Enneagram and Human Design to stop people pleasing and find your purpose with Kelly Tibbits

In this episode of Worthy & Abundant, Linda Brand talks with Kelly Tibbitts, an Enneagram coach, spiritual life coach, and Human Design guide, about how self-awareness can help women stop people pleasing, break patterns of overgiving, and live more aligned, vibrant lives.

Kelly shares how the Enneagram helps us understand our core motivations, stress patterns, and relationship dynamics, and how Human Design reveals our energetic blueprint, decision-making style, and the ways we can better protect our energy. Together, Linda and Kelly explore how these powerful tools can help overwhelmed women, exhausted moms, and high-achieving caregivers reconnect with themselves and create a more purposeful life.

If you have ever struggled with people pleasing, codependency, overgiving, burnout, or feeling disconnected from your true self, this conversation will give you practical insights and fresh perspective.

In this episode, we cover:

• What the Enneagram is and how it supports self-awareness
• How Human Design helps you understand your energy and alignment
• Why so many women get stuck in overgiving and exhaustion
• How to stop people pleasing and start honoring your own needs
• The difference between stress patterns, motivation, and true purpose
• How self-awareness can improve relationships, parenting, and personal growth
• Why understanding your energy type can change your life

Kelly also shares her own journey from ministry to coaching, how discovering the Enneagram changed her life, and why Human Design has become such a powerful complement to her work with women.

If you’re ready to better understand yourself, protect your energy, and live with more intention, this episode is for you.

Connect with Kelly Tibbitts:

https://www.instagram.com/coachkellytibbitts 

https://www.skool.com/ktlc-group-coaching-3443 

https://kellytibbitts.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Worthy in Abundant the podcast. Today I am joined by my friend Kelly, a spiritual life coach who has spent more than 25 years studying and creating tools to help people grow in self-awareness so they can align their energy with their purpose-filled work. Kelly specializes in helping overwhelmed and exhausted moms stop overgiving and start living vibrant, intentional lives. She's also the host of the podcast Live a Vibrant Life, where she shares insights on personal growth, mindset, and living with purpose. Today we're going to explore two fascinating tools for self-discovery and personal growth, the Enneagram and Human Design, and how understanding ourselves on a deeper level can help us stop people pleasing, align with our true energy, and live more vibrant lives. Welcome, Kelly, to the show. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. We've been talking about bringing you on for some time. So it's amazing. What first led you into the world of spiritual coaching and personal development?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Well, thank you for asking. I was a teacher when I graduated college and had three children and couldn't really be a teacher because my husband traveled. So I ended up being in ministry. And I'd actually gone to Bible college before I went to be a teacher. So it was kind of a neat roundabout of my first interest coming back again. And so I did children's ministry, which was a good fit because I had my education degree and my spiritual side and put it together. And after doing that from 2003 until 2016, the church I was at, the lead pastor left. And we had 10 people who were interested in the job. And my elder team asked me to lead for the four months in the in-between process. And I ended up leading for four years. And in those four years, I grew as the leader that I am. I began to realize I didn't want to be in ministry. I wanted to be a coach. But I got my first coach. And her name was Jenny Catron. And her belief was that you could only lead others to the level at which you led yourself. And so she led me down the path of self-awareness. I discovered my strength finders. And most importantly, I discovered my Enneagram. And when the Ennegram became clear to me, it took me about three months to figure out which path was mine. Um suddenly so much of my life made sense while I was a codependent people pleaser, because I'm an Ennegram too and I'm heart-centered. And then right away, in during the COVID season, my family, my husband and my three daughters, we all knew each other's Ennegram number. We knew what happened when we went to stress and what it looked like when we were in health. And I realized what a gift it would be for other people in relationships if they had that information, what they looked like in stress and health, and what happened to their children and their partners in stress and health so that we could support one another. And so from that place in 2020, I decided this is what I wanted to use my life to do to help people understand their own why. Why do I think and feel and do life this way?

SPEAKER_00 2:49

I love all of that. So for listeners who may be new to it, what exactly is the Enneagram and why is it such a powerful tool for self-awareness?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah, if you've done any tool, a lot of companies pay for people to do Strength Finders or Myers Briggs or any of those tools. What they all do is give you a little bit of insight about yourself. And so the Enneagram is an ancient typology and it was originally taught one-to-one. And during the 1970s, it began to be written down in books and people began to talk about it. And from then it's become something that in some places is almost like a party game. Take a quick quiz and know your why. It's meant to be absorbed slowly, just like most of our self-awareness. We're supposed to take very small steps and grow in. So it's a typology, it helps you understand the differences of human beings and it focuses specifically on the motivation. What motivates different humans? And if we don't think about it, we accidentally believe what motivates you is motivating everybody else. And so even the insight that there's different ways of thinking and feeling and doing life can be very beneficial. So sometimes I do a one-hour course for a company and just help them understand there's different ways that people deal with stress. And sometimes I do families and help them begin to understand each other. But most of what I do is one-on-one work with women who feel overwhelmed and frustrated and resentful, and they don't want to live like that anymore. And so I help them understand why they're feeling that way so they can put the tools in place that help them to live what I would say is a vibrant life, which has the ups and downs, right? That's the truth, is coaching doesn't take away the highs and the lows. It just gives you the tools to deal with both.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

It's amazing. I mean, just knowing why someone is how they are is so powerful. Just understanding yourself more and knowing, like for me, for years, I thought I was impatient because of Monaries, or I was aggressive because of Monaries. And then I found out I have ADHD, and it's like, oh, that's part of it too, you know. There's so many too. Um, so what led you into the human design and to share a little bit about human design?

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Well, I met you through a teacher named Kathy Heller, and I was in one of her programs, and she had somebody on who I still follow, Alexander Hole. And when she presented it the first time, I wasn't ready for it. And about a year and a half later, it was like all of a sudden it made sense. And so it took the time that it took. But when I realized I'm a manifesting generator, and maybe I have ADD too, I won't be surprised if that ever comes out. But to know I wasn't intended to do one thing. I meant to have many balls in the air. It just made sense. Well, just like the Ennegram really felt true to me when I began to notice the difference between how my husband does things and how my children do things, the same was true with human design. My husband and two of my daughters are generators, my youngest and I are manifesting generators. We do life kind of differently. And so what I love is I'm the only person I know right now. I'm sure there are others, I just haven't met them that puts the Enneagram and human design together to really help people create that deep self-awareness.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

That's amazing. Um, and let's explain a little bit about the human design. My understanding is it's similar to astrology, but it's more the energetic blueprint of a human. And I'm a generator, so I have basic knowledge of what that is and all that, but you have much more deeper knowledge. So share a little bit about human design so people that don't know what it is can.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

What I think is so interesting about human design is the person who brought it to us was able to take four faith systems and bring it together over the course of eight days. So you have astrology, you have the chakra system, you have the I Chang, you have Kabbalah and the Tree of Life. And he put it together. And what I really like to say when I'm helping people grow in self-awareness is if you took a piece of paper and a pen and you outlined yourself, and then someone gave you a packet of paints, 120 colors, and you just put little dots in, and each of those dots was a different piece of information about you. The enneagram is helping you understand what motivates you. Human design is talking about this energetic connection we have to each other. And so in the chakra system, there are parts for some people that are open and receptive. And without awareness, you don't even notice I'm absorbing other people's energy in my thinking center, in my feeling center, in my root or my spleen. Um, and once you know that, you can put the tools in place, right? So that you can then guard that part of you so that you're aware. Okay, when I'm in a relationship or having a conversation with this person and I have an open center and theirs is defined, and there's this channel of energy going back, and all of a sudden I'm becoming very overwhelmed, right? And it's on repeat since I was a child, and this is the relationship I had with my mother. It is so interesting to be able to notice my energy belongs to me. What should I be doing to make sure that I stay in aligned energy? And what I love about human design is it gives us some really specific words, like for me as a manifesting generator and for you as a generator. Are we feeling satisfied or are we feeling frustrated? And we should do less of the things that frustrate us and drain our energy and do more of the things that satisfy us and fill us with energy. And that's within our agency. We get to decide those things. And I think that's a very powerful tool.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah, it's so fun. It's so fun learning about yourself. Everybody wants to know about themselves. And just learning that I'm a generator was like, ah, that makes sense. That just, you know, it's just fun. It's really fun to figure out and then learn more about. So um, what would you say? Like, how can understanding your Enneagram um help break patterns of overgiving or people pleasing?

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Well, and that is something that I personally deal with. Other people might have a different pattern. So if you don't mind, I'll go around the nine types. Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

I think a lot of women can relate to the overgiving and the people pleasing kind of a program for most women, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

And that's because society loves women to behave like Enigram twos. So if you think of a clock with nine numbers going around, the Ennegram one is motivated by the desire to do the right thing for the right reason. And where that lives, the reason, is in their body. So enigrams eight, nine, and one have an embodied way of processing information, but they may not have been told to listen to that. They may not have been affirmed for it, and they may have stuffed it down and not even listened anymore. So a one is in the present energy, very compliant in their energy, trying to do the right thing for the right reason. The enigram two in a female is very much affirmed in the society you and I live in. People like the nurturing caregiver energy of a two. And a two is motivated by the desire for people to say, you're so helpful. And to move away from that can feel really scary until you decide I'm 100% enough. I'm worthy just for breathing in and out. I'm already loved. Then I start to make the decisions of my yeses and no's based on do I want to do it from a place of good energy? Because until I knew this information, I said a lot of yeses and then I was resentful. Then I was frustrated, then I was overwhelmed. My children would say the most common phrase I said as a young mom is, I'm so tired. And I would not want my three children to live life so tired, would want them to rest and say the yeses and no's they need to say. So then next to the two is the three. And three, sevens, and eights have what we call assertive energy. It's like they're in a room, they know where they're going, they know what they're doing. Um, threes are motivated by the desire to be productive. So I'm a two, my youngest daughter is a three. Since she was a child, people are like, you're so smart, you're so good. These might be your athletes, your business people. Um, ennegram fours are more withdrawn in their energy. They know how to hold on to it. They're not going to be that overgiver. Um, they're very deeply connected to their feelings. They are artists, they are the poets, they um feel very deeply and they're not afraid to feel all the feelings. Enigram fives actually separate out from the feelings. They're very logical and they're withdrawn in their energy too. They're gonna hold on to it, they're not going to overgive. Four, fives, and nines, people may have said over you, you're so stubborn in your energy. You're not gonna just comply and do what people say. They know how much energy they have and they guard it because energy is precious. And so a four is connected to the feeling side of being a human, and the five is connected to the logical side of being a human. Next to the five is the six. The six is compliant, like the ones and the twos. We're looking to the left and the right, and what do you want me to do? And how can I do it better? They're not listening to themselves, they're not stubborn, they're not assertive, they're compliant. And sixes are trying to stay safe. Next to the six is the seven, and the seven is aggressive to assertive, and they're trying to find the potential, the opportunity. Do not limit a seven. People often say they are our joy. They're the ones who are fun and full of energy and like, let's go and try something new, but they don't want to be limited. The Enneagram eights are also that assertive, future-focus energy, but they're fighting for justice in their gut. They know what should be done, what should be stopped. And when it is in a man, they're almost always given leadership. And when it's in a woman, especially women that are our age or older, they were told all kinds of words. You're too much. You know, you're very difficult, you're too strong-willed, you're just too much. And so for an eight, my oldest daughter is an eight, to understand this is the gift you were given by the universe to embody inside of your body to have a knowing and a strength and an assertiveness. That's so important and so needed. And then finally, we have the enigram nine, also with the embodied wisdom, but they're trying to keep the peace. And what is most beautiful is when an Enigram nine realizes they're here to make peace. They're here to make the changes that are needed to bring peace to the world. So that's just a high overview that we're all motivated by different things. But if we don't know better, and we have especially those ones, twos, and sixes that are compliant, we can behave like the people around us want us to behave instead of leaning into our natural gifts and noticing what gives us energy, do more of that. What depletes us, have some tools to recover. That's the most important thing is you have to know yourself. And then you have to notice this is where my energy rises. I should do that often because it's so good for me and the in the whole world. And this is what drains me. And I need to have some tools around that, maybe some no's, maybe some boundaries. And um, so it's not meant to be a one and done, that's just the lightest sprinkle on the cupcake of information. It's meant to be discovered slowly and carefully. But you might notice you never had a compliant energy and people had opinions on that. But if you had been told since you were three years old, you came with this gift, assertive energy. You're meant to be strong and to lead. Some of life might have been different because you would have really embraced that. I think you do embrace that now, but it's just interesting, isn't it? It meant many, many women that I've helped discover their Enneagram noticed as an Enneagram eight, they were treated differently than men who had that same energetic way of being. It was seen as too much instead of leadership.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

That's amazing. So how would somebody find out their Enneagram? Is there a test they can do?

SPEAKER_01 14:16

There are tests. And what I just offer people is the test is about 75 to 80% accurate because as you're trying to find one of your nine numbers, it's colored by what we call the instincts. There's three instincts that drive human behavior, and there's one that is your primary way of doing, one that you access in health, and one that's a little harder, maybe with therapy or coaching, you begin to access it. And so each of those nine numbers have three distinct paths, and one connects completely with the motivation. And so if you're that number with the matching motivation, probably you'll find your number in the test. But sometimes they're the opposite. And so you take the test and then you don't have your right motivation and you're not doing your right work. And so that's why I became a coach. And I think having a coach is the best way to find your Enneagram number. But there's tests. We have everything these days. We have so much information on the internet. We have amazing books that are read. So if you start the process and you start with an open hand of taking the time it takes, it took me working with a coach about three months to notice if I was a one or a nine or a two. And that's because in society I was praised when I could create those peacekeeping activities. My family of origin loved my one energy and really preferred that to my two. And then my two was so a part of being a female my age. It's just what society likes is that caregiver. So it took me a while to discover what was actually my path.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Yeah, because honestly, when you were describing the different ones, I was like, I could be more than one, I felt like.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Well, what happens is you have the behavior of different numbers. And especially the more healthy we are, the more we access the fullness of being a human. But only one is the motivation. Why do you say yes to this and no to that? That's what the Enneagram in particular helps you to understand so that you can really make the aligned choices. You talk a lot about conditioning. The conditioning shows up in the behavior. And so once you understand yourself, you can notice I do best here as a generator. You do best when there's something to respond to. So keeping things to respond to in your life is best for you. A projector, thinking they're a generator, can exhaust themselves trying to work the same hours you easily work. So understanding yourself is the whole thing. Trying to understand what fills me and what depletes me, I think that's the centerpiece of why we want to grow in self-awareness.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

That's amazing. So um, yeah, I mean, self-awareness is so huge in changing your life. I mean, it's really the first thing. Um so, how does human design help people align their energy with the work or life they're meant to be doing?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Well, I think both the Ennegram, human design, strength finders, all of these different things. At the end of the day, I would say that is not who you are. I would say who you are is a once-in-a-lifetime irreplaceable soul that is 100% valuable for breathing in and breathing out. That's who you are. You would describe that as worthy and abundant. And if you know that, then these are like, again, like the sprinkles on the cupcake. It is really good information, but the work begins with knowing who you are, right? Yeah. So you're not a three or a generator. You are 100% worthy, abundant. Then once you know that about yourself, what these different tools help you understand is what brings you closer to the aligned energy to do your purpose-filled work and what actions, behaviors, decisions deplete you on repeat until you're so out of alignment, you're not making decisions that serve you. So understanding human design helps you understand that my aura and your aura connect, right? It's outside of our body, about six feet. And as you begin to understand the layers of information of human design, it's not to put you into a box. It's an experiment. It's to notice, right? So starting with something like what energy do you show up with? A generator and a manifesting generator, our aura responds to other things. People walk by, we have a thought or a feeling, or they do an action and we do an action. A manifester is different. A manifester comes in and they have this bright starting energy. And so I met you in the program of a manifester. And if I look at her and compare my life to her, it looks like, wow, I'm doing something wrong. I don't just begin new things from nothing. I need something to respond to. Then the projector comes along and they have the wisdom. They see into other people, they can see clearly. However, their energy is not wasted. It's best used when the people in their life say, tell me more. They the people in their life lean in. If a projector just starts doing what a manifestor does, they sound like Charlie Brown's parents. And then they're wasting their precious energy. And then finally, um, the fifth type comes in and they're a reflector, they're reflecting everybody else. But if they don't know the difference between themselves and the people they're reflecting, you can see how easily they would get exhausted. So it's an experiment. It's accepting that energy is real. We can't see it, but it is real. And the human body lives inside an aura that's connecting with other people. And human design has layers and layers and layers of information for you about from the time that you were born, what makes you distinct, and what is good for you to know about yourself. So you have your own back. And you can say, you know what, this is best for me. I'm a one-three emotional manifesting generator. So the number one tells me I love to learn. Well, human design didn't have to tell me that. I knew that part of myself. But the number three, the second part, I didn't know I was meant to do life messy, to throw spaghetti at the wall and make mistakes and learn from it. If I look back on my life, every amazing thing happened from those quote unquote mistakes. But I was conditioned from a child, don't go making mistakes. Right, right. And then I'm an emotional authority. I'm meant to feel the waves of life. I'm not supposed to make the decision at the top wave where everything's amazing, and I'm not supposed to make it at the bottom where it's so depressing I can't get out of bed. I'm supposed to find the neutral energy, and that's where I should make a decision. Well, that would have been helpful to know the last 30 years. But now that I know it, it's really helping guide me decide to say the yeses and the no's.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

I have a question. So because you're in ministry and um is that Christianity or what it was, how did you like how does that look at these things that we're talking about? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Yeah. That was part of my aversion from when I met it. I was like, am I allowed to do this? And then as I began to grow, I find my faith connection to Christ to be very strong. You know, the Christian faith says that the wise men found Jesus by following the stars. Um, in the book of Psalms, it says the heavens tell the glory of God and the stars announce what his hands have made. So I believe God made all of these different tools and different people access them through their connection to Christ. And what I found really interesting in human design is this one human being over eight days put four faith systems together in such a way that I have not met a person yet that it hasn't been true. Yeah. I talked to them about this information and it's true. Right. And so I have a more open understanding of God. I do. Don't limit God.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

But I know there are other people who would feel like I've moved off a path that they would feel comfortable with. And I would have been that person 20 years ago or even three years ago. So knowing that there are people who feel the same way about the enneagram because it's not in the Bible. Are you allowed to understand yourself? I would say yes. Like God would love for all of us to understand Him. Ourselves. Well, the two big phrases that drive the Christian faith are love God with your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself and go and make disciples.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Love your neighbor as yourself.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

And love your neighbor as yourself means you have to know yourself, right? You have to be kind and loving to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Well, the other piece I feel is we're one. So you're me and I'm you. So loving your neighbor as yourself is a way to love yourself. Yeah. And it's peace. It's it's a peaceful way of living because you're not jealous of others. Because you're happy for others, because they're you anyway. It's just, you know, like it's easy to have that natural instinct to be like envious, but it's like, no, you got to be happy for everybody because essentially we're we're well.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

I also I love Brene Brown's um Atlas of the Heart and explains different emotions, which are feelings of vibrations in our body. And envy is such a great emotion because it helps you to notice I want that. And rather than thinking life is limited, if we think it's abundant, now that they have it, we're like, I would like that too. What a beautiful thing for our body to tell us, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yes. And and this, it is abundant. Like literally, that is one of the universal laws. I was doing something meditation, and she was the first universal law is that that the law of abundance. It's really true. It's all just our lenses that we that get uh get, you know, just what's the word I'm looking for?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Like maybe more limited than abundant.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Yeah. So you specifically help overwhelmed and exhausted moms. Why do you think so many women feel stuck in the overgiving?

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Well, I think because when we're we are rewarded for something as children, our brain makes it mean something. So most of us don't remember three, four, or five, we did something. And when we did it, someone said, good job, good girl, proud of you. And we began to think that we had the ability to help other people feel better, right? And so when I went to life coach school, what changed my life is to realize that my thoughts are created in my brain. There are always circumstances going on, but what I think about the circumstance is created in my own brain. And if I keep the thought and repeat and I don't pay any attention to it, the thought is creating a feeling that begins to drive my behavior. So if I look at a circumstance and I decide this is, you know, they can't, they can't succeed without me. There's no way for them to do it without me. That's my thought. Then my feeling becomes like I'm needed, I have to go help them and they're they're not going to succeed. And that feeling drives me and it makes me do actions that may or may not serve them because I never asked them if that's something that they would like. But you can understand it. Three, if that was my thought, and I never changed it, how strong that belief would be by the time you're my age. And we know this is true because most of us still brush our teeth with the same hand we did when we were three. We get dressed with the first foot the same way we did when we were three. So much of our life, our thoughts that have been on repeat that we never just took out and put down and said, Do I even believe that? That they can't do it without me? Because I don't believe that, right? I think it's best for them to figure it out without me. And so noticing why we do what we do, a lot of it comes down to many women think we are helping other people have a better life experience with our actions. When 100% of the time their life experiences is created by their thought that creates a feeling that moves them in the direction towards or away from the result that they want based on the feeling in their body. And so once we understand that, boy, that is freedom.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. So true. So, what's the first step for someone who feels completely drained and disconnected from themselves? Like, what's their first step?

SPEAKER_01 26:15

And that's why I love human design, because we all have different steps. And so, one thing is, you know, I'm not gonna go through all the different parts of human design right now, but take a minute and human design, the tests are free. And if you know your birthday and where you were born in the time of day, that's all the information you need. You don't even need any self-awareness. You put that into a free human design test, it's gonna give you a little report. And what you're looking for are the words. Um, are you feeling satisfied or frustrated? Well, that takes a little bit of self-awareness, not a lot, but maybe you go get a cup of coffee and you go sit somewhere that you enjoy and you notice what parts of your life are making you satisfied and what parts are making you frustrated. And can you do a little more of what fills you up and a little less, let other people do it, or decide to delegate it, or just decide you're not going to do it. And that works for generators and manifesting generators. The different types have other, you know, words that they're looking for. But my favorite tool for all women is to decide, and I've heard this on your podcast as well. Self-care is not selfish, right? You are not selfish if you take care of yourself. So I remember when my mom was about my age, my dad had just passed away. She had only ever watched the television that my dad liked. And my husband and I had bought her a television, and she was like, Oh my gosh, I like TV. I just like home and garden channel and not Star Trek. But she didn't even know that. She couldn't go to the store and pick out ice cream that she liked because her whole life had been what does everybody else want? So could you find the smallest thing that you like and do that? Maybe it's going to the beach, maybe it's having a friend over for a cup of tea. Could you do one small thing and as you're doing it, help yourself to believe your hand on your hearts? It's not selfish to take care of myself.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Right. Oh, yeah, so powerful. I love that because I was that person. I remember being in a restaurant looking at the menu, going, I don't even know what I want because it's like, wait, it's usually what are they getting, or you know, what should I get? You know, versus what do I want? And like, yeah, it's so interesting that women have that program to just allow others to go first and everything for the kids and everything for the husband, and we're just the caregivers and the give, give, give. And then we have guilt for putting ourselves first, or we have guilt, but the reality is, and I always say, you know, it's cliche, but like we give from the overflow, we don't give from the depleted cup because then you're miserable and you know, you're um amazing. So, how can tools like Enneagram and Human Design help someone reconnect with their purpose? Well, you kind of covered that.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Yeah, I think one of the first things, and I love that you and I have podcasts so we can keep saying this over and over again. I believe every human being is here on purpose. That's why you're here. And so that might be your first step to write down, you know, I love the artist way by Julia Cameron. And she suggests you get a notebook, and every morning you just notice what's in your own brain. And maybe you write down something like, I'm here for a purpose and I don't know what it is. God, universe, speak to me, show me, bring people, bring actions, right? Because I think when you have purpose, the energy that comes from that is what drives us in that aligned energy, right? Like to believe that whether it is a podcast that you may never meet the person who listens and it and it gave them that spark to continue. It might be you talk to that lady in the grocery line behind you and she felt seen for a moment. You don't know what it is, but I believe you're here for purpose. So that's the very first thing is to notice that. And then the tools, whether they're human design, Myers, Briggs, all of them are good. What they do is they help you have your own back. I think when you talked about the empty teacup, most human beings are walking around, we're like an empty teacup, walking up to one another, asking other empty teacups to pour into our cup. And they don't have anything to give. So when you have your own back and you notice, hey, I'm a generator, I need to respond to things, I need to feel satisfied. I have the sacral energy that needs to be on fire to move. And if it's not today, maybe I'm sick and I need to rest. Maybe I need something purpose-filled to put back on my calendar because I've been doing too much for others. When you begin to notice what you need and then you do more of it, now you have what you were saying, that overflow to give.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Oh, so good. I could just listen to you all day. I love listening to you. You're amazing. You really are amazing. Um, what has been the biggest lesson you've learned about yourself through this work?

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Well, because I didn't know I was a codependent people pleaser, I lived about 40 years of my life very physically sick because I overgave. Like my intestines were constantly sick, I constantly had migraines. Um, I was very grumpy and resentful. So I always was doing for both the people above me, my family of origin, the people beside me, work friends, other friends. And then my my husband and my children got the last of me, right? They got the the little ends that were left. And I wasn't showing up for them the way I wanted to, and I really wasn't showing up for myself. And so as I began to discover work, one of my favorite teachers is Cara Loenthiel. Um, and you know, she taught me I have a body. And I had spent decades judging this body, this body that had birthed three beautiful children, this body that has done the very best it can. I'm not a naturally skinny person. I had lots of thoughts about it. And now I'm so kind and loving to myself. Honestly, my size hasn't changed in the last 10 years, but I've also gone through menopause. Um, but I look at myself with love. That's what I think changes because I love myself so deeply. I'm not judgmental. I'm sending out love, I'm sending out good intentions. And so I think that's the work is when you know yourself, you understand why you think and feel and do life the way you do, you understand that other people do it differently. We're not trying to change them because we can't. They were given the agency of their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. So I take my best energy and put it into my own life. And then I try to surround myself with people like you that are on this path of growing in love and in light because we can't do this work alone. I think that's the path. Love yourself, find some neighbors, love one another, grow, send goodness and light into the world.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Oh, I feel the love when you talk that way about yourself. I feel it so it's so beautiful. Honestly, it's so beautiful. Um, tell the story you told me about your first life coach and how you were on the phone walking. And what was the story that like you had in a awake, like someone said to you, was it your friend or was it the coach? Is it Kelly? You have agency.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Thank you. Yes. So that I was in the middle of being coached. I had my first coach, then I joined the life coach school, and I was noticing that I didn't want to be in ministry anymore. I had deconstructed from some of my faith. There was a Christian nationalism to it that I was no longer connected to, and I knew it was time for me to pivot. But I was attached to the money. I had two kids in college, and I didn't see any way out of doing what I was doing, but it wasn't best for me, and obviously it wasn't best for the people that I served. And so I was talking to a friend, and she said to me, Kelly, you have agency. You don't have to wait for God to do something. You can do it yourself. I had never heard that word. I'm incredibly smart. I read all the time. I had never heard that word that I was given agency over my own life. I could choose what to think, what to feel, and what to do. And so when that season ended in that role, it was really hard because so much of my conditioning had been money only comes through a job. And now there was this whole different way that money was going to come and provision was going to come. And it's been, like has for most entrepreneurs, an up and down roller coaster ride. But there's been enough. For five years, there's been enough without being in that role that I was no longer fit for. So I'm so thankful for her word that day, for the knowledge that came from investing in myself with all these different programs. Right. And that, you know, I have my own back. That what happens in my life, well, you know, I talk to the business partner that does my work with me, and we say all the time, this was worth every hour and every penny just for the life change in our own lives. Like if it ends here, it was worth it. We're better mothers, we're better partners, we're better humans because we've done this work.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Oh, yeah. Incredible. Yeah, for sure. I was just listening to something about that too. Like, I am so grateful for all the investing I've done and just serving because even this podcast, like the people that come through this podcast have helped me and along with everybody else. Like, you know, we're still on the journey, you know, it's never ending, actually.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

And I hope you also feel this because I feel it when I listen to you, the solo episodes. I go back and listen to myself from a year ago, and I don't remember saying any of that, and it's so helpful for me. And so, you know, we've called each other on different days and said I just listened to your podcast, and that word was so good for me. Thank you for putting it out there. So it's not always just the conversation, sometimes it's the insight we have just sharing something.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Yeah, for sure. No, I I agree. Um, sometimes I find myself judging myself when I listen to one of my solos, but I'm like, We are humans having human experiences.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

I love that you brought that up because neither of us has arrived. We still have those moments where we're critical and we're judgmental. And again, this is where human design and the endeagram are helpful because there's this, there's a common path for how we might judge ourselves and it's different from how somebody else might.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

And it gives us that awareness of, oh, of course, hello, here we are again doing that thing we do.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Yeah, wouldn't it be amazing if they like taught this in school? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

You know, I was a kindergarten teacher. That was my first job out of college, and I think about that all the time. If I could sit crisscross on the rug with little kindergartners and be like, you know what, sweet girl, you are an enigram eight. You were meant to change the world. And you know what, sweet boy, you are a nine and you were given this sensitive soul, but you're gonna create peace in this world because you can see everybody's opinion and it's okay for you not to be aggressive. That's not the energy you came with. That would have been amazing, right? And human design, they say it was given to us for the children, right? Because the children that are born now from birth, if their parents are aware of their human design, they can parent them according to their design. So I'll tell you one quick story. In human design, there's so many layers of information. But one in particular is what kind of environment is best for you? Is it a cave where there's like sort of three walls and a door? Is it the ocean? Is it a mountaintop? And you like to see from the top and look down. For me, it's a kitchen. Lots of activity. I'm a manifesting generator, it makes so much sense. But for my youngest daughter, it's a cave. And I didn't know any of this, but from her toddlerhood, she always had like a little tent in her room. You know, she had two big energetic sisters and she had a place, a little cave she could go into. And now that she knows this about herself, she has a second bedroom and I'm in a second bathroom, and she can keep that dark and closed off, or she can go to yoga. Like she knows this is what restores her. And human design can literally hand you this, like a manual for you, a manual of me, that it can hand you. These are the ways you can take good care of yourself. Experiment with it.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. I love the story that um Kathy Heller had shared on her show about with Alexander Cole or whatever her name is, um, that her and her husband, like when you learn, like it can save a marriage when you understand someone's electron, you know, an energetic group. I almost said electronic. It's so interesting. And I was just talking to a friend for coffee, and she texted me afterwards and said, like, that she went home and was very grateful. And I shifted her mindset and it was very much a gift, her text to me. But basically, I was thinking while talking to her, you need to learn your human design and your husband's human design because sometimes you think he should be a certain way, but are you taking things personal that has nothing to do with you? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 38:21

That's just well, one of my favorite things to do in a corporate setting is to teach the enigrams way that human beings deal with stress. So there's three things that happen threes, ones, and fives on the enneigram. When things get stressful, they become more logical. Emotion goes out of the way, they're just logical. What's the plan? Um, twos, sevens, and nines become more positive. What's the best that could happen? I bet that's what will happen. And then four, sixes, and eights get bigger, more reactive, a little more energetically reactive, maybe emotionally, but definitely bigger and more reactive. So you have two or three people having a conflict. And one person's like, Why are you all getting upset? Stay logical. And the person who's, you know, getting reactive is feeling unseen, unheard, right? They're getting dismissed. Um, they're frustrated that they look like they're out of control when everyone else is in control. And what's going on with this positive person over here acting like nothing's going on? That's frustrating too. And once you understand that, you're in a conflict and you notice they're getting a little bit more positive, more positive. I think they're in stress. They're getting a little more logical, a little more logical. I think they're in stress. I think this is this is hard for them. Oh my goodness, they're getting reactive. I think they're finding this conflict difficult. Now you have compassion, you have grace, you're not judging yourself and others. And that's again a small piece of information the ennycrame gives us. So by learning and growing about yourself and having this capacity to honor that other people do it differently, instead of getting frustrated through relationships, you you hold space, you have grace. Oh my goodness. I see, I see why you're getting logical here, but I wonder if you're also stressed. Would you like to take a little break? It could serve us in so many areas from relationships at home to at work.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Yeah, this is great for like leaders. Um, I had a question around the emotional authority or the authority, what is it called? The um, so with human design, so it's not just I am I'm a generator, it's your uh what's the other thing?

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Your So the authority, so you have your authority is telling you how do you make decisions best. So we're not going to go through all of them. It will take so much time, but we'll talk about the difference between an emotional authority and a splenic authority, right? So you have the chakra system, and your emotions were over here in the solar plexus part of your chakras and over here in the spleen. Um, some people are making, and about half the population makes their decisions, they're they're processing life's information emotionally. And emotions go up and down like a wave. And what you learn when you find out you have an emotional authority is don't make the decisions at the top of the wave because you're saying yes to things you energetically cannot do. But don't make them at the bottom of the wave either, because you will have more energy than you think you have there. Learn to ride the wave to neutral. It's fine if it is or it isn't. Okay. Now that's not everybody. Some people have a splenic authority, and that is an instant whisper that you begin to notice. And we have a mutual friend who has a podcast called What's That Whisper? Where she has a splenic authority and she learned to notice what's the whisper? I can trust it. It's instantaneous. So I'm meant to take the time I need to take, and she's meant to instantaneously not go with the loud, right? And it's fun because we have the scripture in common, kind of like Elijah, right? Like was in wasn't the, you know, the noise of the storm, it was in the whisper, right? And so, but to trust that we can't go around telling each other how to know, right? How many people who have this gut-based authority tell other people, just trust your gut. Well, I'm not meant to trust my gut. I'm an emotional authority and I'm a two on the Ennegram. I'm in the emotions land. I can trust my feelings, but I have to notice them and I have to process them and I have to get to neutral, and then I can make my decisions. So again, both systems are not meant to be one and done or a quick little party favor. But if you're willing to take the time it takes to know yourself, you have more access to information than you've ever had before. There's podcasts, there's Instagram, there's books, there's workshops. If you're starting to hear us talk and think I want to know more about myself, yeah, there's so many ways to take a small step. Just don't expect it to be and an hour from now, I know myself completely.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I love all that. And we'll find out where everybody can find you, Kelly, and tell us if someone listening wants to start living a more vibrant life today, what's one small step they could take?

SPEAKER_01 42:48

The first thing I would say, and it's the foundation of my program, I use the three letters T-E-A, like a cup of tea. Your thought work matters, your energy alignment matters, and your self-awareness matters. So the first thing is to notice your thoughts 100% of the time create the feelings in your body that drive your actions. So somehow you have to begin to notice what you're thinking. Some people notice in conversation, some people notice with a journal, some people notice when they go walking in the woods. Find a way to notice what you're thinking because it's driving your life. The next thing you want to notice is your energy. It moves up and down, right? And so without intention, people think their physical energy is all of their energy. It's not. You have mental energy, emotional energy, spiritual energy. Begin to notice. Some people have great mental energy first thing in the morning and good physical energy after lunch. Just begin to notice your own life and try to do more things in a way that bring energy to you and try to do less things that deplete you. And the path to that is through self awareness. So if you're going to do one thing, figure out your thoughts. It might be through friendship and conversation. It might be through quiet journaling. It might be through walking in movement. So many people say they'll do a yoga class and then during savasana, boom, now they know what they're thinking. Other people, it's while they're driving or cleaning. I can't tell you how it works for you, but take the time you need to to notice what you're thinking on repeat because you might be startled to say, every day I say to myself, you suck. You don't try hard enough. You're never going to succeed. You don't want those thoughts driving your life. Replace them.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

You're beautiful, made on purpose for a purpose, 100% valuable. That's what you do every week. You're like, you're worthy, you're abundant. Put those thoughts on repeat.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

Yes. Oh, that's beautiful. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. We could talk to you forever. Tell us where everyone should go, or what else would you like to share before we wrap up and find out how to find out?

SPEAKER_01 44:48

No, I would love to connect with anybody. I have a website, kellytibits.com, which is spelled T-I-B-D-I-T-T-S. From there, you can listen to my podcast. I have a free school program where I put all of my different workshops for free. You can just come and learn and meet other people who are on this path with you. Um, those are my two favorite ways to connect with people.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

Oh, amazing. And I'm in the school also. And I think you're going to be raising it the cost at some point. So you want to jump in now while it's free. Um, and we'll put the links in the show notes for everyone. I love talking to you and I love hearing all the stuff. You're just a wealth of information, Kelly, and so much fun to talk to.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

It was so fun. Thank you for having me. You're so welcome. Thank you.