Ep 40 Time is your friend in dating

www.dianebrandonmoody.com/50-places

Transcript

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Diane Brandon Moody: Hey, everybody. It's Diane Brandon, Moody. Again, I'm back again with another episode of 50, something, love, the podcast that talks about dating from the perspective of somebody over 50.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I've talked about this before I got married for the 1st time at 58. Met my husband at age 57, on Craigslist personals back when they had that. They don't even have it anymore. But

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Diane Brandon Moody: I have learned because I've dated since I was 16 up until I was 58.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Trust me, I have learned all the dating rules, and it wasn't until about 3 months before I met my husband that I really started acting like a grown-up.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yeah, I can admit it. But you know we all tell each other all these secrets and all these lies about dating, and how to make dating better. And blah blah, and I'm telling you

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Diane Brandon Moody: a lot of it is just nothing but trying to protect yourself from hurt.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I said that in the last episode, and I'm saying it again. This is this is the truth that we create a lot of dating rules

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Diane Brandon Moody: in our own minds, because we think they're going to protect us from getting hurt.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Nothing protects you from getting hurt in dating. Nothing does. You're going to get hurt. Someday, that's just the way it is, and you can decide that you really don't want to be hurt and decide. It's not personal, and that's the even best situation that you just say whatever he said. It's not personal. He doesn't know me, so

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Diane Brandon Moody: don't listen to it. That's the only way you avoid being hurt in dating is, if you decide it isn't really about you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: which is true. It isn't. It's about somebody else's. When somebody else projects onto you their own feelings and and the way they're thinking, and all of that about dating.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So

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Diane Brandon Moody: today's topic, time is your friend. Time is your friend. When you're dating. There is a myth out there, mostly among women.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and I don't even think it's a myth as much as it's just.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's a way of thinking and feeling that goes back to Cavewen days. We needed to be protected back in those days, you know, a gang of cave people from the next cave is going to come over and kidnap us. If we didn't have a big, strong protector we were going to die of starvation. If we didn't have a big, strong hunter we could

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Diane Brandon Moody: die from the elements if we weren't having somebody to protect us in that way, especially when having children. So our need to be protected goes back millennia.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and the way protection kind of translates into a current female brain is

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Diane Brandon Moody: through the fairy story, fairy tales, fairy tales. That's what I'm trying to say. The fairy tales that we grew up with snow white and Cinderella and Rapunzel, and all these princesses, all they had to do was to see their prince, and the Prince would kiss her and Ta-da, they're married, and happily ever after.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and it was so quick.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, you notice that all those stories end

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Diane Brandon Moody: right after the happily ever after, right? Because they don't go into what happens into the ever after.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I remember an old Carol Burnett skit that was about

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Diane Brandon Moody: I don't know. Was it Snow White? It was some princess and the Prince, and it was like 30 years after they got married.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and they were fighting in this. It was really funny. It was they were fighting, and of course they didn't look like they originally did, and griping with each other. It was very funny, but it was funny, because everybody kind of remembers

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Diane Brandon Moody: the fairy tales. If you're with the right person, it should be so easy, and it will be so easy from the beginning to the end. That isn't true. It just isn't true, because, especially if you're over 50,

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Diane Brandon Moody: you're going to come into the dating world with your own already.

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Diane Brandon Moody: beliefs, your own thoughts, your own hurts, your own background, your your marriage that didn't work, or your dating situation that didn't work. You're probably going to translate and translate that into all. Men are bad, or all women are only after your money, after one experience, or something like that those are the popular terms these days.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and instead, what I'm saying, instead of getting hurt over all this stuff instead, take your time.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Take your time getting to know somebody.

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Diane Brandon Moody: One quick coffee, look up and down, meet and greet

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Diane Brandon Moody: is not not not good for either one of you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: because a lot of people don't hit it off in the 1st 10 min. This is so ludicrous again. This is a rule that you're creating to make yourself feel safe, and that gives you the power to reject a bunch of people, and that power, if you get to reject him 1st that feels so powerful and so strong. And so

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Diane Brandon Moody: it's so ludicrous it's just dumb. Don't do a meet and greet. There's nothing romantic about a meet and greet at all. But take your time getting to know somebody. I always advise 2 or 3 dates, unless somebody is just absolutely horrible.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and you can define horrible.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But in my mind it would be like, you know.

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Diane Brandon Moody: somebody trying to cheat the server or somebody

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Diane Brandon Moody: just being an absolute nightmare to listen to for the whole 2 h, or whatever it is.

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Diane Brandon Moody: then I think you need to give it 2 or 3 dates. If the end of 3 dates, then it becomes not good to

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Diane Brandon Moody: string somebody along that isn't super helpful, but

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Diane Brandon Moody: you can let it go a couple of dates without it being any kind of manipulation or anything like that.

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Diane Brandon Moody: so I highly recommend that you give it time, and then, once you start dating each other, you owe it to yourself to give it at least a year. I don't care how good it feels.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You should give yourself at least a year of getting to know that person, and maybe even a little bit longer. What are they like when they're sick?

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Diane Brandon Moody: What are they like on a driving vacation?

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Diane Brandon Moody: What are they like

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Diane Brandon Moody: when something bad happens like they get fired from their job or they lose their job in some other way, or

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Diane Brandon Moody: or somebody dies in their family. What are they like on that? Can they manage life.

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Diane Brandon Moody: or do they just absolutely fall to pieces.

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Diane Brandon Moody: These are reasons why you take your time to get to know people, because you just don't know what they're going to be like

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Diane Brandon Moody: almost every scam thing that happens in person happens because somebody didn't give it enough time to get to know the other person. They get swept off their feet.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And men are women because there are black widow women out there. They get swept off their feet

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Diane Brandon Moody: and not using their brain anymore. And their conscious, thinking brain. They're not using that. They're just feeling good in the moment and decide they're going to feel good forever.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So please please take your time when you're getting to know somebody.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I don't think you know somebody at all until after a year.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and then it might take a little longer than that who knows?

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Diane Brandon Moody: So that is today's rant. Taking your time. You need to take your time. You need to be realistic, not looking like a Disney princess, not expecting to have happily ever after, because life continues to happen, it can be good, it can be really good. It can be really, really great.

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Diane Brandon Moody: but to expect it. To be perfect is just silly.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So that's today, like I said, that's today, take your time. Don't let anybody talk you into anything different.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's today's 57. I

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Diane Brandon Moody: I can't even talk today. That's today's 50, something love and thank you for joining me again.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I'm happy to have you. Please remember to get my free document 50 places to meet people over 50. If you're interested at diannebrandedmody.com, I think you will be. It's fun and interesting, and you may not want to do everything that's on that list, but I can guarantee you'd love to do some of them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and you might have fun in the process. Who knew dating could be fun.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yay, anyway, happy to be with you again.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and I will be talking to you soon.