Unschooling Series with Paige Carter (Parent, Advocate, Community Leader, Business Owner) Week 9: When We Stop Pushing, Children Start Healing

What changes when a child’s wellbeing takes the lead and everything else rearranges around it? In this series finale with Paige Carter of Inclusive Oak, we follow a family through unschooling and burnout recovery, anchored by one unforgettable moment: a teacher who shows up at a caravan park simply to say hello, offer a gift, and hold the thread of belonging. No pressure, no performance—just proof that connection travels.

You’ll leave with three anchors to navigate your own journey: educate yourself about your child’s neurotype and what actually helps, connect with people who truly get it, and invest in your own healing so you can stop pushing past capacity and start trusting your gut. If this conversation helped you reframe, share it with a friend, subscribe for more grounded stories, and leave a review to help others find the show. What quiet win are you celebrating this week?

inclusiveoak.com.au

danabaltutis.com,  mytherapyhouse.com.au, https://mytherapyhouse.com.au/your-childs-therapy-journey/ https://www.danabaltutis.com/services

Transcript

Series Finale Setup

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Hi, and welcome to our last session on the unschooling series of the Empowered Parent Podcast with Paige Carter from Inclusive Oak. Hi, Paige. Thank you again for joining me. And you've been so consistent over the last few weeks. And thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for having me back again and again, listening to my story. Love it. So Oak Oak is there with you, like not right now, but you're all you guys are all together. Where are you?

Small Wins And The Pool Update

SPEAKER_00 3:09

So at the moment, we are in a caravan park in the Barossa Valley in full-time living in our caravan before we take off in two and a half weeks.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Excellent. So just quickly, how has this week been? Because last week you talked about Oak wanting, he actually initiated an idea to go to the swimming pool. And although that was like 10 or 15 minutes, it was an idea that he initiated and then he came back. What were some things, the wins this week?

A Teacher’s Visit And Belonging

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Uh yeah, so this week he's been a bit more quiet. He played a lot more games than he did last week. I think last week was the novelty of oh, there's a pool here, and this week it's kind of like, yeah, there's a pool here, cool. But he's still done really well. He's still gone in there a few times. We just got out not long before we came on here. I think this week a real big win was tonight. Oakland's teacher actually came to visit him, which was really beautiful from school. She's just so lovely. And he engaged with her. He he didn't engage with her like he used to, but he still came out and he said hello and he gave her a hug and they had a photo together, and and it was just really nice for him, you know, to see that he's not forgotten. Um and that you know, she still sees him and values him as part of her class, as she always did, even though he's not there. And it was something special with him, someone came specifically for him, uh, which was a big win, I think. So, yeah, it was really beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

That is such a beautiful story, Pai, and just the heart of the teacher who did that. Yeah, she's beautiful. And that just shows that even when our kids are not going to school, it's a really big thing for the kids and for the parents. I'm sure it was a big thing for you as well.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

It was, yeah, because his teacher was the one that initiated it. She messaged me and like said, Would you mind if I came and because I've got a present for Oakland as I do for you know my whole class, and I'd love to see him and before you take off. And it just it really warmed my heart. And I said to her tonight, like, you don't understand how much that meant to me that you still included him in in in a way that would suit his needs, you know. You didn't say, Oh, if he wants to come into school, this is here. Like, you completely accommodated to his needs, and yeah, it was I I got all emotional. Uh but both her and I did tonight. We got very emotional because she was his only teacher, she was his reception and you one teacher, and she was just honestly, you couldn't have asked for a better, more understanding teacher. So that was just such a beautiful end to it, the fact that she came here and spent time with him in his space, and yes, he was just still included. It was just really nice.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

That's beautiful, and you know, no expectations, right? Just a visit.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Um, and like he he like he went inside and then he'd come out and he'd talk to her for a bit, then he went inside, and then he'd come out. So, yeah, there was no expectation on her, and she's like, It's fine, like I'm happy I've just seen him and I've given him his little present, and that was that was there was no expectation from her end of what you know she wanted him to be like at all. And you know, he has changed a lot since he's seen her last. He's a much more reserved now. I mean, he used to be a very in-your-face kid, very social, and he's he's definitely since all of this burnout kind of gone a bit, yeah, like reserved, I guess. So step back, right? Uh yeah, not like not as social as he used to be, and that how she would know him. Um, and she just went with it, you know. Whatever he wanted, you know, however he wanted to engage with her, she just went with it, and there was no pressure on her end at all. And yeah, she's just when you get a good teacher, oh, you just appreciate them so much.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

And and I love that you can tell that story because for anyone that's listening, you know, that's basically what you're looking at. It's not necessarily a teacher that knows what to exactly do in the classroom, but still has the connection, even when the child is not in like concretely in her flock, but yeah. Like she's holding him in his her mind, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah, from day one, she just worked really hard to form a beautiful connection with him, and that was the most important thing to her was that she was a safe person with him, and that was what we always prioritized, and yeah, she she just did such a fabulous job.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Amazing, and I guess I just want to go back, Paige. I remember you had a meeting with uh um Prime Minister Malinelskas. Have you heard anything back? I haven't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

So a couple months ago, right? Yes, I met with him on the 14th of October. Um, and then on the 14th of November, I sent a follow-up email saying, you know, it's been a month. I just wanted to follow up. You know, looking forward to hearing back from you. And now on the 14th of December, so this coming Sunday, I'll send another email saying, you know, now it's been two months. I'm just following up again, and then come January. My plan is from the 14th of January to send emails weekly.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Weekly.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Yep.

Advocacy After Meeting The Premier

SPEAKER_02 8:46

Yeah, right. So basically, I remember when you came out of that meeting, you were like, I'm not sure how it went, but he said he was going to follow up and get back to me. So, really, realistically, these things take a long time, don't they?

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Yeah. Uh and part of me thinks that they rely on you giving up.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Not me, mate.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

No. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, and it is important to keep following up, right? That's advocacy.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah, the advocate in me doesn't give up, especially when I'm so passionate about it. And you know, it affects it affects my family so severely and thousands more, right? It's a much bigger issue than just just my child, and it's something that I'm so passionate about because the effects that it has on families is just cruel and it shouldn't it shouldn't be happening.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Absolutely. And I guess the other thing I want to ask you, Paige, is how is your business going while you're sitting in your caravan and unschooling, deschooling, homeschooling? Like, how's that going for you?

SPEAKER_00 9:56

So it's definitely been a bit slower because I've had to take a step back from it since I've been home with them full-time since the middle of September. But it's it's it's still plotting along nicely. I'm still, you know, running all the masterclasses and the education calls and the clarity calls and hosting coffee catch-ups. I'm still doing all the things. It's just I really haven't advertised my business as much as I used to. And I I'm definitely not kind of getting new members in like I used to, just because I'm not putting that. I'm I'm I guess I'm giving the capacity that I have to my current members instead of you know getting new members in at the moment. But come the new year when we're full-time traveling in my husband's home, I will be really getting stuck into my business again and helping as many families as I possibly can throughout next year.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

I love that. I love that. And what about the school drop-offs for Lacey? How have they been going?

Business On Pause And Refocus

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Um, they've actually gotten a lot better. Yeah, it's surprisingly, since being here in the caravan park, they've been, yeah, they've been good. It's not been too bad. I feel like we've definitely turned a corner. We haven't been seeing really many meltdowns, not big ones. You know, he still has his moments, but they're not as big and as explosive as they were. And he overcomes them much quicker, and there's definitely lesser of them. I feel like he's definitely moving through those stages, like we spoke about with Sarah from our PDA kids, how our kids that are in burnout they go through the stages. I feel like he's slowly, you know, coming somewhat out of burnout. You know, he's still got a long way to go. He's still very withdrawn, not social like he used to be, not interested in making friends or anything like that. But he's he's there there's still wins there in the meltdowns, and he's not as dysregulated. You know, he's enjoying things. Actually, another win. I don't know if I spoke about this on last week's podcast. I can't remember, but a couple of weekends ago we went to his zoo. I think I did. Yeah, yes, and he he engaged and he had the best time, he was running around, and so it's nice to be able to see him do those things again.

Meltdowns Easing And Burnout Stages

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Yeah, I love that. I love that. So, as we're wrapping up, and we've been together for about what, nine weeks, page, something like that, which has been really nice. And so, what are some of the things that you yourself have learnt from this experience, not from the podcasting experience, but from the de-schooling experience?

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Definitely just to trust my gut. So, my gut told me to pull Oakland from school, and my intuition told me to pull Oakland from school far earlier than I did. But I kept pushing, and I shouldn't have. I should have followed my gut right from you know, the moment that it said nope to need to pull him out. Yeah, just to and also to forget about everyone else's opinion, because I think that was a big thing that weighed on my mind that if I pulled him from school, what what were other people gonna say? What was the backlash of that going to be? And I let that kind of prolong me pulling him from school. But I that will always sit with me, you know, that I'll always resulted for that, I think. But a big thing for me that I've learnt and that I have been putting into practice in other areas of my life since is just to follow my intuition, trust that, and forget about what everyone else may say or think.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Do you feel like you've become more confident and grounded as a parent? Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yeah, and just able to like really kind of see what matters and what doesn't. And you know, this whole experience and open being in that burnout and us being home so much throughout this time, it's actually given me time to work on myself as well. So I've done a lot of my own healing in this time, a lot of journaling and stuff like that, which has been really good for me.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

I love that. I love that. And if Oak could tell us uh what he thinks that were the most important lessons for us, what do you think he would say?

SPEAKER_00 15:21

I think he would just want me to trust the process and not push him past his capacity. Yeah, because definitely I'm guilty of that. Like I'm guilty of pushing him past his capacity and trying to get him to do more, you know, go to school, engage with his therapist when he just didn't have the capacity. And I I think that he would want me to learn to just trust the process and not push him too far.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

And and maybe follow his lead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe also really see his meltdowns and the quote unquote behaviors as cries for help and communication, right? He's communicating something in the only way that he knows how. Yeah, and and I think you know, when parents reach out to us and say, Oh, my child's got a behavior issue. I want to, I want some help, I need to to know what to do. You know, my instinct is like, yeah, you've got to talk to me or you've got to talk to us because we're gonna tell you to lay off and do nothing, you know, like just give them space and let's just see where the triggers are, where the stressors are, right? I think that's really important. That's very important. And what what was the most challenging for you?

Lessons Learned: Trusting Intuition

SPEAKER_00 16:54

That was really hard for me. I'm not a I'm not a big stature, I'm quite a small person. And I also have you know my own personal triggers, I guess, from Oakland's violence from my own upbringing that it really triggered me. So dealing with that aggression when he's quite a big boy was really, really hard for me. It was, yeah, it was definitely really, really challenging to deal with that day in, day out, multiple times a day, just walking on eggshells, not you know, even being too scared to ask your own son what he would like for breakfast, or you know, if he'd like a drink or anything like that, and then it just turning into this cool boy meltdown. So I definitely found that really tricky. And I think I'll always find aggression tricky to cope with because it like I said, it triggers my own past traumas. And another thing I felt I found really hard to deal with was the fact that we lost Oakland support worker very like I think it was a week after we decided to exempt him from school. So I've done all of this on my own since you know September, early September, I think it was. I don't know, yeah. So I've done it all, I've had him all day, every day on my own. And I I'm quite someone that was always busy, I was always working, I was always out doing something, going from one thing to the next. So it forced me to slow down because I was with Oakland at home that I couldn't I was stuck, couldn't take into all the things that I'd normally do. So that was really hard for me, but at the same time, that's had some some of its perks as well because I was forced to slow down. Um I think yeah, doing it, doing it on my own, being with Oakland all day, every day has certainly been a bit flippy.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

And you know, it's interesting when we do get triggered by kids' behaviors and they're, you know, really those big behaviors and those big feelings because they can't modulate them, we do start labeling them like, you know, and and I heard you say it as well, you know, like the word violence. And you know, I'm a speech pathologist, so I always put a big, I always put a big emphasis on words. And and I think, you know, for kids it's more about, you know, let's talk about that they can't modulate their feelings in a in a regulated way, and they basically lash out, it's lashing out, right? But to me, the word violence, you know, when I hear violence, it's almost like purposeful, right? And often kids, if he knew what he was doing, like it's because a brain, the brain is triggered. It's a it's an illness, right? It's an illness. And, you know, sometimes people have the medication for it. Sometimes, you know, for adults, we try and give them some therapy, cognitive therapy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I think, you know, because I've had a lot of families that have written, you know, what are you worried about your child? They are very, very violent, and then already we're in that mindset that the child is violent. So if we're in that mindset, they're going to be violent. Does that make sense? You know? So I always think about, you know, just to be mindful about what we label our kids. And I love the way you reflect on your own trauma page, because our trauma filters what we see and how we label it, right? And then the more we label it, the more we see it from our filters, the more it's going to come through through those filters as what we as what we see. But if you, you know, like you have done, you know, you've said, oh, it's he was just having a burnout. He was just absolutely, that was it. It was like the rubber band, there's no more give in that rubber band, that's it. Then we really start thinking about being more compassionate towards our kids rather than blaming, right? And I know that's not what you meant, but I know other people thinking about it going, yeah, yeah, my kids really, really, really violent. You know, when they're so young, I always think, okay, what does that mean? And when is it coming? And you know, things like that. And as you said, he was at his he was at his wit's end, basically.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

I think a big I think, yeah, that there's always room for you know reframing and different word choices, and and I think it just comes with part of the growth. I love that. Yeah, part of the part of the journey. I think that I don't know that I necessarily use the word violent, but I I probably did use it. But like I've always used the word aggression.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Still now I would love to find like a replacement for that because I feel like that's quite a harsh word. Um, but also something that I've always concentrated on is because it there's a lot of support for the kids, right? Like there's there's a lot of therapists and stuff for the kids, but also validating and this is what I concentrate on is validating and understanding the parent experience as well. 100% and and allowing them just to have moments of, you know, like of this is this is my heart, and I don't want to have to think about the way that I say it, or yeah, like I just want to be able to get it out. And I think that's something really important that I've created in my intention collected community is that there are safe spaces where you can just come and vent and not not have to think about the way that you say it or offending anybody. No, no, like just having that safe space to be like, this is really hard right. Now and I just want to say that this sucks.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

Yeah. And I think you're right. Yes. And you're a hundred percent right. And and I think, you know, to say it and get it off your chest and say it in the raw and what it is and how it's coming from your heart and your mind and and everything else. And have that opportunity for someone to support you to reframe. Absolutely. Because that's the next step, right? Because it's one thing to have like a big, let's have a whole brainstorm, or you know, like let's just all vomit out our words, and then you know, you still need to work on them. And that's why I love neurolinguistic programming, because uh neurolinguistic programming is really about it, you uh you say exactly what's there, but then you work on your unconscious mind because your unconscious mind has got a lot of the trauma that it's been carrying unconsciously, and it's working through that, which you do a lot. You're not you're not yet an NLP practitioner, but you will be, Paige. You will be.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Well, Brendan, Brenda's next on my list. I want to.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Yeah, but you definitely, definitely work with supporting parents to start thinking and looking at things a bit differently, you know, because you've got to start where they're at, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Yeah, and that's the thing, yeah, just having safe places for them to start where they're at is important.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

And I love that, you know, you're a parent and you support parents, which you know, it's all lived experience, right? It's so important, so important. It is, yeah. So, what were the surprises for you?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Uh, surprises. Uh so for me, a big surprise is how well Oakland settled into being in the caravan and how well he adjusted to us, you know, packing up our phone. I'm sorry, I'm getting eaten alive by Mossy's out here. Okay, yeah, we won't take long. So there's a little bit of the reality of living in a caravan for you. So, yeah, sorry, the surprises definitely how well I adjusted to this new way of living. He's not been phased by it at all, and you know that people kept saying to me, Oh, how's he coping with you packing up your stuff? How's he coping about his things being put away and things changing, and then like going from living in a whole big house to a little tiny space, and oh, he's not gonna cope, and he's just handled it like an absolute superstar. That transition has been really fine for him. I think it's because we've done a lot of traveling in the past and he enjoys it. But even so, you know, I didn't know how he would cope with yeah, such a big transition that it's not just been a couple of days. Yeah, yeah. But it's been you know, it's longer than that. Yeah, and his his ability to adapt and adjust has definitely surprised me. Uh, but it's been a welcome surprise, actually.

Doing It Solo And Slowing Down

SPEAKER_02 26:19

That's fantastic. And and I guess, Paige, like as we're finishing this journey together, what would be you know, what would be a thought that you could leave some families that are listening tonight? What would what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Oh my goodness, there's so much that I always want to say to new families. Your feelings are valid. Anything you feel is valid, and it's okay. Don't be ashamed of your of your feelings. I'm I can assure you that every single parent that has experienced this life has felt the same thing as you. But it's so, so, so important not to stay stuck in those feelings and to reach out, find your community, connect with others who get it, and educate yourself on your child's disability and different ways of living, go through your own self-discovery journey. You know, there's like that, they are my three recipes to success, right? Gain education in a way that works for you and your child's disability, on yourself, on a new way of life. Connect with others who get it and make sure you feel part of a community. If we can't find that, I have it right here for you. Just reach out to me.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

And I'm sorry, this is not a sales pitch, but no, because I can see you're so passionate about it, and like I always leave your your details in the show notes. Yeah, Paige Carter, what can I say? Thank you from the depth of my heart for your time, for your openness, for your transparency, for your heart, and for Oakland, who is teaching us so much.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

I'm just so grateful. Any any parent that's listening to this, I'm just so grateful for the your time you've given me to share our story, but also for anyone that's listening, and just all I can hope is that I've made a difference and made you maybe just think a different way or know that you know, giving you a bit of a path to follow.

unknown 28:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Well, Paige, I can't wait to hear about your trip. I can't wait to be reading your blog. And you know, all the best in your travels. And I will definitely be catching up with you when you get back, and if not before. And you know, thank you for being who you are, and thank you for doing such important work in the world. You know, everyone needs a page in their life.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Oh, I'm so grateful, honestly. I've just, yeah. This being, you know, as hard as becoming a parent of autistic children is, and then going through this whole journey, it's honestly the best experience I've ever had in my life. Like being part of the neurodivergent community is just something so special. So, yeah, I'm just so grateful. Thank you, Paige. Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow.