Whatever idiot told you dating is a numbers game should be fired immediately, Ep 80

This week I get a little aggressive with well-meaning but very wrong people advising you that dating (and love) is just a dating game. That couldn't be more wrong. 

If you date badly once, you are likely dating badly all the time. 

You don't mean to! I'm not blaming you. It's the current dating culture that has everything wrong and no one told you what the problem could be. 

Listen to this episode and share it with a friend who is just as confused and single as you are. 

Here's the new quiz, it's fun and funny and will let you know how ready you are for love  - quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Sign up here for the Simply Irresistible Priority List! It's free and no obligation. https://www.dianebrandonmoody.com

Transcript

1
00:00:03.610 --> 00:00:15.920
Diane Brandon Moody: Hello, everybody! It's Diane Brandon Moody, and I'm back again with another episode of 50-something Love, and I'm so happy to talk to you today. So, today's topic…

2
00:00:16.090 --> 00:00:26.640
Diane Brandon Moody: Is… whatever idiot told you that dating is a numbers game should be fired from your life immediately because they couldn't be more wrong.

3
00:00:27.130 --> 00:00:44.550
Diane Brandon Moody: Let me tell you, people say this to themselves quite a bit, and I'm here to tell you that it's wrong. This is not like, you know, flipping a coin. Every time you flip a coin, you have a 50-50 chance of getting heads.

4
00:00:45.110 --> 00:01:03.959
Diane Brandon Moody: Or tails. But you have a 50-50 chance every single time. If you have been dating for quite a while, and it's not going for you very well, more dating does not make it better. It doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it more successful.

5
00:01:04.250 --> 00:01:18.400
Diane Brandon Moody: Now, if you're somebody who's never had problems with relationships, you've been in them as long as they were useful for you, and then you gracefully exited, or they did, or something like that.

6
00:01:18.690 --> 00:01:31.039
Diane Brandon Moody: Then maybe this one isn't for you. I'm talking about the people who are rather chronic in their singleness, and I am very much including myself in this topic.

7
00:01:31.450 --> 00:01:34.929
Diane Brandon Moody: Because, here's the thing, if…

8
00:01:35.210 --> 00:01:40.940
Diane Brandon Moody: And every time I hear that, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs. No, you don't.

9
00:01:41.170 --> 00:01:43.640
Diane Brandon Moody: You do, but you don't have to.

10
00:01:44.150 --> 00:01:49.900
Diane Brandon Moody: And so, let me tell you a little bit about this topic.

11
00:01:50.350 --> 00:01:52.820
Diane Brandon Moody: Look, why people say it…

12
00:01:53.250 --> 00:02:10.170
Diane Brandon Moody: usually is because they care about you. The people who are telling you this don't know what to say. Maybe they've never had a chronic issue with dating or singleness, and so they don't know what may be going on.

13
00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:16.680
Diane Brandon Moody: And it… it probably sounds like common sense to them if they say something like.

14
00:02:16.790 --> 00:02:30.180
Diane Brandon Moody: hey, you know, it's a numbers game, or, you know, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs, or whatever. They're trying to be helpful, they care about you. It's just bad advice.

15
00:02:30.420 --> 00:02:50.070
Diane Brandon Moody: So, it's kind of the way we think about job applications, and sales calls, and auditions, all those kinds of activities. Hey, it's a numbers game. Go on enough auditions, and you'll be the next Tom Holland in the world. And Zendaya… Zendaya, sorry, Zendaya.

16
00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:52.089
Diane Brandon Moody: In the world.

17
00:02:52.220 --> 00:03:09.929
Diane Brandon Moody: and you'll be on, you know, starring and everything. It isn't necessarily true. There's a whole lot of luck involved with that, a whole lot of skill, and sometimes you're just not the right flavor, and the next person, maybe sometimes you are. But anyway,

18
00:03:09.930 --> 00:03:22.270
Diane Brandon Moody: It's just… it's just not the same. It's like going to Vegas and playing the slots. A lot of people want to say it's a matter of time. It's not. The house usually wins.

19
00:03:22.350 --> 00:03:32.670
Diane Brandon Moody: So… Let's… let's kind of wrap our heads around that. So, where this falls apart, of course.

20
00:03:33.170 --> 00:03:44.099
Diane Brandon Moody: is that you are the same person every time you go on a date. Now, I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you, but you have had

21
00:03:44.860 --> 00:03:55.800
Diane Brandon Moody: A set of experiences in your life, a set of, bad experiences in many cases, you're going to brace

22
00:03:56.130 --> 00:04:04.440
Diane Brandon Moody: You're going to be nervous, you're going to automatically take something he says the wrong way, assuming

23
00:04:04.690 --> 00:04:09.040
Diane Brandon Moody: That he does say something that you take the wrong way.

24
00:04:09.390 --> 00:04:14.300
Diane Brandon Moody: And… You… you are guarded.

25
00:04:14.680 --> 00:04:26.749
Diane Brandon Moody: You've had reasons to be, perhaps, but you're guarded. Your body doesn't know the difference between a really good guy and a guy who really is up to something. So that's the way that that works.

26
00:04:26.850 --> 00:04:30.360
Diane Brandon Moody: You can date a hundred men, and you'll be…

27
00:04:30.570 --> 00:04:40.820
Diane Brandon Moody: You could be meeting the same one every single time, the one that you deserve so much more from than what you're getting.

28
00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:50.139
Diane Brandon Moody: And let me tell you, if it's not working out for you, the volume has a cost to it.

29
00:04:50.330 --> 00:05:01.140
Diane Brandon Moody: Like every disappointing date, every man who fades away or ghosts you, every conversation that goes nowhere, it all goes in the jug.

30
00:05:01.350 --> 00:05:07.479
Diane Brandon Moody: And the jug, and your capacity fills up. The jug being your nervous system.

31
00:05:07.870 --> 00:05:15.269
Diane Brandon Moody: So, by date 40, you're just more braced than you were at date 4. You're not less braced, you're more braced.

32
00:05:15.740 --> 00:05:34.260
Diane Brandon Moody: the advice, you know, that you hear from people is just to keep on going, and it's the keeping on going that's really worrying you out. There's a cost to that. You get tired of feeling like you failed at every single day, and it may not even be a failure.

33
00:05:34.280 --> 00:05:47.339
Diane Brandon Moody: It may just be not a good match, but for whatever reason, your body and your mind are recording it that you somehow veiled, yet again, another date that didn't go very well.

34
00:05:49.290 --> 00:05:58.129
Diane Brandon Moody: So When the advice is that you should keep going, And you keep wearing down.

35
00:05:58.290 --> 00:06:02.610
Diane Brandon Moody: The women who follow that advice the most faithfully

36
00:06:02.890 --> 00:06:12.210
Diane Brandon Moody: And adhere to whatever rules they think are out there, they end up exhausted and, in my case, much farther away.

37
00:06:12.960 --> 00:06:14.959
Diane Brandon Moody: Than they were in the beginning.

38
00:06:16.750 --> 00:06:30.760
Diane Brandon Moody: So, I want to tell you a little bit about my story, and why I feel like I know quite a bit about this topic, and why I teach it to the women that are in Simply Irresistible.

39
00:06:33.650 --> 00:06:42.380
Diane Brandon Moody: I dated for 41 years, that is not something to be especially proud of, but it's a fact, and I'm here to tell you the truth.

40
00:06:42.550 --> 00:06:50.669
Diane Brandon Moody: That was the numbers game. I mean, it ran for a long time, and I…

41
00:06:51.240 --> 00:07:01.859
Diane Brandon Moody: repeated that a few times up until I realized it was happy horse shit, that doing it in whatever way, getting the same result.

42
00:07:02.510 --> 00:07:12.089
Diane Brandon Moody: More or less, most times, and then trying again in the same way. Isn't that, like, the definition of insanity?

43
00:07:14.580 --> 00:07:28.579
Diane Brandon Moody: But then, you know, I always had faith that there was somebody out there for me. I thought I was a pretty decent person. I… I know what my flaws are, I know what I could do better.

44
00:07:28.580 --> 00:07:37.690
Diane Brandon Moody: I'm human, but I know I'm a pretty decent person. And so, I… I did work. I did the work.

45
00:07:37.690 --> 00:07:53.009
Diane Brandon Moody: I did a lot of work on my nervous system. I didn't know to call it that at the time. It wasn't the word that's everywhere that it is now, but I worked on that, and I also worked quite a bit, quite a bit on my…

46
00:07:53.070 --> 00:07:54.870
Diane Brandon Moody: Feminine energy.

47
00:07:55.810 --> 00:08:03.349
Diane Brandon Moody: This is not in any way trying to take you back to 1952. Nobody's trying to make you

48
00:08:03.580 --> 00:08:17.559
Diane Brandon Moody: a housewife, unless you want to be. Nobody's trying to take you back to the past. But there is a polarity between male and female, I believe, and wholeheartedly, we all have male, we all have female.

49
00:08:18.050 --> 00:08:24.919
Diane Brandon Moody: But if you're looking for kind of an alpha guy, the kind of guy who takes charge.

50
00:08:25.090 --> 00:08:32.059
Diane Brandon Moody: Then, you have got to be more in the feminine space, Which is not weakness.

51
00:08:32.740 --> 00:08:37.469
Diane Brandon Moody: But a little bit more in the feminine space, or otherwise.

52
00:08:37.820 --> 00:08:46.150
Diane Brandon Moody: the energy doesn't work. If you've ever seen those little yin and yang symbols that look like two little fish

53
00:08:46.620 --> 00:08:52.790
Diane Brandon Moody: in a circle, That is to show the eternal male and female.

54
00:08:52.920 --> 00:08:53.780
Diane Brandon Moody: ness.

55
00:08:54.260 --> 00:08:56.090
Diane Brandon Moody: This is important.

56
00:08:58.340 --> 00:09:16.259
Diane Brandon Moody: So then, at age 57, when I finally was a little more clear, I could hear my intuition, I wasn't braced so much, I was up for dating as an adventure, and not like it was a part of me that had to happen.

57
00:09:16.690 --> 00:09:24.309
Diane Brandon Moody: In order to be a whole person, I was really more into the, I have a lot to give, and I'm ready to give that.

58
00:09:24.590 --> 00:09:30.570
Diane Brandon Moody: I did my famous ad on Craigslist, and I met my husband.

59
00:09:30.980 --> 00:09:35.799
Diane Brandon Moody: the 300 responses to that ad that I got overnight.

60
00:09:36.110 --> 00:09:43.380
Diane Brandon Moody: That was kind of cool, and my ad is a brilliant ad, but that wasn't the achievement.

61
00:09:43.630 --> 00:09:49.989
Diane Brandon Moody: That was really a byproduct. That was really, like, what came along as well.

62
00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:57.359
Diane Brandon Moody: The achievement was that by the time they arrived, I could actually receive what was…

63
00:09:58.140 --> 00:10:00.940
Diane Brandon Moody: What was actually kind of in front of me?

64
00:10:01.110 --> 00:10:03.039
Diane Brandon Moody: And I could choose well.

65
00:10:03.910 --> 00:10:08.160
Diane Brandon Moody: Look, 41 years of volume did nothing.

66
00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:18.169
Diane Brandon Moody: There were times I had a lot of attention. My junior year in college, in the month of June, I had 6 different marriage proposals.

67
00:10:18.830 --> 00:10:19.680
Diane Brandon Moody: And…

68
00:10:19.920 --> 00:10:32.129
Diane Brandon Moody: Believe me, I don't regret saying no to every single one of them. They all were not good, solid proposals by any means, but I was pretty popular at the time.

69
00:10:32.420 --> 00:10:42.899
Diane Brandon Moody: So, it's not like I didn't have dates. I did. There were different times in my life where they were less, and times when they were more, but,

70
00:10:43.190 --> 00:10:52.100
Diane Brandon Moody: But it was after I did the work, the nervous system work, the feminine energy work, and then, then the dating tactics work.

71
00:10:52.900 --> 00:11:01.120
Diane Brandon Moody: It doesn't matter if you know how to write the world's most brilliant ad. If you are not doing the work, it will not work for you.

72
00:11:01.490 --> 00:11:03.059
Diane Brandon Moody: That's just a fact.

73
00:11:04.410 --> 00:11:06.950
Diane Brandon Moody: Anyway, that's the whole argument.

74
00:11:09.030 --> 00:11:25.830
Diane Brandon Moody: So, my suggestion to you, of course, the first one is Simply Irresistible goes through this in a great deal of depth, and if you want to sign up for the priority list, there's no cost, no obligation for that. You'll be the first to hear when the next date

75
00:11:25.830 --> 00:11:33.409
Diane Brandon Moody: comes up, and that's dianebrandonmoody.com slash priority dash list. It'll be in the show notes.

76
00:11:35.270 --> 00:11:42.959
Diane Brandon Moody: When that comes, Simply Irresistible goes into this in depth. But let me just give you a couple of helpful tips.

77
00:11:43.420 --> 00:11:44.870
Diane Brandon Moody: In the meantime.

78
00:11:45.820 --> 00:11:50.800
Diane Brandon Moody: So… I would suggest that you not try to do more dates.

79
00:11:51.180 --> 00:11:54.670
Diane Brandon Moody: Until you have a chance to do some of this work.

80
00:11:54.990 --> 00:12:10.189
Diane Brandon Moody: Do the ones that matter, do the ones that you think really have potential, but do not be kissing those frogs just because you think one of them's gonna be a prince if you kiss enough of them. All you do is just get frog lips.

81
00:12:11.010 --> 00:12:13.790
Diane Brandon Moody: Ew, you don't need that.

82
00:12:14.070 --> 00:12:24.300
Diane Brandon Moody: it doesn't work for you. So, just take your time and do a little bit slower, do a little bit better quality.

83
00:12:24.550 --> 00:12:26.720
Diane Brandon Moody: If that's an option for you.

84
00:12:27.070 --> 00:12:31.549
Diane Brandon Moody: When your nervous system settles, the man who felt boring…

85
00:12:32.050 --> 00:12:44.550
Diane Brandon Moody: Maybe he wasn't lighting you up in the right way that you thought you should be lit up. That boring guy turns into a safe guy, a solid guy, a reliable guy.

86
00:12:44.750 --> 00:12:49.250
Diane Brandon Moody: Somebody you can trust. Somebody who you can wake up next to.

87
00:12:49.810 --> 00:12:54.920
Diane Brandon Moody: All of that's good stuff. The electric one in You Know the Type.

88
00:12:56.210 --> 00:12:59.050
Diane Brandon Moody: They start reading as familiar.

89
00:12:59.900 --> 00:13:07.900
Diane Brandon Moody: Familiar in the way that you don't want. Familiar in the way of, like, the last 7 that didn't work out.

90
00:13:08.390 --> 00:13:19.189
Diane Brandon Moody: So, we're not looking for that. We're not looking for that. You want to be attracted, I get it. Nobody's saying, don't be attracted. I'm not saying that.

91
00:13:19.510 --> 00:13:21.699
Diane Brandon Moody: What I am saying, though.

92
00:13:21.770 --> 00:13:37.520
Diane Brandon Moody: is sometimes that electric, and you meet so quickly on a first date, and you think you're madly in love, and you spend 17 hours together, and don't you know he's gonna be the best ever, and I finally found my person.

93
00:13:37.530 --> 00:13:42.320
Diane Brandon Moody: And next week, he ghosts you, because he can't handle it.

94
00:13:42.730 --> 00:13:47.810
Diane Brandon Moody: Not to say you're doing anything wrong, that's not the point. I'm saying…

95
00:13:47.910 --> 00:13:53.439
Diane Brandon Moody: That… that kind of electricity is rarely reliable.

96
00:13:57.300 --> 00:14:01.040
Diane Brandon Moody: So, wait until… You're different.

97
00:14:01.800 --> 00:14:05.169
Diane Brandon Moody: Different you, and guys will land differently.

98
00:14:09.190 --> 00:14:14.669
Diane Brandon Moody: the advice… Was never a problem with you.

99
00:14:15.670 --> 00:14:18.210
Diane Brandon Moody: It was the wrong prescription.

100
00:14:19.590 --> 00:14:28.570
Diane Brandon Moody: And if you're wondering, which version of the U That you've been living.

101
00:14:28.700 --> 00:14:30.300
Diane Brandon Moody: I built a quiz.

102
00:14:30.520 --> 00:14:46.789
Diane Brandon Moody: And it only takes you about 96 seconds. It's a brand new quiz. I think you'll enjoy it. It's quiz.dianebrandonmoody.com. Go take the quiz, and it'll tell you about where you're landing and how ready you are.

103
00:14:47.550 --> 00:14:52.850
Diane Brandon Moody: It's pretty fun, actually. Kind of funny. I wrote it myself, I enjoyed the heck out of that.

104
00:14:53.380 --> 00:15:00.489
Diane Brandon Moody: So, you have two choices. You can get on the priority list, or you can also take the quiz.

105
00:15:00.680 --> 00:15:06.670
Diane Brandon Moody: And I am wishing… You all of the best.

106
00:15:06.980 --> 00:15:20.539
Diane Brandon Moody: And slow down the dating with the frogs, and let's find the prince, because the thing is, he's not gonna turn into a prince, he's gonna already be one. And that's… that's what matters.

107
00:15:21.420 --> 00:15:24.959
Diane Brandon Moody: It's been good talking to you, I hope you're enjoying your summer.

108
00:15:25.190 --> 00:15:30.740
Diane Brandon Moody: And I look forward to seeing you again very, very soon.

109
00:15:30.940 --> 00:15:32.070
Diane Brandon Moody: Thank you.

110
00:15:32.390 --> 00:15:34.140
Diane Brandon Moody: Diane Brandon Moody?

111
00:15:34.580 --> 00:15:36.220
Diane Brandon Moody: quiz.

112
00:15:36.430 --> 00:15:38.690
Diane Brandon Moody: Dianebrandonmoody.com.

113
00:15:39.570 --> 00:15:41.700
Diane Brandon Moody: And thanks again.