Man (Un)Caved
Welcome to Man (Un)caved podcast where we explore the complex landscape of masculinity in men. Hosted by facilitator /life coach Shane Coyle, this podcast delves deep into the multifaceted nature of what it means to be a man in today's world.
Join us as we embark on a thought-provoking journey, navigating through topics such as societal expectations, emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and personal growth. Each episode features insightful discussions, personal anecdotes, and expert interviews, providing listeners with valuable insights and tools to navigate their own journey towards authentic manhood.
Whether you're a man seeking to understand and redefine your masculinity, or someone interested in gaining a deeper understanding of the male experience, this podcast offers a safe and inclusive space for meaningful conversations.
Join the conversation as we challenge stereotypes, celebrate diversity, and embrace the richness of masculinity in all its forms. Tune in to Man (Un)caved and discover a new perspective on what it truly means to be a man.
"Not until we are willing to come out of hiding, will we truly experience our greatest potential"
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www.manuncaved.com
Man (Un)Caved
(Un)cluttered: Mind Space, Achieving Mental Liberation, and Inner peace.
What if you could break free from the relentless cycle of negative thoughts and achieve mental liberation? Join us as we explore the transformative power of creating space between you and your thoughts, inspired by the wisdom of a world-renowned pianist. Discover how the space between musical notes can teach us to detach from our mental narratives, often colored by past experiences and cognitive biases, as highlighted by researcher Lisa Feldman Barrett. We share practical techniques to observe thoughts without judgment, question assumptions, and practice mindfulness to reduce stress and suffering. Ground yourself in the present moment with the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method, and gain tools to become more aware of your mental processes.
Unlock the secrets to inner peace through mindfulness and learn how to manage emotional dysregulation. By tuning into bodily sensations and anchoring yourself in the present, you can transform the fight-or-flight response into a state of calm observation. We cover cognitive detachment tools like labeling thoughts, helping you recognize them as fleeting events rather than reality. This shift fosters clarity and allows for more compassionate, thoughtful responses. Embrace progress over perfection and be gentle with yourself as you navigate life's challenges. With each step, gain a greater sense of awareness and stride toward mental liberation.
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of man Uncaved, today's episode. I wanted to open up with a story. Now, this is about 10 or 12 years ago. There was this pianist, this world-renowned pianist, and he was being interviewed for an upcoming concert he was about to do. Now, in the interview he was asked people love you. They come from far and wide to hear the beautiful masterpieces you make on the piano. We have to know what is the secret. How do you make these beautiful masterpieces? Make these beautiful masterpieces? Now the pianist paused, took a moment and replied it's not the notes that make it, it's the space in between, and where we become alive is within that space, now, particularly the space in between our own thoughts. So today we're going to dive into a practice that I believe can radically help transform your experience, which is learning to detach from our own thoughts.
Speaker 1:Now, how often do we find ourselves caught in our mental whirlwind, where we're battling with our thoughts? Our thoughts can dictate our moods, our actions, even our own sense of self. Now, I know we've all been there. A fleeting worry becomes a full-blown anxiety attack. A casual observation morphs into a judgment that fuels resentment. But what if I told you that you don't have to believe every thought that pops up into your mind. Now, what if you could create a space in between yourself and your thinking? And it is within that space that freedom and liberation lives.
Speaker 1:Now, first, let's start by understanding the nature of thought. Modern neuroscience and psychology are interestingly revealing that our thoughts are largely interpretations and assumptions. Not necessarily objective truths, but more subjective truths. Subjective truths, as researchers like Lisa Feldman Barrett, in her work on constructing emotions, have shown. Our brains actively construct our reality based on past experiences, social cues and our internal state. Now, what does this mean? This means that what we perceived as fact is often a highly personalized interpretation. So think of it this way your brain is constantly generating narratives to make sense of the world, much like a storyteller weaving together fragments of information. Now, these narratives are built on assumptions. Fragments of information. Now, these narratives are built on assumptions which, in essence, are unprocessed thoughts rooted in past experiences.
Speaker 1:If you've had a negative experience with a certain type of person in the past, your brain might automatically generate negative assumptions when you encounter someone similar, even if that person is completely different. Now think about that, someone that triggers you, and yet you don't know why this emotional flashback from a past experience could be the culprit. Now, this could also explain why we tend to gravitate towards relationships, romantic or not, that tend to have a familiar essence. Now, research in cognitive psychology also supports this idea, this idea. Studies have shown that our cognitive biases, like confirmation bias and availability, heuristic, influence how we interpret information. We tend to seek out and remember information that confirms our existing beliefs, while also ignoring or downplaying contradictory evidence. Now, this is why two people can experience the same event and have completely different interpretations of it.
Speaker 1:And here's the crucial point when we attach to every thought without pausing to gather more data or to observe with awareness, we can create our own suffering. We become prisoners of our own assumptions. Now, for example, if you think my boss hates me and you immediately react as if this were an undeniable fact, you might become defensive, withdrawn or even aggressive. This creates a negative feedback loop, reinforcing your initial assumption and impacting your work and relationships. And simply, what we want to see, we will see, even when it is causing us to suffer the most. So how do we break free from this cycle? How do we create that space in between ourself and our thoughts? Well, the first step is awareness Practice, observing your thoughts without judgment. Imagine your thoughts are like a cloud passing through the sky. Now you don't have to grab onto them or try to push them away. Simply notice them, acknowledge them for what they are and let them pass. The next is question your assumptions, asking yourself is this thought really true? Now, what evidence do I have to support it? What evidence contradicts it, and are there any other possible interpretations? This process of inquiry can help you see your thoughts from a more objective perspective. If you are very interested in more of this work, byron Katie does a lot of great practices that she actually calls the work and how to separate from your thoughts with certain questions.
Speaker 1:Another powerful tool is mindfulness. Meditation is a great mechanism for slowing down your thoughts being still getting connected to what's real in the moment, because when we meditate, you're actually training your mind to focus on that present moment rather than getting caught up in thought about the past or the future. Getting caught up in thought about the past or the future. This practice can help you develop a greater sense of awareness. I always hear a lot when I run some groups around practicing meditation and it's always interesting that people say well, I'd meditate, but my mind just won't sit still. Well, that's the point. We're not here to slow down our mind. That's impossible. We're talking here to slow down our mind. That's impossible. We're talking about a hundred billion neurons just firing for whatever reasons they're firing for, it's to be more of the observer. How can I step away from my thoughts without attaching to them as the ultimate truth?
Speaker 1:Some other techniques are grounding techniques, bringing you more into that present moment. Many of you may have heard this before. It's the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing that you can taste. Two things you can smell and one thing that you can taste. This technique actually pulls us in engaging in our own senses, pulling your focus away from your mental rumination and into the present physical environment. I'd use a lot of these practices when working individually with clients and group.
Speaker 1:When an individual can be emotionally dysregulated, they're captured into their fight-flight response Instead of going more into the story, which could obviously be more activating and dysregulating. Pull them into the present moment where in the body. Start, bringing them into the sensation level where they can learn to create a window of tolerance and be more into the sensation level, where they can learn to create a window of tolerance and be more of an observer, where they can think and feel simultaneously. So here's some tools you can practice for yourself Focusing on the sensations. Can you feel your feet on the ground? Can you notice the feeling of your clothes against your skin, maybe the temperature of the air on your skin? Now, these sensations anchor you into the present moment, really, neurologically. What you're doing is you're getting out of your limbic system and back into the present moment.
Speaker 1:Another cognitive detachment tool could be labeling your thoughts Mentally. Labeling the thoughts as thinking could be labeling your thoughts mentally, labeling the thoughts as thinking, worrying, judging or remembering. This can help create distance from your own thoughts, helping you to see it as a mental event rather than reality. So, instead of I'm going to fail, think I'm having the thought that I'm going to fail, thus creating an awareness that all I'm doing is thinking. And when we recognize that, when we're thinking, we are able to create that nice, beautiful space in between our own thoughts.
Speaker 1:Practicing these techniques, you can cultivate a sense of inner peace and freedom. You can learn to respond to life with greater clarity and compassion, rather than continuously to react from a place of fear and assumptions. So this is not about suppressing your thoughts or pretending they don't exist. It's about recognizing them for what they are Transient mental events. And with that recognition comes the freedom to choose how to respond. So that's today's episode of man Uncaved. I hope this was helpful in how we navigate our own life and making conscious choices and decisions through awareness and practice. Practice does not make perfection. It just makes progress. So, as you're journeying through your life and you are practicing certain techniques as described here in today's episode, be gentle with yourself, be gentle with others. Life is a journey. I am shane. This is man uncaved. We need to come out of hiding.