Breaking Bread, Building Bonds: The Power of Family Meals

Join Angela and Anna in this warm and insightful episode of Good Friends; Strong Families, where they share the secrets to building a close-knit family. They explore the simple joys that bring us together, like mealtime chats, family game nights, and even the quiet moments that might seem small but add up to a lifetime of memories. It's not just about what we do together, but how we make each other feel—valued, understood, and part of a team.

Our hosts, two seasoned parents and family coaches, open up about their own experiences. They give you the inside scoop on how to make every family member feel important, from the little ones just starting to talk to the teens navigating their independence. They believe that being there for each other—in good times and tough ones—is what family is all about.

Angela and Anna don't just talk the talk; they walk you through easy-to-apply steps that can make your family feel more connected starting today. This episode isn’t about grand gestures; it's about the small, everyday actions that show we care. So whether you're trying to get everyone to open up more, or you're looking for ways to show your kids they're loved, tune in and discover how to make your family ties stronger and your home the heartwarming place everyone wants to be. Here are 20 questions designed to get families with kids of all ages talking, sharing, and laughing together:

1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
2. What was the best part of your day today?
3. If you could be any animal for a day, which one would you choose and why?
4. What is one thing you did today to help someone else?
5. Where would you go if you could travel anywhere in the world?
6. What have you always wanted to learn how to do?
7. What was the funniest thing that happened to you this week?
8. If you could meet any fictional character, who would it be and why?
9. What is one goal for the next week/month/year?
10. What is your favorite family tradition and why?
11. If you could invent something that would make life easier, what would it be?
12. What are you most grateful for right now and why?
13. What’s the best book you’ve read or movie you’ve seen this year?
14. If you had a theme song that played every time you walked into a room, what would it be?
15. What’s something new you’d like to try, and what’s holding you back?
16. Who is someone you look up to and why?
17. What’s one thing you love about the person sitting to your right?
18. If you could change one rule we have as a family, what would it be and why?
19. What’s the most interesting fact you know?
20. If we could have any real or mythical animal as a family pet, what should it be and why?

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Hello and welcome to Good Friend, strong Families, the podcast where every episode equips you with a new skill, surrounds you with support and provides actionable steps you can immediately implement in your family life. I'm Angela and I'm joined by my co-host, anna. In today's episode, we'll delve into the heart of family dinners. I like this, taking them from mundane to magical. It's really funny because if you've ever eaten my cooking, you would never call it magic. I like need magic to make them magical. Okay, in any case, today we're going to talk about how to infuse them with meaning. Here's the thing about family dinners we want to spark them with rich conversation. This gives us an opportunity to strengthen our ties as a family, really bind us together so that we're really well equipped. So we're going to break down today the what, the why, the how, so that at the end of today, you're going to be really ready to nurture those tightly knit families using something we do every day, which is eat.

Speaker 2: 1:17

Yes, I feel like people I don't know. I guess, did you grow up with family dinners?

Speaker 1: 1:23

We did have family dinners on Sundays, I think, and I do remember my parents were divorced and so my mom did one kind of thing and my dad did another kind of thing, so we did go eat a lot of TV dinners.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Actful TV dinners or TV or wealth.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Both, both. It's funny because I have friends that would be like, oh my gosh, I really wish I had a TV dinner.

Speaker 2: 1:47

I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids. One of the nasty little brownie.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Okay, strangely, what I love. This is super weird and I'm so sorry I'm admitting this out loud. My favorite TV dinner was the Salisbury steak, which was like it's probably like a burger patty with like a brown sauce on it. It was my favorite, yeah, and we definitely ate them on actual metal TV trays in front of the TV. That's awesome, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:18

So was it like a thing for yourself? Everybody went like you made it yourself when you were ready, or were you all together?

Speaker 1: 2:25

No, no, no, we were rarely all together. We were super loud, so you knew there was food and you would just go in there and figure out that you had Sunday dinners. You said yeah, we did Like at my dad's house. My dad and stepmom always made a Sunday dinner, so that was nice and my mom did cook. My mom was, she did some cooking and so she would like leave leftovers, kind of thing. She worked a lot. We literally were home alone most of our growing up place.

Speaker 2: 2:52

I definitely remember family dinners. I don't obviously like, as we got older, sports work. We weren't always there, but my mom definitely cooked the majority of the time, especially like when, you know, when I was younger, growing up and stuff, and so I like I can literally picture our house and our little circular table and I can picture, like the common dinners you know that kind of thing, yeah, but that's kind of old fashioned even now right.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Like I don't really remember anything beyond like a remember, like conversation my dad probably had, like sports on in the background oh yeah, you know that kind of thing, and so I could see that. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that we want to take that. Whatever you started with, whatever was your normal whether society calls it normal or not, that's irrelevant your normal growing up, and then look at your normal now as a family and then, like you said, we want to take it from Monday into magical. So how can we take what we've experienced or what we're currently experiencing and improve upon it? And so what makes you got food in your body? What makes that different than having a quote family dinner meal? What makes that magical? How do we make it magical?

Speaker 1: 4:28

And I think this is a really good conversation because we think about what's the big deal of family dinners.

Speaker 1: 4:33

I always remember when I first started working in prevention, this was like a revolutionary. I remember when the research came out about how to have, how to have family dinners that would impact your kids, and there was this big research study and basically what they said is like if you eat five times or more a week, they could measure that families that did that eat dinner together five times a more week that their kids were more likely to come out with like those really strong healthy attributes you know less likely to engage in risky behaviors, more likely to do well in school, blah, blah, blah. And it's such a weird thing because this is so. It's basic right, like right, are we eating or are we not? But there were definitely some key things. Like you definitely didn't have to be like fancy meals, like sitting around a circle table, but it was like being together, focused only on one another, and like being in a time where you are together and make this a thing right, right.

Speaker 2: 5:37

So, like you, growing up, you ate whenever you were home and whenever you could.

Speaker 2: 5:42

Siblings probably did the same thing, your mom probably did the same thing. I remember, oh, dinner is ready, coming downstairs, but I don't remember beyond that and so, or like I remember the TV being on or whatever, and and nowadays, the biggest obstacle, aside from oh my God, right, whatever, but it's probably technology everybody's got a phone or some sort of device that they are constantly on, and so that is probably one of the biggest keys that we would like really, really encourage. I remember a couple years ago Gosh, within the last five years, because it was actually moved to our current house and we went to a local like neighborhood restaurant and they were doing a challenge. I think they called it like the red basket challenge and it was like if everybody you had to agree to it, like they didn't force this upon you, but they put a red basket in the middle of table and they said, okay, everybody puts their cell phone in the basket and nobody touches it. You get like a free cookie or free dessert.

Speaker 1: 6:45

Oh, I like that.

Speaker 2: 6:46

And I'm sure, like I mean, think about it, how many times do you sit in a restaurant and like you're like there with people, right, like I think that's like one of the biggest things, like with connection, and like you're, you're like I'm always with my family or I see my family every day, but just like seeing them isn't the same as connecting to that, and so like you could be at the table with everybody in your family, but you're not necessarily connecting just because you're sharing a meal. Really it's like the community.

Speaker 1: 7:16

Right.

Speaker 2: 7:17

It's like we're communing with one another. We're sharing our time, we're sharing our day, we're sharing our lives, we're sharing a meal and, like, the meal can really be the catalyst, right yeah, and so I love the like study that we've we've learned about over the years. Do you want to talk more about that?

Speaker 1: 7:35

Yeah, I like this study. So they did this study about what made people happy and basically what they did was they took 1000 volunteers and they had to wear pagers remember those? But they had to wear pagers and when the pager buzzed they had to record what they were doing and then say like on a level I don't know exactly what it was, but like, how happy are you? And it turned out that people that at the time it buzzed, if they were eating a meal together with family or friends, they actually recorded themselves as being the most happy of all the other times that they got buzzed.

Speaker 2: 8:12

Yeah, I love that. It's a big deal, yeah, and like I mean, I think, like just think, I don't know, maybe you have more memories of like holidays or like especially occasions, but like we have the opportunity, oh my gosh every day. Actually more than once a day, depending on what your age, your children's and your lifestyle is right. Yeah yeah, and then obviously we have, but we have the opportunity so many times daily or weekly to Do something where we're connecting with our families and it's making them happier.

Speaker 2: 8:44

Yeah like that, can that, like that's huge. And we have so many times like people say, like what do you want for your kids? I don't know. Like I want my kid to be happy. What do you want your kids to be when they grow up? Happy, happy, right.

Speaker 1: 8:58

Can you do that dinner together?

Speaker 2: 9:00

and we can eat dinner together. We can. Maybe you need to implement the red basket challenge, right? Maybe we need to say like, hey, we know we haven't really been doing this, but like we want to, we want to connect with you. What you've been at school, we've been at work, um, whatever the case may be, and like you said, like yes, ideally we would do this every day or five days a week, but like, if that's not where you're at, like, look at your schedule, look at your life and say, like when can we do this? When can we make this a priority? Maybe it is only Sunday meet, sunday dinners right there, saturday breakfast yeah, maybe it's whatever. Like after school snack, like whenever you have that time. And if one of your family members can't be there, like don't throw it away, don't say like, oh well, we can't all be here. Like no, like, make it, make it something that, like they want to be there for.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Okay, and I'm also going to say so. I'm thinking about like feasibility, right? So we're also family coaches and so we're also parents and we get like having teenagers. They're going to be like, oh heck, no, you know what I mean like. So I think the other thing to remind our friends is that this is not going to be met with like they're not going to be throwing flowers and dancing around, that we decided to do this and so there are going to be these changes, that we know, that we're making them and they are Going to strengthen our family, but sometimes it means that we have to be brave and push through. When they push back. Yeah, so sometimes it's not just about like here's the red basket, it's a challenge, it's also, it also can turn into a rule.

Speaker 2: 10:29

Right and start with like if you need to incentivize, go ahead and incentivize. Um, but include your kids again, like based on the ages, but like ask them what they would like. When was the last time you asked your kid what they want for dinner? If that's not something that you normally do, I'm gonna bring it to the table. I know it's been a long time since I've had time to cook, but like I really want to like Share a meal with you, what would you like me?

Speaker 1: 10:51

to make. Literally, my kids would be like don't cook.

Speaker 2: 10:55

Okay, what? What do you want to learn how to cook? Oh, that's when you're out on your own. I have three teenagers, and so that's kind of. That's kind of where I'm at. I'm like, hey, if and when you move out someday, someday, you're gonna want to be able to cook for yourself. It's kind of fun, okay, so let's make that, yeah that's like a little added. Or do, if they're really committed to like they don't like not having their phone, like say okay, well, we're gonna do like a challenge, can you?

Speaker 1: 11:21

can you put it aside for a meal, yeah, and then We'll go out for ice cream or we'll make cookies or whatever, but like find something To draw them in and also kind of put your foot down, okay now I'm gonna, I'm gonna up the ante here, because one of the things that happens and I know you and I both know this every family is gonna say that's true, we talk about this a lot, like our kids don't necessarily know how to have good conversations and we forget how, like I remember that was your day, good, you know, and so so we do. There is something that we actually, um, I'll often talk about, which we call a conversation jar. Yeah, have you guys done that?

Speaker 2: 12:06

So you, you build this started, yeah, and it wasn't that like we didn't eat together, but we definitely were probably like filled with distractions, whether it was the tv or I don't know, phones, whatever right, like um. So we definitely it was like that awkward. Like you, I mean parents who know like your kids go home from school and you go, what'd you learn today? And they're like nothing, you know How's class. Fine, so we get that like you kind of have to break through that and like now, um, we don't really need it. Now I'm kind of like, okay, like have we gotten complacent? But okay, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Speaker 2: 12:42

So the conversation jar like if you're trying to implement this new found thing family dinners and you want it to be meaningful, a conversation jar, depending on your kids you can get. Let them be creative, you can let them paint, decorate whatever container, right, we do have a resource with some conversation starters, so like some list of questions, and you can print that out and then cut it up and you have these little slips, and so my youngest was definitely loved pulling this, pulling the slip and asking the question, and so it was really fun and, depending on my husband's work schedule, he wasn't always there, but sometimes it was like a question just for the parents, or sometimes it was a question just for the kids. Sometimes it was a question for anybody, so it could be like what's your favorite dessert? What's your favorite food? What did you want to be when you were a kid?

Speaker 1: 13:35

My favorite question was in the story of your life, who would play you in the movie? I was like I was really good at it. But I mean honestly, even if you don't get our research, you can Google, you know. Change.

Speaker 2: 13:49

So essentially and you could do this a number of different ways depending on, like, how many slips you've got started with and how many kids you have and how if it really does take the conversation and get it going, you could do like one slip per meal and your kids can take turns. They could. You could let them each pull a slip every meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a little bit up to you, but it's just an idea that it really can kind of start the conversation. If that's something that you're struggling with and I think sometimes, like we don't want to grill or we don't want to ask those questions where we're getting one word answers. We want a conversation and we want them to like ask us questions and we want it. We don't want it to feel like an interrogation, we want it to be a conversation.

Speaker 1: 14:33

Yes, and in the beginning I think that's I know I keep driving this fun home In the beginning they're not going to be. Some kids, especially kids that have been like they're dying to be like dooming bloom here, right, but sometimes they're going to be like, oh my gosh, this is the best day of my life. Are you kidding? My mother's looking at me and asking me these questions. I've been waiting all along. But we also know that when we've struggled we've had to push through some of the OK, in particular for our kids, because you and I have both family coaches, so we also coach other families and we do the different strategies. And so sometimes our kids would be like, oh, thanks a lot for bringing the conversation jar back or whatever that skill is Like. Would you just read that in the curriculum?

Speaker 2: 15:15

again. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 15:17

And so it's a little bit harder. But for all of us, just an encouragement that when we think about trying these things. So just let's recap so eat family meals together as often as you can, doesn't matter which one, but get it in there. Try and get five times a week where you're all sitting and look at your schedule.

Speaker 2: 15:36

Look at your schedule I have a plan ahead and say, oh, I see that you've got practice here, so we're going to have to have an early dinner so we can eat together or whatever Like. Look at your schedule and say, OK, we can definitely do it. Monday, Thursday, Saturday.

Speaker 1: 15:50

You know when we used to do sports with the kids. You know what we used to do. We would actually get Because it's like takeout, we're like taking out on the way to the field. If you know what we do. We'd grab a tablecloth, keep it in the park and then we would go to the other side of the park. We'd go early and then we'd sit for our family dinner for 20, 25 minutes while we're eating our takeout. I mean, you just do this everywhere.

Speaker 2: 16:10

Yeah, I mean obviously, if that night doesn't call for a home cooked meal, that doesn't mean you throw the whole dinner away. You still use the opportunity to connect.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Dinner's five times or meals five times a week. Get rid of those distract.

Speaker 2: 16:28

Whatever your distractions are for your family, get rid of the phones. Get rid of them. Make eye contact.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Talk. And then the third one is do some kind of an activity Conversation jar, start chatting. Whatever you know, one of the ones that we've done is like pluses and wishes, like this is this was the great thing that happened today. I wish this had happened today.

Speaker 2: 16:50

I know some people will do like high, low, like what was your the high of your day? What was the low of your day? Yes, exactly, there's another one too, but I can't. It's thorns and Thorns and roses or something like that.

Speaker 1: 17:00

Yeah, so all those are the same ideas, but then the final thing, friends, we just want to leave you with this is have grace for yourselves 100% If you give them the end of the week and you're like, and we do, then you know what that's once more than you couldn't.

Speaker 1: 17:13

Then you didn't do it the week before, so so stay tuned for our next episode. Thank you so much for doing this with us today. We're actually, if you loved today's episode, if you got some really great things out of today's episode, if you would kindly leave a five star review and share it with others. We'd also like to hear your thoughts on today's topic. You can join our conversation on our Instagram Also. You can leave a comment on our website or our Facebook. Thank you everyone. Thank you for joining us and thank you, anna, for hanging out with us and sharing all your great secrets. If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a five star review and share it with a friend. We'd also love to hear your thoughts on today's topic. Join the conversation on Instagram. Until next time, keep nurturing those family connections and remember you are surrounded by support.