Ep 53 Listen as my rockstar client "CJ" tells all about my coaching and how it affected her dating life

CJ is a rockstar client! She was my latest 1:1 client and hadn't dated in many years. She was with her husband for quite awhile, but then he died unexpectedly 12 1/2 years ago. It took her awhile to want to date again, which was absolutely understandable. 

But then it wasn't all about her husband dying, it was also about being scared of dating and scared of the unknown.  She saw one too many Nightline episodes about women who never returned from a date.  And she's over 50, so she wondered who would even be interested? (Get to the part where we talk about what I said before she lost a lot of weight.)

We worked together and covered all her fears. 

She's now dating quite a bit - and hasn't even cracked open a dating app yet. 

She's discovering there were men all around her, she just needed to open her eyes. 

This interview is completely raw and unedited. 

If she's helping you  make a decision that dating, let me know! 

Also, it's BLACK FRIDAY SEASON! If you want to know the special I'm offering, send me an email info@dianebrandonmoody.com

50 places to meet high quality men over 50 who want to connect is a great place to connect to Simply Irresistible

Transcript

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Cynthia J.: Okay. Hey there! Today, I'm talking to CJ, who is one of my latest

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Cynthia J.: program graduates, and I'd have to say…

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Diane Brandon Moody: She is a rock star client. She…

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Diane Brandon Moody: this stuff down. She was absolutely great. But before we get into that, CJ, if it's okay with you, I'm going to ask you some questions. Absolutely. So, what was it that made you… like, how long has it been since you've dated?

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Cynthia J.: Well, my husband passed away a little over 12 and a half years ago.

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Cynthia J.: And I hadn't really been dating. I had a short relationship with somebody, but they were out of town, so it was safe.

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Cynthia J.: And, it had been a good…

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Cynthia J.: 6 years since I had had that relationship, and I just wasn't doing anything. I just put my head down and worked. I was working, I had my sister and my brother and my family nearby, and that was it. I was, you know, you blink and years go by.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, was there anything in particular that kept you from dating?

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Cynthia J.: fear, to be honest with you. I…

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Cynthia J.: like a lot of people, I watched, like, 2020, and those exposes of, oh no, you went on a date with somebody, and they chopped you up into little pieces, and yet you survived. And so, it was scaring me. It seemed like it was always popping up in my feed, don't date, because you'll die. And so…

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Cynthia J.: And I was, you know, you get to a certain age, I love the fact that you specialized in women over 50,

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Cynthia J.: And, because nobody talks about us at all. I mean, the Golden Bachelor's a huge hit because, wow, they woke up and found out there are a lot of women and men our age that are interested in, you know, dating and having another life with somebody else.

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Cynthia J.: So, I just got to the point where…

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Cynthia J.: The need for companionship and, to have fun again was greater than my fear.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I can understand that. So, what made you decide to get coaching?

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Cynthia J.: Well, I never in a million years thought I would do that, but I was fortunate enough to take some classes from you and other offerings. My sister and I love the way you break things down, so when you let us know that, hey, I'm gonna go ahead and, go ahead and do

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Cynthia J.: coaching for dating for women of a certain age. And, I jumped on it. It was like, well, if you can break down other things, you're gonna be able to break this down for me.

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Cynthia J.: And I was not disappointed at all.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Oh, that's wonderful. So, how would you say, overall, the coaching program worked for you?

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Cynthia J.: Well, I like the fact it was broken down in manageable portions. You know, I work full-time, and I travel for my work, so I don't have a lot of spare time, and your program allowed me to be able to take it

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Cynthia J.: A step at a time.

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Cynthia J.: The way you were doing it then, it was one-on-one, and, I got a lot of,

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Cynthia J.: come-to-Jesus moments with you, because you would present an idea, and I would go, no! There's no way I can do that! And you would go, yes, you can, let's unpack it, let's find out why you feel that way. So, it forced me to face a lot of the fears, and

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Cynthia J.: some of them are legitimate, and some of them aren't, because we get in our head so easily. So it really made me…

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Cynthia J.: grow up, I guess is the word. And, you know, we're grown adults, but we do act like little children sometimes, especially when fears and change is concerned. So, I was very impressed with the way you laid it out, and you didn't…

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Cynthia J.: make me do anything. It was always up to me whether or not

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Cynthia J.: I was willing to take a risk, or do one of your projects, or, I remember one of them, I'm not going to give away anything, was that I had to flirt

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Cynthia J.: with people, and I was like, what? And so…

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Cynthia J.: And you told us places to try it, like the grocery store and stuff like that. So, I would come back the next time I knew I was gonna have a meeting with you. I was like, I better do my homework. So I'd go to Trader Joe's, and I'd look for some unsuspecting person, and I'd go, hey, and then I'd run.

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Cynthia J.: So, it was… it was a lot of fun to have homework, and to have stuff that I could work on.

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Cynthia J.: And, and not feel like I was alone.

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Diane Brandon Moody: No, you were never alone. And I have to say, I was so impressed with your,

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Diane Brandon Moody: your ability and your decisions to do the homework. There was a little bit of arguing with you occasionally, but most of the time you were pretty, pretty willing to go about it. So, are there any of those come-to-Jesus moments you feel like you can talk about?

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Cynthia J.: Yeah, the whole how you hold yourself.

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Cynthia J.: Because, you taught that, we have to let men know that we're interested, or that we're approachable.

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Cynthia J.: one of my brothers is single, and he tells me horror stories about being kind to a woman in a store, and then she takes his head off, you know? And I was like, really? And I've got friends of mine that are men, and they're like, oh, I'm afraid to, you know, get near a woman right now, because I never know if she's gonna, you know.

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Cynthia J.: Appreciate it or not. And so, you gave me the tools to be able to, hey, well, how am I holding myself? Am I making eye contact? Am I smiling? You know? And something as simple as smiling.

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Cynthia J.: has been a huge thing. And you taught me how to practice, flirting. And you would think, oh, we are women, we know how to flirt. Yeah, when I was 20, I knew how to flirt. But once I got married, it's like.

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Cynthia J.: you don't really need it anymore, you know, or at least you think you don't. And, and I had never planned to be without my husband. He, you know, died suddenly. It was never in the cards for me to be out dating again. So,

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Cynthia J.: I had to learn how to flirt again. And I know a lot of people go, well, oh, you know, it must be easy for you and stuff. Nuh- -

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Cynthia J.: Nope.

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Cynthia J.: I don't care who you are, you can look like a model, or you can look like you hit every branch of the ugly tree. Everything in between.

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Cynthia J.: It's hard to flirt. It really is, unless you know what you're doing, and then you demystify it. And that's what I liked about it, is you demystified it, and you gave me tools to practice.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, I've seen you in action. I think you've learned that lesson pretty well.

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Cynthia J.: You're practicing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You're definitely a killer flirt. I love that. So would you call the whole coaching program successful?

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Cynthia J.: Oh, absolutely. I mean, I joke with people that I went from not dating at all, from 0 to 60, you know? I haven't even been dating 6 months yet.

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Cynthia J.: And I've been able to attract the attention of some really dear people, you know? And get to know them, and just enjoy the whole thing. I mean.

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Cynthia J.: I'm not looking to get married tomorrow.

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Cynthia J.: Because I'm enjoying dating right now.

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Cynthia J.: Maybe in a year, I'll get serious with somebody, but I'm having a lot of fun with the dating, and getting to know people, and experiencing new things. It's been a blast.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's wonderful. Did you have any big aha moments, like something that was completely mystifying you before, and then all of a sudden you went…

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Cynthia J.: Well, okay, I've been on a journey as well, to shed weight. I'm halfway through where I need to be, and I remember at my heaviest, you told me, I will not be the first fat girl, or the last fat girl to get a deed.

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Cynthia J.: And so I was like, oh, okay. Because a lot of times, we think, oh, well, you have to already be at your goal weight. You already have to be this, or have to be that. No.

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Cynthia J.: Not at all. In fact, one of the people that, that I've been seeing said, I knew you when you were at your heaviest, and I still liked you. And I was like, really? So, that even confirmed what you had said, that it's the energy you put out, it's being open, it's loving yourself first.

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Cynthia J.: Which is something that you teach as well. And getting comfortable in your own skin that attracts the men to you.

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Cynthia J.: So…

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Diane Brandon Moody: I have long had a theory that it's not as much what you look like, although everybody has preferences.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You know, everybody has a tall, or a short, or a thin, or a thinner, or blonde, or whatever.

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Cynthia J.: Yeah.

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Diane Brandon Moody: whatever, everybody has some preferences, and that's fine, but I have long believed that men tend to react more to the energy that you're bringing forward, more than

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Diane Brandon Moody: it's the energy that makes you beautiful, in other words. You're probably already beautiful, as you are, you're beautiful, but the energy that you put out, that makes people go, whoa.

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Cynthia J.: True, I mean, I… you taught me just some ways of holding myself and, you know, opening… even right now, I'm, you know, holding myself open.

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Cynthia J.: Was something that I just wasn't doing.

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Cynthia J.: Because I wasn't in the market. I didn't want people to talk to me. I was afraid.

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Cynthia J.: to be talking to people. So I… my energy was down, my shoulders were down, I just wasn't approachable. And when people would flirt with me, even when I was in that state, I'd be shocked. I was like.

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Cynthia J.: who are they talking to? Because you know they're not talking to me, you know?

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Cynthia J.: So, I learned… I just learned so much from… from the way you lay it out. You've demystified it. I guess that's the best way for me to say it. You demystified the whole thing of dating.

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Cynthia J.: And… because, especially in these days and times when you can go down a rabbit hole and watch the most negative things about people going out on a date and disappearing and all this other stuff.

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Cynthia J.: But you even dealt with all that, too. You have a portion where you're like, yeah, this is how you're safe, you know, if you're on the dating apps. This is how you're safe if you're doing this. You don't close your eyes and hope that it's not gonna happen. You give us tools to be safe and to be common sense kind of stuff.

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Cynthia J.: And, yeah, I just can't say enough good things about the fact that you demystified it. I'll use that word over and over again, because the people I've talked to that I've told them, hey, you need to check Diane out, because if you really do want to get back into the dating world, she can help you.

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Cynthia J.: You know? And she can put up with your whiny.

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Cynthia J.: Because I was so whiny and, like, such a crybaby sometimes, I was like, I can't do this, this sucks, you know? Do I have to? Several times, I remember telling you, do I have to?

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Diane Brandon Moody: I think… I think I would call it you were a little resistant in places. I never thought of you as being whiny. You weren't whiny. You were just a little resistant at times, and that's perfectly normal when people are learning a whole new thing.

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Cynthia J.: Yeah. And it is a whole new thing. Something you haven't done in 40 years.

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Cynthia J.: Yeah.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's different now, isn't it?

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Cynthia J.: It's totally different. I mean, oh my goodness, everything's changed, and some for the better, some not, you know? But one thing I've realized, and you did make it very clear, there are good people out there, whether…

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Cynthia J.: you want to be with a man or a woman, it's your choice. There are good people out there, and they're just like you, and they're scared, and they would love to make a connection, you know? And I have no doubt that I will probably be married

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Cynthia J.: You know… not too long from now. Like I said, I'm giving myself a year to enjoy dating.

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Cynthia J.: And meeting people. And you helped me open up the types of people that I would date, as well.

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Cynthia J.: You know? .

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Diane Brandon Moody: Explain that.

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Cynthia J.: Well, because I'm not going to give away all your tips that you taught me, because people need to hire you, but, you've helped me

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Cynthia J.: realized what I was actually looking for, what deal breakers there were for me. Some are non-negotiable, some are negotiable. And then you started questioning, well, do you really want this? Does that mean that you're only gonna date people that are 6'4"?

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Cynthia J.: You know? There might be some sweetheart that's, you know, under 6 feet. And I was like, oh, how could you say that? But you taught me to walk with an open heart.

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Cynthia J.: And because of that, I've met some really sweet people that ordinarily.

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Cynthia J.: wouldn't have data. It's like, sorry, you don't meet this, this, and this, you know? But, by giving them a chance, I've been very pleasantly surprised by how fantastic they are.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Oh, that's amazing. So, if somebody's out there saying.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I want a day… I want to do coaching. No, I don't want to do coaching. I do want to do… I gotta get out of this pattern I'm in. What would you tell them?

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Cynthia J.: Pay your bills, don't steal from your babies to do it, you know, but if you have the resources.

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Cynthia J.: do it. It's one of the best investments you'll make in yourself. I mean, we spend money on some of the stupidest things, we really do. If you stop shopping on Amazon because you're in a bad mood and trying to make yourself feel for 6 months, you know, you'll save a chunk of change, use that instead.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Very true.

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Cynthia J.: to take the course, I realized I'm worth it, because it was a big… it was a big ask. I was just like, what?

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Cynthia J.: You know, I'd never spent that much money on myself. You know, we don't think twice about, for our loved ones, spending that kind of money, or if somebody needs something. Don't think twice about it. For ourselves as women, we have a hard time if it doesn't, you know, sparkle on your fingers,

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Cynthia J.: Spending and investment on ourselves.

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Cynthia J.: Especially into the great unknown.

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Cynthia J.: And the rewards, the dividends that you get back on the investment, I mean…

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Cynthia J.: If you're on the fence, get off the fence. Either decide you're gonna be alone, which is a good choice. I know women that will never date again. They had their great loves. They feel like they're too old to change. I've been told that. I'm too old to change. I don't want anybody in my life that would take up my space.

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Cynthia J.: I wasn't there yet.

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Diane Brandon Moody: legitimate if that is a decision you want to make. I am so okay with that.

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Cynthia J.: Oh, yeah.

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Diane Brandon Moody: A decision rather than a default.

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Cynthia J.: Yes, but if you're not ready to call it quits.

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Cynthia J.: And if you want companionship, or just to feel the thrill of flirting again, you know, and then realizing that you could have a really good match with somebody else out there, then it's worth the investment. It really is. I mean, nothing is 100%.

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Cynthia J.: You know, you don't do the work, because I did the work with you.

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Cynthia J.: I was willing to push myself out of my comfort zone. Some of the asks that you did, I was like, what? It makes no sense, but you're like, just trust me, it builds, it builds. So, and you helped get me out of my own head.

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Cynthia J.: Because you've heard it so many times. That's one of the reasons why you are a good coach. I'm not the first person that's gonna say the same dumb thing that you've heard 10 other people say.

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Cynthia J.: And you…

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Diane Brandon Moody: And usually myself included. I said it a lot to myself.

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Cynthia J.: And I like that, that you… you know where we're coming from, because you didn't get married until you're, what, almost 60? You're 58?

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Diane Brandon Moody: 58, yeah, I dated for over 40 years. Yeah. From the time I was 16 to 58, it was over 40 years, yeah.

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Cynthia J.: So, so you know the dating world. You know, you know.

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Cynthia J.: What there is and what there… and the games, because, you know, people play games as well, and that's okay, because you've given me the power to say, gotta go, you're not mine.

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Cynthia J.: You know, thank you for the cup of coffee, but not today.

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Cynthia J.: So, yeah, just… the investment is worth it. If you're… if you're on the fence.

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Cynthia J.: Like I said, pay your bills.

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Cynthia J.: Know that, you know, know that you're not taking any money from money that needs to be somewhere else, but if you have it, spend it on yourself.

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Cynthia J.: Because you're worth it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You know, it's time to realize you're worth it.

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Cynthia J.: So,

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Cynthia J.: I know I sound like a commercial, but I can't tell you how happy and how… I mean, it's kind of the point where, I think I shared with you, I had to have a no-boys day. I was like, I'm not talking to anybody. I went from not dating at all to going, I have to have a day where I'm not texting or talking to any of the people that are pursuing me, and I'm not. I'm just not going to.

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Cynthia J.: So…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Just for the audience's sake, you went from not having dated in, like, 11 years…

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Cynthia J.: Yep.

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Diane Brandon Moody: To how many guys?

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Cynthia J.: Circling you. There were four. There were four that were interested enough to ask me out and everything else, so…

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Cynthia J.: Yeah, that's a lot.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And for context, you haven't even cracked open a dating app yet.

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Cynthia J.: Not yet, no. I still have the, the phone and everything else that you told me to set up, and I was talking to somebody that I'm seeing, and I said, I have to turn the phone on because I'm supposed to, you know, get on the apps. He goes, you don't need the apps, you have me!

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Cynthia J.: I was like, that's very sweet, but you have to understand, I just want to get over the fear.

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Cynthia J.: And because she gave me all these tools, and she demystified it for me. I just want to do it to check the box and finish the last of my homework. I may not meet anybody on it, and no, I don't need to right now, but I will have done it. That's the whole thing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, and this is… this is so important, because I want to emphasize this for the audience.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You have no idea how many people I talk to who just say there are no men where I am.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yeah. And they could be talking about Dallas-Fort Worth, you know.

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Cynthia J.: the Lord.

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Diane Brandon Moody: band of 8 million people, or they may be talking about, you know, if you're in a farm in Idaho, this might be a little more difficult to navigate, but when you're in a large city, and you're telling me there aren't any men.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I don't believe you. I just don't. So, because you probably would have said the same thing beforehand.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And then when you turned on your light.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're like moths, you know, circling you, or porch light.

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Cynthia J.: It's weird. It is so weird.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're everywhere.

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Cynthia J.: the first person I dated, it's because I told him I'm… I've got a dating coach, and he has just gotten divorced, and I was like, are you on the apps? He goes, yeah. So I was asking him for tips. I said, I have to get on the apps, and so he ended up pursuing me, and he asked me out, and I was like.

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Cynthia J.: what… what? He goes, look, you're not… you haven't even gone on the apps yet, and you're getting your first date. And I was like, okay, but it's because I was talking about the fact I had a dating coach, and I wanted, you know, to get on the apps. So, it's funny, just the things you start talking about, and the fact that you're talking to people in a different way. So…

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's been interesting.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, and I do want to emphasize to everybody that the vast majority of people that are on apps

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Diane Brandon Moody: are good people. They're not the ones that are gonna chop you into little pieces. But when that happens, it gets amplified

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Diane Brandon Moody: so many times that that becomes the big fear, because that's what you hear, and that's what you remember. You don't know that 40% of the relationships going on right now came from dating apps. You're not thinking in terms of that, because you heard about this one big

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Diane Brandon Moody: Bugaboo.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Obviously, I believe in dating safely, because that's a part of it. If you're gonna do it, we need to know how to be safe, and that's a smart thing to do, but…

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Diane Brandon Moody: I… if you… if people looked at every man out there as danger, danger, danger, guess what you're gonna find? Danger, danger, danger. You have to be able to look with a different set of glasses that say, oh, look at that, that's a good guy, that's a good guy, that's a good guy. He may not be my match forever, but he's still a decent guy, you know? He just is a good person.

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Cynthia J.: What's funny is, talking to that gentleman about the apps, they had the same fears I did.

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Cynthia J.: Because he's like, I'm afraid I'm gonna meet somebody, she's gonna drug me, and I'm gonna wake up in the desert without my kidneys. And I was like, what? So, and this was a big, tall guy, and I was like.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yeah, yeah.

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Cynthia J.: really fake that? He's like, and I was like, oh, okay, so it's not just the women that, you know.

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Diane Brandon Moody: No.

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Diane Brandon Moody: No, that… there's enough of… there's enough of anything bad that actually goes on somewhere that it kind of seeps into the consciousness, but the vast majority of people are decent.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, and I also teach them in that same program how to be scam-free, too, because…

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Diane Brandon Moody: you know, online, a scam is much more likely than waking up in the desert without your kidneys. Yeah. But that can be managed as well, and as I tell everybody who's ever listened to me.

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Diane Brandon Moody: anywhere, I met my husband on Craigslist Personals, which you can't even do anymore because sex trafficking was going on there. But the reason I did it is because my intuition told me…

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Diane Brandon Moody: on New Year's Eve 2017, and it talked to me like a person was right over my shoulder, put an ad on Craigslist. I was like, that's idiotic, are you kidding me? Just do it, alright.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, so I got 300 responses overnight, and the very last one I talked to, I married 365 days after meeting him in person. So, you know, like, if I can navigate Craigslist, anybody else can navigate Match.com, so…

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Cynthia J.: Yes, it's cool.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, anything else you would like to tell our audience about?

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Cynthia J.: Ugh.

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Cynthia J.: it works…

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Cynthia J.: if you work the steps, it works, just like if you're going to learn how to ride a bicycle, you know, you listen to… you put the training wheels on, you know, you pay attention, you try, and you have to get your butt on the actual bicycle, if that's what you want to learn.

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Cynthia J.: because of the fact that there was skin… my skin was in the game, my money. I had paid money. So that made me very motivated to do what I needed to do. It's like, I'm not wasting my money. I'm not gonna pay for something and not use it. So,

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Cynthia J.: it's… it… it was worth every single penny. I mean…

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Cynthia J.: I feel at ease with people, and it's not just the dating, too. It's opened me up to new friendships, you know? And, bringing… just bringing more light into my life, and realizing that there is life after,

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Cynthia J.: the death of your spouse. There's life.

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Cynthia J.: And, or a bad divorce. People I've talked to where, you know, they thought they had married the one, and it didn't work out. And, once the heartbreak clears, there's life. There's somebody else.

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Cynthia J.: that needs Me.

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Cynthia J.: Or needs you, you know?

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Cynthia J.: At this age, we're not in it to have babies. You know?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Thank you.

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Cynthia J.: Yes, most of us are, are usually, you know, secure. We've got jobs, we've got our lives, we've got an apartment or a house, or whatever. We're okay, so we're not in it to, you know, snag a husband to take care of us, and give us babies, and all that other stuff.

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Cynthia J.: It's actually a very interesting journey at this age, because it is for companionship. It is for sex, too, because, you know, we're not dead yet.

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Cynthia J.: I'm just saying, ladies. And so,

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Cynthia J.: It's just the experience of being alive again.

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Cynthia J.: You know? And I know people will say, well, I was alive and everything else. I was just working.

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Cynthia J.: I was just working, and marking time, and… being afraid.

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Cynthia J.: And so, I love the fact that, you know, I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid to say hi to a stranger. You know, I'm not afraid to talk to people. I practice my flirting with a woman tonight, because I'm on show site, and not because I wanted to date her, but because I just wanted to practice talking to a stranger.

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Cynthia J.: So I was just talking to her, and she talked to me, and we were both sitting at the bar eating our meals, so it was nice to be able to talk to somebody. That's one thing that you taught me, is just practice. Practice with people.

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Cynthia J.: It's not always about, you know, hey.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Just kidding.

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Cynthia J.: Practicing talking to other human beings and finding out how much in common we all have.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, you had a lot to go through to get to the stage where you did here, and I'm proud of all the work you did with me, and other ways that you did your work, and I'm very proud of you, and proud of what you've

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Diane Brandon Moody: come through in where you are now. You glow! You just glow right now, you know? I'm just, I'm very, very happy for you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I hope I'm a bridesmaid.

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Cynthia J.: Me too!

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Diane Brandon Moody: Someday, somewhere, someday. Anything else you want to say?

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Cynthia J.: No, I think that pretty much covered it, you know?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yes.

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Cynthia J.: if you're on the fence, just do it. You know, you won't regret it. Work the plan, and move forward.

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Cynthia J.: That's all.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Great.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Thank you so much.