through all of the challenges that I'm facing. And maybe figuring those things out is something that somebody else has done. And so if I can just follow his method or if I can just do her techniques or try this course or do this video, or, you know, whatever it is, then somehow some way I'm going to be able to overcome and get to the thing that I really want to get to. I'm going to be the kind of person that I really want to be. And as somebody who is interested in helping you be the most extraordinary man that you possibly can be. I pay attention to these kind of things. I know you're paying attention to those kinds of things as well, or you wouldn't be watching the show. But the point that all of us kind of intrinsically know at this point in our culture is that. Most of that stuff is just garbage. I mean, right. Most of it just doesn't work. We've tried it. We've maybe used it as a new year's resolution at some point in time, it lasts for maybe a week or two, and then we're kind of right back to square one. It not only leaves us. Disappointed that we tried something and it didn't work, but it also really leads, leaves us kind of feeling skeptical. That is any of that stuff going to work. Is there actually a way to change? Why is transformation so hard and why can I not get to. And why can I not seem to get to the place that I want to go and become the man that I want to be. Why does it take so much effort? What I want to say to you today is that look no matter what. Transformation is hard. It takes a lot of work to be able to get from point a to point B and who you are as a person. But more often than not, there is a key ingredient and transformation that most programs and courses and methods and techniques just leave out entirely. And that's, what's most important to us here at manhood tribes. You can hear it in the name. We think that in order for you to transform into a better version of yourself, you have to have a group of men around you. You have to build a transformational community of men who are helping you become that version of yourself. Real and lasting change almost never takes place without community. And so that's why we really believe that in order for you to become an extraordinary man, in order for you to become the best version of yourself, you're going to have to build a tribe. Now. We are in this series where we are talking about how to build. Close friends as a man. How do you build those kinds of friends around you that can actually help you transform that can help you be the kind of man that you want to be. It takes hard work and we've spent the past few episodes talking through what work is actually involved in doing that. Those kinds of friendships. Aren't just going to fall in your lap. Usually you're going to have to go out and build them. And because of that, most men are never going to do it. It takes real work just to even get the kinds of friends who could be able to help you transform let alone to pursue transformation together. Okay. But you're different. You I know are different because you're watching or you're listening to this episode and you're saying, I want this. And I think this really is something that I could pursue. Okay. So I want to help you be able to get there. If you are still in that place where you're saying, I want those kinds of friends, but I'm just not sure who they are. I don't have them in my life right now. I want to encourage you to go back and to listen to the past few episodes in this series to think about how you could build those types of friendships in your life. And when you are at that place, when you were ready to say, yeah, I've got some men in my life, I have pulled them into a tight circle. We are trying to launch and form this kind of tribe community. We want to pursue that. Now's the time to start actually talking about how do you do that? How do you get together as a group of men as a tribe? And follow some kind of method that helps you actually accomplish transformation. What do you do in order to be able to change, to grow, to get better, to become extraordinary. At tribe, we have a method that we follow that's called chisel and challenge. It's the method that I recommend that every tribe go through in terms of how they meet together as a group of men and what they do regularly to help themselves be able to pursue transformation, chisel, and challenge. What that usually means is that your tribe is going to meet once a week. And as you do that, you're going to follow a method where three weeks out of the month, you're doing what we call chiseling. And then one week out of the month, you're going to do manhood challenges. Now, if you've been following the manhood tribes show, you've probably heard me talk a little bit about manhood challenges already, but if not, that's all right. We're going to cover it a little bit today as well, but not as much as I've covered it in the past. So you may want to go back and watch some of our episodes about the marks of manhood and try to understand a little bit more about what a manhood challenge is from those episodes. Okay. But this is our method. This is our rhythm for transformation. Three weeks of chisel, one week of challenge. Now, what does that mean? What are those things and how you do them? Chisel is an acronym. Okay. It stands for the things that you're going to do together as a group of men. And what it looks like is that as a group, when you get together for an hour or two, You're going to pick one guy in the group that you're going to chisel, and you're really going to focus your time. During that particular meeting, just on that one guy. This is different than what most small groups. And especially if you come from any kind of a faith background. It's especially different from what church small groups tend to do, which is they want everybody to contribute. They want group discussion where everybody's getting an equal opportunity, or at least a chance to have equal opportunity to be a part of the discussion that night. And tribe, you're going to do something a little different. You're just going to focus on one guy each time you're together. And that's what the chisel method is all about. Okay. So here's what it stands for. The C H and chisel stands for choose. And that really means you're going to choose which guy you're going to focus on for that particular tribe gathering. Now you can do this a number of ways. It can be, you know, a guy who's coming in just saying he's got some real particular difficulties going on in his life right now. Maybe some crisis popped up even today or sometime that week. And he really needs some help being able to address it. Maybe it's a guy who's kind of had some longstanding issues or particular patterns of behavior that he just can't break free from. Maybe it's some kind of addiction that he's been dealing with or just a vice in his life that he can't seem to get free of and he's ready to be able to tackle it and he wants to talk about it. And so you choose him. Maybe it's a guy who's dealing with relational challenges and he's been hesitant to talk about it, but the group kind of nudges him and says, Hey, I think it's probably time that we talk about you and your wife, or, Hey, you keep bringing up this challenge that you're having with your teenage kid. Like maybe it's time that we talk about it and that's how you choose. It could just be, Hey, this guy hasn't really been chiseled in a while. We've had several sessions since we've heard from him last, maybe it's time for it to be his turn. And that's totally okay. There doesn't really have to be a particular reason for how you choose, but you just want to be strategic about it. You just want to have a reason that you're choosing him for that particular gathering and that's really all that there is to it. Okay. So chief C H stands for choose. I stands for identify. Identify means that you're going to have that guy identify the issue and his life that he thinks need chiseling. You're going to have him kind of talk about what's going on in his world at the moment. What's good. What's not so good. What's blowing up in his face. What's stressful. What's hopeful. You're just going to have him kind of walk through the gamut. Sometimes it might be really easy for a man to be able to identify what thing he thinks needs chiseling. And sometimes he'll kind of go, I'm not really sure guys, life seems kind of okay right now, or I'm dealing with a number of things, but they're all just kind of like small nagging issues. And I don't know that any of those things really needs chiseling. It might be that a guy needs chiseling for something that's kind of deeply rooted in his past that he doesn't see that it's really showing up in his present, but the guys in the tribe can start to see that that's the case. Maybe he's not relating well to the other guys in the trap. And it's time to kind of be able to say, What's that about? There can be any kind of thing that the guy might identify. But the point of this is that you want him to be the one to try to identify it. You want him to bring something to the table saying. I think this is the thing that needs chiseling. Now the S and chisel stands for share. And this is where you're going to have the guy do what we in tribe talk about as get naked. And he's just going to share everything he can about that particular issue or area of his life. He's going to unpack it and be as honest and as genuine and as vulnerable as he possibly can. Certainly as he feels comfortable with at the moment, but hopefully, maybe even pushing past the boundaries of comfort. I like to talk about this idea of sharing and of getting naked in the context of thinking about like surgery. If you're going to have a doctor go in for surgery, that doctor really wants to have some good images of what's going on underneath the surface before he actually gets in there. So he's going to want x-rays, he's going to want MRIs. He's gonna want some idea of what's happening in that world that I'm about to enter into so that I can be most effective when I get down there. That's exactly what you want, the guy and your tribe, who sharing to be able to do for the rest of the trap. You want him to give as clear of a picture as he possibly can. And that means. Sharing everything, warts and all about what's going on and that aspect of his life. Sometimes that's going to be really hard to do. And so you want to reassure him that what's said in the context of tribe stays in the context of tribe. You want him to be able to trust the other guys so that he can be vulnerable and honest about what's going on with him. Now, once he's shared all there is to share the tribe is really just at this point, listening to him, not asking a whole lot of questions, maybe just for clarity. Maybe just to kind of prompt him to share a little more, but mostly you're just listening. Until you get to the E E stands for explore. And this is really the opportunity for the tribe to be able to enter into that man's life and story. And try to figure out more of what's going on. Now as a tribe, you're most interested in a few things. You want to try to figure out what about that part in his life relates to other parts in his life? How has he experienced that thing before? Maybe how has that thing related to, or been related to something in his childhood or with his family growing up? You also want to really try to explore what is God up to in the midst of that place? What does it seem like God might be doing in this place in a man's life? How is he at work here? Most men, when we encounter really difficult situations in our lives. Don't even stop to think about God. It's usually just, what's my solution. What's the quick fix. What is going to get me out of this pain at the moment? But usually God is using that pain to try to be able to accomplish something in that man's life. And that's what you want to try to figure out. Very often in the chiseling process, the issue that a man identifies and shares about, isn't actually the place where he meets transformation. It's more like a symptom. Of some kind of a root issue that needs addressing. And the exploration process. Is where a tribe can really dig down deep into what's happening there and find out how is God at work? What's he trying to accomplish in this man's life? I'm going to leave that with kind of some vague terms at that point to just say there's a lot that can go into this explore phase of the chisel process. And if you're in a tribe and want to learn more about that, we've got some resources for you for how to be able to do that. That I'll talk about here at the end of the episode. But just know the exploration process is one of the main components of chiseling because it helps you. I be able to realize as a tribe, what actually needs to change and transform in that man's life. The last part of that process is the most important step. The L. The L L stands for listen. And it's where as a tribe, you take time to listen to the voice of God. Now. That may sound like a real interesting twist to this process. Right? Most men would probably think that after all that exploration, they're going to offer a little bit of, well, here's what I think you ought to do. Here's what seems like the best path to take. Here's some resources that I know about, or some things that I've tried. Maybe you should try those things too. Men are really, really good at offering advice and really, really bad at having that advice. Actually lead to transformation. So we just in tribe, we just avoid advice-giving as much as we possibly can. We're not there to give advice. We're there to help a man figure out how is God at work in his life and where is God trying to bring transformation? And then lastly, How is God trying to do that? And that's what listening is all about. It's about inviting God to speak and saying, God, what do you want this man to hear through us? What are you saying to him that will help him be able to take some next steps and his journey of transformation and change and growth. And you just listen. You listen in prayer quietly, you try to discern what God is saying. And you're offered that up to that man. And see maybe what God is sharing kind of resonates with him. Maybe God starts sharing some things to different guys in the tribe. And as they all kind of line up together, that man begins to see some threads that none of you would have seen individually. The listening part of the chiseling process is probably my favorite part of tribe. God shows up and does amazing and unique things and bringing about transformation in a man's life. When we all stop long enough to listen to what he has to say. Okay. So that is the chisel process. Choose, identify, share, explore, and listen. You're going to do that three weeks out of the month and you're going to change up which guy you're doing it with each time. The point is you're going to be able to rotate through and choose different men every time that you do it. And because of that, everybody's going to have a turn, but you're not going to have a turn for a little while. And so you're never going to run out of things to share about. I promise. I've got a tribe. Now we've been meeting for almost six years. And we have certainly not run out of things to talk about. Every time we gathered, there's something new to chisel. There's something new to dive into, and God has unique and fresh things to be able to share to us. It is a remarkable process. But it can also be something of a heavy process and that's where you need that one week during the month where you're doing something a little bit different. So three weeks are going to be chiseling and one week is going to be challenged. Now the challenge night is meant to be much more lighthearted, much more fun, and gives you an opportunity to pursue growth in a way that should be. Big time different than what you're doing with chiseling, but also still lead to change and growth as a man. And that's what challenge is all about. You're going to set manhood challenges together and figure out how you can help each other become better as men. And one of our five marks of manhood. If you haven't heard me talk about those before the five marks of manhood. Our strength, courage skill. Honor and allegiance. These are the traits that we think all men should possess in order to demonstrate what it means to be a man. And a manhood challenge is simply some kind of a task that's designed around. One of those marks of manhood. That's going to help you grow and get better. And that particular place of your life as a man. And it should be fun. It should be something that's going to like. That's going to push your skillset as a man. It's going to challenge you. Obviously. That's what the name is, but it's also going to be something that you're going to enjoy doing. It's going to give you an opportunity to try something that you've never tried. It's going to maybe push you out of your comfort zone, but you're going to be glad that you, you did it. It's going to be something that you might even share with another guy in the group. Maybe you do a manhood challenge together. Uh, or maybe the whole group does a manhood challenge together. But whatever it is, you're going to spend just kind of some fun time that one time a week that you gathered together to figure out what your manhood challenges are. And then to figure out how you can hold each other accountable to accomplishing those things over the next 30 days or 60 days, or maybe even 90 days at the most, but you probably don't want a manhood challenged to go much longer than that, because then it's just getting to the level of being probably too difficult and more than likely something that you're not going to accomplish. So. I keep it to 90 days or less. I actually think 30 days is best. And just go ahead and set what your challenge is and talk about how those things are going to be fun, how you can hold each other accountable to getting them done. Maybe you pair up or pair off as a way of being able to say, yeah, I'm going to hold that guy accountable. Or, yeah, I'm going to teach that guy who had to do what he doesn't know how to do, but I do know how. Whatever it is, figure out some ways of helping each other, accomplish your manhood challenges and be able to have some fun doing them. Okay. So that is the tribe rhythm for transformation. Three weeks chisel one week challenge. And I guarantee that as you follow that rhythm, you are going to watch yourself. And the men around you change in amazing ways. You're going to get better as men. But not only that you're going to break free. Break free from some of the really hard things in your lives. Become the extraordinary men that you really have always wanted to be. And you get to do it with guys that you really love being around. They're going to watch you grow and change, and you're going to do the same for them. And it is going to submit your relationships together in a way that you won't believe could even be possible when you're first getting started. So I want you to think about how you can give that a try with the men in your life. As you begin forming a tribe. Now for those of you who are listening to this and you're thinking, gosh, That sounds amazing. Well, it is. I can say from experience, but you might be thinking, how do I do that? Like, how do I go about making that happen? What are some ways that I could like help my guys? Understand what that looks like and have, can I have somebody like, give me some tips on it? I want to put together some resources that will help you and being able to form your own tribe and to pursue this kind of method in the way that you work as a tribe. But to do that, I need some help from you guys. I need some help knowing what would be the best ways to do that, what would be some things that would really be helpful for you in putting these resources together? So, if that's you, if you're thinking I would love to be part of something like that. And I would love to get some feedback to help with how that gets formed. I would love for you to go to manhood tribes.com/launch. And help me by putting your name on the list and I can get in contact with you so that you will know how to give me some feedback on how to pull all this together. Go to manhood tribes.com/launch and put your name on that list so that I know you're interested and I'll begin gathering feedback from you. I hope that this episode has been really helpful for you. but I hope it has also enticed you to want to build this kind of a tribe group of relationships around you. I would love to show you the way and I look forward to continue talking about this on our next episode of manta traps. I'll see you then.