Fly Flamingo Fly
Nobody has ever mistaken a flamingo for another bird. It’s unique, distinct, and it stands out in a crowd. 🦩
The key to building a successful business is to be the flamingo, and this is exactly what Megan Shallow has done with her company BNL Social. She lives a life full of connection, love, prosperity, and joy, all while running a successful business.
Luckily, she’s decided to share her secrets only with you, dear podcast listeners. Each week, you’ll gain valuable life lessons from Megan, digital marketing and social media education sessions, inspirational business hits, and small business owner interviews. Stick around and learn what it takes to truly be the flamingo in your world and start shining like the bright beautiful soul you are, right now.
As always, if you gained something from this episode, share it with a friend, and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts.
Fly Flamingo Fly
What It Really Takes to Be TEDx Ready with Stefano Cossalter
The hottest lights, the quietest mind. We talk about the exact moment a speaker freezes on the red dot and how to turn that panic into poise. With TEDx speaker and coach Stefano Casalter, we unpack the journey from first Toastmasters steps to delivering ideas that actually change people, not just rooms. This is a candid look at setbacks, mentorship, and the frameworks that make audiences lean in instead of tune out.
We start with the origin story. A business loss that led to a speaking breakthrough, a first humiliating Table Topics silence, and the mentor who reframed failure as practice. From there, Stefano takes us inside a great Toastmasters meeting. Prepared speeches, sharp evaluations, and impromptu drills that show how structure builds confidence fast. Megan also reflects on her own TEDx experience with TEDx West Vancouver and asks the question so many speakers quietly carry. Was that intensity normal? And how do you actually prepare for the pressure, not just the talk. Stefano breaks down what most people do not expect and what truly gets you ready for the power of a TEDx stage.
We go deeper into the TEDx process with open honesty. Why many events ban slides, how to internalize a talk word for word while keeping it alive, and what to do when your brain goes blank under hot lights. Spoiler alert, preparation and state control beat perfection, and edits are kinder than you think.
If you are building your voice as a founder, creator, or leader, you will leave with tools you can use right away. Learn the Story Vault method to bank one meaningful moment every day so future keynotes almost write themselves. Train impromptu speaking with two minute prompts that strengthen the connection between memory and message. Craft a through line that makes your big idea concise, useful, and unmistakably yours. The kind curators love and audiences repeat.
We also dig into what separates good from great. Story architecture with real stakes, humor that releases tension, and the small habits that signal calm and credibility before you ever say a word.
Ready to turn fear into fuel and stories into impact? Hit play, then share your biggest public speaking win or wobble. We are cheering you on. If this conversation helps, follow the show, send it to a friend who is TEDx curious, and leave a quick review so more voices find the mic.
Connect with Stefano through these channels:
Website: https://stefanocossalter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cossalterstefano/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stefano-cossalter-29388137/
For more social media and business conversations from yours truly (Megan Shallow) you can find me over on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and LinkedIn. 🦩
And of course if you ever need support with your social media presence you can find all the things at BNL Media Consulting. 🦄
Do you have this strong intuitive feeling that you are just destined to build a business and a life that stands out amongst the rest, but you just don't know how to get there? I feel you. I've been there, and I can see that you are another fellow flamingo just waiting to take flight. My name is Megan Shallow, social media guru and founder of B ⁇ L Media Consulting, and this is exactly what I have done through building my own beautiful empire that has become a unicorn in the social media management world, as well as a safe space for entrepreneurs to feel empowered with their digital marketing. All of this was founded on the basis of three magical words breathe, nourish, and love. Are you ready to learn how to be that entrepreneur who shows up online and offline with confidence, has a business that makes an impact in this world, and lives a life full of connection, love, prosperity, and joy? If the answer is yes, then let's go. All right, welcome everyone back to Fly Famingo Fly. Another episode with an awesome guest and someone who is going to come alongside me as we process and talk about what it is to be a TEDx speaker. So, Stefano, welcome uh to the podcast, and I'm excited to have you here.
SPEAKER_02:Well, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you were while we were doing the TEDx training, you were like a rock for me. I don't know if it was the energy that you brought or you laughed at my jokes, but either way, you were like a really peaceful presence in the space, which is why I see that you're in the industry that you're in. Um, so would you be able to share with the audience kind of what you do and your background in public speaking, and then we will just continue this conversation from there.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. Yeah. So I'm a public speaking coach. I'm a TEDx speaker and TEDx coach. I've been public speaking for the past, say, 15 years, and it's been one of the most transformational things I've ever done for myself. I started when I lost my business. When I was in 2008, I got a call from the president of a company who I was heavily invested in. All my time, all my money was in it. And he said to me, he goes, There's been a fire. We had this manufacturing plant on eight acres of land in Rock Rapids, Iowa. And I was completely devastated. It was a total loss. Everything was gone. Uh, there was insurance problems. So I was kind of left out figuring out what I want to do with my life. So I thought, maybe I'll start an online marketing business. And that's where I started. But I certainly learned, soon learned that you have to get clients in order to have a successful business.
SPEAKER_00:Ah, yes.
SPEAKER_02:But the problem was I I'd been hiding behind a computer screen my entire life. So when it came down to going out and shaking hands, doing networking meetings, calling people up, I just couldn't do it. So my my dad actually suggested to go to Toastmasters, and uh that's where I started my public speaking journey. And I remember walking in the first time and seeing these speakers get up and speak. It was it was incredible. I I just I knew that if I could have just an ounce of that ability of public speaking, there's no telling what I could do with my life and my business. So I went back the next week and I signed up and I volunteered to do the table topics portion of the meeting. That's where you get up and you have they ask you a question and you have one to two minutes to speak off the cuff on it.
SPEAKER_00:Wow.
SPEAKER_02:So I go up and they gave me this softball question, and I had the perfect answer in my head right away. I stepped forward and I opened my mouth and nothing came out. And I was completely humiliated. I sat down, my face was red, I was sweating, and I vowed never to go back. And that's when my mentor Mel called me up. He says, Where have you been the last few weeks? I said, That's it, I can't do it. I'm sorry, I'm just not cut out for this. He says, Well, come back, don't worry, we'll go for coffee and we'll I'll tell you a little bit about it. So I go for coffee with Mel and he sits me down and I said, I'm just not cut out for it. He said, You ever play a musical instrument? And I said, Yeah, I played the trumpets. He goes, What was it like the first time you put the trumpet to your lips and played? I said, Well, it's pretty bad. He goes, Well, you're your first speech was pretty bad, but the next time you'll get a little bit better, and the next time a little bit better, to the point where you can stand up and be comfortable commanding a big audience. And he was right, it was just a desensitization process. So I'm very happy to have learned these skills because it's absolutely transformed my life. There's literally so much power in being able to do something that 99% of people are too scared to do or just won't do, or are not good at, or they're boring. That's another problem. So that's that's my public speaking background.
SPEAKER_00:And I like that.
SPEAKER_02:Go on.
SPEAKER_00:Well, it's funny because I've heard about Toastmasters for most of my business career, and I'm like, yeah, that sounds fun and terrifying. So I'm probably not gonna go. Um but I do like you can tell the ones who are have been in Toastmasters, and I'm curious, like for those, like sometimes I've got new business owners listening in, and maybe this will be their first time hearing about it. What is it? And what makes it unique? And what is like what did you get out of it? Like when you were just starting.
SPEAKER_02:I got a lot out of out of it. Most of it is for say for a business owner, it's a great place to go and just practice your stuff. It's a place to go to get desensitized. It's a long process. Toastmasters is a slow process, it's kind of self-driven. You have a something called pathways, which is your educational program that you go through. So it's a long process, but it's a good place to go and practice. I think one of the things that really helped accelerate my growth as a speaker, because I needed to, I was desperate. I I had to be able to go on and do webinars and things like this, but I was too terrified to do it. So I had a mentor and a coach named Ian, and he really taught me how to grow quickly in the business. So I was really lucky to have him and uh to show and guide me the way. So Toastmaster is a great place to go, to practice, to get desensitized for sure.
SPEAKER_00:And when you go, like I'm a visual person. Like if I don't know what the scene's gonna be like, I'm probably not going. And so, and I know Toastmaster has been it's been running for so long, it's like they don't even, I mean, I'm sure there's a social media presence, but like every chapter runs it differently, and it's like a very like it's just very network. It's a network. Um I'm assuming networking happens there anyways, um, naturally. But what does it look like when you walk through the doors of a Toastmasters for the first time? What's the expectation? Yeah, give me the play by play.
SPEAKER_02:It's kind of like a a really happy, positive clapping cult.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Everybody's positive, they want you to succeed. So it's a great place to go and fail. And I did a lot of failing over the years, but it was a great place to go to do that, to get positive reinforcement, to get uh to get what I you need to become positive in regards to public speaking. So what happens? You go into a room, there's a group of people, depends on which club you are at, and depends on how many people are in it. There are there's two sections basically. There's one, which is uh usually the first section, sometimes the second, really doesn't matter. It's the prepared speaking portion of the meeting. This is where people that are scheduled to do their speeches get up and do a project speech. Then there's peer evaluation. The evaluator will get up and they'll give you feedback on what you did well and what you could work on. And then there's the table topics portion of the meeting, which is the impromptu speaking practice portion of it. So that's basically that's that's how it works. It's very it's structured, so it's on time, a good club start and end on time.
SPEAKER_00:I I recommend it to anybody, you know, anybody anyone who wants to find their voice, really, I would say.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I'm assuming it could work really well for offline. I mean online. So if even if you're trying to find your presence on a YouTube channel or on like or on Instagram or wherever you want to be on camera, it would be a good place to go.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Yeah. And there are online clubs to do that as well.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay. And of course, if you ever wanted to step on a TEDx stage, I mean, I'd recommend it. I haven't done it, but I would recommend it. Um, and you've done a TEDx. So, like, let's dive into TEDx. Um, like it was uh it was an opportunity for me that just kind of showed up. It's funny, my sister was like, we should do TEDx speak speeches. And I'm like, that sounds like something that wasn't on my agenda considering I swore I would never pick up a mic this year, but okay, because I had done a lot of public speaking in 2024, and I was pretty wiped, so I was like being very cautious, um, because it takes a lot out of me. And so, but yeah, so my sister's like, let's apply. And then uh she she applied to the Vancouver one, and I was procrastinating, and then I had the West Vancouver one slide across my desk. I'm like, okay, um, I don't know what idea I've got, but let me just like put something in and um and yeah, and then just kind of snowballed from there and talked with Shayla from TEDx West Vancouver and she pulled the idea from me. It wasn't the one that I submitted, um, it was one I forgot about actually. I came up with the idea about a year ago and thought nothing of it and uh didn't really mention it again um until she got it out of me. And I was like, oh, all right. Chief social media officer. Um and I actually actually bought the domains for that a year ago too, totally forgot. Um after I talked with Shayla, I was like, Oh, I should buy the domains for that just in case. And then I went and thought someone else had bought them and then realized that I was the person that bought them. Um so it all came full circle, but the preparation, like when I got asked, like, you gotta commit, and I was like, okay. And then so like I managed as much as I could to like open up my September. Um, and I don't know if it ever would have felt like enough uh preparation. So but the greatest everyone who asks me, all I say now is like it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was the best thing I could have done and what I needed to do. And so when I did it, um yeah, it was a journey that I wasn't expecting, but I'm very grateful uh for the opportunity, and I think that's a really important piece with TEDx that I'm very aware of after the fact is like have so much gratitude for that opportunity because not everyone gets it. Actually, a lot of people don't get it. When George did the math for me, I was like, oh, okay. Um, what what's your TEDx journey? Like, what did that look like for you and and the whole experience that got you there?
SPEAKER_02:Sure. So for people that don't know, TEDx is a platform for people to get up and share their ideas. The motto used to be ideas were spreading or sharing, and which is changed, I think now to ideas change everything. And it's it's the truth, and there's no better way to get your idea across by getting on a stage in front of a lot of people and sharing your story. Your story is the most powerful thing that helps people understand. You know, stories have been around for since the beginning of humanity teaching, and so we're hardwired to connect with stories, and I think TEDx is the great place to do it. So there's the big TED, which is everyone pretty much knows, and then there's the TEDx, which are the individually licensed um platforms. So, for example, I'm a coach at TEDx Surrey, I've been there for five years now, and they're pretty much the premier TEDx in Canada. Um I'm pretty I'm positive about that. Not all TEDxes are created equally, just the the amount of time and energy that the curators, leadership team, and the coaching team puts in at TEDx Suri is uh it's incredible. So that's at the Bell Center in front of a thousand people in January. And there's TEDx, it used to be TEDx Granville Heights, that's the one I spoke to, and which is now TEDx West Vancouver, and the licensees of curators there are just incredible. It's becoming one of the the fastest growing TEDxes around the lower mainland here, and they do a great job, they put a lot of time and energy into it. And would you would you agree with me when I say it was it was a lot of work?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah. And like I was just so impressed of what they were able to put together. Um, and also the way that they were able to build relationships. I was like, that piece was really key, and that had to happen over like seven days.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like with all the speakers, like all the speakers building relationships with each other was a part of making it less hard, I would say.
SPEAKER_02:It is nice. So you kind of become like a little family in a way, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you're all going through the exact same thing, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So my TEDx started at TEDx Grandview Heights. Okay, and my talk is basically it's a good example how sharing a story can help to spread your idea properly. So basically, mine was about my son and I are baseball umpires, and you know, it's something that I didn't want to do. He kind of forced me to do it with him. But it was kind of an evolution of me realizing how much conflict there is in baseball and how the conflict in baseball that I was receiving as a baseball umpire directly mirrored the conflict that I deal with in every life. So the skills I was learning in baseball as a baseball umpire worked with conflict in everyday life. And my kind of idea was is think like a baseball umpire. You can don't react, take other people's situations into consideration, and realize that two people can see the same thing and see it two different ways. For me, that was mind-blowing. I didn't think it was possible. So my story was basically my journey was thinking I was always right to realizing that I'm not, and uh to take other people into consideration, other human beings. So that was my journey, and it was uh yeah, I'm I'm very proud to say it was an editor's pick, which is uh about 200 out of 30,000 a year are about that amount, are are picked as an editor's pick. So it's very weird. Yeah, it's what's that?
SPEAKER_00:What does an editor's pick mean?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, an editor's pick is they choose, say 200 a year, and those are released to a greater audience. So there are talks that are recognized for their quality and timely message, and the only problem with an editor's pick is they decide when to release it. So I'm still waiting for mine to be released.
SPEAKER_00:Really? Yes, and when did you do your speech?
SPEAKER_02:January of 2025.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, it's been almost a year.
SPEAKER_00:So you're like, I don't know where it is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I don't mind though, for the extra publicity and for the um just the I'm proud of this editor's pick, so I'm happy to wait as long as it takes for it to release.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and it'll release at like the most perfect time.
SPEAKER_02:Uh for them, it will the most perfect time for them. Yes, yeah. Ted Ted will control your your talk. You have no control over it once it's in their hands, unfortunately. No, but that's what you sign up for. You know, you we we both signed the release form that uh signed all our rights and our firstborn child. Very well. Yep, goodbye. So but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It's funny because I had like a I've had a vision board for the last for the whole last year, I guess I would say I kept putting YouTube on it, thinking like logically, I'm like, oh, like I'll I'll start a YouTube channel, like that's on the board, so I'm gonna do that. And then once the TEDx rolled around, I was like, oh, this is what the YouTube means. This is what's going on YouTube. My Brene Brown moment. Um and talk about vulnerability. Uh, I would say a TEDx is probably the most vulnerable thing you will do, um, as well as a professional, especially. Um, you're up there, you have no, you have a script, um, but I have learned that script will only take you so far. And uh you have you have no prompts behind you, um, which most public speakers will have, like a PowerPoint or something to kind of guide you. Um, but with the TEDx experience, at least that I had, that was not the case. Um, is that common for TEDxes not to have prompts and stuff?
SPEAKER_02:It is for the, in my opinion, for the best ones, because it becomes it becomes a crutch for you. If you know, you want to be able to internalize a talk to the point where you can speak it word for word. And that being said, my talk, there was a point where I froze, and there's nothing more terrifying than standing on a stage with everybody looking at you and you not remembering where you are. The this is what happened to me is when I was on stage, my speech was going great. I had lots of time to prep, but the lights were really hot in the place that I was, and I was wearing my suit, and I started to sweat. And as soon as I started to sweat, my brain shut off. All I could think about was I'm sweating.
SPEAKER_00:The chatter.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so I just stood there smiling, looking at the audience. What next you could you can cut the tension with a knife? Oh my gosh. Awful. But there was somebody in the front row who gave me my prompt of where I was, and I just continued on. And the beauty of it is, is they can cut that out of the video. So there are people that have done that, then you'd never know because it's the video. That's your legacy, is the video. You know, 200 people in the audience knew, but nobody else knows.
SPEAKER_00:Well, it's funny because the same thing happened to me. So as you were introducing me, I got the privilege of Stephano introducing me on stage, and it was great. Um, and I was standing there and my brain was like, we don't know the fifth line. And I'm like, we don't have time for that. So as I'm walking, I'm basically giving my own like chatter of little pep talk, being like, we have to make it up then. And then so I did. I honestly I couldn't tell you what I said to fix that one line that I know it was like it was the lead. It was like the one line I loved. Like it was so easy, hadn't forgotten it the whole time. Gone. I'm like, you son of a gun. And uh, but then I was fine for three quarters of it. And then I made up another line. And my sister, she was watching, she's like, the line you said right before you stopped was so good. And I'm like, I couldn't tell you what it was. Um like it was an it was a really good one. Um, and I could feel it because it was coming from like that, like this place, but then my brain lost track, so I went off the track, and then I didn't know how to get back. And it feels like the longest time of your life, and I will never forget it. Like, I think it will be one of those core memories for me as I continue to grow as a CEO. Had a staff member in the front, you've got this, Megan, and I was like, Oh, I was like, Do I? And then the person who had my script couldn't find the line because I made the line up. So she had to gather with two other speakers that have seen me speak, and then they ended up finding the line, and then I was off to the races. But it was just it was that same thing, black wall, and it's like, hey, brain, wasn't the right moment. We literally just went through this, and uh, I was laughing at it by the end, but obviously you were there for the official, like my you know, come off the stage, and it's just like this like, oh, like all the emotions that aren't being felt on stage come off, and like, yes, I cried, but I also cried during rehearsal or almost pretty much two out of four times, and um and yeah, it was just like it was one of these wild experiences. But I for one, my sister's like, You're probably the most memorable. She's like, the audience was literally on the edge of their seat. They were like, Is she gonna get it? They all started clapping too, and I thought it was like clapping and get off stage. My brain was like, I guess this is it, we're done.
SPEAKER_02:No, they want you to succeed.
SPEAKER_00:Everyone's like, no, stay. And I'm like, Oh my god, I need someone to tell me what to do. And um, but yeah, it was like it was it was the most wild experience. And I know all the words that came out were like exactly what needed to be on that video. Um, but I think the power of knowing, like even when you told me, like, Megan, I did that too. I'm like, okay, and like people would start telling me things that had happened to them, and I'm like, okay, not just me, not just me. Um, and then Shayla was like, Don't worry, Megan, I'll be fine in the edits. But like I think it for two days for the day after I was laughing, um, the next two days I was like in a shame spiral. Um and then now I can laugh about it again. Yeah, but what is that? Like when, because you obviously teach people public speaking all the time. What is that moment when the brain goes blank? Like, what can people do to help strengthen that? I guess it feels like a muscle. Like that's really what it felt like. I was like, wow, I don't have this muscle, it's not here.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, that's it's the flight and f fight and flight response. It's that freeze moment where you're running. Do I run or do I fight? What do I do? And it's it's stupid because it's the same response you'd get if you were facing an actual threat, right? Like physical threat to your body, like you freeze just the same way. And I don't understand why we we do this with public speaking as well. As you're not in any physical danger, but your your brain doesn't know the difference. It's weird. I think it's something that's been built into the human, you know, the human mind unconsciously that failing in front of a lot of people is could mean you know something to do with your survival.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_02:That's why we freeze. It's it's weird. And I I see a lot of people do it, and the best way to deal with it is number one, preparation is nine-tenths of it. So if you're well prepared, you are uh you'll you'll be much better off. And the second is getting into the right state. And the states are powerful. You can you can kind of if you wanted to, at any time, you can kind of close your eyes and imagine yourself it in the most confident state you've ever been. You can just be in that moment, see it, feel it, you know, think about the sounds that are there, the feelings, the smells, everything. And you can actually feel yourself gain that confidence by doing that. But the other way is true as well. You can make yourself feel terrible doing just the same thing. So getting into the right state, being well prepared is nine-tenths of it, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_00:And I found it was really interesting because of course it's like a collective, and like there's lots of people around. And so I was a I was a professional, not professional, absolutely not professional, competitive swimmer. And so when it came down to race time, it was like headphones in, not engaging with anyone, like that. You just like eyes on the eyes on the prize, basically. And what I recognized in myself is like I did not do that in the TEDx. Like I wanted to engage with everyone, I wanted to see like everyone's talks and all of that stuff. Um, but after the fact, I realized, okay, like I'm learning how I can be successful in public speaking. And it's very much like because I love everyone's energy and I want to like I am like empath galore. So I'm like taking on everyone's stuff, and like if someone else didn't do well, like I'm here and happy to chat about it. And then I realize I'm like, oh no, oh no, I accidentally didn't put myself in like the lane that I needed to be in before. And like even having people come up to me before and be like, you're gonna do great, you're gonna do it's like it's so amazing and so nice, but oh man, it's like it's the brain and what's in my brain and what I'm trying to hold is like slowly just being like picked out accidentally. So what like for me, I realized, okay, Megan, like you gotta like there's like an isolation period probably before going on stage for me, um, which is hard to do and tell people.
SPEAKER_02:You strike me, you strike me as a kind of person that would be excellent in impromptu speaking, you know, just getting up and talking off the cuff, right?
SPEAKER_00:Throw me a question, yeah. Something, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I see this with a lot of TEDx talkers. Some people are great impromptu speaking, great at impromptu speaking, and when it comes to memorizing a script, it's completely different. So that and that's the difference with a TEDx talk, is you're expected to give your script and don't go rogue.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I've seen some people go rogue and they go off for like 25 minutes, 30 minutes, and it backfires on them. You know, nobody understands their message, nobody knows what they were there to talk about, and they're bored as hell. So that's happened so many times. Like, so for example, TEDx Suri, everything's word for word memorized.
SPEAKER_00:Totally.
SPEAKER_02:Which is easier for me, that's how I work best. When it comes to impromptu speaking, that's something I used to have a I was terrible at it. It was awful.
SPEAKER_00:Interesting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Here's an idea, here's something that if you're not good at impromptu speaking, it's possible to become good at it. I made it my goal to win a Table Topics competition in Toastmasters. Basically, what happens is everybody, all the competitors come into the room one by one, they're asked the same question, they have two minutes to talk upon it, and they get judged to see who is best. And I was terrible at impromptu speaking. I would just sit there and I'd be stunned. I wouldn't know what to say. But things the that some there was some barrier between my brain and my mouth. It just wouldn't work. So I said to myself, okay, I want to win this. I thought, what can I do to what's worked for me well from public speaking? And preparation has been worked well for me. I'm great at prepared speeches. So I started to ask myself two random questions a day. I'd time myself and record it. After about three months, something incredible started to happen. It's like the stories I was coming up with, because the best way to talk, if you want to do an impromptu speech, talk a personal story. There's nobody better that knows your personal story than you. It's easy to talk about. And you can connect it to, I was starting to have these stories of moments in my life where I could use the same story for different themes. You know, if the theme was about compassion or if the theme was about humor, there's I could use the same story for it, just change it slightly. So it became this kind of connection with my personal narratives in my brain, where anybody could ask me any question and I'd have an answer for it. So it is possible to do it. I ended up winning the contest last year, which I'm really proud of because it was something I'd never been able to do before. So it is possible. If you feel like you can't do it, you can.
SPEAKER_00:For those that are more good at impromptu and memorizing without going rogue, um is challenging. What do you recommend for those speakers that come to you?
SPEAKER_02:Well, it depend it depends. For example, I had a a client recently, he was doing a keynote speech, so he asked me to come in and help him prepare for it. And he is that kind of he didn't have much time, he had about a month to do it, and it was a half an hour talk. So I took him through this process, and okay, this is the game-changing process that really transformed what I do with my speaking in my life. Is I went through and I elicited different, I asked them questions and elicited stories about different things. And by the end of the first two sessions, we had this huge long list of stories that he could use. So we just identified two of the stories that he could use. One was uh about a hospital stay that transformed the way he thought about something, and the other one was a business story. And then the last part of the speech was more content, right? So he told both stories and he knew the stories well. We just had to identify you must hit these certain points in your story. For example, you have to have show you're like before. You have to add conflict and tension. You know, no conflict, no tension, no emotion. Then there's no story, you lose people. Then there's the magic moment of transformation. It's you have to show transformation. This the stories only is transformation over time. So if you show how you changed, how you transformed, people transform along with your stories. And then you have to show the benefits of it. What are you like afterwards? So, for example, you unknowingly created one of the greatest stories you'll be able to tell everybody, right? You know, you before you were you were confident, you thought you could do uh public speaking or whatever easily. The next you know, then the tension, the conflict. Gosh, you can't get more tension and conflict than being on a stage staring at the people that stuck in a red carpet circle. Exactly. So there's your tension move.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, uh, it's true.
SPEAKER_02:And then and then afterwards you transformed, right? You have this completely different understanding about these things, and you're greater because of it. You have the perfect story that you can tell to inspire other people to that are too scared to get on a stage or too scared to share the ideas. What if I fail? Well, who cares? That's your story. It's great.
SPEAKER_00:You might, yeah. And the power isn't the story. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So my thing is I I call it the story vault, and this is what I get people to do that I coach. And if you if you do this, you will be so much better off as a public, not just a public speaker, but a human being in general, because it helps fill in your life dramatically. It's I call it the story vault. And you know, when I was a kid, they used to tell me if you put 200 bucks away every month, by the time you're you know you're 35 or whatever, 30 years old, you'll have$50,000 with the interest. And I never did it, uh, because you don't think about that, you don't think ahead of time when you you're really gonna need something. And that's just you, you know, in my opinion, it's human nature. And the same thing is with your story vaults. So if you record one story per day, something that happens in your life that is interesting, is that's funny, that's transformational. If you see most of my speeches that I do that are people find entertaining and motivating and inspiring, are all about just simple situations, right? A moment uh where my dogs steal the stakes, or uh this time where I'm at my mom's 65th birthday, whatever it is, they're just small stories. But I would go through my life and every day write one of these stories down that happens. If you don't record it, it's gone. There's so many interesting, phenomenal things that happen to us every day that we just don't record. So if you do record it, just something small, so you know, who was there, what did you learn? By the time you, you know, just like the money, putting the money in the bank, by the time you need stories to pull out for a keynote speech, you can do it in 15 minutes because you've got this great bank of stories. And not only that, it just fills in your life, it makes your life more meaningful just watching these little moments, you know, things that happen with my kids, these little stories that I can tell to entertain people or to inspire them, the little things they do. I would not even think about them if I hadn't been recording them. So at first it doesn't feel like much, but over time, this these small deposits grow into this great treasure chest of moments. Your own personal story bank. So when you want to give a talk, write a book, inspire an audience, they'll be there. There's one piece of advice I can give any anybody, that's what it is. And I just have a client that told me the other day, he says, You're right. This is this is paying off. I'm like, Yeah, of course, I told you. It was, yeah, I didn't understand it until I was had these board members come to, and I had these stories I could pull out to talk about. And it's something you've never been able to do before. So that's it. I just I'm sorry, I'm so passionate about it because I've seen how much it's transformed my life and the the people I coach's lives and anybody else that does it.
SPEAKER_00:So well, that yeah, I mean, the power is in the story, and I feel like that's what deepens connection and trust with you, right? So, because people can really understand, like, oh, cool. And that happened to her, or that happened to me. Like, even hearing everyone else's TEDx stories, like, have just completely removed like any sort of like embarrassment or shame. And I'm like, okay, not the only one. And my mom, she like sent me Brene Brown's second TEDx, because of course Brene Brown's done a few now, and her second TEDx was about her first TEDx, because she was so embarrassed by her first TEDx, which is ironic considering it is like one of the most viral videos of all time on YouTube. Um, but she obviously was not expecting that when it happened, and um, so yeah, so my mom was like, Don't worry, Brene Brown was embarrassed too.
unknown:And look, we're cute now.
SPEAKER_00:Um, but yeah, one thing I've had, like of course, like a bunch of people are like, Well, how do I apply and how do I get in? And of course, the idea is everything. Um and like while people are creating ideas for TEDx, or just ideas in general, like what makes a good idea? And that's a really big question asked.
SPEAKER_02:That that's a good question. It has to be valuable to other people. Um, it's gotta be concise. Uh, a big problem that people have is they it's not concise. You know, for example, every talk should have a through line, and a through line is the common thread that strings it all together. So if you have something that doesn't have to do with your talk, it's gotta go. And TEDx talks, the most effective ones, are usually 12 minutes or less. They used to be 18 minutes, like you're saying, Brene Brown's was 18 minutes, and it was probably filled with um a lot of slides as well. Slides are something that used to be popular, they're not popular anymore that just detracts from you. And uh someone it's a good story. Like, can you convince people? And is it something we're sharing? You know, if is it something that promotes hate or it's you know, whatever? It has to be something that, you know, the reason why, for example, I coach at TEDx Suri for free is because I want to help change the world. You know, people have just amazing ideas and then they just need this stage to get their idea out, and they're just phenomenal ideas that help make the planet better, help make uh help solve conflicts. There's so many good. Things that come out of these talks that um you know it there's no better place to get your idea out. So in regards to an idea, it just has to be something that's concise, it has to fall into one of the different categories. So TEDx has or TED has different categories it has to fit into, like you know, science, technology, personal development. It has to fit into something like that. And most TEDxes will try and find a blend of you know, a couple people that talk on art or or design, a couple people that talk about AI, a couple people that talk about personal development. They want to mix it up, unless it's like a TEDx talk that a TEDx event that is focused solely on AI. They do have stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00:Wow.
SPEAKER_02:Or women and women's issues, that sort of thing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because what and also like would you say, um, like when you think you have an idea, like go look at TEDx and see if it's been done. Um is that something that is good to do as well? Because I mean, I think like there is a wave of a lot of like I especially those in the wellness industry, I find like there's a wave of conversations now that like it's a lot of it's been done and talked about so many times, like mindfulness or even happiness, like these like kind of big ones that have obviously already gone viral through TEDx. Um the key is to have a unique idea, right? Like to try to bring that unique something that no one's talked about anywhere.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, or or a unique spin on an idea. And and that's when there's there's really nothing new we can come out there. There's everything's already pretty much been done, you know, unless it comes to sort of you know, some revolutionary thing, which is very hard to come by, but it has to have a a unique spin on it. Yeah, one of the questions they ask, for example, in the TEDx Suri application is how is this a unique look on an already established idea? Or, you know, how is it a new idea or a spin on an already established idea? So yeah, they're looking for something unique. You have to have something that is to get into the the good TEDxes for sure. There are other TEDxes that are around that uh they're not all created equally. Honestly, the amount of time and energy that you put into putting on an event like Surrey and West Vancouver, it's a lot. I think one of the biggest things I hear from the speakers is I never realized how much work this was. You you guys told me up front how much work it was, but I had no idea. But they all say one thing that it was a transformational process. And you come out of there with a a group of speakers that is like a family, you know. We still talk, you know, our group, our cohort that went through in TEDx Grandview Heights, we still all talk. Uh the a group at TEDx Surrey, we still meet every once a month, you know, it you become very close with people.
SPEAKER_00:So it's uh Yeah, and I I do I do feel there's um an element of stepping into a new level of leadership by going through that because the amount the responsibility, I mean it reminds I had to do an honors thesis in my university times, and I had to do that presentation in front of a bunch of profs, and it felt like a very similar experience. Um, because I had to memorize that too. And uh there's a lot of data that I had to know. And uh but like it is this next level of like ownership around your what you know and what and your expertise and and speaking it clearly. And that's it's interesting because most of this year the thing that would kept coming up to me, up for me was feeling like I couldn't communicate properly. And so to be thrown through the TEDx, I mean like you only have one choice, you have to make this clear, um, and also have it like come from a place that's like empowered was really hard. I mean, you everyone witnessed it in my rehearsals, and it was yeah, it was like this huge block. And I like had I knew that it was there, but nothing like a TEDx to just like really throw it in your face. Um a lot of meditating, a lot of like journaling, a lot of memorizing, a lot of writing that thing out. Um, it was I had to get really connected to it and really confident around it. Still got tested, but I my mom also said she's like, you never do anything that doesn't have a good story. She's like, if you didn't, if you had just gotten up there, done the speech and walked off, yeah, it would have been like an okay story, but like now it's a great one. And uh I bought stories.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, that's what it it takes, is is you have to you can't just go up and and talk about something. You you're gonna bore people. One thing that I learned when I was at the um world championship of public speaking in 2024 was that people want to be entertained. I remember my friend Andrew telling me this too. Is it it's not about just getting up and doing it, it's about getting up and doing it well. So they're all subtleties that you need to take into consideration. And you're lucky, you you know, you you're you're funny, naturally funny, it seems like. You know, maybe you learned that somehow in life. Uh I wasn't naturally funny. I had to learn that to learn humor. And but it's it's easy because humor, it's actually a for you can use a formula to do it. You know, if you can successfully trick someone's mind or show some sort of surprise, usually it results in laughter, which is cool. But yeah, you have to be good at it, you have to be come up with something that's entertaining, something that's interesting. That's how your idea gets to people. You had a great story in yours, right? And that it makes it sticky, it makes it memorable. If you don't have something to anchor your idea down with a story or an exercise or um an example of some kind, it just floats away like a helium balloon. You have to have something to anchor it. Like your story in yours, it was a firm anchor that everyone will walk away, remembering. Ah, I remember this.
SPEAKER_00:So and a little bit of a Rebel Stoke tourism plug. What a town. Um yeah, that hotel just like it's it was definitely the pivotal moment for me that I was like, oh, okay, this is what I'm doing for the rest of my life, probably. Um what the question that I would love to leave you with to see what you say. What makes a good speaker versus a great speaker? Because there's a lot of good speakers out there, but you can tell the difference between good and great, but I don't know what it is.
SPEAKER_02:Well, first thing you'll notice is the the best speakers are are good storytellers. You need to learn how to put together a story that um has different elements in it. You know, number and number two, some something that has humor, it's funny, it's levity. A lot of people have a lot of heavy stuff to talk about. And I don't you'd probably been in rooms like this where people are sharing these heavy stories and you leave going, oh my god. You need levity to let people give people permission to let that heavy load down that they've been carrying. So um humor, which is, you know, if you don't know how to do it, you can learn it. It's easy. And um, storytelling, same thing, is those make the greatest speakers. And there's the speakers that don't have bad habits. There's lots of different unconscious cues that people give away that they're nervous or they don't know what they're talking about, and maybe they're comfortable, but they don't look comfortable. So if you you learn how to hold yourself and in a certain way where people that are looking at you, they know that you're competent and confident, even if you're not. So get rid of bad habits, you know, too many ums, ahs, that sort of thing. And that's one thing you can get rid of at Toastmasters as well.
SPEAKER_00:I bet. I'm like imagining a game where every time you say um, like everyone just like throws something at you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So if there isn't that game, there should be.
SPEAKER_02:And practice. If uh it's an art, it really is. It's it's a science and an art. Both that if and if you can master those pieces to it, then you'll be an amazing speaker. And it's all learned. If you don't feel like you got it in you, that's BS. You do have it in you. Anybody can do it. I I know that for a fact. I've seen people transform, myself included. Uh, so if you he'll usually people say, if I could do it, anyone can. Well, if I can do it, yes, anyone can, because I was the worst, absolute worst example of somebody trying to do public speaking.
SPEAKER_00:And now you do it for a career.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely. And I love it. I think it's the most valuable thing anyone can do.
SPEAKER_00:And so tell us a little bit about your business, where people can find you, and uh yeah, and if there's anything upcoming that uh people should partake in.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. Yeah, I do I do uh keynote speeches. Uh so I'm a professional speaker, um, I'm a uh coach, I do help people with TEDx talks as well. I get a lot of people that hire me to do those. Um, you know, a lot of people like say, for example, CEOs and people that have to go and do keynote speeches. And if number one, if they're not confident to do it, I can help with that. And number two, if they want to make it actually entertaining, or people will leave and realize, wow, that was really great. You know, it's if you want to feel good about what you're talking about and have everyone walk away knowing you and have your message message stick with them, I can help people do that. So um, my website is stefanocasalter.com. I do uh workshops with my friend Terry Holland as well, do with public speaking called the Complete Speaker System.
SPEAKER_00:Um amazing, and you can find them on Instagram and LinkedIn because we are friends on both of those. So I will link everything below. And uh definitely connect with Stefano. There is a Surrey TEDx happening in January. So will you be MCing that or are you just gonna be there?
SPEAKER_02:No, uh, my buddy Noel, he's the MC there, he's incredible. Um, he helped mentor me for my first MC gig at TEDx West Vancouver, the one that you spoke at, which uh something I was really nervous about and I'd never done it before, but now that I've done it, I feel really good about it.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like you'd be a great MC because you're really memorizing and that kind of thing. I tried MCing once, not good. Couldn't remember any sponsors.
SPEAKER_02:But I'll be there, you know, helping people, motivating them, uh wrangling speakers, whatever needs to happen. I'm there volunteering. Awesome.
SPEAKER_00:And then of course the TEDx West Vancouver, I think there's also a January event or February, I'm not sure. There's the date is not officially released.
SPEAKER_02:Um there's a women, a women's one in March.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, it's in March. Okay. They vacations, I think, close in January.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And then the regular TEDx West Vancouver will be in October, I think. It might change, you never know.
SPEAKER_00:Might change. So if you are considering TEDx speakering, if that's a word, um Padlet, um then apply. There's no harm in applying. I think even applying is a muscle in itself, like because you're really asking yourself, like, do I have an idea? And like, what am I passionate about? And then you kind of get to see what the process is like. Um, and there's TEDxes all over, but I think doing one in your backyard is pretty cool. Um, and also easier to navigate. Um, but definitely apply and come. Uh, I am going to be going to all of the events next year. I'm really excited to be in the audience, not gonna lie. Uh and I hope to see friends up on stage. Um, that's my intention for 2026. So thank you, Stefano, so much for joining and for sharing your wisdom. And I'm sure we'll bring you on again. And I am grateful that we know each other now.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, absolutely. Thanks for having me. I had a blast.
SPEAKER_00:You are so welcome. Thank you so much for joining us on another episode of Fly Flamingo Fly with BNL. We are so grateful you stopped by and we hope that something from today's conversation ignited the inspiration you were looking for so that you can keep moving forward towards the life of your dreams. This podcast was produced by BNL Media Consulting with the Amazing Help of Podigy Podcasts. We'd love to hear your takeaways from this episode, so be sure to leave us a review as well as give us a follow on Instagram at BNL Social. If you need any help with your social media marketing, feel free to visit our website at wwwnlmediaconsulting.com, and we would be more than happy to support you. We hope you have an amazing day, and we cannot wait to connect with you again next time. Have a good one, everyone.