Ep. 68: From Chaos to Calm — 5 Quick Classroom De-Escalation Strategies

Every teacher knows those days when everything seems to erupt at once. In this episode, Audra and Caitlin share five quick, practical de-escalation strategies that help you shift from chaos to calm—without losing your sanity or your sense of humor. From using proactive visuals to setting the emotional “temperature” of the room, these are tools you can use right away in any classroom or therapy setting.

🔑 Key Takeaways
• Prevention is your protection: Plan ahead with visuals, pre-corrections, and clear expectations to reduce triggers before they start.
• Your calm = their calm: Be the thermostat, not the thermometer—your energy sets the tone. Use a calm voice, slow pacing, and neutral body language.
• Give space and choices: Two choices = one win. Allow time and space for students to regulate and make a decision before stepping back in.
• Delay, don’t deny: Instead of “no,” try “yes, later” or “no, but you can…” to reduce confrontation and maintain relationships.
• Practice before the fire: Role-play refusals and problem moments before they happen to help students (and staff!) respond with calm and confidence.

📦 Resources & Links
• Free De-Escalation Strategy Visual → https://abainschool.com/deescalate
• Related Episode: Ep. 57 The Crisis Cycle → https://abainschool.com/ep57
• Related Episode: Ep. 6 6 Ways to Approach Challenging Behaviors and Trauma-Informed Care → https://abainschool.com/ep6

🤝 Join Us
💬 Share your favorite classroom de-escalation strategies in the Misfit Behaviorists Facebook Group → https://abainschool.com/misfits
🎧 Subscribe on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform → https://www.youtube.com/@themisfitbehaviorists
📢 Tag us when you try one of these tips in your classroom—we love hearing what works for you!

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• Caitlin | Beltran’s Behavior Basics
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Transcript

Ep. 68: From Chaos to Calm — 5 Quick Classroom De-Escalation Strategies

[00:00:00] Intro: Welcome to the Misfit Behaviorist Podcast. Join your hosts, Audra Jensen and Caitlin Beltran, here to bring you evidence-based strategies with a student-centered focus. Let's get started.

[00:00:12] Audra: Hey, welcome back to the Misfit Behaviorist. We are here with Happy Caitlin, who just got back from Disneyland woo hoo. She has all the happiness in the world this week.

[00:00:23] Caitlin: Disney World. It took a lot outta me, but yeah, I got a few percent left.

[00:00:26] Audra: So today I wanted to talk about five really easy deescalation tips for us as educators in the classroom, kind of going from a chaos environment to a calm environment. So five really quick, easy things to do. I thought of this because I was reminded of something this week. I thought thinking about a classroom I taught many years ago, it was an autism classroom. What it was, was an elementary school, and I had the entire K through fifth grade kids. Most of them had autism spectrum disorder diagnoses. I had a couple that didn't. And it was an all inclusive, so I had everybody, I had a couple of kids who were there full-time, and I had a couple kids who were in classrooms full-time. And then I had a hybrid kids and it was from K to fifth. It was a small enough district, a small enough school that I had everything and everybody, and I just remember feeling so overwhelmed. I remember this one day that I had kindergarten and first graders that were coming in and out with their paras, I had some of my older kids who were more behavior kids, I had one kid who had autism and diabetes, and I hadn't realized that his blood sugar had dropped, and so he was exhibiting huge behaviors that were unlike him. But it wasn't until after the big blow up that we went and checked his blood sugar, which we should have done earlier, and we saw that that was contributing to what was going on. I just remember walking out that day, just everything was blowing up and feeling like I just have no control over anything, and how am I ever going to be able to do that?

[00:01:53] More than anything I felt really bad about myself in not knowing what to do in the moment of some of the little fires that were going on. And so I don't know, that came to me and I'm like, you know, I've learned a lot since then. I think I would do a lot better today in just picking the little fires to deal with at the time 'cause I kept trying to step back and worry about everything and trying to be the octopus and take care of everything at once and I really needed trust my paras.

[00:02:19] Yeah. To run perfectly and to be able to give myself grace that this is just one of those days. Yep. And this isn't one of them, but I should have made this, I needed to have reduced the expectations of myself. Mm-hmm. And the paras and the students in a day like that. And I didn't do that. I continued to hold the same expectations and thinking everything should run smoothly. And if we just followed the plan, then everything was gonna be great. And it just wasn't. So it was just one of those days, and I think I learned a lot just from even that one day of that grace that we need, right? And so I thought of these five quick, easy things that help me now, many years later, keep that control over chaos situation.

[00:02:57] So the first one I thought of was to stay one step ahead. Prevention is your protection in thinking ahead of time. Now we can't always do that, but if you can, using your visual schedules, having those clear expectations, using those pre correcting techniques that we've talked about. Anything that you can do beforehand to set things up, for things to run smoothly in the moment. Because if you prep before a trigger happens, you're gonna cut away half the battle right there. Things like before we leave the classroom, let's remember we're gonna have walking feet and blah, blah, blah and all this stuff, uhhuh before we get into a situation because the stress comes from that damage control that we have to do.

[00:03:39] Caitlin: And I think like we talk about that so often, pre correction, catch them being good, that kind of stuff, and not to sound like a broken record, hey, everyone should do these things. Like we know that, but it's more about in that moment. Because it's one of those days for us, if we've been doing that enough times, it's like second nature. It's like me, you know, rote muscle memory. We're just gonna blurt it out before we leave the classroom. And that's when you see the payoff of that, because then you can start getting ahead of the next little fire erupting rather than just like words to live by.

[00:04:12] Audra: That's actually a perfect lead in to my tip number two. So the first one was prevention is your protection. Number two would be your calm equals their calm. And so, you should be a thermostat and not a thermometer, meaning that you're gonna set the temperature in the room. Use your mirror techniques and because as you mirror them and they mirror you, you're gonna find this energy that comes between the two of you, your groups and you. And I'm telling you we're in crisis, you feel that inside, but even if you need to step out for a minute, if there's a crisis going on, somebody else tap out. Just take a breath, go get a coffee or something, take five minutes because you are coming into a situation, that energy that you're producing, they're gonna feed off of. And so your calm is going to be their calm in a situation.

[00:05:01] Caitlin: That's so funny. I was just thinking of relating it to like us as adults, like if you're in a contentious meeting or like a meeting with your supervisor, like their tone is gonna, you're gonna read that even if you're not consciously thinking of it. Like, is this so okay? Is this okay? And literally like on my flight back, like I'm a nervous flyer, who wasn't, if you're not, I'd love to talk to you. What are your secrets? The whole time someone had told me, always look at the flight attendant because if they're not panicking, like why would you. So every little bump, look at them and in my mind, like that's it. Like we're hitting thought, like something we're going down and the guy's just like pouring the drink, like nothing happened. And I'm like, okay, he's calm, I'm calm. Like we just look for those little cues.

[00:05:37] Audra: That is really brilliant. I think that is a perfect example of how we do it in life too. You know, you get into an argument with a spouse or a partner or best friend or something. If they're chill and just having a conversation it brings your own energy down. Have that as a teacher in a classroom, use that lower voice, you slow your pace, a neutral face, you know, those, those things are your instant de escalators.

[00:06:01] Caitlin: And if it doesn't work in five seconds, keep doing it. They're gonna come down eventually.

[00:06:06] Audra: Yes. Perfect. Just give it a minute to work. Tip number three, I would say is to give space and those simple choices. Two choices equal one win, just give a little bit of space, a little bit of time, a little non-verbal deescalation, don't corner or confront an already escalated situation. You're just gonna offer those simple structured options, options that you agree to, choose one or the other, but keeping that space, I think our paras who maybe don't come in with a lot of experience, want to keep talking, keep at something. Mm-hmm. If they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing, they wanna keep doing it. Sometimes our students who have these behaviors just need a little space to process to decide what decision they're gonna make. As long as you have that clear expectation, you know that consequences are clear. Give them a minute to decide what they wanna do and give that space. And it just goes back to your own calm as well. You know, those two tips kind of fit into each other.

[00:07:06] Then tip number four, I would say delay, but don't deny so as often as possible to avoid saying no, use the other things that we've talked about, saying yes later, or no, but you can, so you're stopping that immediate confrontational, you know, they wanna do something and you say, no, you can't do that. You're immediately hitting this face-to-face confrontational. Maybe you say something like, you know, I hear that you want the iPad, but first we need to finish this, and then you get the iPad. So first, later. First, then yes later. Or the other one, like, I know we can't go outside right now, but we can get out the Play-Doh so a no but we can, so anything you can do, that no into a yes but or a yes later. I think that kind of reduces those power struggles and keeps those relationships intact, I think is really important.

[00:07:55] Caitlin: And I think it does help a lot with relationship building because sometimes, even if we don't mean it to be, if the child, the example is asking to go outside and it's raining, and if you say no, it's raining and we're not meaning to be like aggressive or harsh, but it is confrontational if you think about it because that student may not understand like, of course we can't go outside 'cause it's pouring. You know? Like they just are mustering the courage to ask to go outside and you're just like, no. It's very like, oh, that's it. You denied me. And of course they need to learn no and boundaries, but just having that compassionate approach like, no, but we can do this.

[00:08:28] Audra: And I think a follow up on that is something we've talked about. Really decide if you have to say no. I mean, some things they wanna do that it's okay to say yes even if you wouldn't normally, there's a lot of talk about shoes off or something, but maybe you have a student who that's really important to them and you need to make an exception. You're like, you know, fine, take your shoes off. You know, do you really wanna fight that battle? Decide what battles you wanna fight. There's some things, okay, so they wanna sit in that chair. People normally don't sit in that chair, let 'em sit in the chair. What does it matter? So really decide what battle you wanna fight.

[00:08:56] The last tip is to practice before the fire happens. So train that calm, stay calm. So role play refusals. You know, have a moment when your teaching with students to practice when they're told no. Or to do a role reversal where you pretend you are the student and they're the teacher. So you're gonna act a certain way and have them respond. And so practice these different things with them. You be the student, you show them what it looks like to be shut down and how would they as a teacher respond to you. And this is even more for your more verbal kiddos. But I've had really good success with that. And I get some insight into what would work for them as they pretend to be the teacher. I think I hear better what they respond to when they're switching around and we make it a game, it's a fun, we're all gonna take turns and stuff and do a role play thing. And that builds a lot of confidence. And again, with the relationship thing too. I think that's really good for relationships and that's reducing when that is in that chaos, that that feels less overwhelming. They've been through this, they practice this situation.

[00:09:52] Caitlin: And I wanted to add for students who are not maybe cognitively able to do more of like the role play and advance, things like that, I had a learner once who was very triggered by hearing no. We did a lot of data collection to understand that it wasn't even just the denied access, it was actually just hearing no. And especially if it wasn't a loud tone that was so triggering to him. Now, of course, we could sit there and say, okay, well then we'll always speak like this, but that's not real life. So we had to really, really firmly shape that response to where somebody in your life is going to say no. Because the best example I can give is that we were at a community outing to target and we were not denying him anything. He was walking in the store and somebody else said, no, no, no, no, you gotta go around. There was like a spill or something. That was all, and he lost it. I mean, again, no cognitive ability to reason and talk about it and rationalize. We realized like quick we had to get ahead of this and we did the most like systematic shaping procedure that I've ever done. And it was so successful. Like we would get in his face and yell no. And then say, nice job tolerating no, and give him his iPad for one second. And then we built it up to five seconds and then we built it up to 30 seconds and we go, no, we can't go outside. It's raining. Like we'd be really dramatic about it, right? 'Cause we tried to think about all angles of what he would experience in real life.

[00:11:11] Audra: You know, even when you master skills, things are gonna come up. They're gonna be new things to work on. I love that example though, of breaking it down and that kind of comes back to doing your research on your student, figuring out what works for them, breaking things down into pieces that they can master so that they feel that success and it goes right back to having that positive relationship with each other. I think those are really important.

[00:11:34] So those five tips really recap. So remember that prevention is your protection. Be the thermostat in the room. Keep yourself calm. Give choices in a moment whenever you can. Avoid saying no when you can say yes later or no, but, and give them a positive, and train calm within your room and in helping yourself stay calm. You don't need 20 strategies. Just choose one or two here and there you can actually use in your environment with your paras. So think about what tip you're gonna try this week and share it in our Misfit Behaviorists Facebook group or wherever you want, and we will catch you again next week.

[00:12:11] Intro: Thanks for listening to the Misfit Behaviorists, and be sure to tune in next week for more tips and tricks.

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