EP 225 | How to Let Go When Change Feels Hard

Change doesn't usually break us. What keeps us stuck is holding on to the habits and beliefs that no longer serve us.

After taking a short break, I share a few personal updates before diving into my new Let Go Model: Let Go. Level Up. Let's Go. We explore why letting go is often the hardest part of change, the signs you're still holding on, and practical ways to move forward with more confidence, clarity, and intention.

If you're navigating a career transition, leadership challenge, or a new season of life, this episode will help you stop waiting for certainty and start taking your next step.

Chapters:

• 0:00 The Truth About Change
• 0:54 New Era Updates And Growth
• 6:29 Why Change Triggers Resistance
• 8:09 How The Let Go Model Began
• 9:45 Sponsor Fresh Set
• 11:10 Signs You Haven’t Let Go
• 16:54 Level Up With Five Skills
• 23:09 Your Let’s Go Muscle
• 28:31 Share This And Stay Connected

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to let go and level up.

More than just a podcast: 

• Subscribe to our YouTube Channel 
• Subscribe to our Newsletter 
• Apply to be coached by Lisa and receive a free call 
• Sponsor Athletic Greens, click to order and receive a free gift!
  
  

Transcript

The Truth About Change

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So here's the truth that no one tells you about change. The greatest barrier to change isn't change itself, it's our attachment to certainty. Welcome to the Confident Podcast. I am Lisa Tarkington, your guide to mastering confidence and leadership. As a business and leadership coach, keynote speaker, and the founder behind the Nonprofit Lead, I am here to equip you with the confidence, clarity, and strategy to create game-changing results so that you can step into your power as the person that you are meant to be. If you press play today, it's because you're ready for something bigger. Each episode, I'll bring you real, raw conversations and actionable insights that will empower you to redefine your leadership, reclaim your confidence, and transform into the unstoppable force you've always been known to be. This isn't just another podcast. It's your journey that we're on together. So buckle up and let's dive into this transformation.

New Era Updates And Growth

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Hi, everybody. Welcome back for another episode of the Confident Podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Tarkington. I feel so good to be back in the seat. I haven't recorded in almost a month. Um, so it's nice to be back. You know, as we as you've probably noticed, we've switched to kind of a monthly cadence right now. Doesn't mean we always will, um, but I'm excited to be back talking about some really great things that are happening not only in my personal life, but really dive into some amazing professional pieces that can help you personally and professionally in your life as well. So you're probably gonna notice on this episode that we've kind of done a brand lift. And that means that yes, we are officially in a new era. And I feel like every time I talk on this podcast, I'm talking about like a new era of my life or something new that's happening. And I think that is one of the most beautiful things that I've learned over the past couple of years that as much as we want to avoid change or we're not ready for change, change is constant. And so as I think about these new eras of my life and what I'm looking to do, I'm really excited for also what the podcast is going to look like and how we're gonna keep growing. So you're gonna keep seeing rollouts of the new brand, not only on the podcast, but my website and a variety of different things. So I'm very, very excited for that. But other things that are have been so incredible since the last time I've talked to all of you is that my son is officially walking. Yes, I have a 15-month-old. I think he's he's almost 15 month-old at this time, uh, maybe 14. I don't know. You kind of lose count after a while. And he's officially walking and watching his excitement, his independence is so fun. We were at an event recently and he was sitting on my lap, eating some French fries because I swear that's his favorite food right now. And all of a sudden, he just kind of like didn't want to be on my lap anymore. And he just started walking. And it's been really cool to see this independence of wanting to go explore and see the world differently and just like get to see this new phase for him. You know, it's fun to watch kids grow and change and evolve. And I think sometimes we give them so much grace because they don't know any different. When he's frustrated and he's kind of trying to like scream talk to me or he's pointing at what he wants, I can't be frustrated with him because he doesn't know another way to communicate. But I've also realized in the adult world, we get really frustrated with each other when people are going through change because we quote unquote feel like they should know better. But I would say that sometimes, yes, that could be true. But at the same time, I truly believe that because change is constant, we're all trying to figure it out and we're all having different milestones in our lives, just like my son has. Um, other things that are new is I have a new operations person who has started for my company. It has been amazing to work with someone that sees and understands my zone of genius, is in their zone of genius, and how you can work together on building amazing things together. I think it's been really cool to see and understand what I teach every day to each and every one of you who listens in, who is my coaching clients, or just anybody that watches any of my videos and social as well, is that I really want people to understand what their four zones of work are. We've talked about this on the podcast before. I can link it in here as well. But knowing my zone of genius has been a game changer for where I want to scale and grow myself, but also understanding who I need to bring along for the journey. Now, I will say many times in my career, I haven't done this right. And I think I'm still learning. I mean, I'm in my 30s, still learning how to be a leader, learning how I want to lead direction. But it's been really fun to see how this how I can evolve the more that I'm in my zone of genius. So if you haven't figured out your zone yet, be sure to take my quiz, listen to that podcast episode, and just understanding more about your zones will help you pivot and grow in your life. Other things is my clients are doing amazing. Shout out to all of you who might be listening today, is it has been really cool to see the accountability, the growth, the expertise in people and the understanding of like, hey, this is where I need support today and listening and talking and being vulnerable. And my clients are very, very professional. You know, they're people that are aspiring to grow in their careers. And it's been really cool to have a front row seat at what they're doing, but also the accountability that they have for themselves to do it. And lastly, you've probably seen that on the news. You know, summers in Michigan have been like just a little bit crazy this year. We had a little virus, couldn't eat lettuce, from what I'm from what I heard. Luckily, I didn't get it. We had some smoke issues due to the fires in Canada, um, ups and downs of weather attempts. And I feel like we had one other thing too that I'm completely forgetting that was happening this summer. But I would say overall, this is Penn, I'm gonna call this the summer of peace for me. I relate it back to the year of 2021 where I just used my word was freedom in that month or in that summer. And I think this one has been a lot of peace. You know, things are progressing for myself and a lot of the goals that I have. You know, I, as you've probably listened on this podcast for many years, I have high expectations of myself. But also being able to unplug and be with my family and my friends has been so incredible. Um, so I'm honored to first off live in Michigan. I think it's such a wonderful state, but also be able to enjoy it as well.

Why Change Triggers Resistance

SPEAKER_00 6:29

So now we're gonna dive into like the topic, which is dun, dun, done, change, which is exactly what I had already been talking about. And the reason why I felt like this was such an important topic to talk about was because, like I said earlier, change is constant. I see it in myself every day in different chapters of my life, but I also see this in every individual and company that I work with and encounter. There is also resistance to change. There is questions about it, people are wondering why we have to change or what that is. But many times what we don't talk about is the feelings that go with it. Because a lot of times what it means is that change, in an essence, means that it's requiring us to be another level of ourselves. And so we're gonna get into it. We're gonna get into why change feels so hard. So here's the truth that no one tells you about change. The greatest barrier to change isn't change itself, it's our attachment to certainty, the habits, the beliefs, and the ways of working that made our last chapter successful. I'm gonna say that again. The greatest barrier to change isn't change itself, it's our attachment to certainty because every new chapter requires a new version of us. And most people never get told what that actually requires. We're waiting for that certainty of what that's going to look like. But what we have to do is embrace what that where we need to go and figure out like, hey, change is constant. How am I gonna step up to prepare

How The Let Go Model Began

SPEAKER_00 8:09

for this? And so we're gonna be breaking it, breaking it down into three different parts today. Um, this is all around my let go model, which is brand new to my pivot with courage messaging and news storyline and branding that I'm bringing to the world. I truly believe pivot with courage is one of the key things that we can do in our lives. And so my let go model really aligns to this. So it's about how do we let go to level up, to get into the mode of let's go. And before we dive into these three areas, I really want to share where this model came from because it came from not only the individuals that I work with in the companies, but my own story. You know, in my office at my house, I have a whiteboard in front of me and I have these big post-it notes on the left-hand side of my desk. And I put things on there, you know, that, you know, I'm a steward of God's work through my business. My job is to help make an impact, to help people pivot with courage. And I have this thing that's a bullet that says, let go. And one day I was walking up to my office and I was just kind of passing it as I was walking into my son's room, and something caught my eye, and I realized that I thought it said, Let's go. And it when I think about that, I realized, hmm, in order for me to let go, or in order for me to get to where I want to go, I have to let go. And then it gets into gets me into let's go mode.

Sponsor Fresh Set

SPEAKER_00 9:45

We talk a lot about confidence on this show, and let's be real, it's hard to feel your best when you're worried about the way you look, the way you feel, and sometimes that means how you smell. Have you ever gone to the gym and had to rush to a meeting after? Or maybe you've been working at a coffee shop and leave smelling like an espresso. For me, during those Michigan summers, I often I'm often by a campfire and just too tired to wash my hair afterward. And that is why I carry something that helps my hair smell great without forcing me to spend time on a full wash when I just don't have that time. It's called Fresh Set. Fresh Set is a clean, clear mist that eliminates hair odor, not just covers it. So your style can last longer between washes, and it is made in the USA. Designed for post-workout sweat, day three blowouts, hats, helmets, travel days, and everything in between. While everyone else is stuck in a wash-dry style cycle or hiding behind the same ponytails for days. I'm moving on to the next thing with total hair confidence. So don't be the last one to discover it. It's the ultimate secret weapon for a busy schedule. Use the code theConfident for 25% off your first purchase. Again, go to freshsethair.com and use the code thECOFID for 25% off.

Signs You Haven’t Let Go

SPEAKER_00 11:10

So this model is really built off of not only my own story, but also what I've seen in every individual and company that I've worked on. In order for us to move to that chapter that's next, we have to let go. We need to level up in order to get to let's go, to in order to move to this chapter and be prepared for what it's going to ask of us. So when we think about let go, how do you know you haven't let go? I'm gonna give you guys some examples. Maybe you defend a decision more than you get excited about it. Maybe you say, I'm fine with it, when something, when something you bring up again three, but you bring it up three weeks later. The idea of a new version of you feels like a loss before it even happened because you have this grief of something that you are planned that you're going to give up, but you haven't even done yet. You feel more relief imagining someone else making the decision for you than you make it yourself. You're tired in a specific way, not in the tired from effort, but tired from bracing tired. You feel like if you loosen your grip even for a second, the whole thing is going to collapse. Maybe that project, maybe that company, and maybe you're gripping on very, very hard. Maybe you keep a project alive because you started it, but not because it's actually serving the goal that it's built for anymore. And maybe you know exactly what you tell someone else to do in a situation that you might be in, but you're just not doing it yourself. Now there are many things that I hear when people are like, I just can't let go. And sometimes it's that project, sometimes it's that they they don't know how to delegate. Sometimes it's this, but that my identity is wrapped up in that area. How do I get through that? I completely understand. There's so many chapters in my life where I did not want to let go. I I always picture, because I live in Michigan, like me literally driving in the snow in Michigan, and you're just kind of like hanging onto the steering wheel, like embracing it because you're like, okay, if I if I lose this sight, I could, you know, you know, skid off or something onto the road. And so I picture myself when I'm not letting go, me hanging on for dear life when really instead of being a relaxed driver. And so if you're feeling like you're white knuckling something right now, I want you to really think about what do you need to let go? So, what can you actually do to help yourself let go? That's probably what you're asking yourself, like Lisa, come on, okay. We know, I know that I'm not letting go. Like, now what I do. First, you have to name what you're protecting. Not the fear, but the identity. You have to ask yourself, what version of me does this decision keep me safe from? Your ass. You have to really understand why and what what's causing you to have your identity and what that would look like if your identity wasn't aligned to that anymore. You have to then separate the role from the identity. Ask, is this actually mine or is this just familiar? Because from being familiar and your identity can get very confused all the time. One is who you are, and the other is just what you know. And so you really have to understand of what is my identity as a person, and then what is my role right now? And I'm talking about a career specifically when I think of that, but you know, we have different roles in our lives as well. And then ask yourself do a cost of staying audit. Because we as humans calculate the cost of change consistently, but but no one really calculates the cost of staying exactly where you are. I want you to write out what is the cost of me staying where I am right now and not letting go. And then the fourth area of this one is practice letting go of something very small first. And I literally just worked with this on with a client yesterday because we have some big, ambiguous things that they need to start to delegate, but I knew that they needed to start small. So think about a pivot that you can make. Maybe it's an email that you're not going to rewrite seven times. Maybe it's uh letting go of an opinion of someone that no longer serves you. Um, maybe it means that this like one piece of this project that you keep hanging on to, you can just like hand it off a little bit to someone before you hand off the bigger pieces. Because the more you let go, the more that you put the reps in, the easier it gets over time. And I know this because I not only see it in my life, but also in my clients' lives. What I also have seen is when we hang on for too long, what that also can do to someone. So you'll know when you actually let go when the decision stops feeling like a loss and starts feeling like a relief. And I'll give you an example. I this was gosh, it's probably been about 10 years now, but I remember this so well. It was a decision I had to make, and I was just like hanging on. And I made finally made the decision. And I remember FaceTiming my parents later that afternoon. Um, and they asked me, like, How are you feeling? I said, the only way I can define how I feel right now is relief, and why didn't I do this sooner? But I think we tell ourselves so many stories of why we're hanging on, why we're doing this. But really, what we have to do is let go to get to the next chapter, which takes us to our next piece, which is level up.

Level Up With Five Skills

SPEAKER_00 16:54

So letting go clears the space. But the part that I hear many people skip is like they want to let go and they just want to move on. But we have to figure out how do we let go to feel lighter and then actually feel different because letting go isn't the destination. Okay. It's what actually makes room for skill building that comes next. So I'm gonna give you five different areas that I truly believe that when you start to let go and you need to level up in your skills, these are the five skills that I truly know that are key in that growth. And the more that you can grow in them, the better it is to level up your skills to prepare you for the next chapter. And all of these different pieces I teach my coaching clients, I teach myself, I teach my family, my friends, and also in my keynotes and workshops as well. And the first one is self-awareness. I have shared multiple times on this podcast that 90% of people believe that they're self-aware, but only 10 to 15% of people actually are. And I encountered this even a couple of weeks ago, and I was like, wow, there's a lack of self-awareness in this room right now. But when I see people letting go and leveling up, I can see their self-awareness starting to grow. You can start to ask people around you if you're looking to grow, is like, what do I do when I'm uncomfortable that I don't see myself doing? So again, the more that you're gonna level up, you're going to get uncomfortable. But you need to know like, how do you show up? And so that you can push through that. So when you can start to notice that gap of how you want to perceive and how you actually show up with under pressure is a game changer because a lot of people also, when they don't have the self-awareness that they're not letting go, they can't level up and move to the next level. Self-awareness, I truly believe, is the number one skill anybody needs to have if they're looking to level up. The next one, we're the confident podcasts. So obviously, confidence is another skill that I truly believe that you have to have. Now, confidence isn't just a mindset shift. It's it's really built on reps, it's built on skills. It's like um noticing, like, okay, like I did this. Okay, that was really uncomfortable. How am I gonna level up and grow in this area? And I think a lot whenever I'm teaching confidence, people are like, well, I'm not confident in this yet. But I was just having a conversation with a friend recently. We also, we both are keynoters and we're both also coaches. And since we've been coaching longer than keynoting, we both talked about how confident we are in coaching. And we talked a lot about how we've leveled leveled up over the years because we had to let go of um what no longer was serving us in those chapters with coaching to kind of move to the next level. And we said, okay, what can we take from that in our confidence and the reps that we put in to also put that into the keynote world? So thinking about that from your own perspective, picture something in your life where um you've had to level up, but you had to let go of something and that kind of like helped you with your confidence. But think about the next piece of like, ooh, this is gonna be a little uncomfortable. But if I do these reps, I will get to it because I've done it before. And again, it's not waiting until you're ready, it's starting to put the reps in and starting with the actions. The next one is communication. I literally was at a panel yesterday where we talked about communication. And so it's about practicing staying, saying the true thing in low stake moments so that you can prepare for the muscle in high stake moments. Um, if you can't disagree in a meeting about lunch plans, you won't be able to do it in a matter or in a meeting that actually matters. Um, name the elephant in the room, have the hard conversations. Most communication breaks down, break breakdowns aren't from lacking words. They're actually about avoiding the obvious things that everybody's already thinking. And I can't even tell you how many times I've gone to meetings and people have called me after and been like, what did you think of X? Or this is how I felt. And I just wish so much we would have had the confidence and leveled up in our communication to have those conversations right now. But we have to let go of that chapter of us that might not have spoken up in order to get to get to the next level. The next one is decisiveness. I teach this one in practically all of my workshops because as humans, we sometimes we love decisions, we we can hate decisions. Um, but the more that you can be decisive in this skill and like making decisions in your life, and sometimes knowing that it's not a permanent marker, but also just like, you know, chalk where you can wipe it off, the better we are at making decisions to level up. And sometimes people think too, when I'm I don't want to let go because it could be permanent. Well, so we just sit on it. And so what decisiveness allows us to do is make a decision, move forward, and level up. I think of it a lot of times as a GPS. Like, think how many times, or at least for me, I use a GPS in everything that every time I drive. Basically. Maybe I missed a turn. All it does is reroute me. And so, but I made a decision of like going to the certain destination. Maybe I didn't get there exactly on the path that I wanted, but at least I'm moving forward and leveling up. And the last one is navigating obstacles. How do you how do you move through obstacles? How do you navigate them? Because when you are letting go, that's an obstacle in itself. And then when you are learning competencies and skill sets to help you level up, you are going to have obstacles. Things are going to be uncomfortable. You are going to have to think about what is this going to require of me? You're going to have to think about like what do I need to do differently versus why is this happening to me? Those are two very different uh responses. And so when you're thinking of obstacles, I want you to think about like not what could go wrong and all about me, but how am I going to grow and how am I going to navigate these obstacles? Because as you level up and let go of a past chapter, all five of these are going to be key. Now the last

Build Your Let’s Go Muscle

SPEAKER_00 23:09

one. And I want you, if you're in your car or you're listening to this at home, wherever you are, I want you to literally say out loud, let's go and get excited because this is the fun part. You let go of what no longer was serving you, what didn't need to be in this new chapter of your life. Or it doesn't even have to be like this big, ambiguous chapter. It can be, I'm letting go of a project, I'm delegating. It can be big, it can be small. I feel like anytime you're letting go, it's big. Okay. It doesn't matter if you think it's, well, it's not a big deal. It is a big deal because you didn't want to let go of it in the first place. But to get to the let's go mode, it is just like, oh, it is so beautiful. But this is what I want people to remind themselves is let let's go doesn't mean that you're going to be 120% ready. No, that doesn't mean that the fear is gone. It doesn't mean that like you're not going to have discomfort, but it means like, hey, I'm starting to like let go. I know what I had to do to level up and what this new chapter requires of me. And I'm going to go into less let's go mode. And this can show up in a variety of ways. It can show up at home. It can show up at work. It can show up in a new role. It can show up in delegating. It can show up a lot in change management within organizations or shifts in culture shifts as well. So what is let's go actually look like for you to think about? Well, it's making the decision before you are 120% certain, certain, because I don't know about you guys, but I've never known 120% sometimes on the certainty. And maybe it is a gut feeling, but I'm still trusting myself there. Another area of like let's go is when you're finally starting to operate in your zone of genius. Maybe you had to let go of something in order to get there. And you're trying instead of trying to be good at everything, you're really focusing on your zone of genius. Maybe you start to trust yourself enough to stop asking for permission you didn't actually need. Or maybe you stop taking advice from people who actually don't know what's going on. Maybe you're taking the next right action, not the whole plan. Maybe everything isn't figured out, but you're just taking one step forward. Let's go means that you finally are stopping, stopping, holding on to whatever that last chapter required of you, and you're moving forward and you're just so excited. And I say excited, but I'm also gonna use this word relief of like, I'm here. And so when you think about this in your life and how to build the let's go a little bit as a muscle, I want you to think about pick one decision this week you've been waiting for more clarity on. Okay. And just say, let's go. We're gonna figure this out. We don't need more clarity. I know enough, I have enough information to make this decision. Maybe notice where you're asking for permission from a boss, from a peer, from your inner critic. Yeah, that's me sometimes, that you actually don't need. So stop asking. Just tell yourself, let's go. Let's make some decisions. And then maybe define what your actual zone of genius is. And I talked a little bit about this earlier, but this is really key and write it out on paper. You know, most people still operate outside of their zone of genius, but the more that you can be in your zone or even the zone of excellence is even really good too. Then you can say, let's go. And as I share all of these pieces, I also understand that it's not just so easy, but it's small, small steps. But when we let go of what we're just like gripping onto, and then we decide here are the competencies and things I need to grow in to get to this next level. And then we get into the let's go mode, it is a game changer. And I share this because I'm going through it myself right now. And I think it's been so cool to see of what I've finally let go of, what are the tools and skills I had to really re um ramp up on, um, which are the five that I just shared with each of you. And then how do I get into let's go mode? And I would say I feel like on all cylinders, I'm fired up on the let's go right now. I'm still like feeling the uncomfortable peace, fear peace, all of these, like the inner critic still comes out, but I'm moving forward more than I ever have. And it goes back to I'm finally believing, or not finally, I've actually always believed this, but I am really, really pivoting with courage. Courage is just something that comes with, you know, the courage within us and trusting ourselves. And so it's really beautiful when we can continue to pivot with courage and believe in ourselves. And so to wrap up this piece, it's really the let go model, is what I want you to think about. So I want you to think about why change feels really hard sometimes, why you don't want to let go. But imagine if tomorrow you were in the let's go mode. What would shift and change for you? So if you're stuck, it's almost never a change problem. It's a letting go problem. Maybe it's a skill building problem or a permission problem. And you just have to figure out which one it is and then what you're going to do about it.

Share This And Stay Connected

SPEAKER_00 28:31

So if you recognize yourself in this whole conversation, or if you know someone going through this, please share with them. I love hearing people's stories of what clicked with them. You know, it was really cool. I just got a I got a call on Monday from someone who was listening to the podcast and how it resonated with them and what they're doing differently because of it. And I love hearing those. So please share with me. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast, share with other people, and just know like I am here to support each of you, to help you grow in your skills. And I cannot wait to hear your let's go stories because it is going to be extremely beautiful when you start to believe in yourself, you let go, level up to get to the let's go mode. So, as I say it, every in every podcast continue to spread love and kindness to everybody that you meet. And have a great day. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Competent Podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. So send me a message at podcast.lisa Turkington.com. Don't forget, while you're there, to subscribe to our newsletter, subscribe to our YouTube channel. And don't forget to spread the good by sharing this with someone in your life. Remember, you have the power to choose confidence every single day. Keep showing up, keep striving, and keep believing in your potential. I'm cheering you on, and I'll see you next time.