Man (Un)Caved
Welcome to Man (Un)caved podcast where we explore the complex landscape of masculinity in men. Hosted by facilitator /life coach Shane Coyle, this podcast delves deep into the multifaceted nature of what it means to be a man in today's world.
Join us as we embark on a thought-provoking journey, navigating through topics such as societal expectations, emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and personal growth. Each episode features insightful discussions, personal anecdotes, and expert interviews, providing listeners with valuable insights and tools to navigate their own journey towards authentic manhood.
Whether you're a man seeking to understand and redefine your masculinity, or someone interested in gaining a deeper understanding of the male experience, this podcast offers a safe and inclusive space for meaningful conversations.
Join the conversation as we challenge stereotypes, celebrate diversity, and embrace the richness of masculinity in all its forms. Tune in to Man (Un)caved and discover a new perspective on what it truly means to be a man.
"Not until we are willing to come out of hiding, will we truly experience our greatest potential"
Need support? Our free recovery services and weekly support groups are here to help both individuals and families affected by addiction and mental health challenges. You don’t have to do this alone. Schedule a free, confidential call today and start the healing process for everyone involved.
www.manuncaved.com
Man (Un)Caved
(Un)Balanced: When Masculine Strength Becomes Self-Abandonment
Ever feel like you're living a double life? Outwardly successful and dependable—the rock everyone leans on—while inwardly wrestling with emptiness, anxiety, and a disconnection from yourself? You're not alone.
This raw exploration dives into what might be the most unspoken struggle among men today: the shadow side of being the provider and protector. When these honorable roles become your entire identity, something profound gets lost—you. The very traits that make you reliable for others slowly erode your connection to yourself.
Today's man faces a unique challenge our fathers never encountered. We're still expected to provide financially and protect physically, but now we must simultaneously be emotionally available, spiritually grounded, and fully present. It's like carrying two backpacks instead of one, often without the tools or examples to guide us. No wonder so many men feel like they're failing.
Through personal stories and practical strategies, I share the path forward—not by rejecting strength, but by redefining it. True power comes from integration, from being both the unmovable rock and the flowing river, knowing which energy serves each moment. Learn four tools to balance traditional masculine responsibilities with authentic self-connection: redefining strength as capacity rather than control, developing emotional awareness through simple daily check-ins, creating boundaries around vulnerability, and embracing the Rock and River Mindset.
Ready to stop performing manhood and start practicing it? Join our monthly men's gathering where we do this work together—no posturing, just real men building emotional strength and legacy. Because the world doesn't need more hard men—it needs whole men who know who they are and aren't afraid to show it.
The Gathering is my online men's group where we talk about the stuff most guys are afraid to admit — anger, shame, relationships, self-sabotage — and actually do something about it. This is where you stop pretending and start showing up for yourself, your relationships, and the man you know you're meant to be.
Ready to get real? Sign up now at https://www.manuncaved.com/the-gathering — and let’s start breaking the cycle together.
I want to tell you a story, not someone else's story, mine. Now, there was a time not long ago when from the outside I looked solid. I had a steady job, good income, providing for my family. You know I was that guy that people could count on, you know that rock. But here's what most people didn't see. Every time I woke up, a tight chest, a sense of dread that I couldn't quite explain. I'd put my game face on, I'd check the boxes, keep everyone afloat, but inside I felt hollow, like I was living in a house with no furniture, all structure and no soul.
Speaker 1:Now there's something most men won't admit, not even to their wives, to their friends, sometimes not even to themselves being that provider, being that protector, being that rock sometimes can feel like its own prison. At times it feels good, you're needed, you've got a role, a mission, but over time you start to disappear behind that role. Now, I couldn't remember the last time I laughed Like I mean, like really belly laughed. I forgot what it felt like to do something just because I wanted to. I didn't even know what I needed emotionally, because all I ever focused on was everyone else. See what? I didn't even know what I needed emotionally, because all I ever focused on was everyone else. See, what I didn't realize then was I was protecting my family while abandoning myself. Now I told myself I don't have the time to feel that I'm fine, was enough, that it was noble to carry it all without complaining. But underneath the surface, I was full of resentment, anxiety, loneliness so deep I couldn't name it. At night I felt like a stranger in my own skin because I didn't even know who I was anymore.
Speaker 1:Now that's the shadow side of the rock. The protector, the provider. You're too busy holding it all together for everyone else. You don't even notice you started crumbling inside. You don't ask for help, you don't check in with yourself. You mistake silence for strength and numbness for peace and eventually take silence for strength and numbness for peace and eventually you stop showing up, not physically, but emotionally. You become a ghost with a pulse. If you've ever felt this, you're not broken, you're just tired. And maybe no one ever taught you how to be strong without shutting down, how to lead and feel, how to protect your family without abandoning yourself. Check it out, guys. You can learn. And it starts by doing something completely radical turning inward, facing yourself, rebuilding a connection to the part of you that's been buried under years of pressure and performance. Now, this podcast, this work, it's not about shaming you for being strong. It's about reminding you that strength isn't about how much you carry. It's about knowing when to set it down and having the courage to ask what do I need? Because the truth is, you deserve a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good from the outside.
Speaker 1:Now, today, we're going to talk about a part of manhood that often is celebrated publicly and quietly destroys men privately. Now listen, these are honorable roles. There is nothing wrong with wanting to show up for your partner, your kids, your family, your team. There's nobility in that instinct. But here's the catch, and it's one most men never see coming when your entire identity is built around providing and protecting others, you start forgetting about to provide and protect yourself. And one of the most common things I hear in working with men for 20 years thousands of men. I'm exhausted, but I don't know how to stop. I don't even know who I am without the responsibility Sound familiar. If being the rock is the only version of masculinity you're allowing to express, eventually it's going to break you, because rocks don't bend. They don't cry, they don't bleed, they just crack. So let me ask you are you being strong or are you just avoiding being seen? Are you protecting your family while abandoning yourself? Are you taking care of everyone else while quietly dying inside? Because I've been there, I know what it's like to look solid and feel so hollow.
Speaker 1:The way we've been asked to show up as men today is radically different than the way our fathers were taught. So let's start with the provider. You know, back then that was the whole gig Bring home the bacon, keep the lights on, put food on the table, done Job, complete Emotions, optional Connection, secondary Purpose, irrelevant. It didn't matter if he was emotionally absent, shut down or burning out. As long as he was producing, he was winning. But for us men today, providing money isn't enough anymore. Now we're also supposed to be present, emotionally available, attuned, purpose-driven and spiritually grounded. See, we're still carrying the weight of providing, but now we're carrying a whole extra backpack of emotional labor too.
Speaker 1:Now let's talk about the protector. Our fathers learned to protect in the most literal sense. You know, lock the door, handle danger, keep people safe. But no one told them how to protect emotional space, how to hold their kids through a panic attack, how to stay grounded when their partner is falling apart, how to create safety with their presence, not their fist. We are being asked to protect emotionally, and that requires a different kind of strength, one that isn't rooted in fear or control, but in presence, in listening, in restraint, and that's hard as hell.
Speaker 1:When you were raised on toughness and silence and finally being the rock, now that one hits deep for most men, their dads were taught to be stoic, solid, reliable, unshakable. Now you didn't talk about feelings, you didn't ask for help, you just kept going. You were the mountain everyone leaned on. But here's the thing about mountains they erode too. And now here we are, this generation of men who are trying to be both the rock and the river strong and soft, present and productive, vulnerable, without feeling weak. And let's be honest, it's fucking confusing, because we're trying to evolve into a new kind of man while carrying the expectations of the old one. No wonder why so many men feel like they're failing.
Speaker 1:But here's what I want to say Our fathers were taught to survive. We're being asked to evolve. We're being asked to evolve. We're being asked to stretch, to feel, to speak, to lead differently. And yes, it is overwhelming, but it's also powerful because we're the generation that gets to break the cycle. We're the bridge between the old and the new. We're not just protecting and providing, we're rebuilding ourselves from the inside out.
Speaker 1:So here's the paradox. Most men wrestle with that, I have found, even if they don't say it out loud. Now, how do I stay strong without becoming hard? How do I open up without feeling exposed, weak, like I'm losing control? It's that tension between the rock and being the river. We're taught to be solid, dependable and unmovable, but what happens when life demands us to be soft, to flow, to be adaptable? Now here's some practical tools that I have found that have helped me balance strength with vulnerability. So you don't have to choose between being powerful and being present.
Speaker 1:One redefine your strength. Strength isn't about control, it's about capacity. The old model says don't cry, don't flinch, don't feel too much. But emotional strength is being able to sit in discomfort without checking out. Can you stay in the fire of a hard conversation and not run or rage? Now start by asking yourself what does strength look like in this moment? It might not be holding it together. It might be saying I don't know, or I'm scared, or I need help. See, that's not weakness, that's honesty, and honesty is the foundation of leadership.
Speaker 1:Two check in. This one's deceptively simple. Every day, ask yourself what are three words to describe what I'm feeling right now. Now, not thoughts, not to-do lists feelings. It builds emotional vocabulary and awareness without needing to journal for hours or light a candle why this works.
Speaker 1:Most men were never taught the language of emotion. But if you can't name it, you can't move through it. Try this before meetings, after an argument or even in the car. Strong men check in because they know ignoring emotion doesn't make it go away. It just stores it until it leaks out sideways. Three boundary vulnerability. There's a difference between being vulnerable and bleeding out. You don't need to tell your whole life story to everyone, but start with safe spaces, a men's group, a trusted friend, your partner, and practice sharing without collapsing. Start small. I've been feeling off lately and not sure why. I noticed I shut down during the conversation. I think I'm afraid I used to be the strong one, but now I'm feeling overwhelmed. You don't need to fix it, just say it. You don't need to fix it, just say it. That's what builds trust, both with others and with yourself.
Speaker 1:4. The Rock and the River Mindset. Here's the mindset shift. You can actually be both. Be the rock solid, grounded, rooted in values. Be the river, flowing, feeling adaptive. You don't have to live on either end. The goal is integration. I've come to understand with my own self maturity is the ability to hold two opposing things simultaneously at the same time. When you're in a tough conversation, when you're in a tough conversation, be the rock, stay present your partner's crying and you want to solve it. Be the river soften, listen when your team's watching you lead rock. When you're alone and your body says you need to cry river.
Speaker 1:Being a man doesn't mean choosing one. It means holding both and knowing when to be which. Too many of us men are trying to walk through life and be bulletproof, and then we wonder why we're feeling so alone and so misunderstood and just so exhausted. We're not meant to be emotionless providers. We're meant to be whole human beings, powerful and tender, driven and grounded. Now that's where the real legacy begins Strong, soft, present, productive. The rock and the river. Now we're not here to perform manhood, we're here to practice it. So, my brothers, you can be strong without being shut down. You can be soft without losing your edge. You don't have to perform manhood anymore. You get to practice it day by day, moment by moment. Being the rock is noble, but don't forget the rock shapes mountains too. And if you're tired of doing this work in silence, if you're ready to lead, not just in your work or family, but from the inside out, then now's the time to step in.
Speaker 1:Join the gathering, our online men's group. No posturing, no pretending, just real men doing real work. We meet monthly, we go deep, emotional strength, father wounds, leadership, legacy all of it. Because the world doesn't need more hard men. It needs whole men, men who know who they are and aren't afraid to show it. The link is in the show notes your moment is in someday. It's now. So, gentlemen, this was today's episode of man Uncaved. Again, another way to come out of hiding is start to turn inward. Stop focusing on the outward expression, stop performing and look what's really going on and let's just be honest about it. We're scared, sometimes we're afraid, sometimes we're messy, sometimes Fuck it, we're not perfect, and let's own that shit. And let's own our contrast and let's step into our truest potential. In order to step into our truest potential, we need to come out of hiding.