The Real Reason Every Man Needs a Mentor (and How to Find One)

Every man needs a mentor — someone who’s walked farther down the path and can help you see where you’re headed. But finding the right mentor can feel impossible. Where do you start? How do you ask? And what if you don’t even know what kind of guidance you need?
In this episode, Don unpacks the truth about mentorship — how to find one, how to build trust, and how to use those relationships to become the man you actually want to be.
You’ll discover:
 • The 3 types of mentors every man needs
 • How to overcome pride and fear when asking for help
 • Why humility and curiosity are the secret ingredients to growth
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Question for You
 What’s one area of your work or life where you wish you had a mentor? Drop it in the comments — your honesty might inspire another man to seek guidance too.

⏰ TIMECODES
 00:00 Why Mentorship Matters
 02:15 The Pressure and Myths Around Mentoring
 03:10 The “Multiple Mentor” Mindset
 05:15 How to Find the Right Kind of Mentor
 06:20 My Experience Being Mentored by Older Men
 08:00 Overcoming Pride and Fear
 10:05 How Mentorship Builds the 5 Marks of Manhood
 11:45 Why It Strengthens Skill, Courage, and Allegiance
 14:30 Benefits of Mentorship and Next Steps

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Transcript

0:00

Every man asks at some point, am I becoming the man that I want to be? We all go through phases in our life. Some of us often, some of us irregular, but at some point we start to question whether or not the choices that we've made are actually producing the kind of life and the kind of character that we really want to have as a man. I think this is really where mentorship in our lives can start to play a role because for most of us, in order to figure out. Are we becoming the kind of man that we want to be? We need some wisdom in our life. We need somebody who has walked the path a little ways ahead of us and who can help us see our lives for what it has amounted to up to this point, and help us discern and evaluate whether or not we're really on the track that we want to be. We can't really do that ourselves because. We have to live with all of the small decisions of our day-to-day lives. We need someone who can kind of step outside of all of that and look at the broad themes of our lives and be able to help us see how is this really working and is it leading me in the direction that I actually want to go. We are wrapping up today, our series on Men and work here on the Manhood Tribe Show. And what I want to talk about today is this whole idea of mentorship because mentoring has become really popular in the workplace culture, uh, especially in North America. And I think this is a good thing, but it also kind of leaves us with some pressure. It kind of feels like, alright, it's just one more thing that I have to do, or I don't really have a mentor. I don't even know who that would. Be like, why do I need this person in my life? How, why should I even pursue that? Is this something that I really have to do? Or maybe you kind of really wish that you could and you just don't have access to who you feel like somebody who would be helpful. Like nobody's seeking you out. There's no obvious mentor to, you know, kind of join forces with. So who would you do that with and how would that even work? Why does nobody want to be your mentor? Why isn't that just readily available? All of these are questions and roadblocks that we kind of hit in terms of thinking about what does mentorship kind of look like in my life? But I think all of those things are actually overcomeable. I think those are things that we can figure out how to get past, and if we do, we can start to move towards some meaningful mentorship relationships in our lives that can help us improve the way that we work and make sure that our work. Goals. Our work aspirations and our work behaviors are all aligning to help us become the kind of men who we truly want to be. Now I do want to say there's lots of ways to be able to have a mentor and not all of them involve work. We're gonna talk most specifically about mentors who relate to your work on this episode today. But mentors can take place in just pretty much any area of your life. In fact, that's one of the first things that I want to say is that I think a lot of us get hung up on the idea of having a mentor because we just don't know who that perfect man is. Who would, you know, come alongside us and help us and who is, you know, five to 10 years ahead of us, or 10 to 20 years ahead of us, and has all the wisdom that we need to access about everything in our lives. Okay. That person doesn't exist, right? You're describing Gandalf or something. You know, like there's no wizard who's coming along to be able to help you on the course of your life. That's just not what mentorship looks like. Instead, I think a better idea or model of what mentorship looks like is to have actually several mentors in your life to have a few different men. Who seem like they can offer wisdom to different places in your life. So maybe you have a mentor who speaks specifically to the way that you handle your marriage and your family life. Maybe you have a mentor who helps you with your faith, and then maybe you have a mentor who helps you with your work, or maybe even two or three mentors who help you with different aspects of your work. Maybe you have a mentor who helps you with being a leader and a team manager, and the different kind of work relationships that you have to deal with. Maybe you have a mentor who helps you with business growth and figuring out how you're going to make money, make more money out of what you're doing in your work. Or maybe you have another mentor who just helps you kind of evaluate. Are my work goals actually helping me get to the kind of life that I want to be able to have. Okay, so all of those are possible ways that a mentor can speak into your life and they don't all have to be the same person. I think that's really key because we as men can kind of get hung up on that idea, and when we do, we just don't ever move forward with finding anyone. A mentor doesn't have to be perfect. They just have to be wise in some ways that you aren't and a little further down the road than you are. So that they have something to offer you and that you're gonna be able to do the same for them. You're going to ask a lot of questions and you're going to try to learn from them, but you're gonna show that you appreciate them. You're gonna benefit them by being a part of their lives and helping them see that the wisdom that they have gained can be of benefit to others. Okay, so that's step one is just being able to acknowledge that you just, you need a mentor for something specific. So identify that specific thing. That's where to begin is really to say, where are the places in my work that I most want? To grow. What are the things that I really want to be able to tackle and to do better? And let's figure out who might be able to be a mentor in those places. Who could you find, who could speak to some of the things that I already talked about, about the way that you relate to your coworkers or who could be a mentor to help you with bottom line growth in your business? These are the kinds of things that you can begin to look for, and you might be surprised who is in your network who could help with those things, even though you might not have thought of them as kind of your ideal mentor to begin with. So start there and begin to seek those people out. When I was in my early thirties, I worked for a church ministry and I was really fortunate to be part of a leadership team that was made up of me and one other guy in our thirties, and then a bunch of men who were in their fifties and sixties. And I'll tell you what, without even realizing it. This other guy in our thirties, he and I, we really got mentored by these older guys in some ways that we were not expecting at all. But it was such a cool environment to be able to learn from them. And over time what really developed was not just a mentorship, but a friendship to where I really began to trust these older men to look at my life, to help me evaluate where I was doing well and where I was off track. And I invited them to be able to speak into me more and more. So it started out that they were just kind of giving input and advice on how to be able to do some things within the men's ministry, and then it evolved more into, I trust these guys' opinions about lots of things, and I really want to hear their wisdom in more areas than just where I started. A mentorship relationship might look like that for you as well, or it might stay focused on the initial topic that you really seek out about. And maybe once you feel like you've learned what you need to learn from that person, it comes to an end. That's okay. Both kinds of scenarios are good where it's a short-term thing and you're just gaining some initial knowledge and understanding, or it becomes a long-term thing where it evolves into something more than it began, as either one is okay, and you shouldn't be upset or disappointed or frustrated. If it looks like one or the other. Just be okay with what it is and reap the rewards of having those really good relationships for whatever kind of season they last in your life. To be able to do that, though you may have to overcome some specific obstacles with yourself to make those things happen. You may have to address some emotions that are holding you back from doing that, right? There might be some pride on your part that's saying, ah, I really think I can figure this one out by myself. What do I need somebody else for? Like, I got this. I just need to work a little harder. I'll just press a little more. I'll read some more things. You know, I'll sign up for this online course or whatever. None of those things are necessarily bad. They are good things to do, but it's really just pride that's getting in the way of saying, you know, I like, I could do this by myself, so I'm not gonna seek out the help of others. Be the kind of man who is humble enough to recognize that while you might be able to do it on your own, you're gonna get more benefit out of seeking out that relationship that's gonna help you be able to do it. There's gonna be wisdom imparted. Yes, but you're also going to develop. This whole relationship that can bring all kinds of benefits that you wouldn't expect maybe through that one relationship itself, maybe through a network of relationships that that person exposes you to maybe through a whole vast set of skills and wisdom that you just didn't even know was there, but got opened up because you were willing to have that humble conversation of asking for some help in the first place. Okay, so don't let your pride get in the way. Don't let your fear get in the way either. You might be afraid of asking someone to mentor you because they might say no, or you might look foolish, or maybe they would think that you're weak or that you're lacking in some way because you're seeking out help. The truth is, anybody who's in a position where they. Can be a mentor has probably had mentors in their life as well. They've received help and they know the value of that and being able to get better and to become stronger and to be the kind of person that you want to be. So don't be afraid to ask. The fear is really just in your head. It's not actually coming from the other person. And honestly, the worst thing that they can do is say no. They're probably not gonna say no because of you. They're probably gonna say no because they have some other reason in this season of life that they just can't say yes to that. But I guarantee they will be appreciative and honored by your request, and it might come back to you in some ways that you aren't expecting. So let go of the fear and take the risk and make the ask. At the end of the day, mentorship is one of the best ways to be able to grow in our five marks of manhood, whatever it is that you're looking to grow in, and often it starts in the area of skill, right? We're trying to advance ourselves, especially in the workplace, in some area of skill or knowledge that we're trying to attain and get better at. Which is great. That's a great way to be able to grow in the area of skill. And often when it starts there, it actually evolves into some other things as well. The fact that you had to take the risk to be able to ask those kinds of questions, took some courage to be able to do that. So it's pushing you to do that, and a mentor is going to push you into some places where you probably are a little bit uncomfortable, and so they're gonna summon up some courage in you as well. It might require some allegiance on your part in terms of submitting to this mentor and their instruction. Being able to recognize them not only as wise, but also as an authority and being able to say, okay, I can be humble enough to be mentored by this person, even if I might disagree with some of the things that they're saying. There's probably a lot of things that they are saying and that they have experienced that. If I did what they did, I might get better results than what I'm getting right now. That's a great way to kind of test your allegiance and to be able to see am I the kind of man who really can submit to someone else even if I don't necessarily see eye to eye with everything that they're saying. All of these are great ways to continue to be able to grow as a man just by putting yourself in this mentoring kind of relationship. If you want a little more information about the five marks of manhood and what it looks like to continue to grow as a man, I wrote a book called How to Be a Man, and it actually covers all of these topics. You'll get all the information on what a healthy, strong version of masculinity looks like and how to live out those five marks of manhood, but you'll also get some information on how to be able to do that with a tribe of other men around you, and that's where you will really begin to grow into excellence as a man. And this book. Will help start you on the path to being able to get there. You can check out How to Be a Man by Don Ross on Amazon right now, and I hope you'll pick up a copy today. All right. As we draw to a close here, in talking about mentorship, I just want to again encourage you that this, as challenging as it might be, is really a good next step for you in your work environment and maybe even in your life as well. But start small. Keep it focused on something simple that you know you want to grow in in the workplace, and seek out that one person who you think could best help contribute to what you need to do and how you need to be able to grow in that area. If you do, I want to let you know of some of the benefits that you probably can look forward to by pursuing mentorship. First, your character is going to deepen. You are going to become more of the kind of man that you truly want to be because you will be sharpened by someone else. You're not just looking to YouTube to pick up a new set of skills and you know, learning the techniques, but doing so in a vacuum, you will be learning things in the context of relationship and. Anytime we learn in the context of relationship, something about that other person rubs off on us, your character is going to grow because you are submitting yourself to mentorship. You're also going to get a clearer sense of your calling. You're gonna get a better idea of who it is that you want to be and what you really do want to focus on this mentor's wisdom is help, is gonna help you be able to see, is this really what I want to do? Is this what I want to be focusing my time on? If this is what it's gonna take to be able to find success in this area, is that actually what I want to be giving my effort to? Maybe it absolutely is, and then you will be reaffirmed and reassured that what you're pursuing is the right track for you to be on. Your life is going to start to gain some more momentum in the ways that you really want it to. A mentor is one of the best ways to help you continue along the track that you want to succeed on, and to actually see some progress. You invite someone else into your process and into your way of doing things and their ability to challenge you to give you new wisdom. To give you new insight, to point out new perspectives are all going to help you get better and gain momentum in the directions that you want to go. And lastly, but certainly not least, you are going to begin to gain the kind of wisdom and influence that will help you at some point in time, become a mentor to someone else. This is one of the coolest parts of being a mentor, is that it helps you see the value of that kind of relationship and it prepares you for being able to do that with someone else as well. Learning that kind of allegiance to a mentor at this point in your life and in your career will help you be able to see the value of. Offering that from the place of mentorship future down the road in your life. Okay, so I hope guys, that this is something that has really challenged you and encouraged you to be able to pursue mentorship in your life and to make it something that really can help you grow and continue to get better as a man in your workplace. I hope this whole series on men and work has been truly beneficial to you, and I would love to engage with you a little bit in the comments about what you have really benefited on. So in the comments, you can do one of two things. Put one place, one skill that you would really like to grow in in your workplace environment that you could seek out a mentor about, or just write something about our work series that you have really enjoyed and benefited from, and I look forward to engaging with your comments down in the comments section below. All right, guys, signing off for this one. I look forward to seeing you next time here on the Manhood Tribe Show, where we will pick up a brand new series and I can't wait to dive into that with you. We'll see you then.