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Parenting With A Purpose
Donna Janel Williams, a Chester native is on a mission to bring back the responsibility, nobility, and beauty back to parenting. Parenting With A Purpose show aims to reach, teach and propel single mom, single dads, married, divorced, adopted, and foster parents all over the world with engaging conversations to help parents raise up successful leaders. Donna Janel believes parents are the bows and children are the arrows and they will land in the direction we aim them.
Parenting With A Purpose
Empowering Families: Unlocking Success Through Parental Involvement and Digital Citizenship
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What if your child's education could be supercharged simply by you becoming more involved? Tiffany Barnes, a seasoned school counselor with over two decades in education, joins us to explore the enormous impact of parental involvement. Tiffany shares her journey from the classroom to counseling, unveiling the vital role schools play as community pillars. Her insights reveal how school staff, including counselors and social workers, can enhance family support through home visits. Tiffany's dedication to fostering strong relationships with students and their families shines through, offering keys to preparing children for the challenges of the world.
In a world where technology is seamlessly woven into the fabric of education, the notion of digital citizenship takes on new urgency. We discuss strategies parents can use to set healthy online boundaries, ensuring children remain safe while exploring digital spaces. Personal stories illustrate the delicate balance between protection and freedom. Through our conversation, we underline the importance of trust and open dialogue, providing parents with tools to guide their children effectively in the digital age.
Our conversation evolves to address the delicate art of monitoring children's digital lives while respecting their privacy. Tiffany emphasizes the importance of emotional well-being and the modern parenting approaches needed to support it. We illuminate the necessity of collaboration between parents and educators, striving for a unified effort in nurturing children's growth. These discussions aim to empower both parents and educators, providing a wealth of resources and insights to build a supportive, informed community. Join us as we express profound gratitude for the tireless dedication of educators and parents, working in concert to cultivate a brighter future for all.
Parents are the Bows and Children are the Arrows they will land wherever we aim them eventually!
Thank you. Hey everybody, welcome back to Panther with a Purpose. I am your host, donna Janelle, and I am your co-host, pamela, and we have a guest here today, tiffany Barnes. Hello, tiff, welcome to the studio. What's going on, tiff?
Speaker 1All right, so, as you know, panther with a Purpose, we are here to bring awareness, to bring knowledge, to bring whatever you need as far as parenting, the whole space of parenting. We know that parents are the bows. Our children are arrows, and they will land wherever we aim them, as long as we give them the tools, as long as we equip them and don't send them outside naked. Why? Because the world will dress our kids with whatever. Y'all see what's going on now. I don't even got to get into it, do y'all see what's going on now, what these kids are being dressed with? So here, our focus is to make sure that you get the information that you need so that you can be successful.
Speaker 1So tonight, though, you know, we've been dealing a lot with um, school. We've been dealing with parental involvement. Um, whether in school or even just in the community, parents just need to be involved. There's a mandate on parenting right now, and we're here to tell you that there is a mandate and that we are responsible to bring back the responsibilities, nobility and beauty back into parenting. So tonight, our guest, tiffany uh, you want to go by Tiff or Tiffany, what you either. One T, what's going on? So Tiffany is a school counselor, she is a master's in education, right, yes? So tell us a little bit about yourself, what you do, you know whatever you want the audience to know, and then we're going to dig right into what we're actually talking about tonight, which is a very eye opening, enlightening for me.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 2So, as Donna said, my name is Tiffany Barnes. I am an elementary school counselor with the Brandywine School District. I work at Maple Lane Elementary School. I've been an educator for over 20 years and a school counselor for just about nine years.
Speaker 1Oh, wow.
Speaker 2Yeah, so I have taught every level, from pre-K all the way up to like eighth grade. So I'm elementary, middle school level.
Speaker 1And that's one of them high school kids. Huh, no, that's not my story.
Speaker 2No, and so I provide personal, social, emotional, academic supports in the classes through small groups and individuals. So I work closely with everyone admin, teachers, students, families the list goes on and on.
Speaker 1It's like a whole melting pot, you it?
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm it, Because that was one of my questions. I was going to say do you deal personally with the family, such as the parents or guardians and that nature?
Speaker 2yes, how's that experience um? I like it. Uh, hopefully you know the families like me listen you still in it.
Speaker 1They vote you out of the school.
Speaker 2Yes, no, so yeah, um, I try to build relationships with our students and with our families. I try to maintain those relationships and make sure that they know that you know I'm here to listen to them, I'm here for them to be heard. So, and if I can help in any way, I do it.
Speaker 3Absolutely so. Have you been at this school from your 20 years that you've been in education?
Speaker 2so I started at maple lane, maybe 10 years ago, something like that. Okay, no, nine, it was nine. So I started at maple lane nine years ago. I became the second grade teacher there for a year and then that summer I was the um our school counselor moved to another school and then I became the school counselor because wow.
Speaker 1I had that degree now, did you always want to be a school counselor? Because I know you know, because that's a little different from just being a teacher in the classroom, like yeah.
Speaker 2I think I always wanted to work with children. Counseling, um, yeah, okay, I thought I thought I was going to work with adults at first, but children are my passion, something about them kids right. Something about them. You know, they tug on my heartstrings.
Speaker 3So do you have to go inside the homes?
Speaker 2I don't. Not often I would say, but if I need to, I will. So we do have a social worker that the social worker will go do home visits. But if I need to do a home visit I, um, I can oh, wow, you know I thought about that.
Speaker 1Um, I don't. When I was younger. I don't recall anybody coming to no home visits for for from school or anything. I remember them called cps.
Speaker 2No other people came yeah, no so we sometimes we know our families, so sometimes our families, families might need a little nudge or a little home visit from you know, our admin or myself, our social worker. So we will do that, we'll do our due diligence before we call or anything like that.
Speaker 1You remember the movie Lean on Me, I might be dating. Oh, you do. Okay, come on, flag, sis. I'm sorry, sis, I'm sorry, I was just saying, I was just wanting to make sure that you was gonna.
Speaker 3Okay, I'm sorry so lean on you, it's kind of enough all day. She don't got her new brain.
Speaker 1Little crinkles on the end lean on me right and remember they went into the home like to go check and see what was going on and they found out situation, circumstances and then the school was able to help and provide for that family because they got a chance to have a deeper look like I was wondering if that goes like. I don't think that goes on now, but that would be like it does.
Speaker 2That's a nice help. So schools are part of the community, yeah, so we are here to help. We're not just here to educate. So there are resources that we provide that a lot of families may not know. Like, again, we have a school social worker, so and they will be able to provide our families. Like, of course, you have to it's protocols and things that you have to do and to qualify for those resources but if you qualify for those resources, you will get them. Wow, and schools are there. They are there to help. They are there to provide different like, if you need food, we have food. We partner with the Food Bank of Delaware.
Speaker 2Wow or we partner with. You know, if you need some clothes, we will make a way. Our PTOs, our PTAs, they will help. Like there are resources within the school systems that are there for families.
Speaker 3So my next thing is I remember in high school having a guidance counselor. I believe there were some in middle school, but I didn't have to deal with them personally, I was more so administration. But at this grade level, how do you like get connected? Do you have to like sign your children up to have you know the guidance counselor Like how does that work? Is it like IEPs?
Speaker 2or so, with um the um Bernie Wine School District. We are uh MTSS um school district, which is a multi-tiered systems of support oh wait, that's new, that's something different too yeah, so we have different tiers, so um we provide interventions for all of our students.
Speaker 3So we have.
Speaker 2Tier 1 interventions and Tier 1 is for all students. Okay, Every single one. Not anyone is left behind in those interventions. Okay, then you have what is Tier 2 and Tier 3. Tier 2 are students that need some more support besides just those Tier 1. So they'll keep getting those Tier 1 supports but they might need a little bit of extra support in that Tier 2 process. The Tier 3 students is a little small group of students that might need a little bit more intervention. So any one of those tiers, they don't stop those interventions.
Speaker 1They keep the Tier 1, the Tier 2, two and they will also receive a tier three intervention wow, I think you know I don't know if a lot of parents know, um how much support there is available for how many resources it is, um, because I didn't even know and I'm a I I kind of think that I know a lot about resources for parents and I didn't even know it's at those levels. I think that it's so important, though, to be that multi-tier, multi, because to be support, I like what you said earlier, tiff. You said that we are not here just to educate your kids. No, can you break that down a little bit more?
Speaker 2So we, like I said, we are a community, we are a family, we are a family, we are your extended family. So when I come in my school building, those are my babies, okay, so if you know that I'm in your school, just know that I'm taking care of your babies, because I treat them like I would treat my own kids, because you know, and it's not planned, I'm not planned.
Speaker 2I am not playing because they are mine I get it I make sure that they are safe, we, we keep them safe and and everything but um.
Speaker 1Yeah, like we are like an extended family I think that is so important because we talk about parental involvement, that's what we've really been talking about.
Speaker 1like you know, my thing this year and everything I talk about deal is around here we put in the work. Right, that's the thing. Like parents do it with a purpose. Around here we put in the work. And it's just such a mandate on parents putting in the work because every time there's something going on with a kid, the first thing they do is say where's the parents, what's going on? And my question is have we resourced those parents?
Speaker 3that's good that you said that, don't you start with me. It's good that you said that because if you don't know, you know how can you utilize the resources? Because, like I said, I remember it in high school, I'm sure they were there in middle school, but, like you said, it was certain criteria. But why do I have to be labeled or marked as this to have those resources? So what, uh, in your school district, what is something that the parents have to do so they can be informed of those resources that aren't just, you know, on packets, on the website given out, on different agendas and calendars and things of that nature?
Speaker 2So let me um see if you are asking me. If I'm understanding your question, how do families get involved with school counselors in?
Speaker 3my district.
Speaker 2So again, I'm there for the whole school. So it's not just certain students see me, it's not just certain things. Certain students might get a little bit more of me, but I'm there to service the whole student, all of the students, so that I go into the classrooms, I teach lessons in the classroom, I teach small groups and I may see some individuals, but I am there for the entire school.
Speaker 1I think that holistic approach is so amazing because so many times I don't know if y'all noticed like in this world, in this culture that we live in, we want to separate everything, separate the church from the schools, separate the church from the state, separate. That's even been a separation of parenting in these sectors as well, and it's like how do we, how do why are we separating things? That? What if, like you're, you're only strong when you have multiple people like you can't be an island. I tried that parenting thing on my own. You know, really been an island, not tapping the resources. Man, I almost killed myself with that one.
Speaker 2No, we have to be a unified front and our students have to see that they, that we are unified front. So say you your baby came to my school, so your baby needs to see that me and you talk yeah, we have to have that open line of communication, you know, in order for them to see that, man, I can't play two sides can't play.
Speaker 1Can't play with it. Can't play with it yo because kids I got my first phone call this week.
Speaker 3Uh-oh, I did and it wasn't like bad, but I really appreciated the phone call Me and the teacher like communicate through email. But something she said is I really thank you so much for being a parent that is not just big on education Like you, want to know full circle. And I was like, oh, of, of course, because I don't want my kid, I don't want my kid being the kid that, oh, is excelling, but because of behavior, you can't really do what you need to do. You can't have access to certain things. So you making a grade but your behavior sucks. Yeah, I don't want that. So I need to know everything I said. So if you need to call me, if you need to hit me on the app, do what you need to do.
Speaker 2Show up at my house, hey, tiff, what's up, because we're not we're not just raising an academic child, we're not just raising right, we're raising one that needs to be socially, emotionally. Um, well, we need one to be well within the mental health. We need one to be well academically, socially, educationally everywhere, especially socially, with your family and your schools, yeah all of that
Speaker 1I think that is so important because I think about my job as a nurse right, I deal with medical complex p's and when you say that your babies like these babies are my babies like I take care of them as if the parents be laughing, they be like, look at you with her. Yes, because this is my baby. I make sure that everything is straight and that I partner with the parent if I notice something or something like I'm I'm all about preventive and it sounds like that's what you're gaming at. It's like everybody is have access to you, because it's not just about where we're proactive, not just reactive.
Speaker 2We can't. We can't be reactive because if we're reacting to something behind the eight ball, yeah all right, so talk to us.
Speaker 1Tiff about. Um. So the hot topic tonight is this digital thing. Like you got this whole digital citizenship thing, so I want you to explain to us about. You know, this did like when I think about citizenship, I'm thinking about being in another country or like something foreign. Right, like I got it, I'm now becoming a citizen of the United States or UK or something like that. So talk about this citizen citizenship.
Navigating Digital Citizenship With Children
Speaker 2So if you think about citizenship, you thinking of you know, understanding and adhering to the rules and the regulations of you know where you living, right, right. So digital citizenship is a positivity existing in the digital world, in digital spaces. So we want to make sure that our children are being positive digital citizens. So that's new times, girl. Yeah, not cyber bullying, and we don't want them to send out negative images and different things out into the digital world because a lot of times we can't take it back.
Speaker 2So once it's out there. It's out there and you can't take it back. So we know that. You know, as we're growing up in this age, there's new things happening more and more digital spaces, more and more apps, more and more platforms, more and more different things that our kids can have access to. So we want to make sure that we are monitoring those devices, we're monitoring those spaces so that they are getting a positive result back.
Speaker 1Right, you said earlier before we started the show, we were talking about this a little bit and, um, not avoiding like we can't avoid the digital world, because that's just what we are and it's not, I think, at least for me. Um, everything is not always bad. Right things that are meant to be good can't be used for bad. Yes, but it's all about the individual or the organization of how they use that. So how do we remain positive in such a digital world where it seems so dark?
Speaker 2yeah. So just like we say, in eating something, say you know I like cake or whatever. So we will say I can't eat cake every day, or I can't eat cake every hour or anything like that, but I will eat it in moderation. So I will have to set some boundaries for myself in order not to eat the cake every day. So it's the same for these digital spaces. We need to make sure that we're setting healthy boundaries for our students and making sure that the sites that they're going on are age appropriate, right.
Speaker 1I just see on Instagram they have an Instagram for teens now. I guess because everything that was going on with Instagram and child trafficking and pedophiles and a lot of different things, and these kids have really gotten some deep, dark, dangerous stuff. They now I didn't tap into it, but I just been seeing a lot of Instagram for teens. I guess they're trying to welcome teens, but in a safe environment.
Speaker 2In a safer way. I guess that's what they're trying to do, but still, as parents, we need to be mindful and we still need to track what our okay, Because they still they still can come out.
Speaker 2They will find those loopholes in those doorways for them to come out. And so, um, be open with your kids and and making sure, like, if we're not hiding from them kids and and making sure, like if we're not hiding from them, they won't hide from us. So, being being open and having those healthy conversations and saying, hey, um, you guys, can, you can tell me about anything you want. I'm not here to judge you, but I am here to parent you. I'm here to guide you right, it's not not here to.
Speaker 2You're not going to get in trouble, but I need to know what you are doing right, I need to know so that I can help guide you. Not not put you out or put you down or do anything like that, but I am here to guide you. Certain things you can do online and certain things we shouldn't do.
Speaker 1That's right until we get a little bit older I remember when my kids was you know you and I talked about this earlier too like we are the generation that have both worlds, like the world without the internet, like that, and then the world with the internet and I remember when my kids were younger, um donna.
Speaker 3Yeah, wow you take a shot at me again. Oh no, we were talking about it earlier I was not.
Speaker 1But since you said it, so anyway, swag on the play pal, I was not. You know when I'm coming at you. Oh no, but for real, like we haven't, like I mean, you grew up straight. Internet, like no I didn't wait.
Speaker 2When's the first? When was your first phone? How old were you when you had your first phone?
Speaker 3I don't remember you was that young no like she wasn't yeah because a phone to me, like having minutes on the phone, was not having like a phone. Yeah, but that was the first phone, though, but I wasn't that young, but I wasn't that old either so about how old were you?
Speaker 2let me use the phone to call my mom, so remember, we grew up with pay phones. We still have to have a quarter in our pocket.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, we started out of court. I mean we had beepers and all that and stuff like that um two ways, but never. But now I know like as the kids were growing I was so a lot of times a lot of parents parent out of fear, especially when we come to digital right I remember I wouldn't allow my kids to get social media because I was like there's too much going on with social media, like kids were getting kidnapped.
Speaker 1It was just a lot of negative things about social media. So I remember at one time I think my kids probably was like the girls was probably like 12 or 13 and they wanted an Instagram account and I was like no. And then it was like well, I explained to them why.
Speaker 3But they went behind my back, because that's what kids do, and they got an.
Speaker 1Instagram account they were sharing. No, they both had their own. So they was in the backseat of my car talking, and they was talking about this. Right, they gave themselves up like what's going on? Like I'm very attentive, I can hear without even looking at you, right, I got ears behind my neck so. So they were talking about it and I was like, wait what? And it had an Instagram account.
Speaker 1So I was very upset because I was trying to explain to them the dangers of it and I kind of went all the way out there because I'm open with my kids, so I'm like so I gave them all these crazy scenarios Right. So I gave them all these crazy scenarios right about somebody finding their information, coming up to the school, getting them, and I was like and they're not even just going to have you in the same state you live in, they're sending you across state, across the country. And then I was a little graphic y'all and I was. I was like and then they're going to be putting stuff in all your holes, like all your holes, your ears, your nose, like everything.
Speaker 1And my girls was like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't understand what you said. I said well, let me make myself clear. So I had to break it down to them, to that, to them to understand the fear behind why I don't want you to be a part of it. But then, as time everybody was in the digital world and because chromebooks and ipads and all this stuff and all these apps and stuff, I had to start learning about it a little bit more. And OK, now we have to have some healthy boundaries around it, like I can't hide and be in fear of it.
Speaker 2Yeah, you can't live in fear of it because it's here and it's here to stay. Simple as that.
Speaker 1Period.
Speaker 2Period Like technology is growing and growing, and growing, and so we have to just set those healthy boundaries and guidelines and instead of telling them about the bad stuff, there's a lot of educational platforms that our kids can utilize.
Speaker 2There are a lot of videos and different things that they can learn from. Like you were talking about your nephew and how he might like certain things, so you can use the internet, you can use the social media to gain access to those certain things that you like. So, say, my um, my son was into cars. You can use those platforms to gain access to learn how to deal with cars you can learn how to make cars.
Speaker 2You can learn how to fix cars. You can learn how to paint car like whatever it is finding the beauty. You can't just, you know, tell them about the negative, but there are other ways that you can use those platforms and wow, because that almost go back to when tiff said the hiding thing, like if if we not hiding them from them, they won't hide.
Speaker 3So what you just saying all the negatives? It's almost like you hiding stuff from them because is it really this bad like? I know a lot of people who have it. That's why they snuck you got it, yeah, so it's like yeah no, but like you said, these are things that can really happen. But these could be the benefits, but because you didn't have much knowledge in that area of the app and different stuff, it's like I just need you to stay away.
Speaker 1Stay away.
Speaker 2Instead of us.
Speaker 3Let me do some research with you.
Speaker 2Yeah, let's do the research together. Let's do this together. That can be a bonding moment with you, and your child.
Speaker 3You know what I mean.
Speaker 2So embrace it. I think, oh man, just you know, have. I think, oh man, and just you know, have them. Teach you a little bit and let them show you what they're doing.
Speaker 1And then you just monitor it. I like what you said because, like it literally just checked me. Like, a lot of times in parenting we always talk about the bad, what we don't want our kids to do because a lot of us are parenting out of fear, right so what we don't want our kids to get into, instead of showing them the beauty and the things that are here, like I think that's just so amazing, like I really do look at, and I don't even know why I would look at the internet so dark when I use it as a platform to help motivate and give people tools, right, so why wouldn't I allow my child to have that type of access that will help them? You know youtube, I'm I'm a fan of youtube university. Let me tell you.
Promoting Digital Citizenship in Schools
Speaker 1Let me tell you, what I did the other day yeah listen, y'all know I'm a single mom out here in these streets. Yes, I learned how to braid from youtube, okay, listen I changed, let me tell you, I put, um, I changed my windshield blades, right, I changed my engine air filter, okay, and I changed my cabin air filter by myself, you know what?
Speaker 3because them fools were trying to charge me 300 to do that and I was like I could go to amazon, order this down the other.
Speaker 1It's really, you just got to take the time. So the guy across the street he came, he was like I never seen a woman put pop hood up like that and I was like uh-huh, I'm about to get busy, right?
Speaker 2so yeah, and that's kind of what what I was alluding to before like, use it as a way to gain access to, to spark interest and whatever in your interest and what what?
Speaker 1have you so tiff? Tell us how important the digital world is, like break, like we hear, like our users to access abnc, but tell us how important digital citizenship is well again.
Speaker 2We want to have those positive and health, healthy boundaries, so it is important for us as parents to set them for our student, our children I keep calling them students and baby shows that all these kids yeah, they, they mind, but, um, setting those boundaries and monitoring um what your child is doing online is very, very important, because you don't want them to go down the rabbit hole, you don't want them to get in those dark spaces and then, where you know it might be messing with their mind or or what have you.
Speaker 2And then that's where I, as the school counselor, have to come in and say hey, parent, this is what your baby said today right and we need to figure out what we need to do to help them get from, get out of this space you guys monitor um all internet access right so as um what grades do y'all start?
Speaker 2so each student will receive a chromebook from kindergarten all the way up to um, high school, 12th grade, a senior year, um senior seniors and um they get to take the device home at third grade, oh, okay. So kindergarten first and second grade in Brandywine School District, anyway, they stay at the school, okay, but at third grade, because that's where you know, third grade is a transitional year. That's when all that homework and stuff come in, they learning new concepts and everything. So they get to take their chromebooks home then. So, um, some parents say, hey, nope, we don't want it. But and we accommodate those parents that say we don't want the chromebook to come home, wow, we, we keep them at school yeah, so I know um what my son's, when my daughters they went to the same school, their school counselor.
Speaker 1I guess certain things get flagged. That's what I was alluding to, I'm sorry about how you guys monitor the usage, because I didn't know this until my daughter, the 16-year-old, who tested my anti-gangster, y'all, y'all know I got a story for y'all, but I ain't.
Speaker 1I'm wait. Oh, test my anti-gangster. She got homecoming tomorrow so I'm trying to be nice, uh. But she told me about I didn't know google docs right, like I know what google docs is right, but she was explaining to me how the kids like they pull up they have google docs and they talk about people, they their images, like it's a lot of stuff like these secret world.
Speaker 2So they're sharing it with each other. Yeah, so somebody is sharing a Google Doc with someone and then they're just putting up hateful and mean things.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's and nobody knows like if the teacher walked past, they could switch it or whatever on their Chromebook, so you don't even know that they're engaging in this kind of stuff. But that's how a lot of backdoor bullying and things like that. Um, it was. She was sharing some information, some bad information that was put out about this young lady, about their whole living situation of parents and everything, and I was like kids talk about people like that yeah, so.
Speaker 2So at Brandywine we have what's called GoGuardian, so the teachers are able to see what's on every single one of our students their classes Chromebook.
Speaker 3Wow.
Speaker 2So if they're doing an assignment and say one student, student A, decides not to do that assignment and do something else, the teacher is able to see it and they are able to shut it down.
Speaker 3Yes, so when I was still teaching. I'll never forget. So I'm at the after-school program and this is during COVID. The kids, they there, and one of the teachers, you know she called a student name. What you doing, I guess? Just trying to give them a warning, Mm-hmm, and one of the teachers, you know she called a student name. What you doing, I guess? Just trying to give them a warning. And they ain't doing nothing. I keep hearing his name be called by the teacher he's supposed to be in class with. I said what are you doing? Why are you supposed to be on that?
Speaker 3He ain't going to tell me like you know the teacher cut the whole thing off and I sat there and she was like thank you, mrs Chapman, and I said, oh, like, basically I told, because I said what are you doing? Like, should you be on it? He's playing the whole game, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3And she's basically giving you like a warning. Like I can see it, I can see it. She just shut the whole thing down. So now you, you missing points and now your grade is being affected because you're not doing your assignments. Yep, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm glad that they could monitor it because, like you said, well, I know kindergartners that are able to take their Chromebooks home and I was like that's a lot.
Speaker 1Yeah, I mean because they got their iPads at home and stuff. But transporting that, transporting.
Speaker 2I think we used to excuse me. We used to allow our kindergartners, our kindergartner, second grade take their Chromebooks home. However, we thought I think our district kind of looked back on it and thought about it and
Speaker 3was like let's keep them here. Oh, let's just keep them here.
Speaker 1Parents are not using them. Right or we got to pay for them, because they're breaking and stuff like that. They're handling them.
Speaker 2Yes, they do. They have to sign an agreement.
Speaker 3And if they break them?
Speaker 2they have to pay for them. Yes, also, our district does does monitor our searches, the searches for the students so um, we can get flagged for certain searches, certain searches that if there's a threat, any type of threat, right it'll get flagged and and then the principal will get called and say we need to go and check on this student and we will have to take the Chromebook and do a whole investigation on it.
Speaker 1I think parents don't even realize that. You know that you can do that on your own your kids' stuff. You can flag pages, you can set up their search engine, you can do like that's the good thing about this digital world, their phones, tablets, whatever it is that they have.
Speaker 2you can set those um up wow so what you want them to see and have access to so.
Speaker 1So, in this digital world and us parents who are trying to navigate without being fearful um what are some, some tools or such techniques that we can, you can, share with parents to be a little bit more comfortable with um exploring the idea of digital citizenship yeah, just um, guide the conversations that you have with your children.
Speaker 2guide them to Let them know what you expect. Set down those boundaries and expectations. Tell them that you know, keep your private information private, making sure that you're not sending over things, sending stuff across that you don't want. If you don't want mama to see it, don't send it.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Period. If you don't want me to see it, don't send it Right. Period. If you don't want me to see it, don't send it Right Like reread what you're putting out there and making sure that we are just like in society. You want to treat people the way you want to be treated Right. So making sure that, even digitally, we're treating others the way we want to be treated, because we get some online people that get very, very buff.
Speaker 1They hide behind a keyboard and they want to say and do whatever they want?
Speaker 2Yes, but come in person. You don't want to say nothing? Let's not do that.
Speaker 1Yeah, you can tell, I seen them. They was talking that beef on there and then, all of a sudden, they showed up at school let's let the school counselor talk about A, b and C all that they put out there, right, let's not do that.
Speaker 2And then cyberbullying we want to make sure that our children aren't being cyberbullied and they're not bullying others right online because, like I said, people want to act big and bad behind the screen, but remember our students. They are kids, they're going back to school. So if you're saying something online negative about a classmate or something, you're going back to school with them yeah so, and you're young, you're gonna be with them for a long time, like yeah, so that you know that's something that, um we're dealing with even at the elementary school.
Speaker 2So yeah, so that's just, you know. Just be mindful that, um be careful, is it?
Speaker 3happening in like kindergarten and first grade, or is it more so like that third more?
Speaker 2like fourth and fifth grade.
Speaker 1Yeah, cause when you think about it, I don't know if you guys seen like I see a lot of stuff on, you know, the internet or CNN and stuff like that about kids committing suicide, right when we talk about cyber bullying, and they're getting younger and younger and they're getting younger, like when you said or we talk about cyber bullying, um, and they're getting younger and younger and they're getting younger, like when you said, or we talk about kindergarten, there's kindergartners, five and six year olds, who are actually committing suicide, and that's the other thing I wanted to talk about.
Speaker 1Not only like they're being cyber bullied right, but then they're researching and figuring out how to kill themselves. So that's this danger about the internet and that's the scary.
Speaker 3Talking to the phone, yeah, and that's and that's what I said.
Speaker 2Our district monitors that stuff. So any threat, any type of threat, so if they type in those key words about, you know, say, school shootings or suicide or bombing or something like, that our district is already alerted. So as soon as our students are keying in those words, so we are alerted. And then that's when we have to take action.
Speaker 1Do you recommend that parents, when we talk about monitoring you know their digital activity? Do you recommend that parents go in the kids phone, in our children's phone, like, look at some tech, because you know, know, everything is on privacy now, uh, privacy, look in, look at our text messages, look at their phone logs, see what they've been searching on the internet. Um, do you recommend that parents do that? Because I feel like this is just my personal opinion about parenting is that a lot of kids don't know right?
Speaker 3what they don't know. They don't know, they don't know what they don't know.
Speaker 1So our job as a parent is supposed to know what they don't know and teach them what they don't know, Right? So if it takes me going, I text my kid phone. Let me see your phone Unlock your phone?
Speaker 3Yeah, because you know they lock their phones.
Speaker 1That's what I thought you was going to way. Do you recommend going through their?
Speaker 2phone. I would you know, have that conversation with them. You know you have a conversation, like our kids. They have a voice and we have to make sure that we're listening to them. Yeah, they might say something about privacy, this, that and the third, but let them know that you're there to support and guide them and sometimes, like you guys just said, they don't know what they don't know. So I go through my kids' phones, I go through my mom's phone.
Speaker 1Listen first of all.
Speaker 3I painted this. I go through my mom's phone. She my baby too.
Speaker 2No, but I would go through their phone, but I would also tell them why.
Speaker 1Don't have that conversation, don't just, but I would also tell them why.
Speaker 2Don't have that conversation, don't just do it and not tell them why. Because, in this day and age, our kids need to know why, and they deserve that. They deserve that understanding of why you're doing what you're doing.
Speaker 1That's good, tiff, because I think long are the days where you just do it because I said so, or this is how I feel. I think having communication with our kids. I think that's why our kids are brighter than we were at our age, because they know so much, and sometimes people say, oh, they know too much. No, they know enough to make sure that they can make clear and decisive decisions.
Speaker 2Our kids have a voice, like you said, and I want them to reach their full potential.
Speaker 1Yeah, like there you go. I think a lot of times and no slight to parents who, from back in the day, but a lot of times parents hinder and stifle their children based on fear or you know, they didn't even. I feel like when you research parents and back in the day it was all about food, clothes and shelter. It was not about mental. It was not about food, clothes and shelter. It was not about mental. It was not about emotional. It was about I just did a group workshop the other day and we were talking about active listening and expressing emotions effectively, right, and a lot of times the things that they were saying in there we were talking about it's transgenerational, like one lady shared that she wasn't able to, um, share her emotions as a child, so when she became adult, she just became over emotional.
Speaker 1I'm grown now and I can share every emotion, but because it wasn't tapped in as a, you're not supposed to cry, you're not supposed to do all these different things and I think our children we just live in a different day and age where our children need to be knowledgeable in order to be their best, like you said reach their potential yeah, and how do we know that there's something going on with our child?
Speaker 1Right If we ain't talking to them.
Speaker 2If we're not talking to them, they're going to act out. So where is this behavior coming from?
Speaker 3Why are they?
Speaker 2behaving this way. So behavior is a way of communication. Know so behavior is a way of communication. Know that behavior is a way of communication.
Speaker 1So if all of a sudden. Wait, can you say that again? Because I like that? No, because people look at behavior as such a negative thing, but it's an indication.
Speaker 2It's an indication. It's an indication they're communicating with you, especially when you say they don't really act like that usually. Well, why are they acting like that now? So they're communicating something and we just have to be open up our minds and open up our eyes and listen to what is happening. Listen to them. They have a voice. Yeah, you know they are. They might not be able to express everything, yeah, but they are telling you something. So it is up to us, as parents, to figure out what they're telling us right.
Speaker 1So one another question I had for you. How so? I was at um a parenting workshop probably a couple months ago, and one of the gentlemen he was a police officer and he was talking about something that was new to me, I didn't know. Like, when you look at the apps on the phones and if you see double apps, they're secret apps or something like that. Like, say, if you've got two calculators, why do my kid got it?
Speaker 2Like, can you talk about when you actually look at a phone and kind of get wallpapers and everything that I don't know? Whatever the app is, it's something different from the wallpaper or they have it in a different language or something. So just be careful on and know what apps are what. So there are some you can research what apps your children shouldn't be.
Speaker 2Um on um, there, I forget the name of all of them. I did have a paper of um the apps that adult that are, you know, not negative apps, but, um, our kids like to get on them a lot of times. So we will just have to, you know, depending on your child's age and who they are, just you know, just monitor, just tell them open it, yeah because it threw me for a loop when he said yo, if your child got two calculators on their phone, what do you think that?
Speaker 1oh, it's called the vault, Vault, A vault. These kids, these are high school kids that's different kids.
Speaker 1They're a little sad but it's called the vault. It's where it's under lock and key, like only them can open it up. So if you have, you may have two calculators or two calendars. One of them's a real calendar, one is a fake calendar. That's the vault. That allow you to have access to all these other things that you're not supposed to. I feel like if your kid got to be that sneaky, like they know that there's something wrong already.
Speaker 3But going back to what Tiff was saying, and we've talked about it before paying attention to your child's behavior, you know, not getting so caught up in this or that, but communicating with them, having that open line of communication and not just letting, letting oh, how was your day, oh, it was good.
Speaker 3Not letting that be enough get a little bit more detail because with my five-year-old I want to know why it was good and sometimes she give me the little irritating and I'll be like, oh, you can't because I want to talk about this, and I was like, okay, well, we can talk about that after this. I need to know why music was good, or what did we learn in math today?
Speaker 3because maybe I can help you in something, maybe you can teach me something new, you know, and just having that rapport and also like mental health things. I know you might want perfect attendance, but your mental health is like important to me perfect attendance, but your mental health is important to me.
Speaker 2My seven-year-old will tell me all this. I just don't feel like going today. All right, babe, lay down, and if she's up crying and won't get up, she's sleepy, let her rest.
Speaker 3Because then you send them to school and it's so much you got to deal with that. And then it's like I know what it feels like to be a teacher and have that kid that's just doing so much. And you're like why didn't you just let them? Like you know that sick kid, you would stay at home. Yeah, that's how it is. When that behavior starts coming up, Like why didn't you just let them stay home?
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So I'm going to put a little flag on this play. Go ahead.
Speaker 3Because it's not an everyday thing. No, I know I want y'all to flag.
Speaker 1On the flag pause yield. Can you elaborate what a mental health day looks like, should feel like, or a sign that that child needs a mental health day?
Speaker 1because here's the thing like kids are could be very manipulative right oh yeah, and I think that's one of the reasons we talk about really having a relationship with your child so you can understand what's going on. But on the flip side, how do you know that kid need a mental health day? Because I got my 16-year-old to test my inner game set and if she could get a mental health day every day, she would, I'm telling y'all, mental health days aren't every day, that's what I'm saying?
Family-School Collaboration for Emotional Support
Speaker 3How well do you say Tate.
Speaker 2Again, we have to understand the behavior, you will know. You will know. You will just say like something's wrong, what's wrong, and they might be like I'm fine, or whatever. They might have a little bit more attitude that week. They might be a little bit more sleepy that week. They might go to bed a little earlier. You know, um, mine, like I said my, I have a seven-year-old she'll. She'll cry, you know, and just like in stumping everything, like just a little bit more extra, a little bit extra, just a little bit extra.
Speaker 1Like she has some glitter to it, yeah, she extra but this one, this type time she's yeah, all right, girl rock out that's when you like, I know I'm with the one that tested my ligandster I'm always on top of I'll, I'll become overstimulated, and when they were younger, like I, always there's certain words, keywords that I did so I didn't snap out on them or whatever, like if it's becoming too much, I'm overstimulated. So there, so that they know they have a key word, or you know so you taught them that. Yeah.
Speaker 2And they know when to back off.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2You know so if you keep that line of communication open, especially if you have a teen, adolescent, someone that can vocalize what is going on on the inside. So we got to understand that our feelings and our kids have feelings too, right, and we need to validate those feelings. There you go and we need to validate those emotions that they are having. So, and it's OK that they have those feelings, it's OK that you feel sad today.
Speaker 1It's okay that you feel sad today.
Speaker 2It's okay that you feel angry today, but we can't do it all day long, right?
Speaker 1Definitely I like that. So I like the fact that it's okay, Like it's okay for you to be angry for a moment. I will be mad too. It's okay for you to be sad Like I feel, like we think that our kids are supposed to be robots and they're supposed to be happy all the time or have joy all the time or not be like how they respond to certain things, like they're growing, they're growing.
Speaker 2They're still learning. You'll be mad sometimes too right.
Speaker 3Like you, angry. You said sometimes you don't want to go to work, so that's why I don't always and and realistically, realistically adults are learning how to manage their emotions absolutely that's like every day.
Speaker 2We're still we're still learning how to manage our emotions and you want a 10 year old to manage their emotion right because they're not going.
Speaker 1If they don't get it, they won't do so we're not being that role model, the example of how to really manage our emotions? How do we expect our children to manage their emotions?
Speaker 2so if I pop off every time somebody says something to me, what you think my child gonna do?
Speaker 1they're gonna pop off and then you mad at them for popping off. Well, some parents are mad for them for popping off, yeah, but some parents are like, oh, let's go get them.
Speaker 2Like yeah, but you know so you?
Speaker 1do you get those tips or do you get parents come up to the school? And when they come up to the school, do they not act a fool sometimes? I mean some parents pop off though. Right, some parents don't know, but they want they want the best for their child and they don't know, how they to handle it, and they don't know how to effectively communicate it.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2And that's why I'm here.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2I listen to them. I understand what you're saying. Okay, we want the same thing.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2And then I just try to communicate that we're on the same page. That part we are partners here and I want what you want and I'm going to make sure that you get what you want from the school Right.
Speaker 3But you got to make sure you're doing your part too as a parent. No, I'm serious, because when Victoria's teacher called and said that, I heard her go like like a sigh.
Speaker 1So I'm like.
Speaker 3I don't know if she had a previous phone call where the parent drilled her or what yeah, yeah. But she's like thank you so much for being receptive.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3Because sometimes it's stuff you want to talk about and you don't want to say, because you don't want to know how that parent is going to come up. Right, right, it's like you don't want to know how that parent is going to come up. It's like you don't want to deal with that. I just want the best for your scholar at the end of the day, and the only way I can have the best for your scholar is if I know what you're doing at home too.
Speaker 2Yeah, and just know, you know.
Speaker 1She got her own flag the yellow thing right there. Flag on her plate. Just know that we want the same thing.
Speaker 2We Like we're flying on a plane, just so that we want the same thing. We want the same thing. And you know, teachers, administrators, counselors, social workers, everybody, when we're calling home, when we're calling families, we want what's best for your child.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2We want what's best for your child. We're not there to judge, we're not there to point the blame. We're not there to do any of that. We're there to help and being able to receive some information so that we can move forward and give this support that is needed. Sometimes we have to have hard conversations. Yes, we have to have those hard conversations and parents you may not want to hear it all the time, right, but somebody is it's necessary and we need to come together as a team and work it out.
Speaker 1Yes, I like that. I think that again, as we started the show, we talked about parental involvement and not separating everything. Everything wants to be separated. A cake ain't good if you got the flour on the side, if you got the sugar on the side, the vanilla. I'm not eating all that by itself. I need it all mixed together, right, mix it together and bake it, and bake it.
Importance of Parental Involvement in Education
Speaker 1Yeah, like if things aren't meant to be. Some things are meant to be by themselves. But when we talk about our children and this parental involvement, like in this mandate on parenting, like we are responsible for our children yeah, our children are a gift. I don't know about y'all, but I make sure I handle my gifts well. You know one do you view your child as a gift? And if you do, how do you handle that child and understand that? This, this partnership with these teachers and schools, it's necessary. I noticed that and just by talking to other teachers and Pam, we talked to Abriel when talking about that, they're not just dealing with the academic aspect of our children, they're dealing with the behaviors, they're dealing with the social aspect of it, they're dealing with everything, and also if you guys are going to go home safely to your kids, because we have these actor shooter drills.
Speaker 1We have this. You know people shooting up kids. So it's not just I'm just here to educate your kid, I'm here to make sure your kid they're safe. They're safe.
Speaker 2We make sure that the kids are safe. We make sure that the kids are educated. We make sure that the kids are educated. We make sure that the kids are emotionally stabilized. We make sure that the kids are socially good. You know, we teach all of that. We teach not only academics. We don't just teach math and reading and writing. We teach social, emotional learning. We teach emotion management. We teach regulation skills, we teach coping skills. We teach all of that stuff within that little bit of time that we have or not, let alone the related arts. They have um phys ed. They have art. They have um library and music and and other things.
Speaker 2Some of them have stem, some of them have they have a lot going on just know that our teachers work diligently to make sure that they provide a quality education for our kids.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2They work overtime. I have some teachers that stay at work until 6, 7 o'clock at night, and they are not getting paid for that. They come to work at 7.30 when they don't have to be there till 8.30. They are there at the crack of dawn to make sure that they are providing the best education for our kids wow and parents don't see that. All the time they don't see it. But I see our, our staff. They are there day in and day out.
Speaker 1They are there at the forefront that's good and that's why parental involvement is so important, so that it's a whole team effort, because we all want the best for our kids. I don't think no parent wakes up and say, I don't want my kid to be successful right, like everybody wants their kid to be successful, right, whatever success means in their life. It's just that having the proper tools to make sure that that happens, um, I love the fact that. I love the fact that the kind of school counselor you are.
Speaker 1Oh, thank you you know, even knowing you as a person like this matches you like holistically when you think about it like, it's not like I'm this way at this place, I'm this. You know, putting all these different hats on, you're literally the same person as you are in real life, as a teacher and as a school counselor, and I think that that is so important that we need real, authentic people in these sectors so that our children can grow to their greatest potential.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And parental involvement is so important, you know, because parents are the first educators, the first cheerleaders, the first teachers, the first, everything.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1And if we don't get that straight, it's going to make you guys job a lot harder and some things are going to be deficient, and because you have to come up in a different area, right, um, so all right, it's been a pleasure, tiff, give us a couple takeaways quick, what you want the people to know.
Speaker 2I want everyone to just make sure that you have, in those conversations with your kids about digital citizenship, make sure you have open communication with them, make sure that your kids know that you are there to guide them and not be like all in their business, as they would call it, and not be like all in their business, as they would call it, but you're there to guide them and make sure that they're keeping healthy, making healthy relationships online. Also, setting tech boundaries, healthy boundaries, putting, you know, setting aside a time for them to have those digital platforms, or set it when there is time to, you know, charge your phone, charge it and not buy your bed, or put it on the dresser and charge it, or, you know, just making sure that they are able to get this bed on time and things like that.
Speaker 1Okay, Wow, thank you. So if you guys want to know more about digital citizenship, on our page panther with a purpose page on facebook, we will have this information on. There's things that tiffany shared with us today, and she has some more resources for parents in regard to digital citizenship and other resources that she's going to allow to be on our page. So check our page, our panther with a purpose on facebook, and you'll be able to tap into this digital world and not be in so much fear, like we can use it as something positive, especially when we know that the world is digital. Even currency is digital. Now, you know. So we can't be ignorant and avoiding the situation. We just have to do it the healthiest way possible. Thank you, tiff, for coming on the show. Pam, what you got? What's our?
Speaker 3outro.
Speaker 1What you got, what you got, what you got.
Educational Collaboration for Parenting Support
Speaker 3I just want to say to Tiff, thank you so much for your knowledge, for taking your job serious and speaking on behalf of not just yourself but the administration, the staff as a whole, as a whole body. So not just Brandywine School District, but for all counselors, all teachers, whatever role you may play in the education and educational field, and even as a parent, because you are also a parent. So you didn't just give it from being a counselor, no, you gave it from a genuine position that you play, that you take serious. So I thank you so much for your transparency as well and giving us these resources so that we can give it to the Parenting with a Purpose community and help our community be better, so that we can have a better world at the end of the day, all right.
Speaker 3Thank you for joining Parenting, thank you so much for joining Parenting with a Purpose. I am your co-host, Pamela, and I'm your host.
Speaker 1Donna Janelle, you guys have a great night. We'll be back. What'd I say? It's normally, thank you.
