The Power of Words

Transcript

Jim: 0:00

Hello and welcome to this episode of Decide on Joy, a podcast coming to you from Harmony Spiritual Center in Fort Worth, Texas. My name is Jim Kovalt and

Pjae: 0:11

I'm Rev. Dr. P. J. Stanley and welcome to I'm so glad you're here today.

Jim: 0:16

And maybe, maybe it would be a good thing to just review what this is about. Why are we doing this? We talked about that earlier. And I think it would be a good thing to mention it.

Pjae: 0:26

Exactly. So, you know, it's always good to know what your why. You know, why are you doing whatever it is you're doing? Why are we here? And we're here because we believe, I believe, we believe that, you know, we all have a reason. a purpose in life and we're all here to live the best life that we possibly can. I don't know anyone that's saying, let me just go out and have a bad life. I don't think anybody does that. And yet there's a lot of confusion about how to bring that in. We believe that we co create our lives with this divine spirit. And so if that's the case, then what is our part in it? How do we do, what are the principles that are involved? What are the words we say? How do we make sure that we are doing our part to draw in and to have the life that we're looking for? So that's. That's the reason why we do this is so that we can help wherever we can help people who have decided that they want to get their hands on the wheels of their life and create a life that they want to live. And so we just want to be able to be helpful in that if we can. That's what we're here for. Okay.

Jim: 1:23

Yeah. And today's topic, today's title is the power of words. Yes. What is the power of words?

Pjae: 1:34

Words are so, they're, they shape how we think about things. The words that are in our heads, the words that come out of our mouth, actually influence how we behave. They influence what we, you know, what we expect to come. They're, they're just, it feels like we're just saying just any old thing, but we're really, we really aren't. That's Begin to understand that words have power to influence us and to influence how, what we think and to influence what comes into our lives. And we're going to get more particular about the words that we use and what we say. I want to start with a quote from the Bible, Luke 6 45 and says this, the good man brings good things. out of the good stored up in his heart, and the mean spirited man brings unkind thoughts out of the cruelty stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks. And so when we think about words that are coming out of our mouth, really the question becomes what's in our heart. What does our heart believe? What do we believe is possible for ourselves? What do we, what do we, what's our intention? What do we think that we're here for? Or that, that we, that we can have. And so it's really about your thoughts and all that, but really the words that are coming out of your mouth are, are influenced by what's going on in your heart. And how you feel about the world, you and the world.

Jim: 3:08

So, but, a lot of people would think that, that your emotions are in fact directing the words. And this is suggesting that it couldn't be the other way around. I'm

Pjae: 3:23

suggesting that the emotions are coming from the words you're using. That's what I think. I believe that the word that the emotion that you're feeling. So if you, you think about it, you know, we're, we're driving over here and I think I was slow taking off from a, from a, from a light earlier. Just talking with you and you know, who knows what was going on in my head. And the person behind me just, just slightly tapped. And just beep, and I waved, you know, I said, Thank you and and moved on. That's because there was for me, there was no need to get upset. I was wrong. I was slow. I don't know who knows what they have going on in their lives. I need to get going. But what could have come out of me was, and I'm not going to use these words, but you know, I mean, traffic is a. is one of the, one of the examples that I use a lot for the behaviors that we have and what, and the emotions that we, the words that we use that I believe cause a lot of emotion. So if we don't look at somebody and go, you're such a jerk, then our behaviors aren't going to manifest jerky stuff. If we look at that person and go, Oh, sweet baby, you know, okay, it's okay. You're, you're okay with me. I'm okay. And that's it. Then how you're feeling about it is going to change. So the power of how the words you choose to use affects how your heart's going to be. It affects the behaviors you're going to have. It really does. And we have the power to choose the words we want to use. We have the power to think about that

Jim: 4:49

and choose that. And can also, I mean the way we talk about affirmations and positive affirmations and everything you've got. Those are meant to actually be able to affect the world, to affect

Pjae: 5:07

what

Jim: 5:08

happens to you, not just how you feel.

Pjae: 5:10

It is, it is. I think it does affect how you feel, but yeah, it does. Affirmations and so let me just back up a little bit. Part of what goes on for us is is, is what we call the collective consciousness, the collective knowing that everybody knows that you've got to go to school for 12 years. You've got to do that. You know, there's just stuff that everybody knows. And sometimes things that, yeah, exactly. He's doing your head like, what, what does everybody know? Exactly. Some of the things that everybody knows isn't necessarily true for you. For you and yet you're using those words that people are saying and you and you're taking them on yourself And if you stop to think what are the words it's like that one from from I think it's a line from The Princess Bride What is that word you keep using? I don't think it means what you think it means So if we stop to think what is that word that I'm using Why am I choosing to use that word? What do I really mean? Or what am I trying to bring into my life? It's so powerful when you just stop for a second and think about what you're saying and what the effect of those words will have on you and the people around you, particularly in relationship. And who is it in relationship? Of all kind.

Jim: 6:24

Right. Of all kinds. Yeah, and it can be particularly important there. It's

Pjae: 6:28

particularly important. Particularly important. And we didn't talk about this. We've talked about this in a previous podcast. I'm sure we'll talk about it again, but, but it just in terms of setting your intention. So when you think about your words before you use them, the question you could ask yourself is what is my intention? What is it that I'm trying to do before I speak? Before I speak. Particularly in a love relationship, in a friend relationship, in a family relationship, before you speak and say something that someone could misconstrue, because the words are used, could be one thing or another, Think about what is my intention here and what do I want these words to convey? And that just thinking about that would possibly help you change the words and do words that are, that are softer, that are more heartfelt, and that will get across the actual intention you meant instead of getting people flipping out because you chose the wrong word.

Jim: 7:24

Yeah. Particularly tricky. Now that so much of our communication is by email or text message and That means that you're not seeing the reaction. You are not. So you don't necessarily know that they took those words in the way you intended them. You don't. You know, it's, it's, it's very hard. I tried, if it, if it's a case where the, like an email has any significance at all, I try and not send it immediately. Absolutely. Because I can read it. Let it sit for half an hour, go back and read it and say, Oh,

Pjae: 7:53

Oh, hang on, hang on.

Jim: 7:56

Could have phrased that differently.

Pjae: 7:58

And if you, that very point you're making about the email, if we did that very thing with the words we speak, instead of just letting those words fire off, the moment you think about them, if you could just reread them. You could just rethink about them before you send them out.

Jim: 8:13

Yes.

Pjae: 8:14

You may change your mind because it's, it could very well not get back the results you're looking for.

Jim: 8:18

Produce some long lags in conversation.

Pjae: 8:22

You know, and that's so interesting that you, that you say that, because I remember it's, this is so impactful to me. And this happened back in, I think 1995, where I was at a, at a women's conference and the speaker, she was saying, you know, when someone says something or ask you something, you don't have to answer right away. And I just, and I said. I just, I was up in arms about it in my own mind and I just fired up, you know, after it was over, just ran up to the, get in line to speak with her. And I, when I got to speak to her, I said, that is nonsense. If someone says something, you have to respond right back. And she said, why? Why do you have to respond right back? What would happen if you just pause to think about what they said and what you would like to respond back? Well, what happens? Just try it right now. Try it right now. I'm talking to you. What would happen if you just took a second before you said something back to me? And it was powerful her telling me to try it And so yeah, no, you don't have to speak right away Just because someone you can even say if you're going to take longer than it seems necessary Just give me a second. I want to I want to be contemplative Contemplative about what you just said and respond in a way that I actually mean so give me a second What's wrong with saying that? We just feel like we just gotta go, like the conversation has to go back and forth, back and forth really fast. It does not. It does not. Even in your own mind, the conversation can slow down since you can reflect on what is your intention.

Jim: 9:47

Yeah, yeah, make a conscious effort to do that. You have to sort of program to, to,

Pjae: 9:53

yes. And I love what you said about the fact that it has to be a conscious effort. This is what we're talking about. This is what decide on joy is about being consciously intentionally looking at your life and saying, what do I want? Why, why am I, we are on auto, auto, Autobehavior a lot. Autoresponses a lot. Because it's easier. It's habit. Habitual. It's easier. And not everything needs to be particularly because we grow and evolve. So the way that you may have responded five years ago to something might not be who you are right now, but you're automatically responding to that. So again, you're just being consciously reflective about why am I, what is my intention here and what's the best way to do that or say this.

Jim: 10:35

Right.

Pjae: 10:36

And even when you're talking to yourself, the same thing. Why am I saying this to myself? I don't believe that about me anymore.

Jim: 10:41

Yeah.

Pjae: 10:41

I don't. You know?

Jim: 10:44

Yes. I, I'm frequently saying to myself, why are you, why are you thinking that? Why are you saying that? Exactly. What?

Pjae: 10:50

One of the, one of the easiest ways to, to think about that is your, your thoughts, whatever they are, about money. We have a lot of, of collective consciousness about money. About money being the root of all evil, and just so many thoughts about money. And so, when you find yourself not getting the, not having the kind of abundance that you want, or, you know, not having the money in your savings account, you can start to think about, well, what would happen if I had money? And what is my concern about having money? Well, one of the concerns I had was, if you get a little money, something's gonna come take it away anyway. So what's the, yes, I, yes, that was a, that was a thought that I had, but I had to, I had to consciously hear that. And so whenever I was thinking about money, that other second thought was in my mind. So it actually stopped. My ability to be abundant. Hmm, right, right.

Jim: 11:41

Yeah, I can sort of recognize a different version of that. Okay Yeah

Pjae: 11:49

Exactly so words are powerful and we have a we have the ability to decide what we're gonna say Decide on joy. Decide on the words you want to use. Decide on what you want your life to look like. The power of decision. Maybe that's another, another topic if we haven't already spoken about that. And even if we have, we'll talk about it again.

Jim: 12:05

Maybe, maybe sideways we spoke about it, but I don't think it's been an actual topic. Yeah,

Pjae: 12:11

I think so.

Jim: 12:12

And so, yeah. You can use words to get you out of a negative mindset. Not just about money, but about

Pjae: 12:20

Exactly.

Jim: 12:21

Whatever.

Pjae: 12:22

Any number of things. I, I, I, I shared this story, I think, one Sunday when I was And I knew, even as I was doing it, I knew what was going on in my mind was coming from the fact that I was super tired. It should not have been around people to begin with. Don't do it. Don't do it. And so I had gone into a store. I just wanted to quickly go get something and come back out because I was tired, but I wanted to get some milk before I went home. And jumped out of the car, grabbed the milk, Came to the front to pay for it and had left my purse in the car, my wallet. So, you know, I told the, the, the guy, the, the, the cashier that I'm going to just drop my stuff right here and I'll come right back and get it. And he never looked at me, never. So I'm thinking, so I had all kinds of stories in my head. Oh, young people, he's not even listening to me. I'm too old for, you know, just on and on and on in my head. When I finally got to my car, I just thought, you are crazy right now. You're acting crazy. Stop it. You don't know this kid. You don't know what's on his mind. He wasn't thinking anything about you. And in fact, I even had a thing going in my head about, I'm going to talk to his manager. What I had gone all the way down. And finally, by the time I walked in, I had calmed down and realized it was just me and it turned out the kid was actually pretty funny. He did see me. He did understand what I was saying and he was joking with me when I came back in. So it was a whole different scenario than I had imagined.

Jim: 13:47

How

Pjae: 13:48

many times have we done that? Just gone on down the road with a scenario that's only in our heads. Nobody's thinking that. But you.

Jim: 13:55

Right. And you can, I think, the notes here say we can, inspire change with your words. We can. On a larger scale than just your own.

Pjae: 14:10

Part of the, and I don't know that it's necessary, I don't know if it's, it's, it's, when I was thinking about inspiring change, I'm thinking about. you know, inside you, that you begin to, and I'm going to go back to the money thing. When I finally realized that I had those couple of thoughts about it negative, as I was saying, claiming that I wanted more, there are other things in my mind and it's inspired me to say I know. The universe is abundant. I know this. I know this in my, I know this in my mind. I don't know this in my heart. So if I can just change the words and change and let go of something, let go of that second voice that was in my head and go, and actually, when we talked about affirmations and did not affirmations the other day, I don't know if I talked about affirmations and denials. It's two things that work together. You affirm something. The universe is abundant. And when something else comes up and says, Oh, but you're going to, the money's going to go away. You can deny that. That's not true. And then come back with an affirmative. What is true is that the universe is abundant. So when you try to do something back to your comment about inspiring, you can inspire change in yourself and in others. Because as you are moving forward, Changing the way your relationship might look, you know, I talked with you earlier about about something that I, my, my, my former husband was trying to share with me that I didn't get for 10 years. It literally 10 years for me to understand what he was saying. And when I finally understood, it completely changed how I looked at an argument. It really, he was trying to tell me that we don't have to have arguments. What I want to do is understand your point of view. And I was looking at every conversation we had as an argument. And that's not what he was telling me, but it took me 10 years to understand that. But finally I got it and it inspired me to be different. It inspired me to hear differently and not to put my own judgments on things and say, and even just say, if I had a thought about what you're saying, I can just ask you, what do you mean by that? Instead of assuming, I could just say, I don't quite understand that. What do you mean? Okay. Well, what happened if you said that? People want to explain themselves. People want to talk. They want to be understood and heard. Why can't we do that? We can't. And even within yourself, you can even ask yourself, What in the world are you talking about, girl? Just, just like I did walking out to that parking lot, just acting crazy. I had to talk to myself and say, stop that! That's insane.

Jim: 16:40

Well, let's hope that these words are, are having a bit of inspiration for someone who's listening and we thank you for being here and look forward to your being here next time. Yes. Thanks.

Pjae: 16:52

Thank you all so much for being here. We'll see you next time.