How to Stop People Pleasing and Start Honoring Yourself

Have you ever said "yes" when every part of you wanted to say "no"? In this heartfelt solo episode, Linda shares a personal story about recognizing people-pleasing, releasing guilt, and choosing self-respect over obligation. Discover why relationships aren't transactional, how to stop seeking external validation, and why true healing begins when you remember that your worth has never depended on someone else's approval.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to Worthy and Abundant. Good morning. I'm so happy that you're here listening. Today I want to have a conversation talking about how I don't have everything figured out. I haven't quite arrived, but because I believe we're all walking each other home, I have noticed some old patterns resurfacing lately. Old thoughts, old fears, old stories. I'm not good enough. And it's incredibly wild because I hosted a successful event on Sunday. And then Sunday afternoon, evening, and Monday, I started having this dark energy come over me. And like I said, it was you're not good enough, and just all kinds of old thoughts and beliefs that are not truths. And I notice them because I'm the observer. I tell you that I always am the observer, and I get curious about where this is coming from, why I'm feeling these feelings. And then I want to talk about how honoring yourself doesn't mean you'll never feel sadness. It doesn't mean you'll never have a difficult day. It means you don't abandon yourself when those days come. You stay, you breathe, you love yourself through it. And so often our pattern is to beat ourselves up about it. Why am I feeling this way? Where did this come from? Instead of saying, okay, how can I support myself right now? How can I love myself? How can I give myself grace? You know, and it's interesting because as I'm telling you this, I realize that we're all on this journey together, and I am not ahead of anybody. We're all walking each other home. It's not look at me, it's come with me. And I'm reading this beautiful book on healing addictive behaviors. And one thing that really stuck with me is all of these unhealthy patterns and addictions are all rooted in fear. They're all rooted in lies, beliefs that are not truths, beliefs that we're separate, beliefs that we're, you know, we're carrying shame and old stories about ourselves that aren't truths. And we are ultimately seeking validation, assurance, and everything outside of ourselves. And when we don't receive it, we feel unworthy and we feel abandoned and we feel rejected and we feel alone. And when we feel that, that's when we are chasing approval, we're overworking, we're numbing our pain, we're people pleasing. And I'll give you an example. Yesterday I was supposed to go to an event in Sarasota, and just to give you some context, I live depending on traffic, I live like 30 minutes, but it could be much longer if it's traffic, and it was traffic and it was lightning and thunder and raining, and I did want to go to support this person at her thing, and you know, she came to my event and she donated money and she bought a journal, but then I was like forcing myself to go because I felt like obligated and people pleasing, and then I chose not to go, and there was a blessing on the other side, and this is just me noticing the patterns, the old ways of being and thinking. Relationships are not transactional, we don't keep score. I grew up in the way of keeping score, and this person did this, then I owe this, or this back and forth thing, and it's not the way a healthy relationship is. I remember my birthday. I remember some friends taking me out for my birthday and buying me gifts, and then of course, in the mind, I'm immediately thinking what I'm gonna do for their birthday, and it's like, what is this about? It's about unworthiness, it's about approval from others, and instead of just accepting and receiving and not feeling like I owe anyone anything, it's incredible. So and then I also want to talk about how so often we are comparing ourselves to other people, it's so easy to do with social media and thinking about other people who have more perceived success, more followers, and we cannot compare our day three with their day 20, or our year three with their year 15. We're all on our own journeys, everyone's on a different journey, and the goal is not to become someone different, the goal is to become more fully yourself and choose love over fear every single day. I truly believe the decision comes down to one question: are you choosing love or are you choosing fear? Because love expands and fear contracts, and that's the other thing about the book that I'm reading. They're talking about a course in miracles, and I love that because I used to study a course in miracles, now I study more Kabbalah and Judaism, but I just wanted to share how I've been feeling lately and how these old patterns have showed up where this energy came in that was trying to take me down, and I chose to rise instead, and I chose to notice the thoughts, notice this, and ask where it's coming from, and then ultimately choose differently and support myself and give myself the grace and love that I seek from others, and that's what my journal is all about. My journal is about knowing that we have to come home to ourselves, we have to know that we are whole and we are worthy just the way we are, and that we are deserving of good things. It's not your past, the past is gone, and it's okay to feel things and move through things. Feeling is healing for sure, but you can have sadness and gratitude can coexist, grief and gratitude can coexist. I was always saying I shouldn't feel this, I should be grateful, and that's bypassing my feelings and putting myself down. I shouldn't feel this. I'm a human, I have emotions, I feel things, and I can feel things and still choose gratitude at the same time. I'm allowed to actually enjoy myself and feel sad and feel grief. So I can feel grief and be grateful at one time, I can feel grief and be happy actually, in some ways, and choose joy and things like that. So every day I ask myself in my journal, who do I want to be today? First, what am I grateful for? How do I want to feel? Who do I want to be? All the things because setting intentions is incredibly powerful, and focusing on what you do have is also incredibly powerful because all of the text out there, the spiritual and the other text, talks about enjoying this journey and enjoying your existence here on the planet Earth, like enjoying your life. It's not when I receive this, I'll love myself. When I make all this money, I'll be happy. It's being happy first, and then everything else falls into place. When you choose work that you love, you'll never work a day in your life, and that's it. That's really it. And so many of us fell into careers that we didn't love, and we just thought this is it, and it's not. You can design your life. I am proof of it, and we can continue to support each other in designing the life we love. And I have a free group that I love, and I support these women, and they're very kind and loving and supportive. And then I have my events, and I'm gonna have another event probably the end of July on Zoom so that everyone is welcome. And then at the end of August, I have a self-love event at the Salt Caves in Lakewood Ranch, Florida, live and in person, and I'm so excited, and I see retreats in the very near future in the winter here. And so I'm stirring my drink. My girlfriend turned me on to this matcha, strawberry matcha, and then I put the greens, those powdered greens, and I put some electrolytes, and it's so yummy, I have to tell you, it's so yummy. So, what I wanted to share really is that some dark energy's been showing up, some old feelings, old lack feelings, fear feelings, and I'm moving through it, and I am supporting myself through it, loving myself through it, giving myself grace, learning how to feel whole, and bringing you along for the journey because I'm not here to pretend that I'm somewhere that I'm not, but I am enjoying this journey. And next week I am doing a little trip and I'm excited about it, but I'm also a little bit fearful because I'm bringing my dog and I'm concerned about his well-being. I know that it'll be fine, it's just still hot here in Florida, and I don't know, but I'm trusting that whatever happens will be of the highest good, and I can trust myself and trust God and trust the universe and enjoy every single day, guys. Please enjoy every single day, and when you're feeling sad and grief, and lack, and scarcity, and bullshit lies, fear, just notice those thoughts and know that you are not the thoughts, you are not your mind, you are not your body, you have a mind, you have a body, and be grateful. And that's another thing, guys. Gratitude is the fastest way out of all lack, scarcity, fear, negative programming, negative thoughts, negative beliefs, gratitude. I have legs, I can walk. God forbid anything happened and you wouldn't be able to walk. God forbid you wouldn't be able to see. We think we have these problems, which you know, you may very well have challenges, and I do too, but what do you have? Thank you, God. Everything is a gift. My rabbi always says everything is a gift, and it's so true. It really is true. We get distracted and we lose sight of what is so here and now and how blessed we are, and we allow things to get in the way and to take us out of. We criticize ourselves, we should all over ourselves. I should this, I should that, I should this. It's very disempowering to speak to yourself this way, and I am guilty, believe me. I am 100% guilty. So I hope that served and supported you in some way. I just want you to choose joy first, know that you can have these feelings and choose gratitude, they can coexist together, and that I'm here to be a guide and support and to bring you along for this journey. Four years ago, I lived in Michigan, I changed my life, I moved across the country, I wanted a different life, I didn't love what I was doing, I didn't love how I was feeling, and now I have a completely different life, and I still am on the journey, and I'm so grateful for all of it, honestly. All of it. I'm choosing love today, and I'm choosing love every single day. Love over fear, because that's it. God is love, and you are love, and you are abundant, and you are worthy, and you are all the things. So I hope this episode served and supported you. Oh, I forgot to say yesterday when I chose not to go to that event, I was heading back to my apartment, and I stopped at Publix to fill up these two waters, and this guy standing there getting his water, he was waiting for me. I went to my car to get my wallet, and I came back, and there he was, and he was so nice, and he helped me, and he said, wait, and I'll put them in your car. And we talked, and he just was so nice, and it was so refreshing, and he was nice looking, and I'm sure he's married, but anyway, and then I was walking the dog later, and this guy with a bunch of kids was looking at me, and it just felt good. I just feel like I haven't had that kind of male attention. Of course, it's external, and I don't have to think it means anything about me, like I'm allowing like I'm worthy because someone looked at me. No, I'm worthy because I'm worthy, but we're human. I liked it, it felt good, and it felt just really nice. So I wanted to share that, and there are some amazing people on the planet, and I'm so grateful. So, thank you for listening. Thank you for being here with me, and have a blessed day. Also, I have some beautiful affirmation hats that I've created. So I have grateful on the front and love on the back, and I just love them so much, and now I'm creating blessed and worthy and abundant. And if you are interested in a hat, send me a message on social media, Linda Brain Coach, or in or worthy and abundant, and we can arrange to get you a hat and have a beautiful day, everybody. Take care.