Episode 39: Dana Baltutis (Speech Pathologist and Parent Coach) - Embracing Individuality and Neurodiversity Through a Positive Lens

Unlock the secrets to nurturing your child's unique potential and discover how to view your child's development through a lens that celebrates their individuality. Have you ever felt the weight of societal pressure urging you to compare your child to others? I break down how this common urge can obscure the unique talents and gifts of your child. By shifting your perspective from what your child cannot do to what they can, and by appreciating their distinct qualities, you can help foster their authentic self. I explore the pivotal role mirror neurons play in reflecting parental expectations, and how a positive perception can inspire growth and build confidence.

In our conversation, we also turn the spotlight on empowering neurodiverse children, urging parents to celebrate their child's individual strengths and needs. Imagine viewing your child as a trailblazer who enriches community diversity. I discuss how acknowledging your child's unique contributions can help shape a supportive world that embraces neurodiversity. You have the power to create nurturing environments where your child feels seen, heard, and appreciated. Join me for insights and practical strategies designed to help you shift your mindset and foster an atmosphere where your child truly feels valued.

danabaltutis.com,  mytherapyhouse.com.au, https://mytherapyhouse.com.au/your-childs-therapy-journey/ https://www.danabaltutis.com/services

Transcript

Speaker 1 1:16

Today I want to talk about an important topic and that is about seeing your child for who they really are. As humans, we're conditioned to strive for more. Be better at who we are, compete with the people next to us at work and even next door. Compete with the people next to us at work and even next door. So much energy goes into looking over our shoulders to see if we have what the other person has. Similarly, when raising children, some parents go to playgroups and kinder gym and compare their child's development to other children's development. Billy is saying a few words already. Why isn't my child speaking yet? Mary is cruising around the table whereas my child is just sitting on the floor.

Speaker 1 2:18

By comparing our children to other children, parents raise their stress levels. They worry. They start asking questions and stop seeing their child for who they truly are. They see their child as who they think they should be, like Billy or Mary. These parents feel their child is not enough as they are. They're always expecting more. This is exacerbated when children have developmental challenges. For example, they may be slower at learning to communicate, to walk, to crawl, to talk, to make friends, or they may develop in a different way, not like other children. They may have different interests. For example, they may not like engaging in pretend play but want to recite the alphabet or numbers. I have seen this a lot in the children and families I've worked with the children and families I've worked with. The child may have unique super skills, unique super talents, but they are being overlooked because parents want their child to be like other children. But what would happen if parents could stop wanting to change their child, to make their child like someone else, but instead start seeing their child for who they are, start noticing their child's unique talents and gifts? Imagine what this type of parenting would give to the child being noticed for their authentic self, rather than them not being enough, not having the skills and capacities like others do. But they do have skills and capacities, just their unique ones. If this sounds like you, where you are worried that your child won't fit in, won't belong, won't make peer play partners, won't catch up in their milestones like other children, then keep listening.

Speaker 1 5:03

There are five main things you can do to reframe your perception about your child. First of all, I want you to forget about everyone else for this minute. Sit down and look at your child through fresh eyes. Imagine your child is the most amazing human being in the world, which they are, and start noticing your child through the lens of they can rather than they cannot. Yes, we have two different types of lenses the lens where your child can do something and the lens where your child cannot do something. The more can-nots you see, the more your child will not be able to develop. The more cans you see, the more your child will develop into their authentic self.

Speaker 1 6:11

It is often the parents who are holding the children back in their development. Okay, what we see is what we know and what we have experienced within ourselves. This phenomenon is called perception, is projection. If you, as the parent, feel like your own life is full of cannots rather than cans, cannots rather than cans, this is what you will be projecting on your child, and then your child will feel and believe they cannot. For example, if you believe you cannot be the person that you want to be, then you will be projecting this belief onto your child, although it might be unconscious, but it's still there. Then your child will start believing that they cannot. But I can hear you say I would never say that out loud to my child, I would never say that to my child, but that doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 7:26

Your child can feel your intention and your worries through something called mirror neurons. This is when we can feel what the other person may be feeling, perceive what they may be perceiving. Children are highly, highly sensitive. For example, have you ever been angry or grumpy and try to hide it? But your child could pick up on that anger or grumpiness and you think but I haven't been showing it, but your child just knows. Well, it's the same. When you are worrying or thinking, why can't my child do this, your child will feel and pick up on your can't projection and take it on themselves and then they won't be able to do it and grow and develop into their authentic selves. They will be constricted.

Speaker 1 8:37

So let's observe your child through the can lens, through the can lens. This is our next step. When you observe your child through the can lens, what do you see? A gorgeous smile, a cheeky laugh, an innocent curiosity, a unique way of acting on objects and playing with toys, a love of the outdoors, an excellent memory, an authentic way of communicating or moving. So sit down and notice at least five things your child can do and write them down. Don't listen to the cannots. Let the cans in.

Speaker 1 9:35

Thirdly, notice five more things your child can do that other children cannot do. What do you see? Are they a whiz at spinning around and around? Can they climb up so high and balance on their toes? Do they love music and can hum back the tunes? When you start looking at what your child can do, you start seeing what a special human being your child is. Nobody, nobody on this earth, is like your child. They have unique gifts that no other person has. These gifts are essential for their particular human beingness.

Speaker 1 10:37

Fourthly, let your child know that you notice their amazing gifts. Sometimes we see the child, but the child doesn't know that we see them. Tell them, use simple language, take time, look at them with warmth and a smile, and warmth and smiley eyes. Use your facial expression. Use a warm posture. Be proud Wow, you're so good at finding YouTube videos. You're such a great climber. You can climb so high. You can remember so many things. When you say it with heart and from your heart, your child will hear it, feel it and sense it. They will believe it. They will believe in themselves. This way, you are naming your child's strengths rather than focusing on their weaknesses. Focusing on their weaknesses, understand that your child is authentic and unique and they want to be seen, appreciated and loved as the unique and authentic person they are. We all know that the better you feel about yourself, the less stressed you feel. The less stressed you feel, the more you can relax. And the more you relax, the more you develop into your true self. And this goes for your children too. The more they feel appreciated and seen for who they are, the less stress they feel, the more relaxed they are and the more they can be their true selves, the more they can be open to what's around them and the more they can learn in their own special way, special way.

Empowering Neurodiverse Children

Speaker 1 13:05

And the last point I want to make today is design your child's environment to suit them, not you. I have seen many parents try to make their child fit into what they want for their child, but not what is best for their child. Of course, we think we know what's best, but is it? For example, some parents want to send their child to a school where they may not meet their child's needs but more meets the needs and fears of the parents. For example, the underlying fear here could be if I send them to a mainstream school, then nobody will notice them and they won't be different. But your child is different. They are unique, they are individual, they are beautiful. Your child, being different, may need more social supports, a sensory motor environment to learn, develop and play. They might need less children in the classroom and more supports to suit their nervous system. A bigger, louder school may cause them more anxiety and stress and even trauma, which will then have a negative impact on their learning. Same with different therapies. Same with different therapies.

Speaker 1 14:41

Some parents want their child to be able to sit at a table while reciting back words and writing with a pen, which is not really meaningful for them. It's even painful. I've seen it in the children's eyes and faces and bodies. Some parents want their child to name flashcards. But again, what is the meaning of these flashcards for the children? Is it functional? Are they developing functionally in their life? The child may need to move to learn. They may need to play to learn. They may need to have fun to learn. Sitting down and looking at flashcards, trying to write when your hand doesn't hold the pencil, may be stressful and traumatizing for your child.

Speaker 1 15:36

Again, think about what your child needs, where they're at in their development, and gravitate towards that. I hope this has helped you think more about your child as the unique individual they are, instead of someone who needs to fit into our society. See your child as a trailblazer changing the tapestry of our community. The more different unique programs, schools, groups, living arrangements we have for children and adults with neurodiversity, the more beautiful, wonderful and colourful our world will be. As your child's parent, you are in a prime position to start shaping our world to better fit your child, instead of trying to make your child fit our world. So see your child for who they are and start celebrating what they can do. The more you do this, the more they will be able to do. This is a mindset. It's a shift in mindset and only you can change your mindset. Take care and look for all the cans Until next time. Bye for now.