Not Surprised MEDIA
Comedy and current events.
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Not Surprised MEDIA
DATING WITH ALEXA! #114
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In this episode Frank Nasty and Alexa attempted to speak about current events and popular topics but got side tracked after Frank Nasty found out Alexa went on her first date after 10 years using a dating site. Frank Nasty gets the details then reads profiles of dudes requesting her companionship. Enjoy!
YOUTUBE:
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New show every week!! Bonus shows will be posted every now and then as we expand. Sit back and enjoy. Email us anytime.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. This is the Frank of the Nasty, and uh we're here with the Elector. How are you? I have like it.
SPEAKER_04No, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02The music goes out too loud. There's gonna be more where that came from because I had a lot of beef. And I dipped the uh bread in the grease. So if I bust out of here because I gotta check it.
SPEAKER_05I should be given like one of those alcohol answer, like the little things.
SPEAKER_02Nah, you don't need that shit. My shit don't stink.
SPEAKER_07You're trying to kill me.
SPEAKER_02Alright, motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_07If y'all don't hear me halfway through, I died.
SPEAKER_02You died of fucking mansmell. Yeah. I forgot what I was gonna say. Um fuck! What was he gonna say?
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, real quick before we get into all your personal life.
SPEAKER_04That's what we're doing today.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. This is the Alexa personal hour. I well, real quick, I got a metal detector that I told you about that, right?
SPEAKER_07Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it's uh upstairs.
SPEAKER_07So cool.
SPEAKER_02And uh I love it. It's my new hobby. We'll see how long I love it for.
SPEAKER_07I hope for a long time because it would be so cool if you invite the rest of us to join you at the beach and you go under a pier. Yep, and then we could just all go treasure hunting.
SPEAKER_02Treasure hunting. Yes. But you if I found something very expensive, I'm not telling, I'm not telling you motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_10I'm like, yo, go over there.
SPEAKER_07Got nothing. Uh, not gonna lie, same.
SPEAKER_02I ain't telling you shit.
SPEAKER_07I'm not telling you shit.
SPEAKER_02Good. So you keep your pockets and I keep my pockets, motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_07Cool.
SPEAKER_02Shit. But I uh so I was I'm new at the detecting of the metals. And I um I was going beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
SPEAKER_03And it went beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Right?
SPEAKER_02Because it's got different tones and different numbers. I don't know what the numbers mean, and I'm starting to learn what the tones mean. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Certain numbers mean certain types of metal that it finds.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02It can't distinguish between a bottle cap and a ring. You know what I mean? But it could tell you like a ring will give you 50 something. I don't know. I'm just making up numbers. And a bottle cap will give you like 40s and you know, shit like that.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_02So you just dig everything. So I'm going beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And this is at Mesquamaget. No. Hammond Acid. Hammond Acid Beach.
SPEAKER_08Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02So beach is packed. And uh make sure I was recording. Good. Uh beach is packed. And uh I'm digging in front of somebody's fucking uh towel and shit. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02A little annoying, but fuck it, I don't give a fuck. It's a public beach. I'm digging.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then uh, so I dug this hole, it had to be in a foot deep in the sand. Like a I'm 47 years old, like a fucking little asshole.
SPEAKER_07Wait, how how deep was this?
SPEAKER_02Like about a foot deep.
SPEAKER_07Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02But it's five, that's pretty deep. And you know what I mean? For an adult. Yeah. To be digging in the sand.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I'm like, dude, it's coming here. Every time I dig, I put the sand to the side, then I take the thing, I check the sand that I put to the side. Mm-hmm. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. No, nothing there. Oh no, it goes, quiet.
unknownIt's quiet.
SPEAKER_02That means the motherfucker's still in there. I put the machine over the hole, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. So I'm digging. It's going back and forth. Now everybody's looking. That's around me. It's like, dude, you're gonna find something good in there. Yeah, I found a spoon. A fucking asshole. A fucking spoon. I felt like such an asshole. Right? So I see the spoon. I'm like, fuck, dude. So I dig this out, or do I just the rule is if you find something, you have to take it and then you can throw it out. You're cleaning up the beach, too. But I was like, fuck this rule. I'm gonna feel like an asshole when they see me pull a spoon out. So then I pull it out, and some dude to the right of me is like, yo, that's a lot of digging for a spoon. I was like, yo, I'm new. I'm new, I'm new. So then I'm walking by and I got all this gear on. I got like a I got a belt with a pouch. It's got like, and then I got my I got everything. All the gear.
SPEAKER_03You're that guy.
SPEAKER_02I'm that dude at the beach. Yeah. The fucking loser. So, oh, that's some good equipment. You find anything good ever? And I lied. I was like, I found a Rolex once. I lied.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god, you should have shown him yours.
unknownOh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I should have shown him a picture. I'm like, all right, cleaned it up. I lied.
SPEAKER_07In that moment.
SPEAKER_02I lied. I didn't know what to do. I panicked and I said, I found a Rolex. No, I didn't. I was like, fuck. What do I do? And then I had to keep thinking about my lie. Oh, what kind of? It's like a GMT. It was kind of beat up though. I don't know. I gotta see if it's real. Alright, God, I'll talk to you later.
SPEAKER_06Oh my God.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But that same day, within a half hour, actually, I fill up that hole, do whatever I gotta do, and then I end up. That's any picture? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I gotta see if the diamonds are real. But it's silver and there's an emerald in there. So I found something.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Then I went back to Steph. I'm like, yo, look what I found.
SPEAKER_10Would you find a bottle of cab, you fucking lose it?
SPEAKER_02No, I found a spoon, first of all, motherfucker. And you ain't gonna use it. And I'm gonna clean it up and put it in our regular spoon fucking drawer.
SPEAKER_07I'm never using your spoon.
SPEAKER_02I should have done that if I threw it away. I should have fucking I should have cleaned it up and just put it in the spoon drawer.
SPEAKER_07And put like nail polish at the end so you knew exactly which one it was. And she's the only one that uses it.
SPEAKER_02I just put a little dot. That's just eating soup and fucking. Hey, man, you fucking talk shit. That's a fucking crackhead spoon, yo. People got fucking heroin off that motherfucker, yo.
SPEAKER_06That's terrible.
SPEAKER_02Yep. And then um but genius. But then I was like, see what I got? See what I got? She's like, okay, find 18 more of those, and you can pay for your shit. You you fucking bought.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Like, damn, yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, but if you go, that's what people say. You gotta go under like the or to the rivers where people drop off.
SPEAKER_02But she's waterproof.
SPEAKER_07You're yeah, yeah, yeah. 16 feet, yo. That's supposed to be, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Dope.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. The Farmington River is low right now.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna go there. Yeah. I was almost gonna ask you where it was. I swear to god, dude. But I snapped myself. Yeah. I was like, fuck. I was like, yo, where's that shit?
unknownOh, Farmington.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but it ends somewhere else. Doesn't end in Farmington. Does it end in another town?
SPEAKER_07I know that um you can pick it up all the way up in the people's forest if you go up there.
SPEAKER_02I don't know what the fuck that is. Where's the people's forest? I just told you if you That Farmington? No.
SPEAKER_07No, no, no. But if you if you go there, it's literally the people's forest. You can park and then go down, and then you can just there's enough of an area that you can. Is that where they give you the bus?
SPEAKER_02I remember I took a bus.
SPEAKER_07I think that's in Canton.
SPEAKER_02So you actually have to start in Farmington. Oh no, it's up, down. I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_07I think it's like in Canton. Yeah, it's in Canton.
SPEAKER_02And then you take the bus up.
SPEAKER_07And then it'll take you, yeah. Uh by um Devil's Devil's cannon or something.
SPEAKER_02Something like that. I should do it.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Something. Yeah. You should. It's low right now because one of my one of my co-workers went down the river too, and he said that it was really low, and it took them like an hour and some change to get down all the way down. Yeah. And when it's high, what if it's walkable?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I remember I did it once.
SPEAKER_07Well, I got a call and somebody got stuck in a rock.
SPEAKER_02So what from there? You got a call?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02From there? From that area?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02No shit.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Then what'd they get stuck on?
SPEAKER_07The foot got stuck in a rock.
SPEAKER_02So they were st holy shit.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02They were stupid asshole. Just twist your foot, you fucking retard.
SPEAKER_07They did. That's how I was stuck. They couldn't get out.
SPEAKER_02I don't even want to know because every time you ask, how do you do that? Then it happens to you be like, oh now I know.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. I don't want to find out.
SPEAKER_02No, I don't want to find out either.
SPEAKER_07Because my look, I'll go underwater.
SPEAKER_02Oh fuck. That's my fear, dude. Fuck that. Like those people that go they go into those underwater caves and then they're fucking stuck.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. And then it's no air.
SPEAKER_02And then your air dies out. Or you even go to the ones that not that aren't underwater. But it's like you're crawling in your back. You have to like arch your back a little bit to get out, and but then they get stuck and they can't move. Now they know they're dying in the dark.
SPEAKER_04Mm-mm.
SPEAKER_07No, thank you.
SPEAKER_02Fuck that, dude.
SPEAKER_07Nope.
SPEAKER_02Fuck that.
SPEAKER_07Nope.
SPEAKER_02I'm not supposed to be under No, we're not supposed to be under fucking caves and rocks and shit.
SPEAKER_07Nope. I'm not a lizard person. No. Well, right. Lizard. Benjamin. Benjamin, sleep in his bed.
SPEAKER_02Ben Hamine.
SPEAKER_07And while he's sleeping, make sure that you go into his dreams.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, good. Because you know what, Benjamin? You might get molested.
SPEAKER_07What?
SPEAKER_02How are you like that, Benjamin?
SPEAKER_07Benjamin, tickle his feet.
SPEAKER_02Good. I'm gonna tickle my tickle your balls. How you like that, Benjamin? Don't be coming to my dream punk. You might not get out. You might not get out, Benjamin.
SPEAKER_07This sounds like a scary movie. I know that's what I was getting it from.
SPEAKER_02Uh that comedy one, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, the scary movie. I can't remember the one that's a little bit more than the other one where the third one.
SPEAKER_02He was uh the the scary ghost came or the cart um fucking clown. Yeah, and he was trying to get away and he's like just pulling him under the bed.
SPEAKER_06He's like, where are you going?
SPEAKER_02So you went on an adventure with uh another human.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, oh yeah, yep. I I went on a I went on an eating adventure with another human of the opposite sex.
SPEAKER_02Oh good. So you went to a restaurant?
SPEAKER_07Yes, I did. I did. Okay. Someone invited me to partake.
SPEAKER_02Ooh, okay. So how did this let's start from the beginning.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_02How did it start?
SPEAKER_07With a conversation.
SPEAKER_02Okay. We're gonna go even further than that. Where did you meet them? Um there we go. I feel like I'm talking to one of your fucking complainants. Where do you live? I almost said it. Where do you live? In town?
SPEAKER_07Um, so I met and I said, uh, because it's uh it's an online online dating um whatever it's called. I don't even know what they're called anymore. But yeah, one of those.
SPEAKER_02Sex app.
SPEAKER_07No, no, because that will not be happening.
SPEAKER_02You mean I'm on Tinder?
SPEAKER_07No, not Tinder.
SPEAKER_02Blender. What's Blender? Definitely.
SPEAKER_07What you use in your kitchen?
SPEAKER_06No, I think that's for you're talking about grinder?
SPEAKER_02Grinder! I think Blender is a fucking app.
SPEAKER_06I mean in your kitchen.
SPEAKER_02No, I'm gonna Google it.
SPEAKER_07Do it. Do it right now.
SPEAKER_02Let's see. First I gotta fucking make sure I mark this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07The Blender app. It's gonna come up with the ninja.
SPEAKER_02No, it's not. It's gonna be a sex app.
SPEAKER_07No, it's not. It's gonna be the ninja foodie app.
SPEAKER_02Sex app with the blender. Alright. Uh oh no, this is the wrong fucking thing. I'm not in the right thing. Here we go. Oh, there you go. You can see what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_07I'm looking, I'm looking behind you.
SPEAKER_02Blender. Open source. Oh no, that's TV creation. Blender dating. Blender no. Nope. I get uh Blender dating app. Blender dating app right here. It says it. No, that's not it. Yeah, Blender. Yeah, Blender! Here we go. I'm clicking.
SPEAKER_07Go ahead. What's it for?
SPEAKER_02Are those two dudes?
SPEAKER_07I don't know. Yep. Those look like weird humans. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Oh, fact that. You know what I downloaded quick before.
SPEAKER_07Why is she 18?
SPEAKER_02Because they're all fucking retarded. I'm taking the shit off before I fucking get a virus. So you know what I downloaded this app and then we're getting back into your blender. Uh I downloaded this fucking thing, um, Beaches or some shit.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Because I wanted to see where the beaches were when we were in Florida and Hawaii and all that shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So it was a social app called Beaches.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02And then the first couple things, it's almost like fucking Instagram, where people post where they are, and then it just turned into fucking chicks throwing their asses. I was like, well, this is kind of I mean, butchies were nice, but I'm like, this isn't the fucking what it promoted as.
SPEAKER_07Oh. Well.
SPEAKER_02It was turned into like a fucking yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Oh shit.
SPEAKER_02And then just dudes just fucking.
SPEAKER_07This is not a promo.
SPEAKER_02No, hell no. I don't even know what the fucking name of the thing was. And if y'all start getting clicks on it because of this, you can send the cash for cash flow for your blender. Alright, so you met him on this dating app.
SPEAKER_07Yep. Yep.
SPEAKER_02So when you saw him, you're like, click like.
SPEAKER_07Well, he liked me.
SPEAKER_02What do you look like? Um so he liked you, and then what'd you do?
SPEAKER_07So I was like, oh, okay. Like his profile was Can I see his picture?
SPEAKER_02I'm not gonna say anything on there. I just want to see what you're doing.
SPEAKER_07I trust you 0%.
SPEAKER_020% I'm gonna give my honest first impression.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Alright, I won't.
SPEAKER_07Like, I don't trust you. I trust you. Honest first impression. Honestly, I don't trust you. Okay. Hold on.
unknownLet's say this. Because I don't trust you.
SPEAKER_02Let's see this fucking Halloween monster.
SPEAKER_07I can't fucking stand you.
SPEAKER_02I gotta see what this monster looks like.
SPEAKER_07Why? Why does he have to be on a monster?
SPEAKER_02You tell me. Let me see.
SPEAKER_07Hold on, my lord. No, look, you're reaching. I know you have screenshots. I do, because I sent it to my friend.
SPEAKER_02I guarantee he sent you a fucking mushroom stamp pick.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02He didn't send you a peeves?
SPEAKER_07No. My god. Who do you think I like would match with? No. I don't know. Hold on.
SPEAKER_02With your fucking meshed out windows where you can't see in or out.
SPEAKER_07Listening. Okay, no.
SPEAKER_02Your fucking frosted windows. The fuck's so goddamn private, yo. The fuck's so private, yo.
SPEAKER_07My life. My entire life. I want a new one.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02Hey, somebody's out the window. Who is it? I can't see because I fucking frosted all my windows.
SPEAKER_07You're so dumb. Hold on. Okay. Alright, let's see. Okay. And I have to tell you something else, too.
SPEAKER_02Let's see this multiple.
SPEAKER_07So this person is what we refer to as collagen. Now ask me what that means.
SPEAKER_02Yes. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_07So in the Latin culture, collagen means that it's somebody who's much younger than you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, collagen. I get it. Yeah, inject you with that collagen. Yeah, you get that.
SPEAKER_07No, you're idiot.
SPEAKER_02Simone. Well, you said I didn't fucking say it. So damn baby fucking, what is that? Baby cradle robber.
SPEAKER_03No. Alright. So. Okay. So I'd hit it.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Well, I'm not.
SPEAKER_02If I was gay, but I'm not.
SPEAKER_07I cannot. So we just chatted. Uh-huh. Um, and then he asked me to go for dinner and drinks.
SPEAKER_02Where'd you go? If you or you could say what type of dinner? Italian. Yep. See your figures.
SPEAKER_07It was. It was Italian.
SPEAKER_02What nationality is he?
SPEAKER_07Um half what he said was uh white and Filipino. He didn't specify what white. Could be anything. He didn't specify.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Italian food. Would you Okay, so you're there.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02How was it?
SPEAKER_07Yeah. It was it was good. There was a couple times where he said like some very um young words, and I looked at him and I was like, oh god.
SPEAKER_02What'd he say? Six seven! Nah.
SPEAKER_07No, no, no. He didn't know. But he he used the word Riz at one point, and I was like, I was like, no. It's like bruh.
SPEAKER_02Next time you do that, I'll go on a double date, I'll bring stuff. Dude. No, so yeah, it's a great idea.
SPEAKER_07Well, okay, but like here's the thing. Like, I don't know that with this person, I don't know that there would be another date.
SPEAKER_02No, probably not.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, because I'm just like, like, that was a good way for me to like get out of the way. Dusty ice. Yeah, like just get the vibe for like me.
SPEAKER_02Smash it real quick.
SPEAKER_07No, none of that. I won't know about it.
SPEAKER_02Dustia. Dusty uh. Oh, how the fucking was my thing? Oh no. It's over there.
SPEAKER_07You put it over there. Whatever comment you were gonna make to me, you put it over there.
SPEAKER_02I fucking lost it.
SPEAKER_07It was right there.
SPEAKER_10Get the dust off now, pussy!
SPEAKER_02Oh my god.
SPEAKER_07Distrespect.
SPEAKER_02I said it wrong. That was bad, right?
SPEAKER_07It was so terrible.
SPEAKER_02Dusted that shit right off. Good for you.
SPEAKER_07Do you want to try again?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. No, I forgot what it is. I think it was in uh maybe you could have gone with it. One of the Friday movies. Anyway, fuck it. Okay. I said it all wrong.
SPEAKER_07Okay. Well, no, I went home on my own and he went home on his own.
SPEAKER_02After you guys smashed.
SPEAKER_07Had dinner.
SPEAKER_02Oh, good. Is that a gold word for sexual activity?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's good. Yeah. So when you went for dinner, were you going anywhere else?
SPEAKER_07Um no.
SPEAKER_02That's it?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You go out to a bar.
SPEAKER_07No, because there was a bar there.
SPEAKER_02Oh. Yeah, but did you sit at the bar?
SPEAKER_07We first sat at the bar. Nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Did you get little tipsy and shit? Start grabbing them? No.
SPEAKER_07I just had I had one drink. That's it? Yeah. Shadow smash. No. See, I'm a big believer that especially like the first time. No, yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_02Meeting somebody, like Yeah, it should be have all your wits about you.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, and you want to be sign of mind so that you know, like, okay.
SPEAKER_02He's not gonna kill you.
SPEAKER_07Well, yeah, I don't want to die.
SPEAKER_02It's true.
SPEAKER_07Even though people do have my location.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, but you gotta make sure. Don't just know the location of the body.
SPEAKER_07Right.
SPEAKER_02That's all they're gonna know. Like, yeah, she died.
SPEAKER_07She died.
SPEAKER_02She died here.
SPEAKER_07Right there. No, but like, you also want to know, like, okay, do I like this person? Can we have a conversation? Because you can talk to anybody when you're drunk.
SPEAKER_02That's true. I talk to a lot of fuckers.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I become the friendliest person when I'm drunk. Normal me, not so much.
SPEAKER_02I invited this weird girl to the house to do a podcast.
SPEAKER_07Were you drunk?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_07You're not talking about me because no, we were sober.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. No, I remember I did that. And then the next day I was like, Did I get this girl's number to do a podcast? He's like, Yeah, you did. You told me this story. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you told me the story, yeah. Some weird shit. I never called her. No, so you're right. You gotta keep your wits about you. Wits. Whits about you.
SPEAKER_07So actually, low-key, my favorite kind of date would be like it's breakfast. Because if I can have a conversation with you during the day in the morning, yeah, then I can probably have a conversation with you anytime of the day.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, when there's no stimulation like fucking music and blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_07Do I like you enough to spend the morning with you?
SPEAKER_02That's good. So that's nice.
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But some of these people are fucking on him.
SPEAKER_02So what what were some of your awesome conversations? Like, why do you say Riz?
SPEAKER_07I don't even remember.
SPEAKER_02Girl, I got that riz.
SPEAKER_07I think it was something along the lines like, so do I have the riz? Hell. How's my riz or something?
SPEAKER_02I was like, uh fucking loser.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, and there was like a message that he had sent. He's like, yeah, I'm pretty stoked about it.
SPEAKER_02I was like, Oh, God. Shut up. Who paid?
SPEAKER_07He did.
SPEAKER_02Good for him. That's good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07He paid. He held the doors. He was very nice. You know, he was very much a gentleman. You're trying to smash. Yeah. He was trying to smash. No. No, thank you.
SPEAKER_02Damn, dude. He's wasting money.
SPEAKER_07Like, you're so stupid. Like, look at the kind of messages that I get. Like, like, look.
SPEAKER_02Can we read them?
SPEAKER_07This is somebody messaged me this. I did not match with them.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_07But this was them trying to.
SPEAKER_02I was like, it was another girl who messaged you, but that's I know that's me.
SPEAKER_07They commented on my picture to try to match with me.
SPEAKER_02Yo, gonna be straight up. I'll go 10 rounds with Floyd Mayweather to at least go one round with you. Anymore?
SPEAKER_07No, that was like the funniest one that I got. I don't know. I was thinking.
SPEAKER_02Do you have any more? Just any more? I'll just read them.
SPEAKER_07No, I'd have to go into my thing and like look at them. And I don't want to.
SPEAKER_02So did you respond back to that person?
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Why? Yo, send me a dick pic.
SPEAKER_07I didn't want to go any rounds with that person.
SPEAKER_02Why not? You gotta practice. What do you mean? You gotta practice.
SPEAKER_07No. I practiced saying no. I was like, no.
SPEAKER_02Oh. Yeah, but you gotta like get your riz on. You know what I'm saying?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Let's just say.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_02Me and Steph parted ways.
SPEAKER_07Yep. Because you gotta go out there to the dating world.
SPEAKER_02When I had to go out into the dating world, I'd be fucked. I'm like, you wanna see my metal detector?
SPEAKER_06You'd have to go find the woman that's got her own metal detector.
SPEAKER_02We're just at the beach and we just collide. We walk right into each other, and then all these sparks come up, and it's like, dude, I found my love.
SPEAKER_07Like, no, actually. Metal detecting. No, you just got electrocuted.
SPEAKER_02We attracted our yeah. We we attracted to each other. Metal detecting. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I found my love. Oh my god. So anyway, what time were you finished with the uh the date? Yeah. Eight o'clock?
SPEAKER_07I think it was like well, you know, he had a bedtime. Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_02Probably did, probably to Simelec.
SPEAKER_07No, I think it was like nine, because I had I had working the next day, so where what town did you go to go out to eat in? Um Waterbury.
SPEAKER_02Waterberry? Where is this guy from? Ish.
SPEAKER_07So around that area? Kinda? No. So where I work, funny enough, that's where he lives.
SPEAKER_02Oh, what Italian place? You gotta tell me what Italian place. I wonder if it's a place I go to. I gotta guess. Did you hear that?
SPEAKER_03Was that your nasty? Nasty, right?
SPEAKER_07Nasty.
SPEAKER_02What Italian place was it?
SPEAKER_07Uh San Something.
SPEAKER_02I wonder if it's a place I go to. Oh, so delicious. Was it up on a hill?
SPEAKER_07No. It was like right there. Um Thomas Dow, I think. It was literally right there, like in a plaza. Like a little corner spot.
SPEAKER_02So what wasn't D'Emalios? San Marino? Yeah, that one.
SPEAKER_07This one? Yeah, that one.
SPEAKER_02I've been there. I know where it is. It was pretty good.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. I had the Caesar salad. It was good. The drink was good.
SPEAKER_02So did like you guys touch fingers and shit?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, he put his hand around my chair. Like he was.
SPEAKER_02So when you were sitting, was he sitting to your left or right or in front of you?
SPEAKER_07To the right of me. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Why?
SPEAKER_07Because we were sitting at the bar.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. But I'm saying, did you have a I thought you were sitting at a booth or something?
SPEAKER_07No, we were sitting at the bar at first. And then we went over and he still sat sounding.
SPEAKER_02When he put his arm around you, we were like, Yeah, I'm gonna hit it.
SPEAKER_07No, he didn't he did not say that.
SPEAKER_02No, but you were thinking that.
SPEAKER_07No, we're not thinking that. It's not that's not I don't know why, but that's not no.
SPEAKER_02So what did you think? We're like, this is the one. No, and then he said Riz, and you're like, fuck.
SPEAKER_07No, so the whole time it was very much like you're you're very young. Like in your mind, for me. No, he's uh but for me. For me, like that's what was going through my mind.
SPEAKER_02Was he young mentally too? Or just physically young.
SPEAKER_07No, no, because he didn't he didn't really look like that young in person.
SPEAKER_02Well, he was almost in his three in his 30s, yeah. Ish.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Late 20s. Alright, he wasn't 30 yet.
SPEAKER_07No, yeah, no, so and it was like every now and then there would be like again certain things that he would say. But and I asked him, I was like, so you know, there is an age gap.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, are you retarded?
SPEAKER_07Like, what you mental health? Like, are you like what is that about? Like, is this the first time you've ever gone on a date with somebody like that's older than you? And he's like, No, and I'm like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_10It's as fast as you gotta fanish.
SPEAKER_07So I asked him, I was like, So what's the oldest you've ever oh here we go, dude?
SPEAKER_02How old?
SPEAKER_07He's like, I don't want to tell you. I'm like, why? I want to hear because you're gonna judge me and I'm like, I'm gonna judge you anyway. So judging, I'm judging you right now, so just tell me. He's like, like my mom's age.
SPEAKER_02I was like, How's your mom?
SPEAKER_0755.
SPEAKER_0255.
SPEAKER_0755.
SPEAKER_02Did you ask me if he smashed it?
SPEAKER_07He definitely did because he was he said he did.
SPEAKER_02Oh, he said he smashed it?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah.
unknownDamn. That's pretty dope.
SPEAKER_07Sorry, I'm airing all your shit out, bro. My bad.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we didn't say his name. What's his name?
SPEAKER_07No, I'm not saying his name.
SPEAKER_04Poor guy. Damn.
SPEAKER_02Did he show you pictures? What she looked like?
SPEAKER_04No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02Yo, text him right now. Say, can you send a picture of that chick? No, I'm not doing that. My friend wants to see it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm not doing that.
SPEAKER_02No shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Good for him. Yeah. Where do you meet her?
SPEAKER_07So I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02On the app.
SPEAKER_07Probably one of his friends.
SPEAKER_02No shit.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Smashing some fucking cougar badge.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that's more than a cougar at that point.
SPEAKER_02No, that's cougar. Cougar. MILF.
SPEAKER_07But think of think about what's cougar.
SPEAKER_02Cougar is like, yeah, in the 50s.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, but think about his age right now. Because that's how it's a now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but how long are we? He probably did it fucking two days ago. Did you share a drink?
SPEAKER_07No, I had my own drink and I had my own straw.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, herpes.
SPEAKER_07So I was like, mm, hold on.
SPEAKER_02Were you scared that he's gonna fucking drug you?
SPEAKER_07No. No. No.
SPEAKER_02Did he say let's go back to my place?
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Did you say let's go to the back of my car?
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02What kind of car do you have?
SPEAKER_07He has like a little coop, two-door freaking, I don't I don't know. It's like one of the room rooms.
SPEAKER_02Oh, good. Good.
SPEAKER_07I couldn't remember. Good. Good.
SPEAKER_02Well, have you been looking some more on this uh Blender app or whatever you're on? Yeah. What app is it? Can I say? You can say, just say, just say.
SPEAKER_07No, I don't want to. No, I don't want to. No, because there's so many. So no, I don't want to.
SPEAKER_02Is it uh Thinder?
SPEAKER_07No. No.
SPEAKER_02Farmers Only.
SPEAKER_07Yes.
SPEAKER_02Remember Farmers Only?
SPEAKER_07I don't know, but yes.
SPEAKER_02You don't remember Farmers Only?
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Oh, we're about to show you this shit, yo. Farmersonly.com was a dating. Matter of fact, I think it was even before apps were around. Farmers Only.
SPEAKER_07Well, it's what I'm using right now, so.
SPEAKER_02Farmers Only.
SPEAKER_07Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Dan, you're fucking baiting switch because you ain't got no fucking farm. Farmers only.
SPEAKER_07There's one up the street from my house, so.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so you fucking go pick me up on my farm.
SPEAKER_07Just like meet me here.
SPEAKER_02Here we go. You ready?
SPEAKER_07Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Alright, here we go. One would think Zara Larson doesn't have to think about him. Standby. Standby coming up to Farmers Only. Dude, I got bad gas pants.
SPEAKER_01Where are all the country girls? They're at farmersonly.com. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Oh, there was a big only farmers only.
SPEAKER_07Is this actually like real shit? Is this a thing still? I don't know. You're giving them free promo right now. That's okay.
SPEAKER_02I just want to watch one more.
SPEAKER_07That was 11 years ago.
SPEAKER_00She's really lonely and I'll walk in the cornfield again.
SPEAKER_10With their cattle table.
SPEAKER_00Not hanging out with us all day.
SPEAKER_01We used to be lonely until we met on Farmersonly. Farmersonly.com is the new online dating site.
SPEAKER_02Fuck it. Rancher is the good old country folks.only.com.
SPEAKER_07No. No. No. We don't get it. I don't get it. I don't understand. I could never Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_02Well, you went on your first date, you dusted it off your uh I did. Your dating uh thing.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02Did you uh No Lord I'm trying to be polite.
SPEAKER_03Please do.
SPEAKER_02Did you get yourself ready just in case something happened?
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_07I understand what you're saying. And no.
SPEAKER_02Brazilian, all that stuff?
SPEAKER_07No. Like, no. No. I feel like I know what you're no. Not for that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Actually, I was on my cycle, so.
SPEAKER_02What a waste of a dinner. Not for me. Not for me. What'd you get?
SPEAKER_07I told you I got uh the Caesar salad. That's it? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You fuck. Caesar salad?
SPEAKER_07That's what I wanted.
SPEAKER_02That's stupid. You just didn't want to eat like a normal meal. I've seen you get popcorn at a you just stopped at a movie theater to get popcorn.
SPEAKER_07True story.
SPEAKER_02And you're like, I'm just gonna have a Caesar salad.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Why'd you do the Caesar salad?
SPEAKER_07Because it looked like the thing that I wanted off their menu.
SPEAKER_02No. You just want to be polite.
SPEAKER_07No, I didn't like the rest of the stuff on their menu.
SPEAKER_02Oh, really? Because it's Italian, you're fucking racist.
SPEAKER_07Alright. Okay, why am I being racist? Because tell them to expand the rest of their menu. Why?
SPEAKER_02Well, you want Chimichonga's motherfuckle? No. Oh, wait, is that Mexican?
SPEAKER_07I think so.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, whatever. Same shit.
SPEAKER_04I'm Puerto Rican.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I forgot.
SPEAKER_04Get your reference correct.
SPEAKER_02Hold on.
SPEAKER_04Are you looking for a few?
SPEAKER_02You want to make a dating uh a dating fucking commercial for you?
SPEAKER_07No, I don't.
SPEAKER_02Why?
SPEAKER_07I have enough, like no.
SPEAKER_02Let's just do it real quick.
SPEAKER_07No. No.
SPEAKER_02Farmers.
SPEAKER_07I literally just had to like tell a person yesterday why their profile was sketchy.
SPEAKER_02Oh, what was it? Why was it so sketchy?
SPEAKER_07Because so they they liked my they liked my pictures, like they they tried to match with me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_07And they didn't have any pictures of themselves. Zero.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you can't do that.
SPEAKER_07It was just like they're just like their torso.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you can't do that.
SPEAKER_07And I was like, so why no pictures?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_07What's going on?
SPEAKER_02So they messaged you first?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, they messaged me. So I I asked the question because I was like, hmm, this is weird. I just, no, not bored.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, what's wrong with you, you fucking psycho?
SPEAKER_07I'm like, you seem like an idiot. So he was like, well, you know, there's a lot of women out there that are, you know, putting these men on these uh these sites and doxing them and telling all these lies.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, shut the fuck up. You're just an ugly fuck.
SPEAKER_07Actually, my my mind went to, well, it sounds like you got a lot of women that probably got a lot of shit to say about you.
SPEAKER_02You doxing motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_07You moron.
SPEAKER_02He was probably catfishing.
SPEAKER_07I think he had a lot of women that he might maybe like fucked over.
SPEAKER_02And then he gets a bad review. Like Uber.
SPEAKER_07Exactly.
SPEAKER_02No shit.
SPEAKER_07So he's like, nah, I was probably already posted, so people aren't gonna like like me if they see my if they see my picture.
SPEAKER_02He's a fucking asshole.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. And he's like, Well, you know, what what wouldn't make a woman post a man on a on a site like that? I'm like, well, let me tell you what wouldn't.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I wonder if I get any hits. I get mad bitches. Imagine if it was just dudes, if it was just dudes if I hadn't clicked on my shit. I'm like, damn it, this sucks.
SPEAKER_07You'd be surprised. I've gotten I've gotten couples.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah. Oh, couples asking you?
SPEAKER_07No shit. That they're looking for like a third or the no shit. The husband, they're like on a in a poly situation and that the husband's looking for the additional girlfriend. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10And you were like, well, I'm free Friday.
SPEAKER_07I'm like, uh nah, bruh.
SPEAKER_10I'm Free Friday.
SPEAKER_07Uh I'm not good with sharing.
SPEAKER_10Let's go to fucking Kentucky Fried Chicken. I like Kentucky Fried Chicken.
SPEAKER_07I do, but I don't share my food stuff.
SPEAKER_02You want to go to the movie theater just for popcorn?
SPEAKER_07If you buy any popcorn, it might be a different story.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I figured. So do they put their picture out on there?
SPEAKER_07They will put them like both of them.
SPEAKER_02You would think, what if their family sees that shit? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_07I don't think they do.
SPEAKER_02I guess they don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_07They don't give a fuck because at that point everybody knows. Yeah, who cares? Everyone knows.
SPEAKER_02See, I would get like a third to clean.
SPEAKER_07That's called a maid.
SPEAKER_02No, you know, clean my balls.
SPEAKER_07Sounds like a maid still.
SPEAKER_02They do that?
SPEAKER_07I don't know.
unknownClean your balls.
SPEAKER_02Did you ever see this commercial? Watch this.
SPEAKER_07Which one?
unknownWatch this.
SPEAKER_09Night out on the town. $75. So. So? So how about a blowjob? Getting the nerve to ask such a question? $12 bottle of wine.
SPEAKER_00Are you crazy? My parents might say. Come on.
SPEAKER_09Who's gonna see us at this hour? I'll return the favor.
SPEAKER_00Wait, can you imagine if we got caught?
SPEAKER_10Oh my god, what my dad would do to you. There's nobody around. Everybody's asleep.
SPEAKER_00No way, it's way too risky.
unknownPlease.
SPEAKER_10I love you so much.
SPEAKER_09Actually, using a line like that, another $12 bottle of wine.
SPEAKER_10I just can't. Watch, please.
SPEAKER_00Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom.
SPEAKER_09Need be he'll do it.
SPEAKER_02Just shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_07That's hilarious.
SPEAKER_02That's a good one.
SPEAKER_07That was funny.
SPEAKER_02Alright, so that's a good dating thing.
SPEAKER_07Where are they going with that? That's funny.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so your date went okay. Yeah. Yeah. But now are you uh are you uh checking your inboxes, waiting for another one? Or are you uh what's uh are you pursuing any uh meat? Dudes.
SPEAKER_06Oh okay.
SPEAKER_07I was like, wait, like penis.
SPEAKER_02But not penis, but you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_07I didn't know which meat. I didn't know if you were coming on like meeting with somebody or like meat.
SPEAKER_02It depends on what the fuck you want.
SPEAKER_07I cannot, I can't um there's been other people that I I've matched with that have been decent conversations.
SPEAKER_02Let's see what come on, just fucking let me see. How you're not gonna let me see? I'll tell you yes or no. I won't say a name or let's say these fucking monsters. That other one, I would have been intimidated.
SPEAKER_07The one that said with the with the rounds? The rounds with me, weather? Is that the one you're talking about?
SPEAKER_02Oh no, the other one. No, your first date.
SPEAKER_07Intimidated. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_02He looked very handsome. Was he but when you saw him in person? Were you like, ah, fuck.
SPEAKER_07No, he was handsome in person. Yeah, yeah. He was good looking in person.
SPEAKER_02I'll knock his ass out. Fuck you. So stupid.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02I cannot. Fuck that dude.
SPEAKER_07I can't. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna I'm gonna go into the app.
SPEAKER_02I wanna see.
SPEAKER_07No, because I know you, and you're gonna you're gonna fucking go and touch anything.
SPEAKER_02I won't, I swear. You're gonna fucking say the name of the app. I promise. I promise. Swear to God.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Do it.
SPEAKER_02All right. I won't say the name. I swear to God, I won't. You're such a liar. No, because if I do, then you won't show me anything.
SPEAKER_07You're right.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm. All right. I'm gonna show you the inbox. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_07So here are the people that have messaged me. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Where's the thropple one? I want to see what they look like.
SPEAKER_07Oh, well, those would be like the people that that's on the other side of it. Oh, okay. So these are matches up top. Like so those are the ones So matches are in here.
SPEAKER_02So what happens? They match with you and you say yes or no?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, and then you can kind of chat and see whatever. Like if the conversation So those are the ones you said yes to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Damn, you got a big inbox, yo.
SPEAKER_07Because you want to see, like, okay, let's see if you're not.
SPEAKER_02But you get all these matches?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Damn. It's good for you.
SPEAKER_07And then like these are the people that have matched, but you I haven't chatted. Like I haven't said anything. Or like they have to on the top. Let me see. So and then I won't say the name. And then I'll show you because then there's still over here is people that have liked me. People that supposedly want to like be friends.
SPEAKER_02Liars. Liars.
SPEAKER_07The married ones. Liars. Married ones. So here.
SPEAKER_10Let's see. Alright. Let's see.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. I almost said the name. So the ones on the top were ones that have matched.
SPEAKER_07Still in the books that you didn't that I have not had a conversation.
SPEAKER_02They have not all of them kind of look the same.
SPEAKER_07Kind of like a type, right? Yeah. Kind of.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, except for this guy. What is that?
SPEAKER_07I don't know. I don't know what you're looking at. Oh, sometimes this app will send you people that they think would be a good match based on like your interests.
SPEAKER_02But that's not on the top.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, it'll be on the top.
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, that's uh Alright. So these are the people that if I click on it.
SPEAKER_07You'll be able to see their profile, like their pictures.
SPEAKER_02Can I click?
SPEAKER_07You can click.
SPEAKER_02I'm clicking.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_02Can I say his name? That doesn't matter. Emilio.
SPEAKER_07Are you looking at our conversation?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh, it's in Span. It's almost in Spanish.
SPEAKER_07That's funny.
SPEAKER_02Can I read the conversation?
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_02Alright. Let's see this guy. Can I read his profile?
SPEAKER_07Uh which one?
SPEAKER_02Emilio.
SPEAKER_07Oh, yeah, you can read the profile.
SPEAKER_02Well traveled. Love to learn about new places. Cultures. Looking for a positive connection. And see where it leads. I have large foreskin. But it won't get in the way, I promise.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. It does say that. It does say that. It does, it does.
SPEAKER_02He's located in 5'9. He's taller than me. I'm short. I would lie about my height.
SPEAKER_07I feel like some guys do. No, I don't think I would. No, but I feel like some guys do on there.
SPEAKER_02I'm like a fucking compact awesomeness. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Let's see another one. I want to do another one. I want to read another one. Let's see. Uh we're gonna go to um let's go to polo. Can we go to polo?
SPEAKER_07I don't even know which one that is, so polo.
SPEAKER_02How do we get into his thing? This polo.
SPEAKER_07Oh, that one I haven't even like chatted. So go ahead.
SPEAKER_02I'm clicking.
SPEAKER_07Low key, not even interesting. How can I get you right now?
SPEAKER_02Let's see. Why? What's not interesting? Is it his tattoos?
SPEAKER_07I don't know.
SPEAKER_02It's just like you can't.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, you get a sentence after a while. It's like nah. You get a second look and you're like, actually.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so you ready? Hello if you're reading this. I'm here to date. Not for a pen pal if you cannot hold a conversation or communicate well. He's got a lot of runoff sentences. Holy shit. Okay, let me start over. Hello. If you're reading this, I'm here to date. Not for a pen pal. If you cannot hold conversation or communicate well, please do not waste either of our times. It's gotta be like a comma somewhere there.
SPEAKER_07Like a period. Something. Like stop.
SPEAKER_02I would like to meet and talk. Wait, what? I would like to meet, talk, FaceTime to confirm. I'm just gonna read the way he wrote it because I can't do this.
SPEAKER_07No, see, like that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02Like, there's some that you're just like, okay, once that you have a second look, you're like, Yeah, I would like to meet, talk FaceTime to confirm you're actually real, and please be respectful. Bitch, shut up, stupid ass.
SPEAKER_07And sometimes when you read them like the second time, you're like, mmm, you're giving me a vibe that you're dumb. You're dumb, and also you're not gonna be respectful.
SPEAKER_02Like, I thought I was stupid because I thought I couldn't read this, but it's just because there's no punctuation.
SPEAKER_07But it's also giving a sense of like you need to be in control because why did you need to end with and please be respectful?
SPEAKER_02Like, why it's like shut up, yeah, gay.
SPEAKER_07Why you why did you need to feel that enjoy a good conversation?
SPEAKER_02Communication is key with me. My love language is in person, touching, kissing, affection. Even if it's simple walks, holding my Instagram, holding my second, wait a second. All right, hold on, I lose it.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02My love language is in person, touching, kissing, affection. Even if it's simple walks, holding my Instagram is polo. M di polo. I am DJ Polo.
SPEAKER_07I think it's I'm DJ.
unknownOh, DJ Polo.
SPEAKER_07Mm-hmm. I think I had to read it like three times.
SPEAKER_02Because I'm see the way I'm reading it is the way he wrote it, so it's dumb. So holding my Instagram is M DJ Polo. Reach me.
SPEAKER_07I thought it was an L.
SPEAKER_02I didn't want to say the whole thing.
SPEAKER_07It's okay.
SPEAKER_02Dang DJ Polo. Uh located in this place. Out of state, we'll say. Yeah. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna read another one. I got another one.
SPEAKER_07Can I show you the one that like I'm gonna read the thing.
SPEAKER_02I like these. I like these fucking uh I like these messages or the profile thing does.
SPEAKER_07Okay, hold on.
SPEAKER_02Cause the one that I think this is gonna be called Dating with Alexa.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. This will be a whole fucking segment.
SPEAKER_02Like dust it off. Or the Brazilian. Jeez. It could be anything. The Brazilian.
SPEAKER_07That'll be the one. That's the one. No. This so okay. You can you can read this one, but I'll edit it.
SPEAKER_02Just because I won't give real uh full names or location.
SPEAKER_07Okay. I mean he doesn't have anything.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I I got it, y'all.
SPEAKER_07I've been doing this. I don't know. Don't read don't read don't read the IG. Um and he actually I won't I won't give his uh He actually doesn't put he doesn't put anything just because this one I do like this one I'm having conversations with But you want me to read his fucking fucked up No no no I because I don't want you to give his eyes I won't do it I won't do it. I didn't give this other guy's Yes you did kind of by accident you did because I was like Im de Jolo you said it you said the whole thing I was like Yes you did we'll go back I think you're hearing things no but he doesn't no I'm saying it because he doesn't really say anything Okay let's do this okay all right Okay looks the same they all fucking look the same dude all of them with the this looks like the other dude but just standing up a type no shit they're all the same his fucking shit sucks stupid is not a lot he didn't put anything on there looking for a long-term relationship long-term relationship but open to short these fucking people dude and this is the same location as where the other fucking guy was from it must be something in that water I know when you drive through the fucking city and town and state it smells if anybody knows what I'm talking about on your way on your way to the airport to one of the airports to two of the airports yes yeah you go through the uh places rhymes with don't don't but anyway it smells when you're on the highway right okay and I'm not talking about Pennsylvania it's way before Pennsylvania but you have to go through there to get there well not even Pennsylvania but anyway go ahead okay chunk look at him he's fucking laying down young as ball at him sample because his mama must be home no because it ain't juicy he's just fucking staring at his phone hey asshole you want to cut the shit I love you no more I love you he's so cute I can't see from my angle okay okay he doesn't have anything in his in his profile so just stand by finished okay okay chunk is done all right looking for a long term relationship long term relationship but not open wait fucking shit long term relationship looking for a long term I should tell you that relationship they're not the one that wrote he speak English he's not the one that wrote that that's so you select what kind of oh my god what kind of relationship fucking write your own shit no so you have to put in there like what kind of relationship you would so these are just like clicking things yes looking for a long term relationship long term relationship but open to short uh something casual chatting friendship fingering nope yeah I'm pretty sure it's just fingering no I didn't see that show me another one I want something where somebody wrote something so I can read it okay and I want to I want to how about I just I'll give you instead no somebody that I want to know the people that are sending you the message I want to read their profile so I'm gonna let you go to the people that liked me because those are the ones that are usually like okay what the fuck yeah let's do that those other ones okay I just hold on let it load okay here there you go there you go this is where you find the gems because they'll send you like it's kind of the same again that it I didn't like him he sent me the like let me see his gold chain I didn't match with him I can't zoom into this yep you can if you click on the picture.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna click okay let's see if that chain was real it'd be like 30 thousand any real anyway I don't know 5000 an ounce no okay good energy better laughs and moments worth talking about later chemistry hits different when the vibe stays effortlessly effortless gay next what else we got delete you gotta hit the X oh X oh so I could delete no I send a message like you're gay and then no because then you match if if you want to send a message then you're gonna match with them. Can I just match real quick? No because then you delete Oh my god what's this dumb fuck? I don't know I can't see this fucking asshole with his fucking glasses so big your glasses are big you fucking turd you if you go if you go like this you'll see more pictures of the person so you read it and then there's more pictures of them those are fake teeth you know like that fucking I need to get those done I want fake teeth ambitious hardworking and disciplined seeking like minded partner for long term connection I love the sun the beach and a healthy lifestyle who doesn't love reading he's a liar movies sports I need a team player with goals and respect it's a lot of uh sports puns in there I feel like he needs a man yeah he wants a dude that's what it sounds like I'm looking for a guy to see excuse me I'm looking for let's let's read the sports buttons go sports I need a team player with goals go dude he's getting fucking flamed on this shit and uh and respect another one from the stinky state finance he's in finance he's 5'7 that's my height see more about this person I can't say the first name yeah I don't care Frank gives a fuck he's got a ch college degree English and Spanish you know he's not Spanish he looks Italian uh Atlanta okay let's see okay let's see the pictures fake teeth alright all right let's see his shoes he looks like a metrosexual you know what a metrosexual is yes yes he's Italian dude he's not Spanish look at your fucking glasses dude just uh put your fucking glasses enough look at that fucking shit he's a chooch what they call a chooch I'm a denied denied I don't know what a chooch this is another one yes or no I'm not gonna hit anything but let's see this one's got a lot to say Lewis 47 when you read from uh an area close to Connecticut okay I have one son nah fuck that no baggage oh wait you have kids but I have baggage I take that back well your kids aren't baggage they're older I was gonna say I'm like here's the thing like my kids are older yeah so it's not baggage anymore but I'm very upfront now they're more of a nuisance because then they're they're kite blockers now because they're they know enough to be like no mom oh yeah they will talk shit to everybody yeah so no they're kite blockers but I'm I'm very upfront like I I'm not having any more kids I don't want more kids I'm at the stage of my lips pregnant from a one night stand no I can't frank I had surgery how do you know it works what if your fucking tubes went together I literally had them removed what my tubes what if they grew back you know like a tail oh yeah because you are a lizard person yeah yeah what if your lizard tails grew back in your ovaries fucking magic here and now you have I got the magic in me the super tunnel yes super semen tunnel to make children if listen if that was the case if that was the case brother somebody better pay me and make me into a tie they would fucking yeah you couldn't tell the you couldn't tell the government that shit that would catch you in a heartbeat you'd be fucked we're fucking this bitch they would artificially inseminate you and shit just to see if something happened what what what yeah if your ovary things grew back what was taken out my um my philoping tubes what if those grow back I would have them removed again you can't because you can only do it twice in your lifetime and they grew back oh now you're just throwing extra like three times you could die okay Dr. Frank okay well no fucking when it happened when it happens you had MD PhD I don't need MD I got fucking AI chat GBT motherfucker fucking alphabet soup I got alphabet soup in this bitch okay let's go back to uh Lewis47 Lewis47 I have one son okay I gotta read this again I have one son that I have full time yeah it's yours his mom oh I can't do this one did you read it did you read it no read it you can't you don't have to read out loud but did you read it uh uh no so the way that's I'm not doing this one this young she passed away I can't make fun of him no but you already started to and number two let me skip that part I can't see the next person until I swipe yes or no on the person I feel bad for this guy I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it I'm sorry Lewis 47 she made me do it because she's uh the fuck I had never even seen his profile dude his face his face is a fucking uh the the thing the fucking the mask whatever they do the filter I don't know that's a filter looks like a weasel it's a filter let me stop while let's go and I'm renan 31 this motherfucker talk with these model pictures what if a dude took those pictures the dude is the photographer too yeah oh let's see all right here we go my name is I'm 32 I enjoy going to the gym hiking fishing and taking road trips I'm not looking for quantity I'm looking for quality big ass he's looking for that BBL big booty BDL BBL sounds like Brazilian butler BBL sounds like Chad GPT yeah I'm looking for uh quality a type vagina okay alright I don't like wasting my time with superficial people bitch superficial did you see the fucking pictures you can I was just about to say I'm like but sir your pictures say otherwise you fucking turd what if he's a listener all right every amad first time calling a long time listen I'm not here to boost anyone's ego except for your own yeah look at these pictures uh la la la la I'm looking for I already said that I'm not here to boost anyone's ego if that's what you're looking for I suggest talking to the boys wait what is that what he said the boys I start this over with no echo I'm not here to boost anyone's ego if that's what you are looking for I'd suggest talking to the boys I'm a man oh I get it okay I feel like he just became a man maybe I speak Portuguese Spanish learning English next I'm calling ice that's the first thing I thought of oh my god see you later Ramanan we're not calling ice do do do do do speaking hi yes I'd like to report an illegal alien name Ramnanan you can't even report him you can't say his name yeah it's probably English I mean he'd be speaking American you think he just did oh my god dude I think you replied oh he replied to your photo and put a fucking uh a heart hand emoji uh he went like this yeah he did the he did the heart hand each side Roger34 Thursday at 714 a.m August 25th 2025 that's a long time ago that he took that picture that oh that he took the picture that dude could have got fat as fuck in the year fuck yeah he could have focused driven and built into my empire lawyer family first and unapologetic sapiosexual this also what the fuck does that mean do this again because maybe I'm retarded uh work oriented family first and unapologetically sapiosex can you google that sapio sexual have my phone oh that's right look at this sapiose can you look this up no I can't no uh you had the phone dick in all right let's see what sapiosexual is uh I need a little producer person to fucking type for me this would have been already up you know what we need to get one of the kids to be an intern. Yeah so they can practice um any any uh listeners out there that would like to be an intern over 18 or 21 whatever the rule is I spit a piece of meat on my fucking mic from the age of 18 yeah in case you hear bad things okay so I mean if you're a longtime listener you've definitely been hearing bad things. Yeah so a sapio a sapiosexual refers to a person who finds high intelligence oh what a fucking loser ah what a turd don't try to be too super intelligent find who finds uh highly high intelligence or the human mind to be the main driver of sexual attraction he's such a fucking piece of shit bullshitter does that mean that he's full of shit so will he be attracted to anyone and anything as long as they're fucking as long as he loves their mind. So if it's a 300 pound bitch with fucking super bush but I'm thinking like does that and pancake nipples he's not gonna care. No but does that also mean that he's attracted to to men key aspects of the kind of thing include prioritizing intellect over physical looks requiring deep conversation for romantic interest.
SPEAKER_03You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02First of all the guys listen dude you're full of shit with this bullshit try trying to fight to to make yourself more fucking uh the fucking intelligent and more like mysterious yeah I'm like uh oh hold on so he's a sapiosexual good for him goes anyway okay let's go I believe in old relations old school relationships where a woman is my second self okay okay okay she understands me supports me and we grow together she likes pride in her role what's your role bitch cleaning dishes motherfucker well if it's if he said that it's old school right yeah that's what he's saying you better fucking have that house clean motherfucker nope you're quitting your fucking job yo'fucking Roger you're quitting your job is Roger paying all the bills yeah because he just said he's building an empire oh he better pay well that's what he said and he's sapiosexual so you better start reading books motherfucker I mean I I read books but yeah but like you need to be very super smart well apparently not because if you guys are you guys are having sex like spell amphibious he say tell me what you read today yeah let's talk about what tell me about the earth's magnetic pool and then pull on these nuts oh my god get out of my face get out of my face Roger Roger Roger get out of my face okay go sleep in go sleep in your own room Roger so we can grow together this is why people have separate rooms of mine out for a long relationship and done with wasting time genuine connection shared purpose you fucking suck dude he's a turd next oh he's got a high school diploma I can't talk shit I got one of those too this is oh he's from a smelly state too but this is why he's still single yeah you have high expectations but you can't meet them and he's gonna he's got a filter on too because you could see where there's no blemishes then all of a sudden there's a blemish but he's just this is they make a filter out of me yo this is like this new idea that men have that like I gotta be I gotta be uh a sensitive a sensitive no no because that's not the that's not what he's giving he's not giving what's he giving you he's giving like this alpha male like a woman has her place and true true like that's right that's you better be fucking the house better be clean and you better read an encyclopedia while we're fucking he's like I'm I'm the one that leads I'm the you have no no voice like nah go away so this one uh did I hit like no you better not shut off this one uh athletic hardworking great dad he's probably the most normal one he's like fuck it why does he have the same name as the other one that you were reading Emilio Jim31 I'm gonna delete that one oh let's see this one I gotta see his watch oh my god that's the only reason let me see his fucking watch didn't even bother to read the profile it was he got him Victor you fucking cheap motherfucker how about this don't go to a fucking fancy restaurant buy a better watch oh Jesus stupid ass oh my god your fucking bitch ass watch George34 Massachusetts what Massachusetts Massachusetts Massachusetts I mean I was born there but Massachusetts dude these fucking things suck oh this fucking dude get brutal you know that means that's fucking ugly in Italian holy shit dude that's ugly all right Tommy uh no that's a fucking ugly dude right now so we were at uh speaking of ugly motherfuckers we went to um Hawk's Landing okay this Southernton fucking uh golf course okay and then uh it was it's something I think it's called fucking I don't know what it what it's called but it's um a bar with a patio so we went then to have like a little uh singer or live music yep so we're watching uh the live music we're the guy's probably about 40 feet away we're in the back of the fucking patio area and these this is the first time I've seen I don't judge dudes I'm not gay but I could save you know ugly or not yeah yeah there's five of them that were and Steph sends me a pic sends me a text like she's sitting right next to me they're kind of like five ten feet away yeah she's like I can't see this because all these motherfuckers are so ugly as I look over I was like damn every one of these motherfuckers is ugly usually have like one or two all of them dude I was so close to taking a fucking picture I was like listen I'll give you my services I will help you all right let's read Rio 34 you know what's crazy that there's a lot there's a lot of men out there that they they don't look like they're handsome and then they just go to the right barber. Yeah and they fix it and then boom this guy didn't do that he's definitely got a security that's a security jacket you know like he does it looks like it yeah it looks like it chunk that's all I love you can you cut the shit is somebody here no he's just barking at his fucking toys no but is somebody here knocks my uh because I swear I just heard someone talking like in the headphones. That was me.
SPEAKER_07No before you were talking like not nobody's here.
SPEAKER_02No you uh alerts when it went off yeah but
SPEAKER_07But you were speaking and there was there was another voice speaking.
SPEAKER_02Hmm. What did it say?
SPEAKER_07I don't know. But that's why I thought that he was barking because I thought someone was here upstairs.
SPEAKER_02See? See what you did.
SPEAKER_07You're the one that said you were talking about it.
SPEAKER_02We gotta play it back to see if we hear anything. 109.
SPEAKER_07Okay. So I was like.
SPEAKER_02That's him walking up the stairs now.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02See what you do? That's it. It'll last a fucking time. Oh look, I was right. I was right. Security guard.
SPEAKER_03See?
SPEAKER_02See?
SPEAKER_07Good job.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you're welcome. Which is nothing wrong with that. He could be a retired police officer.
SPEAKER_07Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02But he's 34, so probably not.
SPEAKER_07Probably not. Probably not.
SPEAKER_02But uh if you have uh security like gear on, I wouldn't give that face like, look what you're getting, bitch. This is me.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. You know what I mean? You're giving those fucking like Sup, girl. You know you want this. He's g he's do you do you think he's giving bedroom eyes? Yeah, like is that what you call it? Like, I'll smash you, girl. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that dude's fucking anyway. Okay, let's go and see what he has to say. Let's stop talking about trying to have a genuine conversation or genual connection, and let's talk about okay. Use a fucking commercial period, dude. They don't. Okay, I'm just gonna read this if I can. Okay, okay. I'm taking off the echo, he doesn't deserve it. Oh my god. Let's stop talking about trying to have genuine conversation or genuine connection and let's talk about when can we meet and talk on the phone and see where things see how things go. I'm trying to make movies. Moves.
SPEAKER_07If he put movies in, everybody would be like, nope, nope, nope.
SPEAKER_02He didn't use one comma or fucking no punctuation. Um I don't know about y'all, but if we match, let's write each other and see where things go, let's exchange numbers, let's plan a date, all that.
SPEAKER_07See, all right.
SPEAKER_02So I don't know From another smelly state.
SPEAKER_07I don't know how other women feel. Um, and I don't I'm sure you don't have a ton of women listeners, but men to your male listeners, to your male audience.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_07I as a as a female as a non-penis mom, I have a very strict boundary that I will not give my phone number out to somebody.
SPEAKER_02Fuck no, dude. Like yeah, yeah, the Google phone.
SPEAKER_07Well, no, no, no, no. Like I will not give you my phone number until I have met you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, you're not doing person.
SPEAKER_07Yep. I go through the app. I have to meet you in person. I have to feel comfortable, trust you, know that I that you're not gonna kill me. Yeah, of course. Yeah, um, or anything else.
SPEAKER_02Stay with the app.
SPEAKER_07Right. And until I'm comfortable enough with you, then I'm gonna give you my phone number.
SPEAKER_02Because then we could check IP addresses when you end up missing.
SPEAKER_07You know what I mean? And and um, yeah, and if you keep asking me for my phone number, it's gonna be a no. And if I tell you no, then you're like, oh, but like, but why? And I'm telling you my boundaries. Yeah, and then that's it, it's over.
SPEAKER_02Stop asking. Yeah, oh shit. Oh, Danny's got more pictures in his mom's basement with a fucking bulletproof vest on and his gun hanging out. No, listen, unless you're I have authority to do that and I don't do that. You'll never see one of these pictures of me.
SPEAKER_07No, because I'm yo, do you know? Let me tell you. Do you know how many of your brothers in blue post themselves?
SPEAKER_02All the time. I'm like, dude, don't post that shit. Don't post it. I think I might have posted like if I was in uh like a news clip. I'm like, hey, look, I'm famous. Yeah, but that's like a private account.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Hey, look at me. Oh no, they post themselves on things like this.
SPEAKER_02Or like, I made the news, and you just see me like it's not like I'm tactical. Yeah. See, look, I was on TV.
SPEAKER_07Brothers in blue will post themselves. Yeah, what's the the brothers in red?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. They love to post the blue. Look at this dude just fucking. See, he's in a basement. Mm-hmm. And it is that a dead body?
unknownOh god.
SPEAKER_07Not a dead body. Yo. Stop. Stop.
SPEAKER_02Tell me what that looks like.
SPEAKER_07A deer's leg. Hurry, pee-pee.
SPEAKER_02That's a big ass pee pee.
SPEAKER_07I don't know. What the fuck is that? It looks like a deer's leg.
SPEAKER_02That's not a deer's leg.
SPEAKER_07It could be a deer's leg because if it's in the basement, those could be a dead one. That looks like a heel.
SPEAKER_02That looks like a heel. No, it does not. Yes, it does. It doesn't. That looks like a heel. Oh, dude.
SPEAKER_03That's not a dead body.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it is.
SPEAKER_04That's not.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god, we found a dead body.
SPEAKER_07That is a deer.
SPEAKER_02That's an ankle. That's a calf. I bet you it's probably his kids. He said he has kids. So his kids probably just fucking playing on the floor.
SPEAKER_07Where do you see a deer?
SPEAKER_02And then you see like right there. You got an ankle, you got the back of the foot, a sock, a little calf, and that's probably like a little dress or something.
SPEAKER_08What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_02You're not a fucking trained professional like me. I'm a trained observer. Okay, I observe these things. See that shit?
SPEAKER_07Oh, okay. Now that I have it in my hand, that is.
SPEAKER_02What the fuck did you think I was looking at?
SPEAKER_07It looks okay. What I'm seeing is this over here.
SPEAKER_02And it looks fucking pervert. That looks nothing like a penis. That's a nasty penis.
SPEAKER_07It looks like yeah, it looks like a written one.
SPEAKER_02It looks like it's been abused.
SPEAKER_07But it looked by anus like this from here. It looks like a deer. It looks like the leg of a deer.
SPEAKER_02Maybe a Puerto Rican deer, motherfucker. She ain't no murk in the book. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_07It looks like that's a hoof.
SPEAKER_02A hoof.
SPEAKER_07Whatever.
SPEAKER_02Don't say that shit in Spanish. The hoof is on fire, motherfucker.
SPEAKER_07No, but now that I'm looking at it like up close or whatever. Yeah, that's the back.
SPEAKER_02So he's in a dirty basement with a dead body.
SPEAKER_07That's somebody's posing like policia. Somebody's foot.
SPEAKER_02He's he's posing like policia.
SPEAKER_07I don't think that's a basement. That's that's a basement. Maybe an attic.
SPEAKER_02That's a no fucking. It's a drop ceiling.
SPEAKER_07But that right here, slanted. That side over there, slanted. You see that one? Yeah, see that. Drops like that. Not us investigating his picture. We're analyzing it.
SPEAKER_02Dude, fuck that. He's like, yeah, let's go to my attic. My mom's sleeping. My roommates are sleeping.
SPEAKER_07We're gonna have to message him and just be like, um, where was this picture taken?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, is that at that body? Real 34. I don't want to say he's from, but bro. Um, is there a body in your picture? Food jersey. Food jersey, food jersey 5'7.
SPEAKER_07We're gonna have to yo look at his uh uh at his uh um uniform. Look at his uniform and see if there's uh bloodstain? No, if there's a name, a company.
SPEAKER_02Well, he said he said the company. I don't want to say the company. He said the company that dude's got he's got a fucking vest on with a gun hanging out, no patches whatsoever, and his hat's dirty.
SPEAKER_07We're gonna have to call that company.
SPEAKER_02Let's see what else we got. Damn, he's got dude. He loves his fucking vest. Damn. Oh, he got muscles and shit. Yo, when you hit the gym every day, you look like me. Man, shut up.
SPEAKER_07Is that what he put out as his caption? No. Like a picture.
unknownPlease.
SPEAKER_02Alright, I'm gonna hit heart.
SPEAKER_07X.
SPEAKER_02Y'all we're gonna read like one or two more and then.
SPEAKER_07Did you hit heart?
SPEAKER_02No, I hit X.
SPEAKER_07I I fucking saw your your thumb.
SPEAKER_02I swear I think I hit X.
SPEAKER_07I can see on the other side. I will go to my matches and I swear.
SPEAKER_02No. Oh, this guy. No, he's funny. What's up with all these? Do you put like a fucking like a limit to how far these motherfuckers are?
SPEAKER_07No, because the further away the better. If we're being honest.
SPEAKER_02This guy's gay. This one's dumb. He's got uh an ab picture.
SPEAKER_07An ad?
SPEAKER_02Ab.
SPEAKER_07Oh. No, because that just lets you know what they're looking for. No. I didn't even look.
SPEAKER_02Alright, see the next. Hell. Like a Nate 38 years old fucking turd. Let's see. Come on, Nate.
SPEAKER_06Not laughing at him.
SPEAKER_02Girls are drugs. Oh, come on, dude. You can't be wearing a shit. Your legs are okay with it. He's got good hips though, I'll tell you that. I can't even childbearing hips.
SPEAKER_07Oh, is he gonna be the one having the baby? Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02His fallopian tubes are still there. Alright, well, good for him. He's very um Let's see what he's got in the background. He's got no he's got a No dead bodies.
SPEAKER_07No, but that's now gonna be a uh a must.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no dead bodies. Let me see. He's is that a bed? That's a regular bed. Top of it so it looks like in his room he's got you know like the um like the surround sound set up for his TV. So he probably lives at home with somebody. You know what I mean? Or because why are you gonna have that in your bedroom? You don't need that shit in your bedroom. I don't have it in my bedroom. Or he just hangs out with it. I got a TV that I huh?
SPEAKER_07Or he just hangs out in his bedroom.
SPEAKER_02Nah, he lives with somebody. Alright, let's talk about this guy. Alright, here we go. We're gonna see if we liked him. Okay, there we go. Just trying to connect with someone. God fearing and caring individual. I have a special needs cham it. Well, that just goes to show you the semen is really tainted, dude.
SPEAKER_07But that also goes to show you that maybe that's why he has it in his room and not out of the bedroom.
SPEAKER_02Imagine you're sitting there chilling, the kid goes crazy. Oh, fuck that. Ah, see, I feel bad for this guy. Delete. All right, one more. Oh, white guy. Whoa!
SPEAKER_04What? What are we looking for?
SPEAKER_02You'll see it.
SPEAKER_04Oh god.
SPEAKER_02Location. Oh good. That's a like. Come on, we have to do it. And I'll give you a work advanced.
SPEAKER_07No, keep looking. Keep looking. Like what other people are. I gotta see the rest of the pictures. Thank you. Don't just go by location. I literally said the further the line.
SPEAKER_02You know the first white guy you said no? Really? Really? Fucking racist.
SPEAKER_06What did I said?
SPEAKER_02What did I say?
SPEAKER_10What did I say to you?
SPEAKER_02Don't be speaking Spanish, motherfucker.
SPEAKER_07Damn it.
SPEAKER_02Raymond. Who is that? Ramon.
SPEAKER_07I don't know.
SPEAKER_02This would be the last one.
SPEAKER_07Wait, what happened? I didn't tell you no. I didn't say no to the goddess.
SPEAKER_02I deleted it.
SPEAKER_07No, but I didn't say that.
SPEAKER_02Too late now. Yes, you did. You said God no.
SPEAKER_07No, that's not what I said.
SPEAKER_02I deleted it already.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_07But that's not what I did. Oh my God. You don't listen. This is the problem with men. She's a racist. Okay, first of all, I had said look at the rest. First of all.
unknownShe hates pipe.
SPEAKER_07I literally told you that I went on a date.
SPEAKER_02He wasn't even, he was Filipino. Hey, he didn't look Filipino at all. When you saw him, did he look Filipino? His eyeballs and shit?
SPEAKER_07No. I actually actually had like I asked him. Like we had a conversation.
SPEAKER_02Because sometimes they'll look, they'll have that look.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. No. Oh wow. No, we had a conversation about it.
SPEAKER_02An exotic look.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. I'm gonna look exotic.
SPEAKER_02I might have surgery to have Filipino eyes done.
SPEAKER_07He was like five, eleven.
SPEAKER_02Damn. He was tall. You think the PP matches the height?
SPEAKER_07I don't know. But you want me to ask him?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, text him.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god. Text him. No.
SPEAKER_02No, well my boy, he wants to know if your penis matches the height. Send a pick quick.
SPEAKER_07No. Because he's he's 28, he probably would.
SPEAKER_02Because I so I know a very I know a tall person, and uh the wife said the penis didn't match the height.
SPEAKER_07He was really tall.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
unknownProbably.
SPEAKER_02Because I think there's an average. There's an average penis size, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Probably.
SPEAKER_02So I believe that. Like 90% average. And then the big ones, they get film contracts. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_07You see what I'm saying? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's funny. Let me see that one. Ramon. Okay. Raymond. Is that Raymond? Ramon?
SPEAKER_07Ramon.
SPEAKER_02Ramon.
SPEAKER_07Ramon.
SPEAKER_02Ramon?
SPEAKER_07Ramon.
SPEAKER_02Somewhat intellectual. Okay, hold on.
SPEAKER_07I thought you said somewhat intellectual.
SPEAKER_02Ramon.
SPEAKER_10Junorc.
SPEAKER_07Okay. No, I know what you were trying to say. Junorc.
SPEAKER_02Trying to speak Spanish.
SPEAKER_07Is he is he saying that he's from New New York? Espacito. Despacito. What did I say? What does that mean? Slowly.
SPEAKER_02Espacito. Okay. Someone. What? What the fuck is wrong with these fucking people? Someone intentional.
SPEAKER_07Okay, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02How? What does it make sense of? I'm must be fucking retarded. Someone intentional?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, like somebody who's intentionally dating, like they're doing things on purpose. Not just how you're playing games.
SPEAKER_02You don't know how to speak English.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_02Someone intentional.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Thoughtful. Self-aware. Empathetic. Consistent. Are there shares physical touch quality time as one of their main love languages?
SPEAKER_07Are there commas in between all these words?
unknownNope.
SPEAKER_02Well, a little bit of them. A little bit.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_02There's a couple, but.
SPEAKER_07Alright.
SPEAKER_02See, they try to get all these fucking keywords and all these fucking buzzwords.
SPEAKER_07Buzzwords like consistent. Someone read, someone read love languages, the five love languages. Things to say. No, it's called the five love languages. Oh. Because everyone has their language. Everybody says their shit. Yeah. And that's what he's using.
SPEAKER_02Oh, good. Good.
SPEAKER_07That's he's using the buzzwords. Buzzwords.
SPEAKER_02I would say like fun things.
SPEAKER_07Like, I feel like you're supposed to just be genuine.
SPEAKER_02Just be normal. And then you get normal shit.
SPEAKER_07You know, you would think.
SPEAKER_02You get normal shit. Allegedly. I mean, I'd have so many inboxes, they'd probably start.
SPEAKER_07Let me see something. Let me see something.
SPEAKER_02They probably charge me.
SPEAKER_07Hold on.
SPEAKER_02Is this free?
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Hold on. Let me see something.
SPEAKER_02Foreskin. Ingrolled hairs. Wizard sleeve.
SPEAKER_04What the fuck are you doing? Hold on. What the fuck are you looking at? Hold on.
SPEAKER_02Well, we're gonna take a commercial break. This is brought to you by uh Foreskins. This is brought to you by GLP One.
SPEAKER_07Okay, no. Okay, no, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02This is brought to you by Global.
SPEAKER_07No, I was okay. Cause uh I'm gonna show you.
SPEAKER_02The dating service. Okay, let's see this show.
SPEAKER_07That's the most awkward laugh. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_07No, because I'm gonna have you read my profile. Oh I'm gonna do it. Which is like a combination of what I had written before. Like some of my and it's normal. It's normal. Okay. I feel that it's normal.
SPEAKER_02I'll read it.
SPEAKER_07Oh god.
SPEAKER_02Jesus, how much me not giving a fuck? She wrote a book.
SPEAKER_07It's not a book.
unknownGod.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_07All right. You said it. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Alexa.
SPEAKER_07Oh God.
SPEAKER_0230 something.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's just what the fuck is on your neck? Oh, I see it. Never mind.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02I didn't know. I thought it was okay. I get it. I know where it is now. That wasn't the old place.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I see now.
SPEAKER_03What?
SPEAKER_02A lot of people die while you were doing this. I keep calling. I keep calling over his answer. Joke. No, I'll be right back, guys.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_02Mindful and at times quiet until I'm comfortable. I love to travel.
SPEAKER_03I do.
SPEAKER_02Listen to music. Do watch a good watch a good movie.
SPEAKER_03Are there commas?
SPEAKER_02And watch a good movie.
SPEAKER_03Are there commas?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. All right. I like to get off. Not a day off. I might spend the day at the beach. Go to a concert. Sit at home and just enjoy myself quietly during the day. Host game night. Be at a softball game. It truly depends on my company. And weather. And the weather. How what? Damn, dog. You need to learn to read. I know. Truly depends on my company and the weather. How the how a day off might go.
SPEAKER_03There you go.
SPEAKER_02Lately I've been trying to learn myself.
SPEAKER_03Nope. That's not what it says.
SPEAKER_02How to do home improvements on my own.
SPEAKER_03There you go.
SPEAKER_02So far I've learned that I need a lot of equipment. And batteries. You gotta get the solar. I didn't write this shit. You fucking wrote it. Just leave it on the night. You fucking wrote it. With all your shit charging, probably looks like a fucking New York City skyline with all the blinking lights and shit. Fucking skyline. Fucking shit. Okay, well, okay, let's go back. Lately I've been trying to learn how to do home improvements. I've also learned that I need a lot of equipment. True. More than three inches.
SPEAKER_03So stupid.
SPEAKER_02What the f hold on, what the fuck did you? I've learned I need a lot of equipment. More hands the better.
SPEAKER_03Turn it up.
SPEAKER_02Over three inches.
SPEAKER_03That's an hour.
SPEAKER_02Alright, I'll read what you really wrote. So far, I've learned I need a lot of equipment. More hands and about three inches in height.
SPEAKER_03That's it? Yep.
SPEAKER_02Alright.
SPEAKER_03That's what I wrote.
unknownThat sucks.
SPEAKER_02See, you know where you're getting all these, you know, very pretty pictures. But you know where you're getting these from? You know where you're getting a lot of fucking things? He's like, oh, I see where this bitch is going, you know, a lot of equipment, more than three inches. More than one hand. Dude, you gotta fucking reset this. That's what I've read. Alright, good for you. Located in about five.
SPEAKER_07What?
SPEAKER_02I'm just I didn't want to see your your real uh height. 5'4. That's fine.
SPEAKER_07I am.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_07But they're gonna find me.
SPEAKER_02That's true. Uh has kids. I met them there. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Pinya.
SPEAKER_07Oh pain the ass. Depends on the day and the weather.
SPEAKER_02As soon as they're out of your house, you're gonna be so upset.
SPEAKER_07I know.
SPEAKER_02One of them.
SPEAKER_07I know. I was already crying.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_07I hug her and she gets annoyed.
SPEAKER_02Is she going far?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_07Not even.
SPEAKER_02Like, not even. Time distance. An hour.
SPEAKER_07No.
SPEAKER_02Is she staying on campus? Yeah. That's good. Get the campus life.
SPEAKER_07Yep, that's what I'm saying. Like, get out of my house. Yeah. But like not too far.
SPEAKER_02Good. Good.
SPEAKER_07But don't come home all the time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, don't do that. But like So your other one, so now it's just you and your other one. Yeah. Just gonna be staring at each other. I don't know what to say.
SPEAKER_07Well, she already don't come downstairs. Like she avoids everybody.
SPEAKER_02So it's gonna be like you're living alone, empty nesting.
SPEAKER_07Swear to God.
SPEAKER_02And then out of nowhere, this little mudgkin's gonna come out of hey, you live here? Yeah, I'm upstairs. I've been upstairs for 14 days. Grab food. Yeah. Grab her plate and go upstairs.
SPEAKER_07I got the laundry.
SPEAKER_02Wasn't she the one who ate some bad food and got sick?
SPEAKER_07No, that's the one that doesn't eat, so she gets sick.
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_07We just ended up in the hospital now, like this past weekend.
SPEAKER_02Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_07Same shit.
SPEAKER_02Damn, dude.
SPEAKER_07Pissing me off.
SPEAKER_02Is that the little?
SPEAKER_07Yep. Yep.
SPEAKER_02Why doesn't she eat? She just doesn't want to eat or she's just doesn't she's a fucking pain in my ass.
SPEAKER_07Ask why.
unknownDamn it.
SPEAKER_02Now you're stuck, just you two. Who do you think is gonna kill who?
SPEAKER_07She's gonna kill me.
SPEAKER_02You think so? I think so.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack and and an aneurysm at the same time.
SPEAKER_02Do you think she'll call medics right away or she'll wait till like no?
SPEAKER_07Because she won't fucking notice it. Oh, you see how many.
SPEAKER_02Your other daughters, your other daughters gonna be like, hey, you talk to mom? Nah.
SPEAKER_07Where is she?
SPEAKER_02Oh no. I've been getting I've been using her card for DoorDash, so I haven't seen her.
SPEAKER_07She's gonna be like, well, Life 360 says she's home. Like, huh?
SPEAKER_02She has so she hasn't moved at all. Nah, I think she'd been working a lot of overtime.
SPEAKER_07Oh, wait, her car's here. Meanwhile, you're fucking dead in the bloated. So yo, they oh my god. I have worked. I have worked like two days like in a row where I'm working 16s, and I don't have time to like do anything. So I come, I go home, I sleep, shower, go back to work, but whatever. And I'll come home after those 36 hours or whatever, like exhausted, tired, dead, yeah, beaten by the world. And when I have a moment, I'm like, no one's taking out the trash.
SPEAKER_02Oh, dang.
SPEAKER_07The sink is full.
SPEAKER_02You start yelling in Spanish.
SPEAKER_07Oh Spanish, English, whatever comes out, spanglish, whatever. And I'm just like, how do you guys not smell?
SPEAKER_02The shit.
SPEAKER_07That's the dying carcass.
SPEAKER_02Yes, the fucking rotten fucking food that's been sitting in the goddamn thing.
unknownHow?
SPEAKER_07They just don't. They just they walk by the garbage. They don't care.
SPEAKER_02They're like, fuck it. I don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_07I'm like, how y'all don't notice this?
SPEAKER_02Uh well, I think uh it was a decent show. It was the the dating show.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. Yeah. This chair was comfortable. It was comfortable. Leave it there.
SPEAKER_02Leave it there. We should put your, I'm gonna put your name on it.
SPEAKER_07You should.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna put a fucking piece of tape. I should.
SPEAKER_07And right now.
SPEAKER_02Well, have fun with your dating app.
SPEAKER_07Oh god.
SPEAKER_02Um are we gonna have a uh special guest next week, maybe?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna talk to them. See if uh they wanna come through.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Yeah, come through.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god, she's gonna give you so much tea. Oh lord.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, she she knows everything about me.
SPEAKER_02Good.
SPEAKER_07Everything. Good. Oh god.
SPEAKER_02You should give me your number so I can text her quick. I gotta get I gotta get the info to find out what she likes to talk about.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_02It's gonna morgue be like, yo, send me a bio on fucking Alexa. ASAP. I want to know everything there is to know.
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_02Alright, we're out of here. Peace out. Bye. Later.