077 - I Didn't Want People to Know I Was A Christian with Lauren Hostetler

In this episode  Lauren Hostetler, a registered nurse and founder of Moe Mountains, a Montana-based business that leads women-only backpacking trips shares her journey from Ohio to the mountains of Montana, where she combines her love for the outdoors with her faith to create transformative experiences for women. Discover how Lauren's personal valleys have shaped her mission to foster community and connection in the wilderness, and hear her insights on finding peace and purpose in nature. Join us for an inspiring conversation about faith, adventure, and the power of women supporting each other.

Connect with Lauren -  @lauren_hostetler_   /Moe Mountains instagram: @moemountains  /Website: moemountains.com  /Facebook: Moe Mountains /Email: info@moemountains.com

Transcript

McKenzie Piland (00:01.612)
On today's episode of My Valley, His Victory, have Lauren Hostetler. She's a registered nurse, backpacking guide, and founder of Moe Mountains, a Montana-based business that leads women-only backpacking trips designed to spark adventure, restoration, and connection. Her faith and love for the outdoors have carried her through some of life's toughest seasons, and now she's passionate about creating sacred spaces in the wilderness where women can step away from the noise, reconnect with themselves, and support one another.

Lauren believes powerful things happen when women show up for each other and she feels honored to guide women outdoors where she believes they can feel truly anchored, embraced and restored in God's presence. Thanks so much for being with us today, Lauren.

Lauren Hostetler (00:44.546)
Kenzie, thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

McKenzie Piland (00:47.448)
Yes, absolutely. I know we originally connected over backpacking and all things outdoors. And so I know that I have been really excited to learn more about your business and just all the things you're doing in the outdoor space and love that you're bringing in the faith aspect of that. So just kudos to you for doing that. I think that's super valuable and important. And yeah, so just like share with us a little bit more about you, about Mo mountains and all the things.

Lauren Hostetler (01:15.424)
Yeah, so I am originally from Ohio and as you may know, Ohio is very flat. There's no mountains, the outdoor activities are like going to the lake and going on little camping trips, you know. But my parents were always very passionate about getting us outside. So my brothers and I, grew up going outside. We grew up going on camping trips and...

In the summer, you know, my family would go on vacation and my dad loved the West. So he would always bring us out West. And once I saw mountains, I was a goner. I was like, what are these things? They're amazing. It's so pretty out here. It looks like a different world. And that just always stuck in my mind. And so when I got old enough to I'm a nurse by trade and so I started doing travel nursing, came out West.

and just started traveling all around and eventually ended up in Bozeman, Montana, which is where I've been living now for the past nine years. Met my husband here. I'm still nursing and three years ago just felt called to do something that has a lot of, or just more purpose. I love nursing. I don't know that I'll ever get out of it, but it's not.

what I was like put on this earth to do and so just started to pray and seek out some mentorship and help and wisdom and Mo Mountains was born three years ago so yeah.

McKenzie Piland (02:54.104)
Yeah. Yeah. So share with us just, you know, in a nutshell, what is Moe Mountains? Who is the ideal person to go on one of your trips and just like, what, what does it include and where do you take them?

Lauren Hostetler (03:07.412)
Yeah, so Mo Mountains is a business that I started and we teach and take women on backpacking trips. So I'm really passionate about helping make the outdoors more accessible to women. I think, you know, women can be, can get intimidated easily, you know, they might have a ton of friends that want to go backpacking, but it's a lot. It's a lot to learn what gear you need.

You know, just how you do different things in the woods and where you go and safety and all those things. And so I love getting women together. I've always been the friend that like gathers the girls. And so there's a huge aspect of community in this business where it's women coming from all over the country, gathering together and going on a backpacking trip. And before the trip,

I'm very involved in their prep. So each woman gets access to an eight week prep course where we talk about all the things, all the things like what happens if we see a bear, what clothes should I bring, what clothes should I not bring? Cause that's just as important. You know, what food should I pack? Like what happens if I have to go to the bathroom? Like all of those things. So I really hold their hand in the prep phase and then

McKenzie Piland (04:20.588)
Alright.

Lauren Hostetler (04:34.188)
We have, we gather together, have an orientation of sorts where we help the women pack and we give out gear because we can rent anybody gear. And then we go into the mountains together. So our trips are like from a Thursday to a Sunday. And yeah, it's just, it's just been a really rewarding thing, really fun. A fun girls weekend that is unlike many girls weekends that are out there.

Ha

McKenzie Piland (05:04.226)
Yeah. Okay, so the ideal person is maybe someone who's never been backpacking before wants to get started, doesn't know where to start, and you kind of help break down those barriers and then take them on their first trip.

Lauren Hostetler (05:16.95)
Yeah, I would say the majority of women who come, they've either gone on a couple and they want to sharpen their skills or they've never done it before. I have had, a good number of women who have a ton of experience, but they just don't have a community to do it with. So there's those women who are like, I know what I am doing. I have my full gear set up. I've gone to some really cool places, but none of my friends want to do it. So it's like, it's just like a turnkey group where you can just pop in.

and have a bunch of sisters that are doing the same activity with you. And always every single time after the trips, there are new friendships that are made and they walk away, they're all exchanging their numbers and everything. So then like that kind of like rolls into future adventures for them too. So I do get a lot of beginners because I am really passionate about helping to educate, but there are a fair number of veterans as well. Yeah, yeah.

McKenzie Piland (06:10.594)
Yeah, and are all the trips in Montana.

Lauren Hostetler (06:13.87)
So far, yes, all the trips have been in Montana. So we mostly go into Yellowstone, into Yellowstone, and then we go into the Beartooth Mountains, which is right outside of Red Lodge, Montana. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (06:28.226)
Okay. Okay. Very cool. Very cool. I know we will share how to find all of that at the very end, but that sounds so cool. you know, I'm just always passionate about, I'm passionate about the same thing. You know, I'm someone who didn't grow up in the outdoors. And so having resources to provide to people that, you know, want to get started in certain things are always helpful to have. Even if, you know, someone listening is a avid backpacker, if they know people that are trying to get into it, this is definitely something that I think would, would be good for them.

So at what point did you start backpacking? At what age?

Lauren Hostetler (07:01.716)
Yeah, so my first backpacking trip was in college, which now was 15 or 16 years ago, somewhere around there. Yeah, was college. was freshman year. Before nursing school, I went to a one-year Bible school in Montana, and that's where my love of Bozeman in Montana came from.

McKenzie Piland (07:08.186)
You

Lauren Hostetler (07:27.306)
is the school was up near the Bob Marshall wilderness, which is like Northern Montana. But anyways, I knew that I wanted to take a year to just like figure out my faith, solidify my faith for myself before going off into doing a really hard thing in nursing school. So I spent a year in Montana and part of their orientation was to take us on a backpacking trip. It was hilarious. Like we're kids from like all over the country.

They gave us a list of gear to buy and I had no idea what I was doing. I like got stuff off of Amazon and I was like, okay, this looks good. get this. I guess this is it. So just kind of threw together, you know, some gear and we were off and it was so fun. I just remember being like, I like this a lot. Like there's, you know, there's some hard spots and there was some miserable times.

McKenzie Piland (08:16.546)
haha

Lauren Hostetler (08:26.048)
of heat and you know, but I just remember being like, this is so much fun. like, so then after that, I slowly started working and building my own gear and you know, getting a better setup and all of that. So, but yeah, that was the first thing.

McKenzie Piland (08:43.032)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, that's College, college, baby. So out of, you know, the backpacking trips that you've been on in the last 15 years, where is one of your favorite trails that comes to mind whenever you think about think about a special place?

Lauren Hostetler (08:49.482)
Yeah!

Lauren Hostetler (09:04.252)
man.

I think, because I just keep going back, I think the Beartooths are one of my favorite spots. It's kind of like Glacier, but it's off the map more. There's no crowds, there's no permits. It's stunning. It's just so incredibly beautiful. There's such healthy mountains. I've seen wildlife.

in almost on every trip that I've gone into the Beartooth and I just keep going back. So I think the Beartooth are my favorite so far. So far. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (09:43.958)
Okay, okay. I have to ask because you're in Montana, have you run into any grizzly bears? And if someone's listening that's terrified to backpack in bear country, what's a piece of advice you would give them?

Lauren Hostetler (09:57.266)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have seen grizzlies not while I'm backpacking or even hiking from the car a safe distance. Yeah, I've never seen a grizzly and like we've I mean, we're, know, obviously in grizzly country. One of the ranges that my husband and I love to go to is the Madison range and they are kind of known for their grizzlies. mean, I think this was

McKenzie Piland (10:05.461)
wow.

Lauren Hostetler (10:22.614)
a number of years ago, but I was told that it was the highest concentration of grizzlies and then lower 48 was where we were at. Didn't see anything. So yes, I've seen grizzlies. I've definitely seen a lot of black bears while backpacking. And that is a valid concern. I mean, that's one of the biggest concerns of the women that I take backpacking. And so what I tell them is like,

they're not interested in having an encounter with you either. So like they're not, you know, looking and gonna grab you out of your tent and ruin your day that way. They don't want an interaction. you know, as long as you're following the safety protocols that, you know, the National Forest has in place, you're gonna be just fine. And that's been my experience for, you know, 15 plus years is we've been just fine.

McKenzie Piland (10:57.562)
You

McKenzie Piland (11:16.964)
Yeah.

Lauren Hostetler (11:19.488)
And every encounter that we've had with bears has been so cool. And so I try to just kind of flip their mindset on that instead of being terrified to see one, be like, you know, what if we get to see a bear? And we actually, had our first trip of season three in Mo Mountains happened this weekend and they got to see a bear. And that was the highlight of their trip. Some of them were really scared about that.

But that was the first thing they told me when they came home. They like whipped out their cameras and they're like, look, we got to see a bear and like she had a cub and like all this stuff. so it's, and I try like, like framing it like it's such a gift. It's such a gift to see God's creation and to see, you know, these animals that are so powerful and so beautiful. and it's, I think it's a little God wink when we get to see some wildlife. So, yeah.

McKenzie Piland (12:16.8)
very good perspective. I may be asked that question for myself.

Lauren Hostetler (12:23.694)
It's okay. I know.

McKenzie Piland (12:24.172)
I'm always like, I don't want to see one. I don't want to see one. I don't want to see one. Don't. Like, like I know you're there, but I'm good. Like just, just hide in your little den and leave me alone.

Lauren Hostetler (12:35.688)
I know, it's an adrenaline rush for sure, you know, it's an adrenaline rush, but...

McKenzie Piland (12:39.808)
Yeah, my goodness. Okay, well you just touched on it a little bit, but I would love for you to share just kind of how being in the outdoors, being out on these adventures plays a role specifically in your relationship with Christ.

Lauren Hostetler (12:52.942)
It plays a really huge role for me, actually. So, I don't know, like this world is just so full of noise and distractions and things like grabbing our attention. Our nervous systems are just on overdrive. Like, the majority of us are just tapped out and just like high cortisol, walking around. And so that doesn't happen when I'm in nature.

Being in nature, losing cell phone service on this thing is the most peace that I have ever felt. There's lots of tabs that can be opened in our mind and they're all closed when we're in nature, when I'm in nature. I always like to bring my Bible and a journal when I go backpacking because my brain is just so much more alive and I feel like

I can hear God so much more clear in nature. Because he doesn't yell at us. He always is a whisper and a calm voice. so, you know, there's been so many times when I'm dealing with, or in the past, when I've been dealing with hard situations, whether that's at work or with different relationships or different life circumstances, or I don't know what to do. If I...

get myself out of cell phone service and go for a walk in the woods. My mind is just clearer. I'm calmer. And it's really cool because like science is catching up to like what God already put in place. And I was just reading an article the other day where it was saying how walking helps your brain like process trauma. Just that like one foot in front of the other.

And just that motion like really helps our bodies relax and our cortisol drop and our blood pressure drop. And it's like, God, I already knew that. And he already made creation. So well to support our health, it's just it's so cool. It's like one of my favorite things when I when I read articles like that, I'm like, God, look at you. Like you're so he's so kind, he's so kind. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (15:14.509)
Hahaha

McKenzie Piland (15:19.354)
Yeah, yeah, that's good. The tabs are closed and we are just... Yeah, yeah, it brings us back. He's not gonna yell.

He's that still small voice that you have to quiet the noise to hear. But yeah, I feel like I talk about that all the time that, you know, if anytime I'm having a hard time, one of the best things I can do is move my body because if I just sit on the couch, I feel stuck in whatever I am in. If I lay in bed, whatever the situation, I'm stagnant. Therefore my mind is stagnant and I feel stuck. The minute I get up and I get moving, I'm like, there's possibility. There's positivity. There's, know,

There's hope, there's something like, because there's motion. so, yeah, so true. It's all good things, all good things. I would love for you to share a story, a specific story about a way in which maybe God has spoken to you or revealed himself to you through the outdoors.

Lauren Hostetler (16:17.814)
man. Well, the first story that comes to mind is on my first backpacking trip, actually. There was an evening, or maybe it was morning, I don't remember, it doesn't matter. There was a time on the backpacking trip where everyone wanted to go off and do a little day hike.

And I was like, guys, I'm just going to like, I just wasn't feeling it. I was like, I'm going to stay at camp. I just need to chill. And so I stayed at camp and there was like this little like hill that was like in the distance. And I just felt like I was like, I think, I think I should climb that. Like, I think I should just like go up there and just like hang out for a little bit. And it was really, it was really cool. Like I got myself up.

up in the hill and I was just like sitting there just looking over like just the mountains at like 360 view of mountains. It was so peaceful and I think it was, I think it was like at night because I remember the sun was kind of going down and I just was like I don't know it was a time where I feel like it was one of those times where you're like at a crossroads of like

am I gonna follow God and trust Him, like thoroughly trust Him? Or am I gonna live life on my own terms? And like I said, I had taken myself to this Bible school to figure that out. And I just remember being like, God, I'm gonna trust you. I'm gonna trust you with my life. I don't know what that means yet fully when I'm saying that, but.

McKenzie Piland (18:03.332)
haha

Lauren Hostetler (18:06.712)
but I am gonna trust you." And I looked down and I thought, I might still have it somewhere. And there was like this like perfectly like heart shaped rock, like perfectly in a heart. And I was just like, that's for me. Like that's for me. Like it was a really, I don't know. It just like, it sounds like, you know, a little like sillier, whatever, but like that was a really cool moment. And...

McKenzie Piland (18:22.038)
Hahaha

Lauren Hostetler (18:34.478)
I'm sure I have that rock still somewhere. And that rock actually ended up turning up later in my life, which I'm sure we'll talk about. yeah, that was just, I don't know. I haven't told that story. I don't think I've ever told that story actually. And that was the first one that came to mind. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (18:51.002)
No, that's yeah. Hey, that's okay. It's cool. It's like you, if you wouldn't have, you know, stayed back at camp, if you wouldn't have, you know, had that prompting on your heart to go and like to that little hill and just sit there and, know, spend time. You would have never, never gotten that got gotten that little gift. And so yeah, that's so, so sweet. And just that I really, I'm a firm believer of like that was there for you.

in that moment and just it's so funny the ways that God shows up. just it can be a little rock or it can be a ray of sunshine or it can be you know an actual voice like you know I've had people that are like I heard something like you know and so it's just it's always cool to just hear like the different things and just you know being intentional to see those and just having that little gift and holding on to those little moments because

The big moments are great, but some of those smaller, just little Godwinks are really crucial to keep us on step too. So thank you so much for sharing. So I know you live in Bozeman, which I wouldn't consider a big city, but obviously we can't be out in the mountains every day. We can't be on these big backpacking trips. So I would love for you to share just kind of how

Lauren Hostetler (19:57.452)
Yeah. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (20:13.186)
someone can start connecting with God through his creation on an everyday basis or maybe an example of a way that you connect with him every day.

Lauren Hostetler (20:22.06)
Yeah, yeah, it's totally, I mean like, it's not realistic for me to get out into nature losing cell service every single day, like I just don't. And so, you know, just getting myself outside every day looks like me taking my dogs on a walk. Like we've got two dogs and...

man, there are some days I don't want to take them on a walk because I'm like, my to-do list is so long and like I'm in a role. Like I just got to keep going. But like that's the highlight of their day and they're my babies. And so I'm always like, okay, I gotta take them on a walk. Every time after that walk, I feel so much better. Like we live in a little neighborhood, there's cement everywhere. It's not like very nature-y or whatever, but there is power in getting yourself outside in the sunshine.

hearing birds, know, we're talking about like scientific studies, like there was one they did and birds, bird songs, when you listen to bird songs for like six seconds, it like shifts you into that like rest and relaxation state in your brain. So like listening to birds and just hearing them, you know, that, that helps a ton. Something else that I've been doing is there's a,

Bible, there's an app and they'll like read scripture every day and so like some mornings I'll put my earphones in and go for a walk around my neighborhood and just like listen to scripture and listen to like what the devotional is for the day and I've really loved that too especially if I can get out first thing in the morning because there's something special about like that first morning light. So that's like realistically

daily what I do to get outside. When I have a little bit more time, I love taking my dogs to just like a dog park that is like a bigger, like more nature, like trees and all of that. And so that's a couple minutes away from our house. So that's, and that's a special treat for them too. So that's like when I have a little bit more time. And then when I have the most time, there are certain trails that are like within like 20, 30 minutes of our house that I can go to.

Lauren Hostetler (22:38.382)
So if I have like a couple hours, I'm like, ooh, I'm going to go do a really quick hike. And that's just so refreshing. So refreshing. Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (22:42.969)
Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (22:46.904)
Yeah, yeah, what's the app?

Lauren Hostetler (22:50.382)
It's called, let me see, Lectio 365. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been good. So they have readings for every single day. And it's been really cool. And then they read a prayer too. So I've really been enjoying it, yeah.

McKenzie Piland (22:58.328)
Okay, Lectio 365.

McKenzie Piland (23:06.509)
Okay.

McKenzie Piland (23:15.182)
Yeah, yeah, cool. That's always like you said, the first bit of morning, it's always like for me, it's like put in God before I put in the world. Like, and then your brain is like set on the correct frequency for the day versus like just getting caught up in the world right away when I wake up and scrolling social media or something, you know, it's like days are so much better when you start them in truth and then just focusing on what's truly important. And so if that is as simple as, you know,

Lauren Hostetler (23:28.782)
Yeah.

Lauren Hostetler (23:32.226)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lauren Hostetler (23:41.59)
Yeah, no, totally.

McKenzie Piland (23:44.762)
pushing play on something and just hearing it, then that's awesome too. I think we can overcome, okay, we gotta sit down, we gotta do our quiet time for 30 minutes. No, I'm in a rush this morning, unfortunately, that is the state that I am in, but I can still push play on a two minute thing while I brush my teeth or when I'm driving in my car or making coffee, whatever the case may be. So very, very, very helpful.

Lauren Hostetler (24:09.486)
Yeah. And there are, there, are some mornings where, like I mentioned, I still work as a nurse. And so there are some mornings where I have to be at work at 5 45, like not leave at five, like be there. So there are some mornings where I'm like rolling out of bed, going, getting going. And so like, I have to like worship music. Like I cannot, a couple of years ago, actually I stopped listening to pop and like secular.

music. I still listen to country. I love country and I feel like it's pretty, it's pretty clean. But I listen to country and Christian music and like I love starting my day with music. You know, there's scripture woven in in the lyrics and there's just so many good truths. So at the very least, like worst case, I'm rolling out of bed and going to work.

it's like worship music on the way to work is yeah, yeah.

McKenzie Piland (25:12.182)
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Lauren, switching gears to the title of this podcast, My Valley is Victory. I would love for you to share a valley or season of wilderness that you experienced and just what God maybe taught you or prepared you for in that season.

Lauren Hostetler (25:17.71)
Okay.

Lauren Hostetler (25:29.994)
Yeah, so I think probably the biggest valley was when I was a junior in college. I was in nursing school at the time and I was it was the summer between my junior and senior year and I was out in Montana. I was working at a summer camp out here as on staff and I.

I was the Wrangler, so I was in charge of their horse program. And we were going to go on a ride that night. We typically would take the campers on a night ride once a week, and they loved it. It was like the highlight, whatever. I was getting ready for that night ride and a storm rolls in. And you know, in the mountains, stuff blows through fast, rolls in, rolls out. And so we were like, let's just give it 15, 20 minutes, like the storm will pass.

And so I was waiting for the storm to pass walking around and one of the staff members comes up and goes Lauren I Need you to come to the office your dad's on the phone and it doesn't sound good and So I was like, okay so I go go to the office pick up the phone and My dad was like Hey, Lauren, are you are you sitting down? And I was like, well what what what's what's going on?

And he goes, your mom died tonight. And I was like, what? What? She's healthy. She's 48 years old. Like no issues, no health issues, nothing. And so what happened? We live in the country in Ohio and on our street, there's no sidewalks or anything. And my parents would take a walk every single night. So she was on.

their nightly walk. Thank goodness, by the way, my dad didn't go with her. It was just her that night. And a high school student was drunk and he was high and he hit her and killed her immediately. And so that my life changed in a couple seconds, very, very drastically. And...

Lauren Hostetler (27:52.522)
Thankfully, I mean, there's so many, like there's so many details that I could share, but one of the biggest ones was my brother had just flown out to that camp where I was at and he had just landed a couple hours prior to me getting this phone call. And the reason he was there was so that I wouldn't have to be alone and we could hear the news together. He had flown out there to replace another staff member who had gotten injured. And so my brother was going to help fill his spot and work.

the rest of the summer. But basically he flew in, landed, came to the camp. He hadn't even unpacked before my dad called. So we got put back. We drove back to Billings and got put on a plane and you know, I finished out the summer at home. But that was big. That was a big change of plans that they were not welcome or expected.

So yeah.

McKenzie Piland (28:53.974)
Yeah. Yeah. I would love for you to just continue on with just the story of like what life looked like from there and just, you know, what, what came out of that, that situation and that season and just, yeah, just continue.

Lauren Hostetler (29:12.6)
Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, so, you know, I grew up in a Christian home. So I had a relationship with God at the time. My parents were both saved. My mom was a Christian. So like she's home now. And I was, so I was a junior in college, about to be a senior in college. And by no one's fault, like I grew up in a really good church that taught truth.

But I somehow came away with this idea that you follow the rules and things go well for you. And I was like the ultimate rule follower. Like I was such a good Sunday school girl. Like I never say any bad words. I like went to church every, you know, once, twice a week. Like I was, I was going to a Christian college for my nursing school. Like I was following, I'm the first born. So like follow rules.

So I was really confused and really angry when this happened. I was like, God, what the heck? Like I've done all these things. I've been good. My mom was an amazing person. Like there are some mothers out there that are horrible, horrible. Like why would you not take them? Why did you take my mom? You know, lots of emotions. And for the first year, I was actually, I was okay. You know, it was hard.

for sure, the first of everything stung really hard. Her birthday, Christmas, my birthday, know, all the milestones were really painful that first year. But we had such a good community around us, such a good church, such good extended family that's extremely close. And so we were so upheld that first year. Everyone continually checking in on us.

So for me, the first year wasn't the struggle. It was years two, three, four, five, when people, didn't forget, but they kind of moved on. You know, it wasn't in their face every day. And I, after I graduated nursing school, I moved back home with my dad. And that's when it really started to get hard because I was in the house.

Lauren Hostetler (31:35.726)
didn't hear her voice, didn't see her car going in and out of the driveway. just, it was really, I just was really struck with like, mom is gone and she's not coming back. So I stayed home for about a year and in that year I just got really, really angry. Just angry at God, angry at the situation. And I decided to do travel nursing. So I moved away.

And when I moved away, was like, I felt this sense of freedom of where I was like, no one, I'm not under my dad's roof anymore. No one is going to bother me if I don't go to church. I can live life on my own terms and I can do what I want. And like, nobody's here to say anything. So that's when it really, my life got a lot darker. I moved out to California and I remember thinking like, I don't want anybody to know I'm a Christian.

Like I'm going to live my life like I'm not a Christian and I don't have God in my life. And that's exactly what I did. mean, my speaking changed a lot, my language, you know, I, it definitely could have been worse, but I got into a lot of partying. You know, my friend circles were not the best and I was just living life. I was calling the shots and just living.

living and doing whatever I wanted. I blew a lot of money. And so it was just like, it was a couple of years of that, of just me living life on my own terms and doing, going wherever the wind blew me. And it was, you know, it was fine. It was fine for a few years. And then I remember one day, it was a Sunday afternoon.

McKenzie Piland (33:07.682)
You

Lauren Hostetler (33:33.656)
and I was sitting on the floor of my apartment and I was hung over, feeling horrible. And I was like, is this it? Like, is this like the big, like, this is what my life's gonna be? It's just like this circle of just like working Monday through Friday, then partying on the weekends and getting sick, then recovering, then going back. Like, there's no like purpose and direction and there's no fulfillment in that. And I'm not getting,

I'm not getting sharper. like, I was just like, this is meaningless. Like it wasn't all bad. mean, it was fun, know, a lot, a lot of memories. So, you know, some, some fun stuff with friends. But there was no like deep purpose and satisfaction. And in fact, I had more anxiety living life like that. I had more anger.

than ever before. And it was just dark. Like it was just a dark time. And so, you know, growing up in the church, having the Holy Spirit in me, I knew, I knew what the right action was to get me out of that. I knew what I had to do to reconnect with God and my faith. I wasn't ready to go back to church and I actually didn't go back to church for a couple years.

but I started reading my Bible again. And something that my mom always said, she was like, she was so wise. And something that she always told people was, when you're not feeling good, go to the Psalms and stay in the Psalms until you feel better. Like there's no pressure to be like doing all these Bible studies and blah, blah, blah, like Psalms.

And so I remember that advice and I was like, okay, I can read Psalms. Like I'm still pretty mad at God and like, I don't know what he's doing, but like I can read a Psalms a day. So that's, that's what I started to do. And slowly over a year, year and a half, God just softened my heart. He is so patient and he didn't force me to come back and like do all the things, you know, he just gently brought me back.

Lauren Hostetler (35:57.826)
and our relationship is so much stronger now. It's like a couple that goes through a really hard time in their marriage. When you work through that, you're so much stronger and you're so much more fortified. And I feel the same way with God. I was very honest with him. I've said words to him that I thought I would get struck down by lightning singing before. But he knows it. Who are we kidding?

I just I have such a deeper deeper relationship with him because of that really really hard valley so even though like I'm not sure that I would say I would I would want to go through it again I'm really grateful I did and I can see him still even to this day I mean she she died back in 2009 so I'm not good at math I don't even know what was a 15

year somewhere, 2009, 15, 16 years. Yeah. Her, her anniversary is actually coming up in a couple of weeks. was, it was July. Yeah. It was July 23rd. Um, so 16 years later, he is still working through that and still, um, just bringing people to him because of, because of that horrible, horrible thing that happened. Like,

McKenzie Piland (37:00.858)
16 years ago?

McKenzie Piland (37:05.59)
Okay, so it'll be 16.

Lauren Hostetler (37:25.198)
He went, you know, like the gospel wins. So even though it was a horrible thing and God still has power over that whole situation. So yeah, yeah.

McKenzie Piland (37:39.778)
Yeah, one, thank you just so much for sharing. I, you know, I always say on these, I can't really, you know, I have, you know, both my parents in this situation, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose one of them. And so I'm just really sorry that that happened. But I think it's always so.

Lauren Hostetler (37:42.893)
No.

McKenzie Piland (38:05.974)
I feel bad using the word cool, but it's just so cool to hear how, you know, because I was talking to someone about this recently, like so many people can go through the same situation and they can come up with a bunch of different conclusions, you know, and they can come up with a bunch of different...

circumstances and you know all of that and so just for you to you know just lean on God and to really sharpen that relationship because you know maybe in college you you know it's easy to trust God whenever you've lived a pretty good life you know and so it's like whenever the rubber meets the road and things start to shift you know it's like

that ground shaky or is it stable and to be able to now stand, know solidly on on the truth and on him and to feel confident in that relationship, you know that maybe maybe you didn't have before I Think it's really

Or I go back to what you said whenever you kind of moved out of your hometown and you were kind of like, I can be whoever I want to be and I don't want anyone to know I'm a Christian. What was the like internal battle like with that? Because I feel like, you know, you were at a Bible college. That was a lot of who you were.

Did you ever not believe in God or were you just like, I'm going to keep this part of my life a secret?

Lauren Hostetler (39:45.934)
Hmm, yeah, no, that's a really good question. And that actually kind of ties into what we were talking about earlier with just nature and all that. I, in the beginning, I think I still believed in God. Like, you know, year two, three after she died, I still believed.

But I was just angry. I was just really mad and I just felt like justified in my anger with all the things that I was doing like like there were some nights I was I made some really really poor choices and put myself in some really dangerous situations and I was just like, you know, my brain got Holy Spirit, whatever you want to like I was like this isn't good. But like I don't care because I am so mad that like

I deserve this, which is like so foolish. anyways, but there was there was a time where I truly questioned my faith and I was just like, you know what? Like, I don't know, like we why like why we believe this whole like book like some some guy could have just gotten together and like put it together. And there was a time I remember thinking, I think my parents were in a cult, like I think they were fooled.

And I think they told me like, I've been fooled and I don't know that any of this is real. it wasn't like, and that wasn't coming from a place of like anger that was coming from like truly like trying to like figure things out. But the one thing that I couldn't get over was creation. Like I couldn't get over the nature and just how much order there is in nature and how much

beauty there was and how things just like they just all fit together and like nature is so on purpose it was like I couldn't explain that away and so yeah kind of you know that kind of goes back to like one of your earlier questions that God's fingerprints are all over nature and it's very hard to deny that especially when when you have the Holy Spirit in you so

Lauren Hostetler (42:01.004)
Yeah, yeah, that's what brought me back.

McKenzie Piland (42:04.246)
Yeah, yeah, no, thank you for sharing that. just, you know, there's whenever people go through a hard time, I feel like usually there's there's deconstruction, you know, that happens and there's questioning and there's there's usually a questioning of faith. And, you know, I didn't know whenever you were sharing, you know, I didn't want to know Christian if you were if you just wanted to kind of be free and be your own person and have a new identity or.

you know, or if you were actually, you know, questioning those things. And so I appreciate you sharing, sharing the honest thoughts and the peace even that maybe like held, held you to it in those hard times of questioning everything. And yeah, it's, it's hard to see nature and think, oh yeah, this was just a big accident. I would love for you to share, you know, just

Lauren Hostetler (42:50.668)
Right, right.

McKenzie Piland (42:59.898)
a little bit about, and it could be a word of encouragement or a piece of advice, but maybe just expand also a little bit on how you've reconciled the, follow the rules and God, or and good will come. I know that that is something that...

A lot of people believe and you know, there's there's a little bit of foundation for that in scripture of you know, but just like yeah how you've how you've maybe corrected that belief and how you've you you said it was a flaw in your understanding just maybe like how you've you've come to understand that piece.

Lauren Hostetler (43:45.57)
Yeah, yeah. It's funny because our small group from our church, we've been meeting for like six years and we just finished studying first John and there was a chapter in there and I don't even remember which one it was but I just remember thinking one of those nights like I see where we kind of get the like follow the rules and good will come. Like there are a lot of like consequences to like when we go outside of God's, you know.

McKenzie Piland (44:12.398)
Yeah.

Lauren Hostetler (44:14.378)
his rules or his guidance, whatever you want to call it. So I can easily see how like growing up I latched on to that and was like, it's an easy formula. Like you do this, then this happens. But I think, you know, I don't know that anybody has the answer. And if they did, they probably would be very rich and be selling lots of books on that. But

The way that I kind of reconcile it is like God uses hard times and trials to sharpen us. And you know, we live in a fallen world, so bad things are going to happen. Like he's not going to protect us from every single thing. But we also don't know in the greater scheme of it.

how it's going to weave together to bring people to him. Like one example from my mom, my mom's tragedy. So many people in our extended family have come to know the Lord because of her death. Like people that if she was still alive and saw that like, holy cow, like they became Christians, like never, never in a million years would she think, you know, so like he is using that.

And I don't know, like I heard it said once that like, if you could figure God out, like you don't have much of a God. And so like, there's not a lot of things that, you know, I can like explain perfectly, but I think it comes down to a deep trust and which kind of like ties all the way back to that story that I shared about that rock. Like one day when I was at my house, way after my mom died,

I was going through some of my stuff and I found that rock in my room in my old dresser. And I think that was like, not like a covenant, like kind of like a covenant between me and God, but, like a commitment where I was like, truly God, I trust you. And I think that you can trace back every single thing to trust. Like, how do you trust him in this? And how do you trust him in that? And

Lauren Hostetler (46:41.962)
And for me, there's a huge valley in my life that I have to trust him. I can see pieces that come out that are like, okay, God, like I see, like you were working that way and you were working this way and you brought good out of this. But there's still, I'm never gonna get the whole story until I see him and be like, okay, what was like the whole big takeaway? And like, why did you let me do that? So there's a whole piece that I have to trust him with.

And there's a piece that I have to sit with where it's like, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. I don't know why he lets, you know, all this suffering happen and why he lets some of his people suffer in this way. But I was just reading actually in James this morning in my quiet time. And it was James one, two, two to four.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. So like, yeah, it's so good. The whole book of James is so good. But you know, like he never, he never.

McKenzie Piland (47:55.096)
one of my favorite scriptures.

Lauren Hostetler (48:06.75)
never once in this book does he promise us that follow A plus B and C will happen. And so, you know, in fact, like there's sometimes like the testing of your faith, like it will, it will come, but it will produce perseverance. And I want to be a person that doesn't lack anything. Like that sounds, that sounds pretty, pretty cool, pretty peaceful.

and just kind of like the ultimate like arrival, like if you could be in your faith, not lacking anything that is, that's the ultimate. so I don't know. I don't know if that answered your question at all, but it's like, I don't have, I don't have like a, a huge Tiffany, but yeah.

McKenzie Piland (48:46.948)
Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (48:56.694)
No, no, I think that that's good. mean, I think that you said, you know, there's pieces that you've seen that have been good that have come out of it. There's still a lot of it, a lot of it that you struggle with and pieces that don't make sense. But if it all made sense and we had all the answers, then we wouldn't need faith, you know? And so I think that that is.

That is a great answer and that is, you know, the threads that you can see, those are awesome to hold on to, to kind of help even bolster the missing pieces and to be able to trust the missing pieces, you know. Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's good and I appreciate you sharing that verse. It's one of my favorite verses and, you know, I think that, you know,

Lauren Hostetler (49:37.923)
Good.

McKenzie Piland (49:41.338)
It says like there's gonna be testing of your faith and like there's going to be things that make us question and you know, it's up to us to to To figure out what to do there and We're either gonna it's either gonna prove that we trust God or it's gonna prove that we don't But yeah, no, I appreciate that

Lauren Hostetler (50:01.422)
Right,

McKenzie Piland (50:05.61)
I would love for you to leave a listener with a word of advice or a piece of encouragement. Maybe if they're going through a similar season, maybe they've had a tragedy in their life that they just, you know, they can't see how God would let that happen or, you know, they're just really struggling with, yeah, with just making sense of a tragedy. I'd love for you to give them a word of advice or a piece of encouragement.

Lauren Hostetler (50:32.812)
Yeah, so I remember I was in the thick of just a really hard time after my mom passed away and I remember talking to a friend and just saying like, I don't feel God anywhere. Like, I don't feel that he's close. You know, my Bible reading is just dry. It's like, it's dry.

It's a dry season and that's really unfair. And again, it made me mad at God for being like, why are you leaving me in this state? And she said something that like, just, I don't think I'll ever forget. She was just like, Lauren, you can't rely on your feelings. Like do not rely on your feelings. Like God is there. He promises to be there. He might be quieter, but he's not the one that has shifted or moved. Like you are the one.

And so I don't know, was just when you're going through a really hard time and if you're grieving something, is so, it's so, it's so unpredictable. I mean, one minute you could be fine and the next minute you could hear a commercial and just be in a puddle of tears and just like, you know, torn apart. So it's unpredictable. And so.

that can kind of lead you to feeling like your emotions are like going all over the place. And you kind of have this sense of where you don't have like a firm foundation to like deal with what's coming or what's going to change in the next couple minutes. And so I would just say, don't rely on your feelings. You know, go, go keep going to scripture. I'll use my mom's

advice, go to the Psalms. Like that has a ton, a ton of emotions that you can identify with and and be real in. And so go to the Psalms until you feel better. Like that's just that was really good advice, you know, for my mom. And that can be that can be passed along and bless some more people too.

McKenzie Piland (52:44.515)
Yeah.

McKenzie Piland (52:51.086)
Yeah, definitely. I love that you said don't rely on your feelings and that God hasn't moved chances are you have. so, so much good advice there. So Lauren, I would love for you to just leave the listeners with where they can find you, where they can find Mo mountains and all the things if they want to connect with you.

Lauren Hostetler (53:13.416)
Yeah, so I am on Instagram. So my name is just Lauren Hostetler. I think it's like Lauren underscore Hostetler. And then Mo Mountains is also on Instagram. And real quick, I don't think we talked about this, but Mo Mountains is named in honor of my mom. So her name was Maureen and her nickname was Mo. And so I named Mo Mountains just in honor of her to carry on her legacy.

you know, this business, like the goal of it is to bring women into the presence of God. It's actually it's on my logo. If you look at my logo, you can like see little like Psalms 23 is on there as one of my all time favorite Psalms and one that she taught me growing up. And then Coram Deo is on there. She taught me Latin and that is a Latin phrase that means in the presence of God. And so that is the goal of Mo Mountains is to bring women

into the presence of God via His nature. so, yeah, we are we're active on social media. We're on Facebook and Instagram. And then our website is MoMountains.com. So you can find out where we're headed to, where all our adventures are, sign up for our email newsletter, all of that stuff.

McKenzie Piland (54:32.76)
Yeah, awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that. And thank you just again for sharing your story and for just walking us through that hard time and the flaws in your understanding. I think we all have some of those tucked away somewhere in our understanding and just, yeah, being real and honest about that season we through. So thank you so much for sharing and thank you so much for being here.

Lauren Hostetler (54:56.512)
Yeah, thanks for having me, Kenzie.