Men Are Starving for This (And Churches Don't Get It)

Most men's ministry isn't failing because men don’t care.

They’re failing because they’re missing what men actually need.

After a series of conversations with leaders, coaches, and men in the trenches, a clear pattern emerged: men aren’t showing up for more content. They’re starving for something deeper.

Connection. Challenge. Brotherhood.

In this episode, we break down the biggest lessons from this series, and what needs to change if we actually want to reach men in our churches and communities.

Because the truth is men are hungry right now.

And it’s time to stop waiting and start leading.

In this episode, we cover:
 - Why men need connection more than content
 - How churches are missing the mark (and how to fix it)
 - The role of challenge in helping men grow
 - Why men’s ministry is simpler than we make it
 - Why now is the time for men to step up and lead
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Episode 083: Men Are Starving for This (And Churches Don't Get It)

Timestamps
00:00 Introduction
01:00 Men need connection, not more content
03:30 Why the church isn’t reaching men well
05:00 The power of challenge in men’s growth
06:30 Keep it simple: what actually works
07:00 Men are hungry right now
08:30 Stop waiting—start leading
11:00 What’s next: preparing men for uncertain times
14:00 Are we ready for what’s coming?

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Transcript

Speaker 0:01

Men, welcome to the Manhood Tribe show. I'm your host Don, and for the past several weeks we have been doing a series of interviews and conversations where we've talked about why is it that men's ministries tend to be so bad, that they really aren't very effective at reaching men, and today what I want to do on the show is It's just going to be me today. And I want to talk a little bit about what I learned from these episodes and what are some of the takeaways that we as men can really learn from the guys that I interviewed to kind of figure out how can we do a better job of relating to the men in our midst and also how can we do a better job of helping and equipping our churches and our pastors to be able to be more effective at reaching and engaging us. As men, what do those things look like? So we're going to just kind of jump in today with some summary findings and learnings over the past few episodes that I think will be helpful for you. Um, but I know they're going to be helpful for me, so this is going to be fun to be able to do together. All right. The first thing that I want to talk about that I learned just from some of the guys that we chatted with is that. Men need connection. We really don't need more content. Okay, this is true and maybe even a little bit surprising because I'll be honest guys, there's, there's way less content for Christian men than there is for just about any other life space on the internet. Whether that's stay at home moms, or Christian teenagers, or young adults who are looking to grow in their faith, or guys who are dealing with porn, or I mean, you name it. Like, there is way less content for guys as it relates to just growing in our faith than there is just about any other phase of life and ministry out there on the internet. And at the same time, even with that being said, Men don't need more content. There's still plenty of it out there for guys to be able to grab hold of. What we're actually looking for is connection. And this is true not just on the internet, but even in our local church context as well. One of the things that I really love from some guys like Ryan Zook, who talked about the idea of mentorship, and Chris Granger, who talked about the necessity of community, um, especially around Building some quality time studying and learning the word of God together, uh, is that it's really not about the content in either of those spaces. That mentorship isn't really about like the lessons learned and the men's community isn't about the scriptural study. It's about the connection with the other guys. And if we're not figuring out how to do that part well, it really doesn't matter how good the content is. That we can say significant and important things all day long, but men aren't just there for content. They're there for connection. Men grow best in relationship, not in isolation. And we know this to be true. I talk about that on this channel all the time. But, if we don't figure out how to do that relationship well, they're not going to show up for the content, even if we're trying to do it in the context of community. Okay? So, this was a huge one. We've got to really learn the ways and the styles that men relate to each other, so that we can create that effective kind of connection among men, not just show up, expect them to show up for content, because it's not going to keep happening. Alright, the second one, which is very similar to that first one, is that the church really isn't reaching men well. Now, we kind of talked about that part of that is because, uh, we try to throw content at men and that's not necessarily what they're really looking for. We want them to be able to connect, but we're not like, Helping them connect in the ways that we as guys know that we connect best. But I think one of the other things that I heard regularly from men, uh, you know, I heard this from Kent Evans. I heard this from Larry Hagner. They both kind of talked about the idea that men need to be challenged. Men need opportunities to grow. and to see results from how they're growing. They need to be able to be tested. They need to be able to contribute. As guys, we like the idea of a challenge. We like something that's actually going to push us and test us, especially if it's along the lines of something that we actually care about. So when the whole goal of getting together for a men's ministry event is just to learn something or to have a good time socializing, Those things aren't bad, but they aren't the things that men are really going to show up for. Men show up for the things that actually add value to our lives. We show up for the things that are going to make a difference in who we are becoming as men. And if you can challenge us well, we might show up more frequently to the kinds of things that you as a church are doing for us. All right, third lesson. This is simpler than we think. This was one of my favorite ones. Uh, it was just this kind of idea that we don't need to overcomplicate things. Right? I heard this from Kent Evans. I heard it also from Chris Harper. Like we don't have to make things very complicated. Okay. We don't have to have all the bells and whistles. We don't have to have just the right setup. We don't have to have the right speakers. We don't have to have the right show. Like it's really not about any of that. You don't have to pull off. The big man fest night where you're smoking a whole bunch of meat and doing all these like manly activities. Now, look, those things can be fun. I as a guy, as a dude love showing up to those things as much as the next guy does. But I show up to those things because they're fun. I don't want just fun. And I think most guys are realizing like the fun is not really where it's at, but yeah, that's okay. But that's not, what's going to keep me coming back. We don't need to try to overcomplicate things by adding in just more fun. What we do need is fun. Relationships and interaction between guys. Uh, as Ryan Zook talked about one man, helping another man, or as any of the guys who focus on community talked about the idea of men fighting for, or investing in other men. These things are just really simple and if we can keep it simple, guys are actually drawn to simple. They don't need it over complicated because the rest of our lives feels over complicated, right? We don't need a lot more mental load to have to juggle when it comes to our church involvement. Just help us with the thing to do and the next step to take and the easy ways to be able to connect with other guys. That's what we're looking for. Okay. Lesson number four. Men are hungry right now. Okay, now this is what is so compelling and talking with all of these guys is that despite the fact that most church ministries are, most church men's ministries are not going well, and even that most churches don't have men's ministries, largely because they don't go well when they start them, despite that fact, Men are actually really hungry. I remember talking with Larry Hagner and hearing him describe the calls and the interactions that he has with guys around their marriages in particular, and how guys are making the same mistakes over and over again, and really are hungry for some help and just need some basic guidance and counsel. These are the kinds of things that a church can Very easily offer to guys to help them be able to level up their skills as a husband or as a dad or as a coworker in any of their relationships and important environments in their lives. Churches can help guys be able to be better at the men that they want to be. And guys are looking for this kind of help. They are hungry for what can be offered if we will actually just step out there and do it. Most guys are struggling. But they're not willing to admit it. They're struggling in isolation. So maybe, uh, a touch point here is that the way to be able to reach guys initially is through something digital. Guys are on the internet. They're especially in spaces like YouTube and Twitter and younger guys in particular are in spaces like TikTok. Maybe there's ways to be able to connect with them there with some basic content and to draw them into something that is more in person and relational in that regard. But they're hungry for it, they're looking for it, and church men's ministries could actually do a really good job of trying to step into those things. Men are more open now than we have been in a very long time. It's time that we try to capitalize on that. Alright, lastly, lesson number five. Now is as good a time as any to stop waiting and to start leading. One of the things that I asked multiple of the guys about and I heard over and over again was kind of the regular conundrum that I hear guys run up against all the time with their relationships to their pastors. Well, I wanted to start this thing up in my church, but my pastor didn't want me to do that. Or I tried to do this men's group, but my pastor wouldn't announce it on Sundays or the pastor wouldn't show up to this men's event that we were creating. And so we just, you know, we didn't gain any traction and we couldn't do it. Okay. What every guy who was asked a question about this said was, stop making excuses. You don't have to have your pastor sign off on what you're doing to be able to be effective at reaching men. You don't even really need your pastor involved to be able to do that. Now, If you're a pastor and you're listening, I would encourage you, you should be involved. Go back and listen to the episode with Kent Evans where he talked about how dangerous it can feel for pastors to get involved in a men's ministry, but why that's exactly what you need to be doing. But if you're a guy who's just a part of your church and you're not on staff and you're not the pastor and you're so frustrated and concerned because you can't seem to get your pastor on board, hey, you don't have to have your pastor on board. You can lead men. Now, maybe it may not be officially recognized by your church. Maybe you're not going to get it in the bulletin or on the stage in an announcement on Sundays. But guys, you don't need that. You don't need that kind of official credibility and recognition to be able to reach and disciple and connect with men. Just go do it. Get started doing something. Even if you do it poorly, You can still do a good job of connecting with men and the ability and your eagerness to step out and do something is more important right now, kind of in this critical time where men are hungry for some help and looking for it. Just step up and step out and see what happens. Now, all of that being said, these lessons were so important and so critical, but what some of the other things that I heard in some of these conversations happened actually offline. So they didn't necessarily make it into the recorded versions of the interviews. But some of the things that I talked with these guys about actually gave me some ideas for, uh, upcoming content, things that I want to begin to work on here at manhood tribes. One of the things that I began to realize is that a lot of, These digital men's ministries or these guys who are creating content for men online. A lot of them are talking about the same things. They're talking about dealing with porn and sexual struggles. They're talking about getting better in your marriage. They're talking about how to navigate your finances and your fitness. And they're talking about how to level up as a dad. Okay, look, all of those things are great. But when you get too many guys talking about the very same things, Not only does the content itself get watered down, but you start to lose credibility among voices because too many people are saying exactly the same thing and you're never quite sure who to listen to. I don't want to be just another voice in this crowd. Okay, I realize to some extent I'm joining some of these conversations later than these other guys that I have interviewed. They've been doing this work for a while now, uh, in the digital space. I've been doing this kind of work with men in the physical space for a long time, but not as long in the digital space. And I'm not trying to just compete with all the same voices by saying all of the same things. So I've been thinking about ways that I could show up for guys and ways that other men are not. And to be able to offer to you guys some content that might be really helpful. One of the things that I have seen come up regularly as a question among men has to do with the state of world affairs and just what's going on in our world right now, especially as it relates to the biblical narrative and biblical timeline. Is what we're dealing with in the world right now something along the lines of the end times? Are we really navigating what could be the end of the age? Are the global issues that we're facing regularly things that are actually talked about in scripture? And perhaps maybe most importantly, if any of that is true, what the heck do we need to do about it? As guys, how should that actually impact us? Should we swing to one side of the spectrum that just says, man, all of that like biblical prophecy and global catastrophe stuff, apocalypse now, kind of whatever. I just, I don't have time for any of that. I can't care about any of that. But on the other side of the spectrum is, and this is actually more common, is the wide range of guys who are just interested for the sake of curiosity's sake, trying to learn the latest thing about biblical prophecy or about fallen angels and demons. Or about, you know, aliens and UFO sightings and how that factors into the end of the world. Like there's curiosity around all that kind of stuff and I get it, but it leads to nowhere. It's just like purely scratching the itch of, Ooh, I want to know something that I've not heard before. And while curiosity isn't inherently a bad thing, we can get sucked into a lot of that kind of salacious sounding information without really doing anything about it. And then it doesn't really add anything to our lives. So what I think I would actually like to do is try to step into some of that content and be able to say, as men, are we living in the end times? But maybe more importantly, are we ready for the end times? Whether this is the end times or not, and it'd be great to talk about it if it is, but whether it is or not, Are we prepared for that as men? Do we know what would be expected of us during that time frame? Do we know how to live well so that when we are confronted with the end times, we know what to do and to be able to handle that season well? What has Jesus asked of us about that time in Biblical history? So, if we are headed towards it, or even if we're in it now, What can we be doing about it? I don't hear anybody talking about that, but I hear a lot of men asking those kinds of questions. Life feels stressful and chaotic and overwhelming and the big global news feels really frightening and terrifying and could really have high stakes for what things mean, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that. And all that it's doing right now is calling me, causing me a lot of anger and fear and anxiety. We don't want any of that. So. For the next, uh, little while here, I'm going to do some content around some of that kind of stuff. And I'd love to invite you to come and check it out with me and to explore some of those questions and to find out what's going on in the world right now and what scripture has to say about it and what we as men need to do to be able to be prepared. So I look forward to talking to you in the next few weeks coming down the road. to be able to address some of those kinds of questions and see what you have to think. I think it's going to be an exciting season here in the life of manhood tribes. So until then, I look forward to talking to you next time. See you guys.