#76 - Rewriting Your Reality: Think Less, Live More

In this weeks episode, we are featuring the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen. You can expect to learn the root cause of suffering, the difference between thoughts and thinking, and what it means to give and receive unconditional love. 

Sushi - Tep No

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Transcript

"Hello Everyone! Welcome to The Game of Life Podcast; I am Alexandria Burek and I am your host.

Thank you for picking my show; you will find this show is a blend of personal stories and life lessons covering a wide range of topics that are designed to help you live life a little better everyday; my goal in sharing these personal stories, wins, whatever it may be is always to inspire you–my life is so radically different even I am a bit amazed at the transformation that's taken place over the last 3 years. With that, no better time to get into it than the present. 

In this episode, we are featuring the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen. You can expect to learn the root cause of suffering, the difference between thoughts and thinking, and what it means to give and receive unconditional love.  

Before we dive into the heart of the episode, I will kick it off with a little personal update. 

Personal Update:

My goal with the personal update is to put my money where my mouth is and lead by example. I’ll share three personal wins, sprinkle in some gratitude, drop a new original thought and leave you guys with a song I love (link will be in the show notes). 

Wins: 

First, after my trip, I am really proud of the way I conducted myself. While my wild side definitely got to come out of hibernation, I am proud of who I was on that trip. I was not one of the people on the work trip that “drank too much” nor was I the friend who needed to be taken care of. While I didn’t work out or hit my normal daily goals, I did stay hydrated and got my steps in. I made great connections with people throughout the trip, I dressed well, I was able to find moments of joy. All in all. That is a win.      

Second, I have been really using this mantra a lot lately, and it goes like this: I have more than enough time and money to do everything I need and want to. This has been so helpful to snap me out of rushing or feeling like there isn’t enough time or money. And since I have deployed this, it has been 100% true with time and money despite doing so much more than normal in terms of home improvement projects, work, travel, and wardrobe updates. I am so in love with this and the way it makes me feel I have it written on my mirror now.   

Third, I reconnected with a man I really liked about 5 years ago; we had a meet-cute on a cruise pre-covid, like I may have given this man covid. I have genuinely thought about him many times in the last few years, but never actually reached out; while I was on the trip this past week I reached out. Sometimes you gotta roll the dice. No doubt this is a win; I am excited, I am smiling. Question is, is it still a meet cute if it was five years ago?  

Gratitude: I am so grateful for my relationship with God. As a former lifelong atheist, and I mean 31 year commitment to atheism; a 31 year stretch of full on “F” God, there is no God; I cannot be more thankful that I was called and chose to walk with God. I cannot even imagine going back to atheism. Since turning to God, every aspect of my life and my world is better. I feel the peace my atheist self would never know–because it comes from God’s grace and love. Regardless of where you lie on this topic, I am not ashamed to say, I am grateful for my walk with God.    

Original Thought: We are all figuring it out, until we’ve figured it out. I say this to say, no one actually knows what they are doing, even the people that look like they’ve got it all together. If you are pushing the boundaries on what's possible for your life, your family, your community, or your business, you won’t have it figured out, until you go through it and figure it out. 

Feature song of the week. This week’s song is Sushi by Tep No–I chose it because it's just kinda fun and makes me smile. The beat is nice and chill, very chill edm vibes meets tropical house meets nic d. As per the usual, link will be in the show notes and IIIII would love to hear what you think about my songs of the week. 

Food For Thought: 

Book: Don’t Believe Everything You Think Author: Joseph Nguyen 

How I found it: 

One of my very good friends from work recommended this book, and it was one of those books that came to me at exactly the right time–actually 90% of the books that I have featured on this show fall into that very special category of “came at exactly the right time.” I was in a bad place, I was pissed, I was angry, I was ungrateful–worst part was, I knew I was choosing my experience, I just didn’t know how to chose a different one–I kid not, this book shifted me right out of that state of angry and ungrateful, to appreciative and moderately joyful. 

Who It's For: 

This book is for people who subscribe to and are interested in buddhism, zen parables, philosophy and metacognition. This book is for the person who might be dissatisfied with their life the way it is. This book is for the person who wants so badly to have a better experience but hasn’t a clue how. This book is roughly 100 pages and can be listened to on Spotify in roughly 4 hours–there is really no excuse. 

The Takeaways: 

Before we get into the takeaways, I will share a bit about the author and his ‘why’ behind writing this book. The first page is his acknowledgement is to his girlfriend, who he credits with teaching him what unconditional love is–I share this because I will be diving more into unconditional love and what opened up for me later as one of the takeaways.

What I like about the author’s opening, is that he admits to searching for “the answer” in hundreds of books, podcasts, different lifestyles, and so on all in the name of ending his suffering; while I can relate to the first half of that “why,” I thankfully stopped suffering a long time ago, and was able to start exploring, regardless of where you are in your life whether it be suffering or searching, this book truly has something for you. He described previously feeling anxious, unfulfilled, angry, and heavy before having his breakthrough. Beyond the impact his girlfriend made, he credits his mentor who helped him to discover how our minds work and how each of us create our own human experience. Today I selected three takeaways out of the many to choose from, three that have the potential to have a profound impact on improving our human experience. The three takeaways today are: 

• The root cause of suffering 
• The difference between thoughts and thinking 
• What it means to give and receive unconditional love  

This author has a great selection of quotes sprinkled in throughout the book that he no doubt picked up along his journey of discovery and healing–I have selected a quote that captures the essence of the book to lead into the takeaways for today:

“One who looks around him is intelligent, one who looks within him is wise.” 

– Matshona Dhliwayo

It was during college that I began exploring buddhism–cough cough, because remember I rejected christianity–and it was then that I became interested in the buddhist ways of thinking about suffering. My interest and understanding has only grown since, and this book expounded on that. My goal is to share with you, how we can all eliminate (or at least reduce) suffering in our own lives by changing the way we think. 

The author says, “Our perception of reality is very real. We will feel what we think, and our feelings are real. That is completely undeniable. However, our thinking will look like an inevitable, unchangeable reality to us until we begin seeing how our reality is created. If we know that we can only ever feel what we are thinking, then we know we can change our feelings by changing our thinking.”  I have seen this play out in my life time and time again. Most notably with my recent career job situation, yes, that is the technical term. 

About a year and a half ago, the idea of being a consultant popped into my head as a potential life path for me. I pursued it mildly at best, put out some feelers. Kept in touch and let it be on the back burner. I also saw a potential path for me to continue climbing the corporate ladder where I work–this would be a safe route, the easy option–and after pursuing that opportunity for more than 8 months, I was told it was a no go. Now, ironically the person who told me this, is also the amazing human who shared this book with me. He was so empathetic–I was literally at a restaurant sobbing, because I felt everything was hinging on that opportunity. 

I also had enough trust in myself and of course God to know that there was something more, something better. That would be the consulting opportunity. I took this closed door as the cue to open the other. Given the chance, I would not have it any other way–the people I work with at the consulting firm are BRILLIANT, the level of work is INCREDIBLE. Now, how does this tie into this episode? 

I knew in that moment, I had a choice. I could be the victim who says, see I am trapped in my job, see nothing ever works out for me. Three years ago, I would have said those words. Three years ago I would have believed that and created that reality for myself. Now, no thank you. Now I take that experience, as much of a let down as it was, and I say, thank you God, show me what you want me to do. I said, and BELIEVED, there was something better for me. That belief led to a bold action of contacting my colleague and asking for a meeting with the partner of the firm. After that meeting I successfully signed and have been given so many amazing opportunities to learn, and contribute, and level up. Your thoughts create your reality. Choose your thoughts wisely. Think back on the last time you let yourself fall into that victim mindset. Think about what came downstream of that. Now, imagine the next time things don’t go your way, how can you respond differently to create a better reality and experience for yourself? 

So if we know that thinking causes suffering, how do we begin to differentiate between thoughts and thinking? Have you ever thought about it? 

Until reading this book, if you would have asked me I would have said they are the same. However, I now have a deeper understanding and fresh perspective inspired by this book that I would like to share with you today. 

In the authors world, thoughts are energetic, they are mental raw materials; thinking on the other hand is thinking about our thoughts. Let's pause for one second on this. Thinking is thinking about our thoughts. What does that mean? Every once in a while, the THOUGHT pops in my head, “I am going to be a great Mom, I cannot wait to be a mom” which truly feels wonderful and I smile every time that thought comes up for me and then I start THINKING… my mind takes over and says “you are 33 and you are single, how are you ever going to do that, you say you will adopt if you are not married, but do you really want to be a single mom? Maybe you will be a step mom? But I do want my own children, whatever that means, and so being a step mom would feel like somewhat satisfying but not as satisfying as adopting or having birthed a child.” All of that, that is thinking. So the author says, the thought, is essentially neutral. It's the thinking we do, that leads to the feelings of sadness, self doubt, anger, unworthiness, or whatever it may be that causes our suffering. So. Thinking is the root cause of suffering. I can, and I do subscribe to that. So how can we cut the cord on this? Well, we need to have a level of awareness to catch ourselves. We need to notice when we are thinking about our thoughts. Once we notice, we can stop and decide what we want to believe. This goes back to the mantra I shared in my wins of the week. I will catch myself feeling worried about time or money (SO UNORIGINAL) and then I will stop and say, I have more than enough time and money to do everything I need and want to. That helps. Consider the different areas of your life that this thinking habit shows up, and play with some mantras you can use to counter the thinking. Remember, thinking is the root cause of suffering, find a way to combat your thinking and you can eliminate suffering.        

On to unconditional love. The author shared his experience in exchanging I love you’s with his girlfriend. When she said it to him, she said I love you. He asked why, she said, I don’t know I just do–A LOT. This was not good enough for him. He was able to list several reasons why he loved her and felt she should be able to do the same. Then he had an epiphany. When she said I love you to him, it came from a place of loving him wholly for who he was, and who he was not. Not because he had a nice smile, and laughed at her jokes, the point was, that even if he didn’t have a nice smile, she would still love him. He got it when he asked himself these questions in reverse. It was in this experience and this reflection that he finally understood what it meant to be loved unconditionally. This is something that deeply resonates with me. I am like the author, in the past I would have given a list of reasons, although in a more recent relationship, I had the whole, idk why, it's just the way he makes me feel, and then I felt stupid until I read this book and realized, no in fact that WAS IT. I learned what it means to give unconditional love; I am not sure in the romantic sense I have figured out what it means to receive it, but I am ready to try, I am tuned in. I am here. Look at the people you love. Do you love them because of what they do? Or how they look? Or do you love them because of the way they are? Are you holding it against someone who loves you because they can’t furnish a list of things they love about you? Maybe it is time to look at the love in your life from a fresh perspective.

Closeout

You guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope from this day forward, you no longer believe everything you think. I hope you step out into the world with a fresh perspective and consider how your thoughts create your experience. I hope that you can find even one relationship that you can freely give and receive love unconditionally.  

Thank you so much for spending this time with me—I hope it’s making your day, and maybe your life, a little better. I’d love your thoughts on what I shared today—drop a comment, hit the fanmail link in the show notes to shoot me a text and tell me what’s landing for you! If you loved this, or even just liked it, please share the show and or give it a 5 star rating! 

Get out in the world. Do good. Be good. Byeeeee.