From OnlyFans to Unshakable Faith: Tom’s Raw and Radical Journey to Jesus

From OnlyFans to Unshakable Faith: Tom’s Raw and Radical Journey to Jesus

In this powerful episode of The Jesus Studio Podcast, Ash and Jem sit down with Tom, a 24-year-old with a truly jaw-dropping story. Tom opens up about a past marked by addiction, abusive relationships, online exploitation, heavy partying, and near-death experiences. From filming explicit content on OnlyFans and spiraling into drug-fueled chaos at university, to moments of unexpected grace—including saving lives, praying with strangers, and encounters with the Holy Spirit—Tom’s journey is nothing short of miraculous.

Now, just four months into his walk with Jesus, Tom is on fire with a bold, unfiltered faith. With a heart to reach his generation, he shares how the Alpha Course changed everything, how his family has reunited around church, and how he’s boldly living for Christ in everyday life—from the building merchants to Wetherspoons.

This is a raw, honest, and hope-filled conversation that proves no one is too far gone for God.

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Transcript

Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker 1

You're listening to the Jesus Studio podcast.

00:00:03 Speaker 2

And that's when I went into my first relationship.

00:00:06 Speaker 2

We did some pretty stupid stuff that I would look back now and think, wow, if only I'd known God back then, I said about two months in.

00:00:15 Speaker 2

We'd started making like **** on only fans, and that was my first ever girlfriend. I was still a virgin at that point, and the first relationship I ever had was to go straight in.

00:00:24 Speaker 2

That.

00:00:26 Speaker 2

So I walked in.

00:00:26 Speaker 2

There.

00:00:28 Speaker 2

And they were all worshipping and singing, and I was just like, wow, what is going on? There's a club or is this a church? I didn't understand, like what it was. And yeah, I just started crying, but I wasn't sad. And I didn't get it. And so and I was a bit embarrassed that she saw me cry. So I'm just sitting there, like, hiding my tears, singing the song.

00:00:44 Speaker 2

But it's just uncontrollable tears of, like, joy, I suppose. I think it must have been joy. So I just wanted to go back again, and we did.

00:00:57 Speaker 3

Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of The Jesus Studio podcast, and today I've got an absolute blessing for your ears because I've got my friend Tom here and and he has got an incredible story. And I met Tom on the alpha course and to be honest with you, we have been unable to shut him up about Jesus the whole time because that's all he talks about is Jesus.

00:01:16 Speaker 3

Every single day he loves it. You talk to everybody about Jesus, right, Tom?

00:01:20 Speaker 2

Everyone. My mom, my dad's sisters. Friends.

00:01:23 Speaker 2

Colleagues, people don't even know. Yeah, you too. Literally everybody. I see. It's hard not to.

00:01:24 Speaker 4

Me.

00:01:28 Speaker 3

And I know people close to you, so can.

00:01:30 Speaker 3

We not talk.

00:01:30 Speaker 2

About Jesus today, Tom. Yeah. Yeah, honestly, it was it was. I was out in a club. Funny enough.

00:01:37 Speaker 2

And I was sitting in Wetherspoons and I was wearing one of the jumpers that says in the back about Jesus.

00:01:43 Speaker 2

And I had two people come to me and asked me about it, and then my friends, she just said, oh, not again.

00:01:48 Speaker 2

Here he goes again. They were fed up. Yeah, they just they they must have heard it so many times.

00:01:49 Speaker 4

Well, you're in the right podcast, aren't you?

00:01:51

Yeah.

00:01:53 Speaker 3

So when I asked Tom to come on the podcast, obviously it was my brain it for him. He was like absolutely, if I can talk about Jesus, I'm on. So we're here today. I'm here, I'm ash and I'm.

00:02:01 Speaker 3

Here with my.

00:02:01 Speaker 3

Lovely wife Gemma and Tom, introduce yourself.

00:02:06 Speaker 2

Well, thank you for having me. My name's Tom and I'm 24 and I'm a relatively new Christian.

00:02:13 Speaker 2

Let's say it's been about four months, I'd say since I found found Jesus and gave it up to.

00:02:19 Speaker 2

But I never started off as a Christian. I never knew about God and Jesus. Well, I knew the name Jesus, but I didn't know.

00:02:28 Speaker 2

The miracles so part well, I knew one or two. The water to wine, things like that, but never took it seriously, I'd say.

00:02:35 Speaker 2

So yeah, growing up, I didn't have any Christian friends or family or relatives, but I did have, like, distant cousins. I'd say that went to church.

00:02:44 Speaker 2

And I never really understood like what it was they went for.

00:02:48 Speaker 2

Like I always thought was kind of weird to go and to sing about a God and things because I didn't know what God had done for me. Then there was no interaction, in my opinion with me and God.

00:03:00 Speaker 2

So yeah, that happened. That continued until I was about.

00:03:04 Speaker 2

18 I'd say and that's when I went into my first relationship and she kind of I think she was a Christian, I think I can't really remember.

00:03:14 Speaker 2

But we never really spoke about it because I just didn't care. I didn't care that she was a Christian. It made no difference to me.

00:03:20 Speaker 2

And.

00:03:21 Speaker 2

And so yeah, our relationship.

00:03:24 Speaker 2

I think because we didn't have that conversation and because we didn't both didn't know of God, we did some pretty stupid stuff that I would look back now and think, wow, if only I'd known God back then.

00:03:37 Speaker 2

And yeah, so that was my first relationship within.

00:03:41 Speaker 2

I said about two months in we'd started making like **** on only fans, and that was my first ever girlfriend. I was still a virgin at that point and the first reship I ever had was to go straight into that.

00:03:53 Speaker 2

And you know, we did that for about.

00:03:56 Speaker 2

Six months, I'd say and.

00:03:59 Speaker 2

You know, we made quite a bit of money on it and it was at the time it was great. I look back now and you know we there's some pretty bad stuff as well with it because I think there was one guy that had paid for something and.

00:04:11 Speaker 2

He was disabled and it was like his last of his disability money money. You know that you get like the weekly or monthly.

00:04:18 Speaker 2

Allowance, we took it from him, blocked him and just never spoke to him again.

00:04:23 Speaker 2

And I just think I look back.

00:04:24 Speaker 2

I'm like, wow.

00:04:25 Speaker 2

Like, why did I even do that? And it did have an effect on our relationship. You. You'd be surprised at how much like **** and you consuming it and making it it devalues.

00:04:36 Speaker 2

Like, well, sex and both of you, because it started to become like whenever we was wanting to do it. We'd sort of think, well, we could make some money off this. It wasn't about like.

00:04:47 Speaker 2

The intimate moment between us anymore. It became money. It was all just money.

00:04:52 Speaker 2

And so yeah, we eventually split.

00:04:54 Speaker 2

Up.

00:04:55 Speaker 2

Because she went to university.

00:04:57 Speaker 2

And then for about another 2 years, I was just on and off dating. Nothing serious, just flings sort of trying to find that again. I suppose. Trying to find that comfort and money, perhaps.

00:05:10 Speaker 2

And then from then on, it was pretty after that I sort of just mellowed out a bit, I'd say. And then I went to university.

00:05:17 Speaker 2

And that is where I think everything sort of changed because.

00:05:21 Speaker 2

Throughout my childhood it was a pretty relatively calm one. I didn't have any sort of like going out drinking. I wasn't like a big drinker party I.

00:05:29 Speaker 2

Didn't really do that. I was just playing games. To be honest, I still do now.

00:05:33 Speaker 2

Uhm.

00:05:35 Speaker 2

And so yeah, during that time.

00:05:36 Speaker 2

At university it was almost like I'd been like freed, like there was no like having to worry about my mum and dad thinking Ohh was he up to?

00:05:44 Speaker 2

And it was like because I had, I lived in Northampton and it's such a small place going to Portsmouth and having like a big city of nightclubs in everyone's just new and coming in new people every year.

00:05:56 Speaker 2

That for me was like, wow, this is freedom. Like, damn, I can do whatever.

00:06:00 Speaker 2

The.

00:06:01 Speaker 2

And so within the first it's called freshers.

00:06:04 Speaker 2

Within the first two weeks, I think I drank enough to get, so I think it's when your liver or kidney fails and your skin starts to turn yellow and your eyes and I was drinking and drinking and drinking for about yeah, two weeks, 3 weeks.

00:06:17 Speaker 2

During freshers.

00:06:19 Speaker 2

And it was just after, I think, just after COVID or they were just recovering from it. And so none of my lectures were in line online. Sorry. There were nothing was ever in person.

00:06:28 Speaker 2

It was all just on zoom, whatever it was called.

00:06:32 Speaker 2

And I.

00:06:32 Speaker 2

Think.

00:06:33 Speaker 2

That for me, because I had only the only things I could do was go and drink and meet friends that way. And I had no lectures with people.

00:06:40 Speaker 2

The only friends I actually ended up making was a drug dealer from London who wasn't even there for the court. He was there to make money.

00:06:47 Speaker 2

And he sold me weed.

00:06:49 Speaker 2

He told me MDMA, which I took for quite a long time.

00:06:52 Speaker 2

And because he was the only person I knew we just used.

00:06:54 Speaker 2

To.

00:06:54 Speaker 2

Hang out and things like that.

00:06:57 Speaker 2

And I never really made any close friends. You know, I met people in the clubs that we go out drinking together, but I'd never speak to them outside of that.

00:07:05 Speaker 2

So I wouldn't really say they are friends as such.

00:07:10 Speaker 2

And uh.

00:07:12 Speaker 2

Yeah. So that was very beginning and then?

00:07:15 Speaker 2

It just became a series of justice relationships that failed. It was all about sex for me. Honestly, it was just.

00:07:22 Speaker 2

I feel a bit embarrassed honestly saying it because it was just about sex. You know, I didn't see their value at all and I regret it now. I feel terrible.

00:07:30 Speaker 2

But it would be like.

00:07:33 Speaker 2

I thought it was cool to go back to my mates and say well.

00:07:36 Speaker 2

I've done 5 tonight. You know, I've I've done 5 tonight. Pretty 5 tomorrow. They all know each other and I was bragging that they're all friends and.

00:07:43 Speaker 2

To me, that was cool. I didn't think there was anything with that I thought was actually like, you know, you good points.

00:07:50 Speaker 2

Uhm.

00:07:51 Speaker 2

And yeah, those relationships were, I'd argue, a couple of them, were abusive.

00:07:58 Speaker 2

I'd say.

00:08:02 Speaker 2

Mentally and physically, and that was like the first after my first one, which had been about all about **** and making money. And we haven't, actually, we didn't actually think about marriage. That was never about that. We never had that conversation. It was just about sex for us.

00:08:16 Speaker 2

And that was the same for all of them, I'd say, and I remember.

00:08:22 Speaker 2

The one after that the the one that happened.

00:08:25 Speaker 2

That, I think strikes the most was.

00:08:27 Speaker 2

We'd got together because she wanted to meet up with somebody else and I thought, well, no, that want I want to be that person. So instead of letting that happen, I'll say, well, then be my girlfriend.

00:08:36 Speaker 2

As I could wait to get back and to fix that.

00:08:39 Speaker 2

And.

00:08:41 Speaker 2

I didn't have any idea of like what I was going into because all I thought about was like, well, I don't want her to leave me in that situation. And she's gonna have someone else.

00:08:50 Speaker 2

So I'll step in and say, well, you can be my girlfriend.

00:08:52 Speaker 2

Without even knowing what I liked about her, I just wanted that person, that presence to try, and I think to try and maybe feel.

00:09:00 Speaker 2

The gap that the first one left.

00:09:02 Speaker 2

And so yeah, that that became.

00:09:05 Speaker 2

Abusive. I'd say that it was pretty physically abusive and the the mental abuse as well because.

00:09:14 Speaker 2

It's pretty hard to.

00:09:18 Speaker 2

When you want to help somebody because they have, like a mental ailment and you want to help them, but you can't do anything to actually help because it's up to them and.

00:09:27 Speaker 2

For them to overcome it or to to deal with it, I felt quite hopeless. Helpless, I say. So. There was a time where.

00:09:36 Speaker 2

I don't know if I can really go into too much of it, but.

00:09:40 Speaker 2

She would.

00:09:42 Speaker 2

Be self harming.

00:09:43 Speaker 2

And all I could do was just watch this sort of thing.

00:09:46 Speaker 2

And I think that for me, that's when I felt the most powerless.

00:09:50 Speaker 2

Thinking about like I can't do anything to help, I just have to watch and make sure you don't go too far. Almost.

00:09:57 Speaker 2

And so yeah, that was that was my idea of relationships throughout university.

00:10:02 Speaker 2

And besides the drinking.

00:10:04 Speaker 2

Getting back into watching **** and taking the worst thing I think was drugs for me, I started off taking so I was a bouncer.

00:10:11 Speaker 2

In a.

00:10:11 Speaker 2

Nightclub for about two years and I went between all the different clubs and because they gave out like 3 Red Bulls and three energy drinks, I drink like 6A night.

00:10:20 Speaker 2

And because I couldn't sleep because of the caffeine.

00:10:23 Speaker 2

I'd buy weed from my friend that I met at the beginning.

00:10:26 Speaker 2

And so I used to have to smoke to go to sleep. I relied on it and it became an addiction.

00:10:31 Speaker 2

And and then I think from there it like scaled up to harsher drugs. I started taking MDMA.

00:10:36 Speaker 2

We'd sit me and this this girl would sit like in her bedroom, just on MDMA just sitting there. Listen to music. And I remember I went in the mirror.

00:10:44 Speaker 2

And I looked at myself.

00:10:46 Speaker 2

And I just saw at my face, like my teeth were like, chattering, like like like your coat, like shivering. My teeth were just doing this. My eyes were rolling to the back of my head.

00:10:56 Speaker 2

And I just sat there. I was thinking like honey kick out of this. What am I doing?

00:11:00 Speaker 2

Because it honestly it it really impacts.

00:11:03 Speaker 2

Your ability to just do anything.

00:11:05 Speaker 2

And I'm quite thankful that luckily I didn't take that one dose that would have been enough to to kill me, cause I don't know what was in it.

00:11:11 Speaker 2

And the first time I took it, I think you're supposed to the recommended amount for someone that takes it is like 1/2 a little tablet. I think I took 2 1/2 because the first one I took I didn't know that you have to wait for it to kick in.

00:11:22 Speaker 2

So I took this one.

00:11:25 Speaker 2

I waited for like 10 minutes and I was like, well, this sucks. Nothing's kicked in yet, so I took another one, and before I knew it, I was standing there, literally shaking my teeth. I couldn't even see because my teeth, my eyes were rolling around.

00:11:38 Speaker 2

So yeah, that was a that was a thing that happened for a while.

00:11:41 Speaker 2

And then it was, yeah, weed.

00:11:44 Speaker 2

MDMA, coke. A lot of cocaine.

00:11:48 Speaker 2

And the amount of times I've spent.

00:11:50 Speaker 2

Just sitting after a party in the in the someone's kitchen for three hours afterwards talking.

00:11:56 Speaker 2

And at the time, I thought, yeah, this is great. Making friends. We're all doing similar things. We're all doing drugs. And that was the only way I had to have, like, making friends because I because I worked in the nightclub and there was no people to meet.

00:12:06 Speaker 2

In my course.

00:12:08 Speaker 2

All I could do was meet these people and try and fit in what they what they were.

00:12:12 Speaker 2

And I I'd never done I'd smoke weed. I think once before I went to university, I'd never done any other drugs.

00:12:20 Speaker 2

As far as I'm aware that I can remember anyway, I don't. I don't think I would have had anywhere anywhere to get it from.

00:12:25 Speaker 2

I didn't know anyone.

00:12:28 Speaker 2

That was, I'd say, like the lowest, I think the lowest point.

00:12:33 Speaker 2

Of because I went to university with the the mindset like ohh gonna get a good job. I'm gonna have good friends, you know, come back relatively soon and see my family.

00:12:42 Speaker 2

And before I knew it, I had no money because I spent it all on alcohol, drugs. My student loan went all on rent, and then the drugs.

00:12:50 Speaker 2

Uh.

00:12:52 Speaker 2

And yeah, so that was just.

00:12:55 Speaker 2

I thought that was at the the lowest point because I I expected so much more than what I gave myself.

00:13:01 Speaker 2

A uni.

00:13:03 Speaker 2

And.

00:13:04 Speaker 2

And even being even like being a bouncer, you know because of.

00:13:08 Speaker 2

Seeing like with these people drunk.

00:13:12 Speaker 2

I felt like I was trying to intimidate them, perhaps as a bouncer. And I think that's quite a common conception people have is that some bouncers think they're this and that and that they're bullies. Well, I felt like I was a bit of.

00:13:23 Speaker 2

A bully sometimes.

00:13:26 Speaker 2

And the the last time I think the the reason why I actually stopped doing door work is.

00:13:32 Speaker 2

I was at a club.

00:13:34 Speaker 2

And I was just like a route. It's like a routine take out, you know, he was drunk. Ask him to leave. He said no. So I had to be a bit handsy and escort him out. And I think I remember just losing my temper. And I pushed him.

00:13:45 Speaker 2

And where it was raining, he slipped backwards and he fell and hit his head on like a on a curb. I think it was or just a slab.

00:13:52 Speaker 2

And he didn't move for like, 10 minutes. And at that point, I was thinking, like I'm done, and I'm gonna go to prison. Like, what am I supposed to do?

00:13:59 Speaker 2

And luckily he he was OK. In the end, you know? And the police didn't come.

00:14:05 Speaker 2

But I had quite a few of those experiences where there was a lot of violence because.

00:14:10 Speaker 2

University is inherently quite a dangerous I'd say it's a dangerous place. It's by the nightclub part of it, because most university towns have clubs in.

00:14:20 Speaker 2

So.

00:14:21 Speaker 2

Yeah, that one happened.

00:14:25 Speaker 2

With the violence.

00:14:28 Speaker 2

You know, I think the thing that really made me see.

00:14:31 Speaker 2

The value of a life.

00:14:34 Speaker 2

Was and I still don't really understand how I had it in me.

00:14:37 Speaker 2

Uhm.

00:14:38 Speaker 2

I was seeing somebody at the time.

00:14:41 Speaker 2

And we'd separated for a little bit.

00:14:44 Speaker 2

And I had found out that she had been assaulted by somebody.

00:14:48 Speaker 2

In a club and so me and all my friends. Well, friends, we we we went out to try and find this guy and we did. Eventually we found him in a shop.

00:14:58 Speaker 2

And as soon as he walked out, we kind of like dragged him into, like, an alleyway.

00:15:03 Speaker 2

And there's me losing my temper, saying, who is this? You know who this is? What did you do? Just. I just saw, you know, people say you saw red. That's what happened. And eventually it happened. But somebody just slapped him.

00:15:15 Speaker 2

And this this person I was seeing at the time was I was really close to them. And so I was just distraught, right. And my my angle got the the good of me I think.

00:15:25 Speaker 2

And so as he's been slapped.

00:15:27 Speaker 2

Again, they've fallen backwards and he's hit his head in a curb, but this time I saw blood coming out.

00:15:32 Speaker 2

And so I've looked around and everyone just ran off. They all just left me. My friends just left me, and now I was there to stand in there with my phone. I didn't. I didn't touch him. And so they've all ran off because, you know, they wanted to flee the scene, I suppose.

00:15:45 Speaker 2

And for some reason I just decided to like something like maybe stay like, stay there when I should, ran off as well and I should have actually been the most angry one because I was the only person that was that close of her.

00:15:56 Speaker 2

And Sammy in me, I walked over.

00:15:59 Speaker 2

And I just took off my jumper and I wrapped around his head and I held him like the back of his head together with my jumper covered in blood.

00:16:07 Speaker 2

Uh.

00:16:08 Speaker 2

And yeah, I just didn't. I didn't really understand why at the time.

00:16:11 Speaker 2

Like how can I go from being this angry at someone to them having to and wanting to save their life?

00:16:17 Speaker 2

And eventually the ambulance came.

00:16:19 Speaker 2

And they they picked him up. And then I think it was about 3.

00:16:22 Speaker 2

Days.

00:16:22 Speaker 2

Later, he found me in a club and he came up to just gave me a massive hug.

00:16:26

Yeah.

00:16:28 Speaker 2

And I think that's like the first time I actually had to forgive.

00:16:31 Speaker 2

I don't know. I forgave him at that time.

00:16:34 Speaker 2

But I felt like I had forgiven him for that. Even that's not me for me to forgive.

00:16:38 Speaker 2

That that deed.

00:16:40 Speaker 2

Like that action for me would would have been unforgivable, and I would have wanted to kill that person. But from going to wanting to kill him, to having to save his life, maybe it's a bit of a shock.

00:16:50 Speaker 2

I don't really know how to explain that.

00:16:53 Speaker 2

But yeah, so there I am afterwards with just blood on my hands.

00:16:58 Speaker 2

Just sitting there on my own thinking.

00:17:00 Speaker 2

Like what? What am I?

00:17:03 Speaker 2

Like I came here to get an education and to make money eventually get a job and so far I haven't got any education. I haven't got a job.

00:17:11 Speaker 2

Haven't got any friends that are actually my friends. They just like the fact that they can get into VIP because I'm.

00:17:16 Speaker 2

The.

00:17:16 Speaker 2

Bouncer so they would just use me to get into that section.

00:17:22 Speaker 2

And and then so as I was working in the club and I think this is where maybe perhaps?

00:17:27 Speaker 2

Something.

00:17:29 Speaker 2

Was set in motion like a plan for me.

00:17:32 Speaker 2

So I met my current partner in that same nightclub.

00:17:37 Speaker 2

And it's quite weird because we met like.

00:17:41 Speaker 2

We were both in the club and I'd be at different places in it because I had three floors and I'd just keep seeing this person.

00:17:48 Speaker 2

And I don't know why, but they stood out. They stood out so much.

00:17:52 Speaker 2

I can't explain why I only saw that one person and it happened about four times.

00:17:56 Speaker 2

And this was during with this happening and all the violence and drugs. And I just kept looking in the corners of the rooms and she was just just there.

00:18:04 Speaker 2

Uh.

00:18:05 Speaker 2

So yeah, we eventually started talking. She found my Instagram for her friend, went on a few dates as friends, and it went from there.

00:18:14 Speaker 2

And she actually was there when I had that the bloody hand situation. And she would, you know, I came back to her house.

00:18:20 Speaker 2

And she just gave me a cuddle once. It's gonna be alright, but I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't hadn't had that support at that time.

00:18:26 Speaker 2

Because I went from being this kid that was playing Minecraft with my friends to sit in there with actual blood on my hands.

00:18:34 Speaker 2

And that's a hard switch to make. I didn't know how to handle having these bloody hands.

00:18:39 Speaker 2

Because of like my anger or being part of that.

00:18:43 Speaker 2

So yeah, so we.

00:18:46 Speaker 2

We kept them going on dates.

00:18:48 Speaker 2

And and eventually there's a church in Portsmouth called an Oasis. It's harbour church.

00:18:55 Speaker 2

It's near dunworth keys.

00:18:57 Speaker 2

And so.

00:18:58 Speaker 2

I can't remember exactly how I ended up going there, but I think she.

00:19:01 Speaker 2

Just.

00:19:01 Speaker 2

Maybe invited me for the first time.

00:19:05 Speaker 2

And so.

00:19:06 Speaker 2

I think I went and I walked in with her and I was like, OK, obviously I'm dressed in my nice shirt that I found in my cupboard to iron because I I didn't know that you couldn't. You could just go as you are. I just expected everyone's gonna be wearing like shirts.

00:19:18 Speaker 2

And ties because of what I've seen on YouTube.

00:19:21 Speaker 2

So what's in there?

00:19:23 Speaker 2

And they were all worshipping and singing, and I was just like, wow, what is what's going on?

00:19:28 Speaker 2

This is what I expected because when I've seen videos of churches.

00:19:32 Speaker 2

It's always like Church of England where they have like the the hymns and.

00:19:35 Speaker 2

The choir in the back, but I walked in it as like a band, like the guitars, drums, everyone like jumping up and down. I was like.

00:19:43 Speaker 2

Is this a club or is this a church? I didn't understand like what it was, so I walked in there joined in.

00:19:49 Speaker 2

And yeah, I just started crying.

00:19:51 Speaker 2

But I wasn't sad.

00:19:53 Speaker 2

And I didn't get it. And so I was a bit embarrassed that she saw me cry. So I'm just sitting there, like, hiding my tears, singing the song.

00:19:59 Speaker 2

But it's just uncontrollable tears of, like, joy, I suppose. I think it must have been joy because I wasn't sad at that time.

00:20:07 Speaker 2

And so I didn't know what this meant, so I just wanted to go back again and we did.

00:20:12 Speaker 2

And then we eventually just kept going and going and going every Sunday, and I got to the point where I was like, come on cuz.

00:20:19 Speaker 2

Let's let's go to church. You know, she'd be like, oh, no. Come on, really. Today. And I'll be like.

00:20:22 Speaker 2

No.

00:20:22 Speaker 2

Come on, let's go. I'm dragging her out of bed. Not physically. And I'm getting the Ubers booked and we're getting there on time.

00:20:29 Speaker 2

And just to go.

00:20:31 Speaker 2

And I loved every minute of it.

00:20:33 Speaker 2

But I didn't really understand what I was singing about. I was just singing it cause it sounded good and I like the environment and the people there. And everyone was so friendly. You know, being in this environment where everyone wants to hurt you because you're in a hive is as a bouncer.

00:20:45 Speaker 2

And then go into.

00:20:47 Speaker 2

Going into a church and everyone's wanting to hug you and shake your hand, especially because you know, with a face tattoos and my hands and my neck, I didn't think I'd even be welcomed in. I expected to get like a few weird looks, you know, a few weird looks and sort of like looking for dismissal. Like, why are you even here?

00:21:07 Speaker 2

And so yeah, we kept going.

00:21:09 Speaker 2

I kept.

00:21:09 Speaker 2

Singing.

00:21:10 Speaker 2

And I kept crying every time.

00:21:12 Speaker 2

And I was. I was thinking I want. I googled it every time. I was like, why am I crying at church? But I'm not sad because I didn't know. I didn't know. I could ask. I could ask God and I could pray about it. I didn't know to pray. I just sung the songs. And every time I cried.

00:21:25 Speaker 2

UM.

00:21:26 Speaker 2

And so yeah, we just kept going and going, but I didn't have a Bible. I didn't know who I knew who Jesus was because of what I've read, you know, on Facebook or whatever. And when you Google it.

00:21:36 Speaker 2

And at school.

00:21:38 Speaker 2

But yeah, so we just kept going.

00:21:40 Speaker 2

And then it got to the point where like.

00:21:45 Speaker 2

Because I didn't have a job at the time.

00:21:48 Speaker 2

And I had no money. I'd moved into a new flat.

00:21:53 Speaker 2

I basically had to.

00:21:54 Speaker 2

Sleep.

00:21:55 Speaker 2

It was just the mattress. I don't know if you had actually had a mattress at that point. I was just on the floor on the carpet.

00:22:01 Speaker 2

And at the house had fleas in.

00:22:03 Speaker 2

I had no food. I was eating like pasta and.

00:22:05 Speaker 2

Salt.

00:22:06 Speaker 2

Maybe a bit of cheese, but I had some left and it was out of date.

00:22:09 Speaker 2

But so kez, never let me just stay like that. She would even like she remember she came round.

00:22:15 Speaker 2

And she slept on the floor with me.

00:22:17 Speaker 2

For a couple of nights and we just stayed together for that time and she'd bring me dinners.

00:22:23 Speaker 2

You know spring me food and we go out and walks. We do stuff. We get out the house. So I'm just sitting there in this flea infested like flat. It's just a mess because this cat has fleas in.

00:22:33 Speaker 2

And.

00:22:34 Speaker 2

And so I didn't really understand where that was coming from. I was like, well, I haven't had this before. No, none of the other girls that I've seen before I've ever even cared like that. They wouldn't do that for me.

00:22:43 Speaker 2

And so I thought maybe this is something to the church. Like, why is? Why is this person?

00:22:46 Speaker 2

Different.

00:22:46 Speaker 2

To everyone else, why are they so like caring? And normally I'd be embarrassed to tell someone how many what a bed.

00:22:53 Speaker 2

Uhm.

00:22:54 Speaker 2

And so, yeah, we she stuck by me for that time.

00:22:57 Speaker 2

And then I moved back down to Littlehampton.

00:23:02 Speaker 2

And I was thinking ohh man, that sucks because I loved I loved harbour Church. I thought was brilliant and I was sad that I didn't have a church down here like that because I thought again they were all like, you know, churches of England and everyone down here is quite our retirement age. So everyone has their own little Baptist churches they go to and see their hymns and go home.

00:23:18 Speaker 2

But then she found Aaron Church, which is actually an old school, and I had no idea that there was a church there whatsoever.

00:23:26 Speaker 2

And so I left there when I was when I was, yeah, 16 so in 2016.

00:23:31 Speaker 2

And I immediately just moved on. But I came back.

00:23:35 Speaker 2

And I walked ten. I was like, wow, this is weird. I haven't been in here for what it would have been about 8-7 years. I think maybe 6. It would been yet that roughly that long since I'd last been in that building.

00:23:48 Speaker 2

And I walked in and I recognised people that went to school with.

00:23:51 Speaker 2

And they were like, you're right, Tom. I was like, how do you even know what I look like?

00:23:54 Speaker 2

Because obviously I've I've come back in, grown up face tattoos, my neck all down.

00:24:00 Speaker 2

I think I might have been bored at that point. I'm not sure cause I shaved my head for a while.

00:24:04 Speaker 2

And so obviously looked quite different.

00:24:07 Speaker 2

But you know, everyone welcomed me in. I walked in and they shook my hand, gave me a hug. I literally walked in. And these these like, 3 little kids came and gave me a hug. And I was like, what's going on? Why are you scared of me? Like, what's why do I not look a bit weird to be here?

00:24:20 Speaker 2

And yeah, I loved it. I went in there. I think the first time was just by myself.

00:24:26 Speaker 2

And she didn't even know that I was going. I was like, I'm going to church. She's like, what? Really, I was like, yeah, I'm going. So I went there and it was kind of the same as harbour. It had the same, like, sort of worship set up. The God of guitars, drums.

00:24:42 Speaker 2

But yeah, it's just incredible.

00:24:44 Speaker 2

I think it's.

00:24:46 Speaker 2

It's just not what I expected. I didn't know a church.

00:24:48 Speaker 2

Could be like that.

00:24:50 Speaker 2

I had no idea that church has even had, like, I've always just thought, like the acoustic guitars and the little the little box that you slapped, like the drums and that's it.

00:24:58 Speaker 2

And so I kept going there.

00:25:00 Speaker 2

And I think within like maybe the third week.

00:25:04 Speaker 2

I had.

00:25:05 Speaker 2

A bit of an experience that I wasn't really sure how to how to deal with.

00:25:10 Speaker 2

So I was in.

00:25:12 Speaker 2

Oh, where was I? I was in Worthing, which is near here.

00:25:16 Speaker 2

And I was in a nightclub, funnily enough.

00:25:21 Speaker 2

And I left and there was a woman at my taxi was there. It was about 3:00 in the morning and I was ready to go home drunk out my mind because I just didn't care at that point. I was, I might as well finish the night off with a bang.

00:25:31 Speaker 2

And I walked out and there's on the top of the, you know, the the.

00:25:35 Speaker 2

That the big story car parks there was a woman at the very top like wanting.

00:25:39 Speaker 2

To jump off.

00:25:41 Speaker 2

And so my taxi was there and I was thinking, oh, I could really do it. Just going home right now. I'm so tired. But then something just kicked into gear. And I I had to, like, pull the door open because at a certain time they get locked. But if you pull it hard enough, it can open. So I did that. I ran up there and I grabbed her.

00:25:58 Speaker 2

With a bouncer and I just held her there.

00:26:01 Speaker 2

Until the police came inherently. But while I was holding her, I was praying with her and I said, like, can I say a prayer with you that can be pray together? Because that's just the only thing I knew that I could try that would calm her down.

00:26:12 Speaker 2

And so, yeah, we're, you know, we're praying together.

00:26:15 Speaker 2

She's crying. I'm crying. I'm holding her trying to stop her from wanting to jump off again.

00:26:20 Speaker 2

And then her abusive because she lived. She lived in the car park.

00:26:23 Speaker 2

Because she.

00:26:24 Speaker 2

Was homeless her partner at the time, I assume, came up and was trying to fight me because I was touching his partner trying to pray for and hold.

00:26:31 Speaker 2

Her safe.

00:26:33 Speaker 2

And so yeah, eventually the police came.

00:26:36 Speaker 2

They took her. We had to convince her together for her to leave him and get help. And just I think they might just taken to hospital. I'm not sure. And I never found out what happened with that, but I'm fairly confident that if I hadn't run up there for some whatever reason, it was, she would have jumped.

00:26:54 Speaker 2

Yeah. And I don't know why.

00:26:57 Speaker 2

But that was the first time I think I'd prayed.

00:27:00 Speaker 2

And at the time, I didn't understand why I could even pray for her because I didn't know I was talking.

00:27:04

Now.

00:27:05 Speaker 2

You know, I was saying, like, these prophetic things. I was praying like these big words and I was like, what does he mean? What's coming out my mouth right now? I don't get it.

00:27:13 Speaker 2

So then yeah, that happened.

00:27:14 Speaker 2

And that was just I kind of dismissed that as like a. Well, that's weird. I hope that doesn't happen again.

00:27:20 Speaker 2

And then I went. So I was working as a as a security guard in Chichester, as like a Christmas market, a security person just walking around overnight to make sure the tents don't get broken into.

00:27:34 Speaker 2

And.

00:27:35 Speaker 2

I think it was maybe a Tuesday or Wednesday night and I was on my own at that time. Normally there's two of you.

00:27:40 Speaker 2

I was on my own.

00:27:42 Speaker 2

And this guy came around the corner.

00:27:44 Speaker 2

And I don't know if he was homeless or if he was just maybe struggling. I don't know what it was, but he just came around the corner and he had like his hand, like in his pocket, like a jumper pocket.

00:27:55 Speaker 2

And it looked like he had something sharp in there. It was like pointy.

00:27:58 Speaker 2

And I can't remember what was said to me, but because it always was a blur, he he kind of threatened me.

00:28:05 Speaker 2

And I don't know what it was in me but.

00:28:08 Speaker 2

And this is this. I see this repeating. It keeps happening and I don't know what's happening. I don't know what to do and something just takes over.

00:28:15 Speaker 2

So he's threatened me with what I assume is a knife or something. A blade in his pocket.

00:28:19 Speaker 2

And I just like hugged him.

00:28:22 Speaker 2

I don't know why I just hugged him and I started praying again and I said God loves you like God loves you.

00:28:27 Speaker 2

But I didn't know who God was. I didn't know that God even loves me. But I said it to him.

00:28:32 Speaker 2

And he he looked at me afterwards, after I finished praying, he was just crying uncontrollably.

00:28:37 Speaker 2

And he said, like, thank you. And he just kept hugging me and then walked away.

00:28:41 Speaker 2

And I just I didn't understand like.

00:28:43 Speaker 2

What? What have I said for this person to cry about?

00:28:47 Speaker 2

I know people love God.

00:28:49 Speaker 2

But what can they love so much that it would move them to tears? I didn't know how he'd even feel any different if you know if. If you say, if you worse for somebody, it's.

00:28:57 Speaker 2

Quite hard to.

00:28:57 Speaker 2

Make him cry. So whatever was said then clearly touched him enough for him to cry and change his mind, I think.

00:29:05 Speaker 2

But luckily you know that ended and it walked away and that was it.

00:29:10 Speaker 2

And so.

00:29:12 Speaker 2

As I've gone to church more and I started telling people about these experiences of, like, these things happening, people would say it's like, you know, it's the God's protecting your God's working in your life.

00:29:25 Speaker 2

But I was why I didn't even speak to him. How does he even know who I was?

00:29:29 Speaker 2

How does he even know? Like who I am? Why is he looking after me?

00:29:32 Speaker 2

Because I always have the assumption that God's watched, how can he watch everybody at the same time? How could he have been there with me if he's not busy with someone else? And so?

00:29:42 Speaker 2

Yeah, I carried. I'm going to church after these things happened.

00:29:46 Speaker 2

And.

00:29:47 Speaker 2

And then I remember Kessie bought me my first Bible. It was like a big it's a big study Bible, still have it now and use it now. It's huge. It's a massive, big, thick thing and it's because it has extra big like margins. And with the notes that you can add. So I started reading that and I got, like, addicted.

00:30:04 Speaker 2

Not I guess I wouldn't call it addiction, perhaps, but I couldn't stop reading it.

00:30:09 Speaker 2

I remember I think I read Genesis in like.

00:30:11 Speaker 2

2 days.

00:30:13 Speaker 2

Maybe I shouldn't have done it that quickly, but I just couldn't stop reading it. I just kept reading, reading and reading and then so I started trying to pray for the first time.

00:30:23 Speaker 2

I kept praying and praying didn't really know what I was saying because I didn't know how to speak to God. I thought I had to use.

00:30:28 Speaker 2

Like.

00:30:29 Speaker 2

All these big words that you hear people say.

00:30:33 Speaker 2

And so I kept praying.

00:30:35 Speaker 2

And I remember.

00:30:37 Speaker 2

I pray that my family would sort of like rekindle in a way, because when when my parents divorced they they obviously split and moved out.

00:30:46 Speaker 2

We hadn't ever really been in a big family setting before or after that. Sorry where it had been years.

00:30:53 Speaker 2

Years and years. And so I kept praying. And I remember I went to sleep.

00:30:58 Speaker 2

And yeah, I had a dream.

00:31:01 Speaker 2

That.

00:31:02 Speaker 2

It was me in the middle and my mum and my dad were like with me and we were all in in a church singing.

00:31:10 Speaker 2

And I woke up.

00:31:13 Speaker 2

And I went downstairs and my mum said to me, she I I haven't had. I didn't even tell I was going to church at this point. As far as I'm aware. Well, I think I might mentioned I was going, but I wasn't taking it too seriously.

00:31:23 Speaker 2

And she said. Ohh, Tom, when can I come to church with you?

00:31:28 Speaker 2

And I was like, why do you want to?

00:31:29 Speaker 2

Come to church.

00:31:31 Speaker 2

And she goes well. I don't. I don't mind that your dad's there. That's not an issue. And I thought, what? Like it's it would have, it would have been hard enough trying to get one together for a coffee, let alone just go into a church on a Sunday.

00:31:43 Speaker 2

And so.

00:31:46 Speaker 2

I was, I want to say I was going to church after that for another like couple of weeks.

00:31:53 Speaker 2

And I kept praying.

00:31:55 Speaker 2

I listened to little worship songs that we found at church, and then I chose to volunteer.

00:32:02 Speaker 2

And I wasn't really sure. I hadn't really found God at this point, I don't think.

00:32:06 Speaker 2

I think I was just going because I like. I like the community. I like the experience of being welcomed and making friends and whatever.

00:32:13 Speaker 2

And yes, I kept going. I volunteered to help set up the production stuff like the microphones and the speakers. And I was thinking.

00:32:21 Speaker 2

When would I have ever done this? Like why would I give my weekend away to help out for free? It's weird so I kept doing that.

00:32:31 Speaker 2

And then.

00:32:33 Speaker 2

I kept praying and just keep praying. I just kept praying. Don't know. I was praying for, to be honest. Just everything I could think of that I struggled with and that at the time was ***********.

00:32:43 Speaker 2

Even with my partner, you know, we had discussions about it, and yet I I still struggled and I just couldn't give it up. I had to lie, to be honest.

00:32:52 Speaker 2

You know and it.

00:32:54 Speaker 2

It's hard because.

00:32:56 Speaker 2

You don't have those discussions because they're quite.

00:33:00 Speaker 2

How do you say those kind of discussions were things that you struggle with your partner, it can, it can be quite hard to say those things and not upset somebody because I was so worried about what I would say that would push her away. And so I still struggle with watching ****.

00:33:14 Speaker 2

I still struggled with a lot of things. Anxiety, overthinking.

00:33:19 Speaker 2

Everything I could think of, I'd stopped doing the drugs at that point because I didn't have access to them.

00:33:23 Speaker 2

Because I lived back in Littlehampton, they weren't so accessible. I didn't have that drug dealer friend that were given to me for free because we were good friends.

00:33:31 Speaker 2

So.

00:33:34 Speaker 2

Yeah, we I just kept going. And every Sunday I'd volunteer, I think for the first two months I went every Sunday, sat up. I was there from 8:00 in the morning until 1:00.

00:33:46 Speaker 2

And so I just kept praying.

00:33:47 Speaker 2

And.

00:33:49 Speaker 2

As we sort of like learn more about how like.

00:33:52 Speaker 2

It says that you should flee from the things that.

00:33:55 Speaker 2

You.

00:33:56 Speaker 2

That you can't fight alone.

00:33:58 Speaker 2

And I had always tried to do things by myself. I never asked for help, really.

00:34:02 Speaker 2

It was always offered and I just kind of took it.

00:34:06 Speaker 2

And so I remember.

00:34:09 Speaker 2

I was sitting in my bedroom.

00:34:11 Speaker 2

Listening to this worship song, and I just cried again and having cried for a while, because after a while listening to the music and singing, I kind of stopped crying as much. I don't know why. Maybe I was a bit emotional, but then maybe I'm still. I am. I still am now, but I just kept crying and crying.

00:34:27 Speaker 2

And.

00:34:29 Speaker 2

I kind of just. I just. Yeah, I got on my knees and I said, like, look, I give up, I give it.

00:34:33 Speaker 2

To.

00:34:33 Speaker 2

You I literally just on my knees bent over my bed and I was like, God, I give up. Take it from me.

00:34:40 Speaker 2

And I surrendered myself to him.

00:34:43 Speaker 2

I didn't really know much about him at the time.

00:34:45 Speaker 2

UM.

00:34:47 Speaker 2

Maybe that was not the right thing to do at the time I I don't know.

00:34:51 Speaker 2

But yeah, I just gave it up to him. And then.

00:34:54 Speaker 2

After I kept watching these things.

00:34:58 Speaker 2

As I kept watching it, it kind of got to the point where like.

00:35:02 Speaker 2

When I turned it on.

00:35:04 Speaker 2

It was like I was arguing with myself in my head.

00:35:09 Speaker 2

So I you know, I go to watch it and for some reason.

00:35:13 Speaker 2

I'd have no thoughts at that time, but as soon as I click it, I'd hear like a worship song in my head or it keeps on saying Jesus, Lord Jesus, the Lord Jesus is Lord in my head and I couldn't stop it from saying that until I turn it off. I didn't get it. It was annoying actually, cause I was like, why can't I just watch it? I want to watch it. Come on. But I couldn't let myself do it.

00:35:32 Speaker 2

And now I know that's conviction.

00:35:34 Speaker 2

And but I just didn't understand why I couldn't just do what I wanted to do. I could obviously still do it, but I would feel so guilty for doing it afterwards.

00:35:42 Speaker 2

I you know the the chance. I still turn it on and watched it as soon as I turn it off. I would just cry. And I was. What's going on? Why? Why is this happening to me? I don't understand. Why am I?

00:35:52 Speaker 2

Crying cause.

00:35:53 Speaker 2

I've watched ****. This isn't normal.

00:35:56 Speaker 2

And so yeah, eventually I managed to stop watching that.

00:36:00 Speaker 2

And I'd struggled with that since my first ever relationship watching and making it and for about 8 years I used to watch it at its peak. I'd watch it like 3 * a day.

00:36:09 Speaker 2

And it it really did change my view on everything.

00:36:13 Speaker 2

And it's, I don't think we discuss how, how dangerous it actually is anymore, because it's just like, ohh, you watch it once it is what it is.

00:36:21 Speaker 2

But it can. It is an addiction that I struggle with. We've struggled with and it's still. I'm not saying it's gone away completely. I still have those urges, whereas Ohh it's only once. Might as well just do it quickly.

00:36:32 Speaker 2

But the minute I went, I want to go and do it. The conviction comes back again.

00:36:38 Speaker 2

And I can't. I just can't do it.

00:36:40 Speaker 2

I look at it and.

00:36:41 Speaker 2

I just think ohh.

00:36:43 Speaker 2

I don't know is this going to this is going to suck if I do it.

00:36:47 Speaker 2

And so yeah, I managed.

00:36:48 Speaker 2

To.

00:36:49 Speaker 2

I think that chain was broken for me to be honest, cause I didn't do that.

00:36:53 Speaker 2

I didn't think to myself I should stop doing this. I didn't care, because if I watched it, no one's gonna know if I done it or not.

00:37:00 Speaker 2

But I it's just like a spiritual battle. It was like a literally the only way I can describe it is there's something in the right side of my head and the left side.

00:37:09 Speaker 2

And they're just fighting.

00:37:11 Speaker 2

Like to to make me do it or not do it.

00:37:14 Speaker 2

And the side of.

00:37:17 Speaker 2

The wanting to do it was it felt like it was me.

00:37:20 Speaker 2

And the side that was saying, Nah, don't do it. Don't do it. Jesus Lord.

00:37:25 Speaker 2

I don't know if that was my voice or not in my head because I.

00:37:28 Speaker 2

Was saying, well, why not?

00:37:30 Speaker 2

So it's quite hard to explain.

00:37:31 Speaker 2

That.

00:37:32 Speaker 2

But.

00:37:33 Speaker 2

I was introduced to the term. It's like a spiritual warfare.

00:37:37 Speaker 2

And as I'd read the Bible more and I spoke to more Christians at Aaron, Things became a bit clearer and I was introduced to like what the Holy Spirit is.

00:37:48 Speaker 2

And I I look back now and when I said that, I started crying uncontrollably every time.

00:37:55 Speaker 2

I think perhaps that was the Holy Spirit working in me.

00:37:59 Speaker 2

To get me to keep going back, to keep on going and.

00:38:02 Speaker 2

And something in me was moving like, almost like a healing perhaps.

00:38:08 Speaker 2

And so.

00:38:09 Speaker 2

Yeah. We just, I just kept going, I just loved.

00:38:11 Speaker 2

Every minute of it.

00:38:13 Speaker 2

And.

00:38:15 Speaker 2

Ever since, it's just sort of been like, it's like a burning passion.

00:38:20 Speaker 2

And I just can't stop talking about it to the point where now, like I actually, I don't apologise, but when I speak to my family like, look, I know it's another good thing, but every time I speak to them and it's hard not to.

00:38:30 Speaker 2

Because.

00:38:31 Speaker 2

I feel like I'm getting. I feel like I'd get annoyed with me if you was if I was around myself and even with kez.

00:38:38 Speaker 2

I said to her today, actually, that I'm sorry that I say about God so much and she's like, no, it's great. And she's been such an encouragement.

00:38:45 Speaker 2

And I don't. Honestly, I feel like.

00:38:48 Speaker 2

Perhaps.

00:38:49 Speaker 2

Some people even like divine encounters or like things being set up for you that you're not aware of. I don't know if I would still be doing.

00:38:58 Speaker 2

Much of my life at all.

00:39:00 Speaker 2

If she hadn't come in at that time.

00:39:03 Speaker 2

Because I didn't. I didn't know what love was.

00:39:07 Speaker 2

And when we met and she loved me, regardless of what I was struggling with.

00:39:11 Speaker 2

I hadn't had that before. Like if I had a struggle.

00:39:15 Speaker 2

They're like, well, hey, my problem going with it, but she stuck me the whole way up until now and we speak about God every day and she doesn't sound annoyed. She just loves every minute.

00:39:25 Speaker 2

And to have that it's it's. I always found it quite hard to find someone that had a passion to share with because for me it was always about games. It was always playing all these games and obviously these relationships, they don't care about games. Most people don't. So I never really had anything in common.

00:39:40 Speaker 2

But that was my passion.

00:39:42 Speaker 2

And now I feel like.

00:39:44 Speaker 2

Out of nowhere.

00:39:46 Speaker 2

It's been swapped completely. My I can't stop reading the Bible when I have it. I can't stop, listen to worship music. My YouTube feed now.

00:39:52 Speaker 2

It's just all.

00:39:53 Speaker 2

Christian related content and before it would be women and games and things.

00:39:59 Speaker 2

And I just, I just don't understand how to explain that.

00:40:03 Speaker 2

But it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'd say, because I I don't know.

00:40:08 Speaker 2

If I look back now.

00:40:10 Speaker 2

And I think where if I stayed in university and I hadn't met kids.

00:40:14 Speaker 2

Would I still be doing these drugs? Would I start selling them like I used to when I was 18?

00:40:19 Speaker 2

You know, there was a point in my life where.

00:40:22 Speaker 2

When I was taking the drugs, which was cocaine, I had a friend that I'd sell them with.

00:40:27 Speaker 2

And.

00:40:28 Speaker 2

I just think like would I have ever got out of that cycle if I hadn't?

00:40:31 Speaker 2

Gone.

00:40:31 Speaker 2

To university and it wasn't the best experience, but I think if I hadn't gone to university, I wouldn't have met Kezia.

00:40:38 Speaker 2

And I wouldn't have ever gone to church.

00:40:40 Speaker 2

Because all my idea of church was it's just boring singing.

00:40:44 Speaker 2

And that there's a God.

00:40:46 Speaker 2

But now I I feel like I I know some my eyes have been opened almost and it's like I can't stop looking at it. It's just like an not an addiction.

00:40:55 Speaker 2

But.

00:40:56 Speaker 2

I could sit and speak to somebody I don't know for hours and hours about God, and I have done.

00:41:04 Speaker 2

There's a part where I'd sort of go to a Wetherspoons in the town.

00:41:08 Speaker 2

And I sit there, my little Bible, my study Bible, and have, like, a a brunch.

00:41:13 Speaker 2

And somebody came up to me once.

00:41:16 Speaker 2

And as I said, a Bible say yeah, yeah. I was a bit embarrassed at first because I was like, oh, well, you don't really get many people reading the Bible in the middle of Wetherspoons, especially when it's.

00:41:25 Speaker 2

Like full of builders and whatever.

00:41:27 Speaker 2

And so he, he said to me, I'm.

00:41:30 Speaker 2

Oh, OK. His name is Sean. He said to me.

00:41:34 Speaker 2

Oh wow, I didn't. You know, I've read the Bible before, but because of some things that have happened, he sort of been, like, pushed away from it almost. And he said to me that.

00:41:46 Speaker 2

I don't really know if I should be in here right now because one of.

00:41:50 Speaker 2

My close friends.

00:41:51 Speaker 2

Had actually passed away because they've been drinking so much, I think it's alism I think that's.

00:41:55 Speaker 2

The term.

00:41:57 Speaker 2

And so we didn't speak. We exchanged numbers. We had food together on my break, but we didn't speak for like a month, about a month and a half. And then I got a message just before my baptism and it said.

00:42:13 Speaker 2

Tom, I don't know why, but all I can think about.

00:42:15 Speaker 2

Is that discussion we had.

00:42:17 Speaker 2

About God and I want you to take me back to church and to help guide me on my journey.

00:42:23 Speaker 2

And I want you to baptise me.

00:42:25 Speaker 2

And I was like, well.

00:42:27 Speaker 2

I'd love to, but I don't even know like how to baptise somebody I don't know. Like I can take it to church, but I can't tell anything about God cause I'm still learning.

00:42:37 Speaker 2

And yeah, hopefully you know that continues to workout. And ever since I've been bringing people to church with me.

00:42:43 Speaker 2

It started off just off as me.

00:42:45 Speaker 2

And then it became me. I brought my sister.

00:42:49 Speaker 2

My dad.

00:42:51 Speaker 2

And.

00:42:52 Speaker 2

Us three hadn't ever really been in the same room for for years.

00:42:56 Speaker 2

And to get everyone in the same room voluntarily and it got to the point now where I don't, I didn't. I don't even ask my dad if he wants to come.

00:43:03 Speaker 2

He just turns up.

00:43:04 Speaker 2

They would just arrive out of nowhere but Ohh hello I didn't.

00:43:07 Speaker 2

You were coming.

00:43:08 Speaker 2

And we've never had that. Anything else has never bought us that close before. You know, we can go shopping every so often. But one of us will eventually be like, oh, can't be bothered. Now we're doing next week, but he hasn't missed a single day of church at all.

00:43:23 Speaker 2

And he's like me. He struggles with, I think, perhaps a bit of anxiety.

00:43:27 Speaker 2

He finds it quite difficult to go into like these open.

00:43:29 Speaker 2

Spaces.

00:43:31 Speaker 2

And I remember actually went out drinking again for, like, a celebration of a friend's birthday.

00:43:37 Speaker 2

And he he walked in by himself.

00:43:41 Speaker 2

And he stayed the whole way throughout the the worship and the service by himself.

00:43:46 Speaker 2

And I just couldn't believe it because for throughout most of our childhood, it was always quite difficult for both of us to do things because.

00:43:54 Speaker 2

Sometimes the situation would be a bit like overbearing, and it's quite hard to to do to do things when you know.

00:44:01 Speaker 2

Going into these situations is quite makes you anxious.

00:44:04 Speaker 4

So he finds social.

00:44:06 Speaker 4

Situation is quite difficult, but he's been OK at church.

00:44:10 Speaker 2

Yeah, you know, it was to the point where maybe perhaps when younger.

00:44:14 Speaker 2

Even like conversations or like, you know, booking us into places.

00:44:18 Speaker 2

I would have to do it or someone else added it because it.

00:44:20 Speaker 2

Was just perhaps too much.

00:44:22 Speaker 2

But he's he doesn't. I don't think he perhaps reads the Bible or praise or anything. I'm not sure I.

00:44:27 Speaker 2

Have actually.

00:44:28 Speaker 2

Asked him. But he comes every Sunday and sits out the whole thing, regardless of who's there, no matter what.

00:44:36 Speaker 2

And.

00:44:37 Speaker 2

Yeah, it I do genuinely believe that it's brought my family sort of back together again, and that's what I've been praying for the whole time.

00:44:45 Speaker 2

And it's just been so incredible, you know, because we can't even get together for a picnic most days because it's someone.

00:44:50 Speaker 2

'S busy.

00:44:51 Speaker 2

But on my baptism.

00:44:53 Speaker 2

It was my entire family, my my friends.

00:44:57 Speaker 2

Kezi's family? That would be the first time they'd actually.

00:45:00 Speaker 2

Met in person.

00:45:01 Speaker 2

And the only other time I could think of that happening is our marriage.

00:45:04 Speaker 2

And so for God to be able to bring all our family back together, my family back together and then have them meet.

00:45:10 Speaker 2

Just to see the glory of me being baptised in his name.

00:45:15 Speaker 2

That's incredible to me. I I can't think of any anything else I could plan for them to meet up.

00:45:20 Speaker 3

You know, Tom, you told me once.

00:45:22 Speaker 3

The alpha that you.

00:45:24 Speaker 3

You had a prophecy in your life that that is pretty major. Do you wanna share that with?

00:45:29 Speaker 2

Yeah. So it was actually in in London at Kelly's church. We'd finished the service and I was just sitting there and a guy called David walked up and he shook my hand and said, can I have, can I pray for you? I was like.

00:45:40 Speaker 2

OK. And so we sat down.

00:45:43 Speaker 2

And he said uhm.

00:45:45 Speaker 2

You know the the normal prayer and he started eventually he started going on about how I'm going to drive a train for Jesus and that people that are are sort of wounded spiritually or their struggling with things like I was will get or aboard at a station and join that train on a journey to our destination.

00:46:05 Speaker 2

And so as he was saying it and kez was there as well and.

00:46:09 Speaker 2

As he was saying this prayer over me, I literally started like sweating profusely. My skin started turning red. I didn't know at the time, but she told me afterwards my my neck and my face went all red like a rash.

00:46:22 Speaker 2

I didn't understand what it was because it wasn't hot in the room. I wasn't hot beforehand.

00:46:26 Speaker 2

And I just started sweating and it was like I felt like a power in me.

00:46:31 Speaker 2

I don't know what it was. Maybe not a power, but I just felt like something on me. Really hot. Really, really, really hot. And so I haven't ever heard from him since.

00:46:41 Speaker 2

But I do believe and he said about golden seeds, that he's going to give it a gift of golden seeds that he has because he's an evangelist.

00:46:49 Speaker 2

And so he said he, I depart to you, this gift now in the mighty name of Jesus. And that's when I started going all red like a red and sweaty. And it was horrible. I didn't understand it, but it felt amazing. And then ever since that prophecy, every time I look back and I think, well, why did that guy come and speak to me about God? Why did he come back to church and want to get baptised? It wasn't because of me. I haven't spoke to him for two months.

00:47:10 Speaker 2

We had one conversation for 20 minutes and out of nowhere he thinks ohh well, I can't stop thinking about it.

00:47:17 Speaker 2

I don't. I didn't understand it now, but what? But now I do. It's like it must be God working in somebody.

00:47:24 Speaker 2

And that's through a seed and I didn't understand the concept of seeds or how you plant seeds, whatever that that meant at the time.

00:47:32 Speaker 2

But.

00:47:33 Speaker 2

Yeah, I I think that prophecy honestly was.

00:47:36 Speaker 2

Perhaps true. I don't know how to.

00:47:37 Speaker 2

Really explain it.

00:47:38 Speaker 3

I can see where it is true.

00:47:40 Speaker 3

I can see already in you like you you bring people to church. Yeah, like there's no already. You just you talk to people. You told me stories as well, but it's it's it's such a blessing to know you cause the stories you tell me are love it and you tell me about when you're at work and you build is coming in and you're chatting to them and you're showing them.

00:47:58 Speaker 3

Videos you get about them.

00:47:59 Speaker 2

Yeah. So I have a pair of socks that, as Jesus saves on them. Yeah. Yeah. And I walk around with those on and my shorts and I know people look at them and they go. Ohh. OK. Yeah. Some people laugh. Some people do. Some people don't. But they were. Everyone at work knows that I'm a Christian, and I speak about it openly. And I've never had that at any place.

00:48:19 Speaker 2

Before.

00:48:20 Speaker 2

And so I worked at a place beforehand, and it was quite difficult to talk about God because I'd still be going to church at this point. And I think I had surrendered to.

00:48:28 Speaker 2

God at this.

00:48:29 Speaker 2

Point and talking about God, there was quite difficult because it was sort of like.

00:48:36 Speaker 2

I'd say things and they go. Oh, shut up. Really. Are you still going?

00:48:40 Speaker 2

About that.

00:48:42 Speaker 2

But then, and I was miserable. I didn't like it.

00:48:45 Speaker 2

Our good friends there, but the work I just didn't enjoy and so I went home and I said, oh, I can't keep you doing this. I dread going to work.

00:48:53 Speaker 2

And then I I saw a job pop up and I thought, well, I'm not going to go. There's no point. I want to negotiate a salary that I want. They're not going to say yes. And so I thought, well, I won't bother.

00:49:03 Speaker 2

And then I the night before I prayed if I should go.

00:49:07 Speaker 2

And.

00:49:09 Speaker 2

And I think I'd actually forgot to set my alarm.

00:49:12 Speaker 2

For the morning and I woke up exactly. It was when I should have said it and I decided to go.

00:49:17 Speaker 2

And ever since I've now got that job, it's the better.

00:49:19 Speaker 2

I've ever had.

00:49:21 Speaker 2

It's, you know, it gives me, it gives me the ability to meet people and talk about God.

00:49:25 Speaker 2

Without any sort of and it's bear in mind the builders. Notoriously, they don't really care. No one cares if they're built. It is. Maybe that's a bit of a stereotype, perhaps.

00:49:34 Speaker 2

But it's pretty difficult to spread the gospel when the builders.

00:49:37 Speaker 2

Yard.

00:49:38 Speaker 2

It's not the most commonplace.

00:49:39 Speaker 2

Do it.

00:49:40 Speaker 2

But I'd do it, and I love it because some people actually listen. And I had somebody say to me, oh, what hurts you go to.

00:49:48 Speaker 2

You know where where wraps is it? And I tell them I go to Aaron. I might come down, have a look. Yeah. And then the next time I see him, I say, are you still thinking about it? And I just keep bringing it up. And eventually they come and I've seen people in there.

00:50:00 Speaker 2

That's amazing. Yeah. Yes, I love it.

00:50:02 Speaker 3

I do find I worried a lot builders and I find builders quite open.

00:50:06 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:50:06 Speaker 3

They will. They're open to chat at least.

00:50:08 Speaker 2

Yeah, but but that maybe not that topic always, maybe football or.

00:50:13 Speaker 3

You could start with football, but they were open up. They're open to Christianity and you'll find in that thing you are finding they will chat to you. Not everyone. Everyone's different, aren't they?

00:50:15 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:50:20 Speaker 2

But yeah, yeah, there's some people are a bit more receptive to it, and some people who say, oh, shut up, mate. But in a nice, friendly way. I'm not used to that.

00:50:27 Speaker 3

Exactly, yeah, apparently with the builder, can't you? That's the thing. I think they used to banter, so they don't. Really. You can talk about anything. They they're either going.

00:50:31 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:50:33 Speaker 3

To joke about it with you or they're going to talk to you about it.

00:50:35 Speaker 2

Yeah, well, they call me the God squad at work. The God squad.

00:50:37 Speaker 3

Yeah.

00:50:38 Speaker 2

But they do it in in in a jokey way, and they all appreciate, and they don't ever say like, well, that's enough now. Like, if I'm standing there talking to a customer about it, they won't ever say to me why you come when you're at work. They're they're quite lenient with what I can say. And.

00:50:52 Speaker 2

They always support me in that way, and I've only been there for like, what, two months? Yeah.

00:50:52

That's good.

00:50:57 Speaker 4

And you said you went on an alpha course. So what did you think about that? Like, how did that help your faith? Cause I feel like listening to.

00:51:04 Speaker 4

You.

00:51:05 Speaker 4

You. I've just got like a treasure trove. Like to lock like, I feel like you haven't even began, but I feel like I'm really excited to for you to like, learn so much more. Like spiritually there's like.

00:51:16 Speaker 3

Yeah.

00:51:20 Speaker 4

Like a massive treasure tray for you to open.

00:51:23 Speaker 2

Yeah, and it is slowly being open because.

00:51:24 Speaker 4

Yeah. And I I can see that like it's so exciting. But how did that? How did alpha help? Because I feel like you're a new Christian, that it would be really good if people were listening. Alpha would really help them, wouldn't they?

00:51:36 Speaker 2

Yeah. Well, I actually got signed. So my friend Jack, who I worked with in my old place.

00:51:41 Speaker 2

He he signed us up. He signed me up for it without telling me. And I was like, OK, we're going to alpha. Sure. And I think the first time I went, we sat down. We had a dinner made for us.

00:51:52 Speaker 2

It was all, you know, it was. It was lovely. And they've done it all up the room for us. It was. Everyone welcomes you with a little name badge sat down.

00:52:00 Speaker 2

And I was like, wow, this is different. I didn't think I'd ever go to, like, a A Bible Christian course in that way because that's what I thought it.

00:52:08 Speaker 2

Was.

00:52:09 Speaker 2

So I went there.

00:52:11 Speaker 2

And I I don't, I've found it quite hard to have a a place where I can ask any question I want.

00:52:16 Speaker 2

Because sometimes you know you ask somebody a question.

00:52:19 Speaker 2

And depending on their belief, they give you a different answer, but I think alpha for me the first time I asked a question.

00:52:26 Speaker 2

Having like four or five different people's.

00:52:28 Speaker 2

Opinions on it?

00:52:30 Speaker 2

Meant that well, there isn't definitively one answer, but these were all showing opinions openly and nobody was ever like what? You can't say that or, well, this is exactly what it says in the Bible. They suggested. Well, maybe you should know. You should read this. You should interpret it. Try and interpret it this way. And don't read it so literally. But I think, yeah, alpha for me.

00:52:49 Speaker 2

I think it honestly was one of the strongest builders of my faith. I think to this, to.

00:52:54 Speaker 2

This.

00:52:54 Speaker 2

Point because I think if I hadn't got an alpha.

00:52:58 Speaker 2

I wouldn't have found out the things I do in the videos.

00:53:00 Speaker 2

I wouldn't have.

00:53:01 Speaker 2

Met you 2 and I think I wouldn't. I wouldn't have met any of the other friends.

00:53:06 Speaker 2

That I made there.

00:53:08 Speaker 2

Uh.

00:53:10 Speaker 2

You know, and I think.

00:53:12 Speaker 2

Yeah, I think it's brilliant. I kind of think any other way to describe it. I don't have any faults of it at all.

00:53:15 Speaker 4

Yeah.

00:53:16 Speaker 4

And it takes you through like all the basic principles I guess of like what is the Holy Spirit? Why did Jesus die? All those things like that. I think most people wouldn't have a clue if they hadn't been to church. So it's so good for that, isn't it?

00:53:31 Speaker 3

Yeah, it was. It was. It was good.

00:53:34 Speaker 3

It was a good group. We had this term, wasn't it? We finished our forever and it's been great.

00:53:36 Speaker 2

I loved it. Yeah, and.

00:53:38 Speaker 2

And these people that I've met, I'd never, you know, if I make friends on the street, right a job.

00:53:43 Speaker 2

Never ever would I say to them where I struggle with ****, why I struggle with this. I'd always fit like, what are they going to say? But I met you 2 and I met Sam and I met a few others at Alpha and within the first day of meeting we was it's like we we know each other for for years, you know, we.

00:53:55 Speaker 3

Yeah.

00:53:56 Speaker 3

Definitely went deep, didn't we?

00:53:57 Speaker 2

Yeah, and.

00:53:58 Speaker 2

Did.

00:53:59 Speaker 3

We weren't really did really quickly. I could tell you wanted to do that. You you just naturally did that.

00:54:04 Speaker 2

I couldn't. This is what I'm saying. I couldn't. I couldn't stop talking about it. And now you give me an opportunity to speak to seven people at once.

00:54:07 Speaker 3

Yeah.

00:54:09 Speaker 2

I I can't. What have you done?

00:54:10 Speaker 3

I could have worked out. I haven't even been a Christian for her. I couldn't work out because it seemed like you've been a Christian for quite a long time. Really you hadn't. But also you hadn't really had you because you.

00:54:19 Speaker 3

Were.

00:54:19 Speaker 3

Going so deep and you were willing to nothing.

00:54:20

Yeah.

00:54:22 Speaker 3

Was off topic.

00:54:23 Speaker 2

I'll talk about anything.

00:54:24 Speaker 3

We could talk about demons. We could talk about anything, couldn't it was just like it was just brilliant. We had great conversations, didn't we?

00:54:30 Speaker 2

Yeah, I loved it. And you were saying about the treasure trove trove being so, like open to me.

00:54:35 Speaker 2

So I always had doubts about like praying in the.

00:54:38 Speaker 2

About like being slain in the spirit as they call it, where you fall over. And I always thought it was all fake. I always thought it was just puts it on or it's like demonic. And then I'd pray. What would happen is I'd pray for it to.

00:54:48 Speaker 2

Be.

00:54:48 Speaker 2

Revealed to me and to like help understand it, and the next day or the next time I was at church, somebody that I knew or someone in front of me or next to me, it would happen to them.

00:54:58 Speaker 2

So I remember I was asking because I thought praying in tongues.

00:55:01 Speaker 2

Was like and it's quite common. People think people think praying in tongues is maybe like demonic or it's not something you're supposed to do, or it's a bit odd.

00:55:09 Speaker 2

And.

00:55:10 Speaker 2

So Sam from Alpha he he was praying in tongues.

00:55:15 Speaker 2

And I was like, OK, well, this someone that I know is doing it. So I don't think they're trying to do it to deceive me.

00:55:21 Speaker 2

And then I started praying and I asked to be baptised in the Holy Spirit, and eventually I started praying in tongues as well.

00:55:30 Speaker 2

And and then like being slain in the spirit or I don't know how you define that.

00:55:35 Speaker 2

Being slain in the spirit, it's like.

00:55:36 Speaker 2

When?

00:55:36 Speaker 2

You when you feel it so much that like you fall over or go like limb poor. Like if something takes over you. And then I felt that as well. So all the things that I've thought were fake or put on.

00:55:48 Speaker 2

It's like we're hit. You can't deny it. Now it's happening right in front of you and it's happening to you.

00:55:53 Speaker 2

Like, how can you deny this like it's happening right now to you?

00:55:56 Speaker 3

Well, this is where faith comes easier. As time goes on, because things happen that you can't deny. I've had experiences as well where you know, I've spoken in tongues in a very powerful way and I can't deny that happened. I've had times where holy spirits falling on me and I felt like I was going to fall over. In fact, I remember once saying.

00:56:02

Hmm.

00:56:15 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:56:17 Speaker 3

But I want you to push me over with.

00:56:19 Speaker 3

This I want.

00:56:19

Hmm.

00:56:20 Speaker 3

Due to like knock me out in the spirit and it would have been a major problem because I was out running and I was all the way around when I lived in angering so it would have been a big, big thing. But I was willing to crawl home, you know? It was like I was. It would be fun, but that didn't happen. But you know, and there's times when I faked it, we discussed that before as well. So you said about faking it.

00:56:27 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:56:31 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:56:40 Speaker 3

Her father before, because there was a time when we were praying for Lady Spirit and my friends, I was only I was really young at the time. My friends were falling over and I really wanted it and eventually just had to pretend and fake it.

00:56:53 Speaker 4

Hmm.

00:56:55 Speaker 3

But like.

00:56:57 Speaker 3

But but but just encouraging on listening, keep pursuing the Holy Spirit. We talked about that alpha as well like keep going for it because he will. He will. He will show up and and I've had a really powerful encounter and it's been incredible before and and you you will as well even more and you have.

00:57:00

Mm-hmm.

00:57:09 Speaker 4

And I think there's.

00:57:12 Speaker 4

There's so many faiths and religions out there, but the Holy Spirit sets everything apart because it's so real and like what you're saying, when that guy prayed prophecy over you and you felt all that stuff. That's just, that's just an anointing coming on you and like.

00:57:20 Speaker 2

Yeah.

00:57:29 Speaker 4

Just completely.

00:57:31 Speaker 4

Just taking over. So I think that's what we have. Like Christians have the Holy Spirit sets everything else apart like.

00:57:39 Speaker 2

And I've seen it happen as well because.

00:57:41 Speaker 2

So for me, I thought it only had like a personal. You only knew if it affected you. You can't really see other people being affected by the Holy Spirit. But so my friend Jack that was talking about from alpha, he had been quite upset with some other things. And we as we've gone to Alpha Moore, I sort of maybe said to him, well, do you feel confident?

00:57:58 Speaker 2

Enough to ask.

00:58:00 Speaker 2

To for forgiveness. But you have to forgive yourself first.

00:58:03 Speaker 2

And so in his head, he said the prayer and asked for forgiveness. And I remember looking at him and he just started boarding up his eyes, bawling out with tears and smiling not because he was sad, but, like, literally, like, jump, not jump for joy. But he was smiling so much so, like, he just hugged me. And I'm stood there like.

00:58:11

Hmm.

00:58:20 Speaker 2

I can't believe this. I was like I said to Jack. What's going on? I can't believe this. Like it's real. I couldn't. I just couldn't believe it. I had never seen someone be so happy to be forgiven by something they don't understand yet.

00:58:33 Speaker 2

I just didn't get it and I was just amazed.

00:58:36 Speaker 2

And he said to me that I don't know how to explain how I just felt. I wasn't sad.

00:58:40 Speaker 2

But like, it's like a feeling of, like, immense joy and happiness.

00:58:44 Speaker 2

And then that's when I really started to understand like what the Holy Spirit was because it back it at the church in Portsmouth.

00:58:51 Speaker 2

When I was crying every time when I was singing these.

00:58:53 Speaker 2

Songs.

00:58:54 Speaker 2

And I wasn't sure why. Now I know it is. I think it is. Oh, I know it is the Holy Spirit.

00:58:59 Speaker 2

And that you can. I don't think I can deny that.

00:59:03 Speaker 2

You know these things. It falls on you and and it you feel it.

00:59:07 Speaker 4

I think it's really powerful to talk about poor and being in addiction as well. I don't think people realise it is a like an addiction like a drug.

00:59:15 Speaker 2

It is.

00:59:16 Speaker 4

And I think there's so many people, boys and girls, struggle with ****, not just guys. I think guys get put in the box, that they watch ****, but we all know that actually both struggle with it and like.

00:59:32 Speaker 4

It's just like a massive coach in our only fans, isn't it? It's such a huge culture. It's it's, yeah, it's it's become massive and I just.

00:59:37 Speaker 2

There's millionaires on it.

00:59:44 Speaker 4

It's just really I think it's really brave to talk about it and.

00:59:50 Speaker 4

I think it would be really good if you explain like if you like the the the damage it's doing like if you like. I don't know whether you can help people and like just I think people just don't realise how dangerous it is and how much is damage.

01:00:03 Speaker 4

Changing their future like.

01:00:05 Speaker 2

Yeah, well, the way I'd explain it is, let's say for example, you decide, OK, well, I'm gonna watch it. This top this once or twice when you're 15 and you really enjoy it and you think, oh, this is OK.

01:00:15 Speaker 2

I envision it as like a shackle, like a choice around your wrist.

01:00:19 Speaker 2

And then you continue, you continue to watch **** or only fans or do these things from when you're 15 to you're 20, and by the time you're 20, this chain's got really long.

01:00:27 Speaker 2

Right. And every time and then you decide to get in a relationship like I did.

01:00:32 Speaker 2

And when I want to try and love my partner.

01:00:34 Speaker 2

Somebody putting that chain away from me like I can't. I can't go that way. I can't.

01:00:39 Speaker 2

I can't love them like I want to because I've been pulled back by watching ****, like at the chain is the addiction.

01:00:46 Speaker 2

And I honestly I.

01:00:48 Speaker 2

I hate it because.

01:00:50 Speaker 2

It does damage your opinion, especially in relationships as well, and just sex in general. Like you, you know, if it's the first thing you been exposed to and you see, and there's so many different types of category, there's so many different things you can search for, anything you can possibly want to find it. And if that's the first thing that you've seen and you haven't yet experienced sex or you have and you haven't.

01:01:11 Speaker 2

Maybe done it in a relationship?

01:01:13 Speaker 2

The damage that **** does is.

01:01:15 Speaker 2

It's horrible, especially when, like me, I was watching it like 3 or 4 times a day, even at work.

01:01:20

Hmm.

01:01:22 Speaker 2

To that point, and I was like, well, I can't stop.

01:01:25 Speaker 2

And I want to stop but I cannot stop. I couldn't and it to the point where I said to Kezia, oh, I've stopped now and then, I'd still do it. And.

01:01:33 Speaker 2

Not.

01:01:33 Speaker 2

Tell her with no conviction, no remorse.

01:01:37 Speaker 2

And that is a hard pill to swallow when you can't stop doing something that you really hate doing because of the pleasure it.

01:01:43 Speaker 2

Do.

01:01:44 Speaker 2

And so the only way that I could I think I.

01:01:46 Speaker 2

Tried.

01:01:47 Speaker 2

And eventually did was by asking God to take it from me.

01:01:51 Speaker 2

And it's hard. I still struggle with it now, you know, I might go home and think, Oh well.

01:01:55 Speaker 2

No one's home. Might as well just have a quick look, but the difference now is I'm not saying it's completely gone because I do still struggle, of course, and I, but I believe the addiction has been taken from me, like the need for it has been taken. It's now become I'm in control of it. I can say no to it.

01:02:13 Speaker 2

It's the same of any addiction, I suppose. I feel like it's been the addiction and the chain has been taken off me.

01:02:19 Speaker 2

And the choice to make and watching it is still there, but there's a whole nother level of guilt and conviction that I feel.

01:02:27 Speaker 2

When I want to do it so.

01:02:29 Speaker 4

Cause I guess now it's damaging your spirit and you probably didn't feel that before. When you have the Holy Spirit to come in, your body is like a temple. So like the Holy Spirit, just like repulses, stuff like that and you can't help but be like, oh, that there's something in you that doesn't want to do it.

01:02:47 Speaker 4

And that's that's like that conviction, isn't it? Taking over but.

01:02:50 Speaker 4

Yeah, I think it's really important to talk about it. I just.

01:02:54 Speaker 4

I think people just don't don't want to talk about it, do they? It's.

01:02:57 Speaker 4

Not like.

01:02:57 Speaker 2

It was shy.

01:02:58 Speaker 4

Yeah, a lot of things.

01:02:59 Speaker 2

Guilty pleasure. Ohh yeah.

01:02:59 Speaker 3

People don't want to talk about.

01:03:03 Speaker 2

But the difference is now is that when I talk about it.

01:03:06 Speaker 2

Throughout my whole life, when I say these things about what I struggle with, people are like, oh, really, that sucks. But now I get not praised. But if I say it at my testimony when I was getting baptised, people stood up and they clapped because they understood that it takes courage to speak about that kind of stuff if in front of your your mom and your dad and your friends and 400 people at church, you don't know yet.

01:03:21 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:03:27 Speaker 2

To tell them that you've struggled with ****.

01:03:29 Speaker 2

And everything else and drugs. Most people wouldn't be able to do that unless they had the intention of.

01:03:35 Speaker 2

Finding God and helping him and getting that help.

01:03:38 Speaker 4

I suppose some people might think that it's weird to say you struggle with **** because most people.

01:03:44 Speaker 4

Just think. Well, it's OK and it's normal and it's fine and it's absolutely everyone watches it, everyone likes it. It's fine with. It's like, what do you mean you struggle? But as a Christian?

01:03:55 Speaker 4

Him.

01:03:56 Speaker 4

We're not supposed to do that because his face remained as pure as possible, aren't we? So that's it's just like if you're listening and you're not a Christian and you wonder why we're saying we're struggling with **** or or because it's not of it's not what God wants us to look at. We're supposed to be pure.

01:04:14

Hmm.

01:04:15 Speaker 4

So yeah, it's it's just an, it's not of the world, is it like the world looks at **** and thinks, yeah, it's great. It's normal, but actually a lot of **** is trafficked. Women like it's darker than what we even know. You know, we don't know the age of the people. And they're like, we don't know anything. It's such a dark.

01:04:18 Speaker 2

No.

01:04:34 Speaker 4

Dark place.

01:04:35 Speaker 2

We also don't know why they're doing it. They might be doing because they desperately need the money. Yeah. And at that point, is it because they enjoy doing it or because they are being exploited and they need to do it because they have bills to pay, like only fans? Sometimes? That's what I think. That's why we did it because we wanted to save and do stuff we weren't doing because we had to spare a bit of money. We needed that money, and we needed to do that.

01:04:42 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:04:44 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:04:53 Speaker 4

So it's like that addiction of money as well. Yeah, it's it's deeper than like, you know. Oh, I just, it's just a bit of fun.

01:05:01 Speaker 2

Yeah, well, I think someone said to me that I think it was sin is only enjoyable until you try to stop doing it.

01:05:06 Speaker 2

And I think that's the same with ****. It's only fun and unpleasurable until you realise that when you want to stop and you can't and then it becomes real for me. That's what happened to me. I wanted to stop to make hers happy and make myself happy. And when I knew that I could and I was like.

01:05:21 Speaker 2

Yeah, this sucks. It's no longer fun anymore. It's like I can't even stop doing something. I want to stop doing. That's how much control it has over me.

01:05:26 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:05:28 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:05:32 Speaker 4

Any question? Any other questions?

01:05:39 Speaker 3

What do you think your plans are for the future? Like, what do you think God's plan for you is? Do you have a feeling of what, where you're going?

01:05:46 Speaker 2

I think I feel like I maybe have a calling to to travel as A and missions to different countries.

01:05:53 Speaker 2

And I had a dream that I was on stage with a microphone.

01:05:57 Speaker 2

I think I already said, but yeah, I was. I was on a on a stage with a microphone speaking to people.

01:06:02 Speaker 2

And so that was even fulfilled by.

01:06:05 Speaker 2

Perhaps my testimony on stage or I like to think that there's still more for me. There's still a journey that I'm going on. And then today I've been found. I found out that I've been invited to speak at a conference in London. So I I think.

01:06:18 Speaker 2

I have a lot to say and I've done a lot and I've got over a lot and I want to tell people, so I think for me, my future hopefully consists of telling people.

01:06:28 Speaker 2

And spreading the gospel and telling that it's some things aren't you can't defeat everything by yourself.

01:06:34 Speaker 2

And I think not many people realise that.

01:06:37 Speaker 2

That some things are are just too hard for you to do on your own, or at least it was for me perhaps.

01:06:43 Speaker 2

But yeah, I can. I can see myself travelling definitely and I want to travel around the world.

01:06:48 Speaker 2

Or even locally, you know, volunteering and go and speaking to people and.

01:06:53 Speaker 2

Yeah. What David said to me, basically driving that train.

01:06:59 Speaker 3

I think your generation definitely needs you, and there's something happening with your generation as well.

01:07:05 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:07:08 Speaker 4

And.

01:07:08 Speaker 3

It's exciting what's happening with your generation. I think sometimes people say.

01:07:12 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:07:13 Speaker 3

Bad things about.

01:07:14 Speaker 3

Genesee is it gently you gently.

01:07:15 Speaker 4

Are you Gen Z?

01:07:16 Speaker 2

I think I was born in 2000. What does that make me? I think that makes me Gen Z.

01:07:20 Speaker 3

I don't like defining anybody because it's bad. I just.

01:07:23 Speaker 3

Think you know you know.

01:07:23 Speaker 4

I can't stand it when people put in Jensen. I'm like, no, they're on fire. But I think, like, it's weird one. And another thing that's really interesting is you're, like, perception of church, like the 24.

01:07:28 Speaker 3

Yeah.

01:07:33 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:07:36 Speaker 4

The church is alive, isn't it?

01:07:38 Speaker 2

Absolutely. Yeah. And The thing is, it's full of kids that eventually can be leaders and looking after my kids.

01:07:43 Speaker 2

1.

01:07:43 Speaker 2

Day. So I feel like I have a responsibility to to help if I can put them or guide them on the right track and make hopefully, hopefully sorry give them a bit of advice on why they shouldn't do the things that I did because Aaron Church is full of.

01:07:58 Speaker 2

Kids that will be leaders one day and replace what I'm doing.

01:08:00 Speaker 4

Hmm.

01:08:01 Speaker 2

And if it was disingenuous to not tell them how good it is and how the love of God is so powerful.

01:08:07 Speaker 2

So that's why I think I do it to be honest, because I don't do it. There's no money in it. I don't do it because I want the glory for it. I don't, I don't.

01:08:14 Speaker 2

Do.

01:08:14 Speaker 2

It because people clap me when they say, oh, you're a volunteer. I do it because I want to.

01:08:18 Speaker 2

Put.

01:08:18 Speaker 2

Everything into making sure the next generation of kids.

01:08:23 Speaker 2

Is in a good position for when I need them. I suppose when I have kids and they there's a teacher or.

01:08:30 Speaker 2

You know, or they they go to school or they go to to church. I want to know that and I wanna hope that their youth leader is like hopefully like me. Perhaps in a way that.

01:08:40 Speaker 2

They can tell them that these things aren't good.

01:08:43 Speaker 2

Because if their parents aren't, then who is going?

01:08:45 Speaker 2

To tell that things aren't good.

01:08:48 Speaker 3

No, I think they need you. Definitely. I think you're going to help them. I think you're gonna help these people find Jesus and you're going to guide them in the right places.

01:08:55 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:08:57 Speaker 4

It's amazing. Amazing story. You've got so much more to come. You're.

01:09:02 Speaker 3

So young we we're definitely having you back on in 10 years time.

01:09:02 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:09:05 Speaker 2

Can you imagine in 10 years when I've gone, I've travelled the world hopefully and I'm yeah.

01:09:06

Yeah.

01:09:09 Speaker 3

You've bought. You're gonna bring millions, if not billions to to. Jesus. That's my prayer.

01:09:09

Yeah.

01:09:15 Speaker 4

For you. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing.

01:09:19 Speaker 3

The next Billy Graham.

01:09:22 Speaker 4

And.

01:09:24 Speaker 4

Can you pray for anyone that's listening?

01:09:28 Speaker 4

That will relate to your story. So just whoever's listening, if they're they're sitting here right now thinking this is me. I'm stuck in this. I'm, you know, anything that can relate. I mean, it's quite a lot of stuff, isn't there? Even like the party. And I think it's.

01:09:35

Hmm.

01:09:45 Speaker 4

It's just like people just think they're going to find so much joy in that. And I think actually they're probably in a quite a dark place. So if that's, if that's what they're living for.

01:09:56 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:09:57 Speaker 4

So yeah, if you.

01:09:58 Speaker 3

And also anyone who's just about start university, I just had a vision of someone sitting listening to this, who's about to start university soon.

01:10:04 Speaker 2

What I want to say about that as well is you can still go to university and have fun, and you can still go and have drinks and go to parties, but you don't have to give up your if you go to church already and then you stop going to university like some people I know you you can still do have a good healthy mixture of both like, just because you're Christians and you can't drink at all.

01:10:08

Yeah.

01:10:22 Speaker 2

As long as you take it moderately and you don't, you know, get to the point where you can't control yourself and make mistakes, you can still do everything that you you would do normally and still love God like people think that being a Christian is boring. It's really not. Yeah, it's not.

01:10:36 Speaker 3

No, definitely not, but I wonder if I wonder if when you saying that I was thinking, I wonder if we could have a nation of.

01:10:43 Speaker 3

Students that are holier than holy, you know that they actually don't wanna drink and they don't wanna. They wanna be holy and they want and they wanna have Christian porridge parties that they talked about on the alpha videos if you remember.

01:10:49 Speaker 2

Well, I'm sure there's people out there.

01:10:55 Speaker 3

Yeah, you know, like weird stuff like that. That's like they're getting their kicks out of doing Bible studies, not going to the clubs. They're only going to the clubs to tell everybody about Jesus.

01:11:01

Hmm.

01:11:05 Speaker 2

I actually have done that once. Yeah, I did it. I was around my socks. Someone said that it commented it and we was. I spread the gospel in a nightclub. Probably wasn't the best example to set.

01:11:15 Speaker 3

Well, it sounds like a good place to.

01:11:15 Speaker 2

And.

01:11:15 Speaker 2

Just happened.

01:11:16 Speaker 2

Be. Yeah, but you're saying the porridge party at the point I am now. If you invite me over, put for porridge and to watch. You know the passion or another Christian movie over me going to a club with my friends. I know I picked. I know I picked. Yeah, I know, Ian. It was just a porridge.

01:11:28 Speaker 3

You'd be here with ohh. I know you'd be here. You're running over here? Yeah, you'd come over here just for the conversation. Yeah, I said before work. Do you wanna come and talk about Jesus? You're like, yeah, what time?

01:11:36 Speaker 2

Yeah. Do you remember we went for that walk and I just couldn't shut up.

01:11:39 Speaker 3

Yeah. Yeah. No, I loved it. It was great. I really love it, by the way. And I'm joking a bit. But you are. It is seriously what you like and it's great. It's really.

01:11:42 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:11:45 Speaker 2

Hmm and about.

01:11:46 Speaker 2

The walks I think a lot of men, they don't speak about things like **** and they isolate themselves. And so we went on a walk along the beach.

01:11:46

So.

01:11:57 Speaker 2

And.

01:11:58 Speaker 2

We just spoke about everything with absolute freedom. There was no judgement, nothing.

01:12:03 Speaker 2

And it only lasted an hour, but for the whole day, I felt like I'd actually when I only got out of my bed early enough and I had the energy to then get out of bed and walk up and down the beach talking to people I didn't really know yet about God.

01:12:18 Speaker 2

And you know, even not even specifically Christian things, you know, just like how you're struggling with no work or.

01:12:24 Speaker 2

Because people, some people might think that Christians have everything sorted out, but that's not always the case. And so I I especially don't. I still have a lot of things I struggle with.

01:12:33 Speaker 2

And to go on a walk with other guys that at my age, which isn't that common anymore, you don't really see that maybe it's maybe a woman, particularly women thing. I I don't know.

01:12:41 Speaker 2

But there isn't many groups of men that I'm aware of that meet up and go for walks and can talk about mental health and about their struggles.

01:12:48 Speaker 2

In a completely like free space, so I'd I'd definitely encourage that. Even if you want a Christian, just go out for walks, go out, get out your house, speak to people about how you feel.

01:12:59 Speaker 4

Yeah.

01:13:01 Speaker 3

There is something just for anyone listening called X CC which is extreme character challenge and it's groups of men who get together and and they go out into the the like wilderness and they have these kind of conversations and I really recommend it.

01:13:16 Speaker 4

But it's more than that.

01:13:17 Speaker 3

Yeah, but we want to give it away.

01:13:21 Speaker 4

Be prepared.

01:13:23 Speaker 3

Yeah, be prepared.

01:13:23 Speaker 4

It's it's like in the middle of the Wales or something, isn't it?

01:13:27 Speaker 3

Well, they have them in all sorts of places. Go and go and Google it, but let's get.

01:13:27 Speaker 4

And Scotland it's like.

01:13:31 Speaker 3

Back to the prayer time.

01:13:32 Speaker 4

Yeah. OK. Yeah. If you could just pray over anyone that's listening, that'd be really cool.

01:13:39 Speaker 2

Sure.

01:13:41 Speaker 2

Lord God, I just pray that anyone that is listening that they would understand that their only pleasure and fulfilment and joy.

01:13:49 Speaker 2

That you can truly achieve is through your love.

01:13:52 Speaker 2

The temporary pleasures of clubbing and drinking and sex with people that you haven't married. It's fun for a while.

01:14:00 Speaker 2

But Lord, I just ask that you reveal yourself.

01:14:03 Speaker 2

To.

01:14:03 Speaker 2

Them. And so they would know the truth.

01:14:06 Speaker 2

Because.

01:14:07 Speaker 2

And I truly believe it that Lord that you are the only source of.

01:14:12 Speaker 2

Well, life, you are the life, the truth.

01:14:15 Speaker 2

And I just thank you for that. Anyone that's listening that they would.

01:14:18 Speaker 2

That have the opportunity to speak to you freely and then that you.

01:14:21 Speaker 2

Listen to them.

01:14:23 Speaker 2

And I just pray that even if they hadn't.

01:14:24 Speaker 2

Spoke to you yet?

01:14:26 Speaker 2

That when they asked Lord that you would give yourself.

01:14:28 Speaker 2

To them.

01:14:29 Speaker 2

In any manner, a dream, a vision, through actions of other people through words.

01:14:36 Speaker 2

And I just pray that anyone that is struggling.

01:14:38 Speaker 2

With these addictions that I had.

01:14:42 Speaker 2

That you'd stretch out your hand or and justice reach over them and protect them and guide them to you.

01:14:49 Speaker 2

Because you are the breaker of.

01:14:50 Speaker 2

Trains.

01:14:51 Speaker 2

Lord and I just thank you for.

01:14:54 Speaker 2

And.

01:14:55 Speaker 2

I just pray that.

01:14:57 Speaker 2

Anyone that is going to university?

01:15:00 Speaker 2

That they would continue to seek you.

01:15:03 Speaker 2

And not fall prey to the pleasures. The part time pleasures of drugs, drinking, sex.

01:15:11 Speaker 2

And that even despite the struggles of going to university.

01:15:17 Speaker 2

That they can find your love no matter where they are.

01:15:21 Speaker 2

Anytime.

01:15:23 Speaker 2

In Jesus name, I pray.

01:15:26 Speaker 3

Amen. Amen.

01:15:28 Speaker 1

Thanks for listening to the Jesus Studio podcast.

01:15:32 Speaker 1

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01:15:42 Speaker 1

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