Getting to The Root. | shifting the areas we struggle with most.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome back to another episode of With a Grain of Salt. I am your host, Isaiah Salter, and I appreciate each and every one of you for tuning in for yet another week. Another week, another with a grain of salt episode. Y'all know how we get. If you are in the Daily Grains Instagram channel, you know I put out a questionnaire about what are some things that you are currently navigating, some things that you are, you know, trying to work through currently in your life. And I really appreciated the vulnerability and authenticity of the answers that you guys were putting in there. And there was a common theme between so many of us with different things that we were navigating with, but something that I was picking up on when I was reading the responses. And it really resonated with me because where I am in my life currently, 27 years old, I'm going through a major transition in my life, not only externally but internally. I'm still figuring out certain things, and I've been faced with so many different issues in my life that have forced me to shift or to think differently or to approach my journey from a different way. And something that I've really been giving a lot of energy to in this season of my life is connecting deeply with myself. When I was looking at some of the responses, people were saying, feeling disconnected from myself, struggling to find myself, struggling to feel connected to God, feeling like I don't know which decision to make, really having trouble with embracing uncertainty and not knowing the next steps, all of these different things. And there were some relationship things in there too, which we're going to get to in a different episode because you know how we get on this podcast. We we dive into so many different topics. But we're really going to talk about this idea of the areas that we struggle with and learning how to get to the root of what's actually going on. Because a lot of times these things that we think need fixing in our life actually just need understanding. And that's where a lot of people go wrong, me included. I've had so many times in my life where something would come up or I was faced with a certain challenge. And my immediately, my immediate reaction was to fix it. I need to find a solution. I need to find a fix to this issue. I need to fix myself or I need to fix this external problem. But as I've grown and matured and evolved on my journey, I've realized that it's not necessarily about fixing, it is about understanding. Because understanding puts you in the position to see things a lot more clear. And when you're seeing things more clear, taking the necessary steps and maneuvering things is going to be a lot more easy, right? And so we're going to talk about getting to the root, learning to shift the areas that we struggle with most. Now, like I said, I'm 27 years old. And recently, especially the last year of my life, 27, like I was saying, has been an incredibly difficult year because I feel like I am going through a quarter life crisis. Now, this is the very important thing to understand about crisis and quarter life crisis and midlife crisis, wherever you are in your journey. It is part of your path. Going through a crisis, going through identity shifts, feeling fully disconnected, feeling lost is actually a part of the process. The reason why we create so much resistance and suffering in our past when these things come into our journey is because of our perspective on them. It's because of our immediate reaction to these different things in our life. So what we're going to do is we're going to shine light on these different areas and we're really going to get into the meat and the potatoes of stuff. And also, as you guys know, I'm very drawn to the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, but there's also another person. His name is Dr. K, Dr. A. Cole. His YouTube channel is Healthy GamerGG. I advise every single person to go and dive into his work. He is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, and he's been definitely the person that I have been most drawn to in this season of my life. His work is something I've really spent a lot of time with. I listened to his podcast or his videos. I, you know, research his topics and different things that he puts out. So I advise each and every one of you to go tap into his work because he provides a whole different, you know, understanding of life. Obviously, it's a higher perspective with him having, you know, the science and the the psychiatry behind his work and the research and the actual evidence. So it's it's incredibly profound, and it's actually what inspired this episode on top of what I've been navigating and what I saw in the Daily Grains chat. So I know that was a long intro, but just wanted to give some context. So without any further ado, let's dive into learning how to shift the areas in our life that we struggle with most and really getting to the root and cultivating more understanding and perspective so that we can start to embrace these things in a healthier, more aligned way. Let's dive in. Point number one: feeling lost and disconnected is actually a vital part of the journey. There is so much pressure to know what we are doing with our lives. We feel like we should know what career we're supposed to pursue, who we're supposed to become, where we're supposed to live, what our purpose is, what God wants from us, and what the next chapter is supposed to look like. And when we don't have those answers, we often interpret the uncertainty and the unknown as a problem. I'm behind, I'm lost, something must be wrong with me. I need to figure this out, I need fixing. But what if feeling lost and disconnected isn't necessarily a sign that something has gone wrong? What if it's actually a necessary part of becoming? Let's just stop there before we dive into the rest. That perspective shift right there can help you tremendously. What if feeling lost isn't necessarily a sign that something is wrong? What if feeling disconnected isn't a sign that something is wrong? It's actually a sign that you're evolving and changing. It's probably a sign that what has been no longer resonates, right? And this is why we get into so much trouble, especially in this society, because we're in a society that's very structured or very boxed in, right? Pick one thing, and that's the thing you got to stick with. But the thing you have to understand about yourself is you were you are a multidimensional human being. And as you grow and mature, the things that resonate with you and the things that you're passionate about is also going to change and evolve. And what happens is we're trying to fit an old way of being and living into where we are currently. We are constantly struggling with this internal battle of knowing that the things that I used to be involved with, the identity I used to hold, no longer aligns. But but because I live in this society and I have the wrong perspective on things, I feel so off. I feel so disconnected. So my first reaction is I have to try to make what has been work. And the more we try to force something that isn't even for us anymore, what do you think that's gonna lead to? Feeling even more frustrated, disconnected, and lost. Right. And that's what creates suffering through these different facets of life that we're gonna inevitably face. There are seasons where the identity you've built your life around no longer fits, but you haven't discovered what comes next. The old way of seeing yourself starts to fall apart. Your priorities change, certain things stop feeling meaningful, and you begin questioning things you previously felt certain about. That space can be incredibly uncomfortable because you're no longer fully connected to who you were, but you don't know yet who you're becoming. And in that space is where so many people freak out and panic. And what's our first reaction to go back to what we knew, even though we know deep down where we were isn't no longer aligned with what we're trying to be or who we are currently, and that's what can create so much friction. It's like, dang, I know the way that I used to show up or the things that I used to pursue or the things that I used to put out, I don't really feel as connected to. But because of the I because the idea of stepping away from that and being in this this phase of not knowing and being in the uncertainty is so uncomfortable and brings so much fear and doubt, I gotta resort back. So I'm trying to make an old framework work in a new version of myself that is becoming, right? So we got to shift the perspective on these seasons and we have to be willing to embrace it, even though it's uncomfortable, even though it is scary, even though you're going to have to brace a and embrace a lot of uncertainty. It's something we have to be willing to lean into because it's actually leaning into it where all of the answers you're searching for will be found. Often we try to escape that space. We rush to find a new identity, a new relationship, a new career, a new goal, a new spiritual answer, or a new version of ourselves because we don't know how to sit with the uncertainty. But sometimes the uncertainty is where the work is happening. Sometimes the uncertainty is where the work is happening. That's what we have to be willing to embrace that space when we are stepping away from things that no longer align, even though they used to, and we're not fully clear on who we are in this season and how we want to show up. So we're just in this very limital space that comes with a lot of uncertainty and a lot of different emotions and a lot of discomfort, right? But if we can learn to shift our perspective on that space, be where our feet are and understand that this space is actually sacred and there's actually development happening while I'm in this, it's going to shift how you show up in those times. And that's how you'll be able to move through it in a way where you come out the other end, more aligned, more clear on who you want to be, more grounded, right? Rather than trying to resist it and fight it, and it ultimately leads you to either prolonging the suffering or just going back to a life that you know no longer aligns. And this is very, very heavy on my heart in this season because when I think of my content, for instance, I told you guys I was taking, you know, a couple months off because I was getting ready for the move. And I was also sitting with myself and really allowing myself to question where I was at and the things that I was doing. Because I was like, for some reason, the content that I'm putting out or the system that I had, you know, built and was kind of running on for a while, I just didn't feel as connected to anymore. And my first immediate reaction was, oh my gosh, like I've lost my spark. Oh my gosh, I'm I'm disconnected. I I gotta find an answer. I'm gonna go watch all these videos, I'm gonna go read all these books, I'm gonna go watch all these podcasts, getting all this information, but it's not really helping. And I'm trying to, you know, go back. All right, maybe I just gotta, you know, just stay with it for a couple of weeks and keep making the same videos. But knowing deep down, I'm like, this ain't it right now. So what I did was I took a full step back and I said, you know what? This is just what I know my intuition is telling me, what my soul and my being is telling me. I need to lean into it. Even though it's very uncomfortable to take space from something that you used to be so connected to, even though it's very uncomfortable to start giving attention to the idea that, hey, maybe this doesn't align anymore and I want to show up differently, it's very uncomfortable because all of these reasons and why you shouldn't leave come into your head. What are people gonna think? Oh, but this is how people know me. But this is all that I've known, right? You have all these questions. And when all of those questions come up and it comes with all these uncomfortable emotions, which we are going to talk to talk about later in the episode. When all these uncomfortable emotions come up and we don't know how to sit with it and we don't know what's going on, and we're start clinging for answers, our first reaction, our ego's reaction is to resort to certainty. So, what does that mean? We're gonna go back. So a lot of people are constantly staying in lives that no longer align with who they actually are in the moment. So imagine trying to live a life that deep down you don't even want to live, but you don't even realize that deep down you don't want to live this because you're so focused on the discomfort that is coming from you sitting in the unknown for a little bit or the uncertainty of not knowing what's next. Right. So, you know what? We're gonna go back to the safe option, even though the safe option doesn't really resonate with me. And then we wonder why we feel so disconnected. And then we're looking to God or we're looking to all of these things outside of ourselves for answers, not realizing that literally we're creating the issue by trying to force ourselves into a box that no longer fits. Let's continue. Being lost doesn't necessarily mean you're without direction. Sometimes it means the direction you're moving in is changing. Wow. Being lost does not mean that you're without direction. Sometimes the feeling of being lost means that your direction is shifting, right? I was once moving in this way, but this path no longer aligns, so I'm changing directions. And because I'm changing directions and I've been on this path for so long, yes, I'm going to feel lost. I'm moving in a new direction I've never been before. And I'm having to let go of things that were so that I was so certain about in my life. I'm letting go of certainty, stepping into uncertainty, and I'm changing directions. How do you think that's gonna make you feel? Lost, disconnected, questioning everything. And if you don't cultivate the right perspective of those moments, they're gonna consume you and make you resort back to ways that no longer align with who you're becoming. But when you're feeling those things and you're able with awareness and intention to shift your perspective in that moment and understand, no, no, no, the reason I'm feeling these things is because I'm moving away from what was known to me for so long. I'm moving away from the certainty and I'm stepping into the unknown territory because I know what has been no longer aligns. I'm not fully clear on what's gonna be. So I got to sit in this middle ground for a little bit. But with the right perspective, with taking life with a grain of salt, I remember what we talked about on the Waggles podcast. Oh, this space is actually part of the development. So let me learn how to embrace the discomfort. Let me learn how to embrace the uncertainty. Let me learn how to embrace the unknown, understanding that it's actually part of me stepping into the clarity that I'm searching for. It says you don't have to have clarity to me making progress. There is a difference between being lost and being in a process of discovery. Sometimes you genuinely don't know what comes next because you're being exposed to experiences, perspectives, and parts of yourself that you haven't encountered before. You can't always know the next version of your life before you've lived enough to discover it. This is a lot of us don't give the space where we need to explore and discover enough time, right? Why? Because we're so used to clinging to certainty. That is what our ego wants. Certainty, safety, security. I need to know. So we skip over the exploration and the discovery of who we're becoming or who we are in this season because we're trying to cling on to certainty. But man, if you understood that space of discovering and exploration and trying new things is so vital, you wouldn't be so quick to rush through it, even though it's uncomfortable, right? Even though it's uncomfortable. You can't always know the next version of your life before you've lived enough to discover it. A lot of times the next thing that we're searching for requires us to slow down and actually be with ourselves. Ask yourself questions. Hmm, what truly feels aligned to me? Am I okay with allowing the old identity or the old way of living to be removed from my life? And if I'm not, why am I not? An attachment, other people's opinions. Oh, the the box that society has created and I've I've forced myself into. Start to sit with yourself, start to explore. Let me try different things. Hmm. I know that I'm a lot more interested in these ways of showing up or this type of content or this type of path. Let me start to take steps and just see what happens if I try some of those things. Let me see how it makes me feel. But that requires courage. And that requires being okay with moving in a different direction than what you and most people around you have known you for for so long. Right? It's incredibly difficult. And this is why you have to really take a step back and understand I have to make a choice. I have to make a choice. Am I gonna choose to live in a way that feels true to me and continue to discover deeper, more authentic parts of myself and have the courage to step into those things? Or am I gonna choose to listen to the projections, opinions, and expectations of other people? Am I gonna choose to listen to my equals, my ego's pull to go back to certainty and to stay in the box that I've lived my whole life in? Make the choice, but understand each choice is gonna come with certain outcomes. And that's really what you need to focus on. Okay, if I make this choice, what could that lead to me getting back in my life? And if I make this choice, what could that lead to me getting back in my life? And then you have to ask yourself, well, which life am I trying to get back? Hmm. And then you got to tap into your power because your power is in your ability to choose. So we have to choose intentionally, we have to choose authentically, we have to choose wisely. The space between identities can feel like emptiness, but it doesn't necessarily mean nothing is happening. You may be letting go of beliefs, expectations, relationships, habits, and definitions of yourselves that once gave you so much certainty. That can feel like confusion, like disconnection, like feeling lost, but it can also be the beginning of a deeper relationship with yourself. Sometimes you have to become comfortable not knowing before you can discover something more authentic. A lot of times when we're gonna get put in seasons of uncertainty where we're in that middle ground of not knowing what the next chapter is, but knowing that what has been no longer aligns, you have to understand that that space is an opportunity. And it's really an opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with yourself. Let me learn to be with myself in this time. A lot of times, what happens is because we don't know how to sit in the discomfort of not knowing, or we're looking at it through the wrong lens, we resist that season. And if you're doing that, you're actually neglecting yourself. And if you're in a state of neglecting yourself, that's going to lead to self-disconnection. I don't care how much videos you watch or how many books you read or how much time you spend, you know, trying to find the answer. If you are neglecting yourself, it's never going to lead to self-connection. And how do we neglect ourselves? When our internal being is like, hey, this no longer aligns, and I want to try something different, and we don't give ourselves the permission to leave that and be in that unknown for a little bit. So we have to resort back to old ways or we stay in the box that's comfortable, that is a form of self-neglect. That's what leads to self-disconnect, right? And then we try to find connection from things outside of ourselves, but it's not going to come from something outside of yourself, it's going to come from actually tuning in and listening to what your being has been calling out for you for. Hey, that doesn't align anymore. And even though it is scary to sit in the unknown and the uncertainty, I have to be willing to do that. And when you show up in that way with the willingness to sit in it, you're showing yourself that, hey, I'm honoring what you're calling out for me. I'm honoring my spirit, I'm honoring my intuition. That's what leads to self-connection. That's how you can use seasons of uncertainty, seasons of not knowing, seasons of feeling disconnected as an opportunity to develop and cultivate the relationship with yourself. Come on. A quote by J.R.R. Token. Not all those who wander are lost. What a beautiful quote. Not all those who wander are lost. It's discovering, it's exploration, it's becoming in tune with oneself. So don't view being in a space where you know you have to discover new things and the clarity isn't there as you being lost. No, you're just wandering a new territory, a new version of yourself that's emerging, right? It's emerging. Think about a plant in the ground, right? You put a plant in the ground, and it first starts off as a seed, and you water it, and you give it sunlight, then it grows its roots, and then it slowly breaks through the surface, and then it continues to grow until it reaches its peak. There's no skip in the process. Every one of those points of the process are incredibly. Vital for the plant to reach its full state of being. And it's the same with us. So when we're underground and we're feeling lost, and then when we're breaking through the surface, whatever, however, you want to correlate that to your life, we're breaking through this through the surface, and then we're growing slowly and we're at different stages, and then we have branch branches coming out and leaves coming out, and all these different things are happening. All of those parts of the process are needed in order for the plant to get to where it's trying to go. But what happens in our life is when we're in different stages of the process that we don't want to be in, we resort back, we resist, and it actually stops us from reaching our peak. Right. But if you could understand that every single part of my path, every single season that I go through is actually part of my development, part of me becoming more of who I was made to be, you're not going to be so quick to resist it. So even the seasons where you feel lost, right? And this is an important thing, just because you feel lost doesn't mean you are lost. Feelings are not fact. But when even in the seasons where you feel lost or feel disconnected or feel like what has been is no longer really resonating with you, we have to embrace those times because they're incredibly important. We use this analogy all the time, and we're going to keep coming back to it. Think about a caterpillar inside a cocoon. From the outside, it looks like nothing is happening. The old form has essentially disappeared, but the new form isn't visible yet. There's a period where the transformation is happening in between. Sometimes our lives have seasons like that. The old version isn't working anymore, but the new version hasn't fully emerged yet. This is literally where I am right now in my life at 27 years old. The old me, I'm grateful for, I have a lot of love for, but it no longer is resonating with who I am now. And I'm not fully clear on the new version of me and how I'm showing up in this season. So I'm in this, this, this cocoon season of my life. And from the outside looking in, it could look like my, I don't know what I'm doing or I'm completely lost, but I'm honoring this space because I know this space has so much for me as long as I cultivate the right perspective and I'm willing to embrace it. So a practice for point number one. Instead of asking, why am I so lost? Try asking, what am I currently outgrowing? What beliefs about myself are changing? What no longer feels aligned? What sparks my curiosity? Can I give myself permission to be okay not knowing? That's what you really need to sit with, right? Because like we've talked about so many times before, a lot of times people are asking the wrong questions. And when you ask the wrong questions, it's gonna lead to getting the wrong answers. So if we shift what we're asking and how we're showing up, it's gonna change what we get back, right? Instead of why am I so lost? Oh my gosh, I need to fix this. How am I feeling so disconnected? Look at everybody else. It looks like they have so much certainty and clarity in their life. Look at them over there. They look so connected to God, they look so connected to life. What's wrong with me? Instead of focusing on that, let me just cultivate the awareness and understanding that, hey, I feel a little lost, I feel a little disconnected because you know, my past identities or the past way of living no longer really resonates. So let me sit with myself. What am I currently outgrowing?

unknown 25:30

Right?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

What beliefs about myself are changing, right? What no longer feels aligned in the season that I'm in? What is sparking my curiosity? And am I okay giving myself permission to not know? I've sat with these and I've worked through these, and these these questions and prompts have helped me tremendously in the time that I'm at, right? What am I currently outgrowing? Man, so many things. So many things, you know. Point number two, avoidance compounds what we're struggling with. Right? I'm struggling feeling with feeling disconnected. I'm struggling with feeling lost. I'm struggling with having clarity. I'm struggling with taking the next step or knowing which step to take. I'm struggling with my connection to God. I'm struggling with my connection to life, whatever it is. Avoidance compounds the things that we're struggling with. A lot of the things we struggle with become bigger because we keep avoiding them. We avoid emotions because they're uncomfortable. We avoid uncertainty because we want answers. We avoid difficult conversations because we don't want conflict. We avoid shame because we don't want to look at ourselves honestly. We avoid loneliness by constantly seeking stimulation or connection from the outside world. We avoid the discomfort of changing our identity by trying to hold on to what we used to be. And the problem with avoidance is that it often provides relief in the short term while making the underlying issue stronger in the long term. What you resist, persist. What you resist, persist. A lot of these things that come up in our life, we are so quick to avoid, but they're not coming up for you to avoid them. They're coming up for you to embrace them. So what do you think is it? What do you think it's gonna lead to if every time these different areas and facets of your life come up and you're so quick to avoid them because you have the wrong perspective on them, because they bring up certain emotions that you don't feel comfortable sitting with, right? Whatever it may be, what do you think that's gonna lead to if you just keep avoiding the issue, right? Your emotions and life is going to provide you with different seasons, and different seasons are gonna bring up different things, because all of those things are coming up so that you can grow, so that you can understand yourself, so that you can develop the relationship with yourself. So if you're neglecting and avoiding those things because they're uncomfortable or because you're viewing them through the wrong lens, what do you think it's gonna lead to? More suffering, more disconnection, more feeling confused and lost. And then what is our reaction to those things? I have to find the answers, and where do we try to find the answers? People, books, external, all of these things when this is an internal thing, this is an internal issue, right? So we have to tend to what's going on within, even when it's uncomfortable. And this is something that I want you to understand. The number one way for you to cultivate self-connection is through learning how to sit with all of your emotions. Your emotions come up, not for you to push them away or to suppress them, it's to actually tend to them because they're signals, they're trying to tell you something, right? It doesn't mean you listen to them. There's that's a difference. Your emotions are information, not instructions, like we've said. But that is the number one way to cultivate self-connection. And I'm gonna paint this picture with using two people, right? When you feel connected to somebody, it's not what they're saying, it's how they're making you feel, right? I feel connected to this person, right? When I'm around them, I feel safe, I feel aligned, I feel comfortable when I'm around this person. It's the feelings that create the connection to somebody. It's the same with yourself. So when all of these things are coming up, these different emotions, and you're constantly avoiding or neglecting them because they're uncomfortable or because you're viewing them through the wrong lens, all that is doing is compounding self-disconnection. So self-connection is gonna come from you not avoiding these parts of yourself and learning how to sit with them. Because it's through sitting with them that you're showing yourself that, hey, I'm here for you. If every single time you tried to be around somebody, they were very avoidant, right? They never wanted to create any depth, you wouldn't feel that connected to that person. It is the same with yourself. If every single time yourself is bringing up all of these different emotions and feelings and things, and you're so quick to avoid, what do you think that is causing self-disconnect? And we're gonna, and here's the crazy thing a lot of people are constantly living in a state of avoidance, and then they're clinging to things outside of themselves for connection. So I'm creating self-disconnection, and then because I feel disconnected and don't realize why I'm feeling disconnected and why and how I'm creating it, I'm gonna look to something outside of myself, a person, a thing, you know, a group, whatever it may be, to find that connection. And it doesn't create connection, it creates attachment. And that's where we get into very, very tough situations. So bringing this back to the point, avoidance compounds what we're struggling with. So the things that you're avoiding, that's usually the things you need to start tending to. Right? Whatever this is why you need to cultivate awareness in your life, right? This is a daily practice, our grains. Take a look at your life and really get clear on the things that you are avoiding: the emotions, the conversations, the actions, whatever it is. And first start, why am I avoiding these things? Let me just start there. Why am I so quick to avoid these things? And sit with it. And as you start to sit with yourself and ask these questions and tend to yourself, right? Tend to these areas that you've been avoiding for so long, it's gonna start to cultivate self-connection. Self-connection leads to self-understanding. Self-understanding leads to clarity. You're gonna start understanding how you want to show up and what you want to do. So important. You avoid the emotion, you never process it. You avoid the uncertainty, you become more desperate for certainty. You avoid the season you're in, you become frustrated that you're not somewhere else. You avoid the fact that your identity is changing. You keep trying to recreate a life that no longer fits. Avoidance doesn't make the thing disappear, it actually gives it more power. Think about that. I feel internally like my identity is changing, but I'm gonna avoid the fact that I feel that way. And how do I avoid it? By trying to recreate a life that no longer fits. You see how I'm literally creating the issue? You see how I'm doing that? That's why we we're talking about getting to the root. You avoid the emotion, so you never process the emotion, and then you go to something outside of yourself for suppression. And guess what? The emotion doesn't go anywhere, it actually just gets even stronger. And when it comes up, you do the same thing and it creates a cycle, right? So that feeling of disconnect or feeling internally frustrated, I'm actually creating by avoiding the feeling. It's dangerous. So be mindful of this, be mindful of this. And before we continue, this is where giving yourself grace and cultivating the right perspective comes in. Like these areas, y'all, are very small, subtle shifts. It's not like when I'm saying all these things, this is gonna take, you know, a big leap and change. It's a literally a slight shift, and that slight shift in how you're showing up for yourself changes everything. Use the analogy of the uh it was in the book The Atomic Habits. If you have two planes and they're both, they both have a trajectory to New York, right? And you have plan plane A and plane, dang, that's a tongue twister. Plane A and plane B. Plane A and plane B are both on a trajectory to New York City. If you adjust plane A by literally three to six degrees, at first it's gonna look like they're going in the same direction, but by the time, uh by the time they get to their destination, plane A is gonna be in a completely different place than New York based off of a small three to six degree shift. That's it. That's how you need to view growth. If I just shift minimally and subtly in these little areas, the long-term effect of that is going to be incredibly positive and profound. You don't need to climb a mountain in a day, you don't need to do everything at once. It's a literally one small step at a time. And those small steps compound, right? They compound, and that's how you lead to long, sustainable change and growth. So I just wanted to put that in there because I know when we're talking about these things, our mind has a tendency to think, I have to do all of this now. It's gonna be a lot. It's not. It's not. One step at a time, one day at a time. We got this. What we resist tends to become louder because we never give ourselves the opportunity to understand it. The emotion keeps returning because it hasn't been acknowledged. The uncertainty keeps creating anxiety because we keep demanding that it go away. The identity crisis keeps lingering because we're trying to hold on to something we've already begun to outgrown. Sometimes the thing we're trying hardest to escape is the thing we need to become willing to experience. This is incredibly important. A lot of times the thing you are trying to escape is actually the thing you need to embrace. And it's through trying to escape these things that is creating more of the issue that you're trying to escape from. This is why understanding is so important. We don't even realize that these loops, these cycles, and these issues that we have in our life, we are creating. And so much of it is from avoidance. So much of it is from avoidance. So much of it is from avoidance. And I'm constantly reminding myself of that, right? Whenever I have moments where I'm, you know, quick to avoid something, a feeling or a certain action, take a step back. Whoa, whoa. First, why am I avoiding this thing? Because I need to get to the understanding of why I'm avoiding it, right? I need to understand what in me is avoiding this thing. Because understanding gives you clarity, and clarity helps you to make better decisions. So I need to first understand why I'm avoiding this thing. Oh, it's uncomfortable. Oh, it's new, it's unfamiliar. Oh, it's it's it's requiring me to sit with certain emotions I don't really like to sit with. Oh, it's because I'm carrying a lot of shame from the past. And I need to sit with that, right? And we're gonna talk about shame in a different episode because I know so many people struggle with it and they don't realize how much shame is the thing keeping you stagnant, right? So we'll talk about that in another episode. But you see how when we try to escape or avoid these things, it actually is creating the problem that we're trying to escape from. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. So we just want to be mindful of that. Avoidance can create a cycle where we mistake temporary relief for actual healing. You distract yourself and feel better for a moment. You seek reassurance and feel calmer temporarily. You avoid the conversation and experience less anxiety for the day. But the underlying issue still remains. Eventually, it comes back, often with more intensity, because now there's another level of avoidance attached to it. Perspective. Be mindful. This is incredibly important. This is why getting to the root requires learning to stay present with discomfort. Not because discomfort is inherently good, but because you can't understand something you refuse to experience. No, I'm not saying we need to live a life full of discomfort, right? No, no, we we don't need to do that. But there's gonna be certain things that we need to lean into that bring up a lot of discomfort. Learning to sit with that discomfort, learning to shift your perspective on the discomfort is what's gonna allow you to move through those areas rather than prolonging and compounding the issue, right? And a lot of times the reason something is so uncomfortable is because we're avoiding it. If I could really get you to understand that these things that you are avoiding, the emotions, the the conversations, the actions, by actually leaning into them, it's gonna alleviate the stress, the anxiety, the discomfort. The reason why it's so uncomfortable at first is because we've been so used to avoiding it. We've been pushing it away, pushing it into the back. We gotta let the we gotta allow these things to come up, and then we gotta start taking very small steps in those directions, right? Acclimation. Acclimation. It's like the like the idea of uh if you got a new fish, you don't put the fish into a big tank. You have to take a little bit of the tank water and put it into a smaller bowl and let the fish acclimate to the to the whole tank water, and then you put the fish into the tank, right? It's the same with us with discomfort in these areas that we've been avoiding, right? We have to take small steps because it's through doing that where we're gonna start get getting more acclimated to it. We're showing ourselves that, hey, yes, this is uncomfortable, but it's not something we need to avoid. Who perspective? How many times are we quick to avoid something that brings up discomfort? Because our our immediate reaction or our relationship to discomfort is this is something I need to avoid. If you have a relationship with discomfort in a way that you avoid it, and every time it comes up, you're quick to avoid it. All you're doing is reinforcing that relationship with discomfort. And you can apply this to any area of your life that you're avoiding. Every time I feel discomfort and I avoid it, I'm reinforcing that as my response to discomfort. So I'm also reinforcing that perspective on discomfort. I view discomfort as a bad thing because every time it comes up, I avoid it. And because I avoid it, that is the relationship I'm building with discomfort. So the first step is taking a step back and shifting your perspective on discomfort. Hold on. When I feel discomfort, it's not something I need to avoid. And then you take one small step to reinforce the new relationship that you're trying to build with discomfort. Hey, discomfort is something I'm trying to lean more into. So when I feel it, I'm gonna try my best in that moment to not avoid it. And just by you approaching it with that perspective and taking a very small step, even though you're gonna have times where you still may avoid because you're acclimating yourself, just by you doing that, you're taking a step in a new direction. You're reinforcing a new relationship. And those small steps compound. And you keep doing that for months, years, you're gonna start shifting the relationship to discomfort. So now when it comes up, your immediate response is, What do I need to tend to? Let me lean into this. What is this discomfort trying to show me rather than oh my gosh, I gotta, I gotta avoid it. No, this isn't good. I don't feel good. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, two different things, my brothers and sisters, two different things. Carl Young says that quote, what you resist, persist. One of my favorite quotes. An analogy for point number two. Imagine a beach ball you're trying to hold underwater. You can't keep it submerged, but you have to continuously use energy to hold it down. The moment you stop, it comes back to the surface. Avoidance can work the same way. You can push your emotions, uncertainty, or difficult truths down, but maintaining that suppression takes energy. And eventually what you've pushed down finds a way to come back up. I love this analogy because if you've ever taken one of those beach balls and you know you've been in a pool or in the beach and you try to put it underwater, that joint is it takes energy to keep that thing underwater. Like it's you, it's kind of a game you play with yourself. How long can I take this under? How long can I keep this underwater? But you know that if I let go, it's coming right up, right? Because of the air in it right up. That is how you need to view avoidance. We spend so much energy avoiding the things that we don't want to sit with, and that avoidance is what takes a lot of energy. And the moment you try to take a step back, it comes right up, and then you got to go right back into avoidance. And it's just a constant loop, loop. And how do we try to get out of that loop? By finding solutions in the external world. So we're gonna keep suppressing these things, but I'm gonna go to these things outside of me to try to fix the issue. But a lot of it is just a lack of understanding. You see how if you understood that, oh my gosh, I'm pushing the beach ball underwater, and that is what is causing it to keep coming back up. That just that understanding would give you a totally different perspective on what you're doing. And it would kind of make it a little bit more easier to be like, hey, maybe I should stop trying to push this stuff down. But because we lack the understanding, we don't even realize we're pushing these things down. And then when we're feeling all of these different things and don't know where it's coming from, our first reaction is to go to something outside of ourselves to find an answer. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. And then when you have constantly gone to things outside of yourself to find answers and nothing has seemed to help, how do you think people get into addiction? How do you think people get into very toxic cycles? How do you think people reach a point of depression or where they have just given up on life? I've tried everything, right? Not realizing that the root of it we haven't gotten to and it's within. So let's tie let's tap into that, y'all. Let's tap in. A practice for point number two. Think of one thing you've been avoiding and ask. What am I avoiding? What am I afraid I'll feel if I stop avoiding? What temporary relief does avoiding give to me? What is avoidance costing me in the long term? What would it look like to just stay with this for just five minutes? Sit with these things. And just you doing this practice, it's gonna create some of the things that you may be avoiding and it's giving you the ability to just sit with it. Acclamation. Small steps go a long way. Small steps go a long way. When we're talking about feeling disconnected, when we're talking about feeling lost, when we're talking about bracing uncertainty, not knowing which way to go, not knowing what to do, man, if you guys. Knew how much of those issues were actually created from something internally that we're not tending to or we're not sitting with. It would change everything. A lot of it is just lack of self-connection. And if you are not feeling what you need to feel, if you're not sitting with yourself through different, you know, seasons and different facets of life, you are neglecting yourself and you are going to feel lost. You are going to feel disconnected. And when you feel disconnected within, it leads to disconnection without, right? Outside of you. Because your external reality is just a reflection of your internal. So if I'm disconnected externally, it's probably because I'm disconnected internally. If I feel disconnected to God, you think that's because of something outside of you. I promise you that's a uh coming from a disconnection within. And when you start to tend to yourself, it's going to lead to more connection outside of yourself. So just be mindful of that. Point number three: growth is less about fixing and more about understanding. We have become incredibly focused on fixing ourselves. We want to fix our anxiety, fix our confidence, fix our relationships, fix our discipline, fix our mindset, fix our emotions, fix our habits, fix our lives. And sometimes that desire to improve is healthy, but we can become so focused on fixing the visible problem that we never stop to understand where it came from in the first place. We try to stop procrastinating without understanding what procrastinating is protecting us from. We try to stop people pleasing without understanding what we're what we're afraid will happen if someone is disappointed in us. We try to become more confident without understanding the shame or insecurity underneath the need for validation. We try to stop overthinking without understanding what uncertainty actually means to us. We're treating the symptom without understanding the root. We're treating the symptom without understanding the root. You could apply this to uh uh the medical space, the health health space in America, right? How many people are constantly going to all of these different medications and doctors for fixes, but they never look at the diet. I'ma I'm gonna keep eating all these fried foods, I'm gonna keep eating all this unhealthy stuff. And then when all these issues come up, I'm gonna just go to the doctor and I'm just gonna get on medication, I'm gonna do all these things. And we're treating the symptoms, right? But we're not getting to the root of where the symptoms are being created from, right? And that's just an analogy. Now, I'm not saying that in a way that you can't have your days, right? Everybody, 80-20 moderation, right? I'm not saying you gotta be a full, healthy guru, but just be more intentional. And that's a whole other conversation. But I'm just using that as an analogy to paint the picture of how we treat the symptom without actually getting to the root. And when you don't understand the root, you often end up fighting the same problem in different forms. So true. So true. How many times do you see people bouncing from relationship to relationship? Recreating the same cycles and relationships just with different people. So it comes in a different package. And a lot of people lack the awareness to understand, hmm, maybe I'm creating this cycle. So what do you do? You just focus on getting a new person. No, I just need to be in a different relationship. All right, well, you you bring in the same root into different environments in different spaces. You're gonna create the same cycles, they're just gonna be packaged different. So we got to get to the root. And when we change the root, guess what's gonna start changing? The outcomes. A behavior that looks irrational on the surface can make sense when you understand where it's actually coming from. This is something my mom has instilled in me because she's in education and she works with students, and this is something so many teachers and educators get wrong. They just focus on the service behavior without understanding where that behavior is actually stemming from. A kid is acting out in class and you're just focusing on the kid acting out without actually understanding what's actually going on that's creating the reaction of the kid acting out. Let me get to that. But a lot of people don't have that awareness within themselves, so you can't see that or approach that with other people, right? So we so we look at behaviors that look irrational on the surface without actually understanding where the behavior is coming from, right? So perfectionism, for instance, might be protecting you from feeling inadequate. Control might protect you from uncertainty. People pleasing might protect you from rejection, avoidance might protect you from emotional pain. And rather than getting to the root of those things, we're just focusing on the surface problem. Well, I'm trying to change my people pleasing without understanding why I'm people pleasing in the first place. I gotta get to the root because that's where you heal, right? That's where you heal. Understanding the pattern doesn't mean excusing it, it means gaining the information necessary to actually change it. It's not like we're we're not excusing behavior. We're just getting to the root so we can actually understand why we're making the behavior. We're not gonna beat ourselves up, right? So many people don't grow because they're so quick to beat themselves up for certain behaviors, not even understanding why they're making the behavior in the first place. It's not because you're inadequate, it's not because you're broken, it's just because you're not understanding where it's coming from. And how do you cultivate understanding? Being with yourself. There is no such thing as cultivating self-understanding if you're constantly in a state of avoidance. Come on. Sometimes the most productive question isn't how do I stop doing this? It's why do I do this in the first place? What need is underneath the behavior? What emotion is underneath the reaction? What belief is underneath the pattern? What experience taught you to respond or react in this way? Let's get to the root. Do you know how many things I've become aware of that I was so many ways that I was reacting in life, I became aware of where the root came from. And a lot of it stemmed from childhood or things that I just took on from people that were close into my life. And just that understanding, I'm like, bro, that makes so much sense why I act that way. That makes so much sense why I have these cycles. That makes so much sense why I sabotage these certain areas in my life. Dang. And just that understanding gave me a sense of peace. Like, wow, like I didn't, it's not like something's wrong with me. It's just because I was not understanding where these things were coming from. And now that I understand where they come from, I could work with myself. So many beliefs and patterns I was able to let go of because I came to the understanding that they were never mine to begin with. They were put on me from a kid, or they were put on me because of the environment I grew up in. And I'm like, well, shoot, now I'm at an age where I'm mature and I'm aware. I'm not taking that on because that really doesn't align with me. And guess what? When I let it go, certain outcomes or certain patterns left with it, certain behaviors left with it. Right? Understanding. Come on. When you understand the root, you don't just fight the behavior anymore. You have the opportunity to meet the underlying need in a healthier way. So true. You know how many people are in a constant fight with themselves because they're fighting the behaviors or the reactions. There's something wrong with me because I react in this way. There's something wrong with me because I can't stop doing this thing. Not understanding why you even do it in the first place. There's nothing wrong with you. You just got to get to the root. You just have to cultivate understanding. And you will not be able to do that if you don't know how to give yourself grace and compassion. And a lot of people don't know how to give themselves grace and compassion because they're carrying so much shame from the way that they're behaving. I don't like the way that I react. So I feel horrible about myself or I'm looking at myself that there's something wrong with me. So I carry a lot of shame. And shame is rooted in perfectionism. I have to do everything perfect. I got to become somebody so far away from this version of me because this version of me is not good enough. So I'm not tending to myself. I'm not actually spending time with myself. I'm not actually getting to the root of where these things are coming from. I'm just viewing myself as there's an issue with you, there's a problem with you, and you need to be fixed. So I'm gonna fix you. And until I fix you, you're not good enough. So every time I mess up, I beat you up. Every time I do a certain behavior or fall into a certain pattern, I beat you up. And guess what? You can't beat or shame yourself in the growth. It actually keeps you stagnant, which, like I said, we will dive into in a different episode because that's a whole nother topic we gotta touch on. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. We've said this quote many times. Carl Young, I love him. An analogy for point number three. Imagine a tree with diseased leaves. You could spend all day cutting off the damaged leaves, but if you never investigate the roots, the problem will continue producing new damaged leaves. The leaves are what you can see, the roots are what you need to understand. Imagine a tree that kept growing rotten fruit, right? And all you kept doing was cutting the branches off with rotten fruit, but the branches just kept growing back with rotten fruit, and you're getting mad at the tree. You're getting mad at the branches. Oh my gosh, what is going on? I need a whole tree. Without ever actually checking the roots. And then you go check the roots and you realize, you know, there's certain bugs or insects getting into the roots that's causing the fruit to be diseased or to be rotten, right? And when you get to the root, you realize, oh my gosh, I gotta clear out these insects and bugs. And guess what? You do that. Guess what happens when you clear out the insects and bugs? The tree starts to grow healthy fruit again. And then you realize, man, so the problem wasn't the leaves, it was the roots. It was what was around the roots, and that's what I had to get to. It's the same in life. So many of us spend time cutting off leaves over and over, fighting ourselves because we're growing bad fruit, not getting to the root of why that fruit is being grown in the first place. When you get to the root, guess what? That gives you the ability to change it. Come on. A practice for point number three. Choose one pattern you want to change and ask. What am I doing? What usually triggers it? What am I feeling right before I do it? What might this behavior be protecting me from? What do I actually need underneath it? And you have to be willing to spend time with these questions and be okay with not an answer coming right up. Like you got to be willing to tend to it and sit with yourself, right? But if you don't give yourself permission to sit with yourself because you're viewing yourself through a lens of inadequacy or you're not good enough, then you're gonna keep prolonging the issue and you're gonna you're gonna be in this constant state of running from yourself, trying to get somewhere else so that you can be good enough, so that you can be fixed, right? That's what that's what this toxic hustle culture is focused on. You just gotta become like this and get away from this bad version of you. But it's like, yo, give yourself some grace and compassion, bruh. Like take a step back and just cultivate some understanding. Understanding will help you to be more clear on why you do certain things. And from that clarity, you can change it. I work on this with uh some of the coaching clients. Like, literally, one of the main things I tell people to do is with certain habits or actions that you're trying to stop doing, before you focus on stopping the action, just cultivate the awareness of what am I feeling right before I do this thing. Because a lot of times that will give you a very clear indication into the root of why you're doing a certain thing. Right. And then you start to work with yourself and we start to build the practices around that. So before we try fixing the behavior, let's first understand it. Right. Before we try fixing feeling disconnected or feeling lost or feeling like I don't know what the next step is, let's understand why we're there in the first place. Right. This goes back to everything that everybody put in the Daily Greens channel, me included. Like while we're dealing with these different issues, before we're so quick to focus on fixing them, let's understand them. Why is this an issue in my life? Why is this a pattern that I keep falling into? Why do I feel lost? Why do I feel disconnected? And that understanding will change everything. Oh, I feel disconnected and lost because the old identity that I've been clinging to for so longer no longer resonates. That's a great thing to know. So now I have the ability to say, you know what? Okay, well, I know what was don't resonate with me no more. Let me try something new. Let me try to step into other things. Man, but I would never have gotten there. I would have never gotten there if I didn't get to the understanding of why I was feeling that way. If I just viewed feeling lost and feeling disconnected as a bad thing, like something was wrong with me, and I was trying to find all these answers without actually getting to the root of why I feel this way, that's gonna lead to a lot of frustration. That's gonna lead to a lot of tough outcomes. You could see it. And point number four, the last point. Rebuilding requires exploring, experimentation, and becoming. Once you've allowed yourself to acknowledge what isn't working, feel what you've been avoiding, and understand the roots of your pattern, there comes a point where you can now begin rebuilding. And rebuilding doesn't necessarily mean creating a perfect life overnight. It means experimenting with the new understanding that you have now. This is where we can get stuck again because we want the new version of ourselves to be fully formed before we're willing to start. We want to know exactly what our purpose is before pursuing something. We want to know whether a new direction is right before exploring it. We want certainty before taking action. But sometimes you rebuild through experimentation. You try something, you learn, you realize what you like, you realize what you don't, you meet new people, you enter new environments, you try new routines, you discover new interests. And slowly through that experimentation, you begin developing a clearer sense of who you are and what actually matters to you in this season of your life. So when you're feeling lost and you're feeling disconnected and you're feeling like all of these things are issues, we first are going to cultivate the understanding, right? That's the first step, awareness and understanding. I'm aware that I feel this way. I'm aware that this is a pattern. Now let me go down the path of understanding why this is the way it is. Then, from that understanding, guess what I can start doing? Rebuilding experimentation, trying new things, right? Whatever it may be. And that in itself is going to completely change those seasons of your life. Right. And slowly through that experience, through the experimentation, you begin developing a clearer sense of who you are and what matters to you and how you want to show up, right? Because you understand yourself. Understanding is the foundation of you and your connection to self, understanding oneself, awareness and understanding. Awareness, understanding, living with intention. Awareness, understanding, living with intention. You don't have to find yourself. You need to understand yourself. You can build yourself through experience. Your identity isn't necessarily something that's fixed that you need to uncover. It's something that can evolve as you learn more about yourself and the world around you. Rebuilding requires giving yourself permission to begin again. You may not be good at a new thing. You may not know whether it will work. You may change your mind. That's part of expiration. If every experiment has to become a permanent decision, you'll be too afraid to experiment at all. Do you know how many people aren't willing to actually understand who they are? Because in their mind, every experiment or everything that they do has to be a permanent decision. We don't give ourselves permission to begin again. We don't give ourselves permission to just try new things and see what works and what doesn't. No, whatever I choose to do, it has to be the right thing. It has to be. It's very egotistical. It's very rigid, right? We got to take a full step back. Let me just try this thing. If it doesn't work, that's okay. That's feedback. And I need feedback to understand myself and what works and what doesn't.

unknown 1:00:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:06

I've tried so many different forms of content. I've tried so many different formats of styles and stuff. And some things just didn't really work, but I'm not going to view those things as like, oh my gosh, this is a problem. I'm broken. I need fixing because these things didn't work. No, I'm just experimenting. I'm trying new things. Right. That's what I love to do with fitness. Right. When you see me, I go from running, then I'm trying boxing, and then I'm trying swimming, and then I'm doing pickleball. I'm just trying different things and see what I like. And guess where it's brought me back to? Starting back running again. I'm like, yo, I I'm in a season where I really, I really, I really love running right now. You know what I mean? I want to get back into it. You know, I look back and I love the running culture and stuff like that. So that's where I'm at. But previously, like this last year, was a lot of boxing. You know what I mean? I was loving boxing, you know, and it's not like I don't like these things, but I'm just using it as an analogy to give yourself permission to try new things and then let go of things that no longer resonate. It's okay. It's okay and shift your perspective on all of these things that you think are areas you need to fix. No, a lot of it is just a lack of understanding, a lack of understanding. And when you understand yourself better, it's going to help you to live more intentionally, live more aligned, live more authentically. Come on. The goal isn't to immediately know who you're becoming, the goal is to create enough space to discover it. And how do you create space? By giving yourself the space to be in those seasons, giving yourself the space to be in the I don't know, feeling disconnected, feeling lost, feeling like I don't know which decision to make. Give yourself the space to be in those things. And a lot of times you don't need to try to rush to get answers or rush to get clarity. Like I said, when we try to rush through these seasons, it actually prolongs the suffering. It creates more rigidity in our path. Sometimes you just gotta be with yourself. So many things that come up in our life are asking us to just be with ourselves. Right? Think about when you are going through a really, really tough situation. And I'm gonna speak for me. There's been so many times where I would go to somebody, and it's not like I needed advice. I just needed somebody to be present and listen to me, right? I don't really need advice. I just need somebody to give me the space to get what I have to get out. It is the same with yourself. Sometimes you just need to sit with yourself. You don't need to try to find answers. You don't need to try to fix anything. You just need to sit, be present, and cultivate that understanding. And a lot of times that understanding will alleviate the exact thing that you think is such a problem in your life. Right. And I'm not, and I don't want to talk about this thing, like this stuff like it's easy. It's not easy to sit with yourself. It is simple, but it's not easy, right? It is uncomfortable. And that's what you have to be willing to do for you. Because when you love yourself, right, and you love somebody, you're willing to do things that may be uncomfortable because you love them. Right. So when you truly want to go down the path of cultivating self-love, it's going to require you to do things that are uncomfortable at times. But you keep showing up for yourself. And what was once so uncomfortable starts to become easier to do, just like everything in life going to the gym, reading, writing, whatever it is, starting a new endeavor. Usually when you start something that you haven't done in a while or haven't done at all, it is very uncomfortable. But you keep showing up and eventually you get acclimated and more comfortable and more used to doing it. And it becomes easier. Come on. You can't discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of shore. You'll never be able to discover new horizons or new oceans if you never have the courage to leave the shore. And how do we relate that to our life? You'll never be able to discover, to discover new parts of yourself, new identities you want to step into, new things that you're passionate about, unless you have the willingness to leave what no longer resonates, even though, even though it's familiar, even though it's all that you know. You gotta have the willingness to lose sight of shore in order to find those new horizons. Think about building a house. You don't start by picking out the curtains, you start with the foundation, then you build the structure, then the rooms begin to take shape. Eventually, you can see what the house is becoming. Rebuilding yourself can be similar. You don't need the entire blueprint on day one. You need somewhere to start. Let me just start with the foundation. Let me start with the foundation. No, I'm not fully clear on what I want my house to look like. But let me just start with the foundation, right? Let me let me just spend some time exploring that. How do I want my foundation to be? Boom. And then from there, let's all right, let's let's build this. Let's build that. All right, I want a room there. I want a backyard like this. I want, and you just slowly start putting things together. And eventually you got a beautiful crib. But it started with that strong foundation. And what's the foundation for us? Awareness and understanding. Awareness and understanding is a very strong foundation to build your life on. So be mindful of that, my brothers and sisters. A practice for point number four. Create a personal exploration list. Write down something you've always been curious about, something that you want to learn in this season, somewhere you want to go, someone or the type of people that you want to meet, a habit that you want to experiment with, an environment you want to experience, something that you've been afraid to try, but actually want to step into. Then choose one thing and explore it without requiring it to become anything certain or any part of your identity or anything like that. No added, you know, pressure of what this thing needs to be. I'm just gonna let myself discover and explore. That is it. And you give yourself grace to that. And not everything is gonna. Resonate, but that doesn't mean it's a failure because exploration is not about everything resonating. It's just about putting yourself out there, trying different things, figuring out what doesn't work and what does, so that you know what to actually give your energy to. But in order to get to that place of clarity, you gotta be willing to explore and discover other parts of yourself, other parts of yourself. And before we end this episode, I wanted to give a higher perspective from Dr. K's video that I watched on his four stages of like going through a crisis and stuff, just to give a little bit more concrete like background like on what he was saying. So I'm just gonna read through this, take it how you want to take it, and then definitely go watch the video. I'm gonna put the video in the bio. So tap into that. It's an amazing video. But I'm just gonna give you a rundown of what kind of the video entailed. And yeah, if it hits, it hits. Take it with a green of salt. So this is Dr. K's perspective on feeling lost and growth. The first part, feeling lost can be part of development. Dr. Kay's framework challenges the idea that feeling lost automatically means something has gone wrong. Sometimes an old identity path or set of expectations no longer fits, and the discomfort is part of transitioning into something new. Beautiful. Then he has this thing called the locked in phase. We become committed to a path because of family expectations, society, past decisions, relationships, or the identity that we've built around it. Eventually, something inside of us starts saying, This isn't working anymore. And instead of listening, we often try to force ourselves back into an old identity. The next point separation creates discomfort. When you step away from an old identity or path, you may experience guilt, sadness, anxiety, relief, or uncertainty. Those emotions don't necessarily mean you've made the wrong decision. They can simply be a part of letting go of what was familiar. Huge. Next point, you need a period of exploration. Instead of immediately demanding, what is my purpose? What's the next step? Where is the clarity? Allow yourself to experiment and try things. Pay attention. Learn what gives you energy and what drains you, what interests you, and what environments bring different parts of you alive, right? Go through the explore exploration and experimentation phase. The next point, finding yourself can become the wrong goal. A major takeaway from Dr. K is moving away from the idea that there is one fixed version of yourself waiting to be discovered. You can explore and craft who you're becoming through experience, right? That crafting part is incredibly important to remember. Like we're meant to craft ourselves into a version of us that feels true to who we are. Like that's the beauty of this life is you have creative agency. You can create the life that feels true to you. There's not one set in stone way that you need to be. Craft yourself into things, into versions of yourself that feel true to you in that season. And that is going to evolve as you evolve. And then the last point, the connection to this episode, right? I wanted to put a part that connects his video to the episode that we just did. This is why learning to be with yourself matters so much. If you're constantly judging yourself, escaping discomfort, or demanding certainty, you won't give yourself the space necessary to explore. You need enough internal safety to be curious about yourself. Be curious about yourself. Not judgmental. A lot of people are judgmental about themselves. Be curious about yourself. And curiosity requires self-compassion and grace. So you got to give yourself that. But like I said, I'm going to put the video in the link in the bio. Go tap in, and it's an amazing video. He provides a whole different perspective to this stuff that really can help you guys the way it helped me, truly. It was an amazing video. It was from like two years ago, two years ago, two or three years ago, and it still applies to this day. So maybe getting to the root isn't about digging deeper so you can find everything that's wrong with you. Maybe it's about becoming willing to finally sit with yourself long enough to understand what's actually happening, to feel the feelings you've been avoiding, to acknowledge the emotions you've been judging, to notice the patterns without immediately making them mean something is wrong with you. Because sometimes the very thing you're trying to escape is the thing asking you to slow down. And maybe that's where your growth starts. Not with how do I fix this? But with can I understand this? Can you sit with the uncomfortable feeling without immediately reaching for an escape? Can you experience shame without becoming ashamed of yourself? Can you feel fear without letting it make every decision for you? Can you acknowledge where you've struggled without turning your struggle into identity? Because you don't have to hate the version of yourself you're trying to grow from. You can understand them. You can have compassion for them. You can recognize why they've developed in the way that they have. And then you can choose differently. That's a different kind of growth. Growth rooted in curiosity instead of shame. Growth rooted in self-connection instead of self-rejection. Growth that doesn't say I need to become someone else because who I am isn't enough. But instead, I can love who I am, be honest about where I am, and still choose to grow from that place. Maybe getting to the root isn't about finding something wrong with you. Maybe it's about finally becoming willing to actually be with yourself. So that is going to do it for today's episode. I love each and every one of you. I appreciate each and every one of you. And remember, most importantly, to take everything with a grain of salt. I will see you guys in the next episode. Doses