Ep 41: The Snark Episode

www.dianebrandonmoody.com/50-places

Transcript

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Diane Brandon Moody: Hi, it's Diane Brandon, Moody. And I'm back with another episode of 50, something love, the podcast. For people who are dating over the age of 50.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So today's episode may come off as a little bit of a snarky one. But it's kind of not intended to be that way.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Here's when I think that you should put up with something you're uncomfortable with, and when you should just walk away.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So I know that sounds leading. Somebody's going to say, well, you should never put up with something uncomfortable. I'm not talking dangerous. I'm just talking uncomfortable.

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Diane Brandon Moody: dangerous. Yes, you should always walk away or run away, but I'm talking not dangerous.

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Diane Brandon Moody: so I can't tell you how many times when I was dating that I would show up at my date, and

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Diane Brandon Moody: I wouldn't even know the person who that person is. The pictures were 1020 years old didn't look like them at all. They had gained a lot of weight, or lost a lot of hair, or whatever, and didn't look like they were at who they said they were at all.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I think some of them were a little delusional because they acted like you know I was. I was the bitch for saying, you know your picture isn't very recent, but

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Diane Brandon Moody: what I wished I'd done back then, and what I am giving all of you full permission to do

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Diane Brandon Moody: is if somebody doesn't look like their picture meaning the picture

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Diane Brandon Moody: was taken before a significant change, or it's older than a year.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You have my full permission to just

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Diane Brandon Moody: be polite about it, but shake their hand and say thank you, but I think I'll pass. Wish you the best of luck.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's going to sound a little bit snarky to a lot of people who would

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Diane Brandon Moody: tell you to, you know. Just smile and be nice to the date women in particular. We've put up with a lot of smiling and a lot of putting up with

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Diane Brandon Moody: absolute, ridiculous behavior through a date. And I'm telling you, don't do that anymore. Don't do it. If I here's what grownups do.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Grown-ups set a date and a time for the date they set the place.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's confirmed the day before.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and if it's not confirmed, you have my full permission to just not go. Whose job is this? The man or the woman's? It's whoever asked the person out.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you're the person who asked out someone for dinner

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Diane Brandon Moody: or coffee even. You've asked them out to one or the other. Then it's on you to discuss these 3 things

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Diane Brandon Moody: where, when, and confirm, and then the one more that I would add to that is, who's paying.

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Diane Brandon Moody: This is, we're grownups people. We can discuss this like grownups.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I think it's perfectly acceptable. I don't care who pays for dates. I don't care if the guy pays. I don't care if the woman pays. I don't care if they split it. It doesn't matter to me. I think it's more romantic when the guy pays for the woman that my husband always did. In fact, he was kind of

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Diane Brandon Moody: hurt if I even offered like I was somehow saying he doesn't have enough money to pay for dinner or something, and where I was just doing it to be nice, I at least to offer, because I enjoyed being paid for. I loved it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But that isn't everybody's experience, and it's not a rule. In my opinion, it's not a dating rule. We're all adults. And you guys can figure this out as you go along. So again, you should know where you should know when it should be confirmed, and you should have an adult conversation over who's paying

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Diane Brandon Moody: meaning, especially if you're the guy, and you intend on it being 50 50,

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Diane Brandon Moody: or you believe, since she asked you out that she should pay

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Diane Brandon Moody: all that needs to be discussed, because that's a little bit out of the norm. It's not that big of a deal anymore. It would have been a big deal 30 years ago, but not a big deal now.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But again, if it's not a big deal and you have convictions, why don't you just

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Diane Brandon Moody: mention them? Why don't you just talk about it?

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Diane Brandon Moody: It doesn't hurt to talk about it. And that way, if you're a woman who absolutely only wants to be with a guy who pays.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I mean, you can have that desire if you want to. You may be missing out on some really good guys, but you'll know ahead of time, and then you're not wasting each other's time, and you don't have to get into any kind of a huff over it. Nobody has to get into any kind of a huff.

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Diane Brandon Moody: so

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Diane Brandon Moody: the whole paying thing again. I don't care who pays. It doesn't matter who pays, but have that discussion ahead of time along with where, when, and it needs to be confirmed.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It should be confirmed the day before, if it's not confirmed the day before. Absolutely by noon that day.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you're one of those guys who's going to say, I like to keep it loosey goosey, you're going to miss out on a lot because

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Diane Brandon Moody: you're wasting my time. I don't know if you're going to be there if I show up.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and I don't want to waste my time. So you should really just, you know, have your rules

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Diane Brandon Moody: if you want.

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Diane Brandon Moody: but talk about it in advance. Be grownups. Let's all be grownups when we're dating. Won't that be a big surprise for a lot of people?

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Diane Brandon Moody: So again, that is today's topic is getting up and leaving.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If somebody doesn't look like who they said they look like

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Diane Brandon Moody: if they are considerably different from what they portrayed themselves as and this isn't working for you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Be nice about it. You can be nice, but you can also get up and leave, and if you don't like the payment arrangements. Then you need to talk about them in advance. So you're not surprised and

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Diane Brandon Moody: just don't suffer in silence through a horrible date anymore. Now I'm talking about the people who are consciously being

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Diane Brandon Moody: not great consciously, in the sense of

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Diane Brandon Moody: maybe if they're just a little awkward with telling a joke or something like that. Give a little grace a little. Grace doesn't hurt anybody but somebody who's deliberately being a bit of an ass.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You don't have to sit through that. Not at all. So don't. That'll save you a lot of time.

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Diane Brandon Moody: In the meantime, thank you for listening to 50. Something love Diane Brandon Moody, your host.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And if you don't have my 50 places to meet people over 50, go to my website, dianebrandonmody.com. It's there. It's free. And I'd really love to meet you so have a great day. Everybody

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Diane Brandon Moody: happy dating.