Turning Friends Into Brotherhood

In this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show, host Don Ross discusses the essential element needed to transform a group of men from friends into a brotherhood. We delve into the significance of adventures and how they can foster deep connections, create lasting memories, and build camaraderie. 

We also share practical tips on planning successful adventures, incorporating challenges, and celebrating achievements. 

Additionally, learn about our resources, including the 'How Manly Are You?' quiz and ways to launch your own tribe.

00:00 Introduction: Building Brotherhood
00:36 How Manly Are You? Take the Quiz!
01:10 Welcome to the Manhood Tribe Show
01:22 The Importance of Close Friendships
03:20 Chisel and Challenge: Tribe Rhythms
03:42 The Key Ingredient: Adventure
04:10 Planning the Perfect Adventure
04:56 Three Essential Elements of Adventure
11:11 Scheduling and Commitment
19:05 Incorporating Honor and Celebration
22:57 Conclusion: Launch Your Own Tribe

Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly.

Transcript

0:00

How do you take a group of men who are close friends and turn them into something like a brotherhood? There's probably a few ways to go about it, but there's really one key ingredient that you definitely can't do it without. We need to talk about that today here on the manhood tribe show. Let's jump in.

Don Ross: 0:37

Guys want to know how you measure up as a man? I've got a great resource for you. It's called how manly are you? And it's a free quiz that you can take to figure out how you stack up against what it means to be a man. And when you take the quiz, you'll also get some free resources to help you figure out how you can get better as a man in the areas where you would like to grow. So go to manhoodtribes.com/manly to download your free. How manly are you quiz today? That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.

1:10

Hey guys, welcome to the manhood tribe show. My name is Don Ross. I'm your host. And today I'm really glad to be continuing this series with you on how to build close friends. So as men and our culture today, it has become really difficult for us to figure out what do we do to be able to build friendships. Men for the most part, don't have a lot of friends. Sure. We might have like a drinking buddy, or we might have some work colleagues that we occasionally see, you know, after business hours. But for the most part, we don't have close friends who were really sharing life with and getting to know on significant levels. But we really need those kinds of friends here at manhood tribes. We believe that every man should be part of a tribe. A group of men who can really challenge you and help transform you into being the best version of yourself. But those kinds of friends, aren't just going to drop into your lap. You're going to have to put some work into building those kinds of friendships. And so we've spent the past few episodes trying to talk through, what does it look like and what does it take to be able to build those kinds of friendships? How do you do that? If you're a guy who's maybe just even starting from scratch and kind of feels like. I don't have any friends in my life, or maybe you've got some friends, but you would like to figure out how do you take those friends from just kind of being like casual acquaintances or guys you see every once in a while to really being close friends, that you can build a tribe with. And if you're building a tribe, what do you need to do in order to really take those close friends to the place where you can really be considered a brotherhood? Where you feel like I can't imagine doing my life without these guys as a part of it. These men are a part of everything that I am. They know me, they know my story. They are fighting for me. They want me to be the best version of myself that I possibly can be. And they're committed to that and I'm committed to that for them as well. That is a rare form of friendship. And that's really what we're after here at manhood tribes. Now in the last episode, we talked some about, if you build your own tribe, you're going to want to kind of follow this rhythm of chisel and challenge. And then those would be the normal things that you do as part of a tribe to really help each other get better at being men and to grow in the places where you're looking to overcome some obstacles. But that's not all there is to being a tribe. And in particular, if you're looking for your tribe to really kind of grow into that element of brotherhood, there's one key ingredient that you're going to need to add to the mix. It's actually something that we've already talked about here on the manhood tribe show and that's adventure. We did a whole episode about venture a while back. So if you miss that, go back into the archives and check that out. Just watch that through and get some ideas of what we mean. When we talk about adventure here at manhood tribes. But the point of this episode is not just to rehash all of that, but to really say, how should a tribe do adventure together? What does it look like if you have a group of men who are doing some kind of adventure together and how do you make that work? Well, how does that really build into the friendships that you're trying to strengthen and how do you come out better on the other side? Plus, I want to just give you some tips from kind of like learned experience of leading tribes on adventures and trying to figure out, like, what does it take to be able to make those things happen so that they really do what you need them to do? Okay. So let's talk about a few things as it relates to doing adventure together and really what kind of adventures you want to have as a tribe. I think there's at least three things that you want to consider when you're thinking about what should you do if you want to put together an adventure, what kinds of adventures do you want to go on? So three things. The first thing is that first and foremost, it really has to be fun. Okay. When we're thinking about it, vendor, this is the top of the list. It should be something that you are going to enjoy doing and that your tribe is going to enjoy doing together. So when you think about it venture, like there's lots of different things that you could do and not every tribe is going to enjoy doing the same things. When we think about like manly types of adventures, we usually think of things like outdoors or that involve sports, or, you know, that involves some like significant, like conquering some kind of major challenge in short. Those things are great. I love doing those kinds of things. But it doesn't have to be that it can be something just that your tribe would enjoy doing. And maybe that's having a board game night or going to a museum, or who knows. There could be all kinds of things that could fall into the category of adventure that don't necessarily kind of fit the stereotype of the. Over the top, you know, grand guys trip that everybody longs to take that's okay. It can be any of those kinds of things. But it needs to be fun. It needs to be the kind of fun that your tribe is going to look back on with fond memories and shared laughter and just being able to have a sense of like, yeah, we did that together and that was awesome. That's what you're going for. You're going for shared experience. You're going for things that are going to build memories and laughter more than anything. Because when guys look back on those kinds of experiences, those are the things that help take it to the place of brotherhood. That's where guys really begin to feel like these are the men that I do life with. I'm invested in them. We have shared experience and we keep building on that shared experience over time. And that's what makes us close. That's what really. Really cements our relationships as a tribe. So that's what you're looking for. You're looking for any of those kinds of experiences. The second thing that you want to think about when you're trying to figure out what kind of adventure you might want to have is that it probably needs to be something new, something that most of you haven't experienced before. This is a great way just to get everybody out of their comfort zone a little bit. And for the most part onto a level playing field, now, maybe one or two guys in your tribe, might've had some experience with this thing before, or have been there and done that, and they can kind of serve the role of helping to like coach or guide the rest of the tribe and how to do those things or how to experience them. But for the most part, it's so much more enjoyable if you're all kind of learning and going through it together for the first time, or at least as beginners or adventurers who are kind of figuring things out as you go. That is the way to really create some fun memories, to create some opportunities for learning because you're helping each other out as you go. It's not just about competition. Although competition can be fun as part of an adventure. But it really is about exploration and about doing it together as a tribe, as a team, building comradery, experiencing things together for the first time. There's nothing like that kind of shared experience of, I did this for the first time and these were the guys that were with me when I did it. Those make for incredible lasting memories and really amazing experiences that your tribe can build off of. Now the third thing that you might want to take into consideration is that it's even better. If you can add in some kind of an element of challenge, or maybe even that has just a little bit of danger to it. So something that's going to push your limits just a little bit. Get you out of your comfort zone, but also kind of test you in some ways that you might not have been tested before. Something that will kind of cause you to say, I got to work on developing a new skill. You might even find that it's a skill you'd really like to keep working on once the adventure is done and you realize, gosh, this is something that I could really love. You're only going to find that out by trying it out together as a tribe. And when you do it with something that has a little challenge to it, it causes all of you to kind of push yourself. You're kind of trying to step up your game a little bit as a man, right. And then the competition element maybe does come in some, as you try to outdo each other a little bit. Uh, there's, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, that can really make for great bonding opportunities together as a tribe. And if there's some danger involved, then you know, there's an element of like, okay, gosh, I really got to work at this. We're really kind of going all in on making this happen on doing the best that we can on watching each other's back, like helping each other out. All of those things gets you even more fully invested as a tribe and doing this together with the guys that you love and want to be with. So. Those are the kinds of things that really make for great adventures. Maybe you want to go, not just on a camping trip, but you want to include some kind of like a mountain climbing as a part of what you're doing on a camping trip. Or, you know, maybe you want to go sailing, but you also want to go like, uh, swimming with the dolphins or something like that. That's going to have a little bit more risk, a little more challenge involved in doing that. There's all kinds of things that you can do to add to your adventure as a way of incorporating some things that are going to push you as a man. None of us really love to just kind of have our limits constantly stretched. But as men, we always need to be challenging ourselves. It's how we continue to grow and get better as men. It's how we become the extraordinary men that we were meant to be. So no matter your age, incorporate a little bit of challenge into what you're doing. And watch how it will help your tribe grow into that sense of brotherhood. Now. All of these things are incredible. There's so much fun. But they're not always the easiest things to be able to pull off. Sometimes when it comes to adventure, incorporating adventure into your tribe can actually be the biggest challenge. So I want to give you some tips on how to be able to do adventure well as a tribe so that it meets the needs of your tribe. And that you actually get the guys in your tribe on some adventures together, that you actually are able to do the thing, because what's the point of having these adventures. If only half of your tribe can show up to them, right? You want every guy there that possibly can be there. And for the most part, you want every guy there every time, but in order to make that happen, there's some things that you need to think through. In terms of a rhythm for how often a tribe ought to do an adventure. I probably recommend that you ought to look at like two to three times a year. Okay. And that's just because it's hard to pull these things into your calendar. It's hard to be able to carve out time. Uh, whether that's an evening or an overnight or whatever it is, those things are just hard to add to a schedule, especially if you've got guys in your tribe who are married and have kids, and they've got other competing schedules with them that they're having to juggle and figure out where am I going to put this in? Where am I going to find the time for this? So two to three times a year is about the most that a tribe can handle, but that's also really just enough to help the guys in your tribe. Be looking forward to the next adventure, to be able to say, oh, I can't wait when we're going to get to go to this football game together. Or I can't wait when we're going to be able to, uh, go check out this new whiskey bar in our area or, you know, whatever it is. There's all kinds of things that you can do. But that's the point is you're giving guys something to look forward to. And to anticipate as a part of your normal tribe rhythms, the chisel and challenge rhythm that you go through every month can at times be a little bit exhausting. Sometimes you're dealing with some really heavy things and an adventure helps break up that rhythm. It gives you something else to kind of get you out of the normal habits and to really just kind of like let loose and have some fun. Those are the things that guys in your tribe are really going to look forward to. And so if you can build them into your calendar ahead of time, it helps guys not only to have something to anticipate, but also something to stay committed to. It will give them some reason to be able to go. I want to be around because this thing is coming up and I want to be a part of it. If, if the chisel and challenge routine ever starts to feel tedious, it probably is because you're lacking a little bit of adventure in your tribe. You need some more fun, and this is the best way to build it in. Okay, but to get two to three adventures into your tribe calendar every year, there's some things that you need to consider. One, you need to schedule it out in advance. I would recommend at least three and probably up to six months in advance to get something on the calendar. This is just the reality of our lives. These days, all of us are busy. All of our calendars are packed. And so trying to put something else onto the calendar can just be super, super difficult. If you've got it planned out well in advance, then it at least gives guys the opportunity to say. Uh, I can't schedule anything else that weekend or that evening or that, whatever, because I've got this tribe thing that's already planned out. If you wait until the last minute to schedule it, I guarantee every guy in your tribe is going to have other priorities that are going to have to come before the tribes adventure activity. And that's just life, you know, as much as we might wish that guys could prioritize the tribe above everything that just isn't real guys have families, guys have work. Obligations guys have vacations that they've already planned. And tribe is always going to come as a lower priority than those things. If those things are already on the calendar, but if you can get your tribe thing. On the calendar way in advance, then guys can be able to schedule a round it. And that's really what you're looking for is for guys to be able to know what they have coming so that they can schedule around it and keep that time free for some tribe, adventure. When you're thinking about those two to three adventures as well, you probably want to think that at least one of them needs to be some kind of an overnight experience. You want to do something at least once a year, that really causes guys to get out of their rhythm and routine of day to day life. It brings them out of home, life of work, life of just normal obligations, hobbies, interest in whatever else. It allows them to disconnect and just kind of be fully engaged and focused on the tribe. Even if it's just for a little while. And an overnight trip of some kind is maybe the best way to be able to do that. That might be really hard for the guys in your tribe to be able to coordinate. So once a year might be the best that you can do with that. And if that's it, that's okay. Just make it a habit to try to say we do need some time together as a tribe to do something, whether it's an overnight camping trip or an overnight beach trip, or just an overnight Airbnb in some town that you all would love to go to, like do something that gets you away and allows you to really just connect with each other for an extended amount of time, that will help your adventures. Be even more significant and it takes the pressure off of your other adventures to not have to be quite the same scale. And so if you've got guys in your tribe who are concerned about costs or concerned about time away from their families, most of your adventures don't have to be a huge impact to those things. But if you've got one a year, that's a little bit bigger, it allows that to create some more fun and create some more memories without having to be too taxing on the guys in your group. Let me give you an example of how our tribe handled an adventure. One time that really created. Fantastic experience for all of us. We had kind of decided that one of the things that we would like to try out that most of us never had before was archery. We just, you know, it's kind of like every boy's fantasy, right? You want to be Robin hood or you want to be a character from Lord of the rings and to be able to pull out that bow and fire it away at a target and just nail it. Right. There's something. So like just cool and awesome about that kind of a mainly experience. And so we decided if, if we could find a place that would help us out, we wanted to go take some archery. Lessons. And we did, we found a, we found an archery range in our area and a guy who was a coach and a teacher who agreed to kind of take us on as a group lesson. And so we went and spent about an hour and a half, just learning proper technique shooting at some targets, trying to get better. And, you know, as the evening went on and we'd kind of learned some of the basics, he started creating some games for us and some competitions with each other. And, oh man, it was so much fun. We took great pictures. We had little contests, we laughed. A lot, we made fun of each other when we would beat each other. It was great. And it was just a really fun skill that felt so manly and cool to be doing. But when the archery practice was over, we weren't done with our adventure. We actually had found a guy in town who let us use his guest house. And we went there and grilled out some delicious steaks for the evening and had fun just spending the rest of the night, playing cards and cutting loose and having a good time as guys. We made fantastic memories from that we still, that was years ago. And we still look back on that adventure with such fondness and such laughter over how much fun we had, what a good opportunity that was and how glad we all were that we got to be a part of it. That's what you're looking for in terms of an adventure that really builds brotherhood into your tribe. Those are the things that your tribe will most remember. And those are the things that they will most enjoy. Those are the things that they will share about with other guys to tell them about how awesome your tribe is. So adventure is really, really vital. But I want to tell you about one more aspect of how a tribe really needs to do adventure. Well, to especially just kind of take it up to the next level. To make it something that is not just fun, but also meaningful really becomes something about building that comradery among your tribe. And that's it. I think you need to incorporate an element of honor and celebration into the way that you do try. Guys who are a part of a tribe work really hard at bettering themselves. They're constantly trying to figure out how can I grow in these areas? What can I do to challenge myself? How can I help my brother be able to get better at the things he's working at? There's all kinds of challenges in all kinds of work that goes into it. And because of that, it needs to be celebrated. Guys need to feel seen and celebrated for the ways that they are growing and achieving things they have set out to achieve. So when you go on your adventure, I would recommend that you carve out some time in each adventure to do a little bit of celebrating for the ways that you have seen your guys grow over the past season. Maybe since the last adventure that you went on. So two things in particular that you might do. One is, I would recommend that you do some kind of a celebration for all of the manhood challenges that guys have completed since your last adventure. So. If a guy has spent some time on a manhood challenge, the easiest way to just kind of honor him is maybe to give him a little token. You know, something that's kind of reminiscent of like, if you grew up in Scouts and you got a badge, whenever you completed them, a merit or a task, Then you've got that badge and you got to sew it on your uniform. And man, it felt like you couldn't wait to get more badges to put on there. Pulling into that kind of feeling, even for adult men is really fun. So if there's a way that you can just give him a simple token, maybe it's a little wood chip that you create yourself, or even just something that you print off on a piece of card stock that. You know, represents the challenge that he completed, whatever it is. It's less about the token and more about the fact that you're intentionally honoring the guys in your group for the challenges that they have completed. This helps the guy feel special. It helps him to not only to feel like he did something meaningful, but actually even to remember what he did. You would be surprised as guys go along and keep doing manhood challenges, how often they forget what they actually have already accomplished. So honoring them for that helps them as individuals and the tribe as a whole, to remember the things that they have completed and to celebrate them. But the other thing that I think you can also do is to just take some time to celebrate the chiseling work that guys have done over the past few months since your last adventure. Just take some time to reflect on what all challenges have we faced, what all obstacles in our lives have we overcome? What are the things that Jesus has met us in, as we have tried to fight for one another, what are those things let's reflect on those, let's celebrate each other and let's celebrate Jesus for the work that he has done in our lives. Those kinds of moments of remembering create really lasting experiences. And again, it's just good to recall what all have. Have we done because it's easy to forget when you're just going one week to the next, it's easy to leave some things behind. So this is why we also recommend as a tribe that you get a notebook of some kind to keep record of the manhood challenges that you've done, the chiseling work that has been done so that you can look back on those things and reflect on them and celebrate them and honor the guys in your tribe for accomplishing them. Now, if you can incorporate all of that, if you can incorporate fun, if you can incorporate challenge, if you can incorporate new, if you can incorporate celebration, you are going to build some epic adventures for your tribe. And that's really what you're after. It's those epic adventures that will help take your tribe to the next level and really form your group of men into a brotherhood that is going to last for a lifetime. Now, if you're listening to this episode with me and you're thinking, man, I want that. I want a tribe like that. I want to go on some adventures with guys around me. I want to build something like that. I want to let you know that I'm in the process of creating a resource that can help you to launch your own tribe. But I would love to get some help and some feedback from some of you guys who would love to be able to say, here are some ideas that I have, or here's how I think you might could do that. part better, or I've listened to some of your episodes. And I was a little confused on this. If you're building a resource, could you maybe clarify this aspect of it? I would love to get that kind of feedback from some of you guys. So if you're interested in helping with that, Would you go to manhood tribes.com/launch and put your name on the list. As a guy who's willing to say I'd love to get some feedback and help launch my own tribe so that I know that it's going to be the best resource possible when it comes out. So go to manhood tribes.com/launch and put your name on the list. I look forward to interacting with you about that. And I look forward to talking to you guys next time here on the manhood tribe show. We'll see you then.