Konnected Minds Podcast

Segment: Navigating the Gap: An African American's Journey in Ghana

• Derrick Abaitey

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The complex relationship between African Americans and Ghanaians reveals itself through cultural misunderstandings, economic expectations, and the journey toward authentic connection. When relocating to Ghana, many African Americans discover how deeply American they truly are - not through race, but through cultural conditioning that shapes their interactions in unexpected ways.

"In Ghana, the most valuable currency is relationships," explains one long-term resident. This fundamental truth often eludes newcomers accustomed to functioning independently within systems that require minimal human contact. When your streetlight malfunctions in America, you call a number or use an app. When your light fixture catches fire in Ghana, you must rely on neighbors and community connections to resolve the issue. This shift from systematic efficiency to relationship-based problem-solving represents a profound adjustment for many expatriates.

Class dynamics further complicate relationship-building efforts across cultural divides. Economic disparities can transform what begins as genuine friendship into something that feels transactional, especially when financial requests follow social interactions. The "Obruni" (foreigner) label carries significant assumptions about wealth and resources that create barriers to authentic connection. Yet these challenges aren't unique to foreign-Ghanaian relationships - even Ghanaians who relocate abroad report similar experiences with requests from home.

Building sustainable relationships requires establishing clear boundaries, developing cultural literacy, and recognizing that integrity matters regardless of economic circumstances. For those committed to making Ghana home, the journey involves unlearning American expectations while embracing the relationship-centered approach that defines Ghanaian society. Through patience and mutual understanding, meaningful connections can flourish that honor both cultural perspectives.

Have you experienced cultural blindspots while living in a new country? Share your story and subscribe to join our community exploring these important conversations about identity, belonging, and cross-cultural understanding.

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Speaker 1:

because you, sometimes Ghanians leave with Wahalla and you come back and you realize Wahalla is still there and you and you even maybe sometimes I don't know, but even from what I've heard from my friends is because this is home and you, it's almost like they look at Ghana like like a brother or a sister that has so much potential. But then you see this brother or sister just wasting their life and it's like I want so much potential. But then you see this brother or sister just wasting their life and it's like I want so much for you. But when I see you doing some of the stuff that you're doing and you've never changed, it becomes so disappointing. So, even though the disappointment becomes multiplied.

Speaker 1:

And but it's true, listen, I talked to my friends and I tell them, you know, listen, I had, I had it's not necessarily a friend, but I was at a meeting one day and we were talking about police interactions and all of these things. And listen, I've been in Ghana long enough where even sometimes I just carry coke because I'll give the guy some coke, the police officer some coke. You know, even this simple, small gesture, you know, will make a difference. But anyway, one of the ladies was African-American was saying that I noticed that the police only bother us as African-Americans, and so we have to stop and say listen, that's not true. That's not a true statement. In fact, it's worse for the local Ghanaian who can't fight for himself.

Speaker 2:

Yes, who can't afford 200?

Speaker 1:

cities to cool him down, exactly, exactly. So I agree with you that we have this perception oftentimes, that is, it's it's erroneous and it's not accurate of what's really happening. That's why these conversations are important and and I will say this, I will admit this right I think a lot of times as African Americans, we don't realize how American we are until we get to Ghana, because in the States you are always relegated to your race. I don't care how smart you are, until we get to Ghana, because in the States you are always relegated to your race, I don't care how smart you are or any of these things. When you come to Ghana, it's actually the culture of America that exists in us.

Speaker 1:

We can be entitled, we can be arrogant, and for a lot of us you have to be. For example, for me, like in Ghana, everything is okay, everything is fine. You just kind of relax. Sometimes we don't really speak up for ourselves in Ghana, but if you have this type of mentality in the US, as a black person, you will be crushed, right. So sometimes you don't like that, doesn't turn off like that when you come to Ghana. So you have to really have these come sometimes bad experiences where you stop and realize I overreacted. That was too much to really understand that. Okay, I'm safe, nobody's trying to come and attack me. I really have the privilege to live where I want, do what I want, as long as I have the resources and I have the relationships. But sometimes that mentality doesn't turn off immediately. It takes time it takes time.

Speaker 2:

It takes time. It's, it's the realization that that has got to go at some point. I think when ghana became a little bit easier for me to stay was when I became like the locals yeah, understood why they do what they do. Otherwise, you pay 200 cities for a bottle of water. Meanwhile, it's three cities. Yeah, yeah, it's true, because you've chosen to, you've created a huge gap between you and the system. Yeah, and it's three cities. Yeah, yeah, it's true, because you've chosen to, you've created a huge gap between you and the system.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And it's the people that make the system.

Speaker 1:

And that's the biggest difference, right when you're coming from a world where you know Ghana, the most valuable currency in Ghana is relationships, yes, yes. But when you're coming from a world where basic things like if your streetlight is off, you call a number maybe you have an app that tells you the technician will arrive between 2 pm and 4 pm, the technician is on the way, the technician has arrived, the technician has repaired the situation, the technician is gone and you don't necessarily need people. You don't really understand how much you need people until you come to a place like Ghana. Again, for me and I'm talking about a situation like, listen, the first place I lived, we had all of these issues. You go outside, the light is literally on fire. You call the local company. They won't do anything. So you have to go and greet your neighbors, Please, do you know anyone who can repair this?

Speaker 1:

But until you live in a system where you're forced to really adopt that currency of relationships, you don't really understand how valuable that is, and sometimes that only comes through time. It only comes through time and experience. So and I think that, so you know, I tell people who are coming. I don't care if you're Ghanaian, Nigerian, if you're coming, if you haven't been in this culture for a while, you know you have to give grace to people and for those who are here, you know you have to give grace to those individuals as well, Because you know, I think all folks are just trying to come together and live together, but there's going to be conflict. No matter anytime you have cultures coming together, there's going to be conflict.

Speaker 2:

Let me stop you here for a minute. If you've been watching this show, I want you to subscribe and become part of the family. We are on a journey of changing the lives of people on this channel and we appreciate you for being here. But if you haven't become part of the family, connect with us. Hit the subscribe button and let's carry on the conversation. You mentioned in one of your interviewed interviews that you struggled with building relationships like genuine relationship with people yeah, yeah, I struggle because there's a few things.

Speaker 1:

Number one, because I personally have struggled with relationships, regardless of the context I'm in. That's me personally, regardless of the context. The second thing is, you know, classism and culture have never been significant factors in developing relationships when I was in the States. Because typically, when you are developing relationships with people, typically people move in the same kinds of groups, the same class, the same education. Normally and I'm not saying all the time, but normally you don't have folks who are, you know, have PhDs, and you have. It may come out wrong, but I don't care, but people have a certain kind of intellectual and social and economic pedigree and you're hanging out with people that are different, not to say you can't build relationships with them. But let me tell you how it plays out right now. Let's say you make a thousand cds a month and I make a hundred thousand cds a month and I say, chale, let's go have a good time tonight.

Speaker 1:

My idea of a good time is I could maybe spend five thousand cds tonight yeah right now, when it's time for us to go out and have a good time, and I want to spend 5,000 CDs. You may not have the capacity to do that, and I can afford it and it won't. It's like a drop in the bucket for me. Now for the record. Where's the camera? I don't. I don't make a million CDs a month all right, so don't, don't go, don't get it twisted.

Speaker 1:

but so now, when you build a relationship, sometimes you build relationships around social activities, around food and about family. Now Now let's say, for example, I want to invite you to my home. You make a thousand CDs a month. Maybe. I invite you to my home and Charlie, you're looking at my house like, hey, master, charlie, the guy has money. So now the relationship may turn into a sponsorship where my uncle is sick, my mother is sick, my daddy is sick, I want to go to school, can you help me?

Speaker 1:

Okay, no, and I'm not saying that you can't have genuine relationships with people that are different, but I'm saying it's the mentality and what we place on people based on those social expectations. So for me, the difficult thing was I go back to the example of you know, when I first moved here. The reality is forget how I saw myself when I moved to Ghana. Right, you're seen as a Bruni, right, and as a Bruni right, and as a Bruni, you have money. Oh, bugger, yes, and your money is limitless. You just go to the ATM and you get money. You, in fact, you don't have to even put deposits, it's just they're waiting for you.

Speaker 1:

So when someone has that mentality of you, how they engage you will be based around money Transactional it's transactional. And so where you think someone is generally trying to assist you, and maybe you've met a friend, you realize that it's transactional. Now, on the other hand, I've wisened up to understand more about where people are coming from right, how to say no, how to navigate relationships differently. But back then, when I was trying to develop develop relationships, I didn't know all of these things. So it was very difficult when someone is, hey, I'm calling you just to greet you and I'm like, oh man, this person is so nice and then I don't realize. It's just the how do you call it? The, the pre conversation to what, what is coming up.

Speaker 2:

Yes, you know something is coming. Yes, my daughter is yes, yes, yes. Have you ever had a phone call from your mechanic saying that? I've been heard from you know, wow, listen.

Speaker 1:

I've had phone calls from everybody.

Speaker 1:

So that's why, even when I, when I travel, I don't even tell people I'm traveling outside of Ghana. And when I'm outside of Ghana, if I see a number plus two, three, three, you don't pick, I don't pick up because I know it's oh my big, tell it and there's some things I need to do. Ok, I don't have a problem with giving people opportunities to work, but at the same time, listen, this is not a transactional relationship and I don't think, regardless of whether you're Ghanaian, a Nigerian, a South African, a Brazilian, nobody wants to be in a transactional relationship with anybody, regardless of who you are. But I think that sometimes, on one hand, I get it though.

Speaker 1:

Right, because that, let me say, average Ghanaian who may be making that 500 or a thousand CDs a month, who has been underexposed about the world and about how things work, not because they're dumb or stupid, just underexposed, right, they may not know the impact of consistently asking someone for money, and it's not just an African-American thing, right, I got so many of my friends who've moved to the UK, to the US, and they tell you Chale, chale. I don't even pick my phone the way people worry me. I'm a student, I don't have money, but, chale, people are asking me to send them this, this, this. So it's not just an African-American thing. It's the mentality that we have that says that when someone has something more than me, I am entitled to a piece of that, and I'm going to come for it.

Speaker 2:

That's the thing that makes it difficult. Again, it's so sad that it's happening, but it's not unique. Yeah, it's so sad that it's happening, but it's not unique it's not because, um even for some of us. You know it happens all the time, every day. Phone calls are coming in all the time. Yeah, you know the employees you have at a workplace every now and then.

Speaker 2:

You know they want to borrow against their salary yeah you know, and it keeps happening and you're thinking to yourself well, if this is what you're doing, then, given the opportunity, you're gonna steal. Exactly given the opportunity, if it arises, you're gonna steal. Yes, and that explains why. When I first started, you know, I sucked a lot of people very quickly you have to I didn't understand what was going on.

Speaker 2:

Now I'm beginning to try to navigate a little bit better, but there's always things happening in my mind. Should I, should I not know? Where is it gonna take? Where are we going to from here?

Speaker 1:

and it takes wisdom and understanding and knowledge to be able to make those decisions. For example, when I first came to ghana, I had house help and this person was stealing from me and I didn't do anything because it was 50 pesos, 30 pesos, oh that's, that's cool oh, it's no big deal, but the integrity piece.

Speaker 1:

If you steal 30 pesos, you will steal 3 000, and if I don't say anything about it, you understand, because someone told me, actually a ghanaian friend of mine, he said you know, I remember him saying listen, charlie, you will meet people, you will work with people for years and they will just break your heart. And I didn't really understand what he meant. And then, when I first moved in Ghana, it was a temporary house and the guy who owned the place I would see the way he would speak to his workers Ha, what are you doing? Don't put this here. I said, man, the guy is so mean. When I have workers, child, I'm going to be this, this, this, this and this, and you know what happens, child, the people say, ah, this foolish man, so let me take him for a ride. So for me, when I didn't sack the person for stealing 30 pesos or at least let me say, have a conversation I enabled this person. Eventually they stole my phone and I'm so stupid, I kept them on working with me and then eventually they stole like 50 CDs. Right, that was my problem. Being foolish, I would never allow someone to do that if I was working in the States, but my mentality was what is? 30 pesos? The person may not have it.

Speaker 1:

But now when I hire someone, my philosophy is I hire slow. I train well and I fire quickly. I hire slow. So anytime I work with somebody, they go through three interviews. The first interview they don't even know it's an interview. I'll have a conversation with them, charlie. Let me talk to you tomorrow at 3 pm on the phone. By 3 pm, 315, they don't come. I already know that they're not serious.

Speaker 1:

The second interview is talking more about the job itself. What do you want to do? Why do you want to do this? Okay, you live at Timma and you're working at this place. How much is the cho-cho fare for you to come from this place in this place? This is the salary. Are you sure you're okay with this salary? Because when you take this from this place to this place, this is the salary. Are you sure you're okay with this salary? Because when you take this from this place to this place, talley will be eating your salary. But have you thought about these things? The last interview is the formal. This is what it is. This is what it's not before we actually start. Then I train you. Here's the culture of the organization. In fact, I had to train some people when you're working with me, don't throw rubbish on the ground, don't throw rubbish in the Uber, because you represent me. How can I be out here talking about we love Africa?