Episode 30: Reclaiming Your Energy by Letting Go

In this solocast episode, we dive into the power of letting go and focusing only on what we can control. As physicians, we’re wired to fix problems, but when we try to control the uncontrollable, it leads to frustration, exhaustion, and burnout. 

I’ll share key insights from my book, The Purposeful MD-Creating the Life You Love Without Guilt, to help you recognize when it’s time to let go and how to shift your energy toward what truly matters. 

Listen in for practical strategies to reclaim your time, energy, and peace of mind.

Transcript

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Welcome to the PurposefulMD Podcast. As a physician, you've sacrificed so much of your life for other people. Your patients, your family, your friends, and your colleagues. What would it feel like to spend time doing what you enjoy, and to live without guilt? I'm your host, Dr. Laura Suttin. a family physician, certified coach, and business owner. If you're a medical professional on a journey towards your most purposeful life, a life with more time and energy and ultimately, more joy, then this is the podcast for you. Welcome back to another episode of The Purposeful MD. So happy that you're with us today. I'm going to spend some time on a topic that has been really top of mind for me lately. And I spend a whole chapter on it in my book. It's about letting go of things that we don't have control of. And this has been coming up in a lot of conversations I've had with people lately. So I really wanted to spend some time on this. So, as you all know, I'm a physician, if you're a physician listening to this, this resonates with you. Even if you're not, I know this resonates with a lot of folks that we carry so much weight on our shoulders. So physicians carry the responsibilities of our patients, of our teams, and no matter what setting we're in, we have responsibilities for our families, um, to our colleagues, our friends, and so we kind of carry this burden around thinking that we should be responsible for everything, but we, we really aren't, we just can't be. And physicians are trained to fix problems and to prevent problems from happening and to solve problems. And we're trained so well that we are literally wired for this. Our brains are wired. I'm going to spend another episode at some point talking about how our brains are wired for sometimes a lot of negative thinking. But in this context, you know, we're, again, we're wired as physicians to, to solve problems. And that really can make us very good at what we do. I mean, if we go to the emergency room when we're injured, we want to know that that emergency room physician and team can, can fix us and can heal us. We go to a surgeon. I had surgery a few years ago. I really wanted to know my surgeon could fix what was going on with me. And so it makes us good at what we do and it can backfire. So when we try to control everything, we try to fix everything, we realize that we can't, and it can be exhausting. So a story that's really illustrated this for me is that, so I'm recording this in February, we had a crazy cold snow spell a few weeks ago in South Texas where I live, and it's warm now, warm enough that we can get outside, start to work in the yard, and of course a lot of our plants froze, our plants are not used to being in, are in freezing temperatures, and so this is a time when we're doing a lot of trimming, cutting back bushes in the yard. And when we've done this, usually about this time of year, it can feel really like, oh, we're cutting these things and we're, we're cutting down these branches, and it can feel very much like we're, we're cutting something that is useful. And, but when the job is done, the yard, it looks kind of bare, but it looks beautiful in a way. It looks like, okay, now it's almost empty and it creates room for the plants to grow and to bloom and to flourish and thrive. And I feel like that's just such a metaphor for life. is that when we clear away what's not serving us, right? These dead branches, if we keep them on the, on the plants, they're going to cause the plants to die. So they're not serving, they're just taking up space and they're ugly. So we get rid of them and we're making room for those plants to thrive. The same thing with us. When we can let go of what's not serving us, we free up space. We free up space mentally, emotionally, and physically for the things that matter. And so I'm going to get into that a little bit with you and get you all into action as well. So if you know me, you know I'm all about let's, let's take action on something that we've learned. So getting back to things that we can and can't control, it's really illusion, an illusion that we have control over things in our lives. And we have control over actually a lot less than we wish we did, than we think we do. As I mentioned before, physicians are trained to fix things, to control the environment. And yet, I remember when I first started really treating patients in my residency, and then when I finished residency in my first job. This real frustrating just aspect of taking care of patients that we can't control what they do. I can prescribe the medication. I can tell the patient this is how it's going to benefit you. I can't control whether or not the patient takes it. I can't control whether a patient does things that we know are going to help improve their health. I can't control whether or not that patient is going to respond to a particular treatment. I can't control how my colleagues behave. I can't control a lot of the environment that I'm in. And I also can't control what other people think of me. That was something that still is really, really difficult. And I, I did an episode on people pleasing and I encourage you to go back and listen to that if that's something that you, that you struggle with. I know I do. That's why I did the episode on it. So we, we have to realize first that there's very little that we can control. And, when we cling too much to what we can't control, then we get frustrated, we get exhausted, and then eventually we're going to get burned out. If you are wondering if this might be happening to you, here are a few things that are signs that you might be holding on to things too tightly. If you feel like you have to do everything yourself, because no one will do it right. I see this all the time. I feel this in my own family. Well, I'll just load the dishwasher, because nobody else can do it the way I can, or I'll just do the laundry, because nobody else can do it the way I can. So that's probably me, definitely me holding onto control. If you feel responsible for things that are outside of your control, like how your patients do or do not comply with your treatment plans, if you're a healthcare provider, or how other people perceive you. Another sign is that constant feeling of being drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. And so, if that resonates with you, I see you, and there is another way. Let's get into it. Three things I want you to ask yourself, if you're in this situation. Is this something that I can actually influence? And be really honest with yourself and you might have to ask somebody else to maybe sometimes we get too close to the situation. And when we can ask somebody else, that can be really helpful. If the answer is no, then let's talk about how do we let go of that? Because if we're holding on to it, it's just draining our energy. The second thing is, am I expending energy on something outside my control? And is it worth it? Is it worth this energy that it's taking? And then the last question is, what is the cost of holding on? So, if we're spending energy worrying about things we can't control, then that's energy that we can't focus on things that we can control. So a couple questions to think about as you're exploring this and really having some insights about things that you can control, things that you can't control. So here's an exercise that I want you guys to do to help understand what are the things that we can control and what are we can't. So if you're able to, I want you to draw a small circle on a sheet of paper. That's your inner circle, that's what you can control. And there are really only three things that you can control. What you say, what you think, and what you do. What you say, what you think, and what, what you do. Those are the things that you can control. So that's in your inner circle. Now draw another circle around that that's a little bit bigger, so a concentric circle. So that's the middle circle. That's what you can influence, but you can't control it. So you can influence if your patients comply with you. You can influence the culture of your workplace. You can influence your family. Right? We can influence politics, but we can't control it. And then the outer circle, to draw another circle around that, that's what's completely outside of your control. So that might be policies that your institution sets, what other people say and what other people do, the weather, um, a lot of politics we cannot control. And so, but that's where we spend the most of our time and energy. And that can be really, really stressful, when we focus on things that we can't control. But when we look in or inward to what we can control, it is actually really, really empowering. It starts to feel like, at first it feels like, well, that's depressing that I can't control these other things. But again, remember what I said, if we're expending energy focusing on what we can't control, then we're not spending that energy and focus on what we can control. That's where the power comes from. So when we can shift that power and, you know, just like flip that switch and start really focusing what we can control, we realize how much power we actually do have. So how do we let go? That's the question. If you're realizing, gosh, there are some things that I just can't control. So a lot of it is shifting our minds, shifting what we think, and it takes practice to think new thoughts. So maybe a thought or a mantra like I let go of, or I release what I can't control. Even if you don't believe it, just saying it to yourself can be really, really helpful. Another thing you can do is an energy audit. So look at what are the things that are draining you. You can delegate, you can automate, you can eliminate a lot of things. Um, again, it's not always easy, but ask yourself, what's the cost? What's the cost of holding onto this? And then the next time you catch yourself feeling responsible for something that's outside of your control, just kind of notice, ask yourself, is this mine to carry? Is this mine to carry? I love that question. I ask myself that all the time. Is this mine to carry? And if not, just let it go. And again, it takes a practice. It's a practice. So I hope this has been helpful for you. Again, I just want to, I just want to reiterate that letting go is not about giving up. It's not about just saying, well, screw it. Everything is hopeless and there's nothing I can do anyway. It's really very freeing. Because then you can focus on what truly matters. And when we stop trying to control things that are outside of our control, we get back so much time and energy, and peace of mind. So my challenge for you in this next seven days, is identify, identify one thing that you're holding on to that you can't control and actively let it go. Some people do rituals or some form of, maybe it's something physical you can throw away or burn in a very controlled environment or get rid of somehow if it's a physical reminder that you need, but actively let that go. Maybe it's something at work that's frustrating. Maybe it's worrying about what other people think. Maybe it's a responsibility that's not really yours, and it's a boundary that you need to set. Whatever that is, make the decision and commit to releasing it. As you're doing this, I would love to hear from you. Let me know what's something that you're working on. What's something that you're working on letting go of? I'd love to hear from you either via email, comment on, ah my post when I post this on social media on LinkedIn and Facebook. Feel free to drop me an email, laura@thepurposefulmd.com And again, if you, just remember, you have more power than you think, not in controlling everything, but choosing where your energy goes. I hope this has been helpful for you. If you're interested in this, I've got some great practices in my book. Check out my book on my website at thepurposefulmd.com/book. And until next time, take care of yourself and keep living your life with purpose. While I am a physician, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult with your own healthcare provider before making any significant changes to your lifestyle or routine. By listening to this podcast, you are not creating a physician-patient relationship. Thank you for listening to the Purposeful MD podcast. If you like what you hear, please rate and review the show. Please also visit my website, www.thepurposefulmd.com for free downloads or to discuss working with me as your coach.