(Un)told: Transforming Lives with the Art of Truth

This episode invites listeners to explore the narratives that shape their lives and the concept of radical honesty as a tool for liberation. Through storytelling, Shane emphasizes the importance of identifying and breaking free from limiting beliefs that hinder our true selves.

• Examining the psychological impact of storytelling
• Recognizing whose narrative we are living
• The effects of childhood stories and societal expectations
• Understanding the moral principles that dictate behavior
• The relationship between lying and mental health struggles
• Differentiating between social lies and self-betrayals
• Practical steps to embrace radical honesty
• Strategies for improving authenticity in communication
• Encouragement to explore Dr. Blanton's book for deeper insights
• Invitation to practice self-reflection and radical honesty

If you liked this episode, please share it.  If you enjoyed this episode, please, please, please, write a review. It helps get the word out for other people to find it, and to find me. 

Transcript

The Power of Stories

Speaker 1 0:00

We're natural meaning makers . We're constantly crafting narratives about who we are , where we've been and actually where we're going . In the stories we tell ourselves about our abilities , our relationships , our potential have the capacity and have the power to either limit us or they can set us free . Limit us or they can set us free . Hey everybody , welcome back to Men Uncaved Again . My name is Shane . Tonight let's talk about stories . Now , many of you have heard me before talk about the world is made up of stories , so let's talk about that and lead into our subject tonight . Let's talk about that and lead into our subject tonight . Stories , these ancient universal threads that have woven humanity together for thousands of years . Since the beginning of time , we've relied on stories to explain our world , to share wisdom and to create connection . Whether around campfires or etched into cave walls or written in sacred text , stories have been our guide to understand life , each other and even ourselves . Let's think about it for a minute . Every major religion , from Christianity , hinduism , islam , buddhism and Judaism they are all built on stories . These stories are of creation , of redemption . They discuss struggles and hope . These narratives aren't just teachings . They're actually blueprints for how to live , how to treat one another and how to find meaning in our existence . But here's the thing Stories aren't just a cultural or historical phenomenon . They're deeply , deeply psychological . Neuroscience tells us that when we hear a story , our brains fire and engage on a level far beyond logic and language See . Stories activate multiple regions of the brain . They can spark emotions and memories , and even mirror neurons , which makes us feel as though we're experiencing the story ourselves . So this is why stories resonate so deeply with us . They don't just tell us facts , they make us feel them . When we hear about a hero overcoming adversity , we're inspired because we see a piece of ourselves in that struggle . When a story of love and connection unfolds , it actually touches our desire for belonging and understanding . And so psychologists also suggest that storytelling is how we make sense of our lives . We're natural meaning makers . We're constantly crafting narratives about who we are , where we've been and actually where we're going . In the stories we tell ourselves about our abilities , our relationships , our potential have the capacity and have the power to either limit us or they can set us free . So here's a question Whose story are you living ? From the moment we're born , we are surrounded by narratives . Our family tells us stories of how we should be . Society defines what success looks like . Our culture outlines the right way to live .

Speaker 1 3:38

These stories can provide structure , but they actually can also become cages that limit who we are and what we believe we're actually capable of . So let's take a moment , let's think back into childhood . Maybe you were told you had to be a good kid and that's indirect , direct , maybe overt or covert . Maybe you had to be the smart one or the quiet one . Now those labels can stick . They can shape how we see our actual selves for years , even decades . Or perhaps society told you that your worth depends on your achievements or appearance . These stories can disconnect us from our true selves , making us feel like strangers or even orphans in our own lives . Psychologically , this is actually a form of abandonment , but that abandonment is not by others . It's actually us , by ourselves . When we internalize these limiting narratives , we lose touch with our innate potential , our authentic desires and then a unique path we're meant to walk . But here's the good news Just as stories can actually bind us , they can also set us free . The first step in recognizing the inherited narratives that no longer serve us is to ask yourself whose voice is this ? Whose expectation am I living by ?

Speaker 1 5:13

In his book Radical Honesty , dr Brad Blanton examines these underlying narratives we've adopted via family , culture , religion , society . He describes these stories as moral principles Dr Blanton's core ideas in his critique of what he calls the moralist lenses . Now , according to him , most people live their lives based on rigid moral principles taught to us from an early age . These principles often dictate how we should behave , what's right or wrong and how we're expected to interact with the world . Now Blanton argues that these principles , while intended to create order , often become oppressive when we blur the lines of family and social constructs with who we are . This leaves us to be more willing to seek appearance and societal approval over our own authenticity . According to Blanton , this is where we learn to lie . When we feel the pressure to conform to moral expectations , we're more likely to lie to avoid judgment or punishment . Dr Blanton later links lying to mental health struggles like stress , anxiety , depression , a lack of happiness and anger , to name a few . In his books he states anger , to name a few . In his books he states moralism and lying go hand in hand .

Speaker 1 6:49

Being good or looking good , consciously valued , lead directly to lying If you can fool a nun into believing you are good , like they want you to be , you could secretly do what you want Now , now . Now , if you're saying to yourself no , no , no , no , look , I don't lie , you're actually lying right now . But don't worry , see , we're all liars , we can all tell little to big lies some of the time . So imagine that a situation where someone asks you for an honest opinion about their work . Where someone asks you for an honest opinion about their work If you think their work is subpar but feel obligated to say it's great to avoid hurting their feelings , you're lying . Now , this is not out of malice , but out of an adherence to a moral principle of kindness . See , to be kind is how most of us identify based on these moral principles . From our parents , our teachers and society , these principles or conditionings become a rigid standard , a role and rules we must abide by .

Speaker 1 7:55

Blanton later writes after enough role-playing and idealism , our whole way of orienting ourselves in the world depends on principles of orientation rather than the ability to respond as needed based on what we perceive . So then , why do we lie ? Well , dr Blanton's perspective is that lying often stems from fear Fear of rejection , conflict or losing control . But actually , but more deeply , it's tied to the way we've been conditioned to live according to these moralist rules and these roles . See , these rules make us believe that certain parts of ourselves are unacceptable or unlovable , and this will lead us to hide or distort the truth . So before we continue , let me just discuss .

Speaker 1 8:47

In his book he talks about there's two different types of lies . Blanton differentiates what is called the social lies , which is a small , habitual lie we tell to fit in , and a self-betrayal lie , where we deny our own feelings , desires or beliefs to maintain a sense of moral righteousness . Now think about a time you agreed to do something you didn't want to do , like attend an event out of obligation . You may have said I love to come , even though you were dreading it . This is a classic example of a societal-driven lie by the fear of appearing rude or selfish . So we lie sometimes .

Speaker 1 9:32

So what If they are small little lies ? What harm can that cause , you ask ? Well , lying might seem harmless or even necessary at times , but Dr Blanton argues that it comes with significant consequences . When we lie , we create a gap between who we are and how we present ourself to the world . Now this gap leads to stress and anxiety and a sense of disconnection , both from others and especially from ourselves , and neuroscience also supports this idea . There have been studies that show lying activates the brain's stress response , increasing cortisol levels and putting us in a state of heightened anxiety . Now , over time , this can lead to chronic mental health issues like depression and low self-esteem .

Speaker 1 10:22

Now , as I mentioned many times before , I started my healing journey , overcoming a drug addiction . So I went into treatment center after treatment center seeking help and as part of the program of the rehab we had to attend AA meetings . Within the 12 steps of AA , interwoven therapy , is this underlying teaching of rigorous honesty . So we also hear this echoed in the sacred text when Jesus says the truth will set you free . Dr Blanton shares the story of a client who felt constantly exhausted and disconnected in their marriage . Through radical honesty , they realized they had been lying about their true feelings and needs for years . But by practicing radical honesty they not only improved their relationship but also regained a sense of vitality and self-respect . Okay , all right .

Speaker 1 11:23

If you made it this far during the episode , I guess you're probably wondering well , say Shane , how do we break free from this moralist lens and the habit of lying ? Well , we don't . We're all doomed everybody . So good luck out there and good night . But seriously , before I get to that million dollar question , I must remind us that breaking free from patterns is a practice and , just like learning an instrument or sports or going to the gym , it can be frustrating and it won't always be perfect . Even if you have been practicing for years , you will still not get it perfect every time . So I remind everybody gentle , gentle with self as you are growing .

Speaker 1 12:06

Now Dr Blanton talks about in his book about radical honesty approaches . He offers some types of guidelines and principles . One he talks about tell the truth in real time . Share your thoughts and feelings as they occur , rather than editing or suppressing them to fit moral expectations . Two stop managing others' reactions . Blanton emphasizes that honesty isn't about controlling how others perceive you . It's about being true to yourself , even if it's uncomfortable . And three owning your mistakes . Radical honesty doesn't mean you'll never mess up . It means acknowledging your errors openly and using them as opportunities to grow .

Practicing Radical Honesty for Well-Being

Speaker 1 12:54

Now that in itself we talk about that when program and just transformation itself , that is for me , accountability . Clearing your side of the street , clearing what your errors are , your shortcomings are , your misacting out , owning that rigorous honesty , cleaning your side of the street . Now you can start practicing radical honesty in actually small ways . Here's an example If you're feeling tired and someone invites you out , try saying I'm feeling drained and I need rest tonight , instead of inventing any other excuses of why you can't go . Just I am feeling tired and I need to rest . We embrace radical honesty . We can free ourselves from this mental and emotional burdens of lying . According to Blanton , this practice not only improves our relationships , but also it actually enhances our well-being , reducing stress and fostering deeper connections with friendships and partnership . If you're curious about exploring this practice , try starting with one conversation where you commit to being completely honest . Now notice how it feels and what are the shifts in the dynamic . Notice how it feels in your body . Notice your breathing rhythm . Notice the dynamics in the dialogue . What is shifting in there ? Do you feel there's more safety ? Do you feel there's more trust building there ? These are some practicing tools .

Speaker 1 14:22

If you are interested in learning more , I do highly suggest getting Dr Blanton's book Again . It's called Radical Honesty . It's a great book . He goes into more depth about what I talked . This was just a quick snapshot for the episode to kind of get you excited about this . If you like this episode , please share it . It helps people maybe find the tools that they need to get into their honesty . And if you enjoyed this episode , please , please , please , write a review . It helps get the word out for other people to find it , to find me to get whatever healing they need . Again , my name is Shane Coyle . This is man Uncaved . We need to come out of hiding .