Erin Whitehead

The Non Drinking Buddies talk to comedian Erin Whitehead about comedy, chronic illness and calling on friends when you need support.

Mocktail Recipe: "Orange Palmer"

Equal Parts:
Unsweetened Iced Tea
Fresh Orange Juice
Add a "glob" of Honey
Enjoy!

Erin’s Podcast College Town: https://open.spotify.com/show/3ZcNrpEgsSNO5qxgMYkqyF

Dr. Gabor Maté:https://drgabormate.com/

Instagram: @nondrinkingbuddies
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0_Z_CJZ3USL7EK6pQ09huQ

Transcript

Anne [00:00:00]:
Hey, Erin.

Rebekka [00:00:02]:
I'm sorry. You like that? You like that? Hello, hello, hello. Erin. We've got Erin in the studio.

Erin Whitehead [00:00:10]:
What up, girls?

Anne [00:00:11]:
Wow.

Erin Whitehead [00:00:11]:
So great to be here.

Rebekka [00:00:14]:
This is. We do it like a morning show. Morning show. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:00:18]:
That's what I got from the previous episodes I've listened to, so I'm so.

Rebekka [00:00:21]:
Glad we're on the same page. Hi, and welcome to non drinking buddies.

Anne [00:00:38]:
I'm Ann Gregory.

Rebekka [00:00:39]:
And I'm Rebecca Johnson. And this is the podcast where we talk to teetotaling guests about how they find the fun in a booze free life.

Anne [00:00:44]:
And today we have the extremely funny and smart co host of the college town podcast.

Rebekka [00:00:52]:
She's a comedian, she's a writer. She's hilarious.

Anne [00:00:56]:
She does cartoons. She draws them.

Rebekka [00:00:59]:
Ann is a superfan.

Anne [00:01:01]:
I'm a super fan of her instagram. It's delightful. You should follow her. You should listen to her podcast.

Rebekka [00:01:06]:
Let's talk to Erin Whitehead.

Anne [00:01:14]:
Erin, I know you from UCB. Did we ever perform together?

Erin Whitehead [00:01:18]:
That's what I was trying to remember.

Anne [00:01:19]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:01:20]:
I was talking.

Anne [00:01:20]:
I was like, I think we maybe did a pickup show.

Erin Whitehead [00:01:23]:
I'm sure we must have, because we came up around the same time, and so we must have been at the theater for, like, ten years at the same time.

Rebekka [00:01:29]:
Right. So you had to have done a show circling each other?

Erin Whitehead [00:01:32]:
Like, circling each other.

Anne [00:01:33]:
Yeah. Yep.

Erin Whitehead [00:01:34]:
I'm sure we did. But we weren't ever on a team or anything.

Anne [00:01:36]:
No, no, no. And then I kind of, like, stepped away after we've talked about this, like, after having kids. Like, I was just, you know, doing that for a little bit.

Erin Whitehead [00:01:45]:
Yeah, I've heard that. That takes up a lot of time.

Rebekka [00:01:47]:
It does. It does. Yeah. It's surprising how little improv you have time for when you have a baby. Yes.

Erin Whitehead [00:01:54]:
Although, if you're like my relatives, you're like, but it's all improv, right? What we're doing right now.

Rebekka [00:01:58]:
Oh, yeah, that's fine. Improv, right? We're making everything.

Anne [00:02:02]:
Put that in your scalp.

Rebekka [00:02:04]:
Your skit.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:04]:
In my skit.

Rebekka [00:02:06]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:06]:
Although it's funny, is I feel like now I'm too far away from it, and people say skit, and I'm like, it's fine.

Rebekka [00:02:10]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:11]:
Why were we ever being such snobs?

Anne [00:02:14]:
Such a similar word.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:16]:
It really is.

Rebekka [00:02:17]:
Yeah. I feel like the snobbery is like, maybe your 1st, 1015 years of. Now I'm like, all right, then you get tired.

Anne [00:02:25]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:02:25]:
Now I'm like, oh, short forms. Great. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:28]:
Honestly, anything. Look, they're trying.

Rebekka [00:02:30]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:02:32]:
You're not hurting anyone, right? You're not actively being.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:36]:
No, you're great.

Rebekka [00:02:37]:
Yeah. Do whatever kind of improv or comedy you want.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:40]:
I truly do feel like that, though. Now I go to live shows, and there's no shitty 20 something that's like, oh, really? They're up there. Instead, I'm like, oh, my God, they're up there. They're trying so hard. This is so vulnerable.

Rebekka [00:02:51]:
That's great. That's great.

Anne [00:02:53]:
Me too.

Erin Whitehead [00:02:54]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:02:55]:
So, okay, you do not drink, but you.

Rebekka [00:03:00]:
What if she was like, no, I.

Erin Whitehead [00:03:00]:
Drink as of last night.

Rebekka [00:03:04]:
Hey, we can unpack it. We'll unpack it. We'll unpack it.

Erin Whitehead [00:03:07]:
You're gonna get one of those eventually. I feel like someone's gonna be like, so when you booked me, I didn't.

Rebekka [00:03:12]:
But now I relapse. That's okay.

Anne [00:03:14]:
I mean, honestly, we've been close. So why did you quit drinking?

Erin Whitehead [00:03:21]:
So I was unknowingly at this point, exposed to black mold in an old apartment.

Rebekka [00:03:29]:
Oh, God.

Erin Whitehead [00:03:30]:
But I didn't know that that was what was happening, so I was just getting very sick. Chronic fatigue, random autoimmune diseases that my doctors were like, now you have this. Now you have this. And felt so sick.

Anne [00:03:42]:
What were some of those autoimmune diseases?

Erin Whitehead [00:03:44]:
I got psoriasis. My previous IB's got upgraded to IBD.

Rebekka [00:03:49]:
Hey, now I know. Thank you. Stop bragging.

Erin Whitehead [00:03:53]:
It's irritable bowel disease, so it's not a syndrome. Thank you guys, for understanding.

Rebekka [00:04:00]:
Listen, we're here with you. We don't have it, but we get. We're here with your colon, your intestines. We're here with all of our listeners. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:04:09]:
I feel like the older we get, more people understand that there's stomach issues of some sort.

Rebekka [00:04:14]:
So how long ago was this?

Erin Whitehead [00:04:16]:
So this was around 2018. Okay.

Rebekka [00:04:18]:
And you were still living in the apartment, but didn't realize the apartment was what was getting you sick.

Erin Whitehead [00:04:22]:
Did not know. Had people suggesting it, because I had multiple leaks from above, but I had never experienced any kind of mold. So I was like, no, it's very clean in here. I don't smell anything. I would see it. No and no. It was up in the drywall.

Rebekka [00:04:34]:
Fuck.

Erin Whitehead [00:04:35]:
But not knowing that, I was just getting very sick. And I've always been someone who, when I would drink, and sometimes I would say too much, but I would still be in a very good mood. Like, it was immediate upper. Not an angry drunk, not a mean drunk best self. We're having so much fun. Were I to see video, maybe I wouldn't agree with that.

Anne [00:04:56]:
You're at birds after a show, you're just having a glass of Chardonnay.

Erin Whitehead [00:04:59]:
A great giant glass of Chardonnay.

Rebekka [00:05:02]:
Remember those pores?

Erin Whitehead [00:05:03]:
Wait, what was the name of the bartender?

Rebekka [00:05:05]:
Because I don't know.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:05]:
He would give me Chardonnay.

Anne [00:05:08]:
I think all the ladies, he was.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:09]:
Like, have a giant glass of.

Rebekka [00:05:12]:
It's a post for the listeners who don't live in LA or are not in the comedy community. It's like the post show bar in LA. After a upright citizens brigade show, you go to birds. It's funny. Cause I did some shows at UCB, but not, like, crazy out here. I did it more in New York, so I spent some time at birds, but not, like, the level where I knew the bartender or even recollect the. It was the cheapest drink.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:37]:
I would go before the show and have a half chicken dinner.

Rebekka [00:05:40]:
Oh, nice.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:40]:
Cause that's what you want before you get on stage.

Rebekka [00:05:42]:
Yeah, half a chicken.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:43]:
Yeah, half a chicken. Mashed potatoes. And I forget what else. So good. So good. And then go back later and drink.

Rebekka [00:05:49]:
Drink. Yeah. I'm sure they loved you guys because, well, they gave us.

Erin Whitehead [00:05:53]:
They even at one point, gave performers these special little cards where you could get, like, 20% off, which then really caused a huge issue for people who were like, I'm a performer. I'm just not on a Herald team, you know? And we're like, why is this bar. This bar shouldn't even know what a Herald team is. Show, like, comedy clips to be like, we're your friends. But the comedy clips weren't good. And it was just so. It was very sweet.

Rebekka [00:06:16]:
They were like, how do we ingratiate ourselves to the community? But also, you're like, you're right next door. You don't actually have to.

Erin Whitehead [00:06:21]:
That's all you have to do, is, like, serve out next door.

Rebekka [00:06:23]:
Yeah, be open.

Erin Whitehead [00:06:24]:
You're doing it.

Rebekka [00:06:25]:
Let us in. Yeah. Yeah. So you would, you know, drink at birds, and you would be happy when.

Erin Whitehead [00:06:31]:
You drank just beyond. And I'm sure part of it was like, the UCB community is. I was like, oh, my God, I'm on the show. Friends. After so many years of having, like, friends in many, many corners, I was like, I have a friend group.

Rebekka [00:06:43]:
We all hang out together.

Erin Whitehead [00:06:45]:
We're like siblings, but we're attracted to each other sometimes. It's just, like, the most fun. And then. But then. So when I started getting sick, I started to notice that alcohol just hit me differently. Like, I would drink it and truly within 20 minutes. It was, like, the next day, hangover. Like, nauseous, headache, felt awful, couldn't think straight.

Erin Whitehead [00:07:07]:
I already couldn't think straight cause of the mold too. So I was already having, like, neuro issues.

Rebekka [00:07:10]:
But you didn't know.

Erin Whitehead [00:07:11]:
Didn't know what they were. I just was, like, just early dementia. Is this panic attacks? Like, what is happening? It was mold. It's like, neurotoxins turned out to be not great, and alcohol's also a neurotoxicity. So then you were, like, kind of doubling up. Yeah, I had no idea. And I think it was, like, it only took a few times, honestly. I had done a really fun show despite being truly out of my mind with mold, and then had a cocktail afterwards, and it got home and was, like, barfing and felt horrible.

Erin Whitehead [00:07:40]:
And this is, like, half an hour later.

Rebekka [00:07:42]:
Right. You're like, I'm not hungover.

Anne [00:07:45]:
Poison? No, thanks, truly.

Erin Whitehead [00:07:47]:
And so I was like, I just can't do this anymore. And I tested it twice since then. I think, like, once in 2020, once in 2021, and right now. Yeah, this is not coffee. This is hot alcohol.

Rebekka [00:08:02]:
Just hot vodka. I love hot alcohol. Not like, boldwater. No.

Erin Whitehead [00:08:08]:
I should have mentioned that. I love my alcohol. Hot or warm.

Rebekka [00:08:11]:
Yeah, yeah.

Anne [00:08:12]:
Warm beer.

Rebekka [00:08:13]:
Yum, yum, yum.

Erin Whitehead [00:08:16]:
But no, it still is one. I had, like, maybe not even one. I had, like, half a glass of wine just to see barfing immediately.

Anne [00:08:24]:
Okay.

Erin Whitehead [00:08:25]:
Like, my body just rejects it now. Wow.

Rebekka [00:08:27]:
So now, obviously, it was something you enjoyed, and so the mold. The mold you loved mold. Yeah. Mold wine. You would put mold in your wine. Yeah. That's why you like hot alcohol. Oh, wait.

Rebekka [00:08:38]:
Oh, wait. That's probably.

Erin Whitehead [00:08:39]:
Was I supposed to mull it? Not mold it.

Rebekka [00:08:42]:
Oh, you are. Yeah. You used to just drill into your ceiling, scrape off sort of like a.

Erin Whitehead [00:08:48]:
Toilet wine thing, but, like, a ceiling wine.

Anne [00:08:50]:
Yeah, it's confusing.

Rebekka [00:08:52]:
Yeah, it's confusing, and it's all fine. You know, it's neurotoxins. Fine. So when you did decide, oh, shit, this is making me horribly sick, how did you sort of cope with this? Obviously, you were already sick, but did you feel sort of less affects, so less bad? So that already was, you know, a benefit to you? Were you able to see the benefits, or were you, like, more pissed that you couldn't just enjoy the thing you like to do?

Erin Whitehead [00:09:20]:
At that point, I was getting so sick that that was just one thing because I was also sort of, like, saying, no, to a lot of things. I would go to auditions, and I couldn't read the lines. Like, I would look at the lines, and the words would jump around, and I was like, I don't know what's happening. I mean, it was just truly terrifying. My memory started to go where I used to be able to, like, glance at a script twice for a commercial or something and go in, and then. And I would go in, and it would be gone, and I had no. So, for me, the alcohol was just like, I.

Rebekka [00:09:47]:
That was just far too far.

Erin Whitehead [00:09:49]:
And I didn't know it was autoimmune. So in my mind, I was like, this is temporary. I'll get better from whatever this crazy virus maybe thing is that I have, and then I can start drinking, and my life will go back to normal, and it has not, and I am now chronically ill.

Anne [00:10:01]:
So, wait, so the mold thing, how did you finally find out that it was mold?

Erin Whitehead [00:10:07]:
So I had a. This is also where, like, if you have a mold brain, you shouldn't be responsible for trying to figure this out.

Rebekka [00:10:13]:
Yourself, because you need help.

Erin Whitehead [00:10:14]:
I hired a mold inspector, okay. And she walked in, and she was like, I can smell something. And I was like, I can't. I think it's because from living there, I couldn't smell right.

Anne [00:10:22]:
It's like the nose blindness. You just get used to it.

Erin Whitehead [00:10:25]:
Yeah. Wait. I said, yeah. What's nose blindness?

Anne [00:10:28]:
No, I think it's, like, a thing.

Erin Whitehead [00:10:29]:
Where, like, I totally pretended just now, like, fully lie.

Anne [00:10:33]:
You know how, like, every house kind of has its. Like, it smells a little bit like.

Erin Whitehead [00:10:37]:
You get used to it.

Rebekka [00:10:38]:
Yeah, but even that happens with, like, people who chronically. If they have accidents, eventually their brain just doesn't recognize the smell. So your brain can become accustomed to a common smell, even if it's bad?

Erin Whitehead [00:10:51]:
Yes.

Rebekka [00:10:52]:
Your brain will just stop sending you the signals that say, this is a bad. It just says, this is normal. It's almost like white balancing a camera.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:00]:
I'm not a fan of this.

Rebekka [00:11:01]:
It's not great. It's not a great.

Anne [00:11:04]:
God bless for garbage people, right?

Rebekka [00:11:06]:
Like collectors, otherwise, garbage people.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:10]:
Otherwise, we just all keep our garbage forever. Yeah. Just piles of it. Honestly, though, that might be better. We'd probably be much more careful about what we threw away.

Rebekka [00:11:17]:
Probably.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:18]:
If your landfill was in your backyard. Oh, God.

Anne [00:11:20]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:11:21]:
So the mold inspector could smell it right away. She could smell it right away.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:25]:
She could smell it right away. And so she did an air test, and she found spores called. I always butcher the name. It's like stachobotrys, but that does not.

Anne [00:11:34]:
You mispronounced it, but it's not. Let it pass.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:37]:
Absolutely. It's the kind of black mold that is, like, very bad and should never be inside.

Anne [00:11:43]:
Damn.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:43]:
So she found some spores, but she goes, I didn't find enough that you can report this to anybody. Also, there is no number. So this is like, I'm finding all this out. There's no legal number of mold. It kind of has to be visible for the city to step in.

Rebekka [00:11:58]:
Oh, wow.

Erin Whitehead [00:11:58]:
And it wasn't. And she goes, if we drill into the drywall, we'll find it. She was like, I can see the ceilings literally almost falling in. It was curved because of the number of leaks that he just painted over. And I was like, great. How do we do that? And she's like, I have to get permission. The landlord, of course, would not grant permission.

Anne [00:12:15]:
Of course not. They don't want to find mold.

Erin Whitehead [00:12:16]:
No. And so he let her peek down into some from the upstairs apartment, whatever. Like a thing in the floor, like a panel on the floor, but it wasn't anywhere near the water leaks. And so her report said no visual mold. And I was so out of my mind that I was like, okay, so there's. So it's not mold. And it was only when I showed the report to someone, like, months and months, months later, they were like, no. She was saying, you have black mold, that she just can't find a visual.

Erin Whitehead [00:12:44]:
And I truly. I was like, I should not be the one doing this. I could barely read. I can't even read texts. I could barely read the report. Like, a mold report where I'm, like, looking at numbers of speeches, kinds of spores that I've never heard of, you know, like, yeah. So anyway, I figured this out in March of 2020.

Anne [00:13:01]:
Oh, my God.

Rebekka [00:13:02]:
It's a fun time. So then did you move right away?

Erin Whitehead [00:13:05]:
So my mom said I could come stay for a while.

Anne [00:13:08]:
Your mom lives out here?

Erin Whitehead [00:13:09]:
She, at the time, lived in Pasadena. She now lives in North Carolina. I think I may have driven her away. No, not really. Not really. She went to live near my sister, but. So I moved into her back sort of storage, guest room area, and was sick and then apartment hunting and had no job, and it was a pandemic, and I was. And I then developed PTSD, which I, again, still have.

Erin Whitehead [00:13:33]:
I just keep getting gifts from this, I'm telling you.

Rebekka [00:13:36]:
Yeah, I can't imagine. I mean, already you were dealing with such a hard thing, and then the.

Erin Whitehead [00:13:41]:
Pandemic and a mystery illness is like, I have to say, one of the most terrifying things I've ever, ever experienced. Like not knowing what was happening and also trying to. I think this was socially, and this is where I think the alcohol thing came back too, was like, I already had the alcohol piece taken away. And it's not to say, oh, my friendships were based on that, but we loved to go to drinks or go to dinner. All my plans revolved around going to dinner and drinks or going to drinks, which now does sound crazy, but that's what it is.

Rebekka [00:14:11]:
Also, I think when you're a comedian, it's even more so in some way, because if you have a nine to five job, you might be like, oh, well, I'm not going to go out every night after work.

Anne [00:14:22]:
You might not go out every night, but you might drink at home. You might drink at home.

Erin Whitehead [00:14:26]:
Oh, I did that too.

Rebekka [00:14:27]:
Too.

Anne [00:14:28]:
My jam.

Erin Whitehead [00:14:29]:
For me, a bottle of white wine and putting on like, nineties pandora and dancing around my apartment was one of my favorite things to do. And I felt like, this is healthy because I'm having so much fun.

Rebekka [00:14:38]:
Right. You realize sometimes the behavior's already healthy. Yeah. When you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, maybe if it was a glass.

Erin Whitehead [00:14:45]:
But even then, still.

Anne [00:14:47]:
But even the chronic usage like that, I was really looking at some of the health benefits because I knew you told me you were going to talk about health, and I was like, what are some like, these crazy things they say, like the vascular benefits of having a nightly glass of wine?

Erin Whitehead [00:15:03]:
Aren't they all sponsored by alcohol?

Anne [00:15:05]:
Yes, well, they are sponsored by alcohol. Or there was one study done in Japan and it was like a very small group of people that they studied and they tended to be upper middle class, were already pretty healthy. They kept it to one glass a night, which already means they're probably watching everything else they eat. Pretty modern it. And it just wasn't very accurate. Like, actually, if you drink every night and you don't give your body a rest, you're more prone to, like numerous cancers, numerous, like things, like terrible things.

Erin Whitehead [00:15:39]:
And I feel like too, when you look at what the lifestyle is like, I know. Cause they've done studies too, where people in Italy live for a very long time and notoriously drink wine with many meals. But I think they also have a very different idea of, like, work life balance, right. And cost of living, chronic stress, even the way we grocery shop. Like, to me, I've noticed the bigger everything gets, the more stressed I get. I don't like decisions, I don't even like my Spotify. I kind of want to get rid of it and just have the radio again. I fucking hate that.

Erin Whitehead [00:16:11]:
Every time a song comes on, I'm like, I guess I could choose something else.

Rebekka [00:16:15]:
Oh, yeah. Even with tv, I really miss having just tv. I do think that there's a decision fatigue.

Anne [00:16:21]:
The Sopranos is on. Let's go. That's what's on tonight.

Rebekka [00:16:23]:
I missed cassette tapes.

Erin Whitehead [00:16:24]:
Cause it was too hard to find the right song. You just listen to the whole fucking tape?

Rebekka [00:16:27]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:16:27]:
Great.

Rebekka [00:16:28]:
Yeah. Our world is. It's like we have so much at our fingertips that it becomes overwhelming.

Erin Whitehead [00:16:34]:
It's just you're making decisions the entire day.

Rebekka [00:16:37]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:16:37]:
They say it actually does cause depression.

Erin Whitehead [00:16:39]:
And anxiety, I'm sure.

Anne [00:16:40]:
Too many decisions. And they're like. They're like, I was listening to some, like, wellness podcast. I don't even remember, but, like, a long time ago. And they said that, like, by just. If you have, like, three lunches you can choose from and three breakfasts, just things like that. And, like, you do the same routine every morning. It can help free up creative space because you're just not making those decisions.

Erin Whitehead [00:17:02]:
I'm here to tell you that's not true. I eat four things and I do nothing.

Anne [00:17:08]:
Then that was bullshit.

Rebekka [00:17:09]:
Yeah. That was the same study that said drinking alcohol is good. That's big. Breakfast, lunch.

Erin Whitehead [00:17:17]:
Breakfast. Yeah. Eat the same cereal every day and you'll write a novel.

Rebekka [00:17:21]:
Not true. I think it's interesting because now there's articles about how alcohol is detrimental for you. And I've talked about this on the podcast before. I have something called eosinophilic esophagitis, which means my esophagus doesn't work sometimes when allergens are introduced and no one, not one doctor, nobody. In all the times I was trying to figure out why my throat would close up, nobody was like, how about you quit drinking? Literally no one. And it wasn't until I quit drinking and after ten months of quitting drinking that I was like, wait, I haven't had an episode.

Erin Whitehead [00:17:53]:
That's wild.

Rebekka [00:17:54]:
Cause I had quit dairy. Cause I thought it dairy, but it reduced it, but it didn't eliminate it.

Anne [00:17:59]:
And then I was eating a lot of ice cream in front of her in Scotland because I gave up alcohol.

Rebekka [00:18:03]:
And then I started.

Erin Whitehead [00:18:04]:
I need to do something.

Rebekka [00:18:05]:
We were in Scotland together, and I was like, nightly, like, oh, I hear you.

Erin Whitehead [00:18:09]:
The glue treasures I keep in my freezer.

Rebekka [00:18:15]:
But, yeah, it was miraculous. But then I looked it up after, so I start. I introduced dairy back, and then I looked it up after. And when you google alcohol and eosinophilic esophagitis, it's like, most people with Eoe cannot handle alcohol. And you're like, oh, yeah, because it's not good for you. And so when you already have something wrong with you, it's never gonna make it better. And it made it worse. And I drank a lot.

Rebekka [00:18:40]:
Like, I'm definitely an alcoholic, but I also. I would just drink all the time. So, like, of course I was having those episodes all the time. And I think dairy is still not great for me, but it's not as toxic as alcohol. And I didn't know and no one told me. And, like, I just wish, like, I don't know. I mean, I probably wouldn't have quit if they told me to. Yeah, but.

Erin Whitehead [00:19:05]:
But to know. But to at least have them said.

Rebekka [00:19:07]:
Hey, one of the things that activates it is alcohol. Like, they should be telling people that, like, doctors, I think, are scared to tell you to quit because it's so complicated and it's so connected to the social fabric of our culture.

Erin Whitehead [00:19:22]:
And they probably drink, right?

Anne [00:19:24]:
And they probably drink, too.

Rebekka [00:19:25]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:19:25]:
But I also think that there's so much doctors are so sort of Internet based now that I feel like they'll look at a list, a list, and it comes up and it's like, you take this med for this. And, I mean, I know I'm simplifying it, but I sometimes do think that being a doctor just means you get the better Google.

Rebekka [00:19:41]:
Right?

Erin Whitehead [00:19:42]:
Cause truly, I'll be like, but I looked at all these studies and they're like, oh, was it, what, a Facebook blog? And I'm like, no, no, no. It was a national institution of health, like, actual study. And they'll sometimes read it and be like, oh, I need to look into this. But I'm like, you're. They seem very hesitant to even want to suggest food changes because for my IBD, like, there's so many things I can't eat. Yeah, but it really has helped, even though I still have to be on medication. But they insisted to begin with that it was not at all food related. Couldn't be food related.

Erin Whitehead [00:20:14]:
And I'm like, you know, cholesterol is, you know, like, heart health is, right, you know, sugar, like, there's so many cancer, everything. Like, you can't then be like, this one health thing isn't related.

Rebekka [00:20:26]:
This thing that alcohol is involved in your food system is not food related. Well, even I've had that with, like, eczema, where they'll be like, it's not food, but I've had way less eczema, way less skin problems since I quit drinking. Oh.

Erin Whitehead [00:20:39]:
I was able to actually stop my psoriasis by cutting out nightshades, and they swore to me food was unrelated.

Rebekka [00:20:45]:
Wow.

Anne [00:20:46]:
Wait, so what are nightshades?

Erin Whitehead [00:20:47]:
It's any. It's, like, hard to cut out because it's in everything. It's like, tomatoes, peppers, spices, everything like that.

Anne [00:20:53]:
A lot of acid, right?

Rebekka [00:20:55]:
Acidic.

Erin Whitehead [00:20:55]:
It's not the acid. It's a literal nightshade. But they are like. So, like, yeah, tomato sauce is very acidic, but it's the night shade itself that I'm. That I can't do.

Rebekka [00:21:06]:
It stinks to have to, like, control all these different elements of your life, but there is something empowering and knowing, because I think when you don't know what's wrong with you, that's so much worse.

Erin Whitehead [00:21:17]:
It's terrifying.

Rebekka [00:21:18]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:21:18]:
I just read this. Truly, this book. I'm like, I want anybody with chronic illness or who has a friend with chronic illness to read it. It's called the invisible Kingdom by Megan Roark. And she had a mystery symptoms decade long, trying to figure out what was happening. I think she ended up having different things than I had. She has Lyme and some other things.

Rebekka [00:21:40]:
Yeah, I was gonna say Lyme is one of those that doesn't always show up on the test. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:21:43]:
And for all I know, I have no idea, but she has this now. I feel like my brain did a thing where it stops halfway through. Why was I telling you this? Just not knowing she does such an incredible job. Because I think once her brain was back to what she was used to, she was able to write this book, but she'll have places where she's like. And reminder that these sentences that I just wrote at the time I was sick, I might have been able to. I can't even make the word articulate one of these sentences. I could never have strung them into a paragraph just to have. Just to read that and be like, oh, my God.

Erin Whitehead [00:22:18]:
Thank God somebody gets it. Because I think when people hear brain fog, they're like, oh, I know, COVID fatigue, right? Like, so exhausted. And I'm like, I don't know how to explain fatigue to you. It's like your personality gets sucked away and you're not there anymore. Like, just fully gone.

Anne [00:22:35]:
I'm so sorry. Are there any ways to, like, recover? I mean, the Chronicle, the IBD, are there any ways to recover from the mold, like, from some of the other, like, the brain fog and things like that, or is it recurring?

Rebekka [00:22:52]:
Like, it's.

Erin Whitehead [00:22:53]:
For me. I mean, I definitely have to sort of look back and be like, you're better than you were at times. But then I also will just have flares, and I have. I've been having them lately where it's just, like, the mental and physical fatigue is so high that I, like, I can't get up, and it's. And I just feel like I'm not there. And so I'm. I know there are, like, mold doctors out there, and I paid thousands of dollars to several of them, but, like, at a certain point, you have to sort of be like, I just can't keep doing this.

Rebekka [00:23:21]:
Right.

Erin Whitehead [00:23:22]:
So now I'm just doing the western doctor thing and.

Anne [00:23:25]:
Okay.

Rebekka [00:23:26]:
Trying to treat each individual thing.

Erin Whitehead [00:23:27]:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Rebekka [00:23:30]:
So are you. I know.

Erin Whitehead [00:23:32]:
I'm sorry to be a down.

Rebekka [00:23:32]:
Oh, that's. No, no, no, no.

Anne [00:23:34]:
Like, I just. So.

Erin Whitehead [00:23:36]:
So the back to alcohol.

Rebekka [00:23:39]:
Well, what do we meant? Well, no, no.

Anne [00:23:40]:
Like, no. Like, kind of, like, do you still. Because of this chronic stuff, do you still perform live?

Erin Whitehead [00:23:47]:
I don't. I'm too worried about the COVID stuff.

Rebekka [00:23:50]:
Okay.

Erin Whitehead [00:23:50]:
So. But, I mean, so I do my podcast, and I feel, like, beyond lucky, because, like, Seth. It was Seth Morriss idea, the podcast. And he came to me, and he was like, if we can find a COVID safe way to do it, would you do it? And I was like, I wanted to cry. Cause I was like, what it generally happens is people will be like, oh, we did this show, but we didn't invite you because, you know, your COVID conscious. So I was just like, I cannot believe that you want to work with me around this difficult thing. And so we would in, like, 2020, whenever we started, 2022, we were doing, like, outside freezing rain under, like, an overhang podcast with these guests who showed up and did it. And now we have a setup where we're at our producer's house, and I'm, like, in a doorway.

Rebekka [00:24:31]:
Oh, great.

Erin Whitehead [00:24:33]:
And you guys, again, tested beforehand, and I really appreciate you offering that.

Rebekka [00:24:37]:
And what's the name of your podcast again?

Erin Whitehead [00:24:38]:
Yeah, college town. College town comedy. Bang Bang world. So it is behind a paywall, but you get tons of podcasts with it.

Anne [00:24:44]:
That's so fun.

Rebekka [00:24:45]:
I know Seth from New York, UCB. He's so funny. He's so funny.

Erin Whitehead [00:24:49]:
Yeah, yeah.

Anne [00:24:50]:
Oh, lovely.

Erin Whitehead [00:24:51]:
That's great.

Rebekka [00:24:52]:
And so you've been able to be creative and participate in that and have fun with creating that.

Erin Whitehead [00:24:57]:
Oh, my God, those make my days. Even though it's just. I mean, we're dirty and silly and dumb, which is great.

Anne [00:25:03]:
It's my favorite thing.

Erin Whitehead [00:25:04]:
It's so great to show up and just be like, have fun, brain. And it's like you drop your brain off and then you go have a cup of coffee. Come back. What'd you do?

Rebekka [00:25:14]:
Dirty words. Nice. It's about diarrhea.

Anne [00:25:18]:
We talk about dicks a lot.

Rebekka [00:25:20]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When Ann and I do comedy, like, our live comedy show is pretty dirty. It's funny because it's like, the tone of this podcast is very different than our live comedy show, which is just insane. Unhinged.

Erin Whitehead [00:25:32]:
Yes.

Rebekka [00:25:33]:
And then we're like, and now let's talk about the negatives of alcohol.

Erin Whitehead [00:25:38]:
It is fun to have both, though. I have been wanting to do a podcast, you know, that is more about, like, whatever's going on with me, not necessarily, like, about my health, because I feel like I would burn out quickly about talking about that, but something that would allow it to be part of the conversation.

Rebekka [00:25:53]:
Yeah, totally.

Erin Whitehead [00:25:54]:
For sure.

Rebekka [00:25:55]:
That's a great idea. And I think, like, I feel like the thing with podcasts or that anyone can listen to them anywhere, and so you can connect with people who feel alone.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:04]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:26:04]:
And I think that's one thing we found with this, is that so many people have come out of the woodwork to be like, oh, I also quit, or, I also don't drink. Or, you know, it's like that. You're helping me not drink.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:13]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:26:14]:
So anything like that where you feel less alone with whatever the problem is, you know, ours happens to be drinking too much.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:21]:
No, but it's so true. And I feel like we especially experienced that at the beginning of the pandemic. I had podcasts that I was like, I gotta go listen to my best friend.

Rebekka [00:26:29]:
Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah.

Anne [00:26:32]:
I mean, speaking of the, like, the pandemic, I remember I was like, I was going through it, drinking way too much and all of it and dealing with stuff I had to deal with. But I loved your cartoons.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:46]:
Oh, thank you.

Anne [00:26:47]:
On Instagram. You're so funny, and you're such a funny writer.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:50]:
Oh, thank you.

Anne [00:26:51]:
Like, you're like, I was telling, like, Rebecca, and she's like, how do you know her? And I'm like, well, we know each other from UCB, but I just really like her.

Erin Whitehead [00:26:59]:
And I just.

Rebekka [00:27:00]:
That's so neat.

Anne [00:27:01]:
I really, really like her writing and drawing.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:04]:
Thank you.

Rebekka [00:27:05]:
I don't know.

Anne [00:27:06]:
And you also had this, like, series a long time ago where you would just, like, be like a face plant.

Rebekka [00:27:12]:
And then it was just like, all.

Anne [00:27:13]:
These places where you were just face.

Rebekka [00:27:14]:
Planted on the ground. That's hilarious.

Anne [00:27:16]:
And you would go to Maine.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:17]:
The first one was in Maine.

Anne [00:27:19]:
Am I a stalker?

Erin Whitehead [00:27:20]:
I love it.

Rebekka [00:27:21]:
So, best friendship with you? No, I mean, not like best friendship, but I just like, whatever.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:27]:
She can make it that.

Rebekka [00:27:28]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:27:29]:
You don't want that.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:32]:
Okay.

Rebekka [00:27:33]:
Totally. No, Aaron, you're mine. I don't need that.

Anne [00:27:38]:
No, but, like, there's certain people who, like, are creative people, like you. And we've talked about this, too, like, because my current addiction is for sure, my phone.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:48]:
Oh, God. Mine is bad. Yes, really bad.

Anne [00:27:51]:
But there are some people who I genuinely like and admire, and they're like, Instagram. Like, I cannot look at it. It activates something.

Erin Whitehead [00:27:59]:
I've hidden people so I would still like them in life.

Rebekka [00:28:01]:
That's right. Me too.

Anne [00:28:02]:
Where it's like, I don't dislike them just the way they're presenting themselves. Or like, sometimes like, I'm envious or it's like I'm not working enough. And for some reason, I just think your instagram is.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:12]:
Oh, so I don't make you feel like you're not working enough?

Rebekka [00:28:14]:
No shit.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:17]:
So glad I can make you feel better about that.

Rebekka [00:28:19]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:19]:
There's no coy me in a trailer. A big thing coming up.

Rebekka [00:28:22]:
Can't talk about it. I hate that. I fucking hate that.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:26]:
Just post it when it comes out.

Rebekka [00:28:28]:
Okay? Just post it. Yeah.

Anne [00:28:30]:
Or text me that you're my friend, that you booked something great. I'll be happy for you. But if it hits me in the wrong time, it's just like, it's all gone.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:38]:
No, I've hidden a lot of people for that reason and not because I'm so. When I see it on tv, I'm like, I can't wait to watch your show.

Rebekka [00:28:43]:
That's so exciting.

Erin Whitehead [00:28:45]:
But I don't need the Kawaii updates.

Rebekka [00:28:47]:
No, not koi. I don't mind if someone's unabashedly excited because they're being like, self. I don't know, they're just taking it on. Like, I think it's great to be excited about your work. I think there's nothing worse to me than people who are like, yeah, I'm just working so much, you know, 16 hours days. I'm like, fuck off. You're on a tv show. Just be happy about it.

Rebekka [00:29:07]:
But, you know, it's like back at.

Anne [00:29:08]:
Work it's like, just.

Rebekka [00:29:09]:
Just be like, oh, my God, I'm so lucky.

Erin Whitehead [00:29:11]:
Yes.

Rebekka [00:29:11]:
Like, have that feeling. Like, have that lucky feeling, and you can share that lucky feeling.

Erin Whitehead [00:29:16]:
Well, that's how I feel about Kevin Bacon. And they have a great instagram.

Rebekka [00:29:21]:
I love it so much.

Anne [00:29:24]:
Do you do Mandy Patinkin's, too?

Erin Whitehead [00:29:25]:
Yeah, of course.

Rebekka [00:29:26]:
Of course.

Erin Whitehead [00:29:28]:
These are the couples that I'm like.

Rebekka [00:29:29]:
Although I think Mandy's son runs his.

Anne [00:29:32]:
I know he does.

Rebekka [00:29:32]:
Yeah. Which is even cuter, which is cute.

Erin Whitehead [00:29:35]:
Because then Mandy's actually in it. But, yeah, those are, like, my couple, where I'm like, how do I find this? I just want to be married to my best friend and be on a farm. Dancing, dinner table antics.

Anne [00:29:46]:
They talk a lot about food. I love food.

Erin Whitehead [00:29:48]:
And they just seem so into life in general. So then when they do post about a project, it's like, of course I'm posting because I'm an actor, and this is what we do. But I'm mostly happy about my goats.

Rebekka [00:29:57]:
Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Anne [00:29:59]:
They seem well rounded, and they also seem to care about things, and they.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:03]:
Seem so deeply in love with their best friend.

Rebekka [00:30:06]:
Spouse.

Anne [00:30:06]:
I know.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:08]:
I'm single.

Anne [00:30:09]:
I only.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:10]:
No, you're not single.

Rebekka [00:30:11]:
You're not single.

Anne [00:30:11]:
I'm not single.

Rebekka [00:30:13]:
You just said same.

Anne [00:30:14]:
I said, oh, my God. I was thinking of the Instagram.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:17]:
I said too many things fast. Yeah.

Anne [00:30:18]:
And my brain is permanently in fast.

Rebekka [00:30:21]:
Sorry.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:21]:
My hot alcohol is just. I'm talking too fast now.

Rebekka [00:30:24]:
My hot vodka kicked in.

Anne [00:30:26]:
I've been married for a very long time. We have two kids, and I love you, Shawn.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:32]:
Congratulations.

Rebekka [00:30:33]:
Thank you.

Anne [00:30:38]:
But, yeah, I think that.

Rebekka [00:30:42]:
Oh, I was gonna say something about.

Anne [00:30:43]:
Instagram, and then I just like, what?

Rebekka [00:30:44]:
It's not.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:45]:
Well, when you're talking about how much you like my things, if you want.

Anne [00:30:47]:
To be reminded, follow her on Instagram.

Rebekka [00:30:51]:
Yeah, we'll put it in the. The show notes, of course.

Anne [00:30:55]:
Show notes.

Rebekka [00:30:57]:
Yeah, those.

Erin Whitehead [00:30:58]:
Oh, but. Oh, no, you go ahead.

Anne [00:31:00]:
I don't even remember what I was gonna.

Rebekka [00:31:02]:
Oh, no, no.

Anne [00:31:03]:
My friend was, like, going crazy with the envy and the Fomo on Instagram, and I was like, who are you following? And she was following a lot of, like, young actors and young musicians and, like, bikini models. And I'm like, why? Yeah, why do you have to do that? I understand, like, that could be goals, but, like, I follow mostly older people because I want to know that aging isn't scary.

Rebekka [00:31:28]:
Yeah, I don't know.

Anne [00:31:29]:
Cause I'm really scared of that and dying.

Rebekka [00:31:32]:
Yeah, I follow dead people. Only you follow dead people. Yeah, corpses that are decomposing. It's kind of like your instagram, except they're dead. Yes, actually dead.

Erin Whitehead [00:31:41]:
Actually dead.

Rebekka [00:31:42]:
Yeah. Not faceplants.

Anne [00:31:43]:
Just face plant.

Erin Whitehead [00:31:44]:
Unfound. Yet I don't know how you're getting those photos.

Rebekka [00:31:47]:
It's just a private instagram for myself.

Erin Whitehead [00:31:49]:
Yeah, but it is hard. I feel like I follow people, but then I'll sort of forget I chose that. It's like, you do curate what you're seeing, but you forget you've curated it. And so then I'll be like, we're all seeing the same thing, aren't we? All going insane? And then I'm like, you don't need to watch every angle of Emma Stone winning that oscar.

Rebekka [00:32:05]:
No, you don't.

Anne [00:32:06]:
No, you don't.

Erin Whitehead [00:32:07]:
It's so funny, because I'm not really a jealous person, and I'm surrounded by people who are successful and for the most part, just extremely happy for them. I don't know why. Her winning that and looking so shiny and gorgeous. I was just like, your windows closed. That was it. That was it. I could have been. My God, she's just so shiny.

Rebekka [00:32:29]:
There are certain people. Yeah, there are certain people that, like, you can kind of connect to alternate universe. Like, be like, would I have gotten alternate universe? Yeah, there's certain people where I get a little.

Erin Whitehead [00:32:42]:
Well, I used to get. When I was younger, I would get compared to Anna Kendrick a lot. Like, even my family would be like, yeah, you look so much like her.

Anne [00:32:49]:
Oh, my God. Your mom is stuck you for Anna Kendrick. She. No, I don't know what I'm saying.

Erin Whitehead [00:32:55]:
Oh, I thought you were remembering a real thing. And I was like, I don't remember.

Rebekka [00:32:57]:
This, but I'm like, no, no, no.

Anne [00:33:00]:
She like, really?

Erin Whitehead [00:33:00]:
Well, we showed my nana once when my nana was alive, we showed her a video I had done with wild horses, which was a team I used to be on. And then we showed her Anna Kendrick just to show the comparison. And she goes, I hope you get all her parts. My nana was not like that. I was like, oh, I love that. She's like, that's so sweet. So it was very cute. And I was like, she's fine.

Erin Whitehead [00:33:22]:
Think she's already winning.

Rebekka [00:33:23]:
But thank you for saying that.

Anne [00:33:26]:
Oh, yeah. I think that it's just like the algorithm or whatever. It's like, we're not meant to know so much about other people's lives. No, our brains are not meant to process that much so we can be good people. I mean, you guys are both good people. I'm a terrible, I'm a shit person.

Rebekka [00:33:41]:
And we've got just fucking jealousy and hatred.

Erin Whitehead [00:33:45]:
Yeah. But I've never had a mean thought in my life. I don't know, but I think, like.

Rebekka [00:33:50]:
We'Re not supposed to.

Anne [00:33:51]:
Like, I'm not supposed to know everything.

Rebekka [00:33:52]:
It's crazy. I think also when you're doing things that are not good for you, that don't feel good, but you can't stop doing it, that's when you know it's time to take a step back from it. And so that's the same. I definitely have transferred a lot of my alcoholism to phone addiction type thing. Feelings, sugar. Where I'm like, we'll eat a million.

Erin Whitehead [00:34:15]:
Sneakily bad for me.

Rebekka [00:34:16]:
Yeah, yeah. And it's. Yeah, it's just like that feeling of needing more, more, more, more, more. And obsessing of, like, when can I get back to, like, when I'm finding wanting to check out of, like, hanging out with my son so that I can just go look at Instagram reels and it's not people, it's not my close friends. I just want to look at strangers doing stranger things. Not the show stranger things. That's what I was thinking, that they.

Anne [00:34:43]:
Were going.

Rebekka [00:34:46]:
Yeah, those are my actual friends.

Erin Whitehead [00:34:49]:
I almost don't. For me, I don't think it's even the content. It's like the. It's like the numbness of not thinking my own thoughts.

Rebekka [00:34:56]:
Yes.

Erin Whitehead [00:34:56]:
And on a higher level, which we need. Sometimes I gotta have the big screen on it and the little screen in my hand. Like, I, like, it's.

Rebekka [00:35:02]:
It's okay sometimes.

Erin Whitehead [00:35:03]:
It is sometimes, but it's at this point has become, I think the more you numb, the bigger the anxiety is. Cause it's like, no, we gotta be felt. So you're just really creating a monster, as you know.

Rebekka [00:35:14]:
That's true. Yeah.

Anne [00:35:15]:
You know, that's another thing about quitting drinking. So we're like, 16 months in. 17 months in, something like that. 16, and we're 18 years in.

Rebekka [00:35:25]:
I wish you were such a bad person.

Erin Whitehead [00:35:28]:
Just lying.

Rebekka [00:35:29]:
I told you I'm full of hatred and jealousy.

Anne [00:35:32]:
No, the feelings.

Rebekka [00:35:36]:
Wow.

Anne [00:35:36]:
I'm feeling some feelings this year. I didn't realize how much I was numbing, and I think that's why I'm aware a little bit more. It's not like I wasn't addicted to my phone during the pandemic. There was so much going on.

Rebekka [00:35:49]:
Of course. Yeah.

Anne [00:35:50]:
Like, so much terrible things. And we get addicted to those emotions and blah, blah, blah. But, like, I was also drinking a bottle of wine a night. Plus, my husband made wine.

Rebekka [00:35:58]:
Did you know that, Sean?

Anne [00:36:00]:
Making wine during the beer? Like, we got very artisanal about our alcoholism.

Erin Whitehead [00:36:05]:
I've heard of people making their own beer, but making your own wine feels like a step up.

Rebekka [00:36:08]:
Did he step on grapes with his feet?

Anne [00:36:10]:
No, but he got them pressed, and he bought grapes from purveyors.

Rebekka [00:36:14]:
Wow.

Anne [00:36:15]:
It was.

Erin Whitehead [00:36:15]:
It was a lot.

Rebekka [00:36:16]:
Was it good?

Anne [00:36:18]:
No comment.

Rebekka [00:36:19]:
It wasn't the best. He's not listening. Yeah.

Anne [00:36:22]:
I didn't realize how much shit they had to put into wine.

Rebekka [00:36:24]:
Well, there's a lot.

Erin Whitehead [00:36:25]:
Anytime people make the homemade beer or the kombucha, you taste it and you're like, that's less good than from the store. This was fun.

Anne [00:36:34]:
It was a whole thing. But some of it was one of the. One of the varietals was good at.

Rebekka [00:36:39]:
Anyway.

Anne [00:36:39]:
He made, like, three different kinds of wine.

Rebekka [00:36:40]:
Funny.

Erin Whitehead [00:36:41]:
But the feelings. I'm so curious.

Anne [00:36:44]:
I'm feeling all these feelings.

Erin Whitehead [00:36:45]:
And do you feel like. Cause sometimes I do wonder. I know. I'm assuming you live with your husband. I feel like having another.

Anne [00:36:54]:
No, I'm single.

Rebekka [00:36:58]:
You're not single.

Anne [00:37:01]:
Same.

Rebekka [00:37:02]:
Me too.

Erin Whitehead [00:37:02]:
I'm married to him too.

Rebekka [00:37:03]:
We're in a poly relationship with you. You didn't know?

Anne [00:37:08]:
You do not want to be my best friend. You do not want to be in a relationship with me.

Erin Whitehead [00:37:12]:
I might want to be the second wife. That sounds kind of great. I can be the not having sex wife. It's all I've ever wanted. No, but I feel like I have trouble because the feelings do come up. But I think being alone, it's. So for me, anyway. It's like I almost wait the whole week.

Erin Whitehead [00:37:27]:
I just thought I felt a bug on me, but I don't have one.

Rebekka [00:37:29]:
Okay.

Erin Whitehead [00:37:30]:
I feel like I wait the whole week to have my therapy appointment. Cause it's, like a person to connect with and release the feelings, but it's like, 50 minutes a week is not enough time. And I try very hard not to be the person who's putting too much onto friends. But I'm also one of the only singles in my friend group, so I'm like. It's become such a. I think I'm just baffled by how middle age has changed the dynamics. Because now that people are married, their first person they go to, if they're having their meltdown or breakdown or, like, sudden tears, you have someone who you immediately go to, and then you might report it later. But reporting is very different than having the first line person.

Rebekka [00:38:09]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:38:09]:
So my friends are still my first people, but I'm like, but it's not really even anymore. So I feel like I have to be so careful to be like, I don't want to be the only.

Rebekka [00:38:17]:
I also think that actually we have all societally reduced phone calls. Like, I love a phone call.

Erin Whitehead [00:38:25]:
I love a phone call. And I do have two phone call friends. And, like, huge.

Rebekka [00:38:28]:
I think that's like a big thing.

Anne [00:38:30]:
Like, that's like, I've kind of made Rebecca my phone call friend. And sometimes I can tell, like, I'm like, ah, she's screened me.

Erin Whitehead [00:38:37]:
It's okay, it's okay.

Rebekka [00:38:38]:
It's like, it's Anne, get out of town. I'm not screening you.

Erin Whitehead [00:38:44]:
Also, can you screen on an iPhone?

Rebekka [00:38:47]:
No, but she's thinking I'm just sending her to voicemail, which is not true.

Anne [00:38:51]:
No, but I'm not. It's reasonable because I do feel like I have a lot of emotions and I dump sometimes. I feel like that.

Erin Whitehead [00:38:58]:
I hate that term. I feel like the kids are now emotionally dumping. I even saw someone say that they.

Rebekka [00:39:03]:
Like, someone did it to their therapist.

Erin Whitehead [00:39:04]:
She emotionally dumped on her therapist.

Rebekka [00:39:06]:
What?

Erin Whitehead [00:39:07]:
What are you paying for?

Rebekka [00:39:08]:
What is the point of therapy?

Erin Whitehead [00:39:09]:
But even to friends, I'm like, that's what friends. We all know the difference, too. If every conversation, you're the only one talking, there's a problem.

Anne [00:39:17]:
Right, right.

Erin Whitehead [00:39:18]:
I do not think it's emotionally dumping to be like, I'm so upset and I'm gonna be emotional as I tell you this thing.

Rebekka [00:39:23]:
Yeah. Yes. There used to be a time where I would call my friends, like, call my friends. If my. My husband, who was my boyfriend, you know, at the time, if we got no fight, I'd call my friends.

Erin Whitehead [00:39:32]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:39:33]:
And I feel like we would all call each other constantly and. And, you know, some of my old friends, we talk on the phone sometimes, but it's like catch up time. And reporting, as you're saying. It's reporting.

Anne [00:39:45]:
Oh, you're not talking about just eating ketchup?

Rebekka [00:39:47]:
Yeah, yeah, we would just eat.

Erin Whitehead [00:39:48]:
Oh, I love a ketchup taco.

Rebekka [00:39:50]:
Can't eat it anymore.

Erin Whitehead [00:39:51]:
But I will talk about it.

Rebekka [00:39:52]:
No, but I think that that's something. So honestly, it makes me think. Not that I'm trying to solve your problem, but it makes me think that something that hell has helped me is going to like twelve step program, going to meetings. I will say I much. I'm so grateful to be in a room with other people, going through the same thing. Going through. And also where they encourage you to call each other and talk to each other on the phone and connect. And so it's like, that's the thing.

Rebekka [00:40:16]:
Obviously, you're not gonna go to aa, but that's the thing that is like. And honestly, I've made new friends in this place, right. So I didn't know most of the people before. There's, like, one or two people. Occasionally I'll be like, we knew each other in a past life or in our past, this past life, but I've made new friends. I've connected with people. And the whole point of going there is connection. And it's not necessarily about.

Rebekka [00:40:42]:
You're not just, like, unloading your negative feelings, but you're also, like, uplifting each other. And I think if there was a world where there was something like that, I think that it's so beneficial for people to connect over their hardships.

Erin Whitehead [00:40:55]:
It's called church.

Rebekka [00:40:55]:
I've been.

Erin Whitehead [00:40:57]:
See, that's the problem.

Anne [00:40:58]:
No, I mean, honestly, that's why church is good for certain people.

Rebekka [00:41:00]:
It is, but you have to believe in it, and that's what's hard.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:03]:
I wish that we just had it without the religion piece.

Rebekka [00:41:07]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:07]:
Like, why can't we get a tax free great real estate place to go, share our feelings?

Rebekka [00:41:12]:
Yeah, well.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:13]:
And it was just, we won't molest anybody.

Rebekka [00:41:15]:
It'll be even worse. We promise. Yeah. Cause we can have regular sex. We don't have to, like, withhold. Yeah. But there was a thing that said, like, basically because a lot of us are not going to church anymore, that we have not replaced that community, the third space, they call it. And even now, it's even outside of, like, just the place.

Rebekka [00:41:32]:
It's like, we haven't replaced that community thing where you're gonna go have coffee after.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:37]:
Yeah, probably the same.

Rebekka [00:41:39]:
Same article. It was, like, Atlantic or something. Yes.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:41]:
Yeah. Which I got a subscription to, and.

Anne [00:41:43]:
Then immediately it was like, name drop, you smarty pants.

Rebekka [00:41:46]:
Okay.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:47]:
Honestly, if you subscribe, you'll be like, okay, there's, like, one good article every three months and then keep posting them on instagram. But I. For me, because of the COVID thing, I can't be inside.

Rebekka [00:41:58]:
But there are zoom.

Erin Whitehead [00:41:59]:
At least with zoom.

Rebekka [00:42:00]:
Twelve steps. It's annoying, but I would love to.

Erin Whitehead [00:42:03]:
Find an in person outdoor thing, because for me, there really is, like, a being, a body in the same room as people zoom. For some reason, I feel an actual stress building in my body the whole time. And I do think it's like there's something about being. I can feel myself alone, and then seeing my face in the box, it just doesn't. I've never been. Even during the pandemic, I was like, I think I'd just rather never see anyone again.

Rebekka [00:42:24]:
It feels disgusting. Yeah, I know.

Erin Whitehead [00:42:27]:
I checked out of the family zooms. Like, by April, I was like, no, I never need to see you again. This is terrible.

Rebekka [00:42:32]:
You're like, we'll just. Yeah. If we can't do in person, I'll forget you. Yes.

Anne [00:42:35]:
I used to have, like, happy hours with friends on zoom.

Rebekka [00:42:39]:
Oh, me too. I was like, rich. We all did that. Everyone. Yeah, that was a. Well, because we were all alone.

Anne [00:42:44]:
I know the connection thing. So I was talking to one thing that I found recently. Can you go, like, hiking or, like, walking? Okay, so, like, I love that kind of stuff.

Rebekka [00:42:55]:
Yeah, I do.

Erin Whitehead [00:42:55]:
Like, I do a lot of walks with friends.

Anne [00:42:57]:
Yeah, that's delightful. And so I went on this hike. There ended up being poison oak.

Erin Whitehead [00:43:01]:
We didn't get it.

Anne [00:43:02]:
I feel real good about that.

Erin Whitehead [00:43:05]:
When you said there ended up being poison oak, we didn't get it. Does that mean you researched later what you saw?

Anne [00:43:09]:
No, it was poison oak.

Rebekka [00:43:11]:
Well, yeah, there was poison oak there.

Anne [00:43:13]:
There's this shell you can put on immediately that takes the oils out.

Rebekka [00:43:17]:
Okay. Gotcha.

Anne [00:43:18]:
Like, my son definitely touched a bunch of poison oak. Wow. At any rate. No, but it was super duper fun. And there was this therapist that I didn't really know, and he was talking. He was a friend of a friend, and he was talking about how he has found the most benefits and the most joy from group therapy, because there's a lot of people going through similar things.

Erin Whitehead [00:43:42]:
Will you ask him if he has any outdoor group therapy suggestions?

Rebekka [00:43:45]:
I will totally amaze. Right? There has to be other people that have chronic.

Anne [00:43:51]:
And he was like. He was like, oh, yeah, I heard about your podcast. So you're an alcoholic. So do you go to twelve step? And I was like, I haven't yet.

Rebekka [00:43:56]:
I'm a little.

Anne [00:43:57]:
He's like, you really need to.

Rebekka [00:43:58]:
It's really great. But you're like, aren't you not supposed to just tell me what to do? No.

Anne [00:44:03]:
It was like telling me that.

Rebekka [00:44:04]:
No, no. But that's angry.

Erin Whitehead [00:44:05]:
I don't know about this guy.

Rebekka [00:44:06]:
Don't ask me. I get it, though. I get the zeal for it, though.

Anne [00:44:11]:
Because I do feel the connection, the support of it.

Rebekka [00:44:14]:
Yeah. So much of the problem, like, so much of when so much of the things that I was feeling, the loneliness, the inability to deal with my feelings, all the stuff, the extra rage, so much of it has been helped by going and being with other people who have the same problem so much.

Erin Whitehead [00:44:32]:
I even noticed that if I'm having a day where I can feel the, like, the overwhelm building early, if I can even get on the phone with a friend for ten minutes and, like, just have that release of not even sobbing to her, I might just well up cry, say three sentences about my deal, and then she tells me about her day. I'm already lowered. It's that co regulation. I've read so many trauma memes, you guys. I know everything about trauma from Instagram, but co regulation feels like such a funny buzzword.

Rebekka [00:44:58]:
I think that's how we.

Anne [00:44:59]:
So when we met, we thought we trauma bonding, but that's not actually trauma bonding. It's, like, more co regulation where you're like, oh, you went through this. Oh, let me listen about that. Oh, my gosh, I went through this you're not alone kind of thing. And that's actually.

Rebekka [00:45:13]:
And it helped. I mean, it connected us right away in the first coffee, because also, I think when you go through certain traumas or have certain things that not everybody has, like, it is such a relief to meet someone else who feels that way. Or even when you were talking about that book, there's something about, oh, yeah. Reading that book and being like, I see myself in there.

Erin Whitehead [00:45:30]:
It was so. I never underline in books. I mean, I own this. I didn't get it from the library.

Rebekka [00:45:35]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:45:36]:
I was, like, underlining things. And I have a friend who. She is such a good friend. She was like, I would love to hear some of the things you underlined. And so we were, like, on the phone, and I'm reading them to her, and I was like, this is what fatigue feels like.

Rebekka [00:45:47]:
This is what it felt like when.

Erin Whitehead [00:45:48]:
My friends didn't quite get what was going on, you know, like, it was really. So I said to her later, I was like, thank you so much for just wanting to know those things. It's such a huge thing for someone to be able to sit with you and not feel their own or not. And not. I guess I can say, I'm sure she can feel discomfort, but not let her own discomfort take over and then create a distance. Cause I did feel that from some people where, like, chronic illness, I think, is probably really scary to watch someone go through. And I think there can be a. I don't like this.

Erin Whitehead [00:46:17]:
You must be doing something wrong. What are your doctors saying? I would get that a lot. Like, what do your doctors say? As if I was, like, going against them, and I was like, I don't know. All eight of them are fucking stumped.

Rebekka [00:46:26]:
It also is that thing of, like. Yeah, you're thinking about it constantly, so no one else is gonna be able to just, off the top of their head, come up with an idea. Yeah, there's no right to.

Anne [00:46:38]:
Aaron, did you think about cutting out gluten?

Rebekka [00:46:41]:
Did you think about trying to get on SNL?

Anne [00:46:43]:
I'm sure you got it a million times.

Erin Whitehead [00:46:45]:
Wait, what did you say?

Rebekka [00:46:46]:
Think about trying to get on SNL.

Anne [00:46:47]:
I feel like that's what everybody.

Rebekka [00:46:49]:
That might help.

Erin Whitehead [00:46:50]:
Yeah, actually, I really wish I had tried that.

Rebekka [00:46:53]:
That was the most fun. You should call Lauren. Michael.

Anne [00:46:57]:
Good agent.

Rebekka [00:46:58]:
Yeah, yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:46:59]:
Dropped right before the strike.

Rebekka [00:47:01]:
Guys, I tell you what the freaking.

Erin Whitehead [00:47:04]:
I feel like I keep bringing this down. I.

Rebekka [00:47:07]:
The podcast is everything. It's. It's any emotion that you feel. No, you're not. Not, but.

Anne [00:47:17]:
No, no, because we're not fun all the time at all. We're just trying to search for happiness in this life without.

Rebekka [00:47:25]:
Yeah. And literally, we just didn't want to do a podcast where we're just talking about the darkness of alcoholism and addiction and drinking. All of the feelings come up. And it's not that we never struggle with life in general outside of drinking, but, yeah, you know, we're all just.

Erin Whitehead [00:47:42]:
Meeting each other where we're at and finding people. I feel like who can do the ride with you is the most fun. Like, I'm like, my closest friends are the ones where it's like, a conversation goes from us both intensely listening to the other one go through this hard thing, and then, like, cackling with laughter 30 seconds later.

Rebekka [00:47:56]:
That's the best.

Erin Whitehead [00:47:57]:
Those are the best friends. And I'm like, truly, I promise you, we will not get stuck in the sad part.

Rebekka [00:48:02]:
You just don't. But keep coming, keep going on their end. I think it's right.

Anne [00:48:06]:
Like, if you numb them, then they get louder, and they're just like.

Erin Whitehead [00:48:11]:
They fully do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask, by the way, like, I'm sure you've said this on other podcasts, but I can't remember, do your husbands still drink? And how is that?

Rebekka [00:48:21]:
They do.

Erin Whitehead [00:48:21]:
They do. They do.

Anne [00:48:23]:
For me, I judged it the other week, like, big time. Like, he was drinking on, like, a Wednesday, and I was. I poured it down the sink, like.

Erin Whitehead [00:48:34]:
Total codependent, weirdo like a dramatic scene in a movie.

Rebekka [00:48:37]:
Yeah, yeah. She burned chicken dinner. He was like, put her head in the oven.

Anne [00:48:42]:
He was like, listen, I support you not drinking, but I wanted to have a cocktail.

Rebekka [00:48:47]:
And.

Anne [00:48:47]:
And I was like, yeah, you're right.

Erin Whitehead [00:48:49]:
Yeah, that's great that you could have that interaction with me.

Rebekka [00:48:52]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:48:52]:
I was like, you're right.

Anne [00:48:53]:
You're absolutely right. I think that my own issues with it are being like, you know, transferred to you.

Rebekka [00:49:00]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Anne [00:49:01]:
And so we talked about it, and he has been drinking a whole lot less. Cause guess what? We drank a lot together, you know?

Erin Whitehead [00:49:08]:
Right.

Rebekka [00:49:09]:
That's the main thing. My husband drinks. He drinks like a normal person, so he doesn't need to drink a lot. And he drinks rarely, in fact, though, like, he just had a doctor's appointment, like a routine physical, and he said it was the first time he didn't have to, like, kind of fudge how much he drank, because he actually doesn't drink that much anymore because I quit, you know? And so, yeah, so he said the.

Erin Whitehead [00:49:29]:
Same number, but it was actually true.

Rebekka [00:49:31]:
It was actually true, but even less. He was like, oh, I drank, like, one to two drinks, one to two times a week, which is way less than the healthy levels. And it just used to be that I would be like, wanna drink? Let's have a drink. Cause for me, that meant, like, let's bond. Let's have fun.

Erin Whitehead [00:49:46]:
Let's just connect.

Rebekka [00:49:47]:
Let's do this right.

Erin Whitehead [00:49:48]:
I have such good memories of it. It's like, I don't. This is a hard thing to say on this podcast, but I really don't regret any of the drinking I did because of the bonding, but I don't now want to rely on it to bond.

Anne [00:50:01]:
Yes.

Rebekka [00:50:01]:
And actually, you don't really need it to bond. Do you find that your able to still have those times of just joking, laughter and fun without the alcohol? Or do you feel like it's harder because of the.

Erin Whitehead [00:50:13]:
You know, I think what it did for me, and I don't know that I realized this, but I think the level of, like, maybe, like, anxiety and also grief that I've had for many years, I think that alcohol was the little switch that was like, that gets to go on vacation.

Rebekka [00:50:29]:
Right.

Erin Whitehead [00:50:30]:
It's just me right now. And so I feel like I don't know how to do that still.

Rebekka [00:50:34]:
Right.

Erin Whitehead [00:50:34]:
I don't know how to let it go on vacation.

Rebekka [00:50:36]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:50:36]:
Yeah. I have a hard time when it's. Well, like, it's my close friends. It's like, let's go. Let's laugh, let's cackle, let's cry. Let's do all of the emotions right now.

Erin Whitehead [00:50:45]:
Yeah.

Anne [00:50:46]:
In big groups, though, it's still a little tricky. It's a little tricky.

Erin Whitehead [00:50:51]:
I feel like I can sometimes, like, it's interesting now that I think about it. Cause I'm, like, on the podcast where it's like people I've never met, the part of my brain does actually switch off comedy.

Rebekka [00:51:01]:
You can do that comedy?

Erin Whitehead [00:51:02]:
I can do it because it is like, we've all agreed that we're doing make believe pretend time. It's like when you have friends over and you're like, mom, we can't stop now. We're in the forest. But it feels so, so different. I remember I used to think that with wild horses, too, where I was like, I would be so nervous around this guest we have, but I'm not on stage. I can ask this guest. I would otherwise be intimidated by anything and not feel insecure. As soon as we're in the green room, I'm like, thank you so much for coming.

Rebekka [00:51:29]:
You're a celebrity. I get the same way.

Anne [00:51:32]:
I don't want to bother them. And by doing that, like, I'm just.

Erin Whitehead [00:51:36]:
Being weird, but it's interesting that it's like, so comedy and alcohol do a similar thing.

Rebekka [00:51:40]:
Now.

Erin Whitehead [00:51:40]:
How can I find that switch in normal conversation?

Rebekka [00:51:44]:
Yeah, I feel like I have.

Anne [00:51:45]:
I think it's just constantly beyond. Just constantly beyond.

Rebekka [00:51:48]:
Yeah, yeah. Bitch bit city. No, but I do think I don't.

Erin Whitehead [00:51:51]:
Have the bandwidth anymore.

Rebekka [00:51:52]:
Yeah, I like hanging out with. I love hanging out with, like, there's certain friends I can hang out with who aren't drinking, and we can still have those laughs that I used to have with my drinking friends. And I will clock it sometimes and be like, oh, this is that fun time you used to have, but it doesn't come totally naturally. But I think it is getting to the jokes. I think once we can run bits with friends, old comedy friends or whatever, that gets me out of the social awkwardness when I can make jokes with people.

Erin Whitehead [00:52:24]:
Yeah, interesting. I don't know exactly what it is for me because I feel like I can do bits, but I'm still almost like. It's almost like I've hijacked a train. And I'm like, this is not gonna last. Like, we're gonna about to fly off the track. I'm gonna be lying in the room.

Rebekka [00:52:39]:
I've got two minutes left. Okay, let's go.

Erin Whitehead [00:52:41]:
That is sometimes what it feels like. Yeah. To use another buzzword, I'm very aware of my nervous system these days. I'm sure a lot of that is from mold exposure. But I'm like, I can burn out so quickly that being on or, like, doing bits isn't as much of an option anymore. So I'm like, I have to find the way that, like, that feels like alcohol, but isn't.

Rebekka [00:53:03]:
Yeah. Something that feels like a shut off valve.

Erin Whitehead [00:53:06]:
I said it to my mom the other day and she was like. And she did, but by the way, she's not serious, but she knows that I had tried MDA, like, MDMA, a couple years ago, and she was like, maybe just a tiny bit of MDMA, maybe just a microdose.

Rebekka [00:53:17]:
Yeah. Well, that's another thing.

Anne [00:53:20]:
Like, some people, like, after they quit drinking, you know, smoke a lot of weed or, like, do a lot of those kinds of things. And we did that for a while and we talked about that, and both of us aren't doing that now because I'm just more sensitive to anything affecting my brain.

Rebekka [00:53:34]:
It makes me check out too much.

Erin Whitehead [00:53:36]:
I can only use it for sleep because I can't sleep without it. So I'm like, I'd rather have that. But, yeah, I never do it socially. It truly just makes me feel like I have fuzz in my brain.

Rebekka [00:53:47]:
Yeah. It's definitely not a social thing. And I know there's different versions, and some people can just. Just have as much pot as they want to. Make me social. Yeah, it does not make me social. And it just was also activating me, my addictive brain, even just doing it. Then I started thinking, can I do it again today? Should I do it?

Anne [00:54:09]:
Should I smoke it?

Rebekka [00:54:09]:
Should I have it? Oh, I should.

Anne [00:54:10]:
Maybe I'll have it.

Rebekka [00:54:11]:
And I wasn't even doing it every day. It was the brain part, it was the obsession that I realized. And actually, since I, I only quit hot, like, 21 days ago, but since I did that, I actually feel freer because I'm like, oh, no, I can't. So I can't think. Oh, I could today. I could. I could have it if I wanted to, but I'm not going to, but I could. But that voice is, like, fucking gone.

Rebekka [00:54:36]:
And now I do that about my phone or about food. I'm just reducing.

Erin Whitehead [00:54:42]:
Are you guys familiar with Gaber mate?

Rebekka [00:54:45]:
No.

Anne [00:54:46]:
What's that?

Erin Whitehead [00:54:46]:
Oh, my God, he's. I love. What's that? So it's a guy.

Rebekka [00:54:49]:
Oh, my God. No, it sounds like a drink or something.

Erin Whitehead [00:54:53]:
As soon as I said it, I was like, I see why you thought that.

Rebekka [00:54:56]:
We are in a cafe.

Erin Whitehead [00:54:57]:
He's this amazing. Like, I think he used to be an MD and a psychotherapist, but now he's really, like, a researcher, trauma expert. And he writes a lot of books, but he writes a lot about addiction and talks so much about how it really isn't like a chemical in your brain. It's not like a genetic thing, that it's truly filling an emptiness. And that until you address that.

Anne [00:55:20]:
Oh, agreed.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:21]:
It'll just jump from addiction to addiction. Which isn't to say that, of course, a phone addiction is better than heroin.

Rebekka [00:55:26]:
Oh, of course.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:27]:
But it's still eating up your whole life and wasting your precious time.

Anne [00:55:30]:
I feel judged for my hero.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:32]:
I'm so sorry.

Rebekka [00:55:34]:
I'm gonna fill the hole with mud. Is that good? Yeah. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:37]:
Better than heroin.

Rebekka [00:55:38]:
Sorry. Yeah. I'm filler with dicks. Yeah. There I go. Yeah, there we go. Well, it depends on how wide the.

Anne [00:55:48]:
Hole is, how narrow the penises are.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:50]:
It's different on different days.

Rebekka [00:55:51]:
Pencil sized dicks.

Anne [00:55:53]:
Hundreds.

Erin Whitehead [00:55:54]:
A bouquet.

Rebekka [00:55:55]:
Yeah. Big bouquet. Very expensive bouquet of dicks. Sorry. To Rebecca's parents, they were probably like, you know what, mom? We know Rebecca. We're not gonna listen to this anymore. Cause every time I'm like, hi, parents.

Erin Whitehead [00:56:08]:
That's very sweet, though. My mom listens to college town. Oh, that's great. So dirty, so beyond. I just have to forget that, and.

Rebekka [00:56:16]:
You have to be like, well, you're choosing to listen to it, so.

Erin Whitehead [00:56:19]:
And she honestly likes it. Yeah, she has a. I was gonna say great sense of humor. And then I was like, I guess that's a compliment to me. She has. She's not. She's not.

Anne [00:56:28]:
You can give yourself a compliment, Erin.

Rebekka [00:56:29]:
No, she's not. Shut up. She likes amazing podcasts, so she's good.

Erin Whitehead [00:56:35]:
But she's also not, like, hoity toity. I don't know why that's.

Rebekka [00:56:38]:
She's not uptight about.

Erin Whitehead [00:56:39]:
No, she's not. I can't believe you talked about sex. Not at all. She's never been like that. Yeah.

Rebekka [00:56:47]:
So, Gabriel, mate, I highly recommend a.

Anne [00:56:50]:
Hole in your heart.

Erin Whitehead [00:56:51]:
I think he's amazing. And, like, he. If you don't want to read a whole book, which sometimes I truly just don't. I can't. He's on, like, every podcast you can imagine, because he's promoted his books, and every interview is so good. Like, he's so present and so, like, I'll listen to a different one and be like, I just never get tired of. And he has a very, very calming voice.

Rebekka [00:57:07]:
Oh, nice. Yeah, I love that. I love finding people that I don't know, like, I've been listening to every once in a while. Like Jay Shetty, who has the Daily J on the comm app.

Erin Whitehead [00:57:16]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [00:57:16]:
And even I was taking my son to a doctor's appointment this morning, and I just. Well, first of all, my son likes to listen to memes music on Spotify, so it's memes.

Erin Whitehead [00:57:25]:
Okay.

Rebekka [00:57:25]:
And so it's like, oh, there's all these YouTube videos, I guess, that are memes. Some of them are songs that we knew growing up, like baby got back or like MC Hammer or something.

Anne [00:57:34]:
And who do you know that's a.

Erin Whitehead [00:57:35]:
Meme while you listen to the song?

Rebekka [00:57:36]:
No, it's like, there's a meme using a song. And then he has a playlist of those songs, and he just. And they're mostly horrifically annoying. And so he's like, put on my playlist and I'm like, oh, my God, it's like listening to bad video game music. Anyway, I was like, why don't we listen to the Daily J? Because he likes meditation a little bit.

Erin Whitehead [00:57:58]:
Sure, sure.

Rebekka [00:57:58]:
And so I love finding people like that where you can just have them as a touchstone to be like, oh, just their voice or just like, just as soon as you. That, to me, will, like, clock me into, like, a little relaxation brain.

Erin Whitehead [00:58:10]:
I find the same thing because I go on a walk every night just as, like a, you know, end of day, stay healthy, keep my brain occupied, whatever. And I usually listen to music, but if my anxiety is too high, the thoughts just override.

Rebekka [00:58:23]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:58:23]:
So I will then put on a podcast because I feel like that, and he's a great one for that because he's talking about the things that I'm dealing with, but it's not me. Having to think about my own things.

Rebekka [00:58:33]:
Directly gives you little tools. Tips and tools.

Erin Whitehead [00:58:36]:
Tips and tools and tools.

Rebekka [00:58:37]:
Yeah. Hey, tips and tools. Hey, tips and tools. My name's tips and tools.

Erin Whitehead [00:58:42]:
I feel like you guys were sagging into, like, a this, and now we do our sagging.

Rebekka [00:58:45]:
Tips and tips and tools and tools. You're speaking about nice voices to listen to.

Anne [00:58:56]:
One thing we always ask is like, is there something you're doing in this time that is fun, that you're finding that is like, bringing you happiness?

Rebekka [00:59:07]:
And you might have already said it. Talking to your friends, doing your podcast.

Erin Whitehead [00:59:11]:
Friend phone calls are huge, for sure. Yeah, the podcast. But also, that's like, you know, that's my job right now. Yeah, that's work.

Anne [00:59:18]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:59:19]:
I feel like, I mean, this is so funny to categorize. This is fun, I guess. But I will say that during the mold and then the pandemic, my brain just kind of stopped wanting to read books at all.

Rebekka [00:59:31]:
Yeah.

Erin Whitehead [00:59:32]:
And I was so upset about it that I was like, I'm joining a book club. I'm forcing myself to learn how to read again. And I did, and now I'm like, oh, thank God. Reading is fun again. I think it was like, three quarters of the way through the second book, because the first book, I was like, this is hell.

Anne [00:59:45]:
What?

Erin Whitehead [00:59:45]:
You just move your eyes over words.

Anne [00:59:47]:
I can't believe I ever did this.

Erin Whitehead [00:59:48]:
And then, like, in the second book, I was like, there's pictures in my head.

Rebekka [00:59:51]:
Like, it came back.

Erin Whitehead [00:59:53]:
Oh, wow. And I really was like, this is so good for your brain. And, like, reading long form things I think is so physical.

Rebekka [00:59:59]:
Or do you read physical? I can't.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:01]:
Yeah, I love to hold the book.

Rebekka [01:00:02]:
Me too. I like a physical book.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:04]:
I do too.

Anne [01:00:05]:
I like to caress the book.

Rebekka [01:00:06]:
Yeah. Sleep with it.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:08]:
Yeah, yeah. Always keep a book between your knees.

Rebekka [01:00:11]:
I feel actually, instead of mud, I'm gonna put a book in the hole in my heart.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:15]:
Love it, love it, love it. Yep. You know what?

Anne [01:00:17]:
So I was talking about the hiking. I love a hike, but this is silly. But I went out to lunch twice in a row last weekend. I know.

Rebekka [01:00:27]:
Whoa, whoa.

Anne [01:00:28]:
Twice in a row?

Rebekka [01:00:28]:
She doesn't like to spend money.

Anne [01:00:29]:
No, no, no.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:30]:
Oh, I was so excited. I was like, I love that you.

Rebekka [01:00:33]:
Did this double lunch. Done that before.

Erin Whitehead [01:00:36]:
I often eat lunch and then go out just in case I'm not into the menu. And then if I am, I eat two lunches.

Anne [01:00:41]:
But I went out, like, once on Saturday because, like, Moira's basketball ended as a little celebration. And then we went after the hike to get tacos and I. Our industry is kind of fun. And, like, going out to lunch with my whole family, like, just seems like such a splurge. And I did it twice in a row, and I was so happy. I felt great.

Erin Whitehead [01:01:04]:
Good.

Anne [01:01:04]:
I felt great.

Erin Whitehead [01:01:05]:
That's money so well spent. That does go back to what I was saying, too, where, like, even though LA is so insanely overpriced, I'm not like, oh, if I hadn't spent money on all those meals out, I could afford a down payment. I'm like, I had such a great time with all my friends and, like, truly forged bonds during that time, I.

Anne [01:01:24]:
Felt like I was on vacation.

Rebekka [01:01:26]:
Sounds so stupid.

Anne [01:01:27]:
That's great. I clean up dishes.

Erin Whitehead [01:01:29]:
I think it's so. I think it's so worth it. I don't love the binary way of thinking about money where it's like, but you could have saved it. And it's like, I could have also saved money, so I could have shared.

Anne [01:01:37]:
It in, but I could die today.

Rebekka [01:01:39]:
And so I had some fun.

Erin Whitehead [01:01:40]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [01:01:41]:
So she went to lunch twice. You only live once. Have lunch twice.

Anne [01:01:46]:
I am the biggest dork again. You don't want to be in a throuple with me, and you don't want to be my friend.

Erin Whitehead [01:01:52]:
I've been watching Brooklyn 999, so the only word. The only phrase I have in my head, or anyone says anything is title of your sex tape. Title of your sex tape. Jade says all the time. So you said that I was like, title of your sex tape? But I had to quote it because otherwise people would be like, she fucking just stole that from Brooklyn night, which I'm so late to the party, by the way. It's such a funny show.

Rebekka [01:02:15]:
It's fun to go back and watch old comedy things. Yeah. And be like, oh, right. Yeah, I used to.

Anne [01:02:20]:
I like comedy.

Rebekka [01:02:21]:
I like comedy. I know.

Erin Whitehead [01:02:22]:
And I didn't really used to watch it as much.

Rebekka [01:02:24]:
Yeah.

Anne [01:02:25]:
When I was doing comedy so much, I didn't watch that much because it felt like homework or something like that.

Erin Whitehead [01:02:30]:
I was also always afraid I would steal by accident.

Rebekka [01:02:32]:
Like, if I was in an improv.

Erin Whitehead [01:02:33]:
Show, I was like, I don't know. I've seen people, like, when I would teach classes, I would see people truly start a scene with a line from friends. And I was like, we can't do this. And the person would pick it up, too, and be like, I saw that. I was like, let's just do this scene.

Rebekka [01:02:44]:
And you're like, that's not. No, but I was also, like, even.

Erin Whitehead [01:02:47]:
Doing it accidentally, I didn't want to do, you know? So I think there was part of it, too. I was like, let's just watch completely other stuff. But now my brain is only like.

Anne [01:02:55]:
Sometimes I just want happy stuff. I just want really heavy stuff. I'm like, no, no, no. But as heavy as I can go right now is, like white Lotus, where it's like, there's, like, a mystery. But I'm not seeing a lot of dead bodies.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:06]:
I get so stressed by how much money they have, and I don't.

Anne [01:03:11]:
They're all terrible, miserable people.

Rebekka [01:03:12]:
I get travel jealousy. I get travel jealousy. Cause I look at the water, and I'm like, oh, my God. Now I'm like, take me to Sicily.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:21]:
And I'm just like, can I be friends with Mike White?

Rebekka [01:03:23]:
Yeah, come on. Come on. Get me on there.

Anne [01:03:25]:
Mike White, if you're listening, Mike White, we want to be your non drink.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:29]:
I'm a really good friend. Looking right into camera right now.

Rebekka [01:03:32]:
Oh, I'm gonna.

Anne [01:03:34]:
Atrocious friend. You don't wanna be my friend, but come on.

Rebekka [01:03:37]:
Let's take a fine friend. So this is like the Goldilocks. A friend?

Erin Whitehead [01:03:40]:
She's a bad person. She's just fine.

Rebekka [01:03:41]:
I'm a great friend. Be friends with Erin.

Anne [01:03:45]:
Yeah, be friends with Aaron.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:45]:
I will dye the gray for a part.

Rebekka [01:03:48]:
Okay, Mike, she's throwing down the gauntlet for you.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:52]:
It's toxic, but I'll put it on my sleeve.

Anne [01:03:54]:
She would not do that for Wendy.

Rebekka [01:03:56]:
No.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:56]:
No.

Anne [01:03:56]:
Or Burger King.

Erin Whitehead [01:03:58]:
No.

Anne [01:03:58]:
Any of the fast food joints.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:00]:
Are we talking about dyeing my hair for a fast food joint? I feel like I lost.

Anne [01:04:03]:
No, I just went. Cause you said commercial auditions before I went. A big leap.

Rebekka [01:04:07]:
Thank you. No, now I understand.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:10]:
I was like, I'll go into those places without dying my hair.

Rebekka [01:04:12]:
I feel fine. They won't let you. They won't let you. They'll be like, get out. I can't let the girl at Wendy's.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:17]:
See me like this.

Rebekka [01:04:18]:
Yeah, you need to have red hair and pigtails to go into wendy's now.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:21]:
The world is crazy, and it's only.

Anne [01:04:23]:
In this city how pathetic my career has gotten during the pandemic. Like, they had COVID backups, and they were like, they put me on a veil for commercial, and then they, like, they were like, you didn't get it, but they want you as a COVID backup if you dye your hair red.

Rebekka [01:04:36]:
Whoa.

Anne [01:04:37]:
No.

Rebekka [01:04:38]:
The COVID backup?

Anne [01:04:39]:
Why does my hair have to be.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:41]:
Like, a three year commitment for it to grow out?

Rebekka [01:04:45]:
Like, have they ever heard of wigs for a commercial?

Anne [01:04:47]:
Controversial, but also nothing as a backup.

Erin Whitehead [01:04:52]:
Wow.

Anne [01:04:52]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [01:04:53]:
Anyways, sorry. Someone is like, I would have done it. Lucky bitch. Well, thank you so much, Erin, for coming on.

Erin Whitehead [01:05:03]:
Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun.

Anne [01:05:05]:
This is really fun.

Erin Whitehead [01:05:06]:
So that was it. That was fun.

Rebekka [01:05:08]:
That's it.

Anne [01:05:13]:
Erin is just such a lovely human being.

Rebekka [01:05:17]:
She is. And obviously, her reasons for quitting drinking are different from ours, but it really just goes to show how much alcohol can be destructive. Destructive to your body, especially if you have other things going on with it.

Anne [01:05:33]:
A million percent yeah. And I also. I really am thinking about the need for connection and how she was talking about. I need to remember, I need to go back and listen because I'm like, she named the person you all who were just listening. Just listen to this person she named.

Rebekka [01:05:49]:
We're gonna put it in the show notes.

Anne [01:05:50]:
In the show notes. But I will go back. It went out of my brain. But the need for connection. Addiction is a hole, and we fill it with something, and connection is the solution to that. So finding connection in ways, it's where the fun comes from. I'm not having fun by myself. I'm having fun when I do stuff with other people.

Rebekka [01:06:15]:
Right. And also, like, connecting with people. It doesn't mean that you have to just, like, if you don't have the energy to be on all the time, as we were saying, just running bits and constantly making jokes. It's not about that. It's literally about just checking in with people and how important that is, especially in the society we live in now, where it's so easy to isolate, but it never really makes you feel better. Long term isolation does not make you feel better.

Anne [01:06:40]:
No. I mean, sometimes, regardless of what you're going through, sometimes you need to rest and restore. You don't want to go out all the time, but it's important, even in those times, to, like, pick up the phone and call someone.

Rebekka [01:06:50]:
Exactly. Something that doesn't exhaust you to your. Whatever it is that you can do to your comfort level. But still. Yeah, it was great talking to her.

Anne [01:06:59]:
She's lovely.

Rebekka [01:07:00]:
Yeah.

Anne [01:07:00]:
Yeah.

Rebekka [01:07:01]:
Okay. I have made us a drink. I haven't made it yet. I'm about to make us.

Anne [01:07:06]:
Okay. Got it.

Rebekka [01:07:06]:
It's not really a mocktail, but, you know, I hope no one will sue me for it not being a mocktail.

Anne [01:07:14]:
The mocktail police might come after your ass.

Rebekka [01:07:16]:
Damn it. But this is inspired by a drink I've had at the dumpling joint, dinh daifeng. Ooh.

Anne [01:07:26]:
Which is delicious soup dumplings.

Rebekka [01:07:28]:
So good. But they have, it's similar to an Arnold Palmer, but it's iced green tea and freshly squeezed orange juice. And let me tell you, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. And so when a neighbor had some oranges that they were giving away from their tree, I jumped at the chance.

Anne [01:07:46]:
Oh, citrus, please.

Rebekka [01:07:49]:
Yes, citrus, please. I said, I'll take that. And luckily, you have ice green tea here at the Lyric Hyperion cafe.

Anne [01:07:58]:
Yes.

Rebekka [01:07:59]:
So what we are going to do is we are going to do some.

Erin Whitehead [01:08:02]:
Fresh squares, squish it up, baby.

Rebekka [01:08:06]:
Squeezing the orange juice into the juice into the.

Anne [01:08:10]:
You need to get some money. She doesn't have pants to get juice on.

Rebekka [01:08:12]:
I have a dress. She has a dress today, so I can get it on my bare legs.

Anne [01:08:17]:
Oh, wow.

Rebekka [01:08:19]:
They say I'm juicy. Freshly squeezed. Now, I don't know how much they put in, but I'm going to do an orange per drink because these oranges.

Anne [01:08:28]:
Free and they're kind of tiny. Real, real oranges. Oh, my gosh.

Rebekka [01:08:33]:
Oh, God.

Anne [01:08:33]:
Going everywhere.

Rebekka [01:08:34]:
Oh, God. That's okay. It might be better to not squeeze it right into your glass. And.

Anne [01:08:41]:
I also have a much easier citrus. I should bring it in.

Rebekka [01:08:44]:
Sorry. That's okay. I just like to watch yours. Let me do yours. Okay. Yeah. In truth, you could do this yourself, but I'm doing it for you.

Anne [01:08:53]:
Okay.

Rebekka [01:08:54]:
This is my act of service today.

Anne [01:08:56]:
Oh, my gosh.

Rebekka [01:08:57]:
I'll squeeze your juice anytime.

Anne [01:08:59]:
You know what? I have to. I have to just take a moment to talk about how I enjoy drinking more, you know, beverages than I did before. When you're. When you're drinking alcohol, like, I'd be like, I can't have a regular coke. I can't have this, like. Like, a mocktail with a real juice in it because of, like, whatever programming and calories and whatnot.

Rebekka [01:09:20]:
Right?

Anne [01:09:20]:
I'm, like, effing, this is delicious. And way better for me to have some fresh squeezed orange juice.

Rebekka [01:09:25]:
Oh, yeah.

Anne [01:09:26]:
Than poison.

Rebekka [01:09:28]:
Yeah, absolutely. And I know for a fact. Cause I did taste one of these oranges at home that they're pretty tart. So I'm gonna pop some honey in there. And by pop, I mean it's real thick.

Anne [01:09:42]:
I don't even know if it's gonna come out, honestly.

Rebekka [01:09:45]:
Oh, it's coming, baby. Really?

Anne [01:09:46]:
Just have patience.

Rebekka [01:09:47]:
Oh, yeah.

Anne [01:09:47]:
Well, there's a glob.

Rebekka [01:09:49]:
There's a glob of honey there and a glibity glob for you. Glibity glob it up. Then I could also use the spoon to help it along there. Okay. So I put a little honey. So we have freshly squeezed orange juice. We have an orange in each. And then I had glasses pre filled with ice, and then now I'm just giving some tea now.

Rebekka [01:10:15]:
You know, one has a little more tea. One has a little more orange. What do you want, tea? A little more tea? Orange. You want tea forward or orange forward?

Anne [01:10:21]:
I want orange forward.

Rebekka [01:10:22]:
All right, here you go.

Anne [01:10:23]:
I'm not afraid of some juice.

Rebekka [01:10:25]:
I hope that the honey's not a glob. There.

Anne [01:10:27]:
It might be a glob.

Erin Whitehead [01:10:33]:
It looks like a bee just sneezed.

Rebekka [01:10:36]:
Right there on the spoon. Yeah. So the honey. You know what? It's oda honey. Oda honey. Yeah.

Anne [01:10:42]:
It's just a hint of honey. And then you might just get a big old glob in the mouth.

Rebekka [01:10:46]:
A big old beetle.

Anne [01:10:48]:
Honey, be spit.

Rebekka [01:10:49]:
Here you go. Okay. Cheers.

Anne [01:10:51]:
And what are we gonna call this?

Rebekka [01:10:57]:
Might need more orange juice.

Anne [01:11:00]:
Oh, I feel the. I feel the orange now.

Rebekka [01:11:03]:
It's still really refreshing.

Anne [01:11:05]:
It's very refreshing.

Rebekka [01:11:05]:
Like having. It's not an Arnold Palmer.

Anne [01:11:08]:
Mm hmm.

Rebekka [01:11:09]:
My dad said it's called an orange palmer.

Anne [01:11:11]:
An orange palmer?

Rebekka [01:11:12]:
Yeah. And my mom says because Arnold Palmer put on a bunch of tan. Fake tanner.

Anne [01:11:19]:
Okay.

Rebekka [01:11:19]:
Is now orange Palmer. This is what the discussion was at the breakfast table.

Erin Whitehead [01:11:23]:
Oh, okay.

Anne [01:11:24]:
Orange. Well, you look orange when you have fake tanner on.

Rebekka [01:11:26]:
That's why they said orange Palmer.

Erin Whitehead [01:11:28]:
Okay. Oompa loompa Palmer.

Anne [01:11:32]:
Is that bad?

Rebekka [01:11:33]:
Well, I think they were doing a play on words of an Arnold Palmer and an orange palmer, so we could just go with that.

Anne [01:11:39]:
Let's just go with orange Palmer.

Rebekka [01:11:41]:
I'm out. You know what? My parents, you know, they get shoutouts every episode, and now, finally, they got to name a mocktail the orange Palmer.

Anne [01:11:51]:
Cheers.

Rebekka [01:11:51]:
Cheers.

Anne [01:11:53]:
Oh, please rate us. Leave a review. Leave a mocktail recipe. Oh, you've got a good mocktail recipe.

Erin Whitehead [01:12:01]:
Please leave one.

Anne [01:12:02]:
We will name you in this podcast.

Rebekka [01:12:04]:
Even if there's, like, a soft spirit you like. Cause I need to. I need to fill my non liquor cabinet with some more soft spirits. Cause I've been making a lot of things that don't involve them, which is nice, because then you don't have to buy more stuff. But I would love to just, you know, get inspired. Give me a suggestion. I'm an improviser.

Anne [01:12:23]:
I will go with it. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Rebekka [01:12:25]:
Yes, yes, yes.

Anne [01:12:26]:
And I will drink it.

Rebekka [01:12:27]:
Yes, baby.

Anne [01:12:28]:
She will go with it. And I will drink it.

Rebekka [01:12:29]:
Yes. That's what we do.

Anne [01:12:31]:
But thank you for listening. Share it. If anyone is sober, curious, sober, not sober, but just wants to listen to this content. Come on.

Rebekka [01:12:41]:
Come on. And if you need a non drinking buddy, we will be there for you.

Anne [01:12:45]:
Yes, we will.

Rebekka [01:12:46]:
Thank you.

Anne [01:12:46]:
Thank you.

Rebekka [01:12:49]:
How many dicks do you think it would take to fill the hole that you have in your heart?

Anne [01:12:52]:
Oh, I've actually done the math. 3143.

Rebekka [01:12:56]:
Wow, you're really good at math.

Erin Whitehead [01:12:59]:
Thank you.

Anne [01:12:59]:
I was on the math team.

Rebekka [01:13:01]:
Classic.

Anne [01:13:02]:
We only did dick based math.

Rebekka [01:13:04]:
Well, that's problematic.