I Grew Up in Church But Didn’t Know Jesus

In this powerful episode of Jesus Studio, Holly shares her deeply personal journey of meeting Jesus in loneliness, heartbreak, confusion, and healing. From growing up in church and wrestling with family pain, to encountering God in a life-changing way during university, Holly opens up about mental health battles, seasons of deep suffering, unexpected adventures with God, and the restoring love of the Father. 

She talks honestly about church hurt, identity, deliverance, healing, the Holy Spirit, and how Jesus became her home through years of uncertainty, moving, and change. Holly also shares what she believes God is doing in Gen Z right now, why this generation is hungry for the real presence of Jesus, and why the Church needs to be ready. 

This conversation is full of hope for anyone walking through pain, disappointment, or a long road of healing. Holly’s story is a reminder that Jesus is faithful in both the instant breakthrough and the slow restoration, and that freedom, healing, and intimacy with Him are worth the journey. 

Link to St Richards Hollingdean as mentioned on the podcast - https://open.spotify.com/show/4ybEWWzX5HQgTPZX650DCu

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Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker 1

But my mum and dad invited me to go to the church that they were going to.

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And I just like, it felt like such a struggle to go and get there.

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I think I was just like, just feeling really sorry for myself, honestly.

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And just having, yeah, just being like, oh, like, okay, I'm going to go.

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It was really interesting because as I went to the church service with my mum and dad, it was like these like intrusive thoughts got really loud, of really like self kind of hatred kind of thoughts.

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And when that happened, I was like, that doesn't sound like me.

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That doesn't sound right.

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And so I just stood at the back of the service, just feeling, again, just feeling really low.

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And then this lady comes up to me and she just was like, I feel like God wants to say something to you.

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You're listening to the Jesus Studio Podcast.

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Welcome to Jesus Studio Podcast.

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Today we've got Holly.

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Holly, we knew from St Peter's and I've heard a bit of your testimony before at Bryce City.

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a while ago and that was just awesome.

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And you're an amazing speaker.

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So I think, as we said, so I think we're in for a treat today.

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So just we'll give you the floor and you just let the Holy Spirit run with you and just tell us your story from the beginning.

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And I'm excited to hear it.

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Awesome.

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All right.

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Yeah, well, so I grew up in church.

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My mum and dad are the first people in my family to come to know Jesus.

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So I think they were about 27 and I think they went to a service

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both went forward, gave their lives to Jesus.

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They were both actually living together at the time, but as they kind of grew in their relationship with Jesus in the early stages, they felt like to honour him.

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They moved out, so they moved out and then eventually got married.

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So when I came into the world, they found themselves ending up in church ministry.

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So the church I grew up in, they were associate pastors of.

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And my dad would lead worship, he'd preach, my mum would preach as well.

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And my dad actually got me involved in the worship from a really young age.

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So I grew up like this is the 90s.

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So it was a very like classic 90s charismatic church, like the flags are out, people dancing.

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But he got me involved in the worship.

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So I would be on percussion on Sundays.

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And I'm probably like 7, 8, 9 years old.

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So I'm there with the bongos and the chimes and stuff, doing it with somebody else.

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But I think

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that kind of set a bit of a ground for me in terms of just being around, I guess, that culture of worship, but also the presence of the Holy Spirit and Jesus and being sensitive to that.

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But yeah, as we grew up in the church and as me and my sister got older, family life happens.

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And I guess my dad sort of being this associate pastor, but then who he was at home sometimes felt quite different because he

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bless him, he's been through stuff in his life.

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So the way that he kind of behaves sometimes at home, he'd get quite angry and maybe have some behaviour that like didn't match up to the guy that I would see on Sunday.

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And so I think that was a little bit confusing for me, for me and my sister to be like, okay, you say all this stuff on a Sunday, but through the week, we don't see evidence of that.

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So as we were growing up in the church, I got really involved in my youth group, which I really loved.

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But then I think I got into my, I think I was about 13 or 14 and my mum and dad decided to leave the church that we were at.

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My mum actually had taken time out for our mental health and they just both felt like it was the right time to leave.

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But unfortunately sometimes this happens with churches and sometimes when people leave it wasn't straightforward, it was quite like a messy time.

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So there's a lot going on at home and just like working out, I guess seeing just the brokenness of people

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but trying to match up that with people who claim to know Jesus and follow him and love him.

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And in hindsight, you can kind of understand that because like any sort of relationship, you all bring in your baggage, you all bring in your brokenness and your stuff and you're trying to work things out.

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So when we left when I was like 13, 14, I didn't really have any interest in rejoining another church.

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So yeah, I just kind of continued life

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I guess without the Lord really.

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I think just, a few years of, I think, I wouldn't say I went off the rails, but I definitely probably just like indulged in the world and lived a very kind of worldly life.

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So fast forward, I guess from the age of 13, 14, I turned 19 and I moved to Brighton for university and I went with

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these are expectations of university, I'm going to be an adult for the first time, have all this freedom, I'm going to enjoy all these parties, or just like, I guess you live that bit of freedom in your life that maybe you didn't have before when you live with your parents.

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But the reality of what I found when I moved to university was that I just had a really, really tough time.

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For some reason I just found it really hard to connect with people at my uni.

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I was like living as a lodger so I wasn't around other students.

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I lived a little bit outside of Brighton and I just felt deeply lonely and just felt really low, really sad, really just having a tough time.

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I remember like

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going to the beach, listening to Mumford and Sons and having feeling like I wanted to cry.

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Like it was just quite a sad time.

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But interestingly, on my very first day, going to my like induction day at uni, there was this girl stood right next to me.

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You know, you do that kind of awkward thing of being like, hello, like introducing yourself.

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So I met my friend Lydia and we weren't in loads of classes together at uni, but we continued to kind of meet up and develop a friendship.

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And interestingly it was around sort of Halloween.

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I went to a house party with lots of people from my university there and it was probably like the most crazy party I've been to.

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I got drunk, smoked some stuff, like I was going into rooms and people just doing drugs and things like that.

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And so the next day I was very hungover and then the next day I felt a bit hungover still.

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But that day was a Sunday and I actually had a rehearsal scheduled with my friend Lydia because I was doing some backing vocals for her.

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And then it was at this rehearsal that she invited me to go to St Peter's in Brighton because they were putting on like a bit of a bonfire kind of service sort of thing.

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So I was like, sure, let's go.

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So I ended up going to the service and from the outside it looks a bit like a cathedral.

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So I remember walking in and being like, wow, it's kind of cool, like the music and lights and stuff like that.

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But yeah, I just remember significantly in the worship as that service began, I remember they were leading this song where the lyrics go, your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

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And I just remember having this encounter with the Holy Spirit and with Jesus

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where it felt like he was speaking those words to me because I think at that time through feeling so lonely and having a hard time and I think when you're young and in that time there's a lot of comparison that happens so I would be looking at other people seeming to have been having a great time at uni or making all these friends and I just felt like I wasn't there and I think that produced a lot of like lack of confidence and low self-esteem

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So I literally just felt Jesus like speak into that sense of brokenness or where I felt broken or where I felt like I wasn't enough.

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And he was just basically like, I love you, I love you, I love you.

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And just encountering that love and that acceptance, I think.

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within all that loneliness or lack of confidence, I think I found it hard to accept myself and felt like there was something wrong with me.

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But just had this encounter with Jesus where I just felt his full acceptance and love exactly of who I was and where I was at and how I was feeling.

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And so I'd say from that point, I think that's when I actually found that relationship with Jesus for myself.

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And looking back in my kind of time of growing up in church, I can see so many seeds were sown.

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Like I was very much looking back at the church.

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I can see I was aware of the presence of Jesus.

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So I had like moments of probably experiencing him.

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I got baptised when I was

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10 or 11.

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But I think it was that moment when I was 19, I was like, oh, this actually has shifted from something that I do or something that I've like inherited from my parents to something that is personal between me and Jesus.

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And so from on, I wouldn't say that, you know, from then on I was like, I was fine.

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I continued to struggle with some of that loneliness.

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I continued to

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struggle with some of that low self-esteem.

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I remember going to my first Sunday service without my friend Lydia and I had to get my mum to come and hang out with me all day because I was so anxious and nervous about going.

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So it was not that those things were removed straight away, but I think just Jesus became a bit of my lifeline.

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I remember that I began to just listen to worship music all the time, like even as I was going to sleep, I put on, yeah, worship music and just that was such a place of me experiencing his presence and experiencing his comfort.

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And over the course of time I got more involved in church.

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I basically lived at church, I think because I didn't find kind of home at uni or home in the home that I was living in, but church kind of became that home for me.

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Like I literally went to like every sort of ministry they ran, I was there and also receiving their free food.

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But I think that allowed me to, find that sense of home.

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And there's a scripture which I love, which says how Jesus and the Father, they put the lonely in family.

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And that's definitely been a testimony in my life that he's continued to always put, when I've had that kind of lonely season, he's put me in that family.

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And I think, yeah, church became that family for me.

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And so it was kind of where I spent all my time, to be honest, and through that made friendships and things like that.

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And so over the three years of uni, looking back, I think like the Lord was really patient with me.

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I think it was a process of learning more about him and what it is to follow him and understanding the Bible.

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Like I remember, I think over this first couple of years,

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just kind of delving into scripture a little bit.

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But it wasn't probably until my last year of university that I think things just took a bit of a step up in terms of just, I think, developing a love for him and also a real love for worship.

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I started to get involved with leading worship.

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They run this ministry for the street community on a Saturday and ended up getting involved with the worship then.

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And

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It was like amazing to be able to do that.

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It reminded me very much of like in the Bible, there's a bit where David plays the harp over Saul and Saul's like feeling inflicted and he's kind of having this really tough time.

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And as David plays the harp, it's like that those afflicted feelings or the kind of hardship or oppression that he was facing started to lift off.

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And it was very much, it felt like that when we got to lead worship and have these services for the street community

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coming with so many, so much brokenness and history of trauma and things like that.

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But for them to just find a space where, as we'd sing and lead worship, it was like just the presence of Jesus came in and like this peace that they could just like rest in.

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But yeah, I think the Lord really used that for me to just grow this heart of worship.

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I didn't even really, I don't think I really knew that the theology around it or like a deep understanding.

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All I knew is that when I'd think about

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Jesus or just like worshiping him, I got quite emotional.

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And I know that was, that's always an indicator for me when it's Jesus, because I was never a crier before.

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I would very much suppress all my feelings.

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But since I met Jesus, when I encountered the Holy Spirit and his love, I would always cry.

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And so sometimes I just think about, yeah, that kind of culture of worship and

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and Jesus and just feel quite emotional.

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And I also got my first opportunity in third year to do a preach and a talk.

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And I'd never, ever, ever thought about doing that in my life.

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Like I'd never had any aspirations for speaking or teaching, but I gave it a go and it felt like the Lord kind of used it.

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So I came to the end of uni, very much

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wanting to stay in Brighton, wanting to stay at church, but not seeing kind of a way to stay.

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But then I got approached to join the internship that they were doing at the time.

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So I ended up doing that and I got to work under the worship pastor doing that and continuing to kind of lean into doing worship stuff at the service for the street community on the weekend.

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And then after a term, that turned into actually having a part-time job.

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So running the whole

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ministry for the street community on a Saturday.

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And I was 22 at this point.

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And this was totally the Lord.

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And every time a Saturday came round and I had to run this whole thing, we had like 50 volunteers, we had sometimes over 100 of the street community coming in with all of these different issues.

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And I'm 22, I don't know how to deal with this.

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and we were so dependent on volunteers and the number coming in.

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And so I remember just every Saturday I'd literally have to get up and just spend time with Jesus because I was like, I am so out of my depth.

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I'm so out of my comfort zone.

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And I like in order for this kind of evening, this service to go well or make any difference, I am completely dependent on you, like bringing the volunteers, on you showing up and just bringing people around me to help me do it.

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And so I think in some ways, like I'm so thankful for him allowing me to do a job that completely fell out of my comfort zone because it made me have to like lean in and spend time with him and become so dependent on his presence and spending that time with him.

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And so yeah, I learned so much about just his faithfulness and him doing that, like him showing up and providing volunteers and him

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giving me people around me that were able to be able to kind of do things that I didn't maybe have so much knowledge in.

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And just again, to continue to experience that beautiful opportunity to see the street community encounter the presence of Jesus.

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And I'd say in that kind of year or so following when I was working, ended up working full time at the church, it was definitely a couple of years, I think, of the Lord just opening doors.

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So he continued to open doors for me to communicate and preach and to have more opportunities to kind of lead worship and stuff because leading worship was, I didn't feel super confident in that.

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I'm not like the best singer ever.

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But I loved it and I just, I love Jesus, so I just loved worshipping him.

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But yeah, he just kind of opened these doors and these opportunities and I've started to kind of explore ordination, so potentially becoming

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and a vicar and stuff.

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And there was one particular moment, which I guess it reminds me of that verse in the Bible where it says that God can do more than you could imagine or request.

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I remember reading a book, I think it's called The Circle Maker.

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And in this book, it's all about prayer.

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And in the book, this guy who writes it makes all of these lists of things that he prays for in his life.

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I remember one of the things I put down was basically there was this like week away that our church would go to where 5,000 to 7,000 people would kind of go on holiday together and join up with all other churches in the network.

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And I remember one of the things I wrote down was, preaching at this event, thinking in like 10 years time.

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And then literally a month later I get approached and I get asked to preach at that

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event at on the main stage.

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And I was like, this is wild.

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So I remember doing that and I had other opportunities at that event to do.

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I started getting into spoken word and stuff like that.

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And it felt I guess that shift of

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I always had this heart for worship, but God almost like kind of took that and actually put it more into like communicating and preaching.

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And it's not exactly what I thought I would do, but I think it's that is turned into worship.

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It's not necessarily like I sing songs, but maybe through that communication I can love him and things like that.

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But so I get to speak at this event and I'm so nervous and my mouth is so dry.

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I drink about like 10 bottles of water before I go on and even then my mouth is so, dry.

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So yeah, just having this amazing opportunity, like I'm 23 at this point and I'm, you know, getting to preach at this huge event, you know, that being a prayer for 10 years time, but he opens the door so early on.

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But what's really interesting is I remember so significantly, even like mid-preach as I'm talking,

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I just remember having this thought of like, okay, this is cool, but nothing compares to just spending time with Jesus alone.

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Like nothing compares to him, himself.

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Which I think, I guess at that point, just, yeah, I just remember him being like, okay, this is cool.

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Like he can open doors to like seemingly on paper, like really cool.

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successful maybe things, but nothing compares to just like having a relationship with Jesus alone, like you and him and his presence.

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So yeah, I had like these couple of years, I think, of doors opening, of experiencing all these amazing opportunities.

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And then really interestingly, straight after that summer, I actually felt like God was calling me to go on this church plant.

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So I went on this church plant to work with this team.

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And again, kind of went with these hopes or these thoughts of like, when you move to start a church plant, you're like, right, I'm in, we're doing this for years to come, right?

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But I moved and again, I just really struggled.

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I felt really disconnected from the role, from the place, from in some ways like the team I was working on.

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And I just went into this kind of bout again of just feeling really lonely.

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of really struggling with my mental health, just feeling really low all the time.

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I remember like being in meetings with my team and just like feeling like on the edge of what I could just cry at any point.

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And just, I think just experiencing all this struggle, I guess in some ways you might use the language of like I was probably just quite triggered or a lot of stuff that I hadn't dealt with from my childhood and kind of family dynamics was coming up.

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So when I was experiencing

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I guess being out of my comfort zone, going on this church plant and all of these new things, in hindsight, I think the Lord allowed me to go into something that was really hard because if I hadn't, I don't think I'd addressed the stuff that was coming up.

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And so yeah, it just got to a point where just nothing was really improving.

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And interestingly, I was continuing to explore like ordination and becoming a vicar and I potentially that year was going to start training.

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But I remember having a conversation with someone and they just said to me, you don't have to do it.

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And I was like, I don't have to do it.

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I didn't realise that was an option.

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But I just felt so much peace and joy about that decision of not doing it.

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So I decided that I decided to not pursue that.

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Again, just kind of my mental health was really low, really struggling, wasn't improving.

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And so

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About six to seven months in, the leader, the vicar that I was working with, who was a phenomenal guy, and in some ways I look back, again, this is the faithfulness of Jesus, was that the place that he allowed me to unravel almost, the place that he allowed me to just get to my kind of most broken self, was under leaders that were amazing, that really tried to help me.

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And this guy, this vicar, he actually said to me, you can go, like I can see that you being here is actually breaking you.

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So kind of giving me that permission to be like, you don't need to do this anymore.

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And I don't know how many people maybe would have done that, but I look back and I just see that his kindness of being like, we want you to be a part of this team, but actually you and where you're at and your mental health, like we care more about you and who you are than maybe those things that you bring in terms of the team and stuff.

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And so from that point, it kind of, I went on this whole

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crazy journey of going to different things.

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So through this vicar that I met, he introduced me to this amazing couple because he basically was seeing that I was having a tough time.

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So he was like, right, let's go get you some prayer.

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So I met this couple and they prayed for me and they were the ones who actually were like, how's your relationship with your parents?

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And I was like, yeah, there's probably something in that.

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So that helped me because that led me into

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pursuing like counselling and things like that, but they also said that we feel like God said to us that you're supposed to come and live with us.

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So I was like, okay, so I left this job, this church plant and I went straight to live with them.

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They lived in like the countryside.

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So I lived in their barn for like 2 1/2 weeks and they were also a part of this other church who were out in the sort of the countryside area.

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And the Lord's so kind because he used that time, I think, to do 2 things, I think, to bring a huge amount of healing, but also open my eyes to the Holy Spirit.

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So just being around this couple, like I've never met such Jesus-like people, like they just carried the Holy Spirit and just being around them was so healing to me.

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And at that point when I was there, I think, because I wasn't doing anything, like,

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so far in my life and my walk with Jesus, I'd always been either like studying or I had a job and he was very much attached to the job that I was doing.

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And I guess sometimes in life or when you work for church or any job, sometimes your value or your sense of worth or you feeling loved is wrapped up in what you do and what you can bring to the table or your giftings and things like that.

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But I was in a place, I wasn't doing anything.

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Like I was unemployed.

00:22:41 Speaker 1

Yeah, just not doing anything at all.

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But in that time, the Lord really spoke to me about a passage in the Bible where Jesus gets baptized.

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And when Jesus gets baptized, the Father says over him, like, you're my son, in whom I'm loved, and in whom I'm well pleased.

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But if you think about it, like when I read that passage, I was at that point, like Jesus hasn't actually done anything.

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Like he hadn't performed a miracle, he hadn't shared a sermon.

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Like all we know about him at that point was

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that he got lost when he was 12 and he was a carpenter and he was born.

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So that just really spoke to me because I think God got me into a place where I literally wasn't doing anything so that his love or his acceptance wasn't attached to anything I did and just had that same

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revelation for myself, like I literally don't have to do anything at all.

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And I'm so loved.

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Like he loves me and he's proud of me.

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And I often thought about like when parents have a baby, right?

00:23:38 Speaker 1

And when a baby is a baby, like all that baby does is like poo, scream and sleep.

00:23:43 Speaker 1

But yeah, parents are like obsessed.

00:23:45 Speaker 1

They're like, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:23:48 Speaker 1

And just

00:23:49 Speaker 1

I guess just had this real revelation.

00:23:51 Speaker 1

So where that head knowledge of like God's love really went into like a heart like healing.

00:23:56 Speaker 1

And I guess that, attached to some of, I guess, my relationship with my parents, with my dad.

00:24:03 Speaker 1

You know, sometimes our parents don't provide the love that we always need, especially when we're kids, they don't, because they're not perfect.

00:24:10 Speaker 1

They've got their baggage and their brokenness and their own trauma.

00:24:14 Speaker 1

But that was my experience is that I met a perfect father who loves me perfectly, who provides all the things that I maybe don't get from my own parents.

00:24:23 Speaker 1

But in encountering that and experiencing that, heals the broken parts that are maybe attached to broken relationships or broken parenting in some ways.

00:24:34 Speaker 1

And so there was, yeah, a lot of healing that happened when I was with those guys.

00:24:39 Speaker 1

And as I spent time with this team and at this church, like they just

00:24:44 Speaker 1

basically spoke about the Holy Spirit in a way that I'd never witnessed before.

00:24:48 Speaker 1

Like they, I guess learning the gifts of the Holy Spirit, so things like words of knowledge or healing and just learning more about that, maybe I'd kind of heard about but not really been around before.

00:25:00 Speaker 1

But I remember a really significant moment when spending time with them

00:25:06 Speaker 1

was they invited me to come on their basically like church team weekend away.

00:25:10 Speaker 1

And I'd been on other church kind of, you go off as a team and it's often about strategy or trying to work out what we're doing for the next year.

00:25:18 Speaker 1

And that's really good and really important.

00:25:20 Speaker 1

But I remember going with these guys and their whole point for that weekend was basically just to spend time with the Father.

00:25:28 Speaker 1

Like we had this exercise where basically we had to go and spend time with the Father, with God.

00:25:34 Speaker 1

and basically ask him, is there anything in my heart that you're willing to remove or heal?

00:25:41 Speaker 1

And in exchange, is there something that you kind of want to replace or say to me?

00:25:47 Speaker 1

And then we had to present it back to everyone in a creative way out of our comfort zone.

00:25:53 Speaker 1

So I remember I went off and, you know, I was kind of going through a lot of working out healing in terms of my own brokenness and

00:26:00 Speaker 1

stuff with my parents and things like that.

00:26:01 Speaker 1

So I knew what the Lord wanted to maybe speak to me about.

00:26:06 Speaker 1

And I decided to do a little spoken word.

00:26:08 Speaker 1

So it wasn't probably out of my comfort zone, but I was like, that actually feels actually a bit more in my comfort zone.

00:26:14 Speaker 1

So I'm just going to do that.

00:26:15 Speaker 1

And then the next day we all come together to share.

00:26:18 Speaker 1

And it's this beautiful time where people come and they're really vulnerable and sharing like the things that they feel like God was speaking to them about or the things that he wants to heal and doing it in these amazing like creative ways.

00:26:30 Speaker 1

And then at the end, everyone would like prophesy over people.

00:26:33 Speaker 1

So just sharing kind of what they feel like God wanted to say and sharing that encouragement.

00:26:38 Speaker 1

And I remember as people were going up, I remember getting this nudge, just this sense, I guess, from the Holy Spirit and practicing listening to his voice.

00:26:46 Speaker 1

And I just felt the Holy Spirit saying I had to go and dance.

00:26:50 Speaker 1

And I was like, absolutely not.

00:26:52 Speaker 1

I do not want to do that.

00:26:54 Speaker 1

So I get goes on and goes on and I'm like one of the last people.

00:26:57 Speaker 1

So I go up and I share the spoken word.

00:26:59 Speaker 1

I get the, words that they feel like God's saying.

00:27:02 Speaker 1

And then finally I am like, okay, I think I am supposed to dance.

00:27:07 Speaker 1

And we're outside at this point.

00:27:08 Speaker 1

It's a lovely summer's day.

00:27:09 Speaker 1

We're outside in the garden under this like tent teepee thing.

00:27:14 Speaker 1

And so I'm like, okay guys, I feel like God's asked me to, that I need to, I have to go and dance.

00:27:20 Speaker 1

So I get them all to start clapping and then I run out of the tent, I start jumping around and then I turn around and everyone has followed out and is dancing and jumping with me.

00:27:31 Speaker 1

And I think that was probably one of the most significant moments I've experienced of my life, of God using people to express his love for me.

00:27:40 Speaker 1

Because I went out, stepping out of my comfort zone, dancing, feeling like a fool and I turn around and everyone's doing it with me.

00:27:48 Speaker 1

And just that sense of like, that's what God's love looks like.

00:27:52 Speaker 1

when the Holy Spirit asks us to do stuff, it can feel out of our comfort zone or it can feel risky.

00:27:57 Speaker 1

But if I'd never have done that, if I'd never stepped out and danced, I would have never experienced that sense of love from those people.

00:28:04 Speaker 1

So I'm so glad that I did that and just had that moment of, wow, like they've got my back.

00:28:09 Speaker 1

Like they've not left me alone in this.

00:28:11 Speaker 1

They've like seen me taking the step and they've all come and done it with me.

00:28:16 Speaker 1

And so that was quite a profound 2 1/2 weeks spending time with them.

00:28:20 Speaker 1

And then straight after that, I got an invitation to go to Hong Kong because someone had dropped out from the internship at St.

00:28:29 Speaker 1

Peter's to go and spend time with this amazing lady called Jackie Pullinger who started a ministry many, many years ago where she just kind of helps people who have addiction and things like that.

00:28:42 Speaker 1

They come to faith and she runs a house to kind of

00:28:45 Speaker 1

help them get off drugs and that's all through like prayer and speaking in tongues and things like that.

00:28:50 Speaker 1

So a place opened up.

00:28:52 Speaker 1

So I got to go and we went out, I think for about two weeks and I'm going out, I'm high off of like the father's love.

00:28:58 Speaker 1

So I'm like, I don't need to strive.

00:29:00 Speaker 1

I'm not going to try and like put myself out there too much.

00:29:02 Speaker 1

I'm just going to go and enjoy it.

00:29:04 Speaker 1

So I did, but

00:29:06 Speaker 1

There was this moment where we got to do like outreach.

00:29:09 Speaker 1

So we went to a council estate in Hong Kong and I was paired up with one of their leaders and one of the teenagers as well that was there.

00:29:18 Speaker 1

And we end up going to a basketball court on the council estate and this guy loses his basketball and it bounces towards me.

00:29:27 Speaker 1

So I give it to him back.

00:29:28 Speaker 1

And of course he's like, what is this short white girl doing here?

00:29:32 Speaker 1

What are you doing here?

00:29:34 Speaker 1

So I explained why I was there and things like that.

00:29:37 Speaker 1

And he was a bit like, okay, that sounds interesting.

00:29:40 Speaker 1

Was about to go back to playing basketball.

00:29:42 Speaker 1

But then the leader and the teenager came along and they started to chat to him in Cantonese.

00:29:47 Speaker 1

So I don't know what they're saying or what's going on.

00:29:50 Speaker 1

So I'm just praying in my head, under my breath.

00:29:52 Speaker 1

I'm just praying that, you know, this guy meets for Jesus in some way.

00:29:56 Speaker 1

And then about 5, 10 minutes later, after they're speaking with him, they go to the side and

00:30:04 Speaker 1

just continue to like, it seems like they're praying for him.

00:30:07 Speaker 1

And so then that all wraps up and then we leave and the leader tells me that guy just actually gave his life to Jesus, that they shared the gospel with him and he said yes and that he wants to come to church on a Sunday.

00:30:19 Speaker 1

And I was just like blown away.

00:30:21 Speaker 1

I was like, wow, like look what the Lord can do.

00:30:25 Speaker 1

Like if you just give him, if you're willing and give him a bit of time, like he can meet anyone, anywhere.

00:30:31 Speaker 1

And so I had this real hunger to do more of that, but I just, I didn't know how.

00:30:39 Speaker 1

And so kind of moved back to Brighton again.

00:30:42 Speaker 1

I'm not doing anything.

00:30:43 Speaker 1

I'm just, I'm in counselling.

00:30:45 Speaker 1

I'm still working out a lot of my mental health stuff.

00:30:48 Speaker 1

I'm getting really triggered in friendships and trying to work that out because all my stuff has come to the surface and I get, I guess a lot of that.

00:30:58 Speaker 1

kind of to do with my family was because there was a lot of kind of chaos and arguments and anger in my household, my way of protecting myself would be to withdraw, would be to retreat and just like try and get away from it and kind of suppress all the negative feelings that I was experiencing.

00:31:17 Speaker 1

And so I think I was at probably the age of like 24 at this point, 23, 24.

00:31:22 Speaker 1

And I think I was just having to feel all the things that I hadn't allowed myself to feel for 24 years and having to process actually what those family relationships, some of those dynamics, what the narrative it taught me and how it made me feel.

00:31:38 Speaker 1

And so I was kind of just having to feel a lot, to be honest, a lot of tears, a lot of, I was meeting up with my dad regularly, a lot of tough conversations, a lot of just

00:31:50 Speaker 1

I'm yeah working through stuff but I think in that I got to learn like the Holy Spirit in the Bible it says the Holy Spirit is our counsellor.

00:31:59 Speaker 1

I mean in my experience of working through a lot of kind of past family trauma or things that I found really hard was learning that the Holy Spirit can kind of show you Jesus in moments that you feel like he wasn't there.

00:32:14 Speaker 1

So I think whenever we go through something tough or we go through

00:32:18 Speaker 1

really, really hard moment or, we can feel abandoned, we can feel lonely at that time because what we know about Jesus is that he loves us, that he's kind, that he's good, that he's faithful.

00:32:29 Speaker 1

But when it feels like those things aren't happening, so when it feels like maybe we don't feel loved in the moment or it feels like, yeah, his goodness didn't exist in a moment, it feels like he wasn't there.

00:32:40 Speaker 1

And so I guess learning the Holy Spirit, taking me back to things that were really hard, but showing me Jesus there, that he was there the whole time.

00:32:48 Speaker 1

and allowing me to hear his voice and hear what he says about me in those moments.

00:32:53 Speaker 1

And so, I was kind of just at the beginning of this journey of having a tough time, to be honest, of feeling low a lot.

00:33:01 Speaker 1

But in that, experiencing the presence of Jesus, in that experiencing, you know, Jesus that didn't, again, necessarily take everything away straight away, but he just comforted me in it.

00:33:12 Speaker 1

And again, doing counselling and stuff like that to help.

00:33:16 Speaker 1

But yeah, I was

00:33:18 Speaker 1

at this point where I wasn't doing anything, just living, going through all that stuff and trying to work out what do I do next?

00:33:24 Speaker 1

I don't know.

00:33:25 Speaker 1

But one of my friends, she had been over in Northern Ireland at a church and she'd kind of been a part of leading some worship and stuff there.

00:33:36 Speaker 1

And she told me that at this conference, they basically sent everybody out onto the streets to pray for people and share the gospel.

00:33:44 Speaker 1

And I was like, oh, I want to do more of that.

00:33:48 Speaker 1

So I looked into it, was praying about it and just felt like that was the next step that the Lord was leading me on.

00:33:53 Speaker 1

So I ended up going to Northern Ireland and joining this church and the kind of like school of ministry.

00:34:01 Speaker 1

So we'd get teaching on a Tuesday and then we'd go out on the streets on a Thursday and every week we'd be kind of taught different ways to kind of meet people on the streets, to communicate, to share the gospel, to pray for people, to practice the gifts of the Holy Spirit, of listening to God's voice.

00:34:17 Speaker 1

And so, I got to go and I got to move.

00:34:20 Speaker 1

And again, it was out of my comfort zone.

00:34:22 Speaker 1

Again, I was still in that place of working out a lot of my brokenness and my mental health, still being in a difficult place.

00:34:30 Speaker 1

But I think in hindsight, when I look back, it's so interesting because I was at a point in my life where what the plan was, to do ordination training and to become a vicar.

00:34:41 Speaker 1

But the Lord tore that plan up and instead,

00:34:44 Speaker 1

I went from one church to another, this church in the countryside, then I went to Hong Kong, then I moved back to Brighton, and then I moved to Northern Ireland.

00:34:52 Speaker 1

Like, that was not the plan that I had that year.

00:34:56 Speaker 1

But it's interesting because in that year, which was probably a lot of, yeah, me dealing with a lot of like tough mental health stuff, was also the year that I

00:35:05 Speaker 1

really learned so much about the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Holy Spirit and being able to step out in the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

00:35:13 Speaker 1

So there was just so many testimonies and stories of my time of like going out on the streets and stuff and practicing and listening to God's voice and sharing the gospel with people and then actually saying yes.

00:35:26 Speaker 1

And then they're being all kind of like, are you sure?

00:35:29 Speaker 1

Give me like unbelief that like, oh man, like when you,

00:35:32 Speaker 1

If you follow God's voice, like again, in any moment, if you're willing, like if you're sat in a cafe, if you're walking down a shopping st, like, you know, if you're anywhere, if you are open to God's voice and take that moment of feeling out of your comfort zone to step out and maybe talk to someone and pray for them or share the gospel or practice listening to words of knowledge or what God wants to say, like he can really meet anyone at any moment.

00:35:58 Speaker 1

And I think there's something about that I love because

00:36:01 Speaker 1

in order for anyone to believe in Jesus, that's nothing that we can do in our own strength.

00:36:06 Speaker 1

There's nothing in my ability or in my gifting to make that happen.

00:36:10 Speaker 1

It has to be the Holy Spirit.

00:36:12 Speaker 1

And so I think when doing that sort of stuff, it's such a moment of just being so dependent on the Holy Spirit to do those things.

00:36:22 Speaker 1

And so I'd say I probably had the most like transforming year of my life probably when I was in Northern Ireland of again, just had a counsellor out there working out, getting meeting with Jesus in profound ways for healing.

00:36:35 Speaker 1

Again, he put me in an amazing community of friends also doing that internship that was beautiful.

00:36:41 Speaker 1

And then again, just like learning more about Jesus and our identity and

00:36:46 Speaker 1

and what it is to be a son and a daughter of God and also just what Jesus has paid for on the cross.

00:36:52 Speaker 1

Like he has given us his spirit that he still heals and he still meets with people today.

00:36:58 Speaker 1

And so yeah, so I had that year and then that was coming to an end.

00:37:02 Speaker 1

But I had a really amazing kind of moments of faithfulness of God a couple of times towards my end of

00:37:09 Speaker 1

that time, because obviously I was an intern, I wasn't working, so I didn't have any like income at any point.

00:37:14 Speaker 1

But I remember just praying a prayer and being like, okay, God, I believe that by next week I'm going to have 500 pounds in my bank account.

00:37:20 Speaker 1

And then I kind of forgot about that prayer, I won't lie.

00:37:22 Speaker 1

And then the next week came around and I got a message from my mum and she said that she'd gone to see my grandma and that she'd given my mum some money.

00:37:33 Speaker 1

And then my mum said that she'd put some in my bank account.

00:37:35 Speaker 1

And I said, oh, how much?

00:37:36 Speaker 1

And she said, 500 pounds.

00:37:38 Speaker 1

And I know that's like from my grandma, but I was like, what an answer to prayer.

00:37:42 Speaker 1

Like literally I prayed that amount and he's popped it in my bank account.

00:37:47 Speaker 1

So there was like financial provision that way.

00:37:49 Speaker 1

And then I was going to move back to Brighton, but again, I didn't have an income.

00:37:52 Speaker 1

So in terms of like money that I had to pay rent, it was super, super low.

00:37:56 Speaker 1

But I just remembering having a prayer and just praying like, okay, by Friday, Lord, I need you to like provide somewhere to live.

00:38:03 Speaker 1

And then on that Friday, I had a message from one of my close friends saying, me and my husband just feel like you're supposed to come and live with us.

00:38:11 Speaker 1

So again, provision came through.

00:38:13 Speaker 1

I moved back to Brighton, moved in with them again.

00:38:16 Speaker 1

I'm like, what am I doing, Lord?

00:38:19 Speaker 1

Because up to that point, obviously, I'd had that year, at that time, I felt like God basically didn't require me to work.

00:38:26 Speaker 1

It was a time of doing nothing.

00:38:28 Speaker 1

And so I was like, are we doing that again?

00:38:29 Speaker 1

Because that would be nice.

00:38:30 Speaker 1

But I actually felt God be like, no, you have to actually try and get a job this time.

00:38:35 Speaker 1

So I ended up just getting a part-time job at a coffee shop.

00:38:38 Speaker 1

But I remember asking a question and just being like, okay, God, how can I still serve you?

00:38:43 Speaker 1

What have I got in my hands?

00:38:45 Speaker 1

So I ended up going to this park every Thursday and just trying to continue to, if I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to go up to someone and pray for them.

00:38:54 Speaker 1

So I continued to do that.

00:38:55 Speaker 1

And

00:38:56 Speaker 1

Through that, I kind of met a couple of people, would meet with the Martha for coffee, like one girl, I remember like giving her a Bible, getting her to come to Alpha and things like that.

00:39:05 Speaker 1

So that was really cool to...

00:39:07 Speaker 1

just see what I'd learned in Northern Ireland play out in somewhere in Brighton.

00:39:10 Speaker 1

That was kind of like my home, my hometown.

00:39:14 Speaker 1

But again, it was an important time of my life because I think I did struggle, like moving back in, working at a coffee shop part-time because all my friends were in full-time work.

00:39:25 Speaker 1

Like I had friends who were in full-time ministry, doing ordination, doing the vicar thing.

00:39:30 Speaker 1

And I think it was a really important time for me to realise, like, you can still serve God and it doesn't have to be your job.

00:39:38 Speaker 1

And I think, sometimes I think I felt like I did.

00:39:41 Speaker 1

Like I felt a bit of discouragement or disappointment because I would compare myself to others and kind of think like, oh, I'm just working at a coffee shop, even though that's a great job.

00:39:49 Speaker 1

But I think it wasn't where my friends were.

00:39:52 Speaker 1

And so I think with that comparison, it felt like I was like falling behind or maybe it wasn't good enough, but it was an important lesson actually.

00:39:59 Speaker 1

I needed to do that to know that actually to serve Jesus, it doesn't need to be your job.

00:40:03 Speaker 1

Like you can just pray and ask him.

00:40:08 Speaker 1

And he loves you, whatever your job is.

00:40:11 Speaker 1

And a time, I think something that really helped me in that season of my life was kind of a verse that I almost spoke over myself like a mantra was Psalm 23, where it says, like, the Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

00:40:26 Speaker 1

And so I think, yeah, a time where maybe a lot of comparison came in.

00:40:29 Speaker 1

And so when you compare yourself to others, you almost feel like you lack or you're not enough or what you're doing isn't enough.

00:40:37 Speaker 1

can tell you this kind of narrative that you lack something.

00:40:39 Speaker 1

So I just needed, I just clung on to that verse like, no, Jesus is my shepherd, I like nothing, like he can provide and give me everything that I need.

00:40:50 Speaker 1

So yeah, so I continued to work in this coffee shop job and then eventually I did feel like a keloid, I'm ready for like the thing out of my comfort zone.

00:40:58 Speaker 1

So I ended up

00:40:59 Speaker 1

working in a new job and this position as a coach where we work with young people to help them get into employment training and things like that.

00:41:08 Speaker 1

And it was such amazing timing because I got that job literally in February and like 3, two to four weeks later, COVID happened.

00:41:18 Speaker 1

And so the world shut down.

00:41:20 Speaker 1

But I was in this type of employment that meant that I could

00:41:24 Speaker 1

go on furlough and things like that and God provided.

00:41:28 Speaker 1

Whereas if I was still in that coffee shop job, maybe I wouldn't have had that.

00:41:32 Speaker 1

So again, just God's like faithfulness and his perfect timing and him, you know, taking care of us and things like that.

00:41:39 Speaker 1

So yeah, we have this time of lockdown or furlough and then kind of go back to work, work online.

00:41:48 Speaker 1

And again, as I say, I'm still working out a lot of stuff.

00:41:52 Speaker 1

Like when I move back to

00:41:54 Speaker 1

to Brighton from Northern Ireland.

00:41:55 Speaker 1

It was a bit like, if anyone's ever had it, of when you move home after uni, like you feel like you've gone off and you've learned and you've grown and then you come back into your home life and you're like, oh, I don't feel like I'm that person anymore or, you know, so I think I actually found that transition really hard of just trying to figure out myself back in that community or back in Brighton when it felt like I'd grown and had all of these experiences.

00:42:20 Speaker 1

And again, just still mental health stuff.

00:42:23 Speaker 1

being tricky, feeling triggered with friendships, trying to work all of those things out and just continuing to find healing in Jesus and him just meeting me in all of that.

00:42:32 Speaker 1

And again, picking up counselling when I needed to.

00:42:35 Speaker 1

And I think like a really significant moment for me, I guess in that time over COVID, as I remember having a conversation with Jesus when I was feeling, just again, just having a really hard time.

00:42:46 Speaker 1

And it did, because this is probably like,

00:42:48 Speaker 1

this is probably like two years in of kind of feeling like this on and off, just having to work through a lot of stuff.

00:42:56 Speaker 1

And so it felt like never ending.

00:42:58 Speaker 1

It kind of felt like this is just what my life's going to be.

00:43:00 Speaker 1

Like I just, I am just always going to have that, I have a tough time.

00:43:05 Speaker 1

And I remember having that conversation with the Lord and just being like, it just feels like, yeah, like this is never ending.

00:43:12 Speaker 1

And I remember just the Holy Spirit giving me this picture of

00:43:18 Speaker 1

of when I was little.

00:43:19 Speaker 1

So when I was little, I spent a lot of time at my granddad and my grandma's, at their house and in their garden.

00:43:25 Speaker 1

I played like cricket a lot in the back garden.

00:43:28 Speaker 1

I remember seeing myself playing cricket and like that, that's that kind of my grandma, my granddad's house definitely signified for me when I was younger, somewhere that felt safe and somewhere that felt peaceful, somewhere that I enjoyed and had fun and showed me playing cricket.

00:43:43 Speaker 1

And then I just saw almost like the father, God,

00:43:47 Speaker 1

just there and just like loving me, enjoying myself and just felt him be like, your joy is important to me.

00:43:55 Speaker 1

Like he loves, he loves me enjoying things and he just him being like, you are going through this tough stuff because I'm healing you, because I care about your joy.

00:44:06 Speaker 1

Because, you know, he wants, Jesus paid for something on the cross, right?

00:44:10 Speaker 1

Like his blood has covered all our guilt, all our shame.

00:44:14 Speaker 1

And I guess that's something that I've really learned over time and, over like a 10, 11 year period, I think I had about 8 jobs and I moved 17 times.

00:44:24 Speaker 1

And so it's this very nomadic life.

00:44:28 Speaker 1

But within that, I think it meant that Jesus had to become my home.

00:44:31 Speaker 1

And also I learned that Jesus cares a lot more about who we're becoming than what we're doing.

00:44:37 Speaker 1

Because, you know, he definitely has like a calling and a purpose for our life.

00:44:42 Speaker 1

But sometimes I think we can get a bit, I know I can, I got fixated on what I'm doing.

00:44:47 Speaker 1

Like what I, my job is, my vocation has to be impressive or like what I do.

00:44:50 Speaker 1

But Jesus is so much more interested in your healing and in your freedom.

00:44:56 Speaker 1

And that was my experience was like he was, he, you know, he, wanted to address the stuff that I hadn't addressed yet.

00:45:02 Speaker 1

He wanted to, he wanted to heal and set me free from strongholds of loneliness, of unforgiveness, of

00:45:11 Speaker 1

not knowing how to process or feel because he's a God that feels, like Jesus, like he wept, like Jesus felt deeply and that being okay to feel deeply and learning how to feel those things with him, of him giving me permission to feel things, of him meeting me and that and being like, yeah, I know that, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

00:45:31 Speaker 1

And so yeah, I think just learning an overall lesson that like Jesus is so much more interested in who we're becoming and setting us free.

00:45:40 Speaker 1

than what we do.

00:45:42 Speaker 1

He's not caught up in that, even though I think in the world we can get a bit caught up in that and what job we're doing or being impressive that way.

00:45:51 Speaker 1

But Jesus is so much more concerned in, I guess, and just you knowing him and having a relationship with him.

00:45:58 Speaker 1

And that's definitely like things that I learned over that period of time.

00:46:04 Speaker 1

And so I'd say probably that kind of mental health journey of working stuff out went on for I think an overall period of about 3 1/2 years of working that stuff out until I remember kind of a summer just settling.

00:46:19 Speaker 1

And since then things are still hard, but it's almost like an analogy I have is, sometimes with stuff in our lives or mental health, it's like

00:46:28 Speaker 1

it's like it hits us to the floor and then we stay down there.

00:46:30 Speaker 1

So things used to affect me and it would really affect me and make me feel low for a long period of time for weeks or months.

00:46:38 Speaker 1

Whereas now things do affect me but it's like it only maybe affects me now for like a few days or a week because I know Jesus in a certain way.

00:46:45 Speaker 1

I know how to...

00:46:46 Speaker 1

to get to him, to know what I need to talk to him about it or for him to help me with it, or just a lot of stuff that has healed already.

00:46:54 Speaker 1

So you kind of learn those tools and things that you need.

00:46:56 Speaker 1

And you know, he can use things like counselling and other stuff, like really practical stuff, like, you know, go out, get outside, like all these really practical things that can help our mental health and wellbeing.

00:47:06 Speaker 1

But ultimately, freedom is found in Jesus.

00:47:08 Speaker 1

And that's definitely what I found.

00:47:12 Speaker 1

And so yeah, that kind of 3 1/2 year period came to an end.

00:47:16 Speaker 1

And then, I was, I heard about a job again at St Peter's where I used to work to become a student pastor and just felt such a calling to go for it and just felt like God really spoke to me about that and that generation.

00:47:33 Speaker 1

So I ended up getting that job.

00:47:35 Speaker 1

And I remember the first morning

00:47:41 Speaker 1

where we were going to have a meeting about the student ministry, I remember asking like, God, what do you want to do with this generation of like 18 to 25 year olds?

00:47:49 Speaker 1

What is it that you're doing?

00:47:51 Speaker 1

And I just heard him say, I'm raising up a Joshua generation.

00:47:54 Speaker 1

And I guess what that means is that in Exodus, in the Old Testament, it talks about Moses and Moses set the Israelites free from slavery, but when it came to them stepping into the promised land, they didn't because they grumbled, they were fearful and things like that.

00:48:10 Speaker 1

But the Joshua generation, God rose up a new generation through Joshua and they did step into the promised land.

00:48:15 Speaker 1

And so I guess it was just a sense like God doing something significant in Gen Z, I guess, that meant that they would go further than

00:48:23 Speaker 1

generations before.

00:48:25 Speaker 1

And so I just got the privilege of kind of running the student ministry and just seeing this God doing profound stuff with young people like them really, like just loving Jesus for him and him alone.

00:48:39 Speaker 1

Because I was a student at a church in a church ministry once and I guess what I saw a lot of was a lot of people I knew or friends I knew fall away from faith.

00:48:49 Speaker 1

And looking back, I wonder if, things happen in life.

00:48:52 Speaker 1

We get disappointed, discouraged, we face tricky things.

00:48:55 Speaker 1

And there's so many reasons why people might fall away from Jesus.

00:48:58 Speaker 1

But I think what I reflected on is that I wonder if, I feel like when I was a young person, maybe we had more of a relationship with church and with community than having that personal relationship with Jesus ourselves.

00:49:09 Speaker 1

But I guess what I'm seeing differently with Gen Z is that they are actually having that personal relationship with Jesus.

00:49:14 Speaker 1

And that's actually just what they want.

00:49:16 Speaker 1

They don't want any other faff.

00:49:18 Speaker 1

They don't want us trying to advertise Jesus.

00:49:22 Speaker 1

They don't want us to try and convict, like they don't need us to try and advertise him or make him look cool.

00:49:28 Speaker 1

Or just maybe sometimes we can do that.

00:49:30 Speaker 1

Like they just so want the real deal.

00:49:33 Speaker 1

And so through that, yeah, just got to run this ministry for a couple of years of just seeing this generation love Jesus, get set free from him.

00:49:41 Speaker 1

I saw people get set free from nightmares, from depression, anxiety.

00:49:46 Speaker 1

There's testimonies of, we had small groups, so these students would meet in their homes and one girl saying yes to Jesus in the bathroom because someone going to share the gospel with her, a testimony of someone praying for somebody's, I think it was their ankle or their knee, and the healing didn't happen straight away, but the next day they were completely healed.

00:50:06 Speaker 1

And just so experiencing so much of like God at work at Jesus at work.

00:50:10 Speaker 1

And then kind of after like a year or so into that role,

00:50:15 Speaker 1

I was just spending time with Jesus and I just heard him say, basically talk to me about stepping away from this ministry, which I was confused by because I was like having a great time and I was loving this job and felt really cool to this generation, but just felt him say this really kind of weird phrase.

00:50:32 Speaker 1

I felt him say basically about stepping away when the skies go dark.

00:50:36 Speaker 1

And I was like, okay, it was this was in the summer.

00:50:39 Speaker 1

So I was like, when does the skies go dark?

00:50:40 Speaker 1

That's kind of winter time.

00:50:43 Speaker 1

And so

00:50:44 Speaker 1

Unfortunately, in November of that year, when it was going into winter, I found out that I was being made redundant from that job.

00:50:53 Speaker 1

But God was so kind to give me a heads up, because when I had that conversation about being made redundant, I was like, oh, you are totally in this.

00:51:01 Speaker 1

Like, you are, you're shutting the door.

00:51:03 Speaker 1

Like, I don't have a choice.

00:51:05 Speaker 1

You said about leaving and you're making it quite clear.

00:51:09 Speaker 1

And so, yeah, he kind of shut the door.

00:51:11 Speaker 1

on that, which meant, again, I was without a job.

00:51:16 Speaker 1

So I began trying to discern and push on doors and figure out what the Lord wanted me to do.

00:51:22 Speaker 1

And then a really cool, another just testimony of what the Lord can do and what God does is, yeah, I was trying to figure out what to do next.

00:51:31 Speaker 1

And I'd been attending a different church called St.

00:51:34 Speaker 1

Richard's of the time, just going there thinking it was like on an interim basis until God takes me on to do the next thing.

00:51:40 Speaker 1

But at the time, he'd been really speaking to me through Ephesians 3, 14 to 21, where it talks about, being rooted and established in God's love and how deep, how wide, how long, how high, that verse.

00:51:51 Speaker 1

And one Sunday, the morning before I went to St Richard's, I felt God say, read that passage again.

00:51:57 Speaker 1

So I was like, okay.

00:51:59 Speaker 1

So I ended up going to the service

00:52:02 Speaker 1

And in the service, in the worship anyway, I'm really encountering Jesus and I start crying and weeping because I just feel like he actually is being like, stay here, be a part of this church.

00:52:11 Speaker 1

And again, just to continue, I think even more healing in my life of some stuff that had been tricky.

00:52:19 Speaker 1

So yeah, be here.

00:52:20 Speaker 1

But then the guy who was speaking that day, his preach was on Ephesians 3, 14 to 21.

00:52:26 Speaker 1

So it wasn't the exact passage that God had given me that morning.

00:52:29 Speaker 1

So that was such confirmation.

00:52:32 Speaker 1

So I knew that was where I needed to be, but I needed to find somewhere to live, a job, and I didn't have that.

00:52:37 Speaker 1

So I moved home to be with my parents for a good few months.

00:52:41 Speaker 1

And that was a really tricky time because I think so far in my life of following God, I'd always felt his presence really tangibly, or I'd always felt such a clear sense of where he was going or where he was taking me or what he was doing.

00:52:58 Speaker 1

But this was a point where I literally had no clue.

00:53:01 Speaker 1

I did not know.

00:53:01 Speaker 1

I knew I had the church part, but in terms of a job or stuff like that, I literally had no idea what to do.

00:53:08 Speaker 1

And I didn't feel like he told me either.

00:53:11 Speaker 1

And so I really struggled with that because I think I felt like not feeling God's nearness was like I'd done something wrong.

00:53:19 Speaker 1

Like I'd let him down in some way.

00:53:21 Speaker 1

Like I'd maybe gone wrong somewhere.

00:53:23 Speaker 1

That's why he wasn't close and wasn't really telling me.

00:53:28 Speaker 1

And interestingly, through that period of time, I was reading through the book of Job, which is about this guy in the Bible who experiences basically all the good stuff in his life is taken away.

00:53:38 Speaker 1

He's really ill and suffering.

00:53:41 Speaker 1

He's just going through loads of suffering and he doesn't understand it and he doesn't get it and he doesn't feel like God's giving him any answers.

00:53:48 Speaker 1

So it's interesting, I was reading that alongside kind of feeling like that.

00:53:52 Speaker 1

And

00:53:53 Speaker 1

And through that, actually, again, with the mental health thing, there was a point where I actually started to feel this real oppression and real, just real low mood and just lack of motivation and things like that.

00:54:07 Speaker 1

And I wasn't really like going to church at that point, but my mum and dad invited me to go to the church that they were going to.

00:54:13 Speaker 1

And I just like, it felt like such a struggle to go and get there.

00:54:16 Speaker 1

I think I was just like, just feeling really sorry for myself, honestly, and just having, yeah,

00:54:21 Speaker 1

just being like, okay, I'm going to go.

00:54:23 Speaker 1

But it was really interesting because as I went to the church service with my mum and dad, it was like these like intrusive thoughts got really loud of really like self kind of hatred kind of thoughts.

00:54:36 Speaker 1

And when that happened, I was like, that doesn't sound like me.

00:54:38 Speaker 1

That doesn't sound right.

00:54:40 Speaker 1

And so I just stood at the back of the service just feeling, again, just feeling really low.

00:54:45 Speaker 1

And then this lady comes up to me and she just was like, I feel like God's

00:54:50 Speaker 1

wants to say something to you and just really spoke into my life and talked about like God's word being a real encouragement and things like that.

00:54:58 Speaker 1

And just like so kind of God to just speak to this random lady to be like, I want to encourage you and meet you today.

00:55:05 Speaker 1

And she also spoke to my parents was like, I think maybe your daughter's under a bit of like spiritual attack or something.

00:55:12 Speaker 1

And so we get home and I'm like, I ask my parents, can you actually pray for me?

00:55:15 Speaker 1

Because I do think like I'm getting these thoughts and stuff.

00:55:18 Speaker 1

They're just doing, these are not my thoughts.

00:55:21 Speaker 1

And so my mum starts to pray for me and she's praying and speaking in tongues.

00:55:26 Speaker 1

And I just have this encounter with Jesus where basically he kind of reveals to me that I'd like made an agreement with a lie that I had let him down.

00:55:37 Speaker 1

And it was free making that agreement with almost like agreeing and saying yes and believing that lie that I had let him down had led me into this kind of this oppression.

00:55:47 Speaker 1

And I had this encounter where I saw Jesus like take almost like it looked like a snake off of me.

00:55:53 Speaker 1

I guess I think about that of like the snake in the Bible in Genesis where he's like speaking lies to Adam and Eve.

00:55:59 Speaker 1

And he just like breaks the snake.

00:56:01 Speaker 1

And it was literally this oppression just lifted off of me.

00:56:04 Speaker 1

And I'd never actually experienced that before where like being like delivered in a moment or Jesus like just healing me in a moment.

00:56:12 Speaker 1

But he just completely removed it and it was completely gone.

00:56:16 Speaker 1

And I was just like, wow, like, yeah, because I'd never experienced that before.

00:56:20 Speaker 1

So I guess it's interesting because he can do both.

00:56:24 Speaker 1

Like sometimes when we go through tough stuff and suffering, he can remove it in a moment and he can heal.

00:56:29 Speaker 1

And when he does that, for me, it raises my faith and I'm like, wow, Jesus is real.

00:56:34 Speaker 1

But I also previously had that experience of 3 1/2 years where he didn't do that.

00:56:39 Speaker 1

But the gift of that 3 1/2 years was knowing Jesus in such a greater way, of knowing, having such a deeper relationship and intimacy with him, of knowing his comfort, of knowing his love in such a profound way.

00:56:50 Speaker 1

That really, like, that changed the game in terms of my relationship with Jesus.

00:56:55 Speaker 1

Like, I don't, if I hadn't have gone through that 3 1/2,

00:56:57 Speaker 1

tough period of time, I would not know Jesus like I do today or love him like I do today.

00:57:04 Speaker 1

And so in terms of like sometimes when he doesn't take away things straight away, I think it's because it's an opportunity for your faith to really be rooted and grounded in good soil with him so that he does become like your foundation.

00:57:16 Speaker 1

So I guess I've had both and I think God uses them in different ways.

00:57:22 Speaker 1

And so yeah, so then eventually I did find the job.

00:57:25 Speaker 1

The one job

00:57:27 Speaker 1

description that actually resonated in my spirit, I guess, or resonated with me.

00:57:32 Speaker 1

And that enabled me this job to work at a university, working again with Gen Z, with students mostly, helping them with their mental health and their wellbeing.

00:57:42 Speaker 1

And that allowed me to move back to Brighton, get involved in St Richard's.

00:57:46 Speaker 1

And interestingly, like the first sort of 10, 11 years of following Jesus was quite intense.

00:57:51 Speaker 1

Like I would describe it as, you know, either being maybe on the mountaintops, like

00:57:56 Speaker 1

opening doors to these amazing experiences, amazing opportunities, and experiencing the Holy Spirit in really amazing ways, but also being in the pit of like having to go through really tough stuff, working things out my mental health.

00:58:08 Speaker 1

And then kind of moving back to Brighton, going into this job, I think the Lord just basically was like, have a steady time.

00:58:19 Speaker 1

And these kind of last two years,

00:58:22 Speaker 1

of that time has, I think, just him giving me time to enjoy myself.

00:58:27 Speaker 1

And through that, I found a love that I had for when I was little.

00:58:31 Speaker 1

So like playing football, watching football.

00:58:34 Speaker 1

And, you know, Jesus, I think, uses all of those things.

00:58:37 Speaker 1

He uses our life when it feels like we're on the mountaintop, when we feel like we're in the pit, when we feel like we're in the mundane and the steady.

00:58:43 Speaker 1

Because in all of these different situations and experiences, we get to learn about him.

00:58:49 Speaker 1

and what it is to follow Him and what it is to know Him.

00:58:52 Speaker 1

And so my walk with Jesus has been quite intense.

00:58:56 Speaker 1

As I said, moving around, having different jobs all the time, going through a lot of different things.

00:59:03 Speaker 1

But it's also Him and His kindness to be like, hey, come and know me when things are quite steady.

00:59:08 Speaker 1

Come and know me when you're having like quite a nice time.

00:59:13 Speaker 1

You're getting to do things that you enjoy.

00:59:15 Speaker 1

And I guess that goes to show as well, like,

00:59:17 Speaker 1

Jesus really cares about our joy and he really cares about the things that we delight in.

00:59:25 Speaker 1

And so I guess that kind of brings me up to now.

00:59:29 Speaker 1

So that's a bit of my kind of walk with Jesus over the years and what I've learned about him and what he's doing.

00:59:37 Speaker 1

And I guess moving forward now, he's still giving me that heart for Gen Z and whenever this goes out, I know that

00:59:45 Speaker 1

people talking about the quiet revival, like God is really doing something in that generation.

00:59:49 Speaker 1

So I still feel called, like I just want to give my life to help that generation go further and to just live in everything that Jesus wants for them.

00:59:57 Speaker 1

So whatever that looks like, I don't know.

01:00:00 Speaker 1

And at this point, because of the sort of nomadic life that I have with the Lord, I give him a year at a time and then we check in and then we're like, all right, what do we do next?

01:00:10 Speaker 1

And I guess in that as well, because of that nomadic life so far, like

01:00:15 Speaker 1

I guess just another thing of a testimony of, I'm in my early 30s now, I'm still single, I'm not settled down with a family.

01:00:22 Speaker 1

And maybe especially in the Christian world, most of my friends are married with kids and stuff like that.

01:00:27 Speaker 1

And so again, sometimes comparison comes in and it can produce this narrative of lack or you're not where you should be.

01:00:33 Speaker 1

But Jesus really does satisfy and Jesus can be exactly what you need.

01:00:39 Speaker 1

And he can meet you in that place of

01:00:42 Speaker 1

things that you desire or want.

01:00:44 Speaker 1

And it's not that that's a bad thing, but he can just satisfy and he can bring you purpose and give you that sense of love or significance or yeah, things like that.

01:00:56 Speaker 1

So I guess my life where I'm at compared to a lot of people maybe is a bit different to some.

01:01:02 Speaker 1

It might not be different at all, but I think just a testimony again of like Jesus is sufficient and he calls himself the bridegroom.

01:01:10 Speaker 1

Like he is

01:01:12 Speaker 1

He is our beloved, like he is our best friend.

01:01:15 Speaker 1

And in all the things that maybe I don't have that other people do or the walk that he's led me on, like I'm so thankful for it.

01:01:23 Speaker 1

Because again, I wouldn't know him like I do now.

01:01:25 Speaker 1

In all the hardship or in all the pain, it's made me run to him.

01:01:28 Speaker 1

And because of that, I know him more.

01:01:30 Speaker 1

And I know that he's just the best person I've ever met.

01:01:33 Speaker 1

And he's the best person I could ever know.

01:01:37 Speaker 1

And there is no one like him.

01:01:38 Speaker 1

There's no one better than him.

01:01:40 Speaker 1

Like he is

01:01:41 Speaker 1

just, the best.

01:01:44 Speaker 1

And I think because of that, I truly believe he is the way, the truth of life, that he is the son of God, that he died for us, that he forgave us of our sins, that he overcame, that he is alive and he's coming back again.

01:01:57 Speaker 1

And he is our healer, he is our redeemer, he is our restorer.

01:02:01 Speaker 1

And I've seen that in my life, like,

01:02:03 Speaker 1

I spoke about the football, like that's something I do with my dad now and our relationship is like, has come on leaps and bounds.

01:02:10 Speaker 1

There's been so much healing with him and how he is and my mum and my family.

01:02:14 Speaker 1

There's been so much restoration and it's his goodness that he's like given this thing that me and my dad both love.

01:02:20 Speaker 1

So we talk to each other all the time.

01:02:21 Speaker 1

Like that was such a broken relationship and such a tough relationship and now it's one of restoration and forgiveness and friendship.

01:02:30 Speaker 1

So he is good.

01:02:32 Speaker 1

Sometimes the way the Lord works doesn't happen overnight, but if you just keep following him and keep pursuing him, like deliverance, restoration, freedom, healing is the end of the story.

01:02:41 Speaker 1

Just sometimes it might take a bit of time.

01:02:45 Speaker 1

So yeah, I'll finish with that.

01:02:48 Speaker 2

That's awesome.

01:02:49 Speaker 2

Thanks, Holly.

01:02:49 Speaker 2

You're such a natural.

01:02:50 Speaker 2

I had some questions popping up and then you just answered them anyway.

01:02:53 Speaker 2

So it's like now I've got not many.

01:02:55 Speaker 2

But I would love to hear more from

01:02:59 Speaker 2

We're chatting about it in the car on the way here, a little bit more about how you feel God is moving in Gen Z, because we're seeing it, and I'd love to hear what your take on it is, what you're seeing, because we are seeing so many young men in particular come to Jesus.

01:03:13 Speaker 1

Yeah.

01:03:14 Speaker 2

And I'm just excited to talk to you about it.

01:03:16 Speaker 1

Yeah, for sure.

01:03:16 Speaker 1

Yeah, I guess like I think when I had that word from God about like the Joshua generation thing, that was maybe like back in 2021,

01:03:24 Speaker 1

So I think we got to see that.

01:03:27 Speaker 1

I think it is just this like zealousness and this hunger and thirst for the real thing and for the presence of Jesus.

01:03:34 Speaker 1

Like they just, and authenticity, I think, to just be like, this is Jesus.

01:03:41 Speaker 1

And so there is this, yeah, zealousness and this hunger.

01:03:44 Speaker 1

And I

01:03:46 Speaker 1

Yeah, I think the Lord's just on the move.

01:03:48 Speaker 1

Like there's so many testimonies I've heard about of, I think particularly guys actually like encountering Jesus in their room and they have no faith background and they maybe haven't heard about the Lord much before, but they just seem, they have a dream or they have an encounter and then they're coming to church.

01:04:03 Speaker 1

And I think just, I think people just turning up and it feels like, I think the Lord's just on the move.

01:04:10 Speaker 1

And I think, I guess our role as the church is just to be available to catch them and to disciple them and to love them and to just facilitate a space for what the Lord's doing.

01:04:20 Speaker 1

And I guess through that word of the Joshua generation, there's I think there's a lot in that story that we can learn from that.

01:04:27 Speaker 1

I think about Joshua, there's a verse where Moses and him were in the tent of meetings where the presence of God was and Moses left, but it says that Joshua lingered.

01:04:37 Speaker 1

And at that time,

01:04:38 Speaker 1

Israel had depended on Moses for knowing God, but Joshua learnt to know God for himself.

01:04:44 Speaker 1

And I think that's something I'm seeing that's different is like, they really want to know Jesus for themselves.

01:04:51 Speaker 1

And also with the presence of God, like they linger, like they don't want to rush, like they want the presence of Jesus.

01:04:56 Speaker 1

So they like, they're just hungry for it.

01:05:00 Speaker 1

They want to like stay in it, they want to linger in it.

01:05:02 Speaker 1

Whereas maybe sometimes in church or

01:05:06 Speaker 1

in our culture, it's been like, okay, his presence is here, but let's move on to this thing that we have planned.

01:05:11 Speaker 1

But I think they're a generation that just want to go where he's going and stuff like that.

01:05:16 Speaker 1

So yeah, there's just a real...

01:05:17 Speaker 1

And I think there's an acceleration as well.

01:05:19 Speaker 1

Like I think in my own walk with Jesus, like what maybe took me like a few years to understand or have get or have revelation of, they're like getting it in a year or like they're just things that are like.

01:05:29 Speaker 2

Yeah, I think that too.

01:05:30 Speaker 2

We were just sitting and we just chanted to Brandon in the guy before you and he was just saying stuff, I was like, how do you know all this though?

01:05:36 Speaker 2

It's like, it's like, because I actually had a word from God that the blind eyes will be able to see.

01:05:43 Speaker 2

And I don't think it's necessarily physical, although I do think it's physical too, but I think it's spiritual.

01:05:48 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:05:48 Speaker 2

And I'm seeing people really seeing spiritually what's going on in life and the world.

01:05:52 Speaker 1

Yeah, for sure.

01:05:53 Speaker 2

And they're young as well.

01:05:54 Speaker 2

Yeah.

01:05:54 Speaker 2

So they've got, no years behind them, but they're seeing like they seem like they're 50 or something.

01:05:59 Speaker 1

Yeah, I know.

01:06:00 Speaker 1

I think it's that it's this like, yeah, acceleration of like understanding or even like healing, like their own kind of walk with the Lord.

01:06:06 Speaker 1

Like they're getting sorting stuff out quicker with him or yeah, they're just their understanding and.

01:06:12 Speaker 1

Yeah, for sure.

01:06:13 Speaker 1

Yeah, I think there's such a like purity on them.

01:06:16 Speaker 1

Like they just, yeah, they just want.

01:06:18 Speaker 1

Yeah, the real deal.

01:06:20 Speaker 1

So I guess it's like, I think it's just us not getting in the way of it or not trying to overmanage it and just like let the Lord do what he wants to do.

01:06:29 Speaker 1

But I think it is like, but he needs us all.

01:06:31 Speaker 1

And something which I loved about when I ran the like student stuff is we had such an intergenerational team.

01:06:37 Speaker 1

So we had like people in their 50s

01:06:40 Speaker 1

60s, 30s, because they, I think it's so important for young people to have people who have walked with Jesus for 20, 30 years.

01:06:50 Speaker 1

Because I think that's something my prayer anyway, is like this thing that we're seeing, so all these like young people coming to faith, like Jesus doesn't want that just for now, like he wants all of them to be walking with him in 50 years.

01:07:01 Speaker 1

So it's like, how do we, I guess, pray or disciple in such a way

01:07:06 Speaker 1

that it isn't just this fleeting moment in time, that it is sustained, that it is deepened.

01:07:11 Speaker 1

And like, because that's the reality of following Jesus, as he said, there will be trouble, like there is tough stuff and suffering.

01:07:18 Speaker 1

So what happens then if Jesus doesn't give you everything that you thought you would have?

01:07:23 Speaker 1

Or like, or your life looks different than you thought and discouragement or disappointment comes in, how do you still keep following him and knowing him that?

01:07:31 Speaker 1

I guess those moments which I think could easily make someone turn away from him.

01:07:36 Speaker 1

So I think it's just like, how do we disciple them so that they keep following him in the tough times.

01:07:41 Speaker 1

But yeah, it's beautiful to see what God's doing.

01:07:44 Speaker 1

And he is just doing it, I think, throughout the UK and across the world.

01:07:48 Speaker 1

And it's not attached, I think we were saying earlier, it's not attached to like a church or a person.

01:07:53 Speaker 1

Whereas often like moves of the spirit before or like revivals, you might say, sometimes has been attached to like a place or a person.

01:08:01 Speaker 1

It's not this time.

01:08:02 Speaker 2

I know that.

01:08:02 Speaker 2

God said it's happening in the church.

01:08:04 Speaker 1

Yeah.

01:08:05 Speaker 2

Like it's going to happen.

01:08:06 Speaker 2

I had a vision from God like two years ago and he said it's going to be a revival and it's going to be the church.

01:08:12 Speaker 2

And there's a lot to that.

01:08:13 Speaker 2

I will say that another day.

01:08:14 Speaker 2

But like it was just.

01:08:16 Speaker 2

just mad, I could just see, because it's going to be, this is just the beginning.

01:08:19 Speaker 2

It's not even the beginning, this is like just little signs.

01:08:22 Speaker 2

Like this is going to be huge.

01:08:24 Speaker 2

People are going to come flooding to Jesus, I can tell you.

01:08:26 Speaker 1

Yeah, it's just going to keep growing, I think.

01:08:28 Speaker 2

It's going to keep growing.

01:08:29 Speaker 2

Is there anything that God's telling you that you want to share with us?

01:08:32 Speaker 2

Like that you think, like is God giving you any kind of information that we should know how?

01:08:37 Speaker 2

Because I feel like you obviously have your quiet time with Jesus because you were saying about it.

01:08:40 Speaker 2

So what's he telling you that you could share though?

01:08:42 Speaker 2

I understand if you can't share it.

01:08:43 Speaker 1

Yeah, No, yeah, I don't know.

01:08:45 Speaker 1

I think like so far in my life, as I've spoken about, he's like called me into doing different things and different places.

01:08:53 Speaker 1

I remember at one point, it's kind of around COVID where I remember reading one of the letters in Revelation where it kind of says where Jesus speaks to a church and he's like, well done for doing all of these things for me, but you have forgotten that first love for me.

01:09:07 Speaker 1

And I felt like that was a little bit for maybe the Western church, a little bit at the time of like, we're really good at doing all of this stuff.

01:09:13 Speaker 1

Like we have all our ministries or like things that we do for him that he really loves, but what he really wants is first love.

01:09:19 Speaker 1

He wants, like he wants us to know him deeply and have that first love for him.

01:09:24 Speaker 1

So I think that's something he's been wanting to do.

01:09:27 Speaker 1

And I think, yeah, and again, just, yeah, I think this Gen Z thing, I think that's the thing I still feel called to and feel like I have a heart for.

01:09:33 Speaker 1

It's something he hasn't shifted.

01:09:36 Speaker 1

So I think the message that he's given me is, it still this Joshua generation thing and looking at the life of Joshua and what was different about them to Moses.

01:09:46 Speaker 1

And I actually spoke about this in a talk I did the other day, whereas like the Moses generation, like God did so many like huge signs and wonders, like he split a sea open.

01:09:56 Speaker 1

Like he revealed himself as like a pillar of smoke and cloud and fire.

01:10:02 Speaker 1

that he like food came down from heaven, like he did all of these incredible signs, but yet the Moses generation still grumbled, like they were like, we want to be back in Egypt, back in slavery, or they turned away, they built these idols, or when it came, yeah, as I said, Sabine's the promised land, they were so fearful.

01:10:22 Speaker 1

But yet it was a generation that walked through the wilderness in the desert for 40 years.

01:10:27 Speaker 1

That was a generation that

01:10:29 Speaker 1

did have the faith to step into the promised land that had such a purity for holiness.

01:10:35 Speaker 1

And whenever there was anything in that promised land that wasn't of God, they got rid of it and they turned away from it and had such a, like at any moment they made sure that they, like I remember, I think in Joshua, then they go into the promised land, they stop and they build an altar of worship to like thank the Lord or recognise what he's done.

01:10:55 Speaker 1

So I think there's something in that to look at.

01:10:57 Speaker 1

There's a difference, because I think, sometimes in our generation, we have got it wrong.

01:11:02 Speaker 1

We have turned away, we have grumbled.

01:11:05 Speaker 1

We've maybe been a bit, I think, you know, not without, there's reason for it, but I think it's so easy, maybe even about church, we can become so grumbly and so dishonouring.

01:11:17 Speaker 1

And it's not, you know, it's not that that's, sometimes that is with reason and it's important to process those things, but to do it in the right way.

01:11:24 Speaker 1

So I think, I guess for this generation, just the walk with Jesus is hard.

01:11:29 Speaker 1

So to just try and learn how to do it better, I think in a way that is still honouring and moves us towards him and stuff like that.

01:11:38 Speaker 1

And I think that is what God's trying to do in that he's trying to just just such a purity for his presence, for holiness.

01:11:44 Speaker 1

He's so zealous, which I think maybe in my generation and above, we can get a bit self-conscious.

01:11:51 Speaker 1

And sometimes I think following Jesus can almost be deemed as, if you're really zealous for Jesus, it can come across people might frame it as being intense.

01:12:00 Speaker 1

And so we dampen it down because we're self-conscious because of what people think.

01:12:07 Speaker 1

But with that generation, with Gen Z, it's like, don't dampen that down.

01:12:11 Speaker 1

Like, don't let comparison or worry or fear.

01:12:14 Speaker 2

Be bold.

01:12:15 Speaker 1

Yeah, exactly.

01:12:15 Speaker 1

Be, yeah, like, that's what he said to Joshua, right?

01:12:18 Speaker 1

He said, be strong and courageous, for I am with you.

01:12:20 Speaker 1

So yeah, I guess I'm praying they're strong and courageous.

01:12:24 Speaker 1

Because I guess we look at the world, right?

01:12:26 Speaker 1

And things can feel a bit crazy and can feel a bit like, what the heck is going on?

01:12:31 Speaker 1

And I think, you know, it's written in the Bible, like,

01:12:34 Speaker 1

the longer we go on in life, it's going to be harder for Christians to be Christians without persecution.

01:12:39 Speaker 1

So in some ways, I do wonder if God is doing something significant in Gen Z, because it actually might be harder for them to have faith.

01:12:46 Speaker 1

So he is doing a work in them so that they are able to endure and sustain their faith in a time that might be really hard to.

01:12:53 Speaker 1

So yeah, there's some thoughts.

01:12:55 Speaker 1

That's amazing.

01:12:56 Speaker 2

That's awesome.

01:12:56 Speaker 2

Yeah, Well, we could definitely sit and talk to you all day.

01:12:59 Speaker 2

Yeah, But like,

01:13:01 Speaker 2

Where could people, can people hear your talks?

01:13:04 Speaker 2

You do like preachers and stuff at church, I assume.

01:13:06 Speaker 2

Is that at St Richards?

01:13:07 Speaker 2

You still at St Richards?

01:13:08 Speaker 1

Yeah, so yeah, so I speak a little bit at St Richard's.

01:13:11 Speaker 1

So they've got a Spotify now as well.

01:13:13 Speaker 1

So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at the moment.

01:13:15 Speaker 1

I feel like someone had a picture for me in terms of the analogy of the kingdom of God, like a football match.

01:13:22 Speaker 1

So people playing the game, the coach, the subs, people watching.

01:13:25 Speaker 1

And they asked me, where do you feel like you are?

01:13:27 Speaker 1

And I was like, I feel like I've been on the subs bench for the last couple of years.

01:13:30 Speaker 1

He's like,

01:13:31 Speaker 1

kind of hidden me a bit for a while now and just like kept me under wraps, I guess, which is good.

01:13:37 Speaker 1

Hiddenness is really good.

01:13:38 Speaker 1

Jesus was hidden for years.

01:13:40 Speaker 1

So that's something I think to learn, especially with like social media.

01:13:44 Speaker 1

I think especially for young people, which is not a bad desire, but like to get themselves out there and be put on a platform can be the goal.

01:13:51 Speaker 1

But I would say pray to be hidden as long as possible.

01:13:54 Speaker 1

Like let the Lord work on you and refine you.

01:13:57 Speaker 1

So, but I feel like I'm kind of stepping into a bit of a year now.

01:14:01 Speaker 1

I feel like the Lord's like get back out on the pitch a bit.

01:14:04 Speaker 1

So, we'll see what he gets up to with that.

01:14:06 Speaker 1

But yeah, hoping to, yeah, do a little bit more.

01:14:09 Speaker 1

preaching and stuff like that.

01:14:11 Speaker 1

But St Richards have a Spotify.

01:14:13 Speaker 2

St Richards HDB, right?

01:14:15 Speaker 2

Is that HDB Richards?

01:14:16 Speaker 2

Is that what they were typing or something?

01:14:17 Speaker 1

Yeah, so St Richards Hollingdean.

01:14:19 Speaker 2

Hollingdean, yeah.

01:14:20 Speaker 1

But I would tune in anyway, not for me, because there's great teaching and preaching anyway.

01:14:24 Speaker 2

I'm sure, yeah, that's great.

01:14:25 Speaker 2

Oh, thank you so much.

01:14:26 Speaker 2

Well, if you could finish with a prayer.

01:14:27 Speaker 2

Oh yeah, I'd love to.

01:14:28 Speaker 2

So if you could pray for Gen Z or whatever you want to pray for, would be great.

01:14:32 Speaker 1

Awesome.

01:14:33 Speaker 2

Thank you.

01:14:35 Speaker 1

Yeah, Father, thank you so much for Jesus, your son.

01:14:38 Speaker 1

Thank you that.

01:14:39 Speaker 1

You are so kind to find a way for us to know you, that your desire has always been to have relationship with us.

01:14:46 Speaker 1

And so you sent your son Jesus to make a way that he, Jesus lived all of the human life, the human experiences of suffering, of being tempted, of going through hardship.

01:15:00 Speaker 1

So we have a suffering servant that can relate to us in our own hardship.

01:15:04 Speaker 1

And I just pray for anyone

01:15:06 Speaker 1

Lord, that is going through a tough time, that is trying to work out their faith or relationship with you in disappointment or discouragement or feeling not good enough or where life hasn't looked how they thought it would be or if they're struggling with their mental health or if they're suffering in any way, I just thank you that today they can know a Jesus, a Jesus who comforts them, who loves them, a Holy Spirit who is a counsellor, who loves to reveal,

01:15:29 Speaker 1

Jesus and the Father in all of those tough things.

01:15:32 Speaker 1

And I just pray even right now as I am praying this prayer, I pray that they would encounter your presence right now in Jesus' name.

01:15:38 Speaker 1

And we thank you, Father, for your faithfulness.

01:15:40 Speaker 1

We thank you that we can depend on you, that you lead us in a really good way, that you are the perfect leader, that you are our shepherd.

01:15:49 Speaker 1

And in you, Jesus, we lack nothing, that you lead us beside green pastures and still waters.

01:15:55 Speaker 1

And even when we're in

01:15:57 Speaker 1

the presence of our enemies in tough places in the valleys, that you've prepared a table to come and dine with you and speak with you.

01:16:05 Speaker 1

And so, yeah, Lord, we thank you for your goodness and your faithfulness and your love.

01:16:09 Speaker 1

That is better than we could ever imagine.

01:16:11 Speaker 1

And I do pray as well, Lord, we thank you so much for what we're seeing, that we get to be in a time where we're witnessing you on the move, Jesus.

01:16:19 Speaker 1

amongst Gen Z that you are doing something significant.

01:16:22 Speaker 1

And we just continue to pray, Lord, like let your will be done.

01:16:25 Speaker 1

I pray that you would wake the church up to just keep praying, to just keep seeking you because any move of the Spirit is built on prayer.

01:16:33 Speaker 1

I pray that you would steward us and disciple us and discipline us and help us in who we are and our character to be able to steward the things that you've entrusted us with.

01:16:44 Speaker 1

And Holy Spirit, everything that you're doing in Gen Z, I just pray protection over it.

01:16:49 Speaker 1

In Jesus' name, I pray against the enemy who wants to steal, kill and destroy, who wants to pull these young people away from you.

01:16:58 Speaker 1

We just pray protection of everything you're doing.

01:17:00 Speaker 1

And I do pray for those Gen Z, those young people who don't know you yet.

01:17:04 Speaker 1

I just pray, Lord, that you continue to move in power, that they would continue to have dreams about you, encounter you in their room.

01:17:11 Speaker 1

To those with no faith background whatsoever, I pray that they'd have miraculous ways of hearing about you and knowing you, Jesus.

01:17:18 Speaker 1

And just Lord, everything that you're doing in that generation, we just pray more of you in Jesus' name.

01:17:22 Speaker 1

And if there's things for us to learn who are older from what you're doing, I pray that you give us humble hearts to learn, to learn and to garner from that, Jesus.

01:17:31 Speaker 1

And yeah, we just pray over your church, Lord, that we would be who you're calling us to be, Father, that we would be more of the bride that you're coming back for.

01:17:41 Speaker 1

So yeah, we just thank you so much for what you're doing, Jesus.

01:17:43 Speaker 1

And we just ask that you pour out more of your Spirit, help us as well.

01:17:48 Speaker 1

that verse to be strong and courageous in following you and all that you have for us.

01:17:52 Speaker 1

In your name we pray, Amen.

01:17:54 Speaker 1

Amen.

01:17:56 Speaker 1

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01:17:59 Speaker 1

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01:18:01 Speaker 2

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