Real Talk with Barbie: Journey to Joy Amidst Life's Unforeseen Challenges

When life threw a curveball at Barbie Wharton, she didn't just catch it—she tossed it back with a side of humor and a dash of resilience. Join us as the effervescent author, speaker, and Bell's Palsy advocate opens up about her journey, teaching us the art of finding joy amidst adversity. From the urgent need for medical attention to the role of stress in our health, Barbie's story is a masterclass in not just surviving but thriving—complete with life hacks on self-care and debunking myths surrounding her condition.

As we swap tales of personal trials, I reveal how vocal expression became my life raft through grief's tumultuous waters. We discuss the healing that comes from speaking our truth and the discoveries that unfold when we dare to stand up for what's important. With the launch of her podcast, "Real Talk with Barbie," she's bringing these candid, robust conversations to your ears, showcasing the untapped potential dialogue has in steering us through life's storms.

We conclude with a reminder that none of us are alone in our battles. Her moving speech at a Divorce Support Group summit reaffirms the solace found in communal support and the transformative power of shared narratives. As Barbie and I invite you to reach out and connect, we hope our heart-to-heart will inspire you to seek company during the tough times, find strength in unity, and maybe, just maybe, share a laugh along the way. So, plug in, listen up, and let's journey together toward resilience and joy with "Real Talk with Barbie."

Connect with Dionne Malush

• Instagram: @dionnerealtyonepgh
• LinkedIN: /in/dionnemalush
• Website: www.dionnemalush.com
• Facebook: /dmalush
• LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/dionnemalush

Connect with Dionne Malush

• Instagram: @dionnerealtyonepgh
• LinkedIN: /in/dionnemalush
• Website: www.dionnemalush.com
• Facebook: /dmalush
• LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/dionnemalush

Transcript

Dionne Malush: 0:02

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to rise above challenges with grace and humor? Today we're diving into the world of someone who embodies resilience, joy and the power of embracing life's journey with an open heart. Welcome to the Shine On Success podcast, where we explore the stories of those who not only think and grow rich, but live it. Meet our guest, an author, speaker, Bell's Palsy and self-care advocate who's turned her trials into triumphs. Barbie Wharton, If you're ready to be inspired and laugh along the way, you're in the right place. Don't forget to connect with us on social media to continue the conversation. So welcome Barbie. I'm so excited to have you. How are you doing today?

Barbie Wharton: 0:40

Hi, I'm great. Thank you so much for welcoming me onto your show and congratulations on rolling and getting so many episodes getting going. It's always really inspiring to see new podcasters continue on and you're doing great. 15 or 16 episodes, that's amazing.

Dionne Malush: 0:56

Thank you. It's exciting and I forgot to say my name Dionne Malush I am the host and you never know what you're going to come up with. I wing it sometimes and it's fun. But I also really resonate with your story because, before you tell me a little bit about yours, I have had my husband has had Bell's Palsy and three cranial and six cranial nerve palsy over the years, but he is actually doing very well, and so I want to hear about it. So tell me your story. Tell me about Barbie.

Barbie Wharton: 1:30

Well, that isn't that a small world that your husband has experienced with that as well, so you are familiar with it. A lot of people aren't. It is something that isn't necessarily uncommon, but it isn't as common as things like breast cancer and things like that. So there isn't a lot of money that goes into research in those areas and exposure. So I do like to talk a lot about it with my listeners and in my communities so that we are aware of these things so that if someone does come down with it, you are aware of what's going on with yourself.

Barbie Wharton: 2:06

I got Bell's Palsy in 2015. It was a September Monday morning. My boys were nine and seven at the time and it was just one of those regular mornings where you're just looking for socks and packing lunches and doing all the things. And at the time I was married and we had the house and the suburbs and had the friends and the parties and I was trying to be the perfect partner and the perfect mom and the perfect everything right, perfect, perfect, perfect, doing everything for everyone else. And yeah, so that does resonate a lot and woke up and Bell's Palsy is sudden onset. So within the first 48 hours is when you'll have that paralysis on your left side. Now a lot of people do think it's a stroke, but if you have no effect in any other limbs or anything like that, then it is quite possible or quite probable that you have. It is very important that you do get to the hospital right away to get those prescription medications. It isn't something that you can just say, oh you know, I'll get around to it. The first 48 hours are imperative with that. So I do encourage people to make sure that if you have Bell's Palsy or a suspicion of Bell's Palsy See, that's another thing I think with us, especially particularly as women, where you're like, oh, it's fine, I don't want to bother anybody, you know, and it is, yeah, right, and it is important to get your butt in there and get those medications and get it checked out. You know that's what the health professionals are there for. They're there to help us and they want to.

Barbie Wharton: 3:44

A few months ago, actually, I did have a scare. I thought I had it coming back and yeah, and it ended up being a really mild case of shingles. Actually. Really, my doctor figured, yeah, but I had a lot of pain in my Bell's Palsy side. Your Bell's Palsy side is. You know they call it your Achilles heel. Now, like I will feel, you know, like farmers say, oh, I got a pain in my shoulder and I will feel that stress or muscle strain in that side of my face first, and you know my husband, I said, oh, you know, it'll be fine. You know I'm in Canada so sometimes we have, you know, issues with our healthcare etc. And you know my husband, you know well what would you tell someone if it was one of your listeners and of course I was like get your butt to the okay good point.

Barbie Wharton: 4:35

So off I went and it ended up being, like I said, a mild case of shingles. But I can't remember my point. I got a little bit off track there. But it is important that if you do that, that you reach out and get the medications right away.

Dionne Malush: 4:54

So tell me at the beginning, when it first happened, how did you feel? Like what? What as a woman, what did you feel?

Barbie Wharton: 5:02

Well, like I said, you know, it was kind of one of those Monday mornings and no-transcript, no, so Bell's palsy doesn't really have pain, it is kind of, I would say, I felt like I was coming down with a cold. See, now, looking back, right Now looking back, it's not like there was anything where I could say you know, if you have this, make sure this happens.

Dionne Malush: 5:29

Three, days later.

Barbie Wharton: 5:30

I felt like I was coming down with a cold. It's a virus, you know. You just need to. I don't know. I took some vitamin C and took some green juice and thought that that was okay. So it's similar, like you know, if you feel like you're getting a cold sore coming on, you know you're running down. So the virus is similar to the cold sore virus, chicken pox, herpes, those things, and so when you're looking back you can kind of see that it was coming, but it isn't anything unique to other things.

Dionne Malush: 6:04

Okay, makes sense. Yeah, so you're so busy, you have so many things going on, so how many kids do you have?

Barbie Wharton: 6:11

I have two boys. They're 18 and 16 now and they're high level lacrosse players, yeah, so that does keep. That keeps me busy. Yeah, and I also have started a new podcast. It's called Real Talk with Barbie and I'm very excited about that. Now I had taken the Bells Paulsy Talk community. I started it during the pandemic in 2020. And I really missed. I used to run dance competitions and we had to close that during COVID, so I really missed that being on stage and talking with people. And that's when I started the Bells Paulsy Talk platform and I really enjoy speaking with survivors of Bells Paulsy. Having them on they tell their story. It's really a passion project of mine and I thought, hey, let's take it to the next level and start a podcast. So the topics that I talk to my community and my listeners about, things like self-care I don't know all the things that is applicable to so many people in my life. So I've started that podcast. I'm really excited about it. Enjoy having that.

Dionne Malush: 7:19

So tell us what else you do. What else is a day in Barbie's life look like?

Barbie Wharton: 7:24

So I'm also a real estate assistant. I work as a real estate assistant and a consultant on the side, doing social media and marketing, and I really enjoy doing that. I love being out. As you know, the real estate industry is very busy. Keeps you on your toes.

Dionne Malush: 7:41

Definitely I love it. I love it when you do that. I love all of social media too. That's great. I love that.

Barbie Wharton: 7:46

Yeah, so I really enjoy doing that as well and just really encouraging people to use their voice to heal. So, after going through anything, whether it's divorce, whether it's the pandemic, whether it's facial paralysis, there's so much that we have in common. But even if our situations aren't exactly the same, we can help each other out with healing trauma, healing your nervous system, using your voice, speaking up and really taking care of ourselves. And that's really important for everyone else in our lives, for our partners, for the people we work with, for our kids. If we take care of ourselves first, then we make room, you know, for them and to allow them to heal as well, and that's just. That's really what I've been passionate speaking about mostly lately.

Dionne Malush: 8:41

So it's speaking helping you to overcome the adversity. So is that what, when you talk about your voice, like, are you using speaking as the platform for overcoming it? Because I know you know you're right, we all have things that happen, all of us go through a lot, and I Think that if we don't share it and we keep it bottled up inside, it hurts so much more. And you know, I've been through a lot of things in my life too, and you know I was recently my dad passed away, who was my person, and I struggled. Yesterday I I have the biggest tears come out of my eyes, like I don't know where they come from. They just keep. They're like so big and they just keep coming out. And so, you know, in my husband I said, you know he's had, he's had some metaphor issues too, and it's, it's a lot, but if I don't have anyone to talk to you, it just keeps me like I'm strangled with it. You know I can't.

Barbie Wharton: 9:30

I need to write it out the emotions and the energy of grief or Anything that we're processing, lives in our body and if it doesn't get released, like you're saying, through tears or words or or some sort of somatic release in your nervous system, then it turns into disease or pain or things like bells fallsy. And I Will tell you that I, when I've spoken to every single person who's gotten bells palsy on my feet. They are going through an extremely stressful time when they're not speaking up for themselves, where they're in a situation or a relationship where they're feeling controlled or their anger is being held in. When I got bells Palsy, the first thing I did was look up. You know, louise, hey met a physical reason for bells palsy because I was like there's, there's a reason this is happening to me. This is not just.

Barbie Wharton: 10:20

I am not a person that just thinks, oh well, there's no reason for stuff. There's absolutely no reason that you sitting beside Somebody else on the bus and you get bells palsy and they don't. There's there's no Reason that a virus that can be, you know, dormant in a lot of us, where it shows up in one person or not, other than a metaphysical reason, in my opinion, like that is not so, of course, I look it up and Louise Hayes reason for that is, you know, anger that you're holding in and you're not using your voice. So what happens? Right, your mouth is paralyzed, fascinating, mind blowing blows my mind. So so you know, then I'm like, okay, gotta, I'm a solutions girl and it's like there is a lesson that I need to learn and I'm continually learning that of using my voice, standing up for myself. And you know, when I told my mom that she's like, oh, you're always chatting, you know, but and using your voice are very different things and I'm learning that and I Right to speak to my listeners about that.

Barbie Wharton: 11:29

Using your voice is very different for different people. You know. It doesn't mean getting on a podcast or dancing with a mic in front of a bunch of people are doing all these reels. It means using your voice for what matters to you and how you need it right. So that's where you know you need to figure out what that is. First and Definitely, standing up for ourselves, speaking up our opinions and our views is very, very healing, but the first step is to figure out what the heck that is, because I think a lot of the times we spend so much time working and focusing on making everyone else happy, that we don't even stop to think about what makes us happier, what we like doing, and so, of course, that's step one for anybody for everybody.

Dionne Malush: 12:18

I think the lot of sense and you know I I'm excited for you and that in your podcast, real talk with Barbie, so I Guess we just said that, like when you really talk, when you, when you really say how you feel, you know, I guess that's kind of how you come up with the name and you've seemed to face some serious adversity and you're, you're proved positive, that you can get back up and keep moving on, and that's what this shows all about is people that have been through adversity and Tell me more about the future. So you have this new podcast. What else are you doing?

Barbie Wharton: 12:55

So I'm very excited about, yeah, like I said, my new podcast and I'm also really excited about speaking more. And that's where you and I met on a group where people say, hey, you know what, I'm looking for guests on my new podcast and my goal is to just say, yes, hey, you know what, I'm gonna hop on and just and see where it goes. I love the fact that you and I in our podcast world here, anybody's able to do it and anybody's able to, you know, use your voice and give it a shot, and why not try, you know? So I'm really excited about you know, taking more opportunities to speak.

Barbie Wharton: 13:36

I, you know, spoke at a summit yesterday. Yeah, it was an online, so it's Divorce Support Group for Women. It's on Facebook and, you know, 27,000 members and these women come together and it's really I mean, I have been divorced, I'm in my second marriage now. I hadn't been a part of this group, you know, I joined it after I was asked to speak at the summit and it's just so cool to see, you know, these women post a question and everybody kind of hopping on and this is what I've learned and this is, and that's really, that's really nice to see those kinds of things.

Barbie Wharton: 14:09

So I spoke at the summit about using your voice and using big trauma and big things that happen in our life, like a parent dying. You know, my dad died about 10 years ago too. I totally know how that is. He was, you know, one of my very best friends and the first person I would call if I had good news. So I know what you're going through.

Barbie Wharton: 14:29

So we take these traumas that happen in our life, this kind of event where you can put your finger on a certain day and you can feel how you're a different person on the other side of it, and that will, you know, evolve as it goes. But what I like to encourage is use that opportunity to say, hey, you know what now, what you know, something like you know as an adult, when our parents pass away, that I mean it's part of life, whether they've you know how to. You know, my dad died at 66, you know that's too early, but it is what it is, that's life. So then now, what's my next step? How do I make sure, you know, I hold them in my heart and I carry them along with me when I do take these new opportunities? So we take a trauma or something that's happened to us and when we speak about it, help other people or allow other people's light to shine with us through it, then it makes it kind of matter more, in my opinion.

Dionne Malush: 15:29

If I take yeah, I have a friend here in Pittsburgh that is a divorce coach. That's what she is and it's really interesting to watch her in her marketing and the things that she's doing. You know, I have fortunately, I've only been married once and I love him dearly.

Dionne Malush: 15:46

He's amazing, but we were together 25 years and we just got married. It's been seven years now and you know, I hope that I don't have to, because I've seen a lot of divorce and I've seen how that affects people, everyone around you. But I do see a lot of women bouncing back, you know, in different ways and because they're able to be their own person and, you know, affect people and I think we do go through a lot of the stuff. We go through to share these stories, right, that we can share with someone else to help them, and it's like we get these gifts and they're. It's sometimes at the moment it seems very negative, but truly there's positivity in every negative. You just have to be strong and to find it and that's what I'm trying to say Now, what's your friend's name?

Barbie Wharton: 16:27

Who's the divorce coach? Her name?

Dionne Malush: 16:29

is Melissa Her last name. I can't it's hold on. I'll get you her last name real quick. Yeah, because there was.

Barbie Wharton: 16:34

I have seen quite a few come across my feed now that I've. You know, once you start certain groups and you'll see different things, and that's a perfect example. You know I like to to speak about that. You know I took the Bell's palsy situation and it was actually my friend Ashley, that was like, hey, you know what? You should start talking about this? People don't talk about it. Taking an opportunity where something like divorce or Bell's palsy or anything like that it's happened to you. You can't change that Right. So how we respond to it really is our only choice.

Dionne Malush: 17:05

And her last name is. Her name is Melissa Jell, or Dushy, I think that's how you say it Hancock. So I think the Hancock's the easy part. Her maiden name's a little. So she's a divorce coach, melissa. You, I should definitely see if I can get the two of you together. That would be great.

Barbie Wharton: 17:19

Yeah, I love that because I really am enjoying this summit and just being able to connect with other people who have gone through similar things and just because our situations you know everybody's divorce, or parent passing away, or Bell's palsy or any of those things obviously they're very unique and personal to each person, but there's so much at the essence of stuff that's the same that we can help each other through Right Like, of course, I've met you today for the first time. I don't know your dad, I don't know those things, but there's so many feelings that are similar. So I think that if we stick together and really work on raising each other up, then we can really help each other out more.

Dionne Malush: 18:01

And you don't know unless you talk about it, right? You don't know what someone's pain is unless they share it and talk about it. And sometimes I feel like, for me, I fill myself up with the calendar so much to do that I don't have time to grieve. I don't give myself that time. So yesterday, when I, you know, and I, something just hit me and I was driving it, I was just crying so hard and I couldn't stop it from happening. I could talk and they were still coming out Like they're just flowing out of my eyes and I miss him terribly and I never felt a pain like this before.

Dionne Malush: 18:34

It's the most unique and I've had so many people pass away in my life, but this one was just so different and you know, and then when I started working on this podcast, I thought you know, I'm doing it, I'm getting through adversity. People, most people. One person said to me yesterday I wasn't sure if you would be able to get through it. And I it's amazing to watch you and you know, I feel like some of it. I like I'm putting on a happy face and I'm still sad inside, but I'm still putting it on and I'm still getting up and moving forward every single day.

Barbie Wharton: 19:08

And the thing is this really important is to get up and move forward without negating those feelings. You're taking them with you, you're not pushing them down or ignoring, because I think that that is something that you hit really well on the head is that we tend to really try to busy ourselves. There's a difference between trying to busy yourself and keeping busy. So, when you're going through a grief period, it is very important to keep busy, but not to busy yourself, to avoid the feelings. You got to take the feelings with you, and that's where I think that there's that really fine line.

Barbie Wharton: 19:41

Also, something that you're doing which is great to your listeners, to something to take along to suggest, is, when you're going through a very hard time, it is important to have something positive to focus your energy on. So for you using this podcast, for example, or sometimes people it's their pets or their kids or their job it is important to be able to sometimes, when we're not shining in one arena, we can focus on another, and that doesn't mean that we're not. You're taking the grief with you, right? You're not shoving it in the closet. You need to kind of hold its hand and okay, we're doing this today. Parent yourself a little bit to say okay, yes, of course you're moving a little bit slower when you're going through a grieving period and try not to push yourself, but you do need to kind of like it up, because if you stay in bed for the next six months, that's not going to help you either.

Dionne Malush: 20:35

No, that's not going to help at all.

Barbie Wharton: 20:36

It's definitely not going to, but it is a really interesting, isn't it? It's a very fine line between allowing you to. I don't want to get up some days I don't.

Dionne Malush: 20:46

I feel like I really just could just stay in bed, and I know that if I did that I would be disappointing him because at the end of the day, I am part of him and he loved that about me. He loved how hard I worked and that I had so much passion for things. And he used to tell me he is I live like the last 10 years. He wasn't able to do a lot of the things and go on to vacations that he wanted to and he said I watch you and I live through you and I love that. And he was just.

Dionne Malush: 21:13

He always believed, no matter what I did, it was always right. He's that one person in the whole earth. No matter what I did, it didn't matter, because he loved me that much and he loved it. I have sisters too and he loved that. He loved my sister so much and he was a girl dad. And it's funny because I hear that people say that and I didn't probably tell about six months ago think, oh, my dad's a girl dad too. It's kind of cool girl dad.

Dionne Malush: 21:38

It is.

Barbie Wharton: 21:39

And it sounds like we do have a lot in common. I have a sister and my dad was super supportive and I think that you just really hit it on the head there. He lived through you. So those are the things where you can kind of take that joy and excitement as opposed to sadness. You can miss them, but you can take that joy and excitement with you, that he's there with you, as opposed to us grieving and taking the negative part. And that's what I always say you take the grief with you, don't fight it, because if you have a raccoon in your backyard, it's easier to get it out. If you just kind of coach it along, as opposed to you put up a fight, it's going to be a lot harder for everyone, so it's going to last a lot longer.

Dionne Malush: 22:25

I think I'll use that. That's cute. I like that. So one last piece of advice for our listeners today on something that you would tell them to help them get through an adversity in their business and their life. Give us one more thing.

Barbie Wharton: 22:41

I think we just need to give ourselves a break. I think that when we talk to somebody else, we're always like oh, you know what, You're doing your best, all those kinds of things. And we need to do that for ourselves too. You cannot be all the things to all the people at all the time. You can have everything that you want. You might just not be able to have it all at once. So you need to kind of give yourself a break and give yourself some grace and kind of work, one step at a time, Whereas for me I'm always kind of down on myself, like, oh, I haven't done enough or I haven't accomplished enough and you got to give yourself a break.

Dionne Malush: 23:17

That makes a lot of sense. So, for anybody looking to connect with you, learn from you or just share a story, where can they find you online?

Barbie Wharton: 23:25

The best place is Instagram. I'm always around on there, so my handles that I use actively on there are Real Talk Barbie and Barbie Wharton, and they can kind of connect there, and I also have my website, which is barbywartoncom, and I can be reached there at any time, and I would love for all your listeners to listen to my new podcast called Real Talk with Barbie, and it's on Apple, amazon, all the platforms that you can find there and you can link from my website as well.

Dionne Malush: 23:53

That's great. I appreciate you being on with me today and everyone. You know how to find me and I hope that you've gained some inspiration from Barbie's story and we will see you on the next one. Thank you so much.

Barbie Wharton: 24:05

Bye.