Man (Un)Caved

(Un)afraid: A Journey into Self-Discovery and Mature Masculinity

• Shane Coyle • Season 2 • Episode 7

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When you identify with a hero's journey, say in a movie, or you feel conflicted with your inner shadow, you're actually tapping into these archetypal patterns. They're a bridge between the personal and the universal. They help us understand our inner world and connect us with others on a much more deeper level connect us with others on a much more deeper level. Hey everybody, welcome back to man Uncaved. This is Shane. Now, I am really excited about this topic tonight. This is something that I'm really passionate about, and so I'm just going to go ahead and jump right into it. Today we're going to be talking about an essential topic, about how boys become men, and this is going to be through the lens of what's called archetypes and we're going to go into that a little bit more and how we'll explore these four foundational archetypes, looking at what's called the king, the warrior, the magician and the lover, and how they shape a man's journey. And we're going to be looking at the polarities within each archetype, how they can guide us and also how they can limit our own growth. Now, to help us, along with today's episode, I'm going to be pulling some insights from the seminal book titled King, warrior, magician, lover Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine. Now this is written by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. Now, this book is a pivotal exploration of how these archetypes can influence a man's development and how we can use them to step into a more fuller, more integrated versions of ourself. So let's explore these archetypes, the polarities with them, and how they play a role in our man's growth from what is called boyhood or boy psychology into maturity. But before we go down that, let's talk about what exactly is an archetype. For those that don't know. Well, carl Jung, the renowned Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, described archetypes as a universal patterns and symbols that reside in the collective unconscious. These are not just random images or ideas, but deeply ingrained blueprints that influence our thoughts, our behaviors and our perceptions. Jung believed that archetypes are inherited psychic structures. They're shared by all humans and that they shape how we experience the world. They manifest in myths and dreams and art, and even in the stories we tell today. These archetypes are actually fundamental characters or motifs that transcend time and culture the hero, the brave figure who faces trials to bring about change. There's the wise old man that represents wisdom, guidance and the shadow embodying the darker, repressed aspects of ourself. Now, these archetypes don't exist as specific people, but as universal energies, if you will, that express themselves in our lives as well as in society. Now here's what's really interesting. We often encounter these archetypes without even realizing it. When you identify with a hero's journey, say in a movie, or you feel conflicted with your inner shadow, you're actually tapping into these archetypal patterns. They're a bridge between the personal and the universal. They help us understand our inner world and connect us with others on a much more deeper level. Jung's idea of archetypes gives us a lens to explore who we are. By recognizing these patterns within ourselves, we can uncover hidden motivations in ourselves. We can uncover hidden motivations, heal unresolved conflicts and step into our true potential.

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In the book Kings, warriors and Magician, lover, moore and Gillette break down the masculine psyche into four distinct archetypes. Each are symbolizing a different aspect of a man's potential, but these are not separate compartments. Actually, each archetype contains its own polarities, its strengths and its shadow. To understand how a boy becomes a man, we need to look at these four archetypes and how they play out in our own lives. Let's take a look now at the king.

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The king represents the mature, sovereign part of a man the leader, the provider and the protector. He is the one who sits on the throne of his life, ruling with wisdom, fairness and a deep sense of responsibility. The king is about order and justice and he brings a balance and stability to the world. Moore and Gillette write. The king archetype in its highest form has a deep, unshakable sense of purpose, a sense of knowing what is right and the ability to bring that knowledge into the world with grace. Now, however, remember, each side has its own polarity. So the shadow side of the king is known as the tyrant, the tyrannical king ruler. And this tyrannical king rules with fear, arrogance and the need for control. He's lost touch with compassion and empathy. The shadow king can become consumed with pride, is obsessed with power and selfishness. So just looking at those two from the king and the tyrannical king, noticing, as we move through these archetypes, those parts of ourself.

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Now let's dive into the warrior. The warrior archetype is about discipline, action and courage. Now he represents the part of a man that steps into battle, whether it's a literal fight, a career challenge or personal adversity. The warrior is determined, decisive and relentless when pursuing his goals. Moore and Gillette describe the warrior as the one who is willing to step into the fray and act decisively for what is right, and he embodies the values of honor and courage. Now, but when this warrior is out of balance, he becomes a sociopath, someone consumed by aggression and violence without purpose. A man that is stuck in the shadow of the warrior might become ruthless, over-competitive or quick to anger, using force or intimidation rather than wisdom to solve problems.

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The magician is the wise man, the mentor, the seer. He is deeply and deeply connected to the mysteries of life, tapped into intuition and transformation. The magician is about insight, self-reflection and the ability to understand the bigger picture. He can actually see through illusions and bring clarity to confusing situations. As Moore and Gillette write, the magician is the one who can see beyond the ordinary world into the realm of possibilities, whether that's through creativity, spirituality or intellectual pursuits. Now the magician's shadow is the manipulator, someone who uses his insight for selfish gain or control over others. The manipulative magician might deceive, manipulate or withhold the truth to maintain power or avoid confrontation. His wisdom becomes a tool for dominance rather than using it to liberate.

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Let's look at the lover. The lover is the archetype of passion, emotion and connection. He is attuned to the beauty, creativity and sensuality. The lover embraces life fully, savoring experiences and relationships. Now, this archetype is the most in touch with a man's emotions and his capacity for love and for empathy. Now, in the book, moore and Gillette describe the lover as the archetype that opens us to the pleasures of life, connecting us to others in an intimate and emotional way. Now, just like all the other ones, the lover also has a shadow. When that lover can become unbalanced and failing, it falls into the shadow, the shadow of the addicted lover seeking constant pleasure, validation or emotional highs. The shadow lover may become addicted to substances, love or fleeting experiences. It's unable to find deeper meaning or a true connection. His life becomes a cycle of seeking gratification without satisfaction.

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Now that we have talked about the four foundational archetypes, let's dig deeper into the concept of polarities, the duality that exists within each archetype, and how each of these archetypes has two opposing sides, and it's through balancing these opposites that a boy becomes a man. So let's talk about the king as the benevolent ruler versus the tyrant. So more in Gillette explained, the king archetype contains a polarity between what is called the benevolent ruler and the tyrant. The tyrant seeks power for selfish gains, while the benevolent king serves the greater good with wisdom and care. The king archetype requires a man to find the balance between power and humility, between ruling with integrity and becoming obsessed with control. A man who can embody both wisdom and compassion becomes a ruler of his own life and his relationships, without becoming overbearing or domineering.

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The warrior archetype presents a polarity between what's called the disciplined fighter and the aggressive soldier. Now the disciplined warrior is focused, self-controlled and chooses his battles wisely. Now, on the flip side, the shadow warrior becomes reckless, over-combative and driven by ego. He uses aggression to prove his worth. The mature warrior knows when to fight and when to protect. His strength comes not from constantly seeking conflict, but from having the wisdom to know when to use his power for good and when to retreat or seek peace.

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Now let's take a look at the magician. The magician's polarities lies between being the wise teacher and the manipulator. A wise magician uses his knowledge for the benefit of others, guiding them, providing insight and helping them grow. Now the manipulative magician, however, uses his intellect to deceive, control or avoid confronting his own emotional wounds. So, in the balance, a man learns to become a visionary, someone who can use insight for the good of his community, his family and his own soul's growth. The magician helps guide others on their journeys without seeking to dominate or control.

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Finally, the lover. Now, this polarity is between what is called the passionate creator and the addicted pleaser. The lover is in touch with his emotions, his desire and his capacity for intimacy, but the shadow lover seeks constant pleasure without meaning, using external things for his own validation to fill his inner void. More, in Gillette Wright, the lover is the archetype that expresses the beauty of life. But when that is imbalanced, he can become consumed with his need for affirmation and desire, which often leads to destructive behavior patterns. The balance lover is grounded in his passions but is able to experience them without becoming dependent on them. He enjoys life's pleasures while seeking deeper connections and personal growth. Enjoys life's pleasures while seeking deeper connections and personal growth.

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So how do we take these archetypes and these polarities? And the idea is to integrate them into our lives. It's not about embodying just one archetype at a time. It's about finding the balance between all four. So I'm going to talk a little bit about how this process can look, and here's some tools to help us. One is self-reflection Take stock of which archetypes are most dominant in your life. Are you stuck in the shadow of one, for example, are you too focused on work, neglecting emotional connections? Are you overcompensating by being overly aggressive or controlling? Understand where you are on the spectrum of each archetype is the first step towards integrating the positive aspects and transforming the shadow sides. Another helpful tool is conscious integration making a conscious effort to cultivate the shadow aspects of each archetype.

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If you are too focused on being a warrior, balance it with the introspection of the magician. If you lean too heavily into the king, you might need to connect more with your lover or soften your approach more with more humility. Another helpful tool I found is embracing your fullness. A fully realized man is one who can draw from all four archetypes as needed. In times of conflict, the warrior is called. In moments of reflection, the magician guides. In moments of nurturing and growth, the king leads guides. In moments of nurturing and growth, the king leads. And in time of connection, the lover embodies passion and depth. So that was some helpful tools. Again, I highly suggest picking up the book by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette to dive deeper in. There are also subcategories that go into more depth about the king, the warrior, the magician and the lover. I found this to be really amazing.

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And when we don't know how to integrate basically these four archetypes that are described here, then we stay in a boy psychology. We stay in our immature self, which we act out more. We're more aggressive. We are more childish in our immature self, which we act out more we're more aggressive. We are more childish in our own ways. I hope you really enjoyed this episode. This is one of my favorite topics. I use a lot of this stuff in my own life, but I also use this in my practice, from private. I run groups, I run workshops and retreats, so I use this all the time, using these archetypes or connecting to these archetypes within self to design the life and become the architect of our own life.

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If you did enjoy this episode, please, please, all that I ask. Of course, this is all free. I take a lot of time to hopefully give you all great information to help you on your journey. Please leave a review and, if possible, please share some words. I love reading what has landed for you in this episode or even previous episodes as well. As, selfishly, it does help get these podcasts and episodes out there because, hey, there might be someone out there that does need to hear this Again. My name is Shane. This is man Uncaved. We need to come out of hiding.