045 - Navigating Infertility with Loren Martin

In this week's episode Loren Martin shares her journey as a critical care nurse practitioner and travel enthusiast. She discusses her love for exploring the outdoors, how it connects her to God, and the challenges she and her husband have faced with infertility. Through her experiences, Lauren emphasizes the importance of finding joy in nature and the lessons learned during difficult times. In this heartfelt conversation, Loren Martin shares her personal journey through infertility and miscarriage, emphasizing the importance of faith, surrendering control to God, and the power of community support. She reflects on the emotional challenges faced during this season and how she found peace by trusting in God's plan. Loren encourages others who may be experiencing similar struggles to seek comfort in their faith and to lean on their community for support.

Connect with Loren:

IG: @locatinglo
Website: https://www.locatinglo.com/

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• 21:23 [Ad] The Balance of Gray
• 22:13 (Cont.) 045 - Navigating Infertility with Loren Martin

Transcript

McKenzie Smith (00:02)
On today's episode of My Valley, His Victory, we have Loren Martin. She grew up in a small town in Tennessee and now lives in Birmingham, Alabama with her husband, and a golden doodle Fenway where she works as a critical care nurse practitioner. She uses her time off from work to travel as frequently as possible. She feels closest to God when exploring his creation and finds so much joy out adventuring. Loren shares her travels on her blog and on her Instagram with the hope of making it easier for others to experience some of that joy too.

Thanks so much for being with us today, Loren.

Loren Martin (00:34)
Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited.

McKenzie Smith (00:36)
Yeah. So why don't you go ahead and just share with the listeners a little bit more about who you are.

Loren Martin (00:42)
Yeah. so kind like you said, my name's Loren I am 28, almost 29 years old. I grew up in middle Tennessee, honestly, small, small town on a farm, with my family and then moved to Huntsville, Alabama. When I graduated from high school, I ended up playing, basketball at UAH where, I met my husband. So he was actually going to college at the university of Alabama and our

One of my very good friends and teammates was dating his good friend in college. And so they basically just annoyed us for long enough that we were kind of like, fine, we'll go on a date. And so we met in college and then got married after that. And then we decided to move to Birmingham for our medical training. And we live here with our golden doodle pin way. He's very cute. We're obsessed with him. He's our actual child.

But I work full time as an expert fish and I see you here in Birmingham and then travel every chance that I get. Also have recently started doing like travel advising and travel planning and have recently launched my travel blog.

McKenzie Smith (01:54)
Yeah, talk to us a little bit about your travel blog and what people can find on there.

Loren Martin (02:00)
Yeah. So, I just launched it like last week. So I worked on it forever. It feels like, but I just, I love to travel. so whenever I'm planning trips, I usually use blogs to kind of help me figure out like the best places to go, like the insider tips of, how to make it easier to explore that place. And so I always just kind of wanted to make, have my own, like, I guess, creative outlet in that way. And so I've been working on it for a little while, but yeah, you can find blog posts there.

to different locations that I've been to and hopefully that helps people plan their trips a little easier. And then of course, I'm so happy to plan it for you too. So excited.

McKenzie Smith (02:40)
Yeah, yeah. So for you, what does traveling look like? What do you guys do whenever you go and travel?

Loren Martin (02:48)
So I like to do a lot of different things outdoors. It doesn't always look the same like every trip. I always laugh because I say I can't really choose a travel style. Like my husband really loves like the water and I really love the mountains. And so, you know, say if I have to choose, I probably like hiking and the mountains probably the best, but I do definitely love the coast. But in terms of like outdoor stuff, like we like to hike, we like to hang out by the water. I grew up around a lake, so.

We like boating, paddle boarding, kayaking, all that kind of stuff.

McKenzie Smith (03:22)
Yeah, you got to find those places that have the water and the mountains for you and your husband. Yeah, you got to go to a place like Grand Lake, Colorado or something where you get get the best of both worlds there. Sometimes the water in those places is a little cold to maybe really enjoy the water, but.

Loren Martin (03:28)
Yeah, right. Yeah, best of both for sure.

Yeah, yeah, we need to check that out.

for sure.

Yeah, I mean we recently went to the Tetons and were able to kind of get in the cold water. It's kind of nice, refreshing after a long hike, so we like it for sure.

McKenzie Smith (03:52)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If it's warm enough outside, definitely. But sometimes if it's if it's not super sunny outside, I'm like, I don't know that I can get in.

Loren Martin (04:00)
cold. Yeah. Yeah. I don't blame you at all.

McKenzie Smith (04:07)
So talk to us about some of the places that you traveled. You said you guys just went to the Grand Tetons. Where else are some of the highlighted places that you guys like to travel?

Loren Martin (04:12)
and

We've been all over the place this year. Honestly, we started out we we like to do trips around just because he usually gets some vacation time and he'll take off like around birthdays, anniversaries, and that kind of stuff. And so for our birthday in February we went to Norway. We were laughing though. We went we were hoping to see the Northern Lights and we did not see them at all whole time we were there. But it was still beautiful. We loved that. And then we did Costa Rica. That was really fun.

For Will's birthday, did Greece. And then, yeah, Glacier, the Tetons all this year. So it's been so much fun. We just love to see it. I don't really even care what it looks like. I just like to see all the new things. It's amazing.

McKenzie Smith (05:02)
Yeah, I'm the same way. I'm like, take me to the new places. I don't care. If it's a new experience, I'm going to enjoy it. Yeah, Norway is at the top of me and my husband's bucket list. And we just say every year that we're going to go, and we still have not been. So.

Loren Martin (05:04)
Mm hmm. Yeah, right. will try it. Yeah, for sure.

You should totally go. It was insane. We went to the Lepoten Islands and it was incredible. Even in the winter it was great. So, you should totally get out there.

McKenzie Smith (05:26)
Yeah. And you guys have been married for how long?

Loren Martin (05:31)
Six years, six and half years going on.

McKenzie Smith (05:32)
Six years. Okay. And you guys lived in Huntsville together and then now you live in Birmingham.

Loren Martin (05:38)
Yes, so we lived in Huntsville for about a year after we got married and then we just felt like the Lord had kind of called us to move to Birmingham and get our medical training out of the way. Yeah, he made a lot of ways for that to happen. So definitely we were grateful for that. And we've just kind of been here since.

McKenzie Smith (05:57)
Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. So talk to us a little bit about how traveling or being in the outdoors plays a role specifically in your relationship with Christ.

Loren Martin (06:09)
Yeah, so I really think just like being out in the outdoors kind of reminds me of how big God is. I literally my favorite thing to do is like find a view and I just stand there and just kind of in awe, really. I just, you know, our creator and how good he is. And I think too, I like the outdoors because it's quiet and you can kind of get away from the distractions. Like there's usually not even self-service, which is nice.

just really breathe, take a step back from the chaos of everyday life and reflect on kind of what's really important. So yeah, that's kind of how, you know, I see Christ in outdoors.

McKenzie Smith (06:49)
Yeah, I totally agree with you on the how big he is. It's like sometimes, especially when you get out into these just like vast open areas, it's just like or even for even for me, like getting up in an airplane is just like, holy cannoli.

Loren Martin (06:54)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Wow.

Right. Insane. Yeah, I know I'm with you for sure.

McKenzie Smith (07:10)
Like, I feel like an ant. You know, I think about the ants in the way that I view ants, and then when I'm in an airplane, that's how I feel. I'm just like, you know, perspective of like, I see an ant and I think, you're so small and so insignificant. And then I get up and now I'm the ant.

Loren Martin (07:14)
Yeah, you're like, I'm just this tiny little

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It never gets old, honestly.

huh. You realize? Right, no, for sure. For sure.

McKenzie Smith (07:37)
So do you have a story that you can share with us about a way in which God has revealed himself to you or spoken to you through the outdoors?

Loren Martin (07:47)
Yeah, so I don't know that there's like one big specific moment, but more just like a collection of like small moments in outdoors. And I think since spending time, more time in outdoors, I've started to just kind of, I guess, pay more attention just like the small things, like watching a sunrise and then just being reminded of who calls the sunrise. And then like recently we were in Glacier and there's this

amazing view with these giant mountains and then this field of just beautiful wildflowers. And I remember seeing that or just watching animals out on the trail. And I'm just reminded of how much God provides for just even the smallest creatures and how much more does He care for me and want to provide for me. And so think that's a really cool thing.

McKenzie Smith (08:39)
Yeah, such good pictures of that provision and backed up with, those are all scriptural of reminding us whenever we are worrying or whatever the case may be of just like, there are.

Loren Martin (08:44)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Just take a step back and breathe like it's, you got it.

McKenzie Smith (09:02)
Yeah, there are billions and billions and trillions and I don't even know what's larger than a trillion of like living, breathing, functioning things on this earth and they all survive.

Loren Martin (09:10)
Yeah

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Right.

McKenzie Smith (09:21)
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. It's a good reminder for sure for all of us. So I know before we started talking, I said, I asked you if you're from Alabama and you were like, yeah, not really the most outdoorsy state or not that much outdoorsy things to do. So you've talked about going on some of these like big trips and getting to travel the world.

Loren Martin (09:35)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (09:43)
Can you talk to us or maybe share a piece of advice of how you connect with God through creation in just your everyday life living in Birmingham, Alabama?

Loren Martin (09:51)
Yeah. Birmingham, Alabama. Yeah. so kind of like I said before, like after spending more time outdoors, I feel like I've started to notice the small things and then try to focus on those. I would just say to like, look for those little things. Like, you'll see like a pretty sunset and then make a time. Like let's stop and go watch that and like spend time and like really enjoy it. Or just like now like the trees are starting the

turn colors here in Alabama and just like walking out of the hospital, like coming home to work. I just noticed those things now. but even just like going outside on a sunny day, like I feel like being outdoors really just like cultivates the heart of gratefulness for like the small things and that we all often take those for granted. So I would say if you live in a place kind of in Birmingham, that's not necessarily, you know, you're not hiking mountains every day. I'd just like look for the small things. and now

that can still bring you a lot of joy.

McKenzie Smith (10:50)
Yeah, it's funny. I've said this a few times on here, but I used to live in Alabama and, you know, thought the same thing like, it's just hunting and fishing and, you know, those kinds of outdoor things. And I've had a couple couple guys on this podcast now from Alabama that are big backpackers. And they talk about like the Pinot trail, which is in Alabama and just like different things. And I feel like now that I've been gone.

Loren Martin (10:55)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (11:18)
all these outdoorsy, hikey, backpacking, those kinds of things have been brought to my attention. And I'm like, that's interesting, because that's not a place that I would have thought. there are, I personally wouldn't call them mountains, but I know some people do rolling. There's a lot of rolling hills in Alabama.

Loren Martin (11:22)
Yeah.

Yeah, I think the highest one we have is Chi Ha. So, it's like 2,000 feet.

McKenzie Smith (11:38)
Yeah, yeah, I only I only know that to be true because of the Riley Green song that says Chi Ha is my ever- Yeah, because it's like that's the tallest mountain I have around

Loren Martin (11:45)
Yeah, Mount Chihaw is my Everest. I actually think we might be going to Chihaw this afternoon, so we'll let you know.

McKenzie Smith (11:56)
Yeah, you'll have to let me know what it's like up there. My in-laws, you're going to have to tell me what it is called, but they always go to the state park. It's like red. Yeah. Is that like south of Birmingham?

Loren Martin (12:08)
Red Mountain, maybe? Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's close by. I think we've taken Finn on a walk there a few times, but so you get to Finn there, there he is snoozing.

McKenzie Smith (12:16)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they go there and just hike around all the time. And I've been up there a few times and it's beautiful. It's just beautiful in a different way. There's lots of trees in Alabama. And like, I feel like sometimes there might be a good view, but like you're just in such thick trees that maybe sometimes it's hard to see.

Loren Martin (12:26)
Yeah.

Mm hmm. yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

McKenzie Smith (12:40)
It's like they call the AT the green tunnel. It's like, feel like Alabama could be a continuation of that.

Loren Martin (12:43)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think, too, like, people that aren't really from here probably do come here and see the beauty more than, you know, we do have, like, lived here just because it is so... it is different from a lot of places. yeah, just trying not to take that for granted, knowing that, you know, there's beauty everywhere.

McKenzie Smith (12:57)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because whenever we were, my husband's from Alabama, that's why we lived in Alabama. But we, whenever we were in the process of moving out west, he was like, we're talking through criteria of what it would take or, you know, like what we wanted, not what it would take, but what we wanted from a place. And he was like, there has to be trees.

Loren Martin (13:07)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (13:26)
And I was like, that's one of your top three things. And he was like, yes. To me, that's home, is being in trees. And he was like, and I just love looking around and seeing the trees and being able to walk through the trees. And that's something that's really important to him. And he's not a big fan of the desert because he's like, don't like where are the trees? Where's the green? And I'm just like, that's so funny. Because I.

Loren Martin (13:28)
That's funny.

Mm-hmm.

Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I honestly feel that like I like some green too.

McKenzie Smith (13:52)
Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in Kansas. So it's like, there's not a ton of trees. There's some trees, but it's pretty flat and it's farmland. So I don't really have a draw to either one more than the other. I love the mountains and I love the desert and I just think they're both spectacular. So one doesn't feel like necessarily more, more homey, but I just remembered I giggled whenever he was sharing that about like, I need there to be green and I need there to be trees.

Loren Martin (13:56)
Mm-hmm.

You

This has to have the trees. Yeah, I love that. I'm glad you guys found a spot. A spot with some trees.

McKenzie Smith (14:23)
I was like, yeah, was like duly noted and I'm really glad you verbalized that because I would have never known that. Okay, so switching gears a little bit into the title of this podcast, My Valley, His Victory, would love for you to share a valley or a season of wilderness and just what you experienced, what you learned about God through that season.

Loren Martin (14:30)
Yeah

I love it.

Yeah, so this is actually kind of a big one and easily probably the hardest thing that I've walked through. It's actually my current valley. It's been something that my husband and I have kind of been struggling through and growing through over last three years. So kind like I said, my husband and I got married in 2018 right after we finished up college.

You know, we've always dreamed of having a big family. We're really excited for that season in our lives. But like we said, we were both in the medical field and so we wanted to get all of our training out of the way before we started a family so that we could be more present when we did have kids. What we weren't prepared for though was the reality that having our own children wouldn't be easy. So after a year of trying to start a family, we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

which basically just means that we did all of the typical testing, but we weren't able to find a cause or a reason for all of it. And honestly, just hearing the word infertility felt like my worst nightmare. I really struggled for a long time, just like being frustrated with God. Like, God, I know that you're good, but nothing about the situation feels good or seems good.

and I remember feeling like I was being punished, in some way, which is exactly what the enemy wanted me to believe. I would think things like you tell us to be fruitful and multiply and you tell us that, you know, children are a blessing and a reward. but then, you know, the situation doesn't seem like any of those things that you've said. and I remember just standing in my kitchen one night. I was just wrestling with all these thoughts.

I just felt the Lord say to me, like, your pain is not a punishment and I will make this good. And I just remember just feeling like such a weight off of me. And I'm super, super grateful for his continued grace through the season because even when I was angry, he never left me. And I've been able to like truly understand the meaning of God being close to the brokenhearted through all of this.

But we tried multiple treatments like medically that were unsuccessful. And then we ultimately ended up doing IVF, which is kind of something that I struggle with should we even do that. But we, we did our first embryo transfer back in December of 23. And after trying for two years at that point,

I became pregnant. I found out on Christmas day actually that I was pregnant. And we were obviously super excited. We had never seen a positive pregnancy test in what felt like forever. And we were like, man, this is our miracle. We are so grateful. We got the blood work back. looked good. And then it was like a long holiday over, I think it's New Year's.

before I went back to get repeat blood work done. And in the meantime, we lost the baby. So that was very difficult. And so our doctor who is amazing, by the way, that's truly a gift from God. She's a believer. And she has supported us for in so many ways, but she was like, I know this is really hard. And the research really does say like, if you jump right back into it, like your odds are a lot higher, like after a loss. And so we went ahead and did our second

embryo transfer and became pregnant again, which of course that came with a lot of like, okay, like, well, is this going to happen again? And kind of just like fearfulness, but we were able to see a heartbeat that time. But unfortunately did lose that baby as well. And so that was in March of this year.

And after that last miscarriage, was actually talking to a friend who's also kind of walking through a season of waiting. She's in a single season of like singleness, but she was just kind of sharing with me. So sorry, Ben Sparkin. Ben. I'm so sorry. doesn't. Ben, wait. Come here. Come here.

McKenzie Smith (19:25)
you

It's okay. No, it's fine.

Loren Martin (19:36)
So sorry, I he was gonna do that.

McKenzie Smith (19:38)
No, it's okay.

No.

Loren Martin (19:48)
Anyways, what I would say is... Hey. Shh, shh, shh. I can't chew on that.

McKenzie Smith (19:49)
My dogs do the same thing. It's okay.

Loren Martin (19:56)
Super excited. He thinks someone's coming to see him.

What?

McKenzie Smith (20:06)
You

It's just a delivery man, Fenway.

Loren Martin (20:13)
I know, it was just Amazon I think. Hey, shh. I know, golly. Interrupted a nap from this little guy. But basically what I saying is that I was kinda talking with a friend who's also dealing with like a season of waiting and she just shared with me, know.

McKenzie Smith (20:17)
Good ol' Amazon.

Loren Martin (20:37)
Basically, like just had to ask the Lord for something to hold on to just to give me a word to hang on to through all this like heartbreak and uncertainty. And so I just remember it was a Sunday morning and I was scheduled to work. So I was driving in super early that morning to work and I just remember praying and just asking the Lord to give me something to cling to while I walk through this valley.

And then it was probably less than two hours later, I walked in to work. I was walking down the hallway and a friend who kind of knew some of the things that we'd been dealing with came up to me in the hallway and was just asking me, you like how are things going? And I shared with her about the miscarriage. And I remember being kind of like, what's going on? Because she was, she was obviously very apologetic. Like, I'm so sorry, but also kind of giddy in a way. And she was like, I'm so sorry. just.

like I've been praying so hard for you. And she was like, I truly heard the Lord say to me that Loren will be a mom. Like it was so clear. She's like, I just couldn't wait to tell you that. I just remember I was overwhelmed with emotion because I just, I just the realization of like, wow, like he truly loves me. He cares about me. Like he wants to walk with me through this. he hears my prayers. Like I literally just asked him for this, like a lesson, like a couple hours ago, but,

All I had to do was ask him. It was just kind of that realization. And then later that day, I was at work, but was kind of listening to church online while working. I heard our pastor say, like, have a word that's meant for someone. And he was like, I don't know what you're walking through. Like maybe you're waiting for a child. And of course, as soon as he says that, I'm like, okay, I'm listening. And so he said that God had put it on his heart to tell me to let go of control.

And I had been wrestling with this for more than two years at this point. And I feel like that day I finally just surrendered it to God. And since that day, I've just had such a peace that I can't even explain. I could probably spend all day telling you just like little stories of ways that God has continued to show up for me and walk next to me through all this. But I'm definitely not on the other side of the valley yet. But I'm very grateful for the spiritual journey that

The Lord has taken me through. like I know him more intimately now than I ever have. And I've learned more about what it means to like really trust him. so I'm just believing in faith that he will make it good. I will be a mom one day. and I just need to let him lead through all of that.

McKenzie Smith (23:17)
Yeah, it's really good. And I just want to start by saying I'm so sorry for all the things that you have gone through in this season. And I have absolutely no understanding of what this is like and can't even begin to understand the feelings and all the things.

So I just want to start by saying that I'm sorry, because I know that this is, I don't know, but I can imagine how hard this is and have just heard so many stories about the same, same thing. And it is, you know what you're saying at the very beginning, it is big. is something that a lot of women and I'll just say like families, because, you know, when you're married, you become one like a lot of a lot of families and a lot of marriages deal with.

Loren Martin (23:43)
Yeah.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (24:11)
and I, you know, I'm glad that you shared the verses and shared the, the confusion of, know, like God says that, you know, to be fruitful and multiply, says that if children are gifts and how confusing is that? so I just want to say like, thank you for sharing those, those real.

Loren Martin (24:22)
you

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (24:35)
real feelings and real confusion and wrestling with scripture because I think that's where a lot of people, you know, a lot of people are in this.

Loren Martin (24:35)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

It's hard, Yeah, I think it is very confusing as a believer because it is a good thing that he does say he wants for us. So just trying to navigate that I think is sometimes confusing, but I think that's okay. I think it's okay.

McKenzie Smith (25:03)
Yeah.

McKenzie Smith (25:28)
 You shared towards the end there that you were thankful for God who hears your prayers and thankful for the answer from your friend at work and just her word of encouragement and then the sermon and how you were letting go of control and surrendering it to God. I would love for you to share.

Loren Martin (25:41)
you

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

you

McKenzie Smith (25:58)
with us, maybe what what that looks like for you, the letting go of control, because I think my brain goes one of two ways in this. In your mind, and this is this is just the question is in your mind, letting go of control being the IVF and the infertility journey journey, is it just, you know, giving up the and surrendering the whatever you want to do with this Lord? You know.

Loren Martin (26:11)
Mm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right.

McKenzie Smith (26:29)
Just because I think that I could see, I could see the control, not saying that IVF is control, but I could see people wrestling with that. Am I trying to control the situation by intervening on this part or, you know, I guess talk to us a little bit more about what that meant for you specifically.

Loren Martin (26:35)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right.

Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right.

Yeah, no, for sure. That's a great question. You know, at the beginning when we were deciding whether we would even do IVF, that was kind of my struggle is like, you know, if the Lord wanted this to happen, like, he would just allow it, right? You know, and should we even should we even go down this route? But I think, you know, after a lot of prayer, we we kind of decided to do it because, you know, especially being in the medical field, we for sure believe that like the

medicine is a gift from the Lord. And, but I think, you know, through this, just kind of realizing how much I was trying to control. I've always been kind of like a type A person, like, I want to plan years in advance, like we knew exactly when we were going to start trying and when, like I literally, this is going to sound crazy, but I literally would have it planned in my head, like, well, if we want this many kids, then like we should start trying.

this at this time and then by this time we would be able to have our second, you know, just planning our lives. And I think really for me just the letting go of control is kind of like what you said, like Lord do with this what you want. And more like I don't need X number of kids. I don't need a certain size house or a certain place that we need to be or

It's not these things that I've kind of planned for myself. I want what you have and actually like, you can say all you want, but like actually fully surrendering that to him and believing that his plan is better than my own was kind of a battle and like a, like a hurdle that I had to get through until like, I would actually literally just like picture laying it at its feet. like you can have it. This is what I really want, but, you know,

Ultimately, your plan is better than this. if like 10 years from now, we still don't see what we originally had planned in our mind. I know that whatever we do see at that point is going to be better than what we could have planned. And so I think really just coming to a point that you can just surrender it to him really is kind of what helped me kind of get to the piece that I have now.

McKenzie Smith (29:05)
Yeah, I think that that's really good because I think that that is so often the case. You know, we'll have kids when we have this house or whenever we make this amount of money or whenever we're this old and this is how many we have. it's like, yes, it's good for us to want and to dream about things and to be financially responsible, you know, bringing children into this world and all of those things. But we also have to understand that we're not in control of that. And I think that's

Loren Martin (29:12)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (29:35)
That's really important. I think that's thank you for answering that. That was your version of control. And I just want to say, like, if that question came off wrong in any way, like, I think it can be I think everyone has different convictions about different things. And I don't have a have a posture in one way or the other of whether if you're going through infertility, what the right answer is, because I don't know. And I think that's between you and God and what feels right in that moment.

Loren Martin (29:47)
No, no,

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (30:03)
I just know for me personally, I could see that being a means of control if it's like, really want, I really want, I'm willing to do everything within my power to, when God, yeah. And so sometimes I know people are just like,

Loren Martin (30:09)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. And we definitely struggle with that, too.

McKenzie Smith (30:24)
You know, I'm gonna just let go of everything and I'm gonna stop trying to intervene on any way and I think everyone has different thoughts there and different convictions and I don't think there's a right or wrong.

Loren Martin (30:32)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. And I will say like after that whole experience that I explained with like my friend at work and the sermon and really just feeling like I was surrendering everything we have taken, we decided to take some time off and just like take a break. And that's kind of where we are right now and just trying to like really seek the Lord and like what we should do next. For sure.

McKenzie Smith (31:04)
Yeah. So taking a pause on the IVF journey. I love, I think that's good. I think it's good to take a step back and recalibrate and see, you know, pray about it and then move forward in whatever avenue he has for you next. I would love for you to share. talked a little bit before about kind of

Loren Martin (31:08)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Great. Appreciate it.

McKenzie Smith (31:31)
even you coming on this podcast and sharing this story. I'd love for you to share a little bit more about kind of why you're here and why you're sharing this.

Loren Martin (31:33)
Yeah.

Yeah, so it's actually kind of crazy. We were talking earlier. I haven't publicly shared this whole story. And like I said, it's been it's been a long time. It's been three years. And I've just been praying like, Lord, there has to be some good in this and a reason for a lot of these things. And just praying, you know, like, I'd love for you to use it in some way. And I know there's

lot more people than we realized that probably walked through the same type of experiences. And so I honestly was just like praying the Lord would use it. And it's honestly not what I was expecting at all. But when you reach out to me about, you know, being a guest on your podcast, was like, okay, Lord, like, that's kind of wild. But yeah, if it's what you want me to do, I'm happy to do it. And so yeah, just praying and hoping that my story

resonates with someone and hopefully can be helpful to them. And of course, always open to anyone that wants to chat. We'd be happy to do that.

McKenzie Smith (32:49)
Yeah, yeah, it's we can never quite understand the reason why things happen to us. But what we can do is we can try our hardest to encourage others through our journey and what God has taught us. And so I just want to say thank you for for stepping into that and being willing to share the hard things, because I know that that is is really hard. And but I think that.

Loren Martin (32:57)
Mm-hmm.

McKenzie Smith (33:18)
you know, this is part of what God calls us to do, is to share our stories and encourage others through it. So I would love for you to share with a listener who maybe is going through a similar season, maybe has gone through a similar season, just some words of encouragement or advice.

Loren Martin (33:38)
Yeah. I would say, you know, God is right where you left him. That's what I had to realize is sometimes I felt like through this journey, like, where are you in this? But really he does, he wants you to his face and he'll meet you right where you are. He met me when I was angry and I was frustrated. He just really wants a relationship with you. And there's so much peace on the other side of that, even in the valley.

And actually I had a couple of verses that I wrote down. If it's okay to share those. But the first one is Psalm 34, 18, that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and he saves the Christian spirit. It says, many are the afflictions of the righteous and the Lord delivers them out of them all. And I've just found so much truth in that, that he is so close to you when you're in a valley and you're walking through something. He wants to comfort you through it and wants to walk with you through it.

And just like, don't know what it will look like, but I'm just trusting that it will be good because that's who he is. And then the second verse that I really kind of clung to and that I hope others can maybe use through their valleys is James 1, 2 through 4. It says, it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing.

I would say before my journey with infertility and loss, would say like this verse really perplexed me because I was like, that doesn't really make sense. You how am I going to count a joy to walk through stuff like this? But I'm just really grateful that the Lord has allowed me to see the good in the journey. I feel like he's really molding me through it. I would have never been on here doing all this without the growth that I've, you know, kind of seen through this journey. I have a deeper relationship with him. And if nothing else.

comes from this journey, other than that, knowing God on a deeper level is truly more than worth it. And so there is good, if you can just look for it. And he is there and he does care.

McKenzie Smith (35:49)
Yeah, James is one of my favorite verses and I think that there's just so much packed into that verse. So thank you for sharing both of those. I heard this on a podcast recently and just wanted to share it as...

Loren Martin (35:54)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

McKenzie Smith (36:12)
I don't know if it's encouraging, but it was something that I've never, never seen infertility and loss through this lens. But it was essentially the encouragement of like, God understands and God can sympathize with you because he lost his son too. And so if nothing else, like you have someone there who understands and who can sympathize with you because he's been through the same thing. And I was like,

Loren Martin (36:19)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's so good.

McKenzie Smith (36:41)
I never would have put those two things together. And so if you, you what?

Loren Martin (36:46)
I was honestly thinking about that. I was honestly thinking about that the other day. Yes, I've experienced a loss of my child, but God willingly gave his for me. What kind of love is that? I can't even fathom that. So yeah, that's incredibly true. That's so good.

McKenzie Smith (37:08)
Yeah, just, it's like, you know that, you know, biblically. Like it's like, yes, of course. But I think since it's a father and it's a miscarriage and it's the mom, you know, we don't always attach those two maybe quite as easily. But I just, just wanted to throw that in there as like, God, God can sympathize. He's there for you. He's been through the same thing. Like talk to him, take it to him.

Loren Martin (37:20)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

sure.

McKenzie Smith (37:38)
And kind of on that on that same note, I would love to ask you the question of for a listener who maybe is in community with somebody who's struggling with the same thing or has gone through a similar similar experience, what, how can how can we show up and love on the person going through this the best?

Loren Martin (37:39)
Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I think it sometimes can be really hard. A lot of people are like, you know, you don't know what to say. but I think it's really less about what you say and just kind of like you said, just the support, just like reaching out. I've had, I've been very, very blessed with a community of some amazing friends that will check on me. Just like, what do you need for me today? Like, do you have a friend too that like, she's always like, do you need to hear like the truth or do you need some support today? Like, what is it that you need? And just showing up.

for them. Like there's nothing that you can say or do to fix it. Like you want to take the pain away, but you can't. But I think just knowing that you're there and you're able to hear them and listen to them and then just point them back to Jesus. I think it can be really easy to get kind of bogged down in it and kind of let the enemy get in your head, which is exactly what he wants to use this season to do. And just point them back to Jesus and how much he loves them and how much you know, their pain is not a punishment and it's not

coming from him, I think is the biggest thing that has been super helpful. Just kind of redirect my thinking whenever I kind of lose sight of that.

McKenzie Smith (39:15)
Yeah, so show up. Don't try to have all the answers. Just be there. Mourn with them and listen. Did I get it right? Okay.

Loren Martin (39:18)
Yep. Just be there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. For sure. think. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah.

McKenzie Smith (39:28)
I just wanted to like recap it in my mind and say it out loud so that it's locked and loaded. Well, Loren, again, thank you so much for just sharing. know that this is a pretty still, you fresh, fresh season for you. And just thank you for being obedient to the Lord and the calling of even showing up here and sharing your story and just for being vulnerable and

Loren Martin (39:30)
Yeah.

Love it.

McKenzie Smith (39:54)
hopefully encouraging some women, because I know there's a lot of them that go through this similar thing. And so this is a new topic for this podcast. And so I know it's going to be helpful for somebody. And so I just want to say thank you.

Loren Martin (40:03)
Thank

Yeah, thank you for having me and thank you for, you know, creating a place like this where people can come and hopefully hear and grow from these stories. That's amazing.

McKenzie Smith (40:16)
Yeah, yeah, thank you. So for a listener who wants to maybe follow along with you, check out your blog, Where Can They Find You?

Loren Martin (40:25)
Yeah, so you can connect with me either on Instagram, my handle is at locatinglow or my website is locatinglow.com. So I would absolutely love to hear from any listeners that may or may not be walking through this. I would love to chat with you.

McKenzie Smith (40:42)
Yeah, well again, thank you so much for being here and sharing your story.

Loren Martin (40:46)
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.