Hip-Hop Feuds, Life's Purpose, and Trust in Relationships: The Heartbeat of Our Journey

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Hey fam, it's your cousin Toya, and let me tell you, we've got a fire session of Thinking Out Loud that's going to get you all charged up. Ever wondered how the echoes of rap battles resonate beyond the studio? We're breaking down the hype and hazards of hip-hop feuds, from Quavo and Chris Brown's latest tiff to the unforgettable tales of 50 Cent, Ja Rule, Biggie, and Tupac. Then, we're flipping the script to ponder our paths in life, spurred by Steve Harvey's nuggets on purpose—do you feel like you're grabbing life by the horns?

Buckle up because I'm taking you behind the scenes of my own journey into podcasting, where dreams are loud and authenticity rules. I spill the tea on how Thinking Out Loud was born from a craving to inspire and connect, especially with my fellow queens seeking guidance through the maze of modern love and life's curveballs. And, oh yes, we're getting real with a listener's heartfelt question about weaving the fragile threads of trust in relationships, serving up a cocktail of raw truths and the wisdom that's helped me evolve.

Closing out, we're embracing the power of patience, positivity, and your voices shaping our talks. Whether you're wrestling with heartbreak, trust tremors, or the thrill of new beginnings, keep your head high and hope handy. So, hit play and let's journey through the beats of life, love, and everything in between, right here on Thinking Out Loud—with me, your cousin Toya, always keeping it 100.

* some of the content used in this show I do not own the rights

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to Thinking Out Loud with your favorite cousin, Cousin Toya, where the thoughts in your head become real conversations.

Speaker 2: 0:23

Good morning Frisco. It's your favorite cousin Toya, and welcome to another episode of Thinking Out Loud, and y'all already know it's about to go down on a Tuesday. I hope that you guys have been having a great week. It's been a crazy two weeks, like it's been a lot going on in my world. A lot going on in the world. Hey, social media is in a frenzy right now. But to smooth things over, I know we all are on this high about this whole Quavo and Chris Brown thing. I really don't like getting into celebrity type stuff but it's wild. But just to smooth over, the morning DJ, give us something to rock to real quick.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Chris, I don't want no hate smoke, bro. I don't want no smoke. I don't want fights and I don't want to do nothing bro. Like please, bro, who want smoke with me? Who want smoke with me? Who want smoke with?

Speaker 2: 1:28

me Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, dj. That ain't what we doing on this show. Give us something to rock with, man. Well, now that we see that our DJ cannot be trusted, let's get into the show.

Speaker 2: 1:55

So rap beef has been going on since the beginning of time. There has been some really fun ones over the years. I remember when 50 Cent and Ja Rule was going at it. Oh my God, I think 50 Cent murdered Ja Rule. But it's fun to listen to the different battles because that's what rap is about. It's part of the culture.

Speaker 2: 2:19

But the thing that worries me is when it gets taken too far. That worries me, um, is when it gets taken too far, when people are behind the scenes and different things are going on and people are just, you know, kind of like Biggie and Tupac you know what I'm saying. Like, um, like Tupac, ate up that. Uh, that I think that's the hardest diss since Chris. Yeah, chris Brown got the hardest diss since Tupac. But the thing of it is is that we didn't know all what was behind the scenes. You know what I'm saying. Well, we knew a little bit, but we didn't know that it was going to end in death. And so whenever these rap beefs start. That's the thing that I be worried about as far as our community, as far as our culture, that we don't take things too far and get things out of perspective, man.

Speaker 2: 3:07

But I do want to say this Chris Brown seems like the person that was chilling. And then y'all know how Quavo is. Quavo is like pop off. He not thinking about what he's saying, and so and I love Quavo, don't get me wrong, I'm not on here hating on amigos, don't cancel me off, set but and rest in peace. To Take Off, take Off was such a great talent. But the thing that I worry about is that sometimes the world is like you know, quavo did this, came at Chris Brown, and this person comes back out. He retaliates. Well, like in the real world, most of the time you don't see the person who passed the first lick. All you see is the person who retaliated. And it's like the world is on this. You can get your lick back, but don't hit too hard. Like huh, wait a minute. Yes, like it's just bananas.

Speaker 2: 4:13

Like I can remember, I've been in the same predicament as Chris Brown. Like I've been chilling, I've been watching this, I'm like y'all, wow. And then some people say some fly stuff. And you sit there like y'all, wow. And then some people say some fly stuff. And you sit there like okay. And then I say something, y'all when I say something, everybody going to block me. Like are you going to block me when I finish talking what I'm saying? And I know that my guardian angel is up there like sis, know we doing this christian thing, but you ain't gonna never get to heaven if you keep tripping. But, um, I'm reminded of when, uh, y'all remember that part in friday when, uh, when red went to go get his, yeah, he went over there with them people that he did not need to go over there messing with Right, and that's what Quavo done, did he done came over there messing with some people. That's really about their life. This is Quavo walking over to Chris Brown. I'm stripping man. You want me to ask for my bike back?

Speaker 1: 5:29

Oh, oh, you want something to do, man? Huh, no, I don't know why you come down here messing with these people. Hurry up.

Speaker 2: 5:50

So we definitely got to watch out like who we messing with in life and are we really about that life?

Speaker 1: 6:00

No matter who you are, no matter where you are in life, you can take the lid off of your job. And if you're wondering if you still have the lid on in your life, here are some clues that's going to let you know that the lid is still on. If you're not excited about waking up in the morning, if you're sitting around bored out of your mind, if you got time to do everything anybody asked you to do, you probably got the lid on. If, when you tell your dreams to all your friends, it makes sense to them, you got your lid on. Man, your dreams should be should not make sense to everybody. You got to say something that make people go. How are you going to do that? That's when you got the lid off, and if I were you, I'd do that.

Speaker 2: 6:48

So definitely, I think that Steve Harvey says some very powerful things sometimes and I just be finding little stuff. I love listening to motivational speakers and so Steve Harvey definitely made a point there. And so that takes us straight into our first question of the day. And this writer writes in and she says hey, cousin Toya, so I am, I'm thinking about starting a podcast. I am, I'm thinking about starting a podcast. I am super nervous. She says and I'm just paraphrasing you guys, because y'all be telling me I am. So she's saying that she's very nervous. Put her business out, you know, and she really doesn't know why she wants to start a podcast, but she just feels that there's something that she wants to do. Ok, so let let let your cousin think about it for a second so I can give you the best answer.

Speaker 2: 8:07

So when you're starting a podcast, the first thing that I would say do and I know y'all always hear me say this when you're about to go after a dream or a goal, you have to sit down and have a meeting with you and yourself. So when I was thinking about this podcast thing, it was mainly because I'm a motivational speaker and I just have not had the time, the space to really be out Like y'all. I used to go to like um, speak at girls, like juvenile girl homes and stuff like that. Like I would go and speak with those girls and stuff like that. But life sometimes, in different points in your life, you don't have time. So I was like I really need to to put my voice out there and don't lose that. But at the same time, I'm not a person who is I just I don't like doing it, just putting my business out. But at the same time, you guys, every time I stand up and teach motivational speaking, anything like that I'm telling my life story. Then I started thinking about my legacy. I started thinking about the blueprint of it all. I want to watch it all unfold, all this stuff that I'm trying to be. I wish I had started a podcast at 20 so that I could watch the dream happen right, and I really want to see where all of this stuff is going. And so I said that my podcast was going to one. It was going to serve someone. That's how you know the difference between just some goal you have in your head and an actual purpose, when your thing has a meaning to serve someone else. I want people girls, women, normal women to wake up and hear someone going through the same stuff they're going through, and I want to let young girls hear real conversations from a woman that goes to church and dates and she's not married. I want people to feel what's real, y'all. And so on the flip side, then I have my goals and my dreams and my blueprint and my legacy. So that's how my podcast unfolded.

Speaker 2: 10:54

The reason why I say you sit down with yourself a meeting, me, as in Toya, myself as in Monroe and I, as in Latoya. Those are the three people that's floating around in my head at all times. I gather them in the living room. I say hey, y'all, I got an idea. Toya told them her idea. Latoya said said that's wonderful. Um, you already a motivational speaker. Um, it can kind of give you a platform. I mean, she just really went for it. Monroe popped up and said you mean, I got to get up every Tuesday morning and talk to who? I don't feel like talking to people. Why are we doing it? So finally, we got all three of Toya's on the same page and we went forward.

Speaker 2: 11:59

When you start a podcast, you're going to be nervous. When you start your podcast. My first advice to you do not go back looking for comments likes. You cannot wake up doing it for that, because I think the first podcast now I go back and look it might've had two downloads. Now I go back and look it might've had two downloads. You know there were a million people listening to it. You can see not, you can't see who actually listens to it, but you can see your status on different platforms. But people were not actually downloading it. You know what I'm saying. So don't, don't start it for that, but really sit down with yourself. That know what I'm saying. So don't start it for that, but really sit down with yourself. That's what I would say and really look at the purpose of why you want to start a podcast. And then go for it, girl. And it don't have to make sense to everybody. Like Steve Harvey said, your thing not going to make sense to everybody, but as long as it makes sense to you, and even if you fall flat on your face, you're trying, you're going through life, you're exploring, and that's where dreams are made and created. And so definitely sit down with yourself, have a meeting and go for it, honey, and don't be worried about what you're going to say wrong, because, honey, I say a million things on here wrong, but I say 80% of stuff that's real and that people need to hear. Okay, so that's what I would say to that.

Speaker 2: 13:54

So this next part of the show that I added in, we're gonna call this riddle riddle, and I know y'all are like so where you get that? From when we were younger, and I really don't remember this, but my mom tells the story of like, I don't know, we would be like during the summer or whatever, and we would y'all don't take this wrong we would have groceries. It's not like we were hungry, but you know she hadn't. Went grocery shopping and it was kind of, uh, milk, but no cereal or peanut butter, no jelly, you know. So she would get us in the kitchen and we would kind of make a spread, so to speak, or whatever was in there, and that would, you know, create our own lunch. And so what brought the idea up was that my sister sent like a little riddle to me and we were all in a group message trying to figure it out. So I thought it would be kind of fun to just add that to the show. Keep you, you know, entertained.

Speaker 2: 14:59

So this is the riddle for today what is something that belongs to you but everyone else uses? Okay, so stay with me and I'm going to tell you the answer. At the end of the show I'm going to go ahead and tell you. So I my. My answer was what? One of my answers was Jesus, and two of us say Jesus don't belong to you. And then I said my business and my past, because people will really, yes, like my past, people will just use that Girl, what me at 20 and me now what you going back digging it up for you know, like that does not belong to you, that belongs to me. But obviously my answer went wrong. So we will most definitely at the end we will answer that riddle riddle.

Speaker 2: 16:03

I don't want your man Cause I got it like that, but it ain't even gotta be like that your man, he be calling me back. You see, I'm fine and, a matter of fact, he ask how I do that that fit my jeans over baby fat. Listen, I don't know the type of tricks he playing Y'all, back in the day they used to be really jamming. Not saying that they don't be jamming now, but, honey, our back in the day they used to be really jamming. Not saying that they don't be jamming now, but, honey, our back in the day Because I know, like you say that and people be like the temptations is the back in the day Girl. That was back in your day. But we definitely enjoy all the music and everything that the DJ throws our way.

Speaker 2: 16:52

But let's take a moment y'all so I know y'all look like toya what's the subject for today? Well, I'm gonna tell you the subject, but before I tell you the subject y'all, I really want to talk to y'all about something. Okay, guys, and y'all know I'm over here jingling, don't, don't judge me. Um, we need to talk. Okay, we need to have a meeting, because I need to know what's going on. Let me take a drink of my, of my tea.

Speaker 2: 17:27

So when I heard this, when this first came to mind, I was talking to my mom or sister or somebody on the phone and they were telling me a story about a girl she was dating and the guy ended up taking her off somewhere to be to be sold into human trafficking. Okay, so when I heard the story, obviously I was like, cause she told me that it was like over there in, like you know, college station. Um, if you know where Texas A&M is, that's what. That's the area I'm talking about. And so you already know that Houston area is like one of the number one places for human trafficking, right, and when I say the Houston area, now Houston, I know that people from Houston be like, oh, if you're not in Houston zip, listen here. Like, oh, if you're not in Houston zip code, listen here. Y'all activities is affecting us all. So we're going to say the Houston area, if you from Navasota Croc, houston area down there by the South listen to me. And so something told me.

Speaker 2: 18:49

You know I'll be Googling late at night. That's what people do. That's single and don't have nobody to live with. I'm not single. When I say single, y'all mean not married. I spend a lot, I spend a lot of nights here by myself, so Googling, and I was looking at all these different stories about guys who. That was their whole motivation for dating these women Y'all. Can I ask y'all a question what happened to using a woman for her money? Or using a woman while you're in prison? Or your daddy used to beat your mama, so now you're going to beat me. What happened to that? Now we done graduated into playing with people so that you can take them off and be sold. Y'all doing some real white around the ankles, ashy type stuff, man. So, yes, so I'm not going to go. I'm not going to take up the whole podcast, going through all four or five of these stories. I'll just stick to the one that I went back and researched for, the one in the college station area.

Speaker 2: 20:09

So this young lady and shout out to this young lady, if you ever hear my podcast and you want to come on my show, sis, I will do an interview all about you, because I think this is absolutely ridiculous. So she was dating a guy and the girl. It was like the girl met the guy from my understanding, and was like out on vacation with him the next week. It was like she dated him, she thought she knew him, he was playing the game. So they go off on vacation wherever and at some point you know people get you off on vacation. You don't got your pistol with your girl. You know what I'm saying. You got to do what these people say. So basically, he was going to sell her into. That's what he was into. Luckily, these I don't know if the police had already had, you know trackings on him, investigations, but some kind of way the young lady ended up getting rescued.

Speaker 2: 21:16

You guys, can you imagine trying to date after that and these people? That's why it is y'all. It is dangerous dating in the city, like I'm a country girl and don't get me wrong, um, I try dating people from my hometown. But let me tell y'all something about these country men. Okay, first of all, if you go to one of these small towns where I'm from Crockett, centerville, Madisonville, huntsville, college State I'm calling y'all out Navasota Let me tell y'all something, something.

Speaker 2: 22:16

80% of the time them men got some main girl that they, yeah, they might be on a break, but his little raunchy self gonna have to go, but that's his safety net. He going back over there with her, you, just some sexy little thing that he done, met and, yeah, he, he wished he could have a woman like you. But I'm telling y'all what's going on in these country towns. But then when you come to the city and you're dating, now you got to worry about being sold. It's just real ratchet and ghetto. Basically, that lady was the only one that I read about that had been saved.

Speaker 2: 23:04

All the rest of these girls, y'all that I was reading about these women. To this day we don't know where they are, we don't know if they're yes, know we don't know if they're yes. And so that's why I'm telling y'all, y'all, when y'all are dating these city dudes y'all have got to figure out you have to take every precaution. Y'all. I've been dating the guy and me and the guy, we was kind of. We went through a rough patch. So I don't know if you want to say we've been together a year and a half. You might want to trickle that down to a year and three months.

Speaker 2: 23:44

Me and him, we flew out of no country. We're not going. I need to sit down with everybody. I need to feel Y'all not taking me. No, y'all not taking me. No, I just no. But I just y'all know that I'm into some dark stuff sometimes, like I love watching. Uh, sometimes I get along here I be watching snap, but um, it's. I just my heart goes out to women that are in the dating world. Like it is so hard, sis. So take precaution, take every, any little thing in your head. You need to just listen to it, because most of the time you're not wrong.

Speaker 2: 24:41

Ok, so the other thing that I wanted to say was that, whoever these men are, especially the woman, whoever that man was, that where the girl got rescued, let me tell you something, sir I hope that, wherever y'all are for her and the other ladies, to the men that did that to them. I hope you wake up in the morning and your kneecaps have fall off and you can't walk anymore. I hope that you are captured and taken, because you have formed some type of illness that can't nobody cure and they don't want anybody else infected. So they ain't going to take you to a deserted island and they're going to leave you on that island and then on that island it's going to have little bugs that eat people flesh and they're just going to slowly eat your flesh and then they're going to discover that this is happening to you, and then they're going to discover that this is happening to you and, since they don't want the rest of the world contaminated with your disease that you have now, they are going to tie you to a tree and burn you. That's what I think, because that is absolutely ridiculous. Like I just yeah, dating out here, y'all Oof, it's real ratchet. It's concerning to me, it's concerning, and now everybody looking at me like whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2: 26:40

But anyways, on to our next subject, honey. So we are gonna take one more question of the day and it is from another young lady. Hey, girl. She said what's up, cousin Toya, so I am in a new relationship I say new, new being about five to six months. Okay, cool girl. Well, congratulations, I hope you and your boo. I hope it lasts. And she says I am having a really hard time with trust. I went to counseling and everything. Thought I was ready for a relationship, but now that the relationship is taking place, I just find myself having even more trust issues than what I thought I had.

Speaker 2: 27:35

Girl, some of this stuff that y'all write in, I'll be like so nervous to give advice because I'll be like, if my boyfriend hear me answer these questions for y'all, he gonna be like so you do know what to do, you just don't. So let me tell you all I can do is tell you, um, my story. Um, so, after my um learning experience because we said we're not gonna say bad relationships, we're gonna keep a good vibe um, I ended up, I moved out here to Frisco after that relationship and whatnot, and I did, I took the time to really go to counseling and try learning myself, getting you know a good career and my own, you know I was. Me and my sister used to live together. I mean we were. If me and Tori in the same city, we're going to live together Like it don't matter, because somebody doing good, somebody doing bad, like that, they don't have nothing to do with it. We just we're in the same city, we're going to live together Like it don't matter, cause somebody doing good, somebody doing bad, like that, that don't have nothing to do with it. We just we're in the same city. I want to be with my sister, you know. And so, um, I was getting my own place, starting a better career. Honey, I had me a savings account. I just going to camp, I thought I had it really all together.

Speaker 2: 29:01

When I started dating, I thought I had it all together, but as I started dating him I realized, okay, I still have the trust issues, okay. And in the beginning I will say um, janelle taught me things. He would do things like um, janelle is good about checking in it's not that that man is checking in because, oh, I got to know everywhere you go but he would do things like bam, I made it to work, you know or I'm going to sleep or it was just like he was always checking in and so that kind of helped me to believe that I can trust him. But at the same time I still dealt with so much and after you go to counseling and stuff, you still have to practice what you have been taught and while you're in practice, most of the time you can't practice on your own.

Speaker 2: 30:14

You're going to practice in your new relationship, so it's going to take time practicing your new relationship, so it's going to take time. You're going to go through the phase of yeah, I've been to counseling, but this man could hurt me again. You're going to go through. I don't really believe you. I went through all of that in my new relationship in my new relationship, but I kept you have to keep working on the things that you learn doing counseling. Because now that I have worked through those things y'all, the last thing on my mind is that my man is cheating on me and I know when you say trust, most of the time that's what a woman is talking about. You don't have to tell me, but I really don't. I'm not worried about it, like I never been a woman who.

Speaker 2: 31:08

There are some people. I should have went through their phone, but I don't do that stuff. Like if Janelle's phone is buzzing, his phone be buzzing, Baby. If he sleep, your phone is ringing. Like I don't, I don't have this. Oh, he's somewhere doing something. It's gone and it's because I stayed in there and I continue to work through it and um, and you'll get better. But keep the things that you learned in counseling and keep practicing. Keep learning different methods.

Speaker 2: 31:48

Explain to your man what you're going through. I had to really explain to Janelle like look, man, I know that sometimes I'm hard to deal with, but listen to me. I know that I'm not supposed to bring my past into this relationship, but and once I started talking to him, he really started to understand. Like okay, when I do this, that could trigger the way that she thinks. So it's just about open communication. It's about continuing to practice the things that you have learned and you're going to be okay.

Speaker 2: 32:30

But please, by no means do not think that you getting your life together, getting a better job, walking around in new heels, and your new man is going to miraculously just fall into place, because it's not Okay. You're going to struggle, but the fact that you have put in the work, it's going to pay off and just be real. And even if this relationship doesn't work, the next one will, because you have started to fix the things that you are broken, the areas that you are broken in. So so please continue, let me know um how it's going. We are um know um how it's going. We are um very interested Um, and I think that um that if you continue to do those things, that your relationship is going to be okay. Okay, let me tell y'all um I still now on the the. The flip side of trust is you have to learn to trust the man to provide for you. Now that's the area that I'm still struggling in Um. So if you, the people around me, know that I'm going through this right now. So I had the same car. You guys, I was the girl with the old car no coat, no car note trying to hang on to that one car. Baby life will. Something will happen with that car and it'll say you have to go to a car lot, you need a new car. So when it happened.

Speaker 2: 34:13

Now let me tell y'all about a little bit what's going on in my life. First of all, I'm on my last three classes of a master's program. I am out of my mind, like out of my mind. I am transitioning into a different role on my new job. Yeah, I'm already being put into a different position. I'm trying to learn that study that Once again. I'm still studying, for I pushed the teacher certification test back. I'm still studying for business and finance certification for teachers. Y'all get where I'm going with this.

Speaker 2: 34:54

My life, my lease, so where I stay at now was kind of like a it was just a last minute decision. I lost my job. I got scammed out of the home I was trying to get. I went to go stay with my boyfriend for like a month, but y'all know I'm not down for living with people. So I was just like, okay, this will do, and I'm in Frisco, it's not like I'm going to go to a bad neighborhood, right? So my world is still kind of going back to normal, but it's still a lot of stuff that I still need help with and all types of stuff.

Speaker 2: 35:36

So when big stuff happened like oh, I need a new car, most people, like my homegirl, was like Janelle has three cars. Why didn't you just go over there and get one of his cars? Girl, let me tell you something I trust that he's not cheating on me, but I still have trust issues. As good as this man being, it's still trust issues Like what if me and Janelle get into it and I got one of his cars, cause he says ours? He really do. He say this is ours, baby, but at the same time you went down there and bought that car, not me. What if me and Janelle get into it and he want his car back? Girl, I still got trust issues, like I literally called my family and I was like y'all got a car down there, I can drive until I can get to a car lot. I got a car down there, I can drive until I can get to a car lot and even though I know most of the time the car that I went to go get, I'm probably just going to be driving it to work and back. For the most part, we'll probably be in Janelle's cars.

Speaker 2: 36:52

But my point is is that you have to continue to work at trust. When you have been burnt by different guys, you can't. Even a guy that's good to you is not going to all go away overnight. You're going to struggle, but you're going to get better and better. One day I'm going to look up and I'm not going to even be concerned about stuff like that with him. But the point of my story is is that it's all a work in progress and you just learn as you go.

Speaker 2: 37:31

Ok, now you ask a really hard question at the end of the show. But let's move into the last part of the show. But let's move into, um, the last part of the show. Let's get the answer to the riddle riddle and then I'm gonna cut you guys loose. So the answer to the question is your name. Your name is something that belongs to you but everyone else uses. But those of you who already knew the answer, that was easy to you. But those of you who were like me I was like thinking of everything else but besides my name. So that was our little riddle riddle.

Speaker 2: 38:12

Thank you guys for tuning in. Um, it is. It is such a joy to talk to you, to hear your questions. Now you can go to thinkingoutloudatyahoocom all one word thinkingoutloudatyahoocom and you can send in all your questions concerns. You can tell me if the show is good or bad Y'all don't tell me that the show is terrible but you can make suggestions At least. I'm new to this, but we're learning. Thank you so much for tuning in. I love y'all. Stay positive. Whatever you're going through, give it three days and then come back and tell me if it's not better. Okay, don't give up. Thank you for tuning in to Thinking Out Loud with your favorite cousin, toya. I'll see y'all later. Bye-bye y'all, and love me, come on. But now I get it. He don't wanna Love you the right way. He ain't gonna Anywhere he's at, it's where he when he wanna be.