From Grief to Grace: A Caregiver's Journey w| Kimberly Drake

What happens when you're simultaneously planning a wedding, caring for dying parents, supporting a graduating daughter, and maintaining a demanding nursing career? This raw and powerful conversation with clinical nurse coordinator Kimberly Drake reveals the often unseen struggles of caregivers who wear multiple hats while navigating profound personal grief.

Drake opens up about her 18-month journey through an emotional storm that began during what should have been one of her happiest seasons. Shortly after becoming engaged, she received the devastating news that her mother needed hospice care. Within months, her mother passed away, followed by her father's declining health and eventual death – all while Drake was planning her wedding and supporting her daughter through high school graduation.

The conversation delves deep into the emotional challenges caregivers face, particularly the pressure to remain strong for everyone else at the expense of their own well-being. Drake shares how previous relationship trauma created barriers to vulnerability that complicated her grief process, and how counseling provided her with essential tools to navigate her emotions without judgment. Her powerful realization that "it's OK to feel, it's OK to cry, it's OK to hurt" offers a healing message for listeners experiencing similar struggles.

Perhaps most inspiring is Drake's transformation from questioning "Why me?" to embracing "Why not me?" – shifting away from victim mentality toward purposeful resilience. Through prayer, journaling, and open communication with her support network, she discovered strategies for remaining grounded during overwhelming moments. Her blog, Kim Talks, now serves as a platform to share her experiences with others navigating grief, divorce, health challenges, and parenthood.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone feeling isolated in their caregiving journey or struggling to balance multiple responsibilities while processing personal loss. Drake's story reminds us that authentic strength isn't about wearing a mask of perfection – it's about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, seeking support when needed, and standing strong even when everything seems to be falling apart.

Chapters

• 0:00 Kimberly Drake's Introduction
• 3:32 The 18-Month Grief Journey
• 9:16 Balancing Vulnerability and Strength
• 15:47 Finding Healing Through Counseling
• 21:54 The Power of Prayer and Support
• 26:59 Kim Talks Blog and Moving Forward
• 29:30 Final Thoughts and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

I know some people probably had it hard, but I was blessed. They ain't never saw my mom and dad in stress. They only shows. They said I'm living comfy from the sweat off they bags and that's why all I ever wanted was to give it back. I'm not ashamed because I was raised right. I would only be ashamed if I didn't help you fight through the pain, help you drain out the games that your mind plays. No matter what, I'm never letting my shine fade away, forever searching. Outro Music.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Journey Out podcast. Today we have another amazing episode. But first things first, we want to make sure you guys like, subscribe, comment, share this information out to everybody who you think will be, you know, able to just enjoy it and journey through their life with this information that they're getting.

Speaker 2: 1:18

uh, we have a great guest today yes, yes an awesome guest by the name of Kimberly Drake yes, yes, yes come on y'all round of applause, okay, so today we will be talking with Miss Kimberly Drake about grief to grace and it's just such an impactful, just journey and story that she'll be sharing with us today, and so I got tissues ready, we on board like we're locked and loaded, and so please just give a warm welcome to Miss Kimberly Drake.

Speaker 4: 1:48

Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful to be here with you guys. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:54

So we'll be talking about from grief to grace today, pretty much a caregiver's journey through loss, healing and hope, right? So, first and foremost, please tell us who you are and what you do.

Speaker 4: 2:06

Well, my name is Kimberly Drake. I am a clinical nurse coordinator at Medical City Dallas. I've been a nurse for the last 22 years and I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister multiple hats and I have a blog called Kim Talks Blog, and I also have an organization called Be Unique where we focus on youth making confidence a lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 2:32

Awesome.

Speaker 4: 2:33

Awesome.

Speaker 2: 2:33

So that's who we are today, right, but there was a storm that you encountered previously.

Speaker 3: 2:42

During your life journey.

Speaker 2: 2:43

During your life journey you encountered previously during your life. During your life, yes. So how did you manage grief while continuing to show up as a mother, a nurse and a spouse? And tell me kind of a little bit of what that, how you got to that point well, definitely was hard, but I leaned on my faith.

Speaker 4: 3:01

Um, faith definitely has gotten me through um. Without god's grace and mercy I wouldn't be here, because there were times that I didn't think I could handle it all. I felt like everything was coming down on me. But because I know I'm rooted and grounded in God, I leaned to my faith and that's what got me through and course, my community, my family, my friends. That definitely makes a difference so between faith and community.

Speaker 2: 3:29

That's what now talk to me a little bit about the grief. What happened and what was that?

Speaker 3: 3:36

like because you was wearing many hats as a mother, a nurse, uh, a leader, a spouse, right? So tell me what happened during that process, while you was running.

Speaker 4: 3:48

Well, recently, with the whole grief process, I, um, it was like an 18 month journey. So I got engaged. I was so excited I was ready to go tell my parents like, hey, I'm getting married and my mom, she suffered from dementia. Um, my dad has COPD, um, and so, even though my mom had dementia you know with dementia they have periods of time, periods of clarity so I went to tell her that, um, I was engaged and I knew that, she knew that I was happy because she hugged me and she said everybody deserves somebody, and that just like warmed my heart.

Speaker 4: 4:32

I was like you know, she knows she really knows that I'm happy. And so I went through that process and started planning a wedding and I guess about five or six months in, I got a call that they was going to have to put my mom on hospice. So we made that decision and that was one of the hardest decisions of my life because, you know, as a nurse, you know hospice usually means it's about that time, you know, and I had to roll with it and then about so that was April, may, june, so about three months later my mom passed. So I'm like, okay, I'm supposed to plan a wedding and I'm like, and now I'm in the process of planning a funeral. So help my dad with planning the funeral and everything.

Speaker 4: 5:23

My dad was the one that kept me going, to be honest, because I just wanted to be strong for him, right, I knew he had lost his wife of 61 years and I didn't want to just break down. So I felt like that's what held me together, so taking care of my dad, making sure he was good, and for a while he seemed like he was getting back, you know, in the swing of things, and then he just took a turn and he had a heart attack. He got better, then he fell and then it just like spiraled from there. So I went from being so excited about getting engaged to my mom passing to now my dad's in the hospital and trying to, you know, figure that whole part out, all while still trying to plan a wedding. And my daughter is a senior about to graduate from high school. So I'm like, lord Lord, how do we do this? How do we manage?

Speaker 1: 6:20

all of this.

Speaker 4: 6:21

And I remember it was about um three weeks before my dad passed. He had fell and we went down to see about him and we laid in bed all day and, um, we was watching some football game and I was like dad, how you feeling. He was like, oh, you know, the old body wearing down, you know.

Speaker 4: 6:41

So every time he starts to talk like that, I'm like dad, you're fine, you're okay you know, and so we was getting ready to leave and my dad, he went, took a shower and he, you know, got all ready and I said, oh, look at you. I said you got some energy. I was like, all right. I was like, so you getting ready to walk me down the aisle? And he said, no, I'm probably not gonna be able to do that. When I tell you the life left out of me because I was like dad, what do you mean, you know?

Speaker 4: 7:14

and so tears started rolling down my eyes and he was like no, you gotta be strong, you gotta be strong. And so I'm like all right, dad. I was like. I was like I don't want to hear it. And so he started talking to me and mark, and he said you know, you gotta slow down. You know, you, you're trying to do too much. He was like you can't do everything and so I was like, okay, dad.

Speaker 4: 7:37

And then mark came in and he told mark the same thing. He was like, yeah, you're't do everything. And so I was like, okay, dad. And then Mark came in and he told Mark the same thing. He was like yeah, you trying to be everywhere for everybody, you got to slow down. And he was like you know, when I passed out the other day, he said I was at peace. And he said I want that peace back. And a part of me was like, oh, help you with this piece we can figure out the piece right.

Speaker 4: 8:02

But then a part of me was like he was married for 61 years to my mom, so I know he wants that back. And I can't be selfish as I'm enjoying this moment of getting ready to go into holy matrimony and want him to stay here. And so we got ready to leave. He was like you can make it home, I promise ain't nothing going to happen tonight. So I was like okay and so, and it didn't. But three weeks later, like three o'clock in the morning, I got phone call and um, my sister was just screaming and um, he passed away. And then I had to. I remember he passed away on a wednesday and then my bridal showers was that saturday so, so, let's, let's go back so through this.

Speaker 3: 8:59

You was a caregiver, taking care of your loved one, planning a wedding, being a mother and also a nurse.

Speaker 2: 9:10

A nurse engaged, you know.

Speaker 3: 9:12

So you was juggling all this. I want you to answer this question what was the biggest emotional challenge during that time that you faced while trying to navigate the situation?

Speaker 4: 9:24

Trying to allow myself to feel, because I never want to be a burden to people. So a lot of times I'll try to keep stuff inward and try to be strong for everybody, and that was one thing that my dad would say is you can't be strong for everybody.

Speaker 4: 9:48

He says sometimes you got to think about you and that was my hardest struggle, because I was like I can't drop the ball because everybody needs me. So if I drop the ball, everything's going to crumble. And that's something that, throughout this journey, I've had to learn that it's not in my hands, it's in.

Speaker 2: 10:10

God's hands.

Speaker 4: 10:10

Right. And I will lose my mind if I continue to try to keep control and, with that too, if I continue to try to keep control and with that too, because you were getting ready to celebrate such a just huge engagement about to get married.

Speaker 2: 10:25

But also you're dealing with everything else. But you were previously married and so you probably have that emotional kind of thing going on with the divorce that happened there. So kind of talk to me about that too, Like how, going into that, where were you? What were you even thinking emotionally and mentally, before even a mom and dad even happened with?

Speaker 4: 10:45

that Well the thing with my last husband, the reason why it made it so hard for me to be vulnerable and to let people in, was because I, when I was married previously, I was really sick. After I had my son, I ended up with a ulcer that I didn't know about, that perforated, and so I lost half the blood of my body in my toilet that day and I went into emergency surgery. They had to cauterize the ulcer. They didn't think I was going to make it and I was in ICU. But my mom was there. You know like, no, you're going to be here for your kids. You got to stay here.

Speaker 4: 11:24

And so my ex-husband my husband at the time was not supportive and I remember my mom watching the kids and letting him come to the hospital and he, he, I'm got a blood transfusion going, hooked up to ivs, and he said, well, how long you expect for me to go through this with you? And I was like and the person I am, I was like, you don't have to, yeah, and he left and went wherever he was going. So my mom thinking that he's at the hospital and he's gone wherever. But that hurt me, that rocked me to the core, and so I built up a wall. So when I got to, you know my new relationship with mark I. It took me a while to bring that down because I was like I'm never gonna let no one make me feel like that again, right?

Speaker 4: 12:18

So in my vulnerable moments, even with grief. It was hard for me to lean on him, but he made it easier because he was like I'm not him. You know, you can be vulnerable with me.

Speaker 3: 12:36

Let me ask a question real quick. Why were you on that? He made it easier, but you still had to realize it oh yeah. So what did he do? What did he say? That said okay, you know what, let me let my cards down. What was that moment that you got?

Speaker 4: 12:54

okay, you know what a high moment I can let my walls down with him now, it wasn't easy at first because I think it was a learning period for him also, right and so, because he wasn't used to so much happening in a relationship, so much going on.

Speaker 4: 13:08

and so at first, you know, I would have moments where I felt like, you know, I was a bother to him and so so I would pull back. And then eventually he realized, and he came to me and was like, hey, I'm not used to so much things happening in a relationship and so it was new to me, but I realized that I want to be here for you and I want to support you and you can be vulnerable with me. And then he started showing it through his actions and showing up and being present, and so as I started watching, you know, then I was like, well, maybe he is a little genuine you know, and so I slowly you know, it wasn't like instant, you know but I slowly started letting the walls down, and then now I'm like I'll cry.

Speaker 2: 14:03

I'm like.

Speaker 4: 14:03

Well, I'm struggling today.

Speaker 2: 14:07

I love that because because it's different facets to a caregiver.

Speaker 1: 14:11

And I think we talk about that all the time.

Speaker 2: 14:14

But I don't think. I don't think people really understand it. But I don't think people really understand it when we say a mother, a daughter, a caregiver, I'm also employed. All these different things take a toll on our life. Right, they place different parts and when one is holding on by a thread, you can lack in a lot of areas.

Speaker 3: 14:41

But then you have like the caregiving health, and then it's just, it's just a lot.

Speaker 4: 14:44

So a caregiver's journey is it's not the same, it's never ending, right, and then it can be stressful right because you're taking care of someone, but you're also trying to take care of yourself yeah, because even in the moment where, um I was sick with my stomach and I had, I ended up finding out I had gastroparesis, um, and so I literally got separated in october and was struggling with, you know, going in and out of surgery myself, and then in december my daughter ended up on life support for six weeks. So I'm trying to juggle like running in and out of work when I could, and then newly separated and going to appointments myself. I remember my daughter was in the icu, I had surgery and when they discharged me they said um, okay, so is your driver coming? I was like oh no, just wheel me to room.

Speaker 4: 15:38

Five, five, five and they were like what I was like? Uh, yeah, I'm going back to my daughter's room, so literally I was dealing with my own health challenges and then I'm going back to make sure she's good because I mean, she was in a coma on life support. I wasn't gonna leave her for too long.

Speaker 2: 15:55

And so that was the story.

Speaker 3: 15:57

Wow.

Speaker 2: 15:59

And then came healing Right. Um, in what ways did your healing come? I know you talked to talk about different things on your blog about how counseling was, was one of those inner work. So kind of talk to me a little bit about how did counseling help you navigate the pain and loss and the pressure of just daily life.

Speaker 4: 16:21

So counseling was a big thing. When my mom first got on hospice, I started the counseling because, like I said, I wanted to be there for my dad and I knew I couldn't because I felt myself losing myself. I felt myself going down that deep hole because my mom was my best friend, like she literally, when I got divorced, uprooted, and came and watched my kids for me the nights that I went to work and then would go back and take care of my dad and go back and forth, and so our relationship was super strong. And so the counseling helped me, gave me the tools that I needed, and it was somebody neutral, you know. So it wasn't anybody in your family, it wasn't Mark. So I didn't have that feeling of being a burden because I'm like, well, it's your job, so I can just like, spit it all out to you and so.

Speaker 4: 17:18

But the counselor I had, she literally let me know that it's OK, it's OK to feel, it's OK to you and so. But the counselor I had, she literally let me know that it's okay, it's okay to feel, it's okay to cry, it's okay to hurt. You don't have to be this super woman and put on this cape, because I'll wear a smile in a minute and no one will know half the stuff I'm going through. But, um, when I'm behind closed doors, you know she let me know that it's okay. It's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to scream, it's okay to be mad, cause it was for a minute. I was mad, I was and I was upset Like God. Why now? Why you know why all this pain? Why me? And then I had to just change the narrative and be like why not me?

Speaker 4: 18:07

and not have like the victim mentality and realize that, okay, well, he must be doing this for a reason. And so that's how the blog came about, because I'm like I'm going through life's ups and downs and journeys and I always was this little girl that life is a fairy tale and you know, I'm gonna be married for 60 plus years and have this big house and fancy cars and stuff like that, and then, as life is life and you realize life is not a fairy tale, right, but it is my story to tell, and so that's what manifested me starting the blog and it actually is healing for me so, in saying that, what do healing look like for you now, personally, professionally and spiritually?

Speaker 4: 18:50

healing looks like for me is allowing myself, like I said, to feel, and not really caring what anybody thinks about you know whether they're going to judge me, whether they're going to say oh, she's being selfish. Allowing myself to rest, allowing myself to. You know, just be me and that. I feel, like is healing within itself. Yeah, you know, I love that. Take the mask off. Right, like it's healing within himself when it within itself. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I love that, take the mask off right and it's all.

Speaker 2: 19:25

It's so important because I know a lot of caregivers. They're always like you know, I feel like I'm on this island by myself and they say I and I don't want to be upset because or I don't want to. You know, take it out. Take it out because they're. It's like, that's my mom, that's what I'm supposed to do, or I'm not supposed to be frustrated because this is my, this is what I need to do. But at the same time, I think it's important for everybody to understand that you do have feelings and emotions, and you.

Speaker 3: 19:49

It is important for you to let them out, because the more that you keep, it in you just bottle it up in it and next thing, you know, you explode right, and I think I think caregiver is the right term, but for for the caregivers out there, you are a person that wear many hats.

Speaker 2: 20:06

Right right.

Speaker 3: 20:07

You wear many emotions on your sleeves and you do a great job, right, like Kim just said why me? Then she turned around and said why not me? Right, and you're excellent. That's all I have to say. That's awesome, kim, you're excellent. That's awesome, yes.

Speaker 4: 20:23

No, I'm telling you, anyone that is a caregiver and that is taking care of a loved one just know that it's OK for you to not be OK, it's OK for you to not have great days, but what you do after that is what matters the most. Like are you just going to lay there and just take it, or are you going to use that as fuel to keep you going? And so that's what I do you know I just use it as fuel.

Speaker 2: 20:52

And and. Caregiving is a balancing act, right, so you want to be able to care for others without losing yourself, right? And so how did you balance your role as a caregiver with work and with home?

Speaker 4: 21:06

Oh, it was hard. It was hard. It was. It was sometimes you know cause? I'm a clinical nurse coordinator and I'm in a leadership role, so it's a lot of times you get to work and you know people are going through things themselves and they're coming to you and they want to talk to you about it. And you may have so much on your mind that you know people are going through things themselves and they're coming to you and they want to talk to you about it, and you may have so much on your mind that you, like, I'm about to explode.

Speaker 4: 21:29

You know and so you have to try to you know separate church from state and be like, ok, I got this, you know, and go in and just be there for them. And a lot of times, things that I've been through, I actually tell you know some of my employees. I'm like, hey, this is what I went through in life and this is how I navigated it, cause a lot of them are a lot younger you know, and so that helps them, because it makes it relatable, because they're like oh well, you know you've been through some things too, okay, so so tell me this, for for the caregivers that's out there listening to you what strategies or routines help you stay grounded and when you feel an overwhelm in life.

Speaker 4: 22:15

Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer is the biggest one, you know, um, also journaling, which my journaling turns and turned into my blogs, but prayer has been the biggest things. When I tell you, I've had to cry out to God because there were times that I just felt like I wasn't going to make it, like I felt like it's just too much, like for one person. You know, um, especially when I was a single mom, it was very hard because you felt so alone and so, thankfully, I had a praying mom, because the time that my daughter was in the coma in ICU and she coded and I was in the room yes, I'm a nurse, but when you're in that, moment you're not thinking on nurse level You're thinking on my child is

Speaker 4: 23:17

fighting for her life, right, and I remember going down the hallway because my mom was in the waiting room and I and they was they she had coded and I was like kim, do not faint in this room, because they need to focus on her. And I remember just trying to walk down the hallway and the hallway felt like it was just getting longer and I got down there and I don't know if I blacked out or what, because when I realized where I was, I was, the chaplain was there and I was just crying on his sleeve but my mom was in that corner and she was on her knees and she was praying and speaking in tongues over my child's life and my child is about to be 20 years old today.

Speaker 4: 23:57

All right, and this was at, this is when she was four years old, but because I had a praying mom, a praying father and I'm a praying woman, that is what has allowed me to continue in all these multiple hats.

Speaker 2: 24:10

Okay and so with that, because really that's support. That's really support. And so now we're we had the storm, there's healing, now we're like the rainbow after the storm, and so that's really that, that support system. So what does support look like for you now, especially as a wife, a mom and a leader?

Speaker 4: 24:32

Um, open communication. You know, just knowing that I have someone to lean on, talk to. Um, my husband is very supportive. He's um there for me, he allows me to be myself, he allows me to be vulnerable. So that is all the support I need. And then, as far as work, just being able to communicate with the staff, communicate with my fellow employees, and just knowing that they understand that sometimes I'm like you know what I'm going to have to delegate, that I'm not going to be able to do that.

Speaker 4: 25:08

So, that right. There is the support.

Speaker 3: 25:10

Let me, speaking on the rainbow right. For someone that don't have family, in the sense of they are a caregiver and they don't have a husband, or they don't have children or whatever the case, but they're going through something, what would you say the best fit for them to help them? Modern resilience, yeah. What would you say would help them?

Speaker 4: 25:29

I would definitely say you need to have a counselor, an outlet. Caregivers typically keep things inside or they feel like they got to keep you know everything together, so they feel as though they don't want to let no one in. Right, and if they don't have anyone, that's even worse. So definitely having you know, whether it's church or professional, but someone that you can talk to and just like blow steam off to where you don't feel judged that's what I'm gonna say judge free zone yeah, and so let's talk about the blog.

Speaker 2: 26:07

Kim talks right, okay, so tell us more about the ball, the, the voice behind the blog. What do you want readers when they, when they come on, to kind of get from you?

Speaker 4: 26:18

well. I want readers to know that when you come to the blog, you are talking to someone that's real, that's relatable, that's been through some things. It's not all cookies and cream and that's okay. I want them to know that they may be going through things that I've already gone through and this is how I have overcame it or I'm still overcoming. It's not perfect you know, I still have my moments, but just letting them know that it's a process and if I can get through it, you can too.

Speaker 2: 26:53

Right, right and so the blog originally started out with your caregiving journey, right, and then you know the story of the storm and the grief. What can viewers kind of expect to see moving forward as well?

Speaker 4: 27:09

Well, I want to talk through life's challenges, and so that goes back to my health challenges. It goes back through, you know, divorce, single motherhood and just how I went through it, because I want to touch different audiences to let them know that, hey, I went through, you know, being there for my mom and dad and losing them both within a year of each other, and I'm still standing. You know, I went through a divorce. I'm still standing. I, you know, went through parent parenting and I'm still standing. So, no matter what comes and what the enemy tries to, you know, throw at you, just know that you can still be standing too, you know, but it's a conscious decision to do that. It's like, are you gonna stand, are you gonna fall?

Speaker 3: 27:56

so you gotta make that decision right I want to encourage the listeners out there to go to Kim talks blog. This young lady right here, this powerful woman of God, right yeah that is standing on her beliefs and it's standing on her truth and it's standing on her lessons learned through life as a caregiver, a mother a wife. So please, please, tap into Kim Talks.

Speaker 2: 28:26

Give them all the details of where they can go and check you out and follow you and kind of just follow the journey in the blog.

Speaker 4: 28:33

Yes, you can go to KimTalksnet. That is my website, and you can follow me on Facebook and Instagram at Kim Talks Blogs.

Speaker 2: 28:43

Yes, yes. So I hope this encouraged you guys, because when you're navigating grief, when you're navigating being a caregiver or just life transitions as a whole, it can be very daunting and it can feel like you're alone, but, like she said, you can still stand and you can get through it. So I hope that this kind of helped you kind of just know that there is a team. That's what this podcast is about. It's the journey out, it's us coming together as community and journeying from one life's transition to the next. But we're doing it with community and we're doing it with love and we're doing it as a whole. So I hope this has blessed y'all in tremendous ways, cause, look, I tried to keep together. I had a little too. I tried to keep together and I think I did a good job.

Speaker 2: 29:24

So, thank you, you know, just making me making me drown over here, but this was amazing and I think thank y'all so very much.

Speaker 1: 29:32

Thank you I appreciate you, we out of here man, peace out, peace in the audience.

Speaker 2: 29:35

Thank you.