Can You Really "Have It All?"

Hey everyone! It's Jessica and Samantha here, and we just had a super real chat about the whole idea of "having it all." You know, that picture-perfect life we all dreamed about as kids? Well, turns out reality is a bit different! We dished about how social media can make you feel like you're missing out, and how it's so easy to get caught up comparing yourself to others. But we also talked about how, as you get older, your priorities change and you start to realize what really matters - like health, family, and just being content with where you're at. Don't get us wrong, we still wouldn't mind a bit more cash to buy that dream house (or in Samantha's case, her weekly Starbucks fix!), but at the end of the day, we're learning to appreciate what we have. So grab a coffee (or whatever sparks joy for you!), get cozy, and join us for a totally relatable discussion on the myth of having it all. We promise it'll be a good time!

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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,

Jessica & Samantha

Transcript

The Myth of Having It All

Speaker 1 0:00

Let's just say he hasn't bought it yet and it's been like seven years and now they're like $300 more expensive with all the inflation and stuff. So I'm like you're not getting one anyway. So it's fine.

Speaker 2 0:11

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 0:13

You have plenty of other guns.

Speaker 1 0:15

But it's just interesting, how like is it harmful or helpful to have this concept of having it all? Because I don't think it's that harmful, but it does kind of skew your mind into like the you know, like the whole, like reality versus non-reality, like it's like you just, yeah, picture perfect. Especially I think it's almost worse now with social media because, like when we were kids, like you got it from tv or movies or like maybe like you did know someone that did live that life and you were envious of it in that moment. I don't necessarily know if it's harmful, if it drives you to like, do better, as long as it's driving you and it's not depressing you and making you like feel useless or inadequate yeah.

Speaker 2 1:07

Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of she's Got it Together. I'm your host, jessica.

Speaker 1 1:13

And I'm Samantha. Each week we peel back the curtain on what it really looks like to have it together.

Speaker 2 1:19

From the messy moments to the milestones, we're here to share it all.

Speaker 1 1:23

So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into today's topic.

Speaker 2 1:34

Hello and welcome back.

Speaker 1 1:35

I just said that, really funny Hello. Podcasting voice.

Speaker 2 1:38

Hello, so not natural. Okay, it is so not natural, okay. Well, anyways, hello and welcome back. And I still didn't. I don't know, we're going to talk today. I know it's very funny. It's like that awkward.

Speaker 1 1:54

You're just starting and you're just like, you're just, it's like. You almost need to like, say like half a sentence before you say welcome.

Speaker 2 2:01

Right, you just gotta like talk into it and then go Okay.

Speaker 1 2:04

Well, it's like when you answer the phone, you're like hello, you know like, you're just like, so like.

Speaker 2 2:12

We're going to talk about the myth of having it all, or do you think it's a myth? Honestly like, is that a myth, or can you really have it all? Yeah, can you have it all, I mean what does it mean to you?

Speaker 2 2:25

Yeah, yeah, exactly so. And the other part of this, though, which I actually think is the most interesting is do you have different times in your life where you feel like you might have it all, or you don't have it all, or like you're you're having it all changes, basically, right, or like you're having it all changes, basically? So, whatever you see, as you know, this great perfect life changes from one phase to the next in your life. So let's just kind of chat about this.

Speaker 1 2:56

Yeah, I think having it all definitely changes. I think as you like grow and you get older and like you just live more life, like I think having it all definitely changes because when I was younger, you know, yeah, when I was younger, like I thought like in the future, like having it all meant, like getting married at like 25, having a kid, having a good job, making lots of money and just like you know like just the almost the like cliche, like having the house.

Speaker 2 3:29

The american dream, you know, the american dream right.

Speaker 1 3:31

I thought that was like having it all and then yeah now like that. I'm actually like older, I'm 33. I always think I'm 30. Still I'm 33, like I just had my son like a little over a year ago. You know, we still don't own our own home yet we're, you know. It's just like we're still navigating life. But I, like, am not where I thought I would be when I was like 16, 18.

Speaker 1 4:00

I thought I was going to be married, have a kid young, have a great job. He'd have a great job. We'd have all this money. We'd live in a big house. That's just not reality anymore, just super comfortable, no worries in the world, that's just you, as a young kid, dreaming up this life that, quite honestly, you see all the time being portrayed on TV.

Speaker 2 4:23

You have to say it's not even reality, because it's not like your parents, like I mean, I guess your parents we had a great childhood, but we did.

Speaker 1 4:33

we had it wasn't like. It wasn't like we were rolling in the dough and like had this huge house and all of these things didn't give us this really problems.

Speaker 2 4:41

You know, crazy outlook on things.

Speaker 1 4:43

No, yeah, I think a lot of it is just you as a kid, dreaming up things in your head that you see on TV or in movies and what you think society is telling you you should have. That's kind of what you thought having it all meant Now to me, having it all just means that I have a healthy family we have a roof over our head. We can pay the bills every month.

Speaker 1 5:04

We have a roof over our head, we can like pay the bills every month. Have a little extra is great, like it's like yeah, I don't necessarily know if that's like having it all, but it's like I have my family, we have our health, like we have somewhere to live, we have food on the table, like all of those things, to me, are more important than like having a ton of money and like having this huge house with all this property and all these material things Like being happy honestly Right, just being happy and healthy to me right now is just like having it all.

Speaker 1 5:33

Like I'm obviously pregnant right now. I hope I have a happy and healthy baby, like it's just like A happy, happy baby, not colicky, thank you, but like. Those are the things now to me and my current stage of life that you know would be like having it all yeah. Of course, I always would love to have more money in a bigger house or my own house that I actually own, and things like that. Like it's like there's always something that you're going to want, but I'm happy and I'm comfortable, but you're having it all.

Speaker 2 6:03

idea is when you're comfortable, you're happy, not this extravagant life, you feel safe, right, right, exactly. It's not this picture that we had, which we didn't even get this picture from social media. Back when we were dreaming this up, I feel like it was more Disney movies.

Speaker 1 6:20

Cinderella Right, like you thought, this prince would come and you'd live in this shiny castle and you'd be happy, and like you didn't even know about money and how hard it was to like have money. And like you have to have a good job, you have to make good money, like it's like to afford all of these things that you want, but it's like they don't say any of that. You just assume that it comes. Because I'm literally like I like was talking to my parents the other day and I'm like um, so when does the money just come and you're comfortable and your life is good and you just feel secure, and they're like never, you know, it's like there's never. It's never like that.

Speaker 1 6:56

There's always something you know, I'm like okay. I just thought there was like an age where you just have it all together. You've probably crossed that threshold.

Speaker 2 7:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:04

Because when you're younger, you think like okay, like my gosh, like 33 is so old. When you're like you, know, younger and you're like, of course, by then, like I'm going to have like a solid job, I'm going to make money, I'm going to have a house, I'm going to have all these, you know things. And then when you are hitting that age and you don't have half of those things and you're just like hmm, when is the age?

Speaker 2 7:25

What have I done wrong?

Speaker 1 7:26

And it's just like the world's changed, like the economy has changed, Like lots of things have changed so it's like your thing. Your myth of having it all will change just kind of based on where you are in the moment.

Speaker 2 7:40

I think the reality sets in for you as you get older. The reality sets in for you as you get older. So I think that whole extravagant idea of this fairy tale life is kind of replaced with just reality. You know your wisdom, you know that, you know you just need these certain things in order to really be happy. You don't need all the you know tangible, the vanity items and things like that. Like it's just.

Speaker 1 8:07

It is interesting how it changes I think it's great, though, that, like you, when you're younger, you can have all these great like thoughts and ideas and like just live that like oblivious, like childhood dream of what your life can be. But then it's like it, almost slowly, like sets in that, like that's just not how life is.

Speaker 1 8:29

But it's nice that, like you, could at least live in that little dream world for a while, and then, like reality sets in and like some people probably live there longer than others, but it's just like it's nice that you at least like don't grow up. I mean, I'm just I'm sure some people do grow up with a very harsh reality of how life is, but like we were lucky enough that we like had like a nice, you know easygoing childhood. You know we, we were very lucky in that aspect to where we were able to kind of like just slowly grow into the dose of reality.

Speaker 2 9:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:03

I feel like going to like college helped and like you have bills, like you have responsibilities, you have a job, like you have all these things that all of a sudden like, oh, like no one's here telling me, like I need to do this or I have to do this, or I remember calling like my parents all the time for like banking stuff and you're just like you know, it's like okay, it's time to grow up now. Like you have all of these things, that you're an adult. Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 2 9:32

It's like the reality of your childhood is over, oh my gosh, but I think that's why we're like.

Speaker 1 9:37

So societal expectations do like influence your view of having it all, because even now, like on Instagram and stuff, like you see what people want you to see and you can see that they, you know, are making these reels in their perfect house, but that's aesthetically pleasing and they have like the husband that you know dotes over them and does all this stuff, but reality that's probably like one section or one room of their house that they made aesthetically pleasing that they make these videos, and it's there five minutes, right.

Speaker 1 10:08

Then their kids come in and destroy it all and then, like you know, their relationship probably isn't as perfect as they're saying online and they just made this video. And then they went and had an argument 10 minutes later, like it's just like you're just seeing the. You know what they wanted to see.

Speaker 2 10:24

It's interesting, though, that social media has even gone that way, because, right, I wonder where this started, like, where did this need to portray like perfection? Start because, honestly, seeing like the behind the scenes that they would call it now like it is.

Speaker 1 10:44

It's my favorite too like but you still the raw like the yeah, it's like I totally relate to you, you know, but that's just starting to come out now I think, like before it was all like aesthetics and positive vibes and like this is right how we are, and like my perfect house with my perfect husband, my perfectly behaved well-dressed kids, you know.

Speaker 1 11:08

But now I love that like moms and you know, even dads are like showing you know the reality of like a day in the life of me with four kids and getting them ready and out the door and you do see, like the tantrums, you see the house is a mess, you see that like their relationship isn't perfect Because that's just like how it is and then it's normal.

Speaker 1 11:28

You know, also those still get those videos of like the perfect house with the perfect deck, like decor and everything, and you're like oh man. I love that. I wish I had that. You know.

Speaker 2 11:39

I do love that, but it's just like I can't quite figure out. Like did that? I mean, maybe it didn't change somewhere, maybe it came from the magazines and the videos and the movies, just like we saw. Yeah, it started with magazines and then now it's, and it just kind of continued.

Speaker 1 11:53

You have the online platform. People just started doing it and you know it does make you like, hey gosh, what if I just bought that cup, that glass that they use with their cute coffee maker?

Speaker 2 12:05

Because my whole room will turn into what they are showing just from that cup.

Social Comparison and Self-Worth

Speaker 1 12:09

And then they're like, oh, like, these are so cheap. They're like 20 bucks on Amazon. Like you order enough stuff and it's not cheap, you know you're spending money on silly things just to make a room aesthetically pleasing so that your videos look nice in the background. I mean, my God, our first podcast episodes. I was in a closet and you can absolutely tell yes, you had the shelves behind.

Speaker 2 12:33

you Like the?

Speaker 1 12:34

shelves, because that's the only place in our house that I had that I could do it Shut the door Built us a room.

Speaker 1 12:42

I have like another. I have like a little guest room, because now the guest room is going to be a baby's room. So now I have like a room, but it's like I still have a white wall behind me. I haven't done the cool wallpaper yet. You know, it's just like there's so many things that like I was thinking about before we started doing this. I'm like I gotta get that cool wallpaper. I gotta have like cute little shelves with like the figures and the crap on the wall, like I was like I got a plant over here.

Speaker 1 13:10

Like I pulled that over, I'm like this can't just be a white like, so it's. It does get in your head a little bit that you're like it has to look at it.

Speaker 1 13:17

No one's going to want to look at it, but the reality is everyone's feeling that way, and some people yeah they're very lucky they could afford to hire a decorator and their house is aesthetically pleasing and maybe they have cleaners that come in and clean. But then I'm sure, like ten minutes later, if they have kids, I'm sure that that nice white room that's all pricked up is, you know, scattered with toys. So it's like I you just can really go down a rabbit hole on these Instagram reels or whatever.

Speaker 2 13:45

And you're just like dang, I wish I had that.

Speaker 1 13:47

I'm losing touch. You're losing touch. It's like it's a myth, you know there's probably a problem going on that you have no idea about. Honestly, we can only hope because it starts making you feel I mean, I know these are supposed to be great and you want to look at them.

Speaker 2 13:58

Only hope. Because it starts making you feel I mean, I know these are supposed to be great and you want to look at them, but then it starts making you feel kind of bad about. Well, my house isn't like that. Why can't I do that? Why can't I? Yeah, exactly, why can't I make that much?

Speaker 1 14:12

money. Why can't I have a house like?

Speaker 2 14:13

that? What am I doing wrong? It doesn't look like this. My kids are not behaving like that.

Speaker 1 14:16

And then you just become envious and want more things, and then sometimes that makes you go buy things that you shouldn't be buying. And then that doesn't help your financial situation either.

Speaker 2 14:28

Or the clutter in your house. I mean, come on, you're just making more and more piles of stuff I know Well, and then it's like, oh, you know, it didn't actually look as good, you know, in person as it did on that video, or you know it doesn't look the same because it's it looks more expensive in that video than it does here. You know, it's like what did they do.

Speaker 1 14:47

It's like because you want something else, that somebody has that you think has this like perfect life, or that has this perfect house, and that's just like yeah, not like that celebrity mentality that you know what they could have a great house and just be like really sad or have an issue in their marriage or, you know, be wanting to have kids and can't have kids, or like they could have all these other things going on that you don't know about and you're just like envious of their home and they're probably just like thinking of this whole life.

Speaker 2 15:21

We're envious of their, of their home, and they're probably just like thinking of their picture life.

Speaker 1 15:23

We're envious of that one square that we see. Well, and you're just probably thinking. What I end up doing is like I think in my mind, like about their whole life. Like you know, they got this great house. The dad's grilling and the kids are playing by the big old pool.

Speaker 1 15:34

It's like they just live the life man like they probably both work from home or they just make all this money doing these videos and you know. But that's just the quick snippet, that 30 second snippet that you see and you already are putting this whole life of theirs in your head, that you are envious of, and you're just like snap out of it.

Speaker 2 15:54

Like you have a great life.

Speaker 1 15:56

You're healthy, you have a roof over your head, you have food. I was like you have a great family. I'm like there's there's a lot of things to be thankful for, but you can easily slip down and be like oh yeah, I just wish I had more.

Speaker 2 16:10

I wish I had more money, more, this more that, even comparing yourself to friends or family, or other things and it's like you know they got something new.

Speaker 2 16:19

Well, I should get something new. Well, shoot, sydney just got a new car. I know I need a new car. Well, right, yeah, I mean it's just like silly things and I would say that I mean years ago, like I mean back when you guys were in college, I mean I did. I mean it wasn't necessarily this, I mean it wasn't necessarily this myth of having it all, I guess, but it was me trying to stay, I don't know, like just keep everything kosher. Basically because you guys graduated from or were going to graduate from Central and I hadn't finished my bachelor's yet, so of course that pushed me to want to graduate at least at the same time or before, and you know like just these little things.

Speaker 2 17:04

it's like, if I think back about that now, it's kind of funny to me that that's what motivated me to do it it's the same thing with my associates. I wanted to have my associates before you graduated from high school, and I literally did it like, but I mean sometimes it's like a healthy push, because you need it, but then other times you're just.

Speaker 1 17:21

I need to do this because they're eight years younger than me and I should have my degree before they do or when they do.

Speaker 2 17:28

You know I should be.

Speaker 1 17:29

I'm the older sister. I should be meeting these milestones before them.

Speaker 1 17:33

Exactly, and that's like a societal thing it is, and I mean it pushed me twice to do this and it's just such a weird thing to think about, which I guess is like good, but at the same time, it's like you don't want to necessarily like get into this like rut of feeling, like you're constantly comparing yourself to someone in your family or whoever, just because like you feel like you should have done this first or you like they shouldn't get that done before me or like I should have a better job, I should be making more money.

Speaker 1 18:04

They're younger than me, but like that's such a such a such a thing bad, wrong.

Societal Expectations and Individual Choices

Speaker 2 18:09

I mean you shouldn't, they shouldn't be thinking that way. I mean those are the like the biggest things that I remember just comparing myself with, like with you guys and it wasn't even comparing myself, it was your milestones. That was perfect, right, perfect, call on that. That's what it was. It's like I needed to complete these things because it's just the way it should be. Well, that's just like how really it's ingrained to you.

Speaker 1 18:31

It is like a human really. It's like, okay, you go to high school, then like you're supposed to go to college, then you're supposed to get married, then you're supposed to have kids, then you're supposed to, like, get the promotion at work, then you're supposed to get married, then you're supposed to have kids, then you're supposed to like get the promotion at work, then you're supposed to.

Speaker 1 18:43

You know, like it's literally like you were supposed to do all these things, and if you veer off a little bit, it's like society's like no, don't do that, that's not how you're supposed to do it. It's like oh my God, you had kids before you got married.

Speaker 2 18:54

How dare you? You know, it's just like it's.

Speaker 1 18:56

I do like that, like society now is changing, but I still feel like when we were younger and going to high school and college, like that was still like what was very, very much expected of you. That was yeah. Now it's like, not so much like that and it's definitely much better and, I think, healthier as like a society as a whole is better.

Speaker 2 19:21

It's more of a decision. I mean, because you don't have to, you could do trade schools. I mean you could do. There's so many other things you can do.

Speaker 1 19:27

Well, my God, college is so unbelievably expensive now and like with student loans and everything else, like you're in debt before you even have a decent job and then you are still like, even in debt, when you have a job and then half your money is going to pay off your school that you had for this job and it's just like it's such a messed up system, but like you could go down a rabbit hole talking about that.

Speaker 2 19:51

But it's like my God, yeah, it is. It is pretty wild, though. There are so many things that just cause us to want more or feel like we need to be a step ahead, or whatever. It's just so crazy, I mean.

Speaker 1 20:10

Well, and some people are very like career-driven or they would rather have a family Like there's like two different people. There's like I really want to be successful in my career and that's what's most important to me, and then maybe I'll have a family or you're just like you know what. I just really want to have a family I can like. The career comes second. So I feel like some people might feel, a lot of people feel like you have to choose. Do you have to choose between?

Speaker 2 20:39

having a career and having a family. Can you?

Speaker 1 20:42

not have both and it's like I guess it just depends on the type of career that you want.

Speaker 2 20:47

Well, you're going to be a work-from-home mom or no, not a work-from-home, you're going to stay-at-home mom. You're just going to be a stay-at-home mom. You don't have to work, so do that.

Speaker 1 20:57

That's like a dream, yeah, and you know, obviously I can't do that, I'm a work-from-home mom.

Speaker 2 21:04

But neither one of us could have just done that.

Speaker 1 21:08

Just stayed home.

Speaker 2 21:09

Right, but we need this interaction. We need to have something else to complete us. Just stay home.

Speaker 1 21:15

I feel like I could have stayed home you think so, just stayed home In the beginning years with Bo.

Speaker 1 21:20

Right now, yeah, I could totally. Once he was in school I would need something to do, yeah, but I feel like right now, like him being so young and like a baby, I would be totally content just being 100 at home with him. I say that now because I'm not I'm very busy during the day with him and with work and whatever. But I in my mind have thought like, oh yeah, I could definitely have just stayed day with him and with work and whatever. But I in my mind have thought like, oh yeah, I could definitely have just stayed home with him until he's like four or five, you know, and then with like every kid.

Speaker 1 21:48

But then the other thing is it's like okay, I don't necessarily have that option, so if I did have that option, would I be seeking out some other outlet?

Speaker 2 22:00

Like, the grass is always greener on the other side. You know what I mean Exactly.

Balancing Work, Family, and Finances

Speaker 1 22:03

Right, exactly so, who knows? I feel like I chose a job as like a teacher. When I was younger, like I became, I went to school, I became a teacher. I had, I got pregnant, had Bo. I didn't want to teach anymore, I wanted to be home with him and then this came up. So I'm like perfect. But then I always chose the job as a teacher and playing teacher at home because I wanted to be a mom and I knew that I could be a teacher and be a mom at the same time.

Speaker 2 22:33

I would have summers off the breaks and things like that.

Speaker 1 22:35

And then I even like, even as a kid, because mom stayed at home but she had the daycare at home. So she was still a kid, because mom stayed at home but she had the daycare at home.

Speaker 1 22:41

So she was still a work-from-home mom, but she was there, but she a lot of the times would have teacher's kids, so then she'd have the summer off. She basically worked a teacher's schedule. So then I'm like, oh yeah, this is great, I can still be present in the summer, I have breaks, I can teach at the same school as my kid for a while and all this like.

Speaker 1 22:59

So there's that myth coming up, there you go and then right and so then, like, granted, teaching has changed very much since I was younger, and even in college, and so then I just got to a point where I'm like I don't even want to do this anymore. I just I I will not be a very present mom and I taught preschool, pre-k, so I was like I don't know how I can go home to my kid after dealing with all of these other people's kids, it's exhausting and you want to be like a nice cool present mother every, every cold and germ whatever oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 23:34

yeah, so it just luckily, like the timing of everything, worked out very well for me and, like, like I've always enjoyed doing, like you know, online, like networking, influencing, like whatever you want to call it, and so it worked out great, but it doesn't always work out for people you know like I if this didn't come up, I would have had to keep working and then put Bo in daycare.

Speaker 1 23:58

And then let's be honest on a teacher's salary working and then put Bo in daycare. And then let's be honest on a teacher's salary putting your kid in daycare you're just working for the daycare, so it's literally like at that point, you know, I I don't know what I would have done.

Speaker 1 24:10

You would have had some decisions to make. Yeah, Because, you know, is it really worth it being away from your kids? Some people just have to work for the insurance, Like they pay the daycare but they get the insurance, so they have to work just for the insurance. So it's like, luckily, like my husband has great insurance, so we were on his. But you know, it's not like we were comfortable enough for me to just completely stop working.

Speaker 2 24:34

Right Financially.

Speaker 1 24:34

I mean there's still bills we have goals and things and, like you know, we're like obviously not where we want to be at this point, but it's like there are so many things that, like even just working part-time, like you have like that security of like extra money, or you know, just like you're not completely solely reliant on one person and like I want to make my own money, I want to contribute to like the household too. Like it's not just on brett, I can sit here and be like, oh, I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom and not have to worry about money.

Speaker 2 25:04

My husband makes millions of dollars and it's totally fine.

Speaker 1 25:07

No, I don't have that luxury. And quite honestly, I feel like you said, like I would probably get bored, I would need something to do. And I mean more power to you If you live in a multi-million dollar home and you can just sit and relax and enjoy that life. More power to you, man.

Speaker 1 25:24

I'm sure I can do that for a little while, but then at the same time it's like okay, you need a purpose after that, outside of the mom, that's when you start lunching and brunching and getting on charity boards or something maybe being on committees, that's all good because you need people to do those things too, so it's like there's just so many different, different lifestyles out there and you can write lifestyle right, yeah and you can be very envious of other people's lifestyles, and that's okay. Like, everybody always wants more.

Speaker 2 25:56

Like you can be content and still want more nature. Yeah, want more, and you want what you can't have, or what you don't have.

Speaker 1 26:00

Don more, I think it's human nature to want more, and you want what you can't have or what you don't have.

Speaker 2 26:02

You don't have, it's just human nature to want that. I think it's one of those things that you learn to not focus on so much. As you get older, though, you really start focusing on the things that actually matter in your life, and I think that that's probably the biggest change, because, I mean, you can dream for everything, but most of the time you know it's not going to kind of come to fruition for you.

Speaker 1 26:35

Well, and it's like you know, you can be super envious of people and have no idea like what they went through or how hard they worked to get where they are Again the whole Instagram. Right, and they could have come from nothing and have worked their asses off for years and years and years and made so many sacrifices and all this stuff to get where they are, and not everyone is willing to do that.

Speaker 2 26:58

Right, it's very much a personal preference on that.

Speaker 1 27:03

I like my Starbucks coffee. It's like freaking $6. Now I could not get a Starbucks coffee and save gosh. I don't know, I maybe get one a week. If that I give myself an allowance, I have the Starbucks app and I put $25 a month on there. I never used to drink it.

Speaker 1 27:23

Like I was obsessed with it for a while that I completely stopped drinking it. Now that I'm pregnant, for whatever reason, like I just really want the cinnamon dolce lattes, and so I've given myself a $25 allowance for the month so I can maybe get like one a week if I want to do.

Speaker 2 27:40

Yeah, there you go, but.

Speaker 1 27:41

I don't do it every week, and then half the time I'm buying Sid one too and I just that takes up my time. So I get like two a month.

Speaker 2 27:48

Okay.

Speaker 1 27:48

Like sue me, but it's like I like my little luxuries. Coffee is a thing for me, and you know what? People are probably listening to this and be like my God, you could save so much money a year if you just stop buying coffee from Starbucks. And then it's like but you know what? I am not that person right now.

Speaker 2 28:05

Yeah, that makes you happy right now. Right, it's your world.

Speaker 1 28:10

Right, I'm just living in it. I feel like there are so many things that we could do to change like or oh yeah, this or that, and you know what some people can can do, like all the dave ramsey steps and things like that, and brett and I have actually really, really talked about doing some of those things and then we just don't do it and then it's like it frustrates me. Really, do this, we should really, but I.

Speaker 2 28:40

so my problem with this is I don't want to give up anything or give up some of the family things like trips or stuff Like I am fine and content moving around funds to make it you know like robbing Peter to pay Paul, kind of thing, in order to, you know, to make it. You know like robbing Peter to pay Paul, kind of thing in order to, you know, have these memories made with my family as opposed to saying, okay, the next two years we're not doing anything, we're going to pay off all our debt.

Speaker 1 29:12

You know like we're going to save everything, but then if you think about it, it's like in hindsight if you think about it, it's two years versus the rest of your life.

Speaker 2 29:18

I know it is and it's like, if you just give it up for two years, you could be debt-free.

Speaker 1 29:23

You could blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 29:25

But at the same time, what if I'm not here in two years? Well, right, that's what I mean. What if something?

Speaker 1 29:28

happens. That's what I mean, though that's me. It's like it's such. Or you just kind of try to be good, you try and go through these phases of budgeting Fall in the middle of this or just doing this or doing that, but it's hard, it's a really big decision.

Speaker 1 29:51

A guy that I went to college with him and his now wife. They did the Dave Ramsey steps and paid off all their student loan debt and I think they paid off their house. They paid off over $100,000 worth of debt. But they did the steps for like a few years and then now they're debt free and it's like God, I look at his things come up on my Instagram. This is the whole thing. It's freaking Instagram, yes, and I'm like God, you know what? I get all jazzed up. I'm like, yeah, we can do this, brett, we can do it. We don't have that much debt. Like it's like literally, it's like credit cards.

Speaker 1 30:24

Right Like Brett, and I literally each have a credit card and honestly, I think there's probably like three grand on mine or something like that, and it's like you know what. It's literally like my student loans are paid off, like it's just like it. It's like there's just this little, there's these little things and you're just like but you know what we really got to start saving for a house. If that's, that's our biggest thing.

Speaker 1 30:47

Yeah, it's like we really the housing market sucks, especially here in grand rapids, like there's not a lot in the market, so it's way overpriced, yeah it's just like we don't want to buy anything right now anyways, but it's like we just keep saying, maybe we just can build a house. We got to save more money, we can build a house, so that's like our goal, but it's like we have to make some changes if we want to keep building our savings account over here. Sam, stop buying Starbucks.

Speaker 2 31:12

Less and less is going in.

Speaker 1 31:13

Yeah, and so it's literally like just silly things like that. That it's like do I really need this coffee? Does it no, does it make?

Speaker 2 31:24

me happy, does it make me happy, so joy is it spark joy, it does spark joy.

Speaker 1 31:28

I literally like do a dance on my way back from getting it. I'm like you know, but anyways, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 31:37

I think it's. Everyone has to make their own decision on that for sure, because that's where I fall, and I know that my husband and I disagree a bit on this, because I want to enjoy the now, because you don't know about the future. But, you know he also wants to make sure that if the future comes, we're okay.

Speaker 1 31:58

Right. Well, what was I watching? Oh, oh, it was a gray's anatomy episode and this guy had um like a tumor or a heart thing or something, and him and his wife, um, were traveling around the world.

Speaker 1 32:12

They like sold all their stuff and living like he's dying spending all of this money living like he was gonna die any day. They ended up in the hospital over like some little something. And then, obviously, like when they did like his scans and stuff, they found that he had this issue and they told him and he's like oh, yeah, I know. And they're like, oh, you know. And then he's like yeah, that's why.

Speaker 2 32:34

Like we sold everything, whatever.

Speaker 1 32:37

And then they're like no, whatever. And then they're like no, well, we think we can fix that. And he's like no, they've done this, this, this, they can't fix it. Like well, I think I can fix it. So he does like this surgery and then he lives and like it's fine.

Speaker 1 32:49

And then they're like wait. So you're saying he's okay, he's gonna live, and then they start crying like oh my god, we've spent all of our money and I think we've like committed fraud and like done all this stuff, and they're just like, oh my god, oh my God, we've spent all of our money and I think we've like committed fraud and like done all this stuff and they're just like, oh my.

Speaker 1 33:05

God, oh my God, Like what are we going to do? We can't pay this back. We've you know, we thought you were going to die, right. And so then they're like oh shit, you know. So tomorrow came. He didn't think it was coming, but it came oh, my gosh oh boy.

Speaker 1 33:18

That's another good point. I think I'm kind of like that. I'm like, oh well, we do need it. We don't really need it, but it's like we do need it. It would be more helpful for us to have this or whatever. And then Brett's more like eh, but if it comes to buying a tool or something that he needs, he's like, oh, but I need this for this and I'm like, do you?

Speaker 1 33:38

though, like couldn't you borrow one from someone? Like do you really need it? So it just. It just is what's important to you. I guess most of mine's like stuff for the house or bow or whatever I I mean now that you're a mom like I feel like that changes.

Speaker 2 33:52

Yeah, like brett's still more like oh yeah, I need this tool because I'll build this for us, or it's like a hobby or you know something.

Speaker 1 34:01

Gosh, he wants a benelli like super black eagle, like nobody's business he's been talking about this, for like the last seven years and he has like a benelli fund that he puts like money in, but then money usually has to get like taken out pulled out around important things, let's just say he hasn't bought it yet and it's been like seven years and um now they're like 300 more expensive, with all like the inflation and stuff. So I'm like, um, you're not getting one anyway, so it's fine oh my gosh, plenty of other.

Speaker 1 34:30

You have plenty of other guns, so but it's just interesting, how like is it harmful or helpful to have like this concept of having it all? Because I don't think it's that harmful, but it does kind of skew your mind into like the you know, like the whole, like reality versus non-reality, like it's like you just, yeah, picture perfect. Especially I think it's almost worse now with social media because, like when we were kids, like you got it from TV or movies, or like maybe like you did know someone that did live that life and you were envious of it in that moment.

Speaker 2 35:08

I don't necessarily know if it's harmful if it drives you to like, do better as long as it's driving you and it's not depressing you and making you, like, feel useless or, you know, just inadequate or like worthless kind of like, if you're having those feelings.

Speaker 1 35:23

Of course it's definitely harmful, but again, that's like how people perceive things and everybody's different, so it's like, well, that's for me for me, everybody's different. It's not harmful for me. It's not harmful. I like don't have those thoughts, I'm'm just like yeah, I'm envious of people that have more than me or. I want more things, but that's just human nature. But I'm not over here like feeling, not dwelling.

Speaker 2 35:50

Sorry for my dwelling on it. I mean, I feel like sometimes I guess, I'm not dwelling on it. I can't have my Starbucks.

Speaker 1 35:58

Right, it's like, it's not, it's not um. I guess it's not hindering me from like living life. I'm not like it's not harming me in any way.

Speaker 2 36:08

Yes, of course it's not negatively impacting you. Everybody wants more.

Speaker 1 36:11

Right. It's not impacting me in a way where I can't get up every day and live my life and I'm upset about my life and just dwelling on it every day. But yes, of course I want more. Everybody does Right, everybody does.

Speaker 2 36:23

It is Even people that have everything, want something.

Speaker 1 36:26

It might not be materialistic, it could be a relationship, it could be like an emotional attachment, it could be health, right, so there's always something that somebody wants. It's not necessarily a material thing. It could just be like a relationship, health, family.

Speaker 1 36:44

People could be millionaires living in their big old house alone and just want a family to put in it, and they don't have that right so it's like everybody's idea of having it all is different, and I think a lot of the time when you think of having it all, money comes to mind right at At least like for me it does Right.

Speaker 2 37:01

That's kind of the I don't know, it's just the norm Right.

Speaker 1 37:05

Well, and then you know, I have like a great family, a great extended family. I have my son, that's healthy. I have my health, like my, you know. So to me the wanting more would just be like more money you know, because that could give me more things.

Speaker 2 37:23

But we've been trained. You know money fixes everything. Money is like that is. That's the right In order to buy this car. You need more money In order to buy this house.

Speaker 1 37:34

You need money In order to buy this nice gift for someone like you need money Like, so it's just like. That gift for someone like you need money Like, so it's just like. That to me is like right. That to me is like the only thing that I would need more of at this point in my life to make things happen that I want and I could budget more.

Speaker 2 37:53

I could not get Starbucks, I could give up things.

Speaker 1 37:56

I could do the baby steps, but I haven't yet. So obviously, it's not that important to me. On a realistic level it maybe should be, but we're not there yet. So it just, you know, everybody's going to have their view of having it all and I don't know, I think that works. Yeah, I just I think that everybody has something that they want, that they don't have, and that's just human nature.

Embracing Women's Unique Journeys

Speaker 2 38:29

But being content. I think we mentioned being content earlier, but being content with what you have right now. You know that's kind of what this is about, you know, not not the dream, but being content where you're at. So I mean, but like I said, having it all is it's to each their own. Yeah, exactly yeah. So guess we can leave it there and hopefully everyone is, you know, content with their current place, or if not, then I guess you work on it. But having it all is what you make of it, absolutely. Thanks for joining us today on she's Got it Together. It's been a real journey, sharing and laughing with you all.

Speaker 1 39:18

We hope you're walking away with a smile on your face and a bit more confidence in your step.

Speaker 2 39:23

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Speaker 1 39:29

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Speaker 2 39:35

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Speaker 1 39:39

Until then, keep embracing your unique journey and remember you've got it together more than you think.