Man (Un)Caved
Welcome to Man (Un)caved podcast where we explore the complex landscape of masculinity in men. Hosted by facilitator /life coach Shane Coyle, this podcast delves deep into the multifaceted nature of what it means to be a man in today's world.
Join us as we embark on a thought-provoking journey, navigating through topics such as societal expectations, emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and personal growth. Each episode features insightful discussions, personal anecdotes, and expert interviews, providing listeners with valuable insights and tools to navigate their own journey towards authentic manhood.
Whether you're a man seeking to understand and redefine your masculinity, or someone interested in gaining a deeper understanding of the male experience, this podcast offers a safe and inclusive space for meaningful conversations.
Join the conversation as we challenge stereotypes, celebrate diversity, and embrace the richness of masculinity in all its forms. Tune in to Man (Un)caved and discover a new perspective on what it truly means to be a man.
"Not until we are willing to come out of hiding, will we truly experience our greatest potential"
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Man (Un)Caved
(Un)deceived: Radical Honesty, Self-Discovery, and Embracing Authenticity
Escape the self-deceitful trance that keeps you from living an authentic life. Discover how accountability, vulnerability, and responsibility can empower you to break free from societal pressures and victim mindsets. This episode promises to shed light on how embracing radical honesty and acknowledging your role in shaping your life can lead to personal transformation. We offer insights into challenging the illusions that keep you stuck and show you how to reclaim your individuality and true self.
Embrace the journey of personal growth and transformation without the pressure of seeking perfection. Standing in your truth is a practice, not a destination, and we guide you through how authenticity can lead to greater freedom and fulfillment. Join us as we challenge the notion that you must always have it together and encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. Listen in, and you may find the courage to embrace your true self, heal, and thrive. Don’t forget to share your thoughts by leaving a review and help spread these empowering messages.
Hey everybody, what if I told you that right now you're living in a trance. It's a trance of self-deceit, where you've convinced yourself that everything is fine, that the blame lies outside of you and that staying comfortable is the path to growth. But here's the truth the longer you stay in this trance, the further you drift from the life you truly meant to live. Hey everybody, welcome back to man on Cape. My name is Shane Coyle. It's nice to be back.
Speaker 1:I took a little hiatus doing some deep dive, and I've really been doing some inward perspective in my own life, because if I am going to ask you to go somewhere, I have to go there myself, and so I've really been looking at this idea of where we live in our self-deceit and where we avoid any responsibility. If you've been on my Instagram, you've probably seen I've been doing a lot of posts around this and I've broken this down into three pillars. So today we're going to talk about these three pillars that can wake us up from this illusion, and I broke these three pillars down into accountability, vulnerability and responsibility. These are the keys that I have found that breaking out of the self-imposed fog and stepping into our truth and you've probably heard it before the truth shall set you free. If you're ready to break out of this cycle of denial and step into real, raw freedom, let's dive in First. Let's start off with accountability, breaking the trance with accountability. Accountability is about being honest with ourself. I'm talking about radical honesty, the kind that forces you to admit you've been hiding from your own truth. This could be very difficult, because the mind tends to live in more pleasure, less pain. It wants to avoid all cost. We can justify, we can minimize, we can rationalize any behavior in avoidance to actually sit in our own truth. Most of us spend years blaming our circumstances or other people for where we are in life. But that's the trance. You see, that is the trance. It's easier to point the finger outward than to look in the mirror and say I am responsible for this. That's a hard pill to swallow for a lot of it. I'm telling you I'm not saying I've mastered this by any means. I love to stand in my truth that I do struggle with this at times because I can live in my own trance. That trance is well, well adapted.
Speaker 1:When you're holding yourself accountable, you step out of the trance of self-deceit, you stop lying to yourself about why things aren't working. You stop pretending that you're powerless. You know we're perfectly imperfect as human beings. We make mistakes about 15% of the time. We're never going to be perfect.
Speaker 1:Accountability is waking up to the reality that you have control over your actions, your choices and, ultimately, your life. No more excuses, no more victim mindset and let me speak a little bit about that for a minute, because that idea of the victim mindset is the relinquishing of self. It is passing it on to somebody else. There has to be a villain if we are going to be the victim Passing the blame. I like to call it blame shift, shame shift. We pass our behaviors and hide behind our excuses of why we can stay small.
Speaker 1:And if you've heard of me talk about this before, it's really this very childlike state of being that I'm powerless and the archetypes. We can look at it from the orphan stage I can't do this, I'll die if I do this, and we can stay stuck in there and that is part of the trance. So when you fully embrace this accountability, you actually reclaim your power. See, this idea of the victim consciousness is I am powerless. And the great paradox talks about when we fully embrace our accountability. Talks about. When we fully embrace our accountability, we reclaim our power. So to claim that we're powerless is actually the restoration of our power. It's such a fascinating thing. You start to see that you have the ability to create the life you want because you're no longer blinded by your own justifications and your own denials, the truth that sets you free. That's pillar one.
Speaker 1:Another pillar that I like to talk about is the stepping into vulnerability, to get out of our illusions and our trance. Now let's talk about this vulnerability, because stepping into your truth means showing the parts of yourself you've been hiding and I've talked about this over and over where shame is about hiding ourselves. So when we are shamed of ourself, we go into hiding. Of course, when we go into hiding, we create facades, we create roles and, if you know me, these roles become very, very addictive. We lose our authenticity because we're hiding behind our roles. So we live in a world that tells us to keep up appearances, to wear masks, to pretend everything is fine. So that's another form of self-deceit, because we're buying into the social constructs, into the matrix, if you will, to live our life in accordance to this conformity. So we lose our individuality, to this conformity. So we lose our individuality.
Speaker 1:It's living in this false version of yourself, afraid that people, if they saw the real you, the imperfect, the struggling, the human you, you wouldn't be accepted. And so, again, it goes up against not standing in our truth. It goes up against the self deceit. See, there's nobody else there like you. There's nobody out there that thinks like you, that does the things like you, that communicates the way that you do, that looks like you, that is you, the uniqueness of you, and we've lost track of that.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing Vulnerability is the antidote to this lie. It's about being courageous. Again, if you are looking for freedom, work or personal development, this is about freedom, the more free you can be in this life. So it's going to take courage and to allow yourself to be seen in your truth. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you're breaking free from the need of perfection, you're embracing your humanity.
Speaker 1:Speaking of the perfection, perfectionism in itself is a shame-based. It's a shame-based trait. We have to be perfect in order to feel loved. We have to be perfect to belong which always goes up against the species to feel validated, to gain approval, admiration. So this is where healing really begins. The vulnerability cracks open the shell. It really cracks open the shell of the self-deceit and it says I'm here, as I am no more hiding. See, we're coming out of hiding. And in doing that, you give yourself permission to grow, to connect deeply with others and to start healing those wounds you've been covering up for so long. Vulnerability doesn't weaken you. It actually frees you.
Speaker 1:Now let's take a look at the third pillar and, by the way, this is in no particular order. So I put them in three pillars, not that they have to fall this order, but these three pillars are important if you are calling in personal development, transformation, like I said, transcendence to get out of your trance, to grow. Now we're going to take a look at responsibility, the power to create your truth. This is beautiful. Finally we come to responsibility, and this pillar is where you stop waiting for someone or something to change your life. You take responsibility means you accept that you are the creator of your reality and nobody else. But again, if you're looking at it from a victim consciousness, or what I refer to as the wounded child aspect, you know you're looking for the savior. We'd be looking for somebody or something to be our savior. Of course, that never works. It's not sustainable because there is nobody else to save you. We save ourselves. So it is actually moving in personal development and personal growth, transformation is actually moving from our child phase to become mature adults.
Speaker 1:So we often deceive ourselves into thinking that life is happening to us. If only this hadn't happened or if only this person would change again. See the lack of boundaries there. Person would change again. See the lack of boundaries there If this person would change. So we're lacking responsibility, we're in our self-deceit. If this person will change, my life will be better. Or if this thing would happen, I'll be much happier. See the deceit in that, see the lies within that.
Speaker 1:And I'll talk a little bit about the end, about really this self-deceit. For me is the core of where we understand disorders, and I'm going to get back to that at the end, but stay with me for a second. But this is the trance I'm talking about. Our lack of responsibility is putting all that responsibility outside of ourselves. Responsibility is about waking up from the mindset and realizing that you are responsible for your healing, your growth and your happiness. And there's such deep richness in these three pillars once we learn to embrace these and embody these in our dailies.
Speaker 1:Now, again, it's about a practice, because it's not about being perfect. It's about practicing these techniques, the idea that no one is coming to save you, no one else is there to do your inner work. That's a hard truth, that's a hard pill to swallow, but it's also the most liberating truth. Again, this is about freedom, work. So when you take this responsibility, you step fully into your power. You realize that you are not a victim of circumstances. You're the author of the story and in the truth you find freedom. And this is the beautiful work of the understanding. The truth shall set you free and, yes, it's the truth of who we are and what we came here to do and the purpose that we have on this life. And I've talked about this before, but I'll say it again the two most important times in an individual's life, one is obviously the day you were born. It was the most important time. The second most important time in an individual's life is the day that you realize why you were born, and that feeds purpose, it feeds value, it feeds the invitation to what are we doing here, what are we responsible for? And so really embracing these things. So, at the core of these three pillars accountability, vulnerability and responsibility is one profound idea that that truth shall set you free.
Speaker 1:Living in self-deceit keeps us trapped, it keeps us in this trance, it keeps us stagnant, it keeps us unfulfilled because, with the internal which also could lead to resentments, because the resentments, the internal anger for ourself, the soul knows we're not living up in our truest potential, that we're living in out of alignment with our true sense of self. That's what I'm going to talk about now. I'm going to talk about let's just take a look at this. First of all, let's just look at the word disorder.
Speaker 1:Now, if I am living, say, even in the depression sense of self, the depressed part of ourself, the depressed emotions, if we understand repression, pushing emotions, suppression, the too painful, push it away, depression, long-term, you are pushing up against the natural flow of the body or you're pushing up against the natural order of life. Well, think about that. Then you're going to be living in a disorder. You know these anxieties. When we push away these anxieties, we push everything away. The body starts to break down. Now you're living in a disorder of the natural flow of life.
Speaker 1:So, looking at that, I tend to use a wide lens around these disorders and diagnosis. I think it's really this. What it comes down to is we're pushing up against the flow of ourselves, we are in our self-deceit, we're not standing in our truth. And we're not standing in our truth, the energy in motion, these emotions can't flow, and when they can't flow, they are breaking our body down. We are pushing them into our nervous system. We become very hypervigilant, and your immune system is reliant on a well-functioning nervous system. If I'm pushing down all of these emotions past or present emotions I can't be with these parts of myself. I'm pushing those down. Then what happens is you are also compromising your immune system. So now it's a wider lens. You've got autoimmune disease. You've got all of these elements where the body starts to fight back.
Speaker 1:Now, with that being said, just even accountability. It wakes us up to the role in our life. Vulnerability allows us to live authentically. Responsibility empowers us to take action. See, these pillars aren't just tools for personal growth. They're actually keys for breaking free from the lies you've told yourself.
Speaker 1:If you're feeling stuck, ask yourself where am I avoiding accountability? Where am I hiding my true self out of fear? Where am I refusing to take responsibility for my happiness? Answer these questions honestly and you'll start to see where you're trapped in your own trance. Because, in the end, healing and the growth aren't about perfection Remember, we're perfectly imperfect. They're about truth.
Speaker 1:You know, I think a lot of people have this idea that transformation and personal growth, we have to be these perfect meditating spiritual beings always all the time. It's about standing in our truth and we're not going to do it all the time. We are going to practice. But the more that you can practice, the more free you can be and isn't that a great place to live in this life? The more free we can be. I just wanted to say that. Thank you for joining me today. I hope this episode sparked something inside of you to step out of the illusions and into your truth of who you really are. Until next time, remember, we need to come out of hiding. You have the power to live authentically, to heal and to thrive. And if you do like this episode, please share it with people. And if you do like this episode, please give it reviews. It helps it get out there Again. My name is Shane. Welcome to man Uncaved.