Do NOT Die with Dreams Deferred

I reflect on the brilliance of my parents and my curiosity about dreams deferred and lessons learned… take a listen.

To be continued......

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My parents were intelligent people bilingual spoke beautiful Spanish were amazing dancers individually and even and when they came together the few times that they did come together and it was positive, which I could only count on one hand less than five times, they were incredible salsa dancers. My mother was intelligent and constantly in search of entrepreneurial endeavors to expand her financial well well her financial well-being. My dad spoke more than actually two languages. He lectured in the church with utilizing Spanish, Portuguese, Latin, which is slightly different than the Spanish. As a Panamanian, excuse me. Then the Spanish as a Panamanian that he um and excuse me, I'm still in the bed. So excuse the yarn. But I watched both of them maneuver and speak to people. They both had an ability to communicate with others that was engaging and they were likable people, especially my dad. Yet I wonder what dreams remain unfulfilled, unfulfilled prior to their passing away. My dad was an alcoholic all of my life. And I am a woman of a big age. Before I was born, it is stated that he was falling down the steps drunk, and I am a grandmother. And the reason why he died or when he fell, it was as a result of being drunk. And this time would be the fatal fall. What dreams went unfulfilled because he lived so much of it in a drunken stupor outside of when he went to church every day, when he was the most sober. However, he always had a flaxed, is that what you call it? A flax? And uh, and or a um a fake me out uh liquid vitamin or liquid medicine bottle that he would take swigs from. He was at the stage he was, he could not function without it. And probab possibly if he went cold turkey, he would die. What dreams went unfulfilled for him? My mother seemed like her postpartum depression never ended. My mother was was my entire life cried and talked about the poor treatment my dad and his family gave her. She was sad, and even when we tried to celebrate her birthdays, just random gatherings to keep her company, bring her grandchildren, it always, always, always ended or even began with crying sessions that came out of the balloon. She was a distant mother in my childhood, non-communicative, spent lots of times locked in her bedroom in our very, very small apartment. What dreams did she have fulfilled? Did she did what dreams went unfulfilled? And the interesting thing about my parents, my father was an alcoholic, they were both the same, born the same year, but my mother went sooner, and I have to say that my dad lived his life. He traveled the world all my life. Now he you had to watch him because as he got older, it was tougher for him to be around. Uh one of the last things, excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me. One of the last things that he did prior to one of the second to last family function was was his auntie's 100th birthday, and they had to shut the party down 30 minutes to an hour early because he fell and passed out from a drunken stupor. That's when things were getting worse. He had a health emergency. So he was, and then right after that, my cousin, Justin and Maggie got married, and we had to, my sister had to come and police him just to make sure that he didn't ruin things. So he was a challenge. But my point is that he still managed to live his life and enjoy life. My mom instead was never sought clinical help. You know, she believed that Jesus would fix it and relied on the help of what I would deem a very exploitative exploitative pastor. I hope that's the word, um, who took her money, you know, her her pension, opened up a house in Virginia, calling it a senior home. My mother walked in as an assistant to the seniors and was carried out because she was found in a pool of blood and then had to be transferred to a facility where she would later die. But she was looking for something. She was looking for, she was looking for a mother because she also was probably it wasn't just postpartum. And I say that a bit facetiously, so excuse me, but my mom was I most likely had an undiagnosed mental disorder similar to my dad, who we know was in Bellevue, in and out of Bellevue, also all of my life, in addition to being an alcoholic. Neither of them would disclose anything. My dad never disclosed exactly what it is, although he would tell us in letters or in in again drunken stupors that he was in the hot he was at Bellevue. My mom did crazy things like lie to people about her age, lie to her siblings, lie to her mother. Her mother had to say one time, you know it's interesting when your daughter is telling you when you were born. So that was mental illness. One time my cousin called another cousin, the cousin who was going to adopt her when my mother discovered she was pregnant with my sister. And my my cousin called, my sister, I'm sorry, called that same cousin that was going to adopt her. We hadn't spoken to her in decades to check on another cousin, her mother. And the first thing that cousin said is, Is your mother still crazy? Now that wasn't nice, but my mother displayed, did some things that were really odd. I mean, you know, her her conversations always started with, Yeah, in 19 something, something when I was five, you know, every single conversation because she was trying to rewrite history to the same people that went through history. That's like me telling my sister that I am her age, or just two years younger than her, or five years younger than her when we've grown up, understanding that I've been ten years younger and a whole history speaks to it. So that's mental, that's mental illness. But that stems from the drama and the trauma of childhood, growing up poor. Um, she always said that life was good when her grandparents were alive, but once they died, life was horrific, and her mother was abusive. She said that her mother slammed her head into the floor and yada yada. And her mother was an alcoholic, you know, smoking, drank beer incessantly. But even though that was the case, guess what? My parents sent me to be with this woman in during my formative years in Panama. Even though, so that let that sit. The same woman that my mother spent most of my or the first half of my life talking about how abusive she was. That's the woman that both my parents opted to send me to Panama to be with. So, but or and I woke up this morning as I prepared to go downstairs and finish working on or continue working on, I suspect I'll finish tomorrow, but continue working on my capstone, which I have to present in a week to defend my master's degree in strategic communications and public relations. As I awaken, I'm thinking about the fact that I refuse to let any of my dreams go unfulfilled. I refuse. And the go-getter, the person who um fathered me was someone who took up space. For better or for worse, he took up space when he entered the room. You knew he was there. He had a presence, he dressed well, maybe a bit flashy, but he dressed well, he had really nice tuxedos. He was he danced incredibly well, and he danced with everybody, all the ladies. He took up space. So while I will never know what dreams went fulfilled for him, what dreams went unfulfilled for him because of his struggle with mental illness and alcoholism, and for my mom, who was constantly depressed, she was depressed my entire life. I will never know what her what dreams went fulfill, unfulfilled for my mother. I am grateful that the best of them lives inside of me and inside of my children and inside of my grand my grandson. I see the Ford Strong energy, particularly of my father, who died right before his 81st birthday, and had he stopped drinking, had he not fallen, would still be here. As his auntie is celebrating her this year in December would be her 103rd birthday, and his m whose mother pass his my father, my paternal grandmother passed at 99, and possibly would have lived longer if she had better care during the ending of her life, possibly. Um I am grateful that I am determined. And the irony of it all is that I've had money before and I've not been educated on how to do things, but this time I'm using my intelligence. This time I'm being smart with my money. This time I'm taking my money to invest in myself, in my businesses, because I know that when God gives you gifts, a gift, a plethora of gifts, for those multi-hyphenated people like myself and my children, when God gives you those gifts, if you listen, if you allow yourself to be guided, if you quiet the noise, if you ignore the opinions of others and focus on the download from the universe, from the creator, from the divine, from the omnipresent. If you focus on the direction, the divine direction, because what you desire is your divine direction. If you focus on such the way to execute and utilize your gifts to re-gift it to the world, which is a divine design and intention, you will accomplish your goals, your dreams will be fulfilled as opposed to deferred, and you will live inside of the alignment for your individual life. There's no need to compare, there's no need to complain about where you are in life. Whatever your desires are, they are valuable. And if you focus, a way will be made. A way is being made by the fact that it is still, you're still getting that tap on the shoulder, you're still getting that excited feeling when you think about that it, that thing, those things that you wish to do. I don't care your age, I don't care what stage in life you are in, I don't care even what you've been through, respectfully. If you have the tap, if you have the notion, if you have the nudge, if if you have the hunch, if you have the intuition, the internal GPS guiding you towards something that brightens and lightens your your spirit and brightens your world just by thinking about doing it. It's something you could do all day, even without pay. But because we live in a capitalistic society, because you in order for you to do it all day, you have to get paid. Go for it. Go for it. Stop saying life is too short. Extend your life by paying attention to the dreams and the gifts that you've been given. Allow yourself to release that serotonin from the joy that you would feel from going after your dreams. Will it take planning? Yes. Will it take time? Yes. Can you do it by chipping away at it a little bit every day or taking a few days out the week to focus on it? Absolutely. My parents passed away on November 27, 2019, and November 7th, 2024. And I am sure that they had dreams that went unfulfilled. I know it. I know it. In their honor, acknowledging their beautiful lives. Go I fulfilling all of my dreams and being happy and grateful. I am happy and grateful for my very, very long life. My peaceful life. I am under grace and not karmic law. I am holistically healthy. I am financially wealthy, financially abundant. And I am perpetually fulfilling and following the divine design and trajectory of my life. I have quieted the noise. I have distanced myself from the dysfunction, which is their legacy, my parents' legacy. I have distanced myself from the dysfunction. I am focused, and I am two less than two weeks away from presenting my capstone to fulfill one of my biggest dreams, which is to obtain my master's degree. I am also a month away from publishing my first literary work, which is a journal for moms, which is tied into my capstone project that I present. So look at how after all these years, it took me decades. Again, I'm a woman of a big age and a grandmother. It took me decades to get my degree. Yet everything is falling into place because I never gave up on. Because I never gave up on my dreams. So I guess my message to you is don't give up on your dreams. It's that simple. Just don't give up. Do something about it. Do it today. Peace and love.