Woven Together: Crafting Strong Family Connections

Join Angela and Anna in this warm and insightful episode of Good Friends; Strong Families, where they share the secrets to building a close-knit family. They explore the simple joys that bring us together, like mealtime chats, family game nights, and even the quiet moments that might seem small but add up to a lifetime of memories. It's not just about what we do together, but how we make each other feel—valued, understood, and part of a team.

Our hosts, two seasoned parents and family coaches, open up about their own experiences. They give you the inside scoop on how to make every family member feel important, from the little ones just starting to talk to the teens navigating their independence. They believe that being there for each other—in good times and tough ones—is what family is all about.

Angela and Anna don't just talk the talk; they walk you through easy-to-apply steps that can make your family feel more connected starting today. This episode isn’t about grand gestures; it's about the small, everyday actions that show we care. So whether you're trying to get everyone to open up more, or you're looking for ways to show your kids they're loved, tune in and discover how to make your family ties stronger and your home the heartwarming place everyone wants to be.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Hello, welcome to Good Friend, strong Families, the podcast where every episode equips you with a new skill, surrounds you with support and provides actionable steps you can immediately implement in your family life. I'm Angela and I'm joined by my co-host, anna. In today's episode, we'll delve into building connection, so this is a foundational skill that will help you grow a strong, loving family. We're going to dissect the what, the why and the how, so that by the end of today's episode, you'll be better equipped to raise resilient, connected families. So let's get started, anna.

Speaker 2: 0:46

This makes me think about what does it mean to you to feel connected?

Speaker 1: 0:51

as a family.

Speaker 2: 0:53

I think it can mean a little something different for everyone, but I'm just going to talk about, like, the things that my family does and we connect through that. So we like to play games. Actually, I should I should amend that my husband will play games because he loves his family.

Speaker 2: 1:14

I like the kids and I really do love playing games, so he just kind of puts up with us. But we play games, we go on hikes, sometimes we just go on neighborhood walks. We like to have fun together, we laugh and joke around, we like doing life together. I don't know, that seems like so simple, but I think sometimes we try to overcomplicate this and we try to make it, make it harder than it has to be, and so I don't know. But I do think that it also means that we are comfortable with each other, and I think that I think about my different children and their different personalities and how we are a family unit.

Speaker 2: 2:04

We are one in one sense, but we are unique and it's okay and you can have interests that are your own and I think it's fun when you share those interests with the rest of us. But it's also okay that you like something that other people don't, and I think that that's something that we've had to navigate, that some people have different preferences, and it's okay.

Speaker 1: 2:32

Well, you know it's interesting this idea of being connected, because over the years we've talked about how our lives look really different from one another.

Speaker 1: 2:38

But this, to me, is something that I've always kind of played catch up on, the idea of being connected. And we know I know as a family coach one of the things that we have to consider is this feeling or this like identity of being connected with one another and feeling like this is the place that I belong. We know that when you have kids that feel really connected to the family and they feel like they're loved there, they're cared for there, they're listened to there, that we actually see a lot more better outcomes. And let me just quantify that by saying when we say better outcomes, we mean like they do better in school, less likelihood that they'll engage in risky behaviors, more likelihood that they'll end up in adult, committed relationships. I mean all of the things that you want for your kids as sort of healthy family outcomes. This is foundational, but it's so. You know, just as somebody who, like, works and travels, and you know over the years I've found that working with even with other families that being connected has to be intentional.

Speaker 2: 3:46

Yeah, yeah, and I think some other things that like are signs that you have a strong connection is that, like even parents and children, like you have a Mutual respect for each other. You are allowed to share your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings. You feel comfortable to share your hopes and dreams for the future.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Yeah and I think that, depending on how you grew up, maybe even culturally right, that wasn't something that I don't know, I don't feel like that was super common, but I think that that's something that I have wanted to intentionally add to like, in addition to like the fun. We play games. We do this. Yeah, let's also have some real honest conversations, and like your voice matters too. Yeah, I think that that's the big thing is like Children need to have that sense of belonging. I think all people do right agreed.

Speaker 2: 4:43

But I think, like you said, it's like that foundational thing for Children to know that they are part of something bigger than themselves and that really lends to Carries out beyond your family.

Speaker 1: 5:00

Well, and I'm gonna guess if Folks who are listening, if they're still with us in this part of the conversation, that that's what they want to. You know they want their kids to feel connected, and there are certain things. Sometimes families do this in a very like organic, natural way, and I'm very envious. I don't know how you do this organically, because it just has not been. It was not my existence as a kid.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Growing up, I didn't feel overly connected to my family, and so I didn't know how to do this as an adult and as a parent and I had to really seek out how do you Connect as a family and stay connected, and it took a lot of work for me to do that because I didn't experience that so much as a Kid, and yet it's so key. So, friends, we're gonna just teach you a few things, I think. I think some of the things that Anna talks about what it looks like to be connected those are really natural things that folks do. But can you talk a little bit about what it means to Feel bonded to our family? Why is it important for that to happen?

Speaker 2: 6:07

So some of the house right. I think we covered the what and and remember the what, what I said, the examples that I gave. That may not be you. You may all hate board games, right? We can still be friends. Just won't invite you to the party, right?

Speaker 2: 6:25

Well, or you could be like in the backyard playing like with the dart game or something, yeah but but I don't want you to get so hung up on like, oh, we have to do this activity and these activities and these things that we have connected over. My family has changed right, yeah, what? What it looked like when we had toddlers and preschoolers is different now. This is one of my favorite things that we do as a family. We are super into Marvel movies.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Yes and so when a new Marvel movie comes out we go see it. I'm usually like premiere day is like technically Friday, so we go see like a really really late night, thursday night, preview or preview of the movie at like 10, 10, 30. It is exhausting.

Speaker 2: 7:10

Do what I'm like why do we do this? But it's so fun because all six of us go, we enjoy it and and, and then we're just exhausted the next day. But so I mean, that's that's something like I think about. But here are some other things that are more like day to day, right, like we don't go to the movies every single day, but every single day you can use your words to tell your children that you love them and that's that I love you may come super, super natural to you.

Speaker 2: 7:42

But there are other ways to convey love, and so that might sound like I'm so glad you're my daughter.

Speaker 1: 7:49

Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2: 7:50

I enjoy spending time with you.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Do you know? I have a cheat sheet of this yeah, true story and actually we'll put it on our website so friends can get it. But I literally have a cheat sheet. So when I am trying to be intentional about connecting with my family, I think people I say I love you all the time, I hug them all the time because that's what I want for them, but it's not always. Maybe I need to get a little more, you know, in my repertoire needs. So anyway, I have a cheat sheet so that I'm not always saying the same thing over and over.

Speaker 2: 8:19

Yeah yeah, so you can. You can use your words in a positive way, and another way to do that is to point out and compliment the good, and this was something that I really the cheat sheet covers this too and it was invaluable for me because there was definitely a period of time where it felt like all I was doing was correcting my kids.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:44

Or breaking up arguments or, you know, teaching. You're just constantly like do this is how you wash dishes, this is how you clean your room, and you're you're just constantly critiquing and correcting and so making a point to say something positive and really looking for the good. That is something that really helps build connection because it feels good. Well get this.

Speaker 1: 9:09

Here's the thing about the looking for the good thing that I think people don't realize. Kids want to please their parents or the parenting adults and so in their brain when a parent says you did great, in whatever area that is, their brain actually releases hormones that then connect them with that good action and the good feeling they get from the parent. What's crazy? What I always think is crazy about this is sometimes we think, oh well, well, if I just tell them they're doing good, they'll do more of that and that's why I do it. Well, yeah, it's because their brain you're cooperating with their brain Right To really using their brain against them, and I think that that is really important for parenting adults to know you're not just doing it to be frivolous or to like add extra words. You're saying you did this thing, I am pleased with it. You get a good feeling that I am pleased you do it more often.

Speaker 2: 10:06

Absolutely Tricky, absolutely Tricky. Don't tell our kids. Don't tell our kids. Another thing that's really important is spending one on one time with your children. So one adult and one kid and gosh, we're going to have a whole episode on this.

Speaker 1: 10:27

We need a whole episode on this.

Speaker 2: 10:30

So impactful.

Speaker 1: 10:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:31

So I'm just gonna drop that there. And then another thing, and and you might be thinking, gosh, I do a lot of this stuff. Well, give yourself a pat on the back.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Yeah, seriously, because that's going great job.

Speaker 2: 10:44

Also eating meals together at least three times a week and, depending on your schedule, this may be dinner, it could be breakfast. It'd be breakfast brunch, it doesn't matter what you call it, but spending meals together, enjoying each other's company. There was actually a study on this.

Speaker 1: 11:02

This is awesome.

Speaker 2: 11:03

This is where I throw it to Ian to laugh. Okay, I'll take it here's the thing.

Speaker 1: 11:06

Okay, so what we know, and then I'll tell you a funny personal story. So what we know is that when kids eat dinner together I think it's like three to five times a week, something like that with their families. Of course, it can be any meal. The point is that you're sitting down eating with them, that those particular kids are more likely to grow up with healthy behaviors Into their adult years. You see a lot of good outcomes. Here's the thing, though, is that it doesn't matter what they're eating. It doesn't matter if it's peanut butter and jelly or you're like making this gourmet meal. It's that you're sitting together as a family and eating, and that you're not Talking about what they did wrong, you're not criticizing. It's a pleasant family meal, and so here's my story.

Speaker 1: 11:52

Obviously, I'm traveling, and so if I travel for work which I would guess I'm gonna guess that I probably travel probably 1215 weeks out of the year. So I'm traveling for work I was missing out on those family dinners. So you know what I started doing. I took my own family parenting advice, and I now, wherever I go, I have one meal a day with my family. So either so from a different time zone, maybe it's breakfast for me and lunch for them, or vice versa, or it's dinner for them and a midnight snack for me, or whatever you know later in the day snack for me, and but I I make it a point at least a few times during the week that I'm gone to actually eat with them.

Speaker 2: 12:36

Now that you have zoom, you can do that anywhere. Yeah, absolutely. And another way is through weekly family meetings. I think we will also cover this at some point. But really this is a great time to keep everybody up to date on activities schedules and then have also, like, leave time for your kids to bring up things Maybe they want to discuss, I think, allowing them to kind of take part in that and maybe even lead something, maybe they get to share their activities or things that they want to do.

Speaker 2: 13:11

or maybe they might say hey mom, when can we schedule a movie date, or when can we schedule whatever?

Speaker 1: 13:18

Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2: 13:19

That's definitely a great way to help connect. And then also we kind of covered this already but of course, like finding things that you enjoy doing together.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Yes, as a family this is hard because, like, one of our kids loves video games and I not so much.

Speaker 2: 13:33

Right, right, but you can watch.

Speaker 1: 13:36

I do, yep, I do.

Speaker 2: 13:37

Encourage and cheer on. But yeah, this also reminds me of something that we kind of do beyond our immediate family, but as an extended family with my parents, when survivor is on we actually drive over to their house every Wednesday to watch survivor together. Oh, that's fun, so like find those things that you enjoy. Yeah, again, it doesn't. You could hate survivor, it's okay.

Speaker 1: 14:00

We had a dad in our class one time who he kept saying I can't remember exactly what the activity was that his kids wanted to do, some kind of game, it was really a name. But he said I just don't like to do it. I just don't want to do it. And I said would you try it? You know, it was some game they wanted to teach him or some kind of a board game or something. And I said would you try it and let them teach you? So he agreed to do it and he comes back the next week and it really isn't that much time.

Speaker 1: 14:27

We set a cap on time. So you know, especially if you're doing one on one time, there should not, it should not be six hours of time, it's just like 20 minutes. But we set a cap on the time and the guy comes back the next week and he said it is shocking how life changing that was. He said the amount of the connection that we had and it was a very short amount of time. He did not master the game, but his kids, because he agreed to do it. His kids were so excited.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:55

And that's really part of that building connection.

Speaker 2: 14:57

Absolutely, absolutely. Find stuff, explore Like, try things, and if you, you might all decide that you made it and guess what? You just bonded over that.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Yes.

Speaker 2: 15:07

So it really is worth giving that time Also talking to each other about your dreams, your goals, asking each other how can we support? I think communication and opportunities for communication are so important, but you want to remember to invite communication, don't force it. Yeah, I like that Another thing is fun. Family traditions are customs and I think I remember when, when going through strengthening families or as a family coach, seeing this and thinking we have no traditions, like I just thought, like we, our family is you literally just talk about them.

Speaker 2: 15:42

And then I was like, okay, so I'm not be like amazing crafty Pinterest mom, and if you are, god bless you, god bless you. But, like, our traditions are very, very simple. It's your birthday, you get to pick what you want for dinner, you get to pick what you want for dessert and if, if I'm having a good day, you will wake up with decorations. Half of them might have fallen down for the night and your birthday presents will be on display right, and your cards or whatever, and so like it's. That's so simple.

Speaker 1: 16:11

We have one, you can do it. We have one, but it means so much right. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:15

It's no, it. And then now they expect it and it just it makes them feel special.

Speaker 1: 16:19

We had one parent in our class who built, oh you, the kid opened the bedroom door and they had built a laser field using, um, what it like, streamers, you know. And so then the kid had to, like, climb through the streamers like mission impossible.

Speaker 2: 16:35

Yeah, like mission impossible.

Speaker 1: 16:35

And they had built that overnight and that was where I got that, when I had read that expression. I'm not a Pinterest mom, I'm an Amazon prime mom.

Speaker 2: 16:42

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the best you're gonna get.

Speaker 1: 16:45

You're. My kid is never gonna get the mission impossible, but I love you.

Speaker 2: 16:49

Yes, so your traditions and your customs might be like for holidays, for birthdays, but they could even be like a weekly thing, like oh, we do pancakes. Yeah, Once a week.

Speaker 1: 16:59

Saturday morning, if you're at our house, we're watching cartoons and eating pancakes, and 100%, even if the kids are not there.

Speaker 2: 17:06

Okay, see, that is a fun family tradition and so, yeah, I just think that you are probably doing a lot of those things already, and if you're not and you wanna start adding them in and you need to, you're like, how do I do this?

Speaker 1: 17:21

Well, I would start small, Like you could start with compliments. You know what I'm saying, like just this week, say, okay, I'm gonna notice every time they do something great, and then I'm gonna compliment them and I'm gonna say something like I loved how you made your bed without me even mentioning it, or I love that you were ready for school on time, or I saw that you shared with your sister, shared your toys with your sister, great job. I mean, just you start small and I would even keep like a little checklist so that I could say complimented, complimented, complimented.

Speaker 2: 17:50

Yeah, yeah, that's so good, that's so good, and I think also, you're giving an example to your kids on how they should talk to each other and to you.

Speaker 1: 17:59

Everybody wants to feel appreciated.

Speaker 2: 18:01

Everybody wants to feel loved and safe, and so these are things that are gonna benefit our kids, and they also benefit us too.

Speaker 1: 18:07

Yes, yes, yeah. I think this is all about being strategic. Sit down this week. We'll put some of these things on Instagram.

Speaker 2: 18:15

So I just want you to remember, as you are navigating some new things, just know that it's a process and it's okay. Make sure that you give yourself a bit of grace. You might have a really great day where you complimented everybody and then the next day you might have done the opposite.

Speaker 1: 18:31

Right.

Speaker 2: 18:33

It's okay, that's how.

Speaker 1: 18:34

I learned.

Speaker 2: 18:35

It's literally okay. We are all in this together, and we have been there.

Speaker 1: 18:40

Yes, 100%, and we just want to remind you this is something that you're gonna have to nurture repeatedly. You're gonna have to start and you're gonna have to start again, but just continue to pick at least one new connection activity, and the more you pick the right ones, the more connected our kids feel. And don't if you're thinking gosh, okay, wow, they feel connected, but I'm just so worried about my kid talking back.

Speaker 2: 19:05

We'll get to that too. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. We just want you to leave this episode feeling proud of how well you are already doing and encouraged to continue to build that connection and add in these new ways that maybe you haven't included yet. In our next episode, we're gonna talk about boundaries, but if you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a Firestar review and share it with a friend. We'd also like to hear your thoughts on today's topic. You can join the conversation on our Instagram. Hopefully that's good enough time.