Tell the Truth

Transcript

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Yep. Hello, and welcome to this edition of Decide on Joy, a podcast coming to you from Harmony Spiritual Center in Fort Worth, Texas. My name is Jim Kovalt. And my name is Rev. Dr. P. J. Stanley. Thank you so much for being here with us today. This is a podcast about basic elements of New Thought Spirituality and how they work in daily life. And things beyond that, if it takes our mood to go somewhere else. This episode is called Tell the Truth to Self and Others. An initial question, well, this is not the initial question you had, but it's one that immediately occurs to me when you say that. Cause truth now Yes relative is such that does such a thing exist exactly, you know, exactly that is it that is it that exactly it because you Know one person's truth is not necessarily another person's truth So you took you're looking at perceptions and things like that But when we're talking about tell the truth tell the truth as you know It tell the truth as you and your heart know it to be true for you So you can't tell someone else's truth. You don't know their truth You can only tell the truth as you see it, as you know it, for you. And when I say tell the truth, I mean the truth about yourself. About what you're feeling, what you're saying, what you're doing. And it starts with telling yourself the truth. Because we tell ourselves little lies all the time. You know, I'm doing that to help you. Are you? How is that helping me? You tell me that my dress is ugly. How is that helping? So, so, and that may be true, but how is that helping? So so yeah, so, so yeah, the truth is definitely relative, but I'm talking about really telling the truth to yourself. Why is that necessary? Exactly. You know, so we. We, we're raised with this whole thing about what's, you know, what's right and what's wrong and tell the truth and, and then, because we had this conversation a couple, a couple weeks ago, you and I, about, you know my, my, my little grandniece saying that she saw this guy with this fat belly in the, in his, in his, mowing his lawn and it looks just like her dad's fat belly and her mom and grandmother's, huh, huh, don't, don't say that, don't say that, and, but it was true. I mean the guy, you know, so, so we tell our kids to tell the truth, but only, what, when? In certain circumstances, so that's a confusing, we have a lot of confusion around what truth is and all of that. We also have other things that we talk about, about not hurting people's feelings and all that kind of thing. So, So, there's a lot of questions around when the truth is necessary. Yeah. Right? When is it necessary? And, and, and what is your point? Like, what is the reason you're telling this, and I'm doing this in quotes, truth? Right. But I can easily imagine situations where, I mean, I don't have a concrete one right at the top of my head, but I can imagine situations where someone will ask me a question and I know that telling them the truth is not going to work. It's not going to work. It's not going to be beneficial. It really is very official and you know, sometimes you hear and we, we, we have to trust our heart to know what's really being asked and what's really being said here. So someone could ask you, you know, tell me the truth about this, but are they really ready to hear the truth? Because I really believe we already know the truth. We're, we're asking for, we're not actually asking for truth, we're asking for confirmation. We're asking for confirmation a lot. And so if you can't actually confirm their truth, then what do you do? Do you lie? So one of the things that I've begun to say to people when this is really, this is actually a truth for me is that I actually can see that for you. I got, I don't necessarily see it for someone else. I might not necessarily see it working out, but I can see this truth for you. And I can say that and that is the truth for me. That is what I see. I can see, I can really see that working for you. Yeah, and I can say that. So, what's the truth you can see? What's the truth you can tell? If part of what you're trying to do is to care for that person, if you're in a relationship with that person, you know, if you don't care for the person, well, that's a different story. And why are you even talking to them is a whole other, that's a whole other subject and a whole other podcast. you do talk to people. Exactly. You don't necessarily care for them. Right. And then, you know, do we want to Get into this whole truth or not truth. Yeah, right. No, absolutely. But yeah, I was thinking more of situations where, like, someone says, What do you think of this color for that wall? Or whatever. Right. What level of truth you can I like that. I like that question. You know, do you, do you Particularly if it's a color that they have chosen for some reason, obviously. Clearly, because they're showing it to you. have it on the wall, then, you know. So that they're committed. You have to think. Am I going to say, well no, actually I think it's hideous? Or are you going to say, oh yeah, not what I would have picked, but it's good. Exactly, so I'm glad you point that, because I actually have, in my house, Have you been to my house? I think that bright blue color that I have on my cabinet, that is a wild, bright blue. And the reason why I chose it is because it makes me feel like I'm outdoors and there's not a lot of windows in my home. And I wanted to feel, in my kitchen, I wanted to be bright. So I have sunflowers and this bright blue color. And most people will walk into my house and go, wow! That is blue. Well, that is true. Yes. It is blue. And I know what they're thinking. But after they're in it for a while, they actually come back and go, You know, that kind of shocked me at the beginning, but I actually like that. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. I understand completely. Yeah. And so what they said when they first went, Wow, that's blue. That's the truth. Yes. And you understand what they're trying to say. Yes, they're trying to be nice. Yes. They're putting the truth nicely. Yes. Yes. So. And what happens when you don't tell the truth? Why does it, why does it matter anyway? So I just, I just think that, again, all the things that I, I, I'm trying to talk about here with harmony and new thought and about creating a life that you can love. is that you have to like yourself first. You do. You have to like yourself. That's, that's one of the things that you work on because how do you, how do you give what you don't have? How do you like others when you don't really know how to like yourself or love yourself? That's number one. So if you become a liar, your, your, your, your heart and your mind knows. That you're a liar. So it doesn't actually even believe you when you're trying to tell it something, your mind something that you want to do. You want to say something like, Oh, we do this all the time. I'm going to lose, I'm going to lose 20 pounds. Yeah, you've said that before. This is your mind talking back at you. You've said that before. You, you don't really want to do that. So you, your mind already knows that you're going to be lying to it. So the, so the, so, so it has heard you tell, tell lies and not necessarily even lies. Perhaps you had intended to do it, but you didn't. So as far as the mind is concerned, you've lied. You haven't actually done what you said you're going to do. So it doesn't trust you. You begin not to trust yourself. So part of it is you trusting yourself, knowing that you're going to speak the truth as you know it, as best you can. And you've done that. So your mind knows that you are doing that. You are saying the best you can, this is the truth I know right now at this moment. And given the other things that you're trying to do in terms of your value, this is a truth that I can say and still love somebody. Okay. So that's a value for me as well. So I don't want to hurt people's feelings. So it's important for your own growth and their own understanding and loving and caring for yourself and believing yourself that, you know, I tell the truth. When someone else says I've had people, here's what I never had at my first, actually my first and second husband they've had experiences with people. Not both of them. The first one was a liar. The second one wasn't, but it's had people lie to him so much, so they, they assumed that I was lying. Because that was their experiences. And I don't, I don't lie. I don't want to. It's, it's a, it's a thing for me that I simply want to tell the truth. And so I don't. But I'm not going to try to convince you that I'm telling the truth. That's the work for you to do. That's your work. My work is I know that I'm telling the truth. If you don't, well, you don't. Yeah. It's up to you. It's up to you. But that's why it's important for yourself. And do you think that people know if you're not telling the truth? I do. I do. I really do. Because I, and while we don't know why we know it, we do know it. And sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of it by saying, how would we possibly know that? Because the heart knows. We talk about the power of intuition. And what the, what is it, I think Gandhi or someone talks about the, the, the still truth or the, the real truth that's in you. We all have it. And we argue with ourselves because we don't understand why we know, but we do. And we don't have to call it out. You don't have to say to that person, but, and you don't know why they're lying. They may not be telling a full lie, but you know, they're not telling the full truth. That's what you know. And so, yeah, we do know. It's possible that they may not know. That is highly possible. That is highly possible. I mean, depending on the level of which that is implanted in their own head, they may. Yes. And they're telling the truth as they know it. Yeah. Yeah. Correct. And so we, and so that's the part of it. And so part of the thing, there was a whole book. It was I don't know. I can't, his name escapes me right now, but many writers use his book to talk about, how do you write books? And it's about people wearing masks. So people wear masks because they don't want to show up as whatever it is that they want, and they want to show up as something different. So they wear masks. And you have to allow people to do that. You have to allow people the discretion of showing up the way they want to show up right now because they're not ready to show up in a different way. So you allow those masks to happen. And certainly often, maybe more often than not, people have been Convinced by family, by circumstances, whatever, that their authentic self is not presentable. Not presentable. Correct. It's not the correct way to go. And we certainly you know, one of the things that we do as parents is try to do what we think is best for our children in terms of their education, what they need to know to be successful in the world. What we can't possibly know is what they're here to do. Is what the thing that you know what I mean? The thing that ignites their soul. We don't know what that is. And so we want to tell them things that we know. Hey, get your education, go down this path, become a lawyer or an accountant or something that we know they can make money from. And so, so when we tell them that, what it says is that what you really want to be isn't good enough. And so they, so they start wearing masks in terms of around you. Because they can't tell you the truth. And maybe I'm not using you directly about you personally, but it's also possible that the child then thinks that they can't tell you the truth about what they want. That is correct. The truth is not, it's not available. It's available. You're not prepared to hear it. Clearly you're not prepared to hear it. You don't wish to hear it. Whatever it is, the child understands. I can't tell the truth here. So this is the mask I have to wear about this subject around my mom. Yes. And, and, and we all have that. Yeah. We all know that there are different faces and masks that we put on and we show up as different people for different, for different occasions or whatever. At this stage in my life though, I'm not willing to do that. I'm really not. I, I wonder why do I want to be around people who don't want to actually be around me? Because that's the, that's the bottom line. Yeah. They don't really want to be around me. Okay. Well then that's okay then. That's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you there's a note here about others take on or create other stories. What's that about? I'm, I'm just curious. It's your note, not mine, and I'm like, what does that mean? You don't have to know if you don't know. No, no, I do. I wrote the note. Well, I know, but that wouldn't necessarily mean anything if it was me. I might have written the note and have no clue what I meant. Well, I think this is just what we were just talking about. Oh, okay. Because for others, like we, we you know, around my family, let's say, you know, I'm, and I was just thinking about this, I was thinking, I, I was just talking to my my daughter in law called me like yesterday and wanted to know how I was doing, and of course, you know, I've been dealing with this thing that happened while I was overseas and came back, and I didn't realize that I had caught something and so I've been suffering with it for a couple of weeks now, and so I was telling her. That I finally had it diagnosed, and I'm taking some antibiotics, and I'm feeling a lot better. She immediately said, which she always says, Well, you know, you're getting older now. And so. And so. Yeah, and I, and I, I just said, you know, I've taken this trip for 20 years, 20 years I've taken this trip and have never, ever gotten sick. So the one time that I've gotten sick is because I'm old. And so that's the box that she has me in. She doesn't know who I am. To her, I'm an old lady. And her mother was an old lady. Her mother died in her bed, you know, at her home, as an old lady. She had to take care of, so that's how she sees moms. Ah, that's how she sees moms, and that's the box she has me in, but I refuse to show up that way. Yeah. So these are stories she's creating about me. Yes. That's not who I am. And she refused to actually know and get to know who I actually am. So I don't really hang out with her very much because that's the box she keeps wanting to put me in. If you come here, if you go around and do things with me that I do, you'll see I'm not your mother. Mm hmm. I'm not old. I'm older, but I'm not old. Right. Right? Right. You see the difference? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so that's the story that people create about you and trying to put you in this box. Yes. And that's not the truth of me, and they're not willing to hear the truth of me. Right. They're not willing. Whatever reason. Right. Whatever reason. But that's the, the point of this talk, this point of this telling the truth is for you. Everything I think that we talk about here is about you individually. The choices you get to make. And whether or not, and, and as I've come through a couple of divorces and it's taken me a while to get through this last one because we're together for quite some time. And discovering all the things that I allowed myself to become, which were not me, in order to make the, what I thought was necessary to make the relationship work. Yeah. Yeah. Well, at this stage, and having gone through a couple of great, you know, big relationships, I'm no longer going to do that. I'm just going to show up as me. You either like this part of me, or you don't. And that's okay. I like myself. I'm okay with not having a relationship. But I have lots of other kinds of relationships. I don't have to have a romantic relationship. I'm okay with it. Because I've had several. But I've done that. And so I'm very clear about this subject of just showing up as other people, as what other people need you to be. And I just, I don't want to do that anymore. I just, I don't want to do it. And I don't want to expect it from others either. Yeah. Not my grandchildren, not my children, not anyone. And sometimes that's, that's not necessarily easy. It's not. No. It's, it's something you kind of automatically do. You do. You know, you say, okay, I have to, this is what this person's expecting from me. This is how I've shown up before. Right. Right. Yeah. Now you're changing the rules. You're changing and saying, I'm not doing that anymore. And they're like, what's happened? Yeah. Of course. What's happened? Of course. Nothing's happened. I'm just, this is who I am. And you just gently show up as you. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Just do it. Yeah. Just show up as you. Yeah. It's, it's a, to me, it's a great life to live. And none of the things that we talked about, because you just said right now, that's not easy. Nothing we talk about is easy. It's hard work. It's a choice you make to do the work. I believe you'll have a better life for it, for you. But that's your choice. You may not think it's worth the work. Yeah. Alright. We can stop there for today. Thank you all for being here and we'll see you next time.