Ep. 57 "The Manosphere"

This week I saw Louis Theroux's new documentary on Netflix called "Inside the Manosphere."

It's creepy, and yet important for every man and woman to watch so they know what's going on in male-female dynamics, especially among younger men. 

Please share this with your friends!

Leave a review or a suggested topic you'd like me to cover.

The 7 Dating Patterns Smart Women Don't Realize They're Running - And Why Recognizing Yours Changes Everything. 

Transcript

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Diane Brandon Moody: Hey everybody, it's Diane Brandon Moody, and I am here again with another episode of 50-something Love, and I'm so happy to have you here. That's amazing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I am starting the third season of 50-something Love, which is exciting to me, because, 3 years later, here we are, we're still doing it, and we… I think this is the 57th episode?

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, yea, us.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, today's, topic… I want to talk about what everybody else is talking about, and that is…

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Diane Brandon Moody: the manosphere. Now, I don't know if you have seen Louis Theroux… Louis Theroux, I want to say it the way he says it, Louis Theroux's, recent documentary on Netflix about the… inside the manosphere.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you haven't, you should.

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Diane Brandon Moody: In this particular episode in referencing the manosphere, we are mostly talking about younger men.

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Diane Brandon Moody: There weren't that many over 50 other than Louis.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, I think most of the manosphere is, like, Gen Z and younger.

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Diane Brandon Moody: maybe some in Millennials, However, I still think you should know about this, because…

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Diane Brandon Moody: There are men over 50 who tend to have some beliefs like this, because I see them on social media all the time. Plus.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you have sons, please, please.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Have a talk with them about this and see where they land, because this is…

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's not good. It's not good for them. This is not… not saving masculinity in any way. This is just…

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Diane Brandon Moody: One more way of, men trying to get ahead, and frankly, if you watch the documentary, it doesn't make them look very good.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, if you haven't seen it yet, finish the episode, and then watch it, and you're welcome to give me feedback as to what you think about it. I'd love to know your… your opinions.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Let me just say that there are some men, like I'm saying, some men on dating sites, and even dating sites are really not…

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Diane Brandon Moody: the only place where women, quote-unquote, meet men. They're on Instagram.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're on Facebook.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're all over the place. There are sites everywhere to meet people. I personally don't think it's a good idea to be meeting them on other sites.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Because there's no accountability, and they're much more likely to be trying to scam you. So, I think you're much better off if you at least stay on a dating site. There's some intention there, rather than, you know, intention to be dating.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Rather than just… You know, bugging women all day long to see if they can make any money.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So let me explain the manosphere if you don't know.

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Diane Brandon Moody: there are, this is, like I said, mostly younger men.

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Diane Brandon Moody: The men that… Are very much into money.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Using women, and I mean every word of the way I said that, using women for their own gain.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Being all about quote-unquote success.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But it's all very thinly veiled in misogyny. I mean, let's just get down to it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: These people don't like women, they just want to use women for sexual conquests and dominance, and then they just want to move on. They, most of them believe in having, multiple girlfriends.

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Diane Brandon Moody: One even talked about multiple wives.

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Diane Brandon Moody: these are not the kind of guys we're looking for. You may have heard names like Andrew Tate, Sneeko, Myron Gaines, Justin Waller…

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Diane Brandon Moody: They have courses on how to dominate supplements, they give quote-unquote dating strategies, which…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Ugh, please don't follow them about. Please don't, to millions of young men. They're all… all their messaging just boils down to, you gotta be an alpha, get money, get women, and don't trust anybody.

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Diane Brandon Moody: What Louis Theroux is so good at in his documentaries, and I watched several this week and or listen to them on podcasts.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Is he asks a question, and then he shuts up and he lets them talk.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So many of them…

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Diane Brandon Moody: just made themselves look idiotic. The more they talked, the more, like, idiots they looked. And that's one thing that I really, really loved.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, watch that, and watch for the fact that he just doesn't say a whole lot, he doesn't give his opinion very many times.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But he lets them… You know, kind of, their swagger collapses at some point.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They just don't quite have it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So let me tell you why this is also toxic. It's so obvious why this is toxic for women.

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Diane Brandon Moody: First of all, they're not coming for women over 50. They think we're way too old, way too over it, not interesting anymore. They're looking for youth. They think women are way too old after 25.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, they're not coming to us…

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Diane Brandon Moody: for relationships. But they still are toxic because they're teaching legions of young men how to act. And that's very obvious, toxic to you, it's toxic to your daughters.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But why is it toxic for men?

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Diane Brandon Moody: This is the part, I think, that a lot of people skip. It's… it's just devastating.

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Diane Brandon Moody: the men that it claims to help. For one thing, it's a lot of smoke and mirrors, these guys. The guys that are, you know, the so-called leaders in the Manosphere movement.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's smoke and mirrors, and when, you know, you pull back the curtain on Oz, you find out there's just some little old guy pulling levers. It's not.

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Diane Brandon Moody: dominance. It's not masculinity, this is not the definition of masculinity. They're just looking to make their brands out there and make money.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They also hung themselves a whole lot when he would ask a simple question. They would just make themselves look stupid.

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Diane Brandon Moody: There's one guy that goes by the name H.S.

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Diane Brandon Moody: ticky-talkie, like, oh my god, saying that just sounds stupid. But,

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Diane Brandon Moody: His mother was with him at one point. He's 24 years old, and the line… this line actually came out of his mouth. I don't want juice right now, Mummy.

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Diane Brandon Moody: This is… this is like a kindergartner. This isn't a full-grown, fully-formed, intelligent man. This is a fool. This is…

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Diane Brandon Moody: A kindergartner who thinks he's all that, and he just isn't.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Since the documentary, he has scrubbed a lot of his Instagram, and… You know, what you see…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Beneath a lot of this is these men are damaged. They are so damaged, and this is their way of trying not to be damaged.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Perhaps there was abuse in the home, perhaps there was no father in the home, I'm not blaming single mothers for that, don't hear me say that, because that's not what I'm saying, but…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Boys that don't have a healthy…

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Diane Brandon Moody: picture of what healthy masculinity looks like somehow just end up…

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Diane Brandon Moody: coming up with this kind of suits of armor. They're surviving their own pain.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And then they try to make a lot of money off of

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Diane Brandon Moody: what they do to survive their own pain, so other boys will survive their own pain. Like.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's one-way monogamy.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's what they're looking at. They don't… they want to have as many women as possible, but they insist that their women can only be with them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They also spout some nonsense about if a woman has had multiple lovers, that somehow the sperm can stay in her for a length of time, and if she gets pregnant, it may not be yours.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I hope everybody listening here knows that's complete and utter nonsense, because it… that is not the way it works.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And gosh, I would be so embarrassed if my kid were out there saying stuff like that. I'd be like, what did we not talk about? Because that's just so dumb.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But they're looking for guidance themselves, and so they think if they're giving guidance to other people, that somehow they're…

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Diane Brandon Moody: You know, they're successful, and they're making money, and somehow that makes them impressive.

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Diane Brandon Moody: the followers, all the little followers and the ones that were included in the documentary were, like, young teens. We're talking 13, 14, you know, they weren't even…

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Diane Brandon Moody: They weren't even in their 20s or 30s, they were young teens, and they are probably

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Diane Brandon Moody: in pain of some sort. I don't know what pain we… it didn't get into that, but they probably must be if they think they have to dominate in order to be…

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Diane Brandon Moody: To grow into men.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So…

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Diane Brandon Moody: the manosphere does creep into other age groups, even though that I think they're mostly young, they do creep into other age groups.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And so, they have misogynistic ideas, like women need to stay in their own lanes.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And, they can't… men can't show emotion, and, you know, a woman with a career is threatening, and she's not attractive, because that's not attractive to them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So here's my advice if you ever run into any of these guys, and hopefully you won't, hopefully before you actually go on a date with somebody, you know them well enough that you can see if they're doing some of those performative

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Diane Brandon Moody: you know, masculine, hyper-masculine, not realistic masculine. If they're weirdly competitive, or they, you know, they're somehow marinating in this as a worldview, please don't stick around.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Please don't. Please leave the date, tell them thanks, walk away.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You owe him nothing more than that.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And Don't get into it, because, oh my god, is that not fun?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Yuck.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Anyway, the nervous system connection to this, I think, is that… Both of… this strategy…

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Diane Brandon Moody: As I have said, starts with pain.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They start with the pain that they're in, and then they have this made-up idea of what masculinity is.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And that they're being taught to armor up.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But here's the thing. Our pain teaches us the same thing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: When we're lonely from not having a partner, We get very guarded.

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Diane Brandon Moody: When we've had bad experiences with men before, we get very guarded.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I'm not talking about serious trauma here. Lots of women have serious trauma, and I really hope that you deal with that with a trauma specialist, because you're worth it. You're worth being able to heal with that kind of thing, to the extent that it's possible.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But… both sets of people, both of these Manosphere guys and women.

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Diane Brandon Moody: have a fear that I think is in common, and that's, if I'm vulnerable, I'll get destroyed.

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Diane Brandon Moody: The men that are worth being with are the ones that have done their own version of the work that you're doing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They can soften without losing their strength.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They know when it's time that softness is more needed than brute force.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They've learned that tenderness isn't weakness.

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Diane Brandon Moody: There are men out there like this, I married one.

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Diane Brandon Moody: The manosphere just makes them harder to find in all the noise, and so we don't want to listen to the noise any more than we have to.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But for the sons and grandsons that you have.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Please pay attention to what they're consuming.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Have some honest conversations with them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: be the counter voice. If they're not getting another version of this, if this is the only version of what they're hearing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: is the manosphere.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Please be the counter voice.

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Diane Brandon Moody: These men need real men in their lives, not influencers selling fantasy from rented mansions. Like, ugh.

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Diane Brandon Moody: For us, for women.

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Diane Brandon Moody: We need to recognize that the dating landscape is being shaped by these forces, although, like I said, not as many over 50 as under 50.

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Diane Brandon Moody: A man who's kind and emotionally present and willing to be a real partner is swimming against the cultural tide right now.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So it's good to recognize that. But when you find one, don't miss… dismiss them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Because maybe the chemistry's just quiet.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That quiet might be the healthiest thing you've encountered in years.

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Diane Brandon Moody: The manosphere sells men a lie that dominance is strength and vulnerability is death.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Let me tell you, folks, I've lived a long time, and I find that the truth is the opposite.

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Diane Brandon Moody: The strongest man I know still brings me roses every week, and isn't embarrassed about it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's what real masculinity looks like.

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Diane Brandon Moody: He took care of me when I was in my recent knee surgery and knee injury.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Being cared for like that.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's worth waiting for.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Now… I have a brand new guide.

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Diane Brandon Moody: on my website, and I hope that you are going to take a moment

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Diane Brandon Moody: to look over it. I came up with this recently because

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Diane Brandon Moody: You've probably had the 50 Places Guide by now.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I wanted something that goes a little deeper. I wanted to get into Deeper emotional work.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, the guide I have is now called The 7 Dating Patterns Smart Women Don't Realize They're Running, and Why Recognizing Yours Changes Everything.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You can get it by going to my website, Dianebrandonmoody.com.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And you can get it very easily from there. Just sign up on that home page, and it'll show up in your inbox.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I think a lot of you are gonna recognize yourself in at least 3 or 4 places.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Just so you know, you can recover from that, I recognized myself at one time or another in all seven, which is why I wrote the seven.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And dealing with those patterns, and being conscious of it, and being aware that I was doing them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Is what changed everything for me.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, I'm so happy that you're here with me, and that we're talking on, my third season. I'm so excited to be back and mostly recovered from everything that was slowing me down for the last couple of months.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So… Please, go to the website again, dianebrandonmoody.com, and download that 7 Patterns Guide.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And if you don't mind, recommend my podcast to someone.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Leave a note for me?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Give me a review… follow me, whatever… whatever you can do, I really appreciate it.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I'm so happy to see you back here again.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Questions?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Info at DianePrandonmoody.com.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I will include everything in the show notes.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Thank you so much for being here. Bye.