Keeping the Romance Alive After Kids

Hey everyone! In this episode, my sister Jessica and I dive into the challenges of keeping the romance alive in your relationship after having kids. We get real about the struggles of finding alone time with your partner when you've got little ones constantly demanding your attention. From sneaking away for some "adult time" to dealing with those less-than-romantic post-baby body changes, we cover it all with our signature blend of humor and honesty.

I share some of my own experiences as a new mom, like that awkward first date night after giving birth and the importance of communicating your needs to your partner. We also swap stories about the creative excuses we've made when our kids have almost caught us in the act - oops!

But it's not all jokes and embarrassing moments. We also talk about the emotional and physical challenges of intimacy after childbirth and the importance of being patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this new chapter in your relationship.

So whether you're a new parent, a seasoned pro, or just curious about what goes on behind closed doors in a post-baby relationship, this episode is for you. Tune in for some real talk, a lot of laughs, and maybe even a few tips on keeping that spark alive amidst the chaos of parenting.

Hope you enjoyed this episode!

Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
We'd sure appreciate a review too. This helps us reach more women just like you trying to make it through the sometimes chaotic, sometimes fun, and sometimes cry-worth days of motherhood.

Can't wait to hear more from us or want to leave us a comment?

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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,

Jessica & Samantha

Transcript

Okay, there we are. All right, today we are going to be talking about romance. And in particular, post-children romance, which is a lot different than the early days, I suppose, when you didn't have any interruptions and you could get hot and heavy whenever you wanted.

Samantha (00:14.405)
Ooh. Ha ha.

Samantha (00:30.08)
Ha ha ha. Woo, make me blush here.

Jessica (00:35.858)
All right, so Sam, since you are the newest mother, I want you to start here and I want you to tell us what is like the number one challenge right now that you and Brett face when it comes to keeping this alive, keeping the side of your relationship alive.

Samantha (00:41.838)
Yes.

Samantha (00:59.632)
Um, I feel like one is just like time. I feel like, yes, you can like talk about making time for each other and it's important and it is, but actually like making the time to like go on a date night or, you know, just have that one on one time together. Like by the end of the day, you're just both tired and you kind of just want like...

to like relax and just like de-stress and you have like your own way of doing that. Like once Beau goes to bed, like Brett and I take turns putting him to bed every night. And half the time like Brett will maybe come sit on the couch with me for, you know, a little bit, but we're either like both on our phones or I'm watching a show that I wanna watch and then he's on his phone and then he goes and takes a shower and like goes in the room and is like on his phone and that's kind of like his time. And then I...

Jessica (01:27.703)
Yeah.

Jessica (01:44.167)
Yeah.

Samantha (01:55.036)
enjoy my time like watching my show and just kind of like having my tea or whatever and then like I'll go in the room later and like sometimes he's sleeping sometimes he's not but then it's like he might like roll over and I'm like no I'm tired now like I'm going to bed now I was out there and now I don't want to do that but it's just like I remember after Beau was born you know it takes time for you to like want to

Jessica (02:09.362)
Yeah.

You missed the boat.

Samantha (02:24.236)
like go out again and like leave your baby and stuff like that. And, um, we, where we are, like, we don't have a ton of help here in town. Like my mom lives like two and a half, our mom lives two and a half hours away. And then Brett's parents live about an hour away and like my sister is here, but like she has her own kid. And so it's hard to find like a babysitter that you trust because I don't

Jessica (02:27.245)
Hmm.

Samantha (02:49.352)
I just don't want to go out and find some random person to watch my kid like that. I don't know. And so I'm like, you know, I'm fine just being home or we would just take him with us. But then we had a friend's wedding in June, like Brett was, Brett was born. Beau was born in October and then our friend was getting married in June at the end of June. And we're like, okay, well we have to go. So Brett's mom, um, came to town and watched Beau. And when we were getting ready and we went to the wedding and we're like,

Jessica (03:04.907)
Ha!

Samantha (03:20.612)
This is our like first time alone in, I don't know how long, like it was just like, we were there. We're like, what do we do? Like we have all this time, like, and I was breastfeeding and I was like, I can actually like drink a little bit cause I don't have to feed him. And I'm like, what do we, like, what do we do? Like, I remember we got there, we went to the wedding, it was a beautiful wedding. And then we were sitting at the table at the reception and the other people weren't there yet. And I was just like twiddling my thumbs. Like, what do we do?

Jessica (03:37.13)
Yeah.

Jessica (03:49.186)
Hehehehe

Samantha (03:49.84)
I'm like, I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here. Like, the last eight months, like, you can't just sit around and you're just like, what is going on? What do I do? And then you're like, what do we talk about other than the baby? Because we're just talking about the baby. And I'm like, I don't know how to have a conversation with you anymore. Like, what do we have nothing else to talk about other than Beau. And it was just like this, like, thing where you're like, you know, it's a little awkward. You're almost like on your first date again. And you're like...

Jessica (04:03.34)
It's

Jessica (04:12.18)
Awkward.

Samantha (04:17.56)
But this is also really fun because we just kind of reconnected again and you didn't necessarily realize like how far apart you can like drift during like that new parent time. And we're like, we gotta keep doing this. Like we should, we should just make a date night every month. We've just got to do it. And then I remember like the next day, like we're like, Oh God, that was great. It was so good to get out and like we love Beau, but it was great to have some time alone. And then

Jessica (04:22.519)
Yeah.

Jessica (04:36.895)
Yeah

Samantha (04:47.084)
I don't even know, I think it was months and months and months later that we actually did like something else alone and it was another like event that we couldn't take him to or something we never like we're like, hey, let's Oh, I know what it was. Him and I yeah, Brett actually went and got a pedicure with me. He's probably gonna kill me for telling this but we had his brother's wedding. I know it's big news. We had his brother's wedding in San Diego.

Jessica (05:05.09)
Whoa.

Jessica (05:10.51)
Oh my gosh.

Samantha (05:12.136)
And I wanted to go get a pedicure and I was like, just come with me. Like I've been trying to get him to go and he's like, okay, fine. So he goes with me and my friend Sarah watched both for us for like an hour and a half. But that was our other time, like September. It was like, it was months later that we actually did something together. And I'm, and I'm like, so how'd you like the pedicure? And he's like, actually, it was really great. So any men out there, pedicures are great. He loved, he loved getting the pedicure.

Jessica (05:27.286)
That is an event for sure.

Jessica (05:32.312)
Ha!

Jessica (05:40.238)
Oh, that's hilarious.

Samantha (05:41.472)
His feet never looked better, but it is important to make that time. It's hard, but you have to just try to be more conscious of it. And I know Brett and I need to get better at it, but finding like a babysitter or someone that can like maybe like once a month have like a scheduled day like every Thursday or every Friday like of the month, not every Thursday, but like every third Thursday or something of the month.

Jessica (05:44.757)
Nice.

Jessica (06:05.15)
Yeah.

Samantha (06:07.264)
have a babysitter come and just like go to dinner or if you don't wanna spend money, go for a walk or just do something together because you don't realize how far you're kind of like drifting apart because you're just so focused on being a parent.

Jessica (06:22.366)
Yeah, you definitely need to do something, but you know what gets me is the scheduling. I wanna do it when I wanna do it. I don't wanna schedule it. I mean, it's not that I wanna be spontaneous. It's just if I'm in the mood or if we're in the mood and it's like a great day, I wanna go do something. I don't wanna have to say, okay, it's Thursday, it's time, you know. Yeah, it's like this.

Samantha (06:27.33)
Yeah.

Right, I think that's the problem.

Samantha (06:46.264)
Let me try to get a babysitter. Who's available?

Jessica (06:50.038)
This is, it's just like, this is what we have to do tonight.

Samantha (06:51.744)
Well, I think for you, it's a little different because you've got Hayden now that can kind of watch Taylor. So that's totally great for you guys because I think once your kids get older like that and a sibling can watch the other kids, you guys could be a little bit more spontaneous. I feel like with Beau being 14 months, we can't really be spontaneous unless like, right now my mom's in town watching Beau while I'm doing this. Be like, hey.

Jessica (06:56.662)
We do. We have a babysitter. Yeah, definitely.

Jessica (07:05.794)
Yeah, makes a big difference.

Jessica (07:14.919)
Right, right.

Samantha (07:19.556)
Do you care if Brett and I go out to dinner tonight or something? You know, like, but when she's here, like, I want to spend time with her too. But it's like she, I know she wouldn't mind, but it's like, you know, you just, that, that would be as spontaneous, I think, as we get at this point.

Jessica (07:23.096)
Right.

Right.

Jessica (07:32.062)
Yeah, there's definitely phases. I think that is another good point, that there's phases just based on, I mean, the age of your marriage and the age of your children. I mean, having a new baby at home, I mean, gosh, going back to when Hayden was first born, our first getaway, she was six weeks old and we tried to go away.

to Garland for our anniversary. And it was horrible. Like, I cried, I cried. It was so bad.

Samantha (08:03.048)
Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

Ha ha ha!

Samantha (08:10.328)
Well six weeks, did you already have your like appointment where you got the all clear? Or no? Hahaha

Jessica (08:16.478)
Um, I don't know. I can't remember that far back, but we, you know, of course, tried to be intimate and it was, it wasn't an issue, but it was an emotional issue. Like I just couldn't, I was a wreck. I couldn't, I mean, I think the hot.

Samantha (08:29.004)
Well, mm-hmm.

Samantha (08:33.816)
You're just thinking about your child and like, what are they doing? Like, are they okay? And I feel like six weeks, like you're still like, like you're still your hormones and everything are just like still getting back to normal. I know for me, it took me a long time to like get back to somewhat normal. And I feel like I'm still not normal. And, um, I know, I know I personally, I was not, I know like everyone's like, oh yeah, six weeks and like, then you can like,

Jessica (08:37.042)
It was so bad.

Jessica (08:44.821)
Oh yeah.

It was crazy.

Jessica (08:51.992)
Yeah.

I'm going to go ahead and close the video.

Samantha (09:00.896)
you know, be intimate again. I was not ready to even be intimate after six weeks. Like I'm like, I'm sorry. I am not ready for that. I am tired. I am, that's not on my mind. Like I am not even in the mood for that. And I, that's okay. Cause I feel like everyone's like, oh yeah, six weeks. You got the all clear, honey. Okay. I'm like, oh ho ho. No, no, honey. I'm like, I am not ready yet. So just hold your horses. All right. You've been waiting a while, but you can wait some more. You're okay.

Jessica (09:10.423)
Yeah.

Jessica (09:26.296)
Yeah.

Jessica (09:31.122)
Yeah, it was, it was traumatic. I mean, I think the best part of it was they had a pig roast while we were there and that was great. But I mean, and we got massages. I know it did. No, no, it wasn't. No, the problem was, I think it was, I think it was a husband and wife that did these there.

Samantha (09:44.472)
The pig roast made you feel okay. Oh, that's nice. I'm sure the massage was good. It just bring out all the emotions or something.

Jessica (09:58.57)
So of course I couldn't have DJ with a male masseuse. So I had to take the older man and that was very awkward. Well, no, I didn't like it. It was just weird. So yeah, so it was an uncomfortable massage. It was an uncomfortable everything.

Samantha (10:02.838)
Right.

DJ didn't like that? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Samantha (10:15.804)
I've only had one massage and it was a woman and I don't think I would necessarily feel comfortable with some old man rubbing on me either. Especially like six weeks postpartum and you just like don't feel your best. But still, I know I could, I would probably have made Brett have the man. I'd be like, Brett take the man or we're out of here.

Jessica (10:25.794)
Mm-mm. Especially with your husband right next to you. I mean, it was a couple's massage. It was very, it was just all wrong, all wrong.

Samantha (10:42.076)
Sorry, or get me another woman. I mean.

Jessica (10:45.239)
Oh, it was all just something. But yeah, six weeks too early. Nope, nope. So learned, learned.

Samantha (10:48.084)
You just weren't ready. You weren't ready to leave. But I mean, you didn't leave six weeks after you had Taylor then I'm sure.

Jessica (10:57.158)
No, we waited until what, four months? We went to Disney. Remember that?

Samantha (11:01.76)
Yeah, well, I mean, I was three months, I was three months after Beau, because we went to Florida for that work trip. So that was the first time I left Beau was like at three months and that was hard. No, he was three months. Oh, no, he wasn't.

Jessica (11:08.646)
Oh yeah, three months? No, he was older than that.

Jessica (11:16.694)
You had him and yeah, he was older. I think he was six months.

Samantha (11:22.744)
Why do I think he was three months?

Jessica (11:24.69)
I don't know. I think you said last time we went for three, we went for three months. You did. Maybe you should explain the lack of brain power right now.

Samantha (11:30.712)
Did I? Oh my god. Okay well, let's just... Okay so the reason I one, look like this if you can see me, I have no makeup on, I'm in my pajamas, and I have no brain is because I am pregnant again. With our second, I am almost nine weeks and I have no brain, I'm exhausted, I'm a little nauseous.

And when we did our get to know you I was pregnant I just hadn't told anybody yet and Jess had asked me if You know we were how many kids we wanted or were we gonna have any more or whatever and I was actually pregnant And I was just kind of like oh, I don't know we'll see you know So if I make no sense the next you know nine months Eight months however much longer. It's gonna be it's because I am pregnant

Jessica (12:00.787)
I'm sorry.

Jessica (12:07.666)
I did not know.

Jessica (12:19.059)
Totally blew me off.

Jessica (12:24.678)
Oh

Samantha (12:30.636)
So yeah, Beau is six months the first time I left, not three.

Jessica (12:30.946)
fair warning.

Jessica (12:36.806)
Okay, now that we have that all cleared up, yeah. So, okay, we've kind of touched on leaving, but what about those moments at home? One of the things that I had said earlier about, I think that this whole romance bit goes in phases based on your marriage, age, and then also your...

Samantha (12:36.98)
Lord help us.

Samantha (12:40.721)
Yes.

Samantha (13:04.088)
Mm-hmm.

Jessica (13:06.094)
kids age. So I mean, obviously, you're going to be intimate when your kids are home. Like, it's just, it's just part of the package. Yes, it is. It is how life is created. Without it, we would not be here. And guess what? Beau was probably home for it.

Samantha (13:15.33)
right?

It's part of life.

Samantha (13:24.784)
That is how this new life was created. Sorry mom, sorry dad. But yes, that is how this new life that is in my belly has been created.

Samantha (13:35.956)
Well, yes he was. In fact, fun fact, Schmiege family. That's my husband's last name. My last name. I'm pretty sure that this new baby was conceived over Thanksgiving when we were together with his family because you know, we've been trying. So like you have a very small window and you just got to do it when you got to do it if you want to have a baby. So we had to do it over Thanksgiving and his family was around.

Jessica (13:49.336)
Oh. Oh ho ho.

Jessica (13:54.865)
Yes.

Samantha (14:02.784)
But it's like, what are you gonna do? You're trying to build your family. You got to do what's necessary. But that's the thing with like, with Beau at least, like, he's not going to just like accidentally like walk in on Brett and I, he's in his crib. He can't, I mean, he's starting to walk. He, he, when he chooses to, he can, he just doesn't always choose to. Um, yeah, but it's like, we're not worried about him like walking in on us or anything. So, I mean, when they're younger, you have a little bit more freedom in that aspect.

Jessica (14:07.317)
Yes

Jessica (14:13.398)
Walk in. Right.

Jessica (14:19.866)
He can walk, he's just a stinker.

Samantha (14:30.924)
You're more tired, they're waking up a little more often, and like you don't necessarily have as many windows of time, but like you don't have to worry about them so much. But for you, it's definitely different because you have two older kids that are just always around.

Jessica (14:45.97)
It is, but the thing is, I think we have passed what I would have called the worst stage for this because that in between stage is when they're more walking in, interrupting, they don't have boundaries. Taylor still is in that no boundary a little bit. She knows, but she's just a stinker. She's...

Samantha (14:56.44)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha (15:01.9)
They just don't have boundaries, you know? Yeah.

Samantha (15:07.756)
Right. Mmhmm. She's just a little nosy. She wants to know what's going on.

Jessica (15:14.77)
She knows what's going on, I think. She just likes to push those boundaries and push those buttons. But it's like the bathroom, you know, like no mom can go to the bathroom without somebody knocking at the door. I swear when I walk in, yeah, I walk in the bathroom, she hasn't talked to me all day, but I go to the bathroom, she's right there. She knows, it just.

Samantha (15:24.764)
Oh yeah. Yeah, just 20 minutes ago, Beau's like banging on the door, like, let me in.

Samantha (15:35.092)
Right. I wonder what it is. It's like they know you can't get away. They know you're there and you can't get away. You're locked in. I'm going to go ahead and do this.

Jessica (15:40.458)
Yeah, it's like the sign, it lights up. Yeah. But yeah, so she is she's right. I mean, I don't worry too much, but I mean, yes, there used to be a like, mom, what's that noise? Mom, what's hitting the wall? Like, oh, my God. What was that? Yeah. I mean, like, seriously, like, I mean. Yes, yes. I or we shut the door.

Samantha (15:58.312)
Are you okay? What was that? It's like, oh, your dad's just helping me move something.

Jessica (16:10.07)
Why'd you shut your door? Yeah, and she's like shaking it. I'm like, oh my goodness. I mean, the other thing was like, in the middle of the day, if we snuck away on the weekend or something, it's like, we'd have to like, only one of us answer her. Why are you in there together? Or like the shower or something. It's like, why are you both in the bathroom? Like, oh my gosh, you have to like, well, where's mom?

Samantha (16:10.208)
Yeah. Why is your door locked? Let me in.

Samantha (16:28.803)
Uh...

Samantha (16:32.46)
Like, I'm helping your mother.

Jessica (16:38.774)
Well, maybe she ran into the store. Like, I mean.

Samantha (16:43.091)
Well, it's just so funny how you have to like really like yeah, like at whatever ages like when they become more aware, you're just like

Jessica (16:49.502)
It's like, I feel like it's like that, I don't know, like six to, it's like six to 10, I feel like is the age and that's why Taylor's almost out of it. But, and then the, after that, it's like, you know, enough to just let it be, like just let it be.

Samantha (16:56.93)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Samantha (17:05.468)
Right. Mm-hmm. Well, and the thing is, too, it's not like we're like sex-crazed animals that are just like sneaking off all the time to like be intimate. You're actually just like trying to spend like some time with your significant other because like you don't get a lot of time or opportunities and you're just like, you know what? Okay, the kids are outside playing or whatever and you're just like, okay.

Jessica (17:15.146)
No!

Jessica (17:22.029)
Yes.

Jessica (17:27.086)
Great. Yeah. I know, she's playing, they're good, watching a movie, we're gonna just sneak away for a minute.

Samantha (17:34.548)
You know? Because it's not like you can just like always do it like when you are going to bed. In fact, you're just like, I'm tired. I want to go to bed. It's been all day. You're like, I don't want to do that. I have no desire. And then it's like then like there's just all these like no's, no's and you're just and I know I'm guilty of that too. I'm just like, I don't want to. But then it's like

Jessica (17:43.602)
Right. Well, by that time we're tired. Yeah.

Jessica (17:58.134)
Well, and you know what? At bedtime, like in our house, the way our house is set up, all the bedrooms are at one end. So that means everybody's right there. So at least, you know, like we can kind of make it a little bit more discreet if they're in the living room at the other end of the house or they're, you know, wherever outside, it's not as obvious.

Samantha (18:04.311)
Right.

Samantha (18:07.65)
Mm-hmm.

Samantha (18:14.26)
Right. It's just amazing because then eventually your kids are out of the house and then you have the opportunities but then it's like, okay, well, we can really do it whenever we want. So do we have to do it right now? You know? It's like, oh, hmm, the danger is gone. The thrill is over. No.

Jessica (18:25.718)
You're back.

Jessica (18:29.582)
It's, there's, there's no danger anymore. Yeah. The danger is gone. Oh my gosh.

Samantha (18:41.932)
Actually, I never I don't think I ever walked in on mom and dad having I There were like a few incidents where I like maybe heard something. Sorry mom like a squeak Or something cuz their computer room like was no No, no, that's computer room was like right under their bedroom

Jessica (18:46.814)
I did once.

Jessica (18:53.835)
A squeak. Squeal.

Samantha (19:04.82)
And I remember like I snuck down there one night because we were supposed to be off at like 10 or whatever and go to bed. But Sid and I would sometimes sneak down there at night because there was like a boy you wanted to talk to and they were getting, you know, on AIM right when you had to get off. And so then I would sneak down there and I remember one day I was just like, Eeee

Jessica (19:05.42)
Mm-hmm.

Jessica (19:16.323)
I am um. Oh my gosh.

Jessica (19:25.726)
Is there a mouse in the house?

Samantha (19:26.908)
I'm like, oh my god. And I was older at this point. And I was in high school or something. So I knew probably what was going on. But I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go to bed. You know? I don't need to be here for this. But I mean, I never had any traumatic moments of anything. So.

Jessica (19:37.846)
That just ruined the moment for me. That's funny.

Jessica (19:45.534)
No, mine was when we lived on Court Street. When I was little, you guys were babies and I was cold and I because we upstairs in the bedrooms, you know, are all the bedrooms upstairs. And I walked around trying to get the blanket from the big cabinet right there, you know, because of the bathroom and the cabinet was right there. And they had the TV on and. There was lots of shadows happening and it was.

Samantha (19:50.525)
Oh. Mm-hmm.

Samantha (19:58.069)
Yeah.

Samantha (20:03.321)
Oh.

Yeah.

Samantha (20:10.945)
Right.

Jessica (20:13.986)
I went back to bed and I just stayed cold. It was all too much. I was probably 10 at that point. So I'm like, no, thank you. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Oh my goodness, that's funny. But okay.

Samantha (20:16.628)
Yeah, it's like, you know what? I really don't need that blanket. It's like something's going on. I don't know what's going on, but something's going on. Yeah. You're just like, my goodness. So aside from that, what are like some simple, like just like gestures that you can do to keep the romance alive? Like we don't necessarily have to go.

out on like a date night all the time, but like, what are just some like little things that you can do throughout like the day that just kind of are like, you know what, I love you. I'm thinking about you kind of thing.

Jessica (20:58.134)
Well, you know, that's a, that's a funny question. Well, it's not a funny question, but I'd say that just the little taps, little tap on the tush, little, yeah, a little love tap, little, you know, just the little kiss here and there, you know, it's just that quick brush, the brush that you probably didn't like in high school, you know?

Samantha (21:08.385)
Mm-hmm. Little love, Tap.

Samantha (21:21.804)
But see, this is my problem with these little gestures. I don't like being touched a lot, which does not help for my husband, who's love language is physical touch and I'm literally like, don't touch me. Because he will do that and I'm just kind of like, ugh, you know? And I feel bad because it's just like, it's not you, honey, I just really don't feel like being touched right now. And part of it this past year, it was really bad because

Jessica (21:29.079)
I know.

Jessica (21:35.281)
Oh, don't touch me.

Samantha (21:51.04)
I was breastfeeding Beau and I just had a baby on me all the time. I was overstimulated because I don't like being touched anyway and I have a baby literally touching me 24-7 so any extra from him was too much and I would just be like, don't touch me. I've been touched out, don't touch me. So I'm trying to be better about that. But it's like... Yeah, just...

Jessica (21:55.839)
all the time. Yeah.

Jessica (22:08.015)
Oh yeah.

Jessica (22:15.596)
So have him just gaze at you from across the room. Give you that look.

Samantha (22:19.244)
Just like give me like some puppy dog eyes across the way. Or like write me like a cute little note or something. I like that. See, I don't need like physical touch. Just write me a little like love note. Leave me a sticky note or something. Or I also like, I like, um, quality time and gifts. Gifts is a love language. Like receiving gifts. I like gifts. He doesn't get me gifts.

Jessica (22:23.05)
that give you the look.

Jessica (22:32.022)
Leave your sticky notes all over the house.

Jessica (22:43.77)
Oh, your gifts. I yeah, I like to give gifts. I don't like to receive them.

Samantha (22:48.92)
But I see my idea of like a gift would be like, hey, like I just would really like one day, I don't know how many times I've said this and he has yet to do it. So I'm hoping if I say it one more, I hope if I say it one more time, I just have been like, you know what? I would just love to wake up to like a Starbucks coffee or something, you know, like just like bring me a coffee.

Jessica (23:02.166)
Uh oh, hasn't sunk in yet. Hope you're listening, Brett.

Samantha (23:17.868)
I don't need like a big gift, like I don't need you to buy me jewelry, but just like little somethings like that you are thinking of me. Like I can tell you one of my best birthday gifts from him was last year and I wanted to light candles, you know, at the house and I kept burning my finger because I had only had matches or the like lighter that you got to like flip, you know, with your with your thumb.

Jessica (23:41.149)
Matches.

Mm-hmm.

Samantha (23:46.42)
And you know, when you put that in like a deep candle, it doesn't work, like it burns your finger. Yeah, and so he constantly watched me like burn myself, like trying to light all these candles. And so for my birthday, I opened the card and he's got one of those lighters that have like the little, it's not a big one, it's like a little, you know, like a half neck. Yeah, and I like almost cried because I was also pregnant.

Jessica (23:49.694)
Yeah, burns your nail right off. Yeah.

Jessica (24:04.45)
Yeah, it's got the little neck on it. Uh-huh.

Samantha (24:11.232)
And I was like, oh my god, like you remembered how sweet, like you know, you noticed me burning my thumb all the time trying to open these candles. Oh no, I wasn't last year. Maybe it was the year before that he got it for me. I don't know. I told you my brain. Lord help me people. But anyways, I just remember being like, oh my god, like you listened. That was so cute. You remembered. So like, just like things like that. Like I love that. I love that stuff, but you know, I don't need.

Jessica (24:11.586)
Ha ha!

Jessica (24:18.836)
You were pregnant last year?

Hahaha!

Jessica (24:27.79)
Oh boy, oh boy.

Jessica (24:36.576)
Good job, Brett. Yeah, I agree. It has meaning behind it. You paid attention. Yeah, DJ's really good at this stuff though. So I'm lucky, very lucky.

Samantha (24:44.864)
Yeah, I like that. Or like...

Yeah, I feel like DJ is really good at that stuff. I remember one time when we were first dating, not DJ and I, but Brett and I. Um.

Jessica (25:01.154)
I was going to say, oh, this is news to me.

Samantha (25:05.384)
I had made like a comment, you know, like just trying to be cool like yeah, you know, I don't need flowers like they just die You know, I don't it's a waste of money. You don't need flour You don't need to give me flowers, you know, and then I think I've gotten like maybe a couple of Flowers and it's been eight years and I'm like, why don't you ever get me flowers? He's like, well, you said you don't like them and I'm like, did I I'm like so you did listen

Jessica (25:13.418)
Oh boy.

And you haven't gotten any suns, have you?

Jessica (25:24.559)
Oops, oops, oops.

Jessica (25:29.91)
So he listened to that, but nothing else.

Samantha (25:33.048)
But like, you know, so I remember one time for Valentine's Day instead of flowers, he got me like a little rose bush and it was like, it never bloomed. It never bloomed though. It just died and I don't know where he got it, but it was like a tiny little rose bush and I'm like, that's so cute because I don't write it's my love fern. You let it die. You killed it. But so he got me a rose bush and I think that's the last.

Jessica (25:42.07)
Hey, that's good. Oh.

Jessica (25:49.886)
your love plant. You killed it!

Samantha (26:01.988)
flower I've gotten. Well because I was trying to be cool and was like oh yeah I don't need flowers. I don't know. But you know other people get me flowers. Like when I had Beau I got flowers and Sid got me flowers for Mother's Day. You know alls I have wanted for my birthday cause I, cake's fine. But I'm not, and Brett's also not a big cake person.

Jessica (26:04.51)
Oh my gosh. What does that mean? What kind of omen is that? Oh gosh. Oh my goodness.

Wow.

You know, he should be getting you like cheesecake or something. You have a hard time getting cheesecake. That's the only thing.

Ahem.

Samantha (26:30.708)
All I've wanted for my birthday is cheesecake instead of a cake. And I have yet to get it, whether it's from family or hit, you know, I don't have, I've never gotten cheesecake. I wanted it at our wedding, but our wedding was outside. So it didn't really make sense cause it was at our cottage and like, it would have just been way too complicated to keep it cold and whatever. But I really wanted cheesecake at our wedding and we couldn't have cheesecake. Get me a cheesecake.

Jessica (26:37.476)
Careful with his cheesecake. He's very sensitive about his cheesecake.

Jessica (26:47.794)
Yeah, it wouldn't work.

Jessica (26:56.44)
So, Brett, get her a cheesecake. I mean, that's an easy one. Just get a single slice one random day. Bring her a piece of cheesecake.

Samantha (27:00.736)
Yeah, give me a cheesecake. Well, that's what I'll do. I'll go to Meyer and I'll get a slice of cheesecake every once in a while for like a something. So maybe Valentine's day, just get me some cheesecake. Well, that's the thing. When, when I'm a heart shaped cheesecake would be lovely, but when I'm pregnant, I crave, I don't want to say crave, but I just like want sweet things. And last time I was pregnant, I, what this is, I have it.

Jessica (27:11.274)
A treat, a treat. Get her some, a heart-shaped cheesecake.

Jessica (27:26.702)
Well, it's because you couldn't have them last time.

Samantha (27:30.272)
Well, I craved sweet things in the beginning, but I haven't gone yet for the gestational diabetes thing. And I ended up having it last time. And the thing is, I mean, I like sweets, but I don't like eat candy all the time and stuff like that. And I'm usually really good about like limiting my sugar on a daily basis. Who doesn't? Pretzels? Well, when I was... Well, also, like I...

Jessica (27:31.606)
You haven't got it.

Hehe

Jessica (27:49.57)
But you like carbs, because you are a pretzel crazy there. Well, it's sugar kind of still as far as your body.

Samantha (27:59.636)
I feel like when I'm pregnant, I just want like sweet and salty things, you know, and those pretzels I felt like were pretty, they were somewhat healthier. But then when I found out I had gestational diabetes, I like really had to like reel it in. I couldn't have any like sweets. I could still have the carbs, but you got to have them with like a protein, more veggies. And quite honestly, I only gained 25 pounds with my pregnancy. So I'm like, thank you, gestational diabetes, because if I don't know if I would have been able to control myself. No.

Jessica (28:00.336)
No.

Jessica (28:09.038)
Ha ha

Jessica (28:25.842)
Oh gosh. I would have been, I would have been interested to see what you ended up with because mom gained a ton with me and you actually, I think she gained more with me, but she gained more with me than with you too. And I'm very curious to know.

Samantha (28:28.764)
I actually, I'm not even hungry now. I just have no appetite.

Samantha (28:40.)
Yeah, well we were twins, but yeah, she said she gay more.

Yeah. Well, my friends that have been pregnant have gained, you know, 40, 60 pounds, which is pretty normal. And I was on the bottom end. Like, Sid and I both didn't gain very much weight. Sid lost a lot of weight in the beginning because she was so sick. I think she lost like 15 pounds when she was pregnant, but in the beginning. So she didn't end up gaining like a ton of weight because she had like 15 pounds of wiggle room. But I only gained 25 from like start.

Jessica (29:01.822)
Yeah.

Samantha (29:15.748)
finish. And I remember when my water broke, I lost like six pounds just from my water breaking because I had a ton of fluid and I had to get weighed when I first got there. And I was like, one, when my water broke, I freaked out because my stomach shrunk so much. I was like, where's the baby? Like it felt like there was no baby in there anymore because that's how much fluid I had in my stomach. So my stomach like got pretty small. I mean, it's not small by any means anymore, but I mean, like from being pregnant, it like went down pretty quickly.

Jessica (29:21.208)
No.

Jessica (29:24.448)
Yeah.

Jessica (29:32.638)
No! Oh no!

Jessica (29:45.063)
Yeah.

Samantha (29:45.42)
because I had so much fluid, but I lost like six pounds just of fluid and I wasn't even done like leaking basically, you know? But it's just crazy.

Jessica (29:52.99)
Oh god. Yeah, yeah. Well that's interesting because I gained like 50 pounds with Hayden and then I lost 30 with Taylor. Never gained any with Taylor. I was so sick the whole time. So yeah.

Samantha (30:05.588)
Yeah, you lost a lot with Taylor.

Samantha (30:10.548)
Yeah. Is this keeping the romance alive, everyone? Just hearing all these fun stories.

Jessica (30:15.126)
Oh gosh, you know what? Okay, so let's transition this little bit into, all right, so how do you keep the romance alive after having a child with the changes in your body? I mean really, like that's a little segue into the crazy that we just went to.

Samantha (30:27.496)
Yeah. That's actually a really good question because I... yeah. I had... I had a... I personally had a hard time, um, just because one, I just didn't feel ready to like be intimate for a while and I think it took me a little bit longer to like recover than I thought it would. Yeah, and like it was that because I like...

Jessica (30:49.666)
That body confidence, I mean.

Samantha (30:55.712)
I mean, I felt like I was pretty thin before. Like I had like a normal body. Like I had a, I wasn't, I wasn't heavy. No, I was not like, it was just like, you're all of a sudden like your body like, oh, I weigh my normal weight, but I look like you feel and look like completely different. Like your like weights carried differently and you're like, you know, like your boobs are saggy from breastfeeding, but they're big and they're uncomfortable and you're just kind of like.

Jessica (31:00.03)
You weren't heavy at all before or after, but it was like...

Jessica (31:13.232)
You shifted. Yeah, your body shifts.

Samantha (31:25.08)
not really wanting to be intimate with your partner, even though you know they love you no matter what and all this stuff, but it's like you are just insecure about how you're looking and how you're feeling. And I remember my pelvic floor was not fully recovered and all this stuff, and I was just like, uh, I'm afraid it's gonna hurt, I don't wanna do it. That was...

Jessica (31:32.6)
Right.

Jessica (31:47.498)
Yeah, that was a fear of mine.

Samantha (31:50.088)
That's what took me so long is like, you know, because it does kind of in the beginning and you're just like, it takes, it definitely took me longer than I thought. I thought like, oh, six weeks, I'll feel fine. And like, it wasn't like that for me. It actually took a lot longer. Well, that's what I mean. And I'm like, Brett, do you know what came out of me? Like, I don't want to do that right now. I don't want anything else in there. No, thank you. Um, so I think a lot of it is just like a physical and a mental thing because you're just like not.

Jessica (31:55.03)
Yeah, it takes a little bit, yeah.

Jessica (32:02.466)
Do you remember what came out of you? You know, it's like, woo!

Jessica (32:12.041)
Yeah, no, it's good.

Samantha (32:19.064)
fully and then like your hormones are going nuts, which doesn't help your emotional, like you're insecure, you're crying, you're like going through all these body changes and like breastfeeding hurts too. So you're just like, Oh my God, like I have to deal with that. I don't want to do anything else. It's a lot. So I can definitely understand like it taking a while to like feel comfortable or just to feel like you want to be intimate again. And hopefully like

Jessica (32:22.562)
Yes.

Jessica (32:32.298)
Yeah, I didn't do that, but it is.

Samantha (32:43.36)
your partner understands that. Like Brett was pretty good about it. I mean, obviously like they have needs and whatever, but it's like, you know what? I just birthed a baby. It's like, I just birthed a baby. I carried a baby. Like you will be fine. Like for a while. Like that's like, that's not important right now. But again, it is important to have other things that you can do to show them that you love them. You know, you don't have to, you don't, you know, have to do that. Yes, Brett's.

Jessica (32:48.882)
I know that's the thing they have needs too, but it's like

Jessica (32:56.642)
Yeah.

Jessica (33:06.082)
There's lots of things I was going to say. There's so many.

Samantha (33:10.924)
like love language is physical touch, but like there are other things like I'll give you a hug. I will give you a hug. I will, you know, like, and that's big for me. It's like I can tell you all day, but like it's like, you know what? I'm just, I can't, I can't, I was like, I'm going to have to be selfish right now. And I just can't do that for you at this point in time. I hope you understand.

Jessica (33:16.087)
Ha ha!

Jessica (33:20.906)
I was gonna say, that's funny. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Jessica (33:36.722)
That's funny. I mean, I think one of the biggest things for me is like, I got so many stretch marks everywhere. Like my back, my belly, my boobs, like everywhere. And obviously that's not something that's going to go away. It just, they're there now. And that kind of freaked me out a bit because even if I did lose the weight.

Samantha (33:45.128)
See, I didn't get too many, I got a few, but, mm-hmm.

Samantha (33:54.402)
Right.

Samantha (34:02.092)
Mm-hmm. Cause you're just like, right.

Jessica (34:04.234)
It's like I'm scarred for life. Like it's, I mean.

Samantha (34:07.456)
Right. And I think it takes time to come to terms with that. It's like, okay, these are like scars from me like carrying my baby and birthing my baby. And like you can tell yourself that and like that is true, but you have to like, not everyone feels that right away. You know, you can come to terms with it. Exactly. You have to be comfortable at some point.

Jessica (34:16.267)
Yeah.

Jessica (34:22.014)
It's still a mental game, you know, it's. Yeah. And I mean. It's it's still how is my partner looking at me? Like, sure, he says it's no big deal. It's totally fine. You're still beautiful, whatever. But how right, like and even to this day, even to this day, like it's like I've never gotten thin again. I mean, I was never thin.

Samantha (34:34.388)
Right.

Samantha (34:39.224)
But is he just saying that? You know, like that's what you're thinking in your head.

Jessica (34:51.234)
but I've never, I've pretty much always stayed between like a 20 pound area, like since high school, like I just fluctuate in between there. And I don't know, I've never.

Samantha (34:57.688)
Yeah.

Samantha (35:02.552)
Ahem.

Jessica (35:06.61)
I don't, it's just a very weird thing. It's like, well, right. And what's funny, he's like, he likes his curvy girls. It's like, that's his thing. Like that's, well, apparently, well, and I mean, we have, I'm like, and it's like, I've never been, he has, and I've never been super thin. Like I've never, I've always been curvy.

Samantha (35:07.364)
But that's the thing though too, like DJ like loves you for who you are. He's been with you like this whole time.

Yeah. I mean, I mean, if he, he has a type, you know, like he like, he likes it. I mean, God, you guys have been together since eighth grade. Like he's seen all the body changes.

Jessica (35:34.514)
And like I hear him say that all the time and it's fine. I just, I've never been able to get that through my head. It's just always a, always a thing.

Samantha (35:40.152)
Right. I feel like they can tell you all day long that you're beautiful and they love your curves and all this stuff, but until you can like be comfortable. Right. Oh, and of course as women, we all see the flaws and like society makes it that way too. Unfortunately, they, you're supposed to be thin. You're supposed to, you know, put your makeup on every day. Like I was freaking out a little bit because I'm like, oh my God, I didn't know we were like video recording today possibly. And I'm like, I don't have any makeup on. I didn't do my hair. I'm literally in like this like pajama outfit. I was like, you know what?

Jessica (35:46.026)
And I see the flaws. Yeah. I know.

That is true.

Jessica (35:58.635)
Yeah.

Samantha (36:09.836)
This is real life people, I am pregnant, I am tired, I don't feel great, this is life. Like just show up and be comfortable in who you are, you know?

Jessica (36:11.175)
Life, life.

Jessica (36:17.386)
Yeah, do you think? Yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, I think we've probably hit most of the topics we can there. I don't know if we've come to a very good solution for all of this, but I think we've definitely talked through.

Samantha (36:36.488)
I think you just gotta do what, yeah, I think that's another thing. You just have to communicate with your partner, like tell them what you need, like have that, like just communicate your needs, communicate like anything that you're struggling with or whatever and then try to like come up with like a solution or some kind of like compromise that the two of you can like be happy with. Like okay, I need more time alone with you, like let's have a date night every month.

Jessica (36:42.666)
Yeah, that's a good point.

Jessica (37:03.402)
Yeah.

Samantha (37:04.224)
Like, if you need to schedule that, schedule it. If you can be more spontaneous, be more spontaneous, but like maybe pick a day that you're gonna, or a few days that you would do it, kind of thing based on your schedule, or whatever you wanna do. But it's like, I think you kind of have to just talk to your partner and see what is gonna work with us, and like how can we be more like intimate, or whether that's like, let's just go on a walk together alone. Like,

Jessica (37:16.716)
Yeah.

Jessica (37:29.318)
Yeah, just more connected. Yeah.

Samantha (37:30.54)
Just be more connected. I think you have to just figure out what works for you and your relationship because some people might be fine with, and we tell each other, we love each other every day, they kiss me before they go to work, they kiss me when they get home, we hold hands and we put our phones down. Some people might have it all figured out. I certainly do not. I mean, I know Brett and I could put our phones down and watch a show together.

Jessica (37:50.051)
No, we don't. I mean it.

Samantha (37:54.728)
and try to be more intentional with that aspect or something. But I think you just gotta do what works for you because also, as parents, you do need time apart to decompress after work or a long day, so you kinda have to figure out those times where you can come together when you need that time, I guess.

Jessica (38:14.538)
Yeah, 100%. All right, well, that does it for this episode. So we will see you in the next.