RoseColoredGlasses - The Podcast
Sharing life and love’s hard lessons, as a result of seeing the world through rose colored glasses with an open, and extremely loving heart!
RoseColoredGlasses - The Podcast
SOFT LIFE VS. SOFTNESS IN YOUR LIFE
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We share our recent conversation re the meaning of a soft life as women of BIG ages......and adding softness to your life. Amber and Mari
Hey sister.
SPEAKER_01Hello. Hello. Alright, so we are continuing our conversation about the soft life. So tell me about your soft life. Your soft life desires.
SPEAKER_00My soft life desires. Yeah. Each day I wake up and I ask myself, how do I want to feel that day? And most days, each day, even with the with the long to-do list or whatever, I know that I want it to feel easy. You know, I don't want to feel chaotic. I don't want to feel um rushed or torn between, you know, I don't want to feel crazy and chaotic. You know, so that is a choice. Yeah. You know, and in that, in that choosing, like I just said, understanding that sometimes you have to say no. Yeah. You know, whether it's to things you want to do or to people that are asking of things. Yeah. I mean, even um thinking about um people and wanting to have that soft life, you know what energy certain people are going to bring to you, right? And so I don't ignore a call, but I'll pick up the phone and say, hey, I'm not available right now. Oh, good. You know. Good. Because I want to remain easy. Good. You know? Smart. Yeah, yeah. And so um, I'm learning to create these boundaries, and with boundaries allows a softer life. Yeah. What about you? Ooh, let's see.
SPEAKER_01Softer life. Um, I kind of think my soft life started when people that I love kind of got out the way. Even though it was painful. Yeah. Right? But it was definitely in divine order. Absolutely. Because I was no longer dedicating my time to the needs of other adults. Yeah. And it gave me an opportunity to kind of sit still for all of autumn and all of winter of 2023.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, and you know, and I think you and I talked about it, it was it was a combination of things. My body actually needed to decompress.
SPEAKER_00Our body holds all of that. Yeah. Our body holds, our body holds joy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But our body definitely holds the pain and the trauma of our experiences. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it was years of it. And then I was dealing with heartbreak on three levels, three people that you know. And and um so with that, I was hugging my bed a lot, I was in bed a lot. Yeah. Um, but then at some point, as the spring came, it was a shift. And so, and also with age came the acknowledgement that I've worked really, really hard. And my one of the the things that I did that was an example of how hard I've worked was, and this I did out of love, so it was great that it was my finale, how I call it. But when my sister, my husband's sister got married and I participated, and then I got sick, that I have no regrets. Yeah, you know, I have no regrets about it. It was beautiful. I love that I was able to serve in that way, but what I realized is that I am a woman of a bigger age now, and that my body responds differently to a lack of sleep and that kind of hustle and bustle. So it kind of that with me being kind of still and whatever kind of morphs into me acknowledging that there's certain things I don't want to do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01There's certain things I don't want to mop my floors. Yeah. I don't. I do not want to mop my floors. I ain't doing it. I'm gonna pay someone to do it however often I can, and we're just not gonna wear shoes in the house. There you go. You know what I'm saying? Um, what else I don't want to do? I don't the list goes on. Well, I know this I don't outside of the fact, you know, I'm doing this birthday gift, not this birthday gathering for all the children, yeah. I'm gonna go to Trader Joe's for that because that's an inexpensive place, you know, fun things. But on a regular basis, I do not desire to be in the stores.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Again. So thank God we're in an era where I can do Amazon Fresh and I can do whole foods. Yeah, and thank God I can afford to do to have it delivered.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I deserve that. Yes, and all of that is soft. All of that is soft. Yes, yes. It's it's whatever it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00When you feel that you deserve it, it's something that you desire, yeah, and you deserve it, yeah, and you're worthy of it, and you know that it frees up whatever, the time for you to dream, the time for you to read, the time for you to hug your bed, the time for you to just create, you know. Or if you just want to fucking lay on the deck and stare at the sky. Yeah, yeah. It's your time. Yeah, it's your time. Yeah. And you deserve to have your time to do whatever you want to do with.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And that's soft.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's soft. Because just think about all the times, like going back to what we talked about earlier, self-sacrificing for everybody, self-sacrificing yourself for everybody else is good. How crazy was life? Yeah. How crazy were we running ourselves, yeah, not for things that we wanted or desire for ourselves. I'm not breaking my neck, running from here to there to get myself to somewhere that I wanted to be. It was breakneck speed for somebody else. Some others. And so, yeah, no, yeah, we're not doing that no more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And being okay with it. You know what I'm saying? Not feeling guilty about it. Feeling guilty. You know, because I remember when the children were younger, if I was sitting still, I felt guilty for sitting still.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, you don't know what to do with yourself. Now we do. Now it's like this is me time. Yeah. This is my time for me. Yeah. And I can choose to do, I you use it however I want to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. However I want to. It doesn't have to be filled with movement. Yeah. And I do remember, and it wasn't that long ago for me, where um, say, if my mini was off somewhere for the weekend, and I'd just be like, oh, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do. And then I'd say, yeah, there's always something to do, but then I end up on a sofa, yeah. Crashed out from exhaustion. Exactly. So your body, yeah, you know what to do. You need to sit your hands down and rest. Yep, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yep, enjoy this recipe for a minute. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, you know, um, because I'm always thinking about younger people, and I'm like, I don't feel like you have to wait till your season to embrace softness in your life no matter what's going on. Yeah, you know, and that's why I'm always encouraging my younger people, the moms, look, the us working, parenting, in partnership, going to school. Yes. Where do you find that time to have some softness in your life? And now the ideal situation, of course, is to be in partnership with someone who's giving you so that there's 50-50 time. Yes. Ideal. Yes, ideal. Um, but the reality is that that's not always the case. Yeah. So what do you do? And my thing is you gotta figure out, I don't care if your baby, like I have a an adopted niece whose baby's two, and I was like, okay, do you have a meditation corner for her?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because when you're in a you know, when you have your I asked her to carve out four hours from four to seven on a Sunday. Okay. Where the baby's in her meditation corner with her pillow, her flashing lights, her this, that, the other, everything that's making her.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01In that corner. In that right. And you are across the way from her on the c on your chase. Is it chase or chase? Uh chase. Chase, chase, whatever. But you're on that, so you can keep an eye out, but the reality is you can do this. Yes. You can just woo-saw. Yeah. So I think that so even if you cannot have quote unquote soft life, there needs to be some softness in your life. Yes. A time of the week where you can empty that you can count on and look forward to. Where you can empty out your brain, watch the your favorite whatever. You know, figure out a way if if if she, if you don't want her to hear it, get some air things, you know what I'm saying, headphones, so that you can watch your show while she's doing her thing. We gotta, as women, because we we are taxing our lives, or we're so taxed.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we're so drained. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know what I'm saying? And we have too much to offer ourselves and the world to constantly live in this space of trying to catch up.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Trying to catch up financially, trying to catch up on your dreams, yeah, trying to catch up on your rest. You know, we owe it to ourselves to recreate a world that is worthy of us, that includes a soft life and softness.
SPEAKER_00Softness, yeah, that's key. That is key. I mean, and I'm glad you say that because, you know, there's always this talk, especially, you know, on social media, like people can't afford the soft life. But it's not about, I mean, you can't afford you cannot afford not to. And so having softness, understanding that softness is just giving yourself space and time for yourself. Yeah. It doesn't have to mean flying off to somewhere, it doesn't have to mean spending googobs of money, you know, in a salon or shopping spree, or even dinners or whatever. It's just carving out that time.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You just made me think of something. I came across two things. I came across um uh it's called, I think I said it to you, Cavalier Marriott. Did we talk about this?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Cavalier Marriott in Virginia Beach. We need to do a girls thing there. Um, just even for one night. Yeah. But it's on the beach, they got heated pools, it's overlooking, it looks beautiful. Um, there's that, there's um the Beverly Johnson's, not Beverly Johnson, but Sheila Johnson's thing. Yep. Salamander. Salamander. There's one, the one in Fredericksburg, the one here. Um, and then I saw um something about Maryland beaches in the areas um Edgewood, Edgewater, Maryland. Oh 40 minutes from here. I just saw it pop up. Yeah. So to your point that you don't have to spend gobs and you can still have the experience as if you were, yeah, you know, we we can really take advantage and explore and tour, be a tourist in your own hometown. You know what I mean? For less. Yeah, yeah. You know, absolutely. Um, and make those things a regular part of your existence in terms of being good to yourself. Yeah. And then for those that are in partnership, right? Mm-hmm, if you can't afford to pay for the masseuse, be each other's masseuse.
SPEAKER_00Be each other's masseuse. Be willing to learn, be open to to learning and exploring, yeah, so that you can show each other and treat each other to softness. Yeah. Because in reality, brothers need it too. Yeah. Yeah. You know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's it's wild. It's wild. Yeah. And and the thing that I struggle with a lot when you say brothers need it too, something that um my friend and I spoke about, or I brought it up to him. I said, you know, as we do this, he and I did this dance of being in a special relationship, but not necessarily being in a traditional love relationship ever. Even though we have love for each other because of our history. Yeah. One of the things that I said to him, I said, you know, as black people, the thing that hurts my heart is that we uncouple so fast before we are able to get to that peak of what sexual healing is, but also emotional healing, right? We and you know, we there's the relationships are so combative because because there's such a lack, a generational curse of lack of self-love and abuse and dysfunction that we don't ever get to realize what relationships are supposed to do for each other. Number one, a relationship serves as the person that you're involved with is to serve as the mirror to your soul. Yes. Yeah. And in doing that, if we were able to truly understand what that word love means, right? Which means being gentle, listening, not judging, being open, working through the stuff, the hard stuff together with love, holding each other's hands through life, we would actually get to the peak of what a relationship is supposed to do, how it's supposed to expand, and how that love and that sexual healing is supposed to occur because that is really what the relationship is for. And it breaks my heart that there's so many families that never get, we we we have sex, but we don't really explore.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we don't really explore each other's bodies. Yeah, we don't really explore each other because doing that, we don't explore each other's psyche because we're so afraid, we're so sensitive, we're so quick to be nasty to each other. Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that's that's that's usually the place. That's usually I know I can speak for myself when the nastiness comes in, when the ugliness, yeah, the nastiness and ugliness comes in. Oh shut down. Yeah, shut down.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because I'm all love. Yeah. And it was, you know, I always talk about my astrologer. Yeah, he affirmed that. He confirmed that. He said, You are all love. Yeah. And you put so much love out to your own detriment. Yeah. And all you ever wanted to be is being love the same way. Yeah. The same way. And you just have not been able to get it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So to that point, it's for you.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01What it's about for me with you. And it's funny that we're having this conversation because I lie to you God. I told it two decades ago. But we weren't at a space. We weren't close like this for me to say, okay. You have to give yourself a chance. Go deeper. You have to give yourself a chance. When that person comes and that person shows you that they're not able to match your love, you're giving them a chance. Yes. But you're not giving yourself a chance to say I can get it from somebody else. I don't have to settle for this mediocrity. Yes. I can give myself a chance by waiting. Yes. I can give myself a chance by being loving on me. Right? So that I am giving myself time to find, attract the person. I don't have to give him a chance by morphing into what I think. I have to give myself a chance.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay. I hear you, sister. I receive that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel that today. I un I know. And I had said this to you earlier. I'm seeing myself now. I'm understanding myself more today.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, a lot of the information I'm getting by digging into my chart and stuff gives me answers. Yeah. It ties a circle. It answers questions. Like, why am I like this? Why do I keep? Why? Why? Why? Um. And so, yes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then we gotta, we have, and this is this is deep. Um I don't you're not here now. You're not there now. And you can never go back to you. How do I say this? So it's gonna get heavy. It's gonna get heavy because the honest to goodness truth is we don't know what the universe has for you. Okay. And because you don't know what the universe has for you, you honestly don't know what your decision making may be coupled with what he's decisions he's making. You don't know what the decisions may be going forward. So, but it may get heavy financially. Yeah, it may get, I mean, God has blessed you with an amazing payjack, right? But you don't know, you don't know how you may have to reassess what's most important for you. Yeah. You don't know if at some point you may have to and you have to be prepared. You may have to reassess that your psyche and your child's psyche is more important than anything. Yes. Because you see the way this man continues to move. So you don't know. Yeah. So when the opportunity presents itself for you to make a move in the love department again, you will be at a place where the decision will have nothing to do with money, it had nothing to do with what that could possibly offer you. It would have nothing to do with image, it will only have to do with this heart. And this for you. The love for you. Yeah, you will re- you will, because what's happening now is that you are redefining everything that you based your decisions on to marry and stay is dismantled. Yeah. So, which means wherever when you when when it comes to love, you're going in, you will go in a totally opposite direction of everything that you that you use, whatever codes you use to make that decision, your codes are now changing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have to hold on to that when it gets tough. Yes. Even though the desire is to be loved.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and the and and I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be easy for you to do it, you know. Of course, you're gonna still have your needs, but because of your daughter. Because she's made it clear. And because she brought you back to your childhood. Yes. Right? Yeah. So she's made it clear. Not that you can't have a love or something. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But but that's gonna be even even that's gonna be defined because you're gonna be a hundred and ten percent in charge. Yeah, absolutely. You're gonna be a hundred and ten percent in charge. And he will accept that because he's going to love and appreciate you, so he's gonna be happy for whatever he can get from you in terms of your time, your spirit, your energy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But you are a hundred percent in charge.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That feels good. Yeah, it does feel good. It it it it feels, you know, we talk about looking forward.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, but I think for me, the thing that's important, what I'm trying to say is I want you to keep the house if that's what you want. But I mean, we've talked about it before, yeah. Yeah, I'm not I'm not tethered to it. Yeah, you know what I understand. We don't know because sometimes you gotta go back to go forward. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I mean, in and and just thinking about like that session, that one of the the the old lady gang, yeah, and when I sat in the sauna that day and talked to that woman who's been ten years, sixteen. Sixteen years. Yeah. Wow. Sixteen. And when I shared that with Reggie, Reggie's like, Absolutely not that's not gonna be you. That's not gonna be you. Fuck that house. Yeah. You know, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so this is a thing too, and I know in two minutes it's 8 43. Okay, um, this is a thing too. You have to know that bigger and better is out there.
SPEAKER_00And uh yeah, and I have asked, I I have said, universe.
SPEAKER_01Direct my path.
SPEAKER_00This or better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. This or the equivalent or better, the equivalent or better.
SPEAKER_00The equivalent or better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And it sounds like your baby's in love with all it is. Yeah, it sounds like your baby is is ready for a different house. And and that's why I asked you about the reading if you had.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And I hadn't.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had not. Yeah, because um, you know, there's something to that. Yeah, it is. There's something to that. Um the door in your living room, mm-hmm. Um, so there's a door.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01That's that's not a working door. Is that a working door?
SPEAKER_00It's a working door. It used to go in the basement, it does not. It's it's a floor in there, so it's just a closet right now.
SPEAKER_01Because there's energy in that door. There's energy behind that door. Every time I go to your house, there's energy behind it.
SPEAKER_00Okay. That's interesting.
SPEAKER_01And that could be why she okay.
SPEAKER_00I maybe that's interesting. And I will, yeah.
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