I Left University Because God Said “This Isn’t For You” - Michelle's Story

Michelle is a 22 year old content producer and presenter at The Way UK, but her journey here has been anything but straightforward. Born in the Lake District, moving to Mongolia as a child and then back to Scotland for school, she grew up around church without really knowing what it meant to walk closely with God. That began to change as a teenager when she picked up her brother’s study Bible and started to recognise the voice of God for herself, including an unforgettable moment at a bus stop where she felt physically pushed by the Holy Spirit to pray for a stranger. 

At university in St Andrews, studying neuroscience, everything on the outside looked promising, but inside Michelle was struggling. Anxiety, panic attacks and a toxic relationship left her feeling far from God and far from herself. When the relationship finally broke down, she hit a low point, yet in the middle of heartbreak she began to see how God was answering the very prayers she had cried out - healing her heart, drawing her back to his presence and surrounding her with a new, healthy church community. 

From there, God led Michelle out of university, back home to Edinburgh, into a season of serving at Starbucks, creating content online and learning to be still instead of striving. He then opened an unexpected door to a discipleship year in London and work with a Christian production company. During that time, God gently brought deep healing to buried pain, especially around her relationship with her dad and mum, restoring what felt broken beyond repair and teaching her what it really means to live as a daughter of God. 

Today, Michelle works full time in creative media, growing in the prophetic and using her gifts to serve the Church and reach the digital world. Her story is a powerful encouragement for anyone wrestling with questions about calling, creativity, university decisions or church hurt. If you are wondering how to hear God, how to trust him with your future or how to step into who he has made you to be, this episode will really speak to you. Stay to the end as Michelle prays for those who feel confused, creative or called, but are not yet sure what their next step should be. 

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Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker 1
That's when everything kind of went downhill.
00:00:02 Speaker 1
I just couldn't leave my room anymore.
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I didn't want to.
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This is not what I want to do.
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And family was really far and I was struggling mentally, didn't know what was going on with me.
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I was just so broken, didn't know what I was doing.
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And I would have moments where I'd cry out to God and say, God, I really need your help.
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Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
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I really need your help to get out of this relationship, but also just
00:00:27 Speaker 1
fix, like, get my life together.
00:00:30 Speaker 2
You're listening to the Jesus Studio Podcast.
00:00:33 Speaker 2
Hi, Michelle.
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Welcome to the Jesus Studio Podcast.
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Thank you for being here.
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We're excited to hear your story.
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So we're just going to hand it over to you and let you tell everyone from the beginning.
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Incredible.
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All right.
00:00:46 Speaker 1
Well, I'm Michelle.
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I'm 22 years old and I live in London right now and I work for a production company.
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I'm a content producer and presenter at the Way UK.
00:00:57 Speaker 1
My story starts at the Lake District in Cumbria.
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I was born in Cumbria.
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Lived there for around 9 years and I have an older brother, he's called Henry.
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My parents divorced when I was quite young, so like 6, seven years old and it was around that time that my mum
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decided to move back to Mongolia.
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So that's why she took me to Mongolia.
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We lived there for three years, but my brother stayed here in the UK because he had to finish off his A-levels.
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So I went to Mongolia with my mum, went to a music and dance conservatoire.
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because that's the school that my mum actually graduated from.
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I got into the same school and I got taught piano by the same teacher she did growing up, which is so cool, because I got such a unique experience of like my mum's life when she was 9 to 13.
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And it was, I would say like my relationship with Jesus didn't really come in until I was 14.
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I was around church all the time.
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I served at the young adults, like youth ministry, kids ministry and stuff in Mongolia.
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But it was until we came back to the UK that my relationship with God kind of started, I guess.
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My brother had this Bible on his table when we moved to Scotland, because that's why he was studying university.
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So we just decided to move to Scotland for me to do my GCSEs and my A-levels and stuff.
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My brother had found his faith when he
00:02:31 Speaker 1
was left in the UK because he was actually left with my family friends who loved Jesus.
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And I remember him telling me how like, his relationship with God started not because they were like telling them, oh, you should believe in Jesus, you should come to church and stuff, but it was just actually the way that they were and the way that they lived their lives.
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And that's how he came to know the Lord.
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And I think that really touched me at that age.
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I was like, oh, wow, okay.
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It's not about what people can say and all of that.
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And this Bible on my brother's like study table really like stood out to me.
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I just had this curiosity to start reading and it was kind of like a study Bible.
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So it's like a youth study Bible, which is kind of like perfect.
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I love how like God does stuff like that.
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Imagine if it was a King James version, I would not be reading that.
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But it was, yeah, I just started reading when I was 14.
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And I don't know, it just kind of felt like
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God was close and I knew him.
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Growing up as a Christian in a Christian household, I was always surrounded by it, so it didn't really feel like anything different.
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But there was this one time when I was coming back from school and I was at the bus stop and I felt God say, oh, you need to speak to that person at the bus stop.
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And I was like, God, no, I'm not doing like, they're going to think I'm crazy.
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And I felt God say like, no, you have something wrong with their legs.
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You need to speak to them.
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And I was like, flip, this is crazy.
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I just stood there.
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I was like, I'm not doing it.
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And I literally felt a physical nudge from the back, like pushed me forward.
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And I was like, well, I'm in front of them now.
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Like I can't like avoid this conversation that I feel like God's telling me to have with them.
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So I just said, hey, like this might sound really weird, but
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I'm A Christian and I was just wondering, is there anything wrong with your legs?
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And they were like, I actually have arthritis in my legs.
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I was like, okay, God.
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Okay, cool.
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And I was like, okay, can I pray for you?
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And I remember praying for them and they were like freaked out and they were like, whoa, like, what was that?
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I don't know what happened to them.
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Didn't have like a follow up or anything.
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But then I got chatting to them about Jesus and they were like, I'm a Christian, but I don't really go to church and stuff.
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I stopped going.
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I just like worship God at home.
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And I was like, okay, cool.
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And they got weirded out so then they left the bus.
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They didn't even get on the bus.
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They just left.
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But I think that moment was really marking for me and my relationship with God because it's undeniable.
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You know, I can't come up with the fact that somebody's got something wrong with their legs and it happened to be arthritis.
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Like,
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It was just so God.
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And I was reflecting on this earlier on, like, how did I know the voice of God?
00:05:21 Speaker 1
And I actually don't think I knew at the time, I think I just felt like it was this, like a voice inside me, but then I knew it wasn't my own voice.
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I think it was a journey of obviously learning, growing what that, what, whether it's God's voice, God's voice or mine.
00:05:41 Speaker 1
But I just always knew, like from a young age, that's God.
00:05:45 Speaker 1
So I went through the whole, doing my GCSEs and A-levels and all of that in Scotland.
00:05:51 Speaker 1
And it was like during lockdown that I was applying to university.
00:05:55 Speaker 1
And at the time I started a YouTube channel.
00:05:59 Speaker 1
So I was creating content on YouTube.
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Love it because I was like, I want to be a vlogger.
00:06:04 Speaker 1
Like I was really inspired by Casey Neistat.
00:06:07 Speaker 1
I wanted to create content like he did, really cool stuff.
00:06:11 Speaker 1
So then I just started creating my own thing.
00:06:13 Speaker 1
And then I went to university.
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I got into St.
00:06:15 Speaker 1
Andrew's University to study neuroscience.
00:06:18 Speaker 1
Crazy because like now knowing where I am now, I don't think I could ever go back to do like neuroscience or anything.
00:06:27 Speaker 1
But I was like faced with the decision, like you need to make a decision on whether you, like what you want to study at uni.
00:06:34 Speaker 1
My brother had done chemical engineering, so I was like, oh, like do I just do chem eng?
00:06:38 Speaker 1
Like what do I do?
00:06:39 Speaker 1
And Henry was like, what do you enjoy?
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What do you enjoy?
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What are you interested in?
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I was like, oh, well, I'm interested in people.
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Like I love people.
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I love like how people work and all that sort of thing.
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And he's like, oh, why don't you just do like psychology or neuroscience or something?
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I was like, okay, cool.
00:06:55 Speaker 1
Sounds like a good idea.
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Applied for it and I got in.
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So funny.
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I got in and I moved to St.
00:07:00 Speaker 1
Andrews.
00:07:01 Speaker 1
And at this time, like my relationship with God was strong, but it wasn't like it
00:07:10 Speaker 1
it wasn't like how I feel like now, where I cannot, like, I cannot go back, I cannot look back.
00:07:21 Speaker 1
then it was more like, oh, I could probably live a life without God, but I know that I need God because I'm A Christian, grew up in a Christian household, that's what I should probably do.
00:07:31 Speaker 1
And around the time of me moving to university, my brother had just got married and he moved down south.
00:07:37 Speaker 1
And my mum,
00:07:39 Speaker 1
I think her whole heart was, okay, I'm going to get Michelle into university and I'm going to go back to Mongolia and do mission work.
00:07:46 Speaker 1
And so that's what she did.
00:07:47 Speaker 1
She dropped me off at university and I went to, yeah, she went to Mongolia.
00:07:53 Speaker 1
And I think at the time, I didn't know it, but I really needed my mum at that time.
00:07:58 Speaker 1
Because I think mentally I was going through a lot.
00:08:01 Speaker 1
Sorry.
00:08:03 Speaker 1
Yeah, mentally at the time I was going through a lot.
00:08:07 Speaker 1
And I knew that I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks and stuff, but I didn't have the language for it.
00:08:14 Speaker 1
I just knew there was something going on in me that made me feel really sad and anxious about things.
00:08:19 Speaker 1
So when I went to university, it was almost like all of that was heightened because I was now by myself.
00:08:26 Speaker 1
Didn't have family close by.
00:08:29 Speaker 1
And I was a part of the football team at uni and
00:08:34 Speaker 1
A lot, a lot of the kids at St.
00:08:36 Speaker 1
Andrews are all American, so I was like kind of the odd one out.
00:08:42 Speaker 1
Everyone around me was just so different.
00:08:46 Speaker 1
And I don't know when it was, I think it was maybe second semester of first year where my mental health just completely plummeted.
00:08:53 Speaker 1
And I got into a really sticky relationship.
00:08:58 Speaker 1
Oh, this was, yeah, this is a tough one.
00:09:01 Speaker 1
It was before I went to uni, actually, I started getting, I was started, I started dating this guy.
00:09:06 Speaker 1
And he called himself a Christian because his parents were, but he really wasn't.
00:09:10 Speaker 1
And I was like, well, he's like cute, like I'll date him anyway.
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I'm sure it'll be fine.
00:09:15 Speaker 1
And
00:09:17 Speaker 1
Yeah, he was two years older than me.
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He went to high school, the same school I did actually, which is so funny.
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And I was like, oh, look at me.
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Like, I can get the guy that's two years older than me.
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All of that.
00:09:27 Speaker 1
So I got into that relationship and it was just so toxic.
00:09:30 Speaker 1
And at that age, obviously the drinking, the drugs and the sex was like, oh, everyone else is doing it, then surely I should do it too because I want to fit in.
00:09:41 Speaker 1
So that's exactly what I did.
00:09:42 Speaker 1
Like I was clubbing like crazy.
00:09:46 Speaker 1
And because my mental health was so bad, I would try to, I didn't go to God, I didn't run to God.
00:09:51 Speaker 1
I ran to the drink and ran to the clubbing and sleeping with my boyfriend.
00:09:58 Speaker 1
And it was kind of crazy because at the time I knew in my heart, every time I got up to something like up to no good, I felt the Holy Spirit say, hey, I'm still here.
00:10:07 Speaker 1
But I'd like purposely ignore it.
00:10:08 Speaker 1
Like I'd literally just suppress it.
00:10:12 Speaker 1
And at university, I think that relationship had just gotten even more toxic.
00:10:17 Speaker 1
And that's when everything kind of went downhill.
00:10:21 Speaker 1
I stopped going to my football training because I just couldn't leave my room anymore.
00:10:26 Speaker 1
I didn't want to.
00:10:27 Speaker 1
I couldn't go to my classes because I was like surrounded by people who've constantly wanted to do neuroscience.
00:10:33 Speaker 1
But I was just like, flip man, like, this is not what I want to do.
00:10:38 Speaker 1
And family was really far and I was struggling mentally, didn't know what was going on with me.
00:10:43 Speaker 1
It was far from God.
00:10:45 Speaker 1
I already felt so much guilt, so much shame.
00:10:48 Speaker 1
I was just so broken.
00:10:50 Speaker 1
I didn't know what I was doing.
00:10:52 Speaker 1
And I would have moments where I'd cry out to God and say, God, I really need your help.
00:10:58 Speaker 1
Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
00:11:00 Speaker 1
I really need your help to get out of this relationship, but also just fix, like, get my life together.
00:11:08 Speaker 1
And he had given me so many chances to get out of this relationship.
00:11:13 Speaker 1
Like my ex had cheated on me twice each time I took him back.
00:11:17 Speaker 1
And it was just so silly of me.
00:11:19 Speaker 1
Like God had literally given me a door out, but I didn't take it.
00:11:23 Speaker 1
And it was beginning of second year where I was at this masquerade ball for university because St Andrews, it's like that they have so many balls.
00:11:35 Speaker 1
And my ex had called me, like FaceTimed me the night, that night as I was like about to go out.
00:11:40 Speaker 1
And he's like, okay, I love you, like I'll speak to you tomorrow.
00:11:45 Speaker 1
And I woke up the next morning to like a huge paragraph as to why like this isn't working.
00:11:51 Speaker 1
And that completely shattered me.
00:11:55 Speaker 1
I've like, he was the first person that I had dated.
00:11:58 Speaker 1
And like, obviously he went the whole way, like not in the covenant of marriage or anything, but just like,
00:12:04 Speaker 1
did what culture told you to do.
00:12:07 Speaker 1
And I couldn't, I remember not being able to cry in my room because a friend was sleeping on my floor.
00:12:12 Speaker 1
So I had to go out into the corridor and call my mum.
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Mum's obviously in Mongolia, so she's like 8 hours ahead.
00:12:18 Speaker 1
And it was in the morning, so luckily, like it's like midday, like afternoon for her there.
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So I was just on the phone, like absolutely balling.
00:12:25 Speaker 1
Like,
00:12:26 Speaker 1
Like my ex is just, nearly name dropped them.
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Like my ex has just broken up with me.
00:12:32 Speaker 1
Like, I feel so heartbroken.
00:12:34 Speaker 1
And within that heartbreak, I'm sure like those who've experienced heartbreak know how it feels.
00:12:40 Speaker 1
Like your heart just feels like it's hollow, like something's just been like taken out of you.
00:12:46 Speaker 1
And your heart's just been ripped out of you.
00:12:47 Speaker 1
And that's exactly how I felt.
00:12:50 Speaker 1
But within it all, like I kind of had this knowing deep down, like, oh, this is so God.
00:12:56 Speaker 1
because I asked God, can you help me get out of this relationship because I can't break up with him?
00:13:01 Speaker 1
And he did it.
00:13:03 Speaker 1
And what was crazy was that three days before that breakup, God would start rekindling something in my heart for him again.
00:13:12 Speaker 1
Like I felt like I wanted to read my Bible again.
00:13:15 Speaker 1
So then I would like open up my Bible and every time I opened it up, words would start like literally popping out to me.
00:13:21 Speaker 1
And I felt his
00:13:24 Speaker 1
literally wrap around presents.
00:13:25 Speaker 1
And I was like, over the news.
00:13:27 Speaker 1
I was like, thank you, God.
00:13:28 Speaker 1
Like, I finally feel like I'm back on track with you.
00:13:32 Speaker 1
And it couldn't have been more of a perfect time that God had like rekindled that relationship with him.
00:13:41 Speaker 1
Because I would have immediately ran to, you know, all the things that I was doing before and not run to God and pray and seek guidance within my family who also love the Lord.
00:13:53 Speaker 1
And so I remember being on the phone with my sister-in-law saying like, I cannot go, like, I cannot be heartbroken for this long because I was asking people like, how long does this last?
00:14:06 Speaker 1
Like, how long does heartbreak go on for until I'm okay again?
00:14:10 Speaker 1
And they were like, well, it can be months, but also years.
00:14:13 Speaker 1
And I had the thought of that, I was just like, I can't do that.
00:14:17 Speaker 1
Like, I feel like I would literally fall back into the pit that I was in before because
00:14:22 Speaker 1
The 3 days that God had started doing something in my heart before that breakup, I actually felt like I was coming back up again, like feeling myself, feeling the joy that I had before.
00:14:33 Speaker 1
And I told her, I was like, I cannot go back into that pit because I feel like I won't come back out again.
00:14:38 Speaker 1
And she's like, okay, well, God doesn't like, that's not God's heart for you.
00:14:42 Speaker 1
Like, he doesn't want you to be heartbroken and like broken for this long.
00:14:48 Speaker 1
Let's pray for healing.
00:14:49 Speaker 1
So she prayed,
00:14:50 Speaker 1
And it's crazy because it literally was 5 days.
00:14:54 Speaker 1
It took God 5 days to heal my heart completely.
00:14:59 Speaker 1
All the memories I had with my ex, he had remade memories.
00:15:02 Speaker 1
And my heart that was so broken, he had made whole again.
00:15:07 Speaker 1
And my relationship with my family, he had like brought back
00:15:13 Speaker 1
as in into my life, because I think I just didn't want to speak to anyone in my family, because I knew that they knew that I was up to stuff.
00:15:20 Speaker 1
So I was like, I don't really want to talk to them.
00:15:23 Speaker 1
But now, like I was speaking to my family again.
00:15:28 Speaker 1
And I remember saying, God, okay, like, thank you for healing me, but you need to surround me with a community of people that will really like help me.
00:15:36 Speaker 1
Because all of my friends just love drinking, clubbing, partying, smoking, like doing drugs and all of that.
00:15:44 Speaker 1
You need to surround me with a solid community guard.
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And that's what he did.
00:15:49 Speaker 1
It's crazy.
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He's so good.
00:15:53 Speaker 1
With the community back in Edinburgh, actually, he brought one of my friends,
00:15:58 Speaker 1
to mind.
00:15:59 Speaker 1
He went to the same high school as I did.
00:16:03 Speaker 1
And I just knew that he, I knew he was a Christian because he had posted on his story like of stuff of him at church, but also Bible verses and stuff.
00:16:13 Speaker 1
So I was like, okay, I'll just DM him.
00:16:16 Speaker 1
So I did, I like DM'd him and I was like, hey, like I know you're a Christian, I'm currently looking for a community.
00:16:22 Speaker 1
What church do you go to?
00:16:23 Speaker 1
And he was like, oh, I go to this church, you should come this Sunday.
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And I was like, okay, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
00:16:29 Speaker 1
I'm going to go.
00:16:29 Speaker 1
And when I went, that community was exactly what I needed at that time.
00:16:35 Speaker 1
They scooped me up and they really helped me build that foundation on God again, which is so good.
00:16:43 Speaker 1
And at that time, I think it was midway through second year now, every time I'd pray, I felt God say, this is not what I have for you.
00:16:56 Speaker 1
I was like, what does that even mean?
00:16:58 Speaker 1
But I knew in my heart it was about university because I was not happy at uni.
00:17:03 Speaker 1
And I was like, okay, what does, yeah, what was it?
00:17:10 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:17:10 Speaker 1
So every time I pray, I felt God say, this is not what I have for you.
00:17:14 Speaker 1
I remember bringing up the idea to my mum being like, what if I like deferred a year at uni and left uni?
00:17:20 Speaker 1
and did like content creation and create stuff and do what I want to do.
00:17:25 Speaker 1
And she's like, don't be ridiculous.
00:17:27 Speaker 1
Like, I've worked so hard for you to get a good education.
00:17:31 Speaker 1
Like, don't do that.
00:17:34 Speaker 1
And I was like, I really feel from God that I'm not meant to be here.
00:17:38 Speaker 1
And this is like maybe like 2, three months of this constant back and forth between my mum and me and like going back to God and being like, God, okay.
00:17:46 Speaker 1
But then every time I pray, I felt God say, this is not what I have for you.
00:17:51 Speaker 1
And I was like, okay, God, if you really want me to leave uni, then you have to make a way with my mum because my mum is absolutely furious about it.
00:17:59 Speaker 1
And I said, amen.
00:18:00 Speaker 1
And maybe I just left it there because I knew like if I kept on bringing it up with mum, like she'd probably just like get even more angry and furious and say no.
00:18:11 Speaker 1
And I think it was 2 weeks later, mum just randomly called me.
00:18:14 Speaker 1
I was like, Michelle, I just feel from God that you're meant to do what he's telling you to do.
00:18:19 Speaker 1
So if that means leave university, you should do that.
00:18:22 Speaker 1
And I was like, God, this is the green light you were like I was waiting for.
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Thank you.
00:18:28 Speaker 1
And St.
00:18:29 Speaker 1
Andrews are typically known to not give out like year outs or deferred years or whatever, because obviously they just want to keep their students like rolling it, rolling out.
00:18:39 Speaker 1
And I applied for it and I literally got an e-mail back the next day saying, great, you're good for your like deferred year, like have a great time.
00:18:46 Speaker 1
I was like, okay, great, thank you God.
00:18:49 Speaker 1
So my mum actually came back from Mongolia to help me move out because she had come for like a holiday or something and she helped me move out and I remember her just being so disappointed in me.
00:19:00 Speaker 1
But I knew that this was what I felt from God to do.
00:19:04 Speaker 1
So I moved back to our family home in Edinburgh.
00:19:08 Speaker 1
And I was there by myself because mum obviously then went back to Mongolia.
00:19:13 Speaker 1
And I was like working at Starbucks as a barista, creating like gym content on my Instagram, still creating YouTube videos and like serving at this church that I was really committed to.
00:19:28 Speaker 1
So there's a lot going on.
00:19:29 Speaker 1
But then I reflect on it now.
00:19:31 Speaker 1
I was like, I literally had no idea what I was like doing with my life.
00:19:34 Speaker 1
I was just like,
00:19:36 Speaker 1
following and doing what I felt like I was meant to do at the time.
00:19:40 Speaker 1
And it was a year of me doing that.
00:19:45 Speaker 1
And then this random guy that happened to go to the same church as I did, but from a different like base.
00:19:52 Speaker 1
So I went to the one in Edinburgh, he went to the one in London.
00:19:55 Speaker 1
He reached out to me, he was like, hey, I love what you're doing.
00:19:58 Speaker 1
We should totally connect.
00:20:00 Speaker 1
And I have family in London.
00:20:01 Speaker 1
So that summer, I think it was summer of 2022.
00:20:04 Speaker 1
I moved down, not moved down, I went down to London to visit family, but then also connect with this guy.
00:20:10 Speaker 1
And he happened to be filming something with the director of The Way UK, The Way Studios, this production company.
00:20:20 Speaker 1
And I didn't know who he was.
00:20:21 Speaker 1
I was just like, okay, cool.
00:20:23 Speaker 1
And he basically bigged me up to this
00:20:29 Speaker 1
director was like, Michelle's an incredible communicator.
00:20:32 Speaker 1
She's a creative, great creative.
00:20:34 Speaker 1
We should work with her.
00:20:36 Speaker 1
And the next day, they happened to be shooting something in Salisbury.
00:20:41 Speaker 1
And the director of the way texted me, he was like, hey, like, we'll buy you a train ticket.
00:20:45 Speaker 1
We want you out on this shoot with us.
00:20:48 Speaker 1
So that's where the connection happened.
00:20:50 Speaker 1
And it's crazy to think that that's what God was doing all of this behind the scenes that I was completely unaware of.
00:20:56 Speaker 1
And from that point on, that connection with that production company was just kind of ongoing, but nothing crazy happened from it.
00:21:04 Speaker 1
After that summer, I went back to Edinburgh.
00:21:05 Speaker 1
I was doing my thing, still content creating.
00:21:08 Speaker 1
And then I think it was like January, I think it was March, June time, 2023, where I felt from the Lord that I needed to leave the church that I was serving at, that I was going to, because of various different things.
00:21:24 Speaker 1
I won't go into, but the leadership basically just started to crumble.
00:21:27 Speaker 1
And my friends started to leave because they were getting hurt.
00:21:30 Speaker 1
And I remember like sticking it out, being like, oh no, like I don't find anything wrong with these guys.
00:21:37 Speaker 1
I'm sure it's fine.
00:21:38 Speaker 1
But every time I had a meeting with the pastors and stuff, and I would like debooth it, I'll like go to my brother and my sister-in-law, I'd call them and be like, hey, like I feel way more confused.
00:21:51 Speaker 1
after the conversation I had with the pastors, like, I don't know what to do.
00:21:57 Speaker 1
So they had the history.
00:21:59 Speaker 1
They knew what was going on within that church and with me.
00:22:03 Speaker 1
And they had been praying for me, like, trying to discern what I should do.
00:22:07 Speaker 1
I think they knew that I needed to leave, but they didn't say it.
00:22:11 Speaker 1
And...
00:22:11 Speaker 1
Where am I now?
00:22:15 Speaker 1
I'm in Edinburgh.
00:22:22 Speaker 1
and I was praying.
00:22:24 Speaker 1
I was like, God, do I leave because my friends have left?
00:22:27 Speaker 1
And I felt God say, yeah, it's time to leave.
00:22:30 Speaker 1
And it was crazy because it was not an easy, like, it wasn't an easy plug out.
00:22:37 Speaker 1
It was very, like, it was loaded.
00:22:40 Speaker 1
I was very plugged in.
00:22:41 Speaker 1
I was a worship leader, all of that.
00:22:42 Speaker 1
And I knew that if I met the pastor and I said, I'm going to leave,
00:22:49 Speaker 1
there would have been, it would have been really hard for me to go.
00:22:52 Speaker 1
So I literally just like sent him a text.
00:22:54 Speaker 1
I was like, hey, I know that I've committed to a lot of things at this church.
00:22:57 Speaker 1
I just want to honor like the, like what you've done, like kind of like as a, you know, as a pastor in my life and all of that, but I'm just going to, I just feel from God to leave.
00:23:10 Speaker 1
And he said, I remember him sending me like this massive, like really long voice note and I didn't listen to it because I was like, I cannot do that.
00:23:18 Speaker 1
So when I left, the whole community completely like pushed me aside.
00:23:24 Speaker 1
Like they, nobody reached out to me when I left.
00:23:28 Speaker 1
I didn't have a community in Edinburgh anymore.
00:23:31 Speaker 1
I wasn't really friends with anyone from my high school, wasn't really like, I didn't have, literally had nobody.
00:23:37 Speaker 1
Family had gone, brother and my sister-in-law down south, loads more family down south.
00:23:43 Speaker 1
So I was in Scotland like alone.
00:23:46 Speaker 1
What am I doing here, God?
00:23:48 Speaker 1
I remember praying like, God, my hands are open.
00:23:51 Speaker 1
I'm out of university.
00:23:52 Speaker 1
I'm out of this church that I was serving at.
00:23:55 Speaker 1
I literally have nothing to do in Scotland anymore.
00:23:59 Speaker 1
Like, what do you want me to do?
00:24:01 Speaker 1
And at that time, my brother and my sister-in-law knew how hard it was for me to even like just be in Edinburgh because everything was painful.
00:24:11 Speaker 1
So they were like, oh, Michelle, why don't you come and stay with us for a month?
00:24:15 Speaker 1
And
00:24:16 Speaker 1
pray and heal and hear from the Lord what you're meant to do next.
00:24:20 Speaker 1
And so I did, I went down to Cambridge and I stayed there for a month.
00:24:24 Speaker 1
And during that time, God just did a stripping work.
00:24:28 Speaker 1
Like he took everything away from me.
00:24:31 Speaker 1
The community that I thought I was part of, like that meaning, you know, that purpose, all the content creation stuff.
00:24:38 Speaker 1
God was, I felt like I was like, just
00:24:41 Speaker 1
I don't know, as the days went by, I felt like I was missing out on the opportunity to like, blow up or create that content that will help me grow and all that sort of thing.
00:24:54 Speaker 1
I remember God just saying, like, be still.
00:24:57 Speaker 1
And I was like, I can't.
00:24:59 Speaker 1
I literally can't.
00:25:00 Speaker 1
Like, I feel like I just need to do something.
00:25:03 Speaker 1
I remember my sister-in-law just being like, Michelle, what are you going to do today?
00:25:07 Speaker 1
And I was like, oh, I'll probably film this, do this and do that, edit that video.
00:25:12 Speaker 1
And she's like, oh, do you not just want to chill?
00:25:14 Speaker 1
Can you not chill?
00:25:15 Speaker 1
And I was like, no, I can't.
00:25:16 Speaker 1
Like, I literally can't.
00:25:18 Speaker 1
And she gave me this book at the time that was called Ruth's Elimination of Hurry.
00:25:23 Speaker 1
And she's like, you should read this.
00:25:25 Speaker 1
And I was like, okay, cool.
00:25:27 Speaker 1
And I put it on the shelf.
00:25:29 Speaker 1
But then every time I'd spend time with God,
00:25:32 Speaker 1
I felt him like tell me to just be still.
00:25:35 Speaker 1
I had this restlessness inside of me and I just felt God like really encouraged me to just be still.
00:25:40 Speaker 1
So that's what he did that.
00:25:42 Speaker 1
He did that stripping work of like stripping the whole culture of striving from me.
00:25:47 Speaker 1
And it was during that month that we happened to have this like meeting, this Zoom call with the way team for like filming dates and stuff.
00:25:55 Speaker 1
And I told the director of the way, like, he asked me, like, Michelle, give us a bit of an update on your life, like what's going on?
00:26:02 Speaker 1
We haven't heard much from you.
00:26:03 Speaker 1
I was like, well, I've left university, I've left the church that I'm at in Edinburgh, I literally have nothing.
00:26:08 Speaker 1
I'm just waiting on the Lord, like, my hands are open, don't know what to do, really.
00:26:12 Speaker 1
I've been praying, like, what should I do?
00:26:16 Speaker 1
I didn't tell him this, but I was praying, should I do like a ministry school?
00:26:20 Speaker 1
I would love to do YWAM.
00:26:21 Speaker 1
I'd love to go to Germany, do mission work, love to like dedicate like a year of my life to be like, I want to learn so much.
00:26:27 Speaker 1
I want to just give my life to you, God, because I've just had such a hectic few years.
00:26:35 Speaker 1
And Michael, he didn't know, oh, name drop.
00:26:39 Speaker 1
Michael, the director of the way, he didn't know at the time I was praying all of this, like, should I do YWAM ministry school?
00:26:46 Speaker 1
And he just randomly said, we've got a discipleship year running on at our church for the first time.
00:26:50 Speaker 1
Would you be interested in doing that?
00:26:52 Speaker 1
And I was like, light bulb in my head is like, yes, that's exactly what I want to do.
00:26:56 Speaker 1
And I only had four days to apply for this.
00:26:58 Speaker 1
Like that was the deadline.
00:27:00 Speaker 1
And I remember to asking my sister-in-law like, what if this isn't what God has for me?
00:27:04 Speaker 1
And she was like, well, if it isn't, then God will close the door.
00:27:07 Speaker 1
Like he's kind enough to close the door.
00:27:09 Speaker 1
And I was like, okay.
00:27:10 Speaker 1
So I applied for it and I, got in.
00:27:14 Speaker 1
Now being on the other end of the disabilities, I now know that people actually got rejected from it because it was the first year of them running it, so they wanted to keep the number small.
00:27:24 Speaker 1
And I happened to be one of the nine.
00:27:25 Speaker 1
So I got in.
00:27:27 Speaker 1
Everything went through super smoothly.
00:27:28 Speaker 1
I got accommodation.
00:27:30 Speaker 1
I got, what I wanted to do was worship.
00:27:34 Speaker 1
I got into that role, like that stream.
00:27:37 Speaker 1
And after the month with my brother and my sister-in-law, now I knew that I was going to move to London.
00:27:44 Speaker 1
I was working at Starbucks trying to save some money up.
00:27:46 Speaker 1
Like I only had like a month to do that before moving down to London.
00:27:50 Speaker 1
And I remember just praying one morning, being like, okay, God, I really need reassurance in terms of finances.
00:27:56 Speaker 1
And I used that exact word.
00:27:58 Speaker 1
And I said, amen.
00:27:59 Speaker 1
And 2 minutes later, Michael, the director of the way, calls me and he goes, Michelle, I just wanted to reassure you.
00:28:03 Speaker 1
He used an exact word that I had prayed.
00:28:06 Speaker 1
reassure you that we've got enough work for you when you move down to London, so you'll be perfectly fine when financing yourself in London.
00:28:13 Speaker 1
And I was like, thank you, God, that's exactly what I needed.
00:28:17 Speaker 1
So then moved down to London.
00:28:19 Speaker 1
I had this, like, I had really cheap accommodation, by the way.
00:28:23 Speaker 1
For London, it was kind of nuts.
00:28:26 Speaker 1
And yeah, I started this discipleship year.
00:28:30 Speaker 1
And the first day that I got in,
00:28:33 Speaker 1
this subject year was such a formative time for me and my relationship with God and just my heart and healing and freedom.
00:28:42 Speaker 1
I remember the first day we were all together like with the leaders and stuff.
00:28:48 Speaker 1
And one of the leaders was like, I really feel from like God that somebody in this room is meant to hear this, that you're safe here and you can let your guard down.
00:28:56 Speaker 1
And as soon as I heard that, I just like, just started crying.
00:29:01 Speaker 1
And I didn't know that this was exactly what I needed to hear because from my previous experience with church I'd just come from, I had so much hurt and so much pain, church hurt and I didn't know if I could trust leaders and I didn't know that.
00:29:12 Speaker 1
I didn't know that my heart was like actually really hurting.
00:29:17 Speaker 1
So when I heard that, I was like, okay, this is where I'm meant to be, thank you God.
00:29:20 Speaker 1
And the whole year, my life was just
00:29:25 Speaker 1
completely transformed from that discipleship year.
00:29:28 Speaker 1
My depth of the Lord, the freedom that I've experienced, like the way that I like to describe it is like a water jug and there's like tons of silt and dirt at the bottom and water's being poured in from the top and all that dirt and silt just starts to rise up to the top and then ultimately, eventually over pours out until that water's all clean.
00:29:46 Speaker 1
And that's what the Lord did in my heart.
00:29:48 Speaker 1
Like he brought up so much like pain and hurt with my dad.
00:29:53 Speaker 1
with my mum, my family, all of that pain he brought up and he really healed.
00:29:58 Speaker 1
Like I remember this one time, it was a session that we were in, this discipleship year.
00:30:06 Speaker 1
Everyone was in it, like everyone was encountering the Lord and I didn't really have like much of a moment.
00:30:11 Speaker 1
I was just like, just sat there, I guess, just in the Lord's presence.
00:30:16 Speaker 1
And I just looked out the window and as the leaves were blowing through,
00:30:21 Speaker 1
the wind was blowing through the leaves, I felt God say he didn't know any better.
00:30:25 Speaker 1
And as I heard that, I knew exactly who he was talking about.
00:30:28 Speaker 1
He was talking about my dad.
00:30:31 Speaker 1
And I resented my dad.
00:30:35 Speaker 1
I hated him.
00:30:36 Speaker 1
I was like, he's a useless case of a man.
00:30:39 Speaker 1
Like, he left his family.
00:30:42 Speaker 1
What kind of man does that?
00:30:43 Speaker 1
And I was really angry.
00:30:45 Speaker 1
I hated him.
00:30:48 Speaker 1
And I didn't want him to, I didn't want anything to do with him.
00:30:51 Speaker 1
And as soon as God said that, I was like, okay.
00:30:55 Speaker 1
And it literally felt like the chambers of my heart that I didn't know were so locked up, literally just open up and I felt like the wind of the Holy Spirit just come in and really just heal and bring in that light and that fresh air.
00:31:14 Speaker 1
And he said like,
00:31:17 Speaker 1
I remember God saying, he thought he was actually loving you by leaving because he saw himself as a problem and he did, he just eliminated the problem and that was himself.
00:31:29 Speaker 1
And when I heard that, I was like, okay, I forgive my dad.
00:31:33 Speaker 1
I forgive my dad.
00:31:35 Speaker 1
And that was like quite a, yeah, I forgive my dad.
00:31:52 Speaker 1
And it was just the kindness of God to bring me that healing that I needed to grow.
00:32:01 Speaker 1
And I've always kind of had like a rocky relationship with my mum because I think it's just a classic like mother-daughter relationship where just like 2 big personalities like clash heads a lot, **** heads A lot.
00:32:14 Speaker 1
My mum and I were like that a lot growing up and I was kind of the child that
00:32:21 Speaker 1
didn't really, like wanted to do their own thing.
00:32:24 Speaker 1
Like my brother was a classic, like, not little teepee, like teacher's pet, but also like does everything that the parents want them to do.
00:32:32 Speaker 1
And then I was like the opposite of that where I was like, no, I want to do what I want to do.
00:32:37 Speaker 1
And I think that brought up a lot with my mum.
00:32:39 Speaker 1
Like she, yeah, she just, she saw it as disrespect because I think coming like from the culture that I'm from, Mongolia,
00:32:50 Speaker 1
Kids are meant to, the younger, are meant to respect and honour the elders.
00:32:54 Speaker 1
And if you don't listen to them, then you're like, what have you been doing?
00:33:01 Speaker 1
And God was just so kind through the past couple years to really restore that relationship.
00:33:08 Speaker 1
There was a moment in my life where, I mean, the past two years where I didn't speak to my mum much at all because I felt so much pain.
00:33:17 Speaker 1
I felt really hurt by her.
00:33:20 Speaker 1
And I wanted forgiveness.
00:33:22 Speaker 1
I wanted to forgive my mum because I knew that was right and I knew that would bring healing.
00:33:27 Speaker 1
But I was trying so hard in my own strength to forgive that I was just hurting myself.
00:33:35 Speaker 1
And I heard God say, just like, give it to me.
00:33:37 Speaker 1
Give it to me and see what I'll do.
00:33:42 Speaker 1
So I did and I said, I said amen to that prayer.
00:33:46 Speaker 1
And I left it and I didn't speak to my mum for maybe like a few months.
00:33:50 Speaker 1
And it was random.
00:33:51 Speaker 1
I woke up all morning to the feeling of, oh, I really love my mum.
00:33:59 Speaker 1
Which is so crazy because I don't think I had felt that for like the two, three years I was kind of going through all this hard work.
00:34:08 Speaker 1
And I just started texting her.
00:34:12 Speaker 1
And we've like the relationship is just completely restored now.
00:34:16 Speaker 1
Like it's better than ever.
00:34:19 Speaker 1
And even if I think the work that God did was like kind of the surrender and helping me see that he's actually way above it all.
00:34:29 Speaker 1
Like I was like, God, like, but she doesn't understand what she's doing, the things that she's saying, the pain that she's causing.
00:34:36 Speaker 1
And he was like, well, would you be okay if she never changed?
00:34:39 Speaker 1
And I remember that being really painful.
00:34:41 Speaker 1
I was like, no, like I want her to know what she's doing.
00:34:45 Speaker 1
And that was a point of like releasing the control and healing and the freedom.
00:34:53 Speaker 1
And it's just like so good to like see how God has like really restored that relationship because my mum now has just grown in self-awareness.
00:35:03 Speaker 1
Like she's like, oh, I'm like actually apologizing for
00:35:06 Speaker 1
the way that she like communicates things sometimes.
00:35:09 Speaker 1
And the Lord's just been so kind.
00:35:12 Speaker 1
So after my discipleship year, it was like actually midway through my discipleship year, I was working with the production company like the Way UK part time to like obviously finance myself in London.
00:35:25 Speaker 1
And like I think it was like February time of like 2024 where Michael, the director like called me was like, sure, like we'd love to like have you on team full time.
00:35:36 Speaker 1
from September when you finish your discipleship year.
00:35:38 Speaker 1
And I was like, okay, great, like this is my next step.
00:35:41 Speaker 1
So that's what I did.
00:35:44 Speaker 1
And that's ultimately where I am now, where I am the content for GSA and presenter for The Way UK.
00:35:51 Speaker 1
I've grown a lot, I've learned a lot and there's still lots to learn, lots to navigate, but God's been faithful time and time again throughout my story.
00:35:59 Speaker 1
But yeah.
00:36:02 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:36:03 Speaker 3
How could other people learn from you?
00:36:06 Speaker 3
So how could, like you did a big thing when you left uni, because I can see from what you said and there's pressure from your mum and probably pressure on yourself and you've probably felt like you had to go to uni because society makes us think that, we'd go to school, we'd go to there and we'd go to here.
00:36:27 Speaker 3
How did you listen to God so well and do that?
00:36:30 Speaker 3
How did you know what God wanted you to do?
00:36:32 Speaker 3
That's so hard for people to know and figure out.
00:36:35 Speaker 3
Is there any tips you've got or anything you could help us with?
00:36:37 Speaker 1
I feel like it's just a leap of faith.
00:36:40 Speaker 1
Like, we'll never get the full picture.
00:36:43 Speaker 1
Like, God doesn't tend to do that.
00:36:46 Speaker 1
It's usually the next step.
00:36:47 Speaker 1
It's like the light unto my path, lump to my feet, literally.
00:36:51 Speaker 1
Like, he just highlights the next step.
00:36:53 Speaker 1
And I think sometimes we can overthink it and be like, oh, God, give me the big picture.
00:36:57 Speaker 1
Like, if you want me to do this and you've got to show me what you're going to do, like, surely.
00:37:02 Speaker 1
But it's like trusting the Lord that he's good enough to redirect us, even if we make the wrong decision.
00:37:08 Speaker 1
And I think that's what it was like for me back then.
00:37:11 Speaker 1
I think also a bit of just like full send moment where it's just like, I actually do not like university and just want to leave mixed in with like, but had given me the confirmation that I needed by letting my mum say yes to me leaving.
00:37:29 Speaker 1
Because I think I had like,
00:37:31 Speaker 1
got in my head about like, honour your parents, that scripture was like, where I was like really deeping it, spitting everywhere.
00:37:40 Speaker 1
I was really deeping it like, I want to honour my mum, but then God taught me that honouring your parents doesn't mean you do everything that they say.
00:37:49 Speaker 1
You take it into account and you honour it.
00:37:52 Speaker 1
And you say, okay, I thank you for that piece of advice.
00:37:55 Speaker 1
But ultimately, God's the one who's leading my life.
00:37:58 Speaker 1
Not my mum, not my parents, like not my mum or dad, you know.
00:38:02 Speaker 1
So I think it's like just trusting God because he's good.
00:38:08 Speaker 3
So yeah, how did God highlight it?
00:38:10 Speaker 3
How did God highlight it in your life?
00:38:12 Speaker 3
Like to do content creation?
00:38:14 Speaker 3
Is it something that you just loved and it was in your heart?
00:38:18 Speaker 3
And you just, because God's created us.
00:38:22 Speaker 3
hasn't he, and he's made us a certain way.
00:38:27 Speaker 3
Maybe you weren't a neuroscientist, you were a content creator, and how did people figure that out?
00:38:34 Speaker 3
It's such a question that is often asked, I think, in all circles of...
00:38:39 Speaker 3
Chris shares you're like when we're going through our groups and stuff, it's like, what does God actually want me to do?
00:38:42 Speaker 3
Because it's the best for me because Jeremiah 29, for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to possibly not harm you to give you hope in the future.
00:38:50 Speaker 3
And you know, like, but how do we get, how do we find that?
00:38:53 Speaker 3
I just, I don't understand how we do it.
00:38:55 Speaker 3
It's so hard.
00:38:56 Speaker 3
And I'd love to learn from you who's done it.
00:38:57 Speaker 3
Like, was it something in your heart that you just thought, I love the idea of content creation and that's, was that what it was or?
00:39:04 Speaker 1
Yeah, mainly I think it like God likes to
00:39:08 Speaker 1
likes to nudge us through our giftings, what we're good at, what we're interested in.
00:39:14 Speaker 1
And I think that's something that I'm even still learning now where, okay, God, you really read, like, you really redirected me from where I thought I was going to go.
00:39:25 Speaker 1
Neuroscience is a safe option of getting a degree, doing it.
00:39:29 Speaker 1
And, you know, but that thought really, I just hated the thought of getting a degree, getting a job.
00:39:36 Speaker 1
getting a good paying job maybe and then living the rest of my life doing the same thing.
00:39:41 Speaker 1
No, that sounded really like boring to me and I was like, I cannot die that way.
00:39:46 Speaker 1
And I think, for those who are listening, what I did, I think God just like reruned again.
00:39:55 Speaker 1
I just glitched big time.
00:39:59 Speaker 1
Yeah, I think I've already said it, like God just uses our giftings and what we're good at to show us what he wants us to do.
00:40:06 Speaker 3
And you chase a bit of excitement because I think God wants us to have an adventure and you thought that's exciting.
00:40:11 Speaker 1
No, totally.
00:40:12 Speaker 1
I think obviously there's seasons in our life that are a bit more quieter and that's fine and that's invited for sure.
00:40:22 Speaker 1
But adventure with the Lord is so exciting because he can redirect you
00:40:28 Speaker 1
anywhere.
00:40:29 Speaker 1
And I think being open to his redirection and his interruption is really important, I think, for us, all of us as children.
00:40:47 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:40:47 Speaker 2
I think as well as Christians,
00:40:50 Speaker 2
it's okay to try things and try something and it not be the right thing.
00:40:55 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:40:55 Speaker 2
Don't, we need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.
00:40:59 Speaker 2
It's okay to try and fail and then think, right, I'll do this, I'll try that, I'll try that, until you find the right thing.
00:41:04 Speaker 2
You'll go, God's got so much grace for that.
00:41:06 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:41:07 Speaker 2
And it's like, you know, like I think also you were saying you're making your YouTube videos.
00:41:12 Speaker 2
I bet you learned so much in that for what he prepared you for now.
00:41:16 Speaker 2
Like before we did this, I just had a mainstream clothing brand and I learned
00:41:20 Speaker 2
so much doing that.
00:41:22 Speaker 2
And he was in it all, even though it wasn't for him at that point.
00:41:27 Speaker 2
It's like he's preparing us for what he's called us to do.
00:41:31 Speaker 1
Yeah, And I think like, don't fear failure.
00:41:36 Speaker 1
I think it's a cliche thing to say, but it's like, actually do it, try it.
00:41:42 Speaker 1
If it doesn't work, shift it again, try something new.
00:41:45 Speaker 1
I mean, I'm like still learning that with my own content creation.
00:41:47 Speaker 1
Like,
00:41:49 Speaker 1
not to chase the numbers, not to chase the likes, not to chase the like attention, but actually having a pure heart within it.
00:41:58 Speaker 1
Like it's really hard, and as a content creator, obviously the numbers do matter, but
00:42:06 Speaker 1
But ultimately I'm doing it because I feel like the Lord's given me a heart to create.
00:42:11 Speaker 1
Like we're all created to create and that looks different.
00:42:13 Speaker 1
That can look like being a surgeon, a neuroscientist, that can look like making clothes, that can look like recording a podcast or digital art or like all these different things, you know.
00:42:25 Speaker 1
And I think it's just being obedient to that and being honest with yourself.
00:42:29 Speaker 1
Like and comparison is such a huge thing that I'm still working through.
00:42:32 Speaker 1
Like comparison is a thief of all joy and it really is.
00:42:36 Speaker 1
looking left and right and being like, but they're doing that and that seems to be really working.
00:42:40 Speaker 1
Maybe I should do that.
00:42:42 Speaker 1
And then you start like comparing your life with somebody else, be like, okay, well I'm doing that, but then why is it not working?
00:42:47 Speaker 1
And it's because it's because like there's only one of you.
00:42:50 Speaker 1
Like nobody wants 2 versions of the one person.
00:42:54 Speaker 1
Like it'd be so boring if they're the same.
00:42:57 Speaker 1
Exactly.
00:42:57 Speaker 1
And you have something really unique to bring to this world.
00:43:01 Speaker 1
It's a gift that you're unique.
00:43:02 Speaker 1
So yeah, stepping into that as well.
00:43:05 Speaker 1
So good.
00:43:07 Speaker 3
Really cool.
00:43:08 Speaker 3
And has there been any like recent challenges that you've gone through?
00:43:11 Speaker 3
Because obviously you're still, you're doing what God wants you to do, but you're still coming across challenges, right?
00:43:15 Speaker 3
Has there been any recent challenges where God's really stepped in and provided in your job?
00:43:26 Speaker 1
I think for me right now, I'm trying to figure out what God wants, like where he's leading me.
00:43:35 Speaker 1
I think I want to constantly be like aware of where he is.
00:43:38 Speaker 1
I want to be where his presence is ultimately.
00:43:41 Speaker 1
And I think sometimes I can like overthink where I am now.
00:43:44 Speaker 1
And I think I can be like, oh, am I actually doing what I'm meant to be doing?
00:43:48 Speaker 1
And also, am I going to be doing this like for the rest of my life?
00:43:52 Speaker 1
I don't think I am.
00:43:54 Speaker 1
What should I be doing next?
00:43:55 Speaker 1
And I think that's something that I'm like navigating now, which has been really difficult because God's just like, give me the control.
00:44:02 Speaker 1
And that's so hard to do.
00:44:03 Speaker 1
Because, there's so many different things that I'm interested in.
00:44:07 Speaker 1
I love fashion.
00:44:08 Speaker 1
I love like filmmaking.
00:44:10 Speaker 1
I love like all these different things.
00:44:13 Speaker 1
And I'm like, do I need to niche down?
00:44:15 Speaker 1
Do I need to pick one?
00:44:17 Speaker 1
Like, what do I do?
00:44:18 Speaker 1
And it's been really hard to navigate that.
00:44:20 Speaker 3
Both are the worship leading.
00:44:22 Speaker 1
Both are the worship leading.
00:44:23 Speaker 1
Exactly.
00:44:24 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:44:24 Speaker 1
The thing is.
00:44:25 Speaker 3
How does that look?
00:44:26 Speaker 3
Like what?
00:44:27 Speaker 1
Well, I'm a part of quite a big church right now.
00:44:31 Speaker 1
So I think I'm having to like, that's something that I also want to step into, but in part I've had to kind of, I guess, step back in a little bit because there's so much going on already in my life that I need to fit in space to rest as well.
00:44:48 Speaker 1
Because I think for me, it's really easy to like get into the groove of things and be like, oh, meet that person, do that, do this, do this.
00:44:55 Speaker 1
And then I forget that.
00:44:56 Speaker 1
I can neglect the main thing in my life and that's my relationship with God.
00:45:02 Speaker 1
And I need to have time for that.
00:45:04 Speaker 1
I need to have space for that.
00:45:05 Speaker 1
So if that means I need to readjust certain things and say no to certain things, then I should do that.
00:45:12 Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:45:13 Speaker 1
That's good.
00:45:15 Speaker 3
And your defining moment was when you were like, you felt a physical push as well.
00:45:20 Speaker 3
I found that really interesting when you said you felt a physical push from the Holy Spirit.
00:45:23 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:45:23 Speaker 3
That's cool.
00:45:24 Speaker 1
That is cool.
00:45:27 Speaker 1
I haven't had another moment like that.
00:45:28 Speaker 1
That's probably the first and the last time that I've had that.
00:45:33 Speaker 1
Not last time, but I'm sure God will do it again in a different way.
00:45:37 Speaker 1
But that was the first time I've ever felt like a physical nudge like that.
00:45:41 Speaker 3
He's obviously been giving you prophecy like.
00:45:44 Speaker 3
prophetic words.
00:45:45 Speaker 3
Has that been happening quite a bit since as well?
00:45:47 Speaker 1
Yeah, it's funny that you mentioned that, yeah.
00:45:49 Speaker 1
I would say that I, from that discipleship, yeah, I've grown in the prophetic, which is really cool.
00:45:55 Speaker 1
And the Lord's like teaching me a lot about the spirit realm and the power that we have as children of God as well, which is really cool.
00:46:02 Speaker 1
And it's a gift I think I want to steward while prophecy is such a gift.
00:46:08 Speaker 1
Like obviously it edifies the church and the body of Christ.
00:46:12 Speaker 1
And I want to,
00:46:14 Speaker 1
Yeah, I want to grow in that.
00:46:15 Speaker 1
I see pictures, which is really cool, from the Lord.
00:46:19 Speaker 1
The way that I like to describe it is like, imagine a top hat on my hand with a feather coming out of it.
00:46:24 Speaker 1
You can see it, you can imagine it, and that's how I see things in the spirit, which is cool.
00:46:28 Speaker 1
But then I also have friends who like actually see things.
00:46:30 Speaker 1
That's another whole different topic.
00:46:33 Speaker 1
But yeah, I'm still growing in gifts of prophecy for sure.
00:46:38 Speaker 3
That's really cool.
00:46:39 Speaker 3
Really cool.
00:46:40 Speaker 3
And you said about being a daughter of God as well, and that you've been well aware that's who you are.
00:46:45 Speaker 3
I think there might be someone watching this, like who's, well, there's definitely going to be someone watching this who doesn't know that.
00:46:50 Speaker 3
Could you tell us about that and like tell the person watching this that they are a daughter of God?
00:46:57 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:47:00 Speaker 1
You are first a daughter or a son before anything, before anything that you could do, before anything you could say.
00:47:10 Speaker 1
you're called to belong first.
00:47:13 Speaker 1
And I think your identity in the Lord is where everything else flows from.
00:47:20 Speaker 1
And I think when you know who you are in the Lord and when you know what he says about you, then everything else will fall into place.
00:47:30 Speaker 1
Because I think it's easy for us to look left and right, different places to find who we are.
00:47:38 Speaker 1
But the ultimate place, the only place that you'll actually find it is in God.
00:47:45 Speaker 1
And he says, you are my child.
00:47:47 Speaker 1
And children just be.
00:47:49 Speaker 1
Children just belong and they follow and they listen.
00:47:53 Speaker 1
And that's what we're called to do.
00:47:56 Speaker 1
But I would, yeah, I would encourage you to really ask the Lord, like, what do you think about me, God?
00:48:01 Speaker 1
And without a doubt, I know he has something really beautiful to say.
00:48:08 Speaker 3
I love that.
00:48:08 Speaker 3
is really powerful, actually.
00:48:10 Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:48:12 Speaker 3
That's really cool.
00:48:12 Speaker 2
I mean, if you know that, you don't really need to know anything else.
00:48:15 Speaker 3
I was just thinking for my own life.
00:48:16 Speaker 3
Yeah, this is amazing, what you just said.
00:48:18 Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:48:21 Speaker 3
It's good to know that at first.
00:48:22 Speaker 2
There'll be some people listening to this that I feel like are just wondering what God wants to do, struggling.
00:48:30 Speaker 2
And I feel like your faith is just so...
00:48:33 Speaker 2
childlike actually, the way that you were saying just took that little step and even with your mum, oh please God, can you change our mind?
00:48:40 Speaker 2
You just asked him every time.
00:48:42 Speaker 2
I just feel like there's such a beautiful faith.
00:48:46 Speaker 2
And could you just pray over the people listening that if they're in confusion of what they're supposed to be, if they're creative and you know, I think God wants us to use all of that creativity for him.
00:49:00 Speaker 2
to bring him glory and like to this, his, like, I feel like the Christian world with just like, there's like a bubbling up happening of like, and this is going to burst and there's so many creative people and it's like really exciting.
00:49:16 Speaker 2
So if you could just pray into that, it'd be amazing.
00:49:19 Speaker 1
Yeah, totally.
00:49:20 Speaker 2
Thank you.
00:49:20 Speaker 1
Totally.
00:49:25 Speaker 1
Yeah.
00:49:26 Speaker 1
Yeah, God, we just thank you for today.
00:49:28 Speaker 1
We thank you for the person listening to this.
00:49:31 Speaker 1
We thank you for the people in the room.
00:49:34 Speaker 1
Thank you for my life, God.
00:49:38 Speaker 1
Thank you, Jesus, that you are so faithful.
00:49:40 Speaker 1
Thank you that you are a good God, that you're a good Father.
00:49:46 Speaker 1
And Jesus, you've told us that we can ask, you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will open for you.
00:49:54 Speaker 1
And God, I just pray for the person listening to this, whether they might be asking you, God, what do you want me to do?
00:50:02 Speaker 1
Father, I pray that you, in your kindness, would show them what they're gifted at, what they're good at, and where you want them to be, God.
00:50:10 Speaker 1
And thank you, God, that as children, you also give us a choice.
00:50:14 Speaker 1
You ask us to ask you.
00:50:17 Speaker 1
So Jesus, I just pray that you'd give the boldness to those who are listening to ask you for what, for things and for where you want them to be, God.
00:50:27 Speaker 1
But ultimately, I just pray that they would follow your presence, they would follow your voice, Jesus.
00:50:32 Speaker 1
Holy Spirit, we love you.
00:50:34 Speaker 1
Thank you that you are our advocate, that you
00:50:38 Speaker 1
Yeah, that you tell us what the Father thinks, that you reveal the mysteries of God.
00:50:43 Speaker 1
And Jesus, we just pray for those who are creative and who really have that desire to go down that route.
00:50:48 Speaker 1
I just pray that you'd open those doors like you did in my life, God.
00:50:53 Speaker 1
And for those who aren't, who are more techie or sciencey, God, I pray that you would bless that gift in their life and that you would, yeah, really open up doors within that space for them too, Jesus.
00:51:05 Speaker 1
And thank you that you
00:51:07 Speaker 1
You ultimately want us to bring that light into the dark spaces.
00:51:10 Speaker 1
We don't all need to be in Christian bubbles, but actually we need to be out there in the world too.
00:51:16 Speaker 1
So Father, I just pray that you'd strengthen us and you'd guide us in our relationship with you to really be that light and that salt in the lives of others, God.
00:51:26 Speaker 1
And we just pray that in your mighty name, Jesus.
00:51:29 Speaker 1
Amen.
00:51:29 Speaker 1
Amen.
00:51:30 Speaker 2
Amen.
00:51:31 Speaker 1
Thanks for listening to the Jesus Studio Podcast.
00:51:34 Speaker 1
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00:51:36 Speaker 1
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00:51:42 Speaker 1
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