The Lies We Tell Ourselves Ep 78

The final episode of the marathon, and I'm not pulling punches. I'm naming the stories we tell ourselves about why love hasn't happened, and gently taking every one of them apart.

You know the lies, because you've probably told yourself a few:

The men are all bad. Too old, ship sailed. All the good ones are taken, married, gay, or gone. There are just no good ones in my town.

Diane has an answer for each, including some Dallas-Fort Worth math that  demolishes the "no good men where I live" excuse. But the real moment in this episode is the question I asks near the end: why are you so committed to being right about this?

Because here's the thing I've discovered after dating from 16 to 58: your brain is an order-taker. Keep telling it the good ones don't exist, and it will happily go find you more proof. There's a better thing to be right about, and that's where the gold is.

This is the last of the twelve. If any of them shifted something for you, I would love to hear it.

Enrollment for the founding cohort of Simply Irresistible closes Monday, July 13 at midnight, and the cohort begins Tuesday. Ready to stop clinging to the story and start finding the love? Join here: dianebrandonmoody.com/love-audit. And if you're reading this after the doors have closed, get on the waitlist for the next cohort at the same link.

The 7 Dating Patterns Smart Women Don't Realize They're Running - And Why Recognizing Yours Changes Everything. 

Transcript

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Diane Brandon Moody: Hi, everyone. This is Diane Brandon Moody, and I'm here to talk once again about my transformational program, simply irresistible collective.

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Diane Brandon Moody: which is starting tomorrow, tomorrow, Tuesday, July 14.th

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Diane Brandon Moody: Today is the end of my 12 episode mini podcast episode marathon.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I tell you, it's been a lot of work.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But it's been a lot of fun, too, because I was able to go do a lot of little snippets that you can listen to while you're walking your dog, or do something really simple. It's not like sitting down and having to listen.

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Diane Brandon Moody: to…

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Diane Brandon Moody: you know, whole dissertation or a gigantic sales pitch. It's pretty easy to listen to and back out again.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So I think I've said almost everything.

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Diane Brandon Moody: that there is to say about Simply Irresistible and everything about Same Men, Different Outfit. So here is the last of what I'm going to say.

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Diane Brandon Moody: These are the lies that we tell ourselves.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Since I was dating from the time I was 16 to the time I was 58 when I finally got married.

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Diane Brandon Moody: For the first time to a great guy who is incidentally cooking dinner every night this week because he knows I'm pretty busy and that's very sweet.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Here's… Here are some of the lies that you're telling yourself.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Number one.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's all that the men are so bad.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I get it. Some of them are very badly trained on

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Diane Brandon Moody: email or email or dating apps, and they send you pictures of stuff you don't even really want to look at, and they ask about sex immediately, and

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Diane Brandon Moody: They, you know, they're… they can be very…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Badly behaved in many cases, and the manosphere has a hold of a lot of them by the shortened curlies.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're not your guy. They're they're not the one.

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Diane Brandon Moody: There's a bunch of them out there that are decent and are looking for love, and they're just as confused as they are. They're as confused as you are, and they also know that there are men out there that are making it difficult.

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Diane Brandon Moody: For men like them.

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Diane Brandon Moody: that's going on.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But it's not all men. And even though going through Simply Irresistible may not change that some of these gross guys approach you or send you a picture or something like that, what I will guarantee you is it won't bother you too much.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And you'll be able to find the good ones among the not so good ones.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Because they're there.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I promise you that they are.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, if you've had trouble with

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Diane Brandon Moody: men with reliability, with showing up, or whatever. This could be for you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Some of the other lies that you tell yourself is you're too old.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's too late.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I my ship has sailed too old.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Honey, you're not. I was 58, and there are plenty of women in the world who got married for the 1st time much later than that.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Google it if you don't believe me, you'll find stories out there.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I'm much too fat is another.

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Diane Brandon Moody: lie that people tell.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, I would have to be honest and say that if you are a normal height proportionate

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Diane Brandon Moody: Weight proportionate person.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You will probably have more people to pick from.

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Diane Brandon Moody: it's not to say that you won't find anybody if you're a larger size. I have been a larger size for most of my life. I had plenty of dates the whole time. I had relationships the whole time. They weren't the ones that worked out all that well, but that's a different story, and that came from a different place.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So… I can tell you that that is a lie.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That you're telling yourself, that's also something that we talk about in Simply Irresistible. I'm not going to blow smoke and tell you it doesn't matter at all, because it will narrow your choices.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But that doesn't mean you have no choices.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So that's another lie that you tell yourself.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Oh!

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Diane Brandon Moody: One lie would be all the good ones are taken, married, gay, live somewhere else, whatever. No.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's not true.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They may be harder to find in a small rural town in farmland country somewhere.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They may be a little more difficult to find.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But.

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Diane Brandon Moody: They're still not impossible to find.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Umm.

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Diane Brandon Moody: to say that, you know, all the good men are gay. Hey, I was a theater major in college.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I didn't know very many straight men for 3 years because everybody.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Almost all of the men in the theater program tend to be gay. Not all of them were. Some of my best buds were from that time frame, and they weren't, and some of my best buds from them were. Didn't matter to me a bit, even back then.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Umm.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But I'm telling you that, no, it's not true that all the good ones are taken.

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Diane Brandon Moody: by some way or another. Things happen. Even if they were married, sometimes they're no longer married before two…

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Diane Brandon Moody: Before… you quit looking, and some of those may be for very good reasons.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So, that's not it either. There's another myth out there that it's just my town. There are no good men in Atlanta.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Honey.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That just cannot be true. It just cannot be.

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Diane Brandon Moody: You may have different limits in different neighborhoods, but it just can't be true.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I live in Dallas-Fort Worth. There are 8 million people in this area. If you assume that it's roughly a 50-50 cut, that's 4 million people. If you assume half of them

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Diane Brandon Moody: Oh, let's even say 3 quarters of them are married, then that's still a million single ones.

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Diane Brandon Moody: I mean, you see how this works. Math will prove that it's not where you live unless it's a teeny tiny little rural area somewhere. It's just not.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But sometimes, here's the question to ask yourself.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Why is it so important to you to keep clinging on to those reasons that that is the problem?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Why?

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Diane Brandon Moody: You would rather be right about climbing the claiming that there are no good men in Atlanta.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Then you want to be about, let me figure out how to find the right ones and be the person that the right ones want.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's where the gold is, sister.

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Diane Brandon Moody: That's where the gold is.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you want to cling to all your stories.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Go ahead, cling to your stories.

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Diane Brandon Moody: But it isn't gonna get you finding love.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It won't.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Because you're so clinging to your stories that your brain believes it. Your brain, which is just an order-taker when it comes to stuff like this, your brain says.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Well, she doesn't seem to want the good ones. She keeps talking about all these bad ones. All right, let's go give her a few more bad ones. That'll work.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Please think about booking a love audit so that we can talk about it. We start tomorrow.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And I want to be the one who helps you find the love that I've found.

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Diane Brandon Moody: It's not a perfect thing. We get in an argument sometimes, we get distant sometimes, but when it comes right down to it, we know we have each other.

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Diane Brandon Moody: And that means everything.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Thank you for listening to this mini-marathon. If anything I've said in the last 12 days has helped you see anything different, would you please let me know?

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Diane Brandon Moody: Or send a fan mail.

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Diane Brandon Moody: or a review or something so I know that this is some content that works for you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: If you have a topic you'd like me to discuss.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Send it to me, I'd love to talk to you.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Anyway, the minute Simply Irresistible closes.

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Diane Brandon Moody: and we start this current cohort. A wait list will be going up.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So that you can get on the list for the next time.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So this is going to be an important thing.

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Diane Brandon Moody: So anyway, thank you again for listening.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Love your feedback, if you have any, and if you want to listen to someone who

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Diane Brandon Moody: Was happy to share her experience with coaching. Go to episode 53 when CJ, my rock star client, CJ told everything, how she went from not having dated in 11 years because she was

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Diane Brandon Moody: Unexpectedly widowed at a pretty young age to.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Dating 6 different guys.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Because that's what she wanted. That was her desire is to date a lot of different people because she hadn't in a while and that's what she's been doing. So listen to episode 53. I really thank you again.

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Diane Brandon Moody: for listening all this time, and I am going to see you in Simply Irresistible.

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Diane Brandon Moody: Bye bye.